Real Confidence

Let’s talk about positivity—because if I hear one more person confuse it with denial, I might flip a table. I’m not talking about the smiley, everything’s-fine, toxic kind that makes you want to roll your eyes in a waiting room. I’m talking about the real version. The kind that exists even when life is messy, inconvenient, and objectively annoying. The kind that doesn’t require you to gaslight yourself into pretending everything is great when it clearly isn’t. What got me thinking about this is how often positivity gets framed as naïve or fake, especially if you’re smart, skeptical or allergic to fluff (like I am!). Somewhere along the way, being realistic became synonymous with being negative. And honestly? That’s not confidence. That’s just living on edge.  I started wondering what it would look like to flip that default—assuming things are mostly okay unless proven otherwise, instead of waking up every day braced for impact. This episode digs into the difference between performative positivity and the kind that actually supports confidence. The internal kind. The kind that changes how you interpret setbacks, how much stress you carry around and how much energy you waste on stuff that doesn’t deserve it. Not because you’re ignoring reality—but because you’re choosing how much power it gets to have over you. If you’re tired, cynical or just done with self-help nonsense and want a version of positivity that actually makes you steadier, calmer and more confident (without turning you into that person), hit play.  This one might surprise you.

You know that tightness in your chest, the racing thoughts, the moments where you freeze because something tiny feels huge?  Hello, anxiety.  We all experience it one form or at one time or another and some of us live with a constant low-grade hum of it in the background.  So I wanted to find out how, exactly, we can be anxious AND still move through life confidently. Still make decisions, show up with presence, speak our truth and hold ground when our brains are freaking out.  To help me on that quest, I invited Danita Young, a transformational coach who’s spent years helping people untangle the knots anxiety ties around their lives, to join me on the podcast. I wanted to go deeper than symptoms and triggers and she was more than happy to get into how to keep our heads and hearts in the game when anxiety is closing in. Danita didn’t promise a life free from tension or racing thought but she explained how to show up anyway, fully and confidently, and that, my friends, is a game changer. One of the most eye-opening things for me was how much our bodies register anxiety long before our minds recognize it. Anxiety impacts our physical posture, breathing and even how we listen or respond in conversations. And while it can feel like anxiety is the boss of us, there really are concrete ways to root into your confidence best without pushing anxiety aside or trying to crush it.  By the end of our conversation, I had a toolkit, not an empty promise of magic pill we’re so often fed by the algorithms. If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by anxiety or like it was shaping every move you made, make some time to tune in and really listen. Takeaways from this episode include:  Anxiety isn’t failure—it’s your survival brain running overtime. Most of what keeps us stuck is learned, not innate. Confidence doesn’t require erasing anxiety; it’s learning to move with it. Being aware of your emotional baseline (“your frequency”) helps you make conscious choices which are key to confidence. Surface fixes like distraction or medication can help, but they won’t free you from the root cause Danita Young, Neuroscience Coach, CBT and NLP brings together neuroscience, nervous system regulation, physics and her own and Align™ tracking to help individuals overcome anxiety at the root. To learn more about Danita, connect with her on Instagram @danitayoung.

I have one. You have one. And sometimes it’s been there so long you barely notice until one day, one decision or one change shows you just how much it’s been influencing your confidence all along. For me, it was fat noise. A constant din of “You’re too big. People are judging you. You can’t do this.”  And it showed up everywhere: trying on clothes, climbing stairs, getting on planes, even in photos I’d snap for work.  It wasn’t just about how I looked; it was about how I felt in the world, how I carried myself, and how I made decisions. Even though I told myself over and over that “body shape doesn’t matter,” the truth is it did—just not in a way I understood until I lost 40 pounds. Of course my body changed, but unexpectedly, so did my mental landscape. Suddenly, I could see how much of my life had been shaped by guilt, shame, and self-blame. Fat noise had been controlling me for decades, whispering that I lacked self-control and that every ache or limitation was my fault.  My fat noise could be your imposter syndrome, achievement anxiety or health worries. But whatever is it is, the lesson is the same and I’ll school you in it in this episode. So hit play and let me be the voice in your ear that cuts through the noise and puts you back in control of your confidence.

