News Weakly with Sami Shah

We’re on baby watch at News Weakly HQ! Two weeks off incoming—don’t unsubscribe! I’ll be back once I’ve defeated a boss-level nappy.Also: I’m doing a one-night-only 20th anniversary stand-up show:You'd Think After 20 Years I'd Be Better At This13 Nov, 6:30pm — Comedy Republic (Melbourne)Patreon members get a discount code (see the pinned post at patreon.com/samishah). Otherwise, tickets via comedyrepublic.com.au.Top stories of the weekCeasedfire, News Now…Israel and Hamas sign onto Phase One of “The Comprehensive End to the Gaza War”: hostages (living and deceased) returned, prisoner releases, and an IDF pullback to the “yellow line.” Trump promises a pyramid-side signing ceremony, because of course he does. Netanyahhu’s far-right partners rage; Gaza readies aid corridors; everyone reads the fine print with a magnifying glass and a migraine.“A Piece Prize”Nobel Peace Prize goes to Venezuelan democrat María Corina Machado. The Trump White House responds with “politics over peace” energy; Trump congratulates Machado while implying the medal would look better on his mantelpiece.The Ballad of David PocockKicked out (then re-invited) to the Australian Parliament Sports Club after asking why a gambling lobby is a sponsor. PM—who’s listed as club president—says everyone should be welcome. Pocock’s holding out for transparency; Canberra discovers “conflict of interest” isn’t just a footy penalty.Brides, Bombs & Bureaucracy“ISIS brides” and children returned to Australia without formal repatriation—Home Affairs knew for months; two children granted citizenship by descent. Government says “we didn’t help,” which is interesting given how many forms got stamped. Opposition reaches for the Temporary Exclusion Orders talking point; AFP preps for more “self-managed returns.”Artificial (and Financial) IntelligenceDeloitte refunds part of a $440k report after AI-generated howlers (fake cases, phantom sources). Senate calls it a “human intelligence problem”; consultants reassure us they’d never, ever do that (again).French Kisses GoodbyeFrance clocks five prime ministers in two years. Latest: Sébastien Lecornu quits 14 hours after launching his cabinet. Macron’s minority arithmetic meets Parisian patience: both collapse spectacularly.No Wi-Fi, No WorriesTaliban filters throttle social media in Afghanistan; videos stop loading, women lose a key lifeline. It’s the world’s harshest digital detox: great for screen-time stats, catastrophic for rights.Quote of the Week“Peace isn’t a miracle, it’s a temporary pause between tragedies.”Support the showKeep News Weakly healthy: patreon.com/samishahOne-night-only stand-up special (13 Nov): comedyrepublic.com.auShare the episode, leave a review, and tell a friend who argues in comment sections for sport.CreditsSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music “Historic Anticipation” by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Two years after October 7th, the world still argues in absolutes.Pro-Israel voices call it a war for survival.Pro-Palestine voices call it resistance against colonialism.And somewhere between the slogans and the hashtags, the dead keep multiplying.In this News Weakly special, Sami Shah steps back from the noise and looks at the long view — drawing lessons from the Thirty Years’ War, Northern Ireland, and moments of fragile hope in Israeli and Palestinian history.From Westphalia to Belfast, from Gaza to Melbourne, this episode explores what centuries of conflict teach us about exhaustion, reconciliation, and how peace survives when certainty doesn’t.TOPICS COVEREDThe Thirty Years’ War — how Europe learned that faith without restraint leads to ruinThe Troubles — how Ireland turned fatigue into peaceThe Children of October 7 — what two years of war are teaching a new generationAustralia’s role — how to keep our empathy from collapsing into imported hateGlimpses of the impossible — moments when Israelis and Palestinians found shared humanity against the oddsQUOTE OF THE WEEK“You don’t make peace with your friends—you make it with your enemies.” Jonathan PowellSUPPORT THE SHOWHelp keep News Weakly independent and ad-free by joining at👉 patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: thesamishah.comTheme music ‘Historic Anticipation’ by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi everyone, This year marks my twenty years in comedy, and to celebrate I’m doing a one-off, one-time-only anniversary comedy show called:You'd Think After 20 Years I'd Be Better At This13th November, 6:30pmComedy Republic Theatre, MelbourneIt’s twenty years of stand-up crammed into one night—a greatest hits, a worst-of, and some brand new material, all about surviving two decades of comedy, hecklers, pandemics, marriages, divorces, and jokes that should have stayed in the notebook.Tickets are just $25. But if you’re a member at patreon.com/samishah, you’ll get a special discount code, plus that smug glow of knowing you’re keeping this podcast alive and healthy!NEWS WEAKLY – 03rd October, 2025This week on News Weakly:In Manchester, a synagogue attack on Yom Kippur leaves two dead and reignites debates about solidarity, antisemitism, and the perils of bad baby naming.Donald Trump’s Gaza ceasefire plan turns out to be less peace deal, more investor pitch, complete with a “Board of Peace” chaired by Tony Blair.At Quantico, Trump and Pete Hegseth summon America’s generals for a loyalty test that felt alarmingly like Saddam-lite