Fight In The Wolf

Lyrics: I got the mind I’d left behind It’s not in rhyme But has the rhythm I wandered blind To learn insight I’m not alright But that’s a given XXX Spooky dreams Haunt my rest And glitch my programs Through the tears I’ve suppressed I’d sink five oceans Lucid screams Not expressed Dictate these vocals Souvenirs In my head Inflate emotions XXX I got the mind Hard blows designed All rotten files Need overwritten I’m caught in tides That slow my strides Forgotten smiles Leave holes within me

Time goes fast But the emotions last They seem a chore to master Let them lead you They’ll leave you hanging Climb the mast And steer us from the past We’ve leaked from shore to harbour Let the sea through Then seal the damage XXX I’ve wished and bowed and prayed Pity sounds delayed Drink these sour grapes Squished into lemonade I’m wilting by the flame I think myself insane I sit mid deck in waves Wishing for better sails But XXX Time has crept Here in its arms I’ve slept I’m in the prime of death Peering through curtains At what I’ve spent I climb the steps Of sadness and regret I paid each bill direct Secrets and burdens I pay by cheque XXX Time demands Banned feelings bind both hands They breed like spores in dampness Wade in deep boots To heal that sadness Life seems harsh Bad dreams rewind sore pasts They squeal like moles in darkness Bathe the deep wounds To reach that madness XXX I’ve missed the brighter days Things that life forbade Imprisoned in the shade Enclosed in anger’s cage So I’m clinging on in vain Insisting life must change I itch inside my brain Which lotion calms this rage? XXX Time has crept Hearing its chimes I’ve wept I’m in the prime of death Nearing destruction Behind on rent I climb the steps To pay my last respects I have defined myself Repeating functions My mind has learnt XXX

Cradle my head just right Make shapes by the bedroom light Be patient and well tonight Take care that my health’s alright Tuck in my teddy tight And dust where the bed bugs bite Please say one last precious rhyme And waken me when its time XXX Sketch lines I’ll fill with joy Tell me I’m your little boy Protect me from hurtful words And shelter me from the world Soothe me til I’m at ease Good roots build the highest trees With you here I’ll never fear We’ll shoot beasts with silver beads XXX Mend this gown with broken scissors Upend my frown with smoke and mirrors I tend the mound where hope still withers I fed the hound my only slivers By roots I’m bound in earth malicious The wolf now growls at any issues He chews on doubt, finds stress delicious And looks around with tense suspicions XXX Place gratitude in my hand And my heart will understand We’ll pray for that second chance Create a new circumstance We’ll paper the cracks and scuffs And tape up the damaged stuff We’ll shake out the tarnished rugs Replace all the shattered bulbs XXX Send the clown back when I falter And let me down with threads I altered I pencilled out what pen had ordered So when I drown drop cents in water My heart stopped cold to kill what’s rotten I glanced below at things forgotten A cache of gold that sinks to bottom My hands let go and swim the torrent XXX

Lyrics: I am the seed that struggled Sewn by the trees I smothered So shy with weeds for brothers CO high as breathing suffered I have belief things might change Harsh winds will reveal my place Past things did not seal my fate Reengineer this nightmare XXX Prick the ground for life’s endurance Every cloud holds vital fluid Sinking down I’ve primed my roots I didn’t sprout but time grew shoots whoa! In the mud I’ve gleaned a truth Belief in something out of view Guess feeling hurt caused something new When thunder stops I’ll fucking bloom so XXX Soldier on I will see the dawn I’ve been trampled on I’m still bleeding, cut up on the thorns Soldier on Everything was wrong All my hope was gone But it feeds me, the hunger is strong XXX I am the seed that surfaced Patiently seeking purpose Fated to be malnourished Hating my peers who flourished Slow tide, cold breeze above me Low flying bees just stung me No mind should feel unworthy Coax my beliefs to love me XXX Crown the gaffes and frame the madness Doubt will pass, just bear the sadness Every lapse brings wisdom’s chances Ditch the past’s grim circumstances Train the mind to dodge the bullets Cross the mines and wander through it Take the time to start a new you Stop the vices that consume you XXX Soldier on I will see the dawn I may hit the wall I’m resilient, so I will respawn Soldier on Everything was wrong I’ve been shit upon Hasn’t killed me, and that’s why I’m strong XXX