You know that moment when life drops something heavy in your lap and your brain does that “oh hell no” spiral? The call you didn’t expect, the crisis you never planned for, the “oh my god, what do I even do next” moment?  In this episode, I sit down with my friend and total powerhouse Debra Woog, and we get brutally honest about what confidence looks like when everything is falling apart — not the Instagram version, the real-life, messy, human version. Debra talks about the crisis that knocked her flat, the one that forced her to rebuild confidence from the ground up. And hearing her walk through it — calmly, clearly, and with that signature Debra groundedness — felt like someone turning on a light in a room I didn’t realize had gone dim. She doesn’t sugarcoat anything, and that’s what makes it so damn comforting. We also get into that weird, almost guilty feeling of being “the strong one” even when you don’t feel strong. Debra lays out how she learned to ask for help (like, actually ask) and how that became the turning point for getting her confidence back. I swear, I felt this in my bones. This conversation is the reminder every single one of us needs: confidence isn’t about being unshakeable. It's about remembering who you are while you're being shaken. Debra shows us exactly how to do that and with so much grace it’ll make you exhale in relief. Highlights from our conversation: Why confidence during a crisis never looks the way we expect ( and why that’s actually a good thing) How to keep showing up for your life even when your energy, identity or sense of control feels wobbly Why asking for help is actually one of the strongest confidence moves you can make (and how Debra learned to do it) How to remind yourself who you are and what you can handle when life hits hard The simple daily practice Debra used to stop spiraling and start stabilizing Connect2 Corporation founder and Principal Crisis Navigation Partner® Debra A. Woog (pronounced “Vogue”) has 30+ years of experience as a leadership researcher, executive, and advisor. Debra empowers highly competent women facing challenging circumstances with the expertise, empathy, and structure to connect with the right resources, communicate effectively, and lead with a clear mind and a solid strategy. Learn more about Debra at connectwo.com.

You know those days when you look around and suddenly realize, “Wait… I earned all this”? That’s the vibe of this episode. I’m sitting here, sipping something strong, telling you the truth we forget way too often: the confidence we’re walking around with didn’t fall from the sky. All those skills, talents, relationships, even the weird little wins? We built them. And when you start seeing your life through that lens… oh, everything shifts. Opportunities don’t just magically appear — you finally notice them. What really struck me as I recorded this is how easy it is to sleepwalk through our own success. We miss the good stuff, the right people, the “doors” we were absolutely meant to walk through, simply because we’re rushing or doubting or distracted. But when you get intentional about it, suddenly people become more interesting, and you become more interesting right back. It's wild how quickly that builds confidence on both sides. I also tell you about this little end-of-day ritual I swear by: finding the small wins. Not gratitude  — that’s great, but it can feel like everything just happened to you. This is different. This is claiming the moments where you actually moved something forward. And yes, sometimes that “small win” is someone making your day. Other times, it’s you making theirs. A text. A compliment. A pot of soup. A connection email. A tiny spark of humanity that lands exactly right for someone. That’s where your superpower lives — in how you lift someone else up. The deeper stuff counts the most: thanking the role models you never properly acknowledged, circling back to the friend who showed up when you didn’t even ask, telling the people in your life that they mattered in ways they might not even realize. Identifying these isn’t a to-do and there’s no pressure. It’s just the simplest daily boost you can give yourself and the world. If you’ve been feeling stuck or doubting whether you’re really “doing enough,” this episode is your permission slip to look again — really look — at what you’ve earned, what you’ve created and the confidence you can give away just by showing up with a little more intention. Pour your favorite drink, take a breath, and join me for this one. It hits exactly where it needs to.

