IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean

Legacy. Such a heavy word to hold in your hand. But what does it actually mean? At its core, legacy is creating something that exists independently of you. And to do that, there comes a moment where – as a leader – you have to “trust.” Leaders are notorious firestarters. They light the spark and then tirelessly tend to the coals. But the tricky part comes next. And a legacy-builder knows when to train and trust another to care for your precious coals. You shift into being the leader beside the leader, breaking free to go and blaze a new fire somewhere else. Welcome to an extra special episode to celebrate an extraordinary milestone. This week, sundaebean.com turns TEN, and to help us celebrate this monumental anniversary, I’ve brought in a familiar friend: Naomi Hattaway. An expert in proactive legacy design, Naomi has shared her remarkable personal and professional wisdom with us on IN TRANSIT three times. Today, Naomi will interview me, teasing out reflections about my decade gone by and helping me etch a glimpse into what comes next. Floating high from gratitude, I can’t let this go unsaid or get buried in the content. THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart to my clients, coaches, collaborators, and listeners. You built who I am today because you gave me permission to work with you and allowed me inside your lives to share my messages. I acutely appreciate that this is an occasion that very few businesses get to commemorate, and it’s an achievement that I dedicate – in its entirety – to YOU. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The grief of letting go Aim to cause a ripple effect vs. a viral spike Starting in the middle of your transformation When your heart delivers before you even ask The isolation of entrepreneurship The “Worthy Work” notebook Listen to the Full Episode: Featured: Get the nourishment you need from me 24/7/365 through Adapt & Succeed. My all-in-one program is ready to serve you a full buffet of transformation fuel and comfort food, and I’m sitting at the bar, waiting for you. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed IN TRANSIT Hub Global Coach Coalition Year of Transformation IN TRANSIT Hub Community IN TRANSIT YouTube Channel Naomi Hattaway Catch These Podcasts / Articles: Legacy by Design with Naomi Hattaway We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 10 a.m. in New York, 5 p.m. in Johannesburg, and 10 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’m an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach. And I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through ANY life transition.    Now, today is a huge day because I am inviting you to celebrate with me 10 years in business. I started my company back in June 2013, and I had no idea what was ahead. In today’s episode, I wanted to take a moment to do two things that are important to me. The first is to celebrate and the second is to reflect on where I am in the process of my own ambitious transformation, and that of my company and share the learnings with you.    So, I’m so excited. And to celebrate today and to make this episode extra special, I have invited Naomi Hattaway. You might recognize her from episode 297 Legacy by Design. Naomi Hattaway has recently launched Leaving Well Consulting a practice for individuals and organizations and board of directors who are in periods of transition, right? Sound familiar? She helps organizations be purposeful about the way they transfer knowledge and transition. She also creates stability for the stayers and help support those that are leaving. This woman has been a friend and contact about transitions and transformation for years. So I’m so happy to be joined by her today.    Now, let me tell you, I asked her to join me, I knew what my objectives were. I wanted to celebrate and wanted to share some updates that I haven’t really shared publicly and what happened is right before we hopped on the call. I just had this huge wave of emotion come up and it was just waiting to come out right when we started. And I think what that means is that there is one, a lot to process after 10 years. But also, when you’re making a shift, you’re making a transition, there’s a lot of emotions that are maybe not processed things that you’re letting go of and things that you were looking forward toward.    So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to bring you in on that conversation. It is raw, it is emotional, it is joyful. And there were some “stop the record” moments of realization for me. This episode is dedicated deep deep down from my heart, to my clients to my coaches, to my listeners who have been with me at any point during this journey of the last 10 years. I want to say THANK YOU. Because YOU have built who I am today through your permission to work with you. Through your permission to allow me to come into your life and share my messages, and listen back on what you’re learning from it. So, thank you very much, and take a look at what happened next.    All right, so I had this really great idea that I was gonna bring on Naomi Hattaway to celebrate my 10th business birthday, and that is all exciting. But I am already feeling emotional, I seriously have tears in my eyes and I do not understand what’s going on. So this is exactly why Naomi is here.    Because what we’re going to do is give you a glimpse of how my life has been in transition, how my business has been transition. And I want you to see really how this is amazing and wonderful and I’m so grateful, and how it’s hard. And so, you’re getting a sneak peek at it like live as I get a sneak peek of it because we got on the call and all of a sudden, I was just like, I don’t know why I’m feeling about you.    