Save me from all that ails me I’m always failing My tangled blooms need a paring Lately my mind is racing I’m sideways facing This parachute needs replacing XXX Why aren’t my options open? Why is my conscience crowing? I’ve docked, the water’s frozen I’m not alarmed I’m irate All the best words are spoken All of these rungs seem broken I’m swapping fun for boredom Caught in a harsh mental state XXX Talk to me Or take a shot at me Just like a lottery My life’s a crazy cacophony Pray for me Or stay away from me Just dig a grave for me And I will lay here with all my dreams XXX Wake me When life’s less crazy When light leads day here When heavy moods don’t impair me Fate seems To fucking hate me Give me a break, dear I pressed reboot while still saving XXX Why are my spikes ferocious? My grasp at life’s atrocious Space blank for diagnosis I’m not insane but I’m close Why isn’t silence golden? Sipped hell now I am choking Tripped, fell, now lie here broken I got the pain that I chose XXX Caution me Do what you want with me Break the monotony My life’s a crazy cacophony Pray for me Or stay away from me Just dig a grave for me And I will lay here with all my dreams XXX

Please enjoy my latest track which is available as a free download! Lyrics are below: I’m not ok My palette’s black, white and grey Sadness fills up my day Chances spit in my face Sadly I know despair Madness sits second chair I grapple with fear and shame Got the wrong DNA Badly XXX I wander in mist And I punch walls with my fist I’ve drunk poison for my thirst Empty space fills my lungs daily I keep logs and long lists Of my deep flaws and wrong twists It just feels wrong to exist I behave how the world made me XXX Pour me A magic potion Apply some lotion Soothe the pain I suffer Throw me To the ocean Calm my emotion Put my brain together XXX I am enslaved I carry more than I weigh I’m startled and feeling scared Habits call out my name Loudly I’m firing flares I think my mind needs first aid A three month line for the pain Ease the anger I wear Proudly XXX I’m not quite convinced Got a fine frog from a prince Tend to jog more than I sprint Out of breath still I get nowhere I’m awkward at things And I can’t stop catching sins I just bob up then I sink In my head I’m distressed mostly XXX Pour me A magic potion Apply some lotion Soothe the pain I suffer Throw me To the ocean Calm my emotion Put my brain together

Make me numb Fill my glass up with rum Many hands have turned Can’t forget what I’ve done Fucking pound the drum Turn the volume right up Let the horsemen come Can’t correct this with words uttered XXX My deeds won’t let me go They’re feasting on my soul They’ve seeped inside this hole Can’t get clean from all this soap The seasons come and go But leaves still clog the flow They’re reaching from below Cut me free or hoist the rope XXX The storm won’t rest And I can’t pay my debt Here in this sea I’m wet And I think such heavy thoughts I keel The river gleams Here in my wildest dreams But I can’t be redeemed My God I’d tell you I’m sorry if you could hear XXX Make it stop Make the blood in me clot Pick apart the knots Let the maggots fall off Still my conscience rots I am haunted by thoughts My tomorrow’s robbed And I’m tangled in thorns stinging XXX I’m feeble, weak and slow And reaping what I sow I’m teaching grief to grow Can’t be healed of settled woe My feelings eat me whole They tease apart my soul Chase peace I’ll never know Can’t be cleared of what I owe XXX The storm won’t rest And I can’t pay my debt And both my feet are wet And I think such heavy thoughts I scream The river gleams Here in my wildest dreams But I can’t be redeemed Oh God I’d tell you I’m sorry if you were here XXX

I trample through a wilderness Where nothing soothes me of my stress Might something cure these twitching nerves An ampule full of happiness please XXX Laugh if you’ve gotta I’m drowning in vodka Weighed down to the bottom Rocks in pockets deep Seems I’ve forgotten Each thing I’ve been offered It’s yours if you want it So rock me off to sleep XXX So will you take me to Wonderland? I’d like to escape Yeah well that’s the plan But poke me or shake me if fun turns bad And if I go crazy Please make me calm, man XXX I’m trapped behind a wooden fence Where nothing happens that makes sense Could someone tell the universe These circumstances cause distress XXX Can’t cope with my problems I’m choking on vomit I know I’m neurotic There’s bedlam in this head I wept through the beatings And slept through proceedings Suppressed my true feelings I’m seldom not depressed XXX So will you take me to Wonderland? I’d like to go play In another land I make these mistakes so I’ll understand So close all the drapes and untuck the latch now XXX

