Prime Cuts

As we approach the end of Earthspark lots of things are happening. Secrets are revealed, stakes are raised, and family bonds are tested, and new threats with absolutely awful names emerge. Ghoid. What is a Ghoid? Why are they called Ghoids? Are you into Ghoiding? Would you like to see my Ghoidcave? Wasn't it cool when the Ghoids Ghoided all over that guy? You up for getting Ghoided bro? Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid. Noise Space | Discord

Before you ask, no we DON'T know exactly what happened at the end of 'Prime Time'. We aren't entirely sure how much of that was real and how much of that wasn't, but one thing is for sure; Mandroid got his ass beat by a nine year old girl. Also we get to learn what its like when Starscream is nice, see how many seekers we can wrap up in gooey tentacles, be once again impressed by Hashtag's largeness, and question "Hey, what exactly is going on with Quintus Prime?? Is he evil?" Noise Space | Discord

You guys have been requesting this one for like almost two years at this point so it's time that we finally got around to this campy murderdoll in our nonlinear exploration of robots in film. M3gan is a clever and funny little horror movie which takes full advantage of its premise, as well as the talents of its lead performers. The prosthetics, voice work, and physical acting of the titular toy combine to make one hell of a good time. So crank up that Skatt Brothers record and break it down alongside M3gan as we recap and review the film! Noise Space | Discord

This week Optimus Prime reaches new heights of child endangerment, Jawbreaker learns that sometimes it feels good to go apeshit, and KEITH DAVID appears?! Sounds crazy, right? Well forget all that shit, the REAL important thing is that they included a genus of Dinosaur that's likely been invalidated, AND put its fossils in the wrong area!!!! Man, I hope somebody got FIRED for that blunder!! Noise Space | Discord

Ahhh, Da Big City. No tellin' what you'll experience if you spend a night there. Maybe you'll have a wonderful bonding experience with another queer person. Maybe you will experience a micro-agression. Maybe you will have to give your mentor a Stone Cold Stunner while a bird with a Southern accent mocks you, and then fight a dinosaur. One things for sure though, your physically imposing older sibling WILL be mind controlled by an increasingly unhinged maniac in a bid to rid the world of your kind, and will only be thwarted by some kind of insane space magic. These are just universal experiences, people. Noise Space | Discord

Technically this podcast covers two more episodes of Transformers Earthspark, "Bear Necessities" and "Warzone". We make lots of jokes about Annihilation (2018 film), speculate about why GHOST seems to be purposefully tainting wildlife with industrial waste, discuss Sexy Shockwave, and celebrate the return of Steve Blum as Starscream. Then about halfway through we stumbled upon one of the greatest fanwork ideas of all time and it sort of distracted us for the rest of the episode. Noise Space | Discord

Oh boy, here we go again. Tarantulus is back. I bet he's gonna be weird and gross and offputting and...oh? What's that? He's kind and complicated and genuinely concerned for Nightshade? Well, I guess anything can happen in Earthspark. Well, I'm sure Bumblebee has no deeper reason to risk breaking his cover just to do some silly races. Oh? He's trying to find his long lost friend from before the war separated by allegiances but connected by their love of daredevilry? Well golly gee. Well, at least we know one thing; Schloder is just some goofball GHOST agent, nothing else going on there...hm? Oh he's not that at all? Well hot damn, we got a show goin here. Noise Space | Discord

Last time on Earthspark three new babies joined the cast. Now it's time to figure out whats up with them! One of them loves movies and the internet, one of them is a nice boy with severe anxiety, and one of them is impossibly good at advanced engineering projects. We also get more clues about GHOST being completely FINE and NORMAL, Nightshade meets a cow, Hashtag makes a movie, and Jawbreaker talks to Elita One. This show is insanely good, by the way. Noise Space | Discord

OKAY, EARTHSPARK!! These two episodes are absolutely packed with incredible stuff, too much to fit into a measly description, so instead I will give you a list of out of context phrases which relate to some cool shit that happens in this episode; Fusion Cannon Piledriver, Goth Baddie Skywarp, Megatron Energy Shibari, Quintus Prime, Three New Guys, Toxic Plane Yuri, Mandroid Boss Fight, and AMAZING TWITCH MOMENTS. We talked about these episodes for over twice their runtime so thats how you KNOW its good. Noise Space | Discord

Earthspark continues to provide us with all time great incarnations of classic characters. Rowdy Southern Arcee? Yes please! Frenzy with blue hair and pronouns? Sign us up! Soundwave disillusioned and betrayed by Megatron's turn? Wowee!! And the kids go to SCHOOL?!?!?!? ...well okay that one isn't actually all that exciting. But they DO basically watch their adopted robot siblings die, so, you know...anyway, block this goddang overhead!! Noise Space | Discord | That cool Rumble fan design we talked about

What if you were like 2 weeks old or whatever and inadvertently scanned an Autobot scientist's drone as your alternate mode, and then you meet him in the woods while you're looking for a monster from Filipino folklore? What if you and your sister got into a fight so bad you accidentally stumble into a secret government blacksite and almost get murdered by a former war criminal's training program? What if you won the big gaming tournament but none of your family were around to celebrate with you because you had unwittingly isolated yourself from your own traditions? What if there was a guy named Schloder? Where is Mrs. Squiggles? Why isn't Alex Malto on the 76ers right now? We have answers to some of these questions for you, I guess. Noise Space | Discord