So welcome, Naomi! I’ll let you do your thing and you just lead me through this.    Naomi: Yeah, well first of all, celebrating is so exciting. I’m so proud of you. As you celebrate 10 years in business, you have gone through around over under all the things. So, I first just want to celebrate with you about 10 years, it’s so incredible.    So, it’s interesting that you were talking about how you had this emotional response, and then you’re like, “Wait, what’s happening?” And we had already talked about this a little bit before, as we were prepping, but this card I pulled right before we got on. And it says, “Be real about where you’re at.” And I think that is so important in the process of leaving well, and inside of transitions. I know that when I’ve moved, I get the spreadsheets out and I get all ready because I can do this, I’ve done this. before. I know how to organize, I know how to structure. And then if I’m not real about where I’m at I don’t process the emotion. So I want to first commend you for also being willing to sit with the emotions.    Okay, so transition is hard and I think one of the things that when I work with folks on leaving well is that we don’t name the emotion. So I’d be curious if you’re willing to dive in to just think through and I’ve got this handy little chart that we can share with folks listening about emotions, and I’ll just hold it up. I don’t know. Is that backwards? I could barely. Okay, that’s good enough right now.  So, the concept is that a lot of times we go into the middle, Joy, fear, sad, but there’s so many emotions underneath. So, when you think about your transition that you’re going through personally and transitions with business, what two or three come up?   Sundae: Oh, that’s a great question. So there is a sense of satisfaction that feels to be very grounded in the center of it. There’s satisfaction in what I’ve been able to do in the last 10 years now and there’s satisfaction in the shift that I’m making right now. So it’s not joy it’s some other – but it’s like this grounded word. It feels solid.    There is another feeling that is there and then on the positive side is gratitude. I’m so grateful for the journey that I have behind me and the one I have ahead. And those are some of the neutral to positive emotions that are there. I think some of the negative emotions or the wobblier ones.    I am really struggling with letting go of a life that I lived for a decade and that is at the same time I’m satisfied with what I’ve done, and I’m actively choosing to do what I’m doing now, and I actively am happy to go toward it. And it still means there’s a grief around letting go. Like an old identity, an old purpose. And, it doesn’t mean that letting go sounds like releasing and never having any of the strings at your fingertips again. And I don’t think that’s quite that clear cut. I think it’s more of like, letting go of a portion of that. But what do they say? There’s an expression about, if you open up your hands then they are free to catch something new.   So I am not very good at not knowing. Someone who’s solution-oriented, someone who is a strategist. I like to have control over my environment, a very active agent. That’s everything that I teach. And I also know that some of the best things in my whole life that have happened are things I didn’t expect, and things that I didn’t plan. So surrender would be the other thing that’s happening right now. Not my favorite word.   Is that an emotion? I think it’s a state of being.    Naomi: I mean, yes. And some of the things that I was writing down as you were talking about was first, around satisfaction, I think it goes so hand in hand with being seen. And so that part of it goes back to the celebration and being able to celebrate with your community, with the folks that have been along this ride with you. They’ve seen your work, you’ve seen their work, and you’ve been all together in this, and I think there’s some tenderness – and some fragility that then comes then like, “Well, what if that goes away?”    Sun

When you move abroad as an accompanying spouse, you spend a lot of time and energy trying to fit in with people who don’t understand you. Giving up your career, not recognizing yourself anymore, overcompensating by baking cupcakes from scratch because grocery store ones just won’t do, dot dot dot. And you can try and explain what it’s like until you’re blue in the face, telling your story to the most empathetic person on the planet. But in the end, it takes one to know one, and if you’re an accompanying spouse, my guest this week will take the words right out of your mouth. It’s my pleasure to welcome back life coach, entrepreneur, author, and member of Global Coach Coalition, Claire Hauxwell. You might remember Claire from EP172 where we discussed Party Fouls.   Claire calls herself a Professional BadASS — the capital “ASS” stands for “Accompanying Supportive Spouse.” For the globally mobile, that’s a creative way to reference people who move abroad with a partner on assignment. Often giving up their own career, the so-called “trailing spouse” can feel unseen, undervalued, and suffers a quiet self-erosion. This happens while the rest of the world regards their life abroad as adventurous and carefree — which, even when true, doesn’t negate a desire for purpose. Claire first became an accompanying spouse in 2009. 14 years later, Claire has five international moves under her belt. Today, Claire returns to share updates on her journey, including a new book where she uses her experience to help other accompanying spouses think big. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Busy but unsatisfied Misunderstanding ungratefulness Coaching session morning sickness Letting go of other people’s opinions Wearing jeans that never break-in Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: What will you and I talk about when you come on this podcast to share YOUR success story? In Global Coach Coalition, we THINK BIG, together. So if you’re done playing small, then join our upcoming class right here.  Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed IN TRANSIT Hub Global Coach Coalition Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In? 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge BadASS Abroad: How to Get Your Expat Shift Together Year of Transformation with Sundae FIGT Claire Hauxwell Catch These Podcasts / Articles: EP190: Scale of Wholeness EP301: The Crumble EP302: Infinite Possibilities EP303: Fight Mode EP304: Triumph In Transit   Who doesn’t love reruns? Well, here comes the Timeless Series. For the next three months, we’ll revive the most evergreen and impactful podcast episodes, blogs, and articles from our archives. And while you quench your thirst for empowering content in Q2, we’re working behind-the-scenes to return with a vengeance for Q3! Thank you for your continued support during these shapeshifting times.   We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 4 a.m. in New York, 10 a.m. in Johannesburg, and 4 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’m an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach. And I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through ANY life transition.  I’m going to pick a caption from a book that will be featured in today’s episode and see if you’ve ever felt this, “Is ‘Done’ an emotion because I feel that in my soul.” Now, if you’re feeling, “Done,” right now, then you want to check out the rest of this episode with Claire Hauxwell because she can help us go from that feeling of absolutely done to living a life where you have your shift together. Claire, welcome to IN TRANSIT.    Claire: Thanks, Sundae for having me. I’m excited to be here.    Sundae: Claire you’ve been at this before, where you helped us and some of the things you shouldn’t say to an expat partner, that was our Party Foul episode. And now I’m having you back on after a huge transformation in your own life. Let me tell people about you before we dive in Claire Hauxwell is what she calls a Professional BadASS and that means Capital ASS: Accompanying Supportive Spouse. For those of you who are not living a globally mobile life, that’s another way, a very creative way to talk about those people who are joining their partner as you move abroad. Or living a mobile life to support your family in the job transitions. With nearly 14 years of experience, Claire has figured out living life abroad. She has five international moves under her belt. And she’s really learned how to embrace all things about living an unbounded and global lifestyle, and what it throws at you.    What’s great about her, is her life because of how mobile it’s been globally, helps her understand in a really deep way, living life in transition. Claire’s originally from Michigan and has been relocating both internationally and domestically for many many years. Claire is also a certified life coach. She works with those to gain confidence, shift their mindset, and create a fulfilling and intentional life at home and abroad. And she is the author of the book, BadASS Abroad: How to Get Your Expat Shift Together. It is relatable, it is funny, and it’s part memoir, part guidebook on a life-changing journey. And Claire has been so kind to share some of her journey with you today. So Claire, thank you for joining us. How long have we known each other?    Claire: We met in 2018 at FIGT , I think.   Sundae: Can you tell me a little bit about– give us a glimpse of where your life was at then.    Claire: When I went to FIGT that year, I turned 40 that year and well I had turned 40 the year before but it was in my 40th year and I was trying to like figure out what I do now. My kids are getting a bit older. Nobody really needs me here. I have all this time on my hands. I’m busy, but I’m not loving anything that I do. And I was writing but I didn’t do anything with my writing and I was spending all my time giving all my energy to other people. And when I went to this conference, which was kind of like a precipice, which is funny because I think I met you and I was like, “Whoa, she seems like super bubbly.” I don’t know how, I don’t know if we knew each other just from online.    Sundae: Yep, South African connection.    Claire: Yeah, expat life is a small world. But I had gotten to this point in my life where I was like, “What the hell is going on?” What are you doing with your life here? Because like everything’s going on around you and you’re just kind of existing.”    Sundae: Well, I can imagine a lot of people can relate to that right now, right?    Claire: Yeah. And I think this was obviously pre-COVID where a lot of things are like now, we’re still existing in a different world today. But back then, I was just like, “I have to be the perfect mom. I have to be the perfect wife. I’ve got to make sure everything looks perfect on the outside. And I have to help and have to…” Well, I didn’t need to do all those things and I was so busy. What but I wasn’t doing things that I loved anymore. I mean, I loved parenting and I loved being a wife but it wasn’t fulfilling me. I had nothing that was my own.    Sundae: Hmm. How did you know that? Like, you have that language for it now, but what were the signs then?    Claire: I didn’t know it then. That was really the thing.  