Baby I miss you daily My symptoms vary But I think you’re the one for me And lately been feckin’ crazy One-petal daisy I’m just this fool who runs from fear XXX The direction I’m facing And grenades I’ve been placing Leave the walkway unstable So I freeze and cannot move I’ve been contemplating These mistakes I’ve been making The missteps that I’ve taken They still lead me back to you XXX So let me hit pause ‘Cause I’ve done everything wrong And I’ve waited too long And my best chances are gone, fucking blew it Show me my flaws I’ll strive to change them No matter the cost I’ll make repayments Hit a brick wall I’ll try to scale it Show me the way to come home XXX Baby I’m such a failure Scold my behaviour I’d be a fool to part with you I’m faithful And my body’s grateful So don’t make this painful I gotta lose this attitude XXX In a bad situation I succumb to temptation Try to vent my frustration But crawl back to what I know Keep me under sedation Dreaming for the duration Pleading for that sensation I’ll be back before you know XXX So let me hit pause ‘Cause I’ve done everything wrong And it wasn’t my fault But my best chances are gone, fucking blew it Show me my flaws I’ll rearrange them No matter the cost You keep the change then Give me the choice I’ll try to make it Show me the way to come home XXX

Part of the "Whatever Happened To Candy Cane?" rock opera, this song is by Cindy/Candy Cane XXX I stuck a chord with Orcus cheering Sank the yacht I crossed his stream in All my options disappearing Fucked my problems with no feeling Thoughts grow spiteful with the seasons Got an eyeful of my demons All my rivals now are bleeding Fuck that guy I once believed in XXXX I’m a sick bitch! You can lick this! Check my hit list You might be on it! I’m a sick bitch! Twisted princess Mind your business This child has fallen XXXX I fell right in the empty ocean Jettisoned pesky emotion Mom and dad have since disowned me Drugs and violence kept me going I sank beneath disaster slowly I won’t be my father’s trophy Chased that rabbit down its hole These shameful habits now console me XXXX I’m a sick bitch! You can lick this! Be my witness Sign my warrant I’m a sick bitch! Twisted princess Keep your distance I’m abhorrent! XXXX

This is my latest song for the "Whatever Happened To Candy Cane?" album, it is a duet between Max and Cindy (a brother and sister) who are trying to find each other in the post-acopalyptic wastelands of Fallout New Vegas. Any volunteers to sing the part of Cindy please get in touch! I am currently working on her side of the story so I'll have that up soon! Lyrics: (Max) Tonight Under this moonlight I’m just a fool right? I hear the mirth and the laughter (Cindy) Tonight I miss those good times I’m Miss Can’t-Do-Right I’m here a pretty disaster XXX (Max) Barefoot I crossed a dessert to find her The pain in my sole An ever-present reminder (Cindy) Hate looked and saw a perfect disciple The space in my soul Makes being unpleasant delightful XXX CHORUS (Max) Sister, I miss you sister I hear you whisper Like you were here Oh (Cindy) Brother, I miss you brother There is no other Would search for me Ooh XXX (Max) Victims Since we were children This murky system Just suffocates your desires (Cindy) Kid in A world forbidden This rusty cistern Just flushed my veins, got me higher XXX (Max) Hard beds, mean men in filthy bordellos I’ll still bring you home No matter what the expense is (Cindy) My head’s bereft of all my mementos The girl from the cove Now carries sad consequences XXX

I wander far from safety Walk corridors that scare me My thoughts harangue me daily My problems stack high My conscience drives me crazy I’m tortured by my failings I’m running out of patience I’m not a bad guy XXX Drive the demons from me Time’s not healing my grief Starve the fever in me Can you hear me? Knife the creature in me Life’s great heel’s upon me Bribe the dealer for me Light the beacons now XXX My choices liberate me And almost vindicate me But voices still berate me Snap that padlock Walk water when the sail’s bent Cut corners on the pavement Take drugs for entertainment Strike the matchbox XXX Drive the demons from me Time’s not healing my grief Starve the fever in me Can you heal me? Knife the creature in me Life’s great heel’s upon me Bribe the dealer for me Light the beacons now