Okay, grab your wine, your tea, your snack — whatever makes you cozy — because you are NOT ready for the story Jeff Luther is about to tell. This guy survived literal near-death, like “heart stopped, flatlined, dead for eight minutes” kind of near-death. And somehow, instead of coming out bitter or broken, he came out with a superpower: a brand-new perspective on confidence, vulnerability, and connection. We’re talking about a man who went from running 50Ks and feeling unstoppable to being told, “Hey buddy, your heart’s dangerous. Don’t move too much or you could die.” And yes, that’s terrifying. But Jeff didn’t just survive physically — he came out thinking, feeling, and acting differently in ways that any of us can learn from, even if our worst day doesn’t involve flatlining. What I loved about Jeff is how real he is about fear and vulnerability. He had to confront what he was afraid to face — not just for himself but for his teenage son, who witnessed parts of this. Jeff’s story is raw, human, and honestly, a little scary, but it’s full of nuggets about how confidence isn’t just a skill, it’s a survival tool. Confidence isn’t the result of something dramatic happening. Jeff will be the first to tell you that it’s a choice (sound familiar?). This conversation may be heavy in some places, but it’s also hopeful because Jeff proves that even small shifts in our mindset and also showing up for others — vulnerably, genuinely — actually builds your confidence in ways you don’t expect. Key takeaways from our conversation include: How leaning into honesty with yourself and others builds real, resilient confidence. The ways gratitude literally rewires your brain. What it means to connect when life is hard. Whether it’s a near-death moment or just a tough conversation with your teen, showing up fully strengthens your confidence and relationships simultaneously. How to flip fear into agency. The role mindset plays in shaping recovery and growth. Jeff Luther is a seasoned entrepreneur and fitness enthusiast who has overcome significant health challenges, including a life-threatening heart condition. With over 25 years of experience in business and a passion for inspiring others, Jeff utilizes his journey to motivate individuals facing their own adversities. He shares valuable insights on resilience, gratitude, and the importance of human connection. You can learn more about Jeff Luther at jeffluther.com.

The American Confidence Institute (ACI) is 10 years old. Ten. Years. And honestly, I had to sit with that for a second—like, wait, what? The last decade has been a sports bra-required ride. Confidence has been tested for me, for you, for all of us. Back in 2015, when I talked about the amygdala, people looked at me like I was speaking Greek (which technically it is—it means almond, the shape of that brain part). Or maybe they thought I was casting a spell from Harry Potter. Now, brain science is practically pop culture. And can we agree that “fake it till you make it,” counting to five, or power posing doesn’t actually work? You can’t breathe your way past fear or plaster on a smile and call it confidence.  Those tricks help calm your amygdala so you can think instead of react, but real confidence takes more. It takes doing the inner work. It takes deciding how you want to respond when your brain yells, “This is uncomfortable.” Over the years, we’ve cycled through emotional regulation and emotional intelligence—both good, both useful—but the core lesson remains: your brain freaks out when it feels unsafe. Turning those warnings into signals helps you make better, more rational, confident choices. You can’t control others’ reactions—their experiences and emotions belong to them—but understanding and managing your own brain gives you an edge. Confidence, really, is deciding again and again how you want to show up. The more you practice that awareness—recognizing your thoughts, feelings, and signals—the more you rewire your brain. That’s neuroplasticity in action: building the habits that make confidence your default. You start creating automatic responses you’ll be proud of later, not ones that make you think, “Crap, that was not my finest moment.” So here we are. ACI at 10, me at 60. The data says confidence peaks around now, and I can confirm—it checks out.  It’s not about how you look or sound. It’s about being who you truly want to be. It’s about making your mark with the colors and fonts you like no matter what others think. It’s about making positive, productive impact. Are you leaving things better than you found them?  As a parent, educator, wife, friend, daughter—and yes, as a podcaster—I hope your world feels a little happier and a little more confident because I’m in it. It certainly does for me, because you’re in mine. For this anniversary episode, we’re diving into where we’ve been, what’s changed, and what’s finally starting to click.