I didn’t know it. And I think what happened was, I started trying to figure something out. Something. I use this term in my book a lot. I use the word, “Something” is missing. And I think I’ve talked to a lot of expat spouses in my time living abroad, which is a lot of expat spouses and everyone’s got a great life. My life is great. I never complained. I didn’t need to complain. I wasn’t, I didn’t have to complain, I wanted for nothing. But something was missing. And it was something for me. It wasn’t like I was giving everything I could to everybody else and that was great and I was doing a good job but I said I can always do more. And I kept doing this but I got to the point where I was getting really uncomfortable with the idea of whatever this something was and it really was like a rock in my shoe.    So it was like, I got really uncomfortable in my own skin. And not uncomfortable from a physical perspective, just I didn’t know who I was anymore.    Sundae: Hmm. The clients I’ve worked with, they say, “I’m happy but unsatisfied.”    Claire: Correct. That’s exactly what it was. I was unfulfilled, I didn’t know what the word “fulfilled” meant because I didn’t know what I liked anymore. I didn’t know. And I and I talked about this in my book a lot because I think, one of the things I say in the book is someone asked me, “What’s your favorite meal?” And, I don’t even know because I only worry about what everyone else wants to eat. That was where I was at in my world. Really uncomfortable and that’s when I had reached out to you. Where I was like, “I don’t know what is happening here.” And I would have been the first person to say, “I will never use a life coach. Who needs a life coach?” I just didn’t know. I wasn’t doing it. And I hesitated for a while but it was like, Something’s gotta give.    I’m doing all the things but I’m not doing one of the things, and that was taking care of me. Or taking care of my needs.   Sundae: So what name would you give the discomfort that you were feeling? Because, obviously, you have to be uncomfortable enough to say “Yes,” to something that probably seems equally uncomfortable.    Claire: Right. Yeah, totally. It’s like when you like, “Oh. I’m a skier.” Great. Let’s put a snowboard on instead. And now throw me down the mountain. It’s like taking on a new adventure. I would say it’s like when a pair of jeans is a bit too tight, you know? It’s because they’re not comfortable anymore. Usually, you can put a pair of jeans on the first day, they’re really stu

Don’t hate me. Or at least let me finish my train of thought before you do, okay? If you’re familiar with my work, you’ve heard me reference the caterpillar-to-butterfly analogy to illustrate the transformation journey. But what if, after the former caterpillar emerges from the chrysalis, it starts flying but instead of living its best butterfly life, it looks back with regret? “There’s so much wind up here! I had it so sweet down there, tucked away in my tree trunk, with predictable access to my all-you-can-eat leaf buffet.” So what can we learn from the sad butterfly? (And no, staying small and safe isn’t it.) 1) It’s normal to miss aspects of your pre-transformation routine and acknowledge the benefits you traded for post-transformation you. 2) Just because you arrive at your Triumph IN TRANSIT phase, doesn’t mean that life gets easier. For the conclusion of our Bean Pod dedicated to the four phases of transformation, I’ve saved the best for last. So pop the champagne because this week, we’re celebrating Triumph IN TRANSIT. As the title suggests, Triumph IN TRANSIT is where you arrive after you’ve traversed through all the tough stuff in your transformation. It’s that sweet spot where you can (finally!) enjoy the fruits of your labor. However, as beautiful as this often underacknowledged phase is, it’s not without pitfalls. So today, I’ll show you how to properly recognize and celebrate Triumph IN TRANSIT. Then, I’ll help you spy with your little eye hidden dangers to stay in this phase as long as possible and be better prepared for when the bubble bursts. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: How to stop upper limiting Paying the wisdom forward You’ve done it before, you’ll do it again Feeling called to do something else Repeating what worked Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: A fast track to Triumph IN TRANSIT? Well, if there ever was one, this is it. LAST CALL to join the 100% FREE 2023 Ambition Compass challenge. I’ve never offered this level of 360-degree coaching in an open event before and won’t host another challenge for a long time. Why miss out? Sign up right here and we’ll get you caught up in a flash. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed IN TRANSIT Hub Global Coach Coalition Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In? 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge Catch These Podcasts / Articles: EP190: Scale of Wholeness EP301: The Crumble EP302: Infinite Possibilities EP303: Fight Mode We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 4 a.m. in New York, 10 a.m. in Johannesburg, and 4 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’m an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach. And I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through ANY life transition.  Today, we are talking about Triumph IN TRANSIT and to tell you the truth, we are often in this phase and completely miss it. It means that all the potential satisfaction and pleasure that we gain from being there is missed because we are not doing the right things to notice. I’m going to talk about the fourth phase of transformation today. It is part of our four part series on transformation. You might recall episode 301: The Crumble, 302: Infinite Possibilities, and 303: Fight Mode. What happens after you’ve gone through this whole journey and you fought to get where you are and you land in Triumph IN TRANSIT?    