She left our home and crossed hot land For reasons most don’t understand Her son won’t know his mum or dad That kind of hole tears you in half We can’t be whole with broken parts The sun sets cold on unloved hearts My father told me I’m no man Look dad, I’m roaming the mojave My stomach churns My flesh turns to dust In the burning sun But I press along Somewhere past the hurt My sister lurks And while this body works I’ll never give up Hail Caesar! Hail Caesar! They can’t warp her mind so they criticise her Hail Caesar! Hail Caesar! She’s one of a kind so they ostracise her Hail! XXX We live a culture built on sand At 4 a sword placed in your hand And no one knows just who you are We hold The Fort in fucking sandals Our fighting comes at cost We bind our problems to the cross If mighty Rome falls we are lost When light is bold we snuff the candles I’ve got prickly heat My spirit is beat And my blisters bleed I’m sniffing up tears But Each day gets worse My sight is blurred But I do it all for love Tell Cindy I’m coming! XXX Hail Caesar! Hail Caesar! I’m heading through towns where they all despise her Hail Caesar! Hail Caesar! I’ve known all along that I’m going to find her Hail

Though the storm keeps blowing Though the rain keeps flowing I will grow old knowing I led the fight Though the days get colder Though I've got no soldiers I will not stop holding My head upright When my cries don't find an ear I see the darker side of humanity I feel it rise inside of me My army of one will always fight for me Though my mind is racing With the bind I’m facing I will not stop tracing This masterpiece Though my grip is failing While the winds are wailing I am not complaining Still standing fierce

This is the third track from a rock opera I'm writing based in the Fallout video game universe which you can read here: Part 1 https://aminoapps.com/c/falloutamino/page/blog/whatever-happened-to-candy-cane/1JRS_6u063naBGoBD2LpwwVJvPPlovZ Part 2 https://aminoapps.com/c/falloutamino/page/blog/whatever-happened-to-candy-cane-part-2-ubi-est-ea/8BYT_mu2MzD5V1or2pW8Nmxx2n0PYD6 It's about a boy called Max looking for his lost sister - part 3 is nearly finished and that's going to conclude Act 1 which is Max's story. Act 2 is going to be about his sister Cindy's story. So in this song he has travelled through the desert and is questioning why his God is testing him. I think these are my best vocals to date, I've improved on my technique a lot. Lyrics: I said my prayers On a broken heart Is he even there? Half my hope is shattered I cry for help Just to lift this burden Ask why the hell Must I receive this punish-ment? My lightning bolt He’s my shining father I’m clothed in smoke As he lights the arrow When the door is closed He’s the silver handle The mighty oak With a frightening shadow I make my way I resist the carnage He doesn’t care He’s on a different channel My feet are bare Lord I’ve truly suffered The meat is scarce Oh won’t you be my nourish-ment? My lightning bolt He’s my shining father I’m a broken soul Tide has washed the fragments When I’m having doubts Won’t you lift me skyward? When the light goes out Guide me towards the harbour

Version 1.1, featuring key change, slight lyric change, improved vocal and general bug fixes Part of the musical/rock opera I'm working on called "Whatever Happened To Candy Cane" - a Fallout fan fiction about a boy looking for his sister, you can read the story here: Part 1 https://aminoapps.com/c/falloutamino/page/blog/whatever-happened-to-candy-cane/1JRS_6u063naBGoBD2LpwwVJvPPlovZ Part 2 https://aminoapps.com/c/falloutamino/page/blog/whatever-happened-to-candy-cane-part-2-ubi-est-ea/8BYT_mu2MzD5V1or2pW8Nmxx2n0PYD6 Free to download - please let me know if you like it! Lyrics As the day sips on night And the pain grips on tight All my patience subsides Fast she fades from my sight I cast despair from my mind Recite my prayers one more time Ask for bravery tonight Let me save her my sire XXXXX They got me by the ankles, oh Got me chained like a dog Took my sword from my scabbard, bastards! Now my back’s to the wall Cindy, oh Cindy darling Where could you be? I’m here with my limbs in shackles But who’s looking for me? XXXXX Far away, trapped in time Lies a place left behind Anger shaped anxious lives Love was vacant or silent Born to bolster the name And raised to know every prayer Swaddled in endless shame How they drove her away XXX I see you in the shadows, oh I see you in the light I see you though my eyes are blackened Tell me we’ll be alright Cindy, oh Cindy darling Where could you be? I followed my intuition No one’s looking for me