This past summer, my husband and I traveled to Croatia with a fantastic tour group. We’re sitting on a restaurant patio, sipping something ridiculously overpriced, when I meet a young psychiatrist on the tour. Freshly minted, very professional, very brainy… but, and I mean this with zero judgment, clearly on the spectrum. She wore the same outfit every day—just switched colors—and had that classic social awkwardness. Not a bad thing at all—just noticeable. Her vibe? Endearingly, unmistakably her own. Then comes dinner. We’re all chatting, and suddenly—bam—she jumps up, grabs ice cream from a vendor, and plops it on her plate. No comment, no offer, nothing. Just action. Later, she confesses one of her biggest challenges: her autistic nephew. She says, “I just can’t do it. I don’t know how to interact with him.” And I’m thinking—sweetheart, I see you. You’re living some of this yourself. Meeting her got me thinking about self-awareness. Noticing your patterns isn’t the same as controlling them. Awareness is step one; control, change, agency—that’s a whole other ballgame. That distinction—between knowing something about ourselves and having the ability and desire to change—is central to growing in confidence. Recognizing patterns is one thing; turning that knowledge into action is where true confidence lives. Tools, assessments, even feedback from others provide data—but they don’t automatically teach us how to act with clarity or courage. If you’ve ever struggled to turn self-awareness into real confidence—or wondered why knowing your patterns isn’t enough—this episode dives into what it really takes to bridge that gap. Listen now and start seeing how awareness can become action.

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a loop with the people you love—same arguments, same frustration, same sense of nothing changing? My guest in this episode, Christy Cerniglia, had that exact experience in her 30-year marriage. But instead of blaming her husband (or anyone else), she leaned into a secret that most of us resist: the real power to change your relationships lies in how you show up. I know, I know, you got it: if you keep doing what you always do, you get what you always get. So how DO you show up differently? Where do you even start? For Cristie it was noticing her own patterns. She realized that the energy she brought —whether it was impatience, irritation, or criticism — was being mirrored back at her by the people around her. When she shifted to showing up with curiosity, respect, and intention, the ripple effect was immediate. Her husband responded differently. Her kids started listening more. Even the challenging in-laws felt… different. And when she noticed that, the more confident she grew, and so did those around her. She wasn’t manipulating or controlling them. She was creating influence through the confidence she was building. Because all brains and mirror neurons notice how we – and others – carry ourselves. When we show up confident, clear, and respectful, the people around us can’t help but reflect some of that energy back. Cristie saw this in action every day, and it transformed her life in ways that felt natural, not forced. Whether it’s a spouse who never does the chores, a mother-in-law who’s impossible to please, or kids who resist every request, I promise there’s something in this episode for you. Cristie’s approach is simple, doable and helps make relationships feel like a source of joy instead of stress. Key takeaways from our conversation include: Why focusing on your own behavior sparks change in others How leading with respect and trust builds confidence in those around you What expressing desires clearly instead of complaining actually accomplishes Ways to release control with “whatever you think” Why owning your missteps with intentional apologies strengthens confidence Cristie Cerniglia is a certified Laura Doyle Relationship coach and mother of four with a passion for inspiring and coaching women back into magnetic marriages. You can learn more about Cristie at relationshipswithamap.com.

I turned 60 this year, and honestly, it really is like a confidence switch flipped. Surprise? Not really. All the data from our research at American Confidence Institute has always shown that when we’ve clocked 60 years on the planet, we finally reach our confident best. Not because age magically makes you perfect, but because you find yourself laughing at the ridiculous stuff that used to knock you down. I feel calmer. Wiser. Not all-knowing by any means, but I can see the games my own mind plays with me and spot them before they suck me in. The three that chip away at our confidence the most? Comparison. Impatience. Avoidance. I’ve tripped over them more times than I can count and yeah, they’ve left some scars. But when I’m able to recognize them at play? That’s when I change the games my mind is playing. Comparison is probably the worst. I still catch myself scrolling through alumni updates or social feeds and thinking, “Why aren’t I doing more?” But then I remind myself that at least half of those posts are highlight reels. Few if any post about the burnout, the mistakes, the doubts. Patience is the next one. I’ve wanted things fast my whole life. Faster answers, faster progress, faster results. But life doesn’t hand you clarity overnight. You have to practice, stumble, and celebrate the tiniest wins. Even something as silly as picking a new outfit or finishing a podcast episode counts. Those little wins stack, and that’s how you grow confidence without noticing it. Then there’s avoidance. So much easier to do the “safe” tasks, ignore the scary ones, and hope they’ll vanish. But avoiding life’s uncomfortable moments—hard conversations, big decisions, even self-reflection—shrinks your confidence. Face them in bite-sized pieces, and suddenly, you realize you’re capable of more than you ever thought. In this episode, I dig into these traps and, more importantly, explore how to sidestep them. You’ll hear the kind of honest, real talk that makes you stop overthinking, start acting, and finally feel secure in who you are. Because confidence isn’t something you find. Confidence is something you create, choice by choice.