The problem about not being mindful of this phase is that you have this opportunity to truly enjoy the fruits of your labor and might miss it in an instant because why, because our lives are constantly IN TRANSIT. And if we are in old modes, like our Fight Mode but in a new phase, we actually miss the best part of the phase were actually in. I’ll go into more detail in a little bit, but if you’re asking yourself, “Sundae, I don’t even know what phase of transformation I’m in. I haven’t listened to these podcasts yet.” Then all you got to do is spend two minutes and check out the quiz. We have in the show notes, it will tell you in a playful way where you are right now and then what you can do.    I talk about Green Lights, things to do more of and stop signs, what you want to avoid for each and every phase and here’s the thing, if you know where you are but it’s not this phase, it’s still worth listening to because our lives are often in sort of a messy cycle and you will come around to this area eventually. So you want to make sure that you’re using the right strategies at the right time. So it’s worth listening to all four.    Okay? I want to be really transparent about this topic of Triumph IN TRANSIT. Originally I planned on just diving straight in on what it is, right? It’s a place where you are harvesting the fruits of your labor. It’s the place that you’ve worked so incessantly to reach and now you’re there and you can just enjoy what you’ve built and it was going to just dive straight into things to avoid and things to do more of. But what I couldn’t shake was the fact that this very morning I was looking back on my life IN TRANSIT, I had a moment where I missed my life in South Africa.    Here I am in Switzerland, I love my life here; there’s many new things. It’s not that I want to go back or wish I could rewind and change something, but it still means that there is longing for a time that I experienced there. And what was I longing for? I was longing for the Triumph IN TRANSIT right now. I am somewhere between Infinite Possibilities and Fight Mode. We have recreated our family in a new continent. We have put our children into institutions that they’ve never been to, in languages they haven’t spoken academically. I’ve taken on new roles that I haven’t had before and and I’m working on finding a way to get my exercise routine that I really enjoyed back in South Africa here, right?    So, my life is not there anymore. And this morning when I was thinking about Triumph IN TRANSIT that I remember longing for that. I was longing for when my routine was set, when my health was on point, when date night was fixed, time with the kids guaranteed. And that is the point of Triumph IN TRANSIT  and being aware of it, often, we have to experience it and realize we were not fully embracing it. Have it watch us pass us by and land in The Crumble until we really appreciate where we are now. This isn’t a way to look back with regret. I should have paid attention to it. I should have celebrated more. It’s actually, as a way to look with inspiration and say, “Hey, you got there once, you can get there again.”    Okay. So today we’re going to look at what you should do if you’ve done the hard work and you are now starting to feel the fruits of your labor. Then how can you stay there as long as possible? Because as my mother always says, well, she quotes it from other more famous materials but, “This too shall pass.”    This is also a phase which I find so fascinating. When my clients are in Triumph IN TRANSIT, they are like, “I have the house. I’ve got the kids, I’m doing the work I want. And now, someday, I don’t know if I want it anymore. I built this life and I don’t know if this is it.” And actually what’s happening is they have done the work, they’ve gone through all the phases, they fought for it, now they have it but the question is, “Did I do something wrong?” But more, “What’s next?” right?    “What’s next?” Oftentimes, I talk to people who have wonderful lives and they feel guilty for not being more joyful about everything they have and of course, they should be practicing gratitude. They should be putting things in perspective. In terms of the privilege that they have used vis a vis someone else. There’s a lot of work that they could do to appreciate they are at.    But often and when they do that work, the question is not, “Did I do the wrong thing or am I not appreciating enough?” But is it hard to hear the question.    “What’s next?”  “Do I feel guilty about saying, this isn’t enough?”  “Who would ever say that about having house security relationship security, family? No one would say that out loud”    And it can also be true that you have that and appreciate it and are called to do something next. It doesn’t mean you’re going to leave those things. It’s that there’s something new emerging on top of it. So when you’re in Triumph IN TRANSIT, we want to be able to answer the question with affirmative, “Yes!” on is the juice is worth the squeeze when you work so hard in Fight Mode. Now that you have what you have, is this worth holding on to? Or are you ready to transform into something new, right?    So what happens often in this phase that people do is that they get there and then they self-sabotage they say something like, “Well that was just luck.” Or, “This is as good as it gets.” and they’re not really building on what they’ve already done. So we’re going to look really quickly at a few Stop Signs and a few Green Lights If you’re in Triumph IN TRANSIT. And the thing is, what I find very interesting about this phase is people have this idea that when you get to the phase where you have the business, with a revenue that you’re hoping for or your relationship has a depth of connection that you were yearning for. Whatever it is. They think that their life is going to be easier, but I’m sorry to tell you this, the reality is that your life is probably even more complex than it was before. Your life is still IN TRANSIT.    You now are in a thick of soup of new changes and your body’s changing. Your health is changing, your relationships are changing, right? And some of my clients say, “Sundae, it’s like you burst my bubble.” You think, “Once I made it, let’s say in my marriage or as a parent or my business, that it’ll be easier,” but that’s not true.  I don’t think it ever gets ea

