Simon Mayo's Confessions

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective, as Halloween looms and the nation’s trick-or-treat etiquette comes under serious (and slightly satsuma-based) scrutiny.First up: Sue’s toilet tale, as she takes drastic action against an all-male household’s bathroom crimes… with consequences for everyone, including the dog.Then Paul faces a full-blown chameleon calamity when Cami escapes and ends up having a fluorescent curtain-induced Farrow & Ball crisis.Plus: Constable Knappweed “solves” a burglary with accidental red paint footprints, and Matt’s banking app verification turns into a sleep-deprived, unbuttoned disaster.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for another allegedly coherent episode.Bev relives a mixed-hockey tournament pool night in Wakefield, then it’s back to 1969 as Biffo and Buster conduct a science experiment involving fireworks and cow pat.Plus: a 70s house party, “a packet of Planters” confusion, and a public-school Oliver! medley that pushes one housemaster too far.Got a confession? [email protected]

It’s a very, very special edition of Simon Mayo’s Confessions… a Cluedo special. Five classic confessions are reopened from the crypt, featuring suspicious behaviour on quiet country roads, RAF Police patrols “hunting” late-night Cluedo enthusiasts, and Storm Doris scattering some extremely awkward bin evidence across an English garden.Plus: the Keymaster of ’94 reveals the fatal flaw in a southwest Wales caravan park key system (and the unfortunate elderly couple who walked in at the worst possible moment).And finally, the confession that started it all: Max, the conservatory, Colonel Mustard… and three-and-a-half years of truly despicable behaviour.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective.Mike takes us back to 1971, where a cow’s eye from biology class ends up hiding under a canteen lettuce leaf… with Big Cath, Carol-with-an-E.Then Babs squeezes into her teenage daughter’s favourite dress, enjoys 30 seconds of catwalk glory but it all end terribly. Plus: there's a bus-shelter “coolant” taste test, and Steve’s Frankenstein-inspired plan to rejuvenate Gran with copper wire and a lightning storm.Got a confession? [email protected]

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Holly, Sister Suzi and Brother Matthew for Episode 7 of Season 8… and yes, the numbering is definitely, probably, completely accurate.Thomas confesses to an 80s campaign of fake-spider terror against his devout granny. Doris’s mum admits to tackling the messiest teenage bedroom on earth. Plus: a 1973 sponsored walk sabotaged with reversed arrows, and a Scottish council depot prank that has grown men shouting “PAPER TOWELS NOW!” at a metal box.Got a confession? [email protected]