Some days, I just ignore my health. I tell myself, “I’ll deal with it later.” Whatever “it” happens to be. You know what I’m going to say next, right? Later never comes. And putting off dealing with the odd ache, weird rash or feeling of fatigue doesn’t make it go away. We know this and yet a lot of us freeze and do nothing. Then, guilt and overwhelm sneak in, denial joins the party and what, before, might have had us feeling a little anxious now feels like a full-blown panic attack waiting to happen.   So why do we hit a wall or bottom or need a crisis to get us to act? My guest on this episode of Real Confidence explains it all. Health expert Esther Avant, who has coached countless people through exactly these struggles, helps us understand why denial feels safe and how small consistent actions we take can completely shift our energy around health. This conversation is NOT about weight, getting your steps in or gym routines. Those are part of the health equation, but must as important for our health is feeling confident, capable, and like you actually own your body and your decisions. You won’t get any “you shoulds” in this one. Esther offers instead practical, doable ways to reclaim your confidence in your health, starting with the tiniest step that you can commit to today, why self-compassion is critical to momentum and how shifting your mindset can turn fear into fuel. So, if you’re ready to stop hiding from your health, start acting, and actually feel like you’ve got a handle on your body and choices, press play. This isn’t theory. It’s straight talk, small wins, and the kind of conversation that makes you want to move — today, not next week. We explore: Why denial around health feels safer than facing the truth How guilt and perfectionism sabotage even the best intentions Simple mindset shifts that turn overwhelm and fear into action Ways to develop small, effective habits without the  overthinking. How to build momentum and self-trust so your health becomes something you own, not stress about. Esther Avant is a health industry veteran with 20 years of experience, passionately helping people stop starting over so they can build the consistency and confidence to create the kind of life they want — starting with their health. You can learn more about Esther at estheravant.com.

Some days I wake up feeling like a total fraud in the friendship department. Like if life went sideways at 2 AM I wouldn’t have a single person I could call who’d actually show up. That thought is patently false. I do have those people. Just not a horde of Instagram “besties” clinking champagne glasses in matching outfits. And I’m done pretending that’s the goal. If I’ve learned anything from making friends as an adult is that it’s hard. And most of the people we call “friends” aren’t friends. They’re associates. Nice enough. Fun at happy hour. But when life’s on fire? Nowhere. Here’s the part most people don’t want to admit: confidence doesn’t come from how many people know your name. It comes from knowing exactly who’s in your corner, without question. The ones who make you feel seen instead of judged. Ones who don’t care if you’re polished or a hot mess. Those are the people who make me stand taller. And if you don’t think you have people like that? I’m not buying it. You might just be looking in the wrong places or expecting the wrong people to be part of your rescue crew. Who should be “promoted” into your inner circle? I’ve got some thoughts on how to figure that out and yeah, it’s going to take some guts to make those moves. Life’s too short to keep judgmental, self-serving energy in the front row of your life. If you’ve ever felt alone in a room full of “friends,” this is the wake-up call. Confidence is knowing who shows up when it counts—and making damn sure they know you’ll do the same for them. I’m done confusing convenience for commitment. In this episode of Real Confidence, I’m calling it out, and I’m naming exactly who belongs in my inner circle—and who doesn’t.