If you want to learn about fighting, learn from the best. Back in 1964, World Heavyweight Champion Sonny Liston was considered unbeatable. Then, Cassius Clay, who later became known as Muhammad Ali, challenged Liston to what turned out to be a legendary boxing match. Before Ali got in the ring, an interviewer asked him about his Fight Mode prep, and how — when no one else could — Ali plans on defeating Liston. Cool as a cucumber, Ali replied, “I’ll float like a butterfly, and sting like a bee.” Notice how Ali didn’t say, “I’ll attack like a raging bull.” No. He used a gentle, graceful butterfly analogy. Floating takes less energy. And Ali knew that when in Fight Mode, you must conserve your resources for the long haul, stinging only when absolutely necessary. We’re suiting up for Fight Mode in the third part of our Bean Pod devoted to the four phases of transformation. And no, it’s not too late to take the fun, FREE quiz. You’re just two minutes away from pinpointing your transformation location. This week feels extra personal because I was born for Fight Mode. (I’ll tell you more about my childhood near-death experiences in the episode.) But whether it’s in your health, marriage, career, or whatever — everybody’s fighting something. So today, I’ll share traits common to the Fight Mode transformation phase. I’ll also guide you on ways to maximize your energy. Then, you’ll see the punches you need to duck, sense opportunities to know when to strike, and ultimately swing for the knockout to score the victory. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Mind junk, dandy dolls, & lousy pushups Shutting up the “mean girl” in your head Getting your driver’s license in a foreign country Why Zumba’s harder with an audience Overly ambitious = consistency death Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: Ding! Ding! Ding! Whatever you’re fighting, I’m jumping into the ring with you. My 100% FREE 2023 Ambition Compass challenge is just getting started and you haven’t missed a thing. You won’t believe the deep level of coaching and surprises I have in store, so sign up right here. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed IN TRANSIT Hub Global Coach Coalition Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In? 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge Tsuks Pro Fitness: trainer_tsuks Martha Beck Catch These Podcasts / Articles: EP301: The Crumble EP302: Infinite Possibilities We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 4 a.m. in New York, 10 a.m. in Johannesburg, and 4 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’m an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach. And I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through ANY life transition.    So, I was at a doctor’s appointment back in, I think, 2016. I’d originally come to her because I had a cold and she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t work with acute infections. I’m more of an integrative specialist but you can come back when you want to look at your overall wellness.” And because I was feeling a little bit up and down, in terms of, I think my hormones, I thought it was a good idea to just have my blood work done and check in with my general health. So, we met, I gave her my blood work, and she does a full examination. She looked at me and she said, “When I look at you and how happy you are and how productive you are, I don’t understand when I look at the blood work.” She said, “The only explanation I have is that you, one, are too good at your coaching strategies because of the level of productivity that you manage. But something else is going on in your body.” And she said, “It’s like you’re stuck in Fight Mode.   You know, fight/flight, fawn or freeze. I am definitely a fighter. And it’s one of those things where you have to be careful that one of your strengths can also become a weakness. And it was in that time where I said to her, “What do you mean stuck on Fight Mode?” And then I was like, “Oh yeah!” We just left Burkina Faso suddenly because of the terrorist attack that was there and the conditions were changing. I solo parented by myself for, I don’t know, five months while our family was split across continents, while I was still running my business. And then in a very short notice, we decided to move to South Africa. We moved there. So, yeah, maybe I was stuck in Fight Mode.   And the thing is, that has been my own journey, especially since then, where I’ve had to learn how to hold Fight Mode where it matters and create balance in other areas where I have to be careful of not being depleted, right? And some people they have the opposite problem. They don’t feel confident yet jumping into the ring. And fighting whatever it is, for your business growth, to get more clients, to work on your house, to fight for your marriage. Whatever it is. Or they jump in but then get out of the ring quick because they don’t think they have what it takes to stay and fight. Even if you were in the phase that we talked about last episode inspired by a dream that you discovered when you were in Infinite Possibilities.    