stagecraft.Greta Thunberg is detained after joining a flotilla trying to break the Gaza blockade, proving she’s still willing to put her boat where her mouth is.Saudi Arabia launches the Riyadh Comedy Festival, featuring world-class comedians and world-class hypocrisy.In Australia, Optus blames “human error” for a 000 outage while its parent company Singtel keeps racking up billions without paying tax.Quote of the Week:“When a government points a broad sword inward, it can’t help but cut too deep."Support the ShowWant to enjoy News Weakly ad-free? Head over to patreon.com/samishah. Your support keeps the podcast alive, independent, and fuelled by sarcasm.CreditsSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music Historic Anticipation by Paul Mottram.This podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 180 – 27th September, 2025Hi everyone, This year marks my twenty years in comedy, and to celebrate I’m doing a one-off, one-time-only anniversary comedy show called:You'd Think After 20 Years I'd Be Better At This13th November, 6:30pmComedy Republic Theatre, MelbourneIt’s twenty years of stand-up crammed into one night—a greatest hits, a worst-of, and some brand new material, all about surviving two decades of comedy, hecklers, pandemics, marriages, divorces, and jokes that should have stayed in the notebook.Tickets are just $25. But if you’re a member at patreon.com/samishah, you’ll get a special discount code, plus that smug glow of knowing you’re keeping this podcast alive and healthy!So, if you want cheaper tickets and better karma, sign up to Patreon. Otherwise, grab your tickets now, because once this show’s done, it’s done.TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKUN Turns 80, Still Doesn’t Look a Day Over Irrelevant!Pakistan Offers Saudi Arabia a Bomb Shelter, with Actual Bombs!Andrew Hastie Says Cut Immigration or the Liberals Die, Which Honestly Sounds Like a Win-Win!All that, and just a little bit more, on NEWS WEAKLY!QUOTE OF THE WEEK“Optus is the only telco where ‘Can you hear me now?’ is a philosophical question.”SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent and ad-free by joining Patreon: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music 'Historic Anticipation' by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 179 – 20th September, 2025Sami Shah’s 20th anniversary stand-up show You’d Think After 20 Years I’d Be Better At This is happening on Thursday 13 November, 6:30pm at Comedy Republic, Melbourne. Tickets are $25—but Patreon members get a special discount code. Join at patreon.com/samishah for cheaper tickets and better karma. TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKU-TURN ON TURNING POINT!Charlie Kirk gets shot, mourned, memed, and immediately turned into a martyr—because in America, tragedy is always a prelude to propaganda.DISCORD ON DISCORD!Gen Z in Nepal just toppled their Prime Minister using Discord. Forget bad anime avatars—this server brought down a government.NET ZERO TIMES NET ZERO EQUALS NOT ZERO!Australia’s shiny new 2035 climate targets are “ambitious yet achievable”—which is also what I say about finishing a pack of TimTams and a bottle of wine in one sitting.Plus: Gaza burns, Sudan starves, and the world still manages to look the other way.QUOTE OF THE WEEK“Because people on the Left weren’t sad enough about Charlie Kirk’s death, she’s going to vote for One Nation. That’s like cancelling your Disney Plus account because the cashier at Woolies didn’t tear up when Matthew Perry died.”SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly ad-free and alive by joining the Patreon: patreon.com/samishah. Members get bonus content, book reviews, and discount codes for live shows.Sami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music Historic Anticipation by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Link to the 20th Anniversary live show tickets:https://www.comedyrepublic.com.au/event/38:520/38:1821/Sami Shah: You'd Think After 20 Years I'd Be Better At ThisThursday 13 November, 6:30pmTwenty years. That’s how long it’s been since Sami Shah first stepped on stage, told a joke, and thought, “This’ll be easy.”Two decades later, he's got the stories, and the heckler scars to prove otherwise. In that time, comedy’s changed, the world’s changed, and he's changed. None for the better.This 20th anniversary show is a greatest hits, a worst-of, and a brand-new set all rolled into one. It’s about survival: surviving bad gigs, hostile audiences, global pandemics, marriage(s), divorce(s), and jokes that should never have made it out of the notebook.Expect sharp new material, ancient callbacks, and the kind of honesty that only comes from being too tired to lie anymore.Two decades of stand-up. Zero chance Sami's stopping now.$25.0013 November 202560 minutes18:30Comedy Republic Theatre Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 178 – 6th September, 2025TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKWannabe Dictator Dan!Also, why read a literary journal when you can watch a TikTok instead!All that, and more, on News Weakly!Quote of the Week“The government says this is to help public servants be more ‘frank.’ Which is true, they’ll be frank, because every document will now say: ‘Frankly, fuck off.’”Support the ShowDid you know you can support News Weakly by giving it a 5-star rating and review in your podcast app? Or better yet, join my Patreon at patreon.com/samishah for ad-free episodes, full scripts as newsletters, free short stories, and updates on upcoming shows. Keep the satire free-range and cruelty-free!CREDITSSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music Historic Anticipation by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 177 – 2nd Sept 2025TOP STORY OF THE WEEKMarch of the Meatheads!Also, NOM NOM NOM!And, Katter Does Jefferson!All that, and more, on News Weakly.QUOTE OF THE WEEK“So no, it’s not an invasion—it’s just registered nurses, accountants, and software engineers. If that’s your idea of a hostile takeover, then your enemy is Excel spreadsheets.”SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly ad-free and independent by joining my Patreon: patreon.com/samishahCREDITSSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music Historic Anticipation by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 176 – 30TH AUG 2025TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKFrom Tehran With Hate!Also, Sovereign? More like SoveRUN! Amirite!And, Things go sideways in Nauru!All that and more on News Weakly!QUOTE OF THE WEEK“Just because Israel’s committing genocide in Gaza doesn’t make Iran freedom fighters. Pretending otherwise is like cheering for the Hindenburg because you hate planes.”SUPPORT THE SHOWHi, did you know you can support News Weakly by giving it a 5-star rating and review in the Podcast app? You can also join my Patreon, where you’ll find ad-free episodes, scripts in newsletter form, plus free short stories and updates. Support free-range, cruelty-free news satire at: patreon.com/samishah.Sami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music Historic Anticipation by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 175 – 23rd August, 2025TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKBibi bullies Albo!And, Fuck off we’re full of rallies!Also, What’s the deal with beheading dissidents!All that, and more, on News Weakly.QUOTE OF THE WEEK“Yo mama so weak, she calls it appeasement when people recognise Palestine, but negotiation when Trump offers Gaza as a casino franchise.”SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 174 – 16th August, 2025TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKHamas and Albanese sitting in a tree! R.E.C.O.G.N.I.S.EAnd, Tickle vs. Giggle 2: Giggle Harder!Also, Writers tell Bendigo to get bent!QUOTE OF THE WEEK“When your lead story collapses, just add ‘more’ and hit publish.”SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 173 – 9th August, 2025This week on News Weakly:BIBI’S ALL YOU CAN OCCUPY BUFFET!2 ROBOTDEBT 2 FURIOUS!PRETTY BLOOMIN’ HEALTHY!TRUMP’S PUTIN IT TO MODI!QUOTE OF THE WEEK“When the government automates welfare, it doesn’t create efficiency, it just creates poverty at scale.”SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 72 – 2nd August, 2025This week on News Weakly:TRUMP KEEPS IT AT TEN!STATEHOOD WITH STRINGS ATTACHED!LABOR TAKES THE BRIDGE!SPY HARD: ASIO STRIKES BACK!QUOTE OF THE WEEK“Australia: not important enough to punish further. Put that on a tourism billboard.”SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 171 – 26th July, 2025This week on News Weakly, I go gonzo about my recent trip to America.SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY170 – 26th July, 2025This week on News Weakly, I talk to one of my favourite comedians and human Alice FraserSUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 169 – 14th July, 2025This week on News Weakly, an editorial edition that's a dramatic reading of a new short story I've written. It's about how what happens after AI takes over.Sami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music 'Historic Anticipation' by Paul MottramSound design: 'AI-Generated Ambient Music Experience: Journey Through Sci-Fi Worlds' by PintoCreation SciFI AI VideoThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY168 – 11th July, 2025This week on News Weakly, I talk to satirist and tall guy Mark HumphriesSUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY166 – 5th July, 2025This week on News Weakly, the punk gets the headlines while the IDF gets the body count.TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKVYLAN’CE AND SILENCELOSE MY LUGGAGE, NOT MY DATAFAST, FURIOUS & FROM FAR AWAYPRADA PUTS ITS FOOT IN ITQUOTE OF THE WEEK"We’ve reached a point where words cause more headlines than war crimes."SUPPORT THE SHOWKeep News Weakly independent!Support Sami at: patreon.com/samishahSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

NEWS WEAKLY 165 – 28th JUNE, 2025Hi, did you know you can support News Weakly by giving it a 5-star rating and review in the Podcast app? You can also join my Patreon, where you’ll find the ad-free version of every episode along with the entire script formatted as a newsletter—plus you get short stories and updates on upcoming shows! So support free-range, cruelty-free news satire over at patreon.com/samishah.TOP STORIES OF THE WEEKIf a bunker buster drops on Fordow and no one can confirm it, did it really happen?Also, ABC management knows what they’re doing and are very good at their jobs!And, Trump is your NATO Daddy now!All that, and more, on NEWS WEAKLY.Closing CreditsSami Shah is a multi-award-winning comedian, writer, journalist, and broadcaster.For more: http://thesamishah.comTheme music "Historic Anticipation" by Paul MottramThis podcast is written, hosted, and produced by Sami Shah. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.