We learned a lot this week on Transformers Earthspark; baby cows are really cute, never take teaching advice from Megatron, Witwicky Pennsylvania has some robust rail infrastructure that is used entirely by shady secret organizations, rules are important, the chore chart is VERY important, never trust a guy named Swindle (we've heard this one before), and professional wrestling inspires bad behavior in young viewers. But the one thing we DIDN'T learn is who the hell taught Optimus about fakeout voicemail messages. Noise Space | Discord

New year, new show, same us. In a first for the podcast, we're covering a show that neither of the hosts have seen, Earthspark! We talk about the extremely strong first showing for this series with 'Secret Legacy'. Some great casting choices, cool designs, a fascinating setup for our characters, and the most engaging human cast we've ever had means we're pretty high on Earthspark so far. Also, damn these kids fall down hills a lot! They're gonna skin a knee! Noise Space | Discord

Animated Season 2 left us with a lot of questions. If Sari is a techno-organic hybrid, how come she caught a cold that one time? Why did the Constructicons not ever get a toy? How come Ratchet fucked up that bad? Why does Nero have such an atrocious Ronald Reagan impression? Will Hasbro ever answer for cancelling Animated Season 4? Is Slo-Mo single? At least some of these questions will be answered on this very podcast! Noise Space | Discord

Well, we've reached the end of TFA Season 2. Lots happens this week. Starscream flirts with his externalized girlboss aspect, Sari remakes Home Alone (complete with Joe Pesci), Ratchet reunites with his ex-boyfriend (a sentient weapon of mass destruction), Bulkhead's engineering skills are finally recognized, and shocking revelations about Sari's origin are teased in literally the last 30 seconds of the episode. But before we get into ANY of that Audrey tells Nero about the greatest comment ever left on a Transformers smutfic. Noise Space | Discord

ATTEN-SHUN! THIS WEEK WE ARE TALKING ABOUT EPISODES NINE AND TEN OF TRANSFORMERS ANIMATED SEASON TWO! THEY ARE CALLED 'AUTOBOOT CAMP' AND 'BLACK FRIDAY'! THE FOLLOWING EVENTS WILL BE DESCRIBED IN DETAIL BY YOUR HOSTS; BUMBLEBEE AND BULKHEAD MEET IN BOOT CAMP, BUMBLEBEE ACCIDENTALLY TORTURES SENTINEL PRIME, BUMBLEBEE GETS HIS LEGS RIPPED OFF, BUMBLEBEE IS TRICKED INTO FRAMING AN INNOCENT BOT FOR SPYING, GRIMLOCK HAS A BIG CRUSH ON A GOTH SPIDER, MELTDOWN OFFERS TO MURDER SOMEONE FOR SARI, SURPRISE SCIENCE BONDAGE, AND BUMBLEBEE FAILS THE SHUT UP CHALLENGE!! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 20 TRANSFORM UPS YOU ROBO-MAGGOTS!! (Sorry about my audio this week, I fucked up my mic positioning and did my best to record it- Nero) Noise Space | Discord

As we hit the middle of Animated's second season we begin to get some pretty mid episodes, even if one of them has strangely good animation for no reason. However, that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of things to talk about. This week, Prowl gets caught up in a silly drug metaphor (where the representation of drugs is corpse bits that give you superpowers) while hunting down Starscream with Lockdown, only to find that there are several more Starscreams running around than there used to be. Then we collect all our various human supervillains into the Society of Ultimate Villainy, where they are instantly outshone by their extremely trustworthy ally Swindle. And now for a word from our sponsors! Noise Space | Discord

BADA BING BADA BOOM we're back in the Mix(master) with Transformers Animated, and it's time to meet some more new guys! Bumblebee gets into a rivalry with a cool blue street racer who surely will not turn out to be a named character any time in the future. Then Bulkhead meets some real blue collar guys who were quite literally born yesterday. Will he be able to guide his rough around the edges pals away from Megatron's beguiling influence? Well since the episode is called "Rise of the Constructicons" probably not. Now sit the hell down, crack open some crude ones with the boys, chase some tailpipe, and- HEYY WE'RE PODCASTIN' OVAH HEEEEEAH!! Noise Space | Discord

It's finally here. After alluding to the best montage of all time many times in our past episodes, we've finally arrived at Starscream getting murdered over and over again for 45 seconds. Oh, but don't worry, he's fine. He can't die anymore, and he intends to make this everyone else's problem. Also in this episode, Weird Al has a double meta guest spot, Sentinel and Magnus attempt to make Optimus commit perjury for national security reasons, Ratchet learns how to be nice (sort of), and we come up with the Worst Best Musician Stunt Casting idea in franchise history. Noise Space | Discord

Listeners we are so fucking back...in Detroit, to be specific. We're starting our journey through TFA season 2, and already some nutso shit has happened. Sari Sumdac is (briefly) the world's youngest CEO, the AutoCops have stopped by to investigate all these claims about Decepticons and Allsparks and whatnot, the Headmaster has returned to torment the Autobots (and the Audience), and Professor Sumdac is being forced to do Megatron's evil bidding. But don't worry about all that! Just chillax and watch some Cocomelon with Bulkhead and Bumblebee! Noise Space | Discord