So, this is our dilemma. How do we do Fight Mode without depleting? And how do we start Fight Mode when we are frozen and scared to dive in the ring?    So this is our third pod of a four-part series where we’re going to talk about transformation and how you’re showing up in your life and your business. So if you missed episode 301: The Crumble definitely go check that out or episode 302: Infinite Possibilities because they are jam-packed with information. And if you’re curious about what phase of transformation you’re actually in, then go ahead and take the quiz. It’s super fast and fun in the show notes, it will help you understand where is your area of focus right now and what area of transformation are you in based on that area of focus. And the good news is when we know where we are, we’re able to then identify the strategies that work for that phase. And that’s why I’m doing this 4-part series. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to transformation. We have to hone in and look at where you are and what are the things that will serve you right now? And what are the things they’re going to hold you back?    Just like when I went to the doctor, she said, “This is now, you have to stop fighting.” You need to move into another phase. So knowing what strategies we need when we need it will definitely help you. And by the way, that simple comment from the doctor having someone really look at where I’m at from a very professional level of the signs. Here it was physical, for you, it might be in your business or In your professional craft. That was a pivot point for me to change everything in ways I never knew were possible. It unleashed potential in me that I didn’t even know existed. I was able to crash through limits that I didn’t even know I set for myself. So I really committed to this for you to understand where you are in your process and again, find out where you’re at. And then do what I call Green Lights, more of what works. And Red Lights, avoid what are the pitfalls so that you can really make the most of the phase that you’re in and then nurture where you are in transformation.    So, that’s what we’re going to talk about today. I’m really excited. So for me, personally for better or worse, I was literally born for Fight Mode. I know I hear stories from my mother that she was bedridden with me, most of the pregnancy. So, I was fighting literally from the womb. I was born six weeks early, again fighting to get into this world. And I haven’t shared this. Within, I think six to eight weeks after I was born, I was diagnosed with double pneumonia and nearly died. So I literally, when I say that, I was born for fighting, Fight Mode, I think it’s in my genes.    So throughout my life, I’ve had to work with that and then find out ways that now I can take that energy, that fight, and have it not depleted. So grateful that I’ve been on that journey because my life is full of so much more joy and I hope that people feel that joy because of the work that I did to know what I do with that energy.    So for you maybe you’re a fighter too but you’re fighting in places that are start and stop, start and stop and you’re not seeing the results. You’re working hard but you’re just not getting to the place that you want to get, right? So, I hope this also resonates with you.    Now, today to teach you a little bit more about Fight Mode, I’m going to use the analogy of what I learned when I did boxing in South Africa. So I lived in South Africa for six years and in the last year, I was so lucky to have an amazing boxing coach that would come to our home every Saturday and give us individual lessons for myself and my family. And wow, did I learn a lot about myself during that process. So big shout out to my coach, Tsuks, who was amazing. He’s also a leader, a teacher in boxing, but for yourself when you’re going through that process with him, you’re fighting and you’re at your limits. So shout out to him as well.    Now, again, when we’re looking at the phases of transformation, we talked about The Crumble, that’s where you don’t know what the heck is going on. You’re lost. You might not have a vision of what’s next. Maybe something has been stripped away from you and you just need to literally cocoon yourself and take care of yourself and nurture yourself for that phase, but you don’t yet have direction, right?    When you get into Infinite Possibilities, that phase is where you’re starting to open yourself up to the potential of something new emerging and that’s exciting. But there are Infinite Possibilities. And so, in that moment, when you realize that it’s exciting, you could do anything. And the question is, which one is the right one? Yo