Raise your hand if you’re tired of the confidence myth everyone sells: that confidence is just about “acting brave” and “being positive.” I SEE YOU. My hand’s been up for years. The truth of the matter – what real confidence IS – is way messier and way more fascinating. Anyone can pretend they’re fearless, but not everyone wants to understand how their brain works when fear, doubt, and hesitation kick in, and then do the work to rewire it so they don’t get stuck there.  Fact: our brains want to keep us SAFE, but safe often means stuck — stuck in old patterns, stuck in second-guessing, stuck in the kind of mental freeze that keeps you playing small or holding back. My guest this week, Betsy Holmberg, calls this state of stuckness the “survival mode trap,” and it’s why most confidence advice feels like empty noise. It’s also why if you want to create real change, you have to confront how your brain tightens the reins — and then be willing to do the hard work to take back control. I could talk about this for hours: real neuroscience, real mindset shifts, and real grit. But Betsy and I made the best use of our time together and got straight to what’s really going on inside your head when confidence feels impossible, what it means to “flip the switch” on your brain’s default survival settings, why that’s essential for building genuine confidence, and what happens when you finally break free of doubt’s chokehold. If you’re tired of spinning your wheels and ready to understand the raw mechanics of confidence — the kind that sticks — this episode is your blueprint. Key takeaways:  Why your brain’s “safety mode” is the biggest confidence killer you’ve never noticed The sneaky ways doubt hijacks your decisions without you realizing How rewiring your brain is like upgrading your mental software — tricky, surprising, and entirely possible The one mindset shift that feels like a secret cheat code for confidence Why “fake it till you make it” is lying to you — and what actually works Betsy Holmberg, PhD, is a psychologist and author specializing in overthinking and negative self-talk. She writes for Psychology Today, and has been featured in radio, television, and podcasts. Before that, she ran the mental health service line at McKinsey & Company and received her PhD from Duke University. Learn more about Betsy at betsyholmberg.com.

There’s a moment that sneaks up on you in conversations—someone starts talking and, before you know it, you're deep in the weeds of their breakup, their boss drama, their third cousin’s dog’s vet bill.  You’re nodding, maybe throwing in the occasional “Wow” or “That’s wild,” but inside you’re thinking: How did I get cast in this one-person show I didn’t audition for? Take heart. This doesn’t happen because you’re too nice. It happens because somewhere along the way, we were taught that being a “good friend,” a “good colleague,” a “good person” means being endlessly available for other people’s emotional baggage—no matter how full our own arms already are. Here’s what I want to challenge: the idea that listening without limits is a virtue.  Because it's not. It’s often a survival strategy. It’s the quiet fear that if we draw a line—if we interrupt, or redirect, or say, “Hey, I can’t hold all this right now”—we’ll be seen as selfish. Cold. Rude. And fear is the enemy of confidence. Confidence is not about being stone-faced or detached. It’s about knowing your capacity and honoring it. It’s about recognizing when a conversation has shifted from connection to emotional labor—and having the clarity to step out, without shame or apology. And here's the paradox: when you model that kind of boundary, you give other people permission to do the same. You show that strength doesn’t come from over-functioning—it comes from being honest about your limits. This episode is your call to pay attention to where your energy is going. To stop treating emotional overload like a social obligation. And to start seeing boundaries not as a defense, but as a commitment to your own peace.

You ever find yourself stuck — your brain playing the same mental track on repeat? That loop of doubt, second-guessing, and what-ifs that you can’t switch off? It’s exhausting AND believe it or not, those loops aren’t your enemy.  They’re the secret doorway to a kind of confidence no one talks about. My guest on this episode, Amy Kemp, has spent years untangling how these mental patterns work. She’s not here to hand you easy answers or you-go-girl pep talks. Instead, she helps us see the messy, tangled process beneath the polished idea of confidence — how real strength comes from leaning into those repeating thoughts, not trying to silence them. Get ready because Amy and I get intimate with those thought loops — the ones that trip us up, keep us stuck, and sometimes even feel like our worst enemy. Then, Amy shows us how to tune into the vital clues these loops carry. If you learn to listen to your thoughts differently, you can find your way out and rebuild confidence from the ground up. No pretending to be fearless. No faking it till you make it. It’s about owning the struggle, understanding what your mind’s really doing, and using that knowledge to create a confidence that’s solid, authentic, and unshakable. Highlights from our conversation:  Why the mental loops you dread are actually the foundation of lasting confidence. How embracing discomfort rewires your brain to break free from stuck thinking. The patterns hidden inside your thought loops that signal where your real power lies. Why confidence grows through fear, not despite it. Concrete steps to turn repetitive doubts into your greatest strengths. Amy Kemp is the owner & CEO of Amy Kemp, Inc.  As a certified Habit Finder coach, Amy helps leaders and business professionals understand how deeply thought habits impact every part of their work and lives. Learn more about Amy, her work and her book, I See You, at amykemp.com.