This song is based on a Fallout video game themed story I wrote called "Whatever Happened To Candy Cane" which can be read here: Part 1 -https://aminoapps.com/c/falloutamino/page/blog/whatever-happened-to-candy-cane/1JRS_6u063naBGoBD2LpwwVJvPPlovZ Part 2 -https://aminoapps.com/c/falloutamino/page/blog/whatever-happened-to-candy-cane-part-2-ubi-est-ea/8BYT_mu2MzD5V1or2pW8Nmxx2n0PYD6 Lyrics: She is splitting from a small close-minded home and He’s Admitting what his gospel can’t condone When no one’s listening all your problems start to grow And life’s a prison, you’re an inmate on death row Now Father’s livid With his fiendish temperament And Mum’s insisting They receive strict punishment But they’re your children They just need encouragement So where’s your pity? Why’d you keep your love from them? Now where is Candy Cane? Oh where is Candy Cane? She left behind her name And brought her family shame So “Ubi est ea?” Her brother says She caught her true reflection When she smashed the pane What a shame She’s been missing for so long he mourns her face And he’s got issues of his own but no one cares His heart’s dysrhythmic from the hole she bore away He starts to whisper “Cindy, just show me the way” Now Max has scribbled down a note that says “Goodbye” He’s half convinced he’ll bring her home by late July It’s not that simple Mother’s still dissatisfied And Dad’s indignant He still wants her crucified Now where is Candy Cane? Oh where is Candy Cane? She left behind her name And brought her family shame So “Ubi est ea?” Her brother says She found a cruel redemption In a fucked-up place What a waste

The forest is ablaze again And I'm fanning the flames again I mimed the morning prayer today Three decades of the rosary The weather forecasts rain again The moon is in its wane again There's madness on my brain again No OTC shall mask this pain And my, what a lovely time I'm having How am I to pull a rabbit Out this hat? Chop a shelter with a blunt axe? Grapple in the dark Light a fire with a spent match? Being alive makes me sick Tie my foot to a brick / Life is sucking a dick I'm extremely convinced All my dreams turn to shit Prior deeds hold me still Milk I needlessly spilt This ain't the life I ordered Grit my teeth, hold my breath I can't cheat on this test I'm a 'B' student at best And in need of a rest I’m severely depressed And can't deal with this stress This ain't the life I ordered There's thunder on the way again And lightening near the hay again There's tension in the air today We're verging on a hurricane That vulture's stalking prey again I'm running round the maze again Obstruction's blocking play again Stuff’s rushing through my veins again I'd cry but I'd hate to waste the fluid All my crimes leave me in ruin Fuck the past Give me sea air hard to starboard People hold you back Leave those feelings in the harbour Being alive makes me sick Life is sucking a dick I'm extremely convinced All my dreams turn to shit Prior deeds hold me still Milk I needlessly spilt This ain't the life I ordered Grit my teeth, hold my breath I can't cheat on this test I'm a 'B' student at best And in need of a rest I’m extremely depressed Up to here with this stress This ain't the life I ordered

I cast a lonely shadow but that's alright My shoulder cramping through the darkest night I've been slowly gathering my armaments To be a force withstanding all the harm I sense Seems the only way to beat it Is to see it through And the only way to heal it Is to feed the bruise And the only way to freedom Is jumping through the hoop I don't jump so good Don't jump so good No more living in la-la town Where the only person happy is yet to be found No more passing/pissing my heart around What about me? Sanctuary I spent a long time screaming with both fists clenched I'll spend a long time dealing with the consequence I spent a long time hearing words that made no sense I learnt a lot whilst steering through the bitterness The only words worth eating Have no crumb of truth Only voice worth believing Is the one in you And the only fucking easy path Does not bear fruit I don't bear fools Do not bear fools I keep peering behind me I fear I’m unwinding The state of my mind is frightening My thoughts undermine me My mistakes mount up But they don’t define me

Death didn’t come with bombs I’m turned to goo inside Tread in a muddy pond And I’m starting to lose my sight Flesh starts to crack and peel Veins an unhealthy grey Friends turn their backs on me Help! I’m watching myself decay Tell me what’s happening to me! I’m sick like a dog in the street Eyes glow And blood pressure’s low My whole head’s itching Eyeballs twitching Someone fix me I noticed today My nose is rotting away Looking foolish Bones are bending Someone mend me I’m growling my vowels And I’m sour in the bowels Getting ghoulish My skull is visible And both my cheeks have holes Life’s fucking miserable And I’m sporting a greenish glow I’ve just been cast aside Eyesore in savage lands Features like cattle hide And I smell like a garbage can Bit into tough Brahmin beef I chewed it and I spat out some teeth Got pale mouth And my hair’s falling out Hell I ain’t pretty Eyeballs twitching I need fixing The doctor I paid Turned and ran right away Couldn’t cure this My bones are bending I need mending I’m strong as a horse But I look like a corpse Getting ghoulish