I’ve spent years studying what real confidence looks like—studying it, practicing it, helping other people build it. And one thing I know for sure? Most of us are still waiting for permission. We think once the signs are all pointing the right way, or we’ve gathered enough evidence, or we feel 100% certain, then we’ll choose. Then we’ll move. Then we’ll feel confident. But that’s not how it works. That’s not how it ever works. Confidence doesn’t show up fully formed before the decision. It shows up because of it. You choose first—often in the fog, often with shaky hands—and then, step by step, the confidence follows. That choice might be finally walking away from a job you’ve outgrown. It might be naming what you really want in a relationship that’s been in “polite autopilot” for too long. It might be applying for the thing you’re not quite “qualified” for, or saying no to something everyone else thinks you should want. These aren’t easy choices. But they’re the ones that shift everything. This episode is for the moment right before you move—when you’re circling the truth but haven’t spoken it yet, when the decision is hanging in the air and your brain is still begging for a guarantee. The kind that says, I want “this”, even if no one else claps. If you’ve been circling something—an idea, a shift, a truth you’re not quite ready to say out loud—this episode’s for you. Because we’re going to talk about what it takes to choose your life before it all makes sense and why that’s often the most confident move you can make.

When I invited Nina Manelson onto the Real Confidence podcast, I wasn't prepared for how deeply the phrase "body peace" would hit home. There I was, thinking I'd mastered body image stuff (hello, recent weight loss!), but within minutes I was like, "Wait, she's reading my diary?" The way Nina explained our relationship with our bodies hit me right in the heart. I've spent DECADES in what Nina calls "body hate." You know that voice, right? The one that whispers "you shouldn't have eaten that" after every damn cookie. The one that blames EVERYTHING on your size. Zipper breaks? Because you're fat. Knees hurt? Fat. Didn't get that job? Definitely because you're fat. I literally blamed my body for all my problems! Nina nailed it when she said this toxic relationship affects literally everything – from how we show up in bed with our partners to how we pitch ideas in meetings. The mental space this crap takes up is EXHAUSTING. So there we were chatting, and Nina does this thing where she has me put my hand on my heart and just say "hello body." I'm not even kidding – I felt something shift instantly. It was like... peace. Just simple peace. It wasn't some complex therapy technique or 30-day challenge. Just acknowledgment. Connection. Nina kept saying body peace isn't about suddenly loving every dimple (though wouldn't that be nice?), it's a practice, like any relationship. Some days you're madly in love, other days you're annoyed as hell, but you stay in conversation. What really got me was when Nina talked about her clients who stopped obsessing over food rules and body management BS and started, you know, LIVING (one woman who had been spending all her mental energy on clean eating and workouts suddenly freed up so much headspace that she went back to school, got a major promotion, and basically reclaimed her life). That's when it clicked for me – body confidence isn't just about feeling prettier in photos. It's about the freedom to be a whole damn person again. Listen to the conversation and: Discover why body comparison is actually a form of self-sabotage (and how to catch yourself doing it) Understand why the traditional "wellness culture" approach might be keeping you trapped in body management instead of true body connection Learn how a simple 30-second practice can begin repairing your relationship with your body starting today Find out why Nina believes our relationship with our body is the most important relationship of our life Hear about the surprising connection between body peace and professional confidence  Learn more about Nina Manolson at ninamanolson.com and her Body Peace Journal and masterclass.

You know that feeling when you walk into a room and you just know you own it? That’s what true confidence feels like. I don’t mean in the “look at me, I’m the star!” way. I’m talking about being that steady, calming presence that everyone feels comfortable around. People have told me I have this vibe—like I’m solid and calming. And honestly? I’ve been thinking about how I do that. Spoiler: It’s not just luck. There’s a method to social madness. Because it’s easy to let nerves take over, right? You start worrying about how you look, if you’re saying the right things, or if you’re coming off okay. But owning the room has nothing to do with that. It’s not about you—it’s about the people in the room with you and how you relate to them. When you step in with the mindset that you’ve got value to offer—no matter who’s in the room—that’s when people start noticing you and your confidence naturally spikes. People start to recognize you as the person who’s grounded, reliable, and can handle whatever’s thrown their way. And that’s how you build trust, which is the foundation of all real confidence. At the end of the day, confidence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up and making others feel like they’re in good hands in the process. Ready to stop second-guessing yourself and start stepping into your power? Listen in because owning the room is just the start of owning your confidence.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how fear can show up in our lives in sneaky ways—especially when we don’t even realize it. Maybe you’ve noticed it too, that feeling of snapping at someone or getting defensive when it’s not even necessary. What’s wild is that it’s not really about being angry—it’s fear wearing the mask of aggression, and we often don’t see it for what it is until it's already done damage. I was having a conversation with my friend Trevor Boylston, who’s a coach and leadership expert, and he put it this way: “Fear makes us fight to protect something we feel we’re losing.” That stuck with me, because SO OFTEN we disguise our fear behind that sense of aggression because it feels like we can control it. But the truth? It’s a complete disconnect from true confidence. Trevor’s insight on this is spot on—he helps us understand how fear shows up in subtle ways, like defensiveness or shutting people down before they have the chance to finish a thought. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, but it’s also a learned response that we can unlearn. If we’re not consciously aware of how we’re responding, fear takes the wheel, and the confidence we’re striving for gets left behind. Confidence gives you the space to not react from a place of fear. It’s like this invisible shield that helps you stay calm and centered when others are spiraling-- staying grounded, rather than escalating things, is a much more powerful response. So, if you’ve ever found yourself reacting out of fear, snapping at someone, or shutting down in a conversation, this episode is for you. It’s not just about controlling your aggression—it’s about understanding what’s underneath it and building the confidence to face it head-on. Settle in, hit play, and let’s unpack this together. You’ll walk away knowing: How fear turns into aggression and why we don’t always see it. What makes us go from zero to angry in the blink of an eye. Why emotional intelligence is your secret weapon when things get heated. What to do when you feel that aggressive energy bubbling up. How to handle tough conversations without letting fear take the wheel. Trevor Boylston is the guy in the cube next to you who brings the ‘everyman’ perspective to working in a corporate environment as a transgender individual. With experience driving LGBTQ+ empowerment at a leading medical device company, and volunteer service with a leading LGBTQ+ community health center, Trevor brings an authentic view of how to foster an inclusive culture within a corporate structure. Learn more about Trevor or hire him to speak at trevorboylston.com.

The last few weeks have brought a lot of loss into my life—family members, extended family, and friends. Some were expected, others were far too sudden and heartbreaking. Through it all, I kept hearing this phrase: live your best life. And I couldn't help but wonder, what does that really mean? What does it look like to truly live our best life, especially when life can be so unpredictable? When we're young, "living our best life" might look like partying, chasing thrills, and living on the edge. Then, as we hit midlife, maybe it's about career success, raising kids, or building a solid foundation for the future. As we get older, though, living our best life shifts again. We start focusing on health, relationships, and finding more meaningful experiences. It becomes about aligning how we spend our time with what truly matters—our values, our purpose, our joys. Living our best life isn't just about doing what makes us feel good in the moment; it’s about being intentional with our time, energy, and resources. It's about pruning out the things, habits, and even people that no longer serve us. Maybe those friends who were once fun in our twenties don't fit into our life anymore. Maybe that item in the house we've been holding onto for years isn't really bringing us joy. At some point, we all have to make the decision to stop wasting time or energy on things that aren't meaningful anymore. This kind of shift requires maturity, confidence, and the courage to prioritize what really matters. And it’s not always easy—sometimes, it means confronting habits or relationships that we’ve clung to for a long time. But I truly believe that living your best life is about activating those dreams and desires that you’ve pushed aside. Maybe it's traveling to Greece or finally writing that book. It's not about making excuses. It’s about making those things a priority and figuring out how to make them happen. So how do we go about it? I’m glad you asked, but the answers are in the episode. If you’re ready to find out YOUR best life and how to start living into it, listen in.