What if I told you that some of the best things in your life haven’t even happened yet? Unpredictable, unplanned, heck, even unimaginable from your current perspective, these shifts will catapult you into the phase of transformation I’ve titled: Infinite Possibilities. And if this sounds exciting that’s because it is, however, this stage isn’t all rainbows and lollipops. I refer to it as “the freeze phase” for a reason. And that’s because people in the Infinite Possibilities stage frequently (and painfully!) bounce between “I can do anything” to “I suck, and this is never going to happen.” For the second part of our Bean Pod dedicated to the four phases of transformation, we’ll deep-dive into Infinite Possibilities. (Did you *recently* take the fun, FREE quiz to discover which phase of transformation you’re in? If not, consider doing it again because where you land is a rolling truth.) So this week, I’ll share some distinguishing characteristics to help you recognize that you’re currently inside the Infinite Possibilities transformation phase. Then, I’ll reveal a few stop signs and green lights to watch out for, and what to do when (not if) you encounter them.  What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Having to settle for Mr. Peanut Teetering on the cusp of something great Capturing “that” feeling before poison sets in Answering someone else’s questions Staying small & playing it safe Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: Do you need more clarity and direction about your transformation? Are you a professional who’s responsible for guiding others through transition (or you want to be)? You’re in luck because my 100% FREE Ambition Compass challenge starts this week! I’ve never offered intensive, 360-degree coaching like this before in a public challenge, so sign up right here and bring a friend! Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed IN TRANSIT Hub Global Coach Coalition Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In? 2023 Ambition Compass Challenge Catch These Podcasts / Articles: EP301: The Crumble We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript It is 3 a.m. in New York 9 a.m. in Johannesburg and 3 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I’m an intercultural strategist transformation facilitator and solution-oriented coach. And I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through ANY life transition.    I often tell people that I’m glad I can’t plan out my life in detail because some of the best things that’ve ever happened to me were completely unplanned and really unpredictable. My life has transformed and continues to transform in ways that are well beyond anything that I could imagine. So you might say that the universe is just a little bit more creative than me.   So today, we are talking about exactly that, the things that we haven’t yet imagined or never think are possible can end up happening to you. And my life is a testament to that. And we are in the second pod of a four-part series where we’re stepping back and we’re looking into transformation and how it is showing up in your life and business. So if you follow my work you know that I see transition differently than most people, I truly believe that our lives are always in transition. Life is in constant transition and that transformation often falls into one of three categories:   Internal-led. Something coming from inside you out. External-led. Something has happened and it’s happening to you and it’s kicking off a transformation Performance-led. You have a big goal that you want to achieve.   Some of you are lucky enough to have all three going on at the same time.    So the thing is we want to look at where we’re putting our focus. It depends on what area of our life is capturing our attention, which area of our life is transforming in a way that is glorious, or it might feel out of control or scary. So I want you, in this episode to think about, what area of your life is most pressing for you? And I want to see if you know, which phase of transformation in that area of your life is in?    This is part of the entire series. Last week, we did The Crumble and this week we’re going to dive into the next phase, and if you don’t know or you want to get a kick start in understanding, which area of your life is most pressing to you and which phase of transformation you’re in, check out my short quiz, it’s playful and fast, it’s in the show notes. And then it will help you understand where you are. And if you took this, let’s say some months ago, or a year ago, take it again because you might not be in the same place you were before.    All right, so let’s get started. I want to have some fun today. Again check out episode 301: The Crumble because that is the first phase we talk about. And transformation, we talk about it in many ways, there are many thought leaders who look at transformation, and what I’m doing is I’m sharing with you the ways I’ve seen people go through transformation in my work. I’ve been with people for well over a decade and this is a beautiful up close lens at what I see people go through.    Okay, so let’s dive into the second phase and this episode and it is called Infinite Possibilities. Now in Switzerland, peanut butter is considered an American thing and when you go to the grocery store, they might not have it. And there is a store that I know does have it and you walk in and there are there only two choices, it’s creamy or chunky. And I think the name of the peanut butter is Mr. Peanut. So, that’s it. You go in choice one, choice two. And sometimes I sit in front of it and I’m like, “Creamy? Do I like it? My kids like chunky. What I’m in the mood for?” So I stand there for a second and I make my choice. I Googled peanut butter in Switzerland and there were two million results that came up, which I thought, “Okay. One option of a product we can have in the store. And we’ll make a decision.”    But in the U.S., if you Google it, there aren’t two million results that come up. There are 20 million. In fact, peanut butter is such a thing in the U.S. that there are over 3,000 people who are employed in the peanut butter production industry in 2023. So the U.S. takes her peanut butter very seriously. In fact, there’s a whole aisle of peanut butter And because I don’t live in the U.S., when I go back to the U.S, I go into the peanut butter aisle and there’s this initial like moment of delight where I’m like, “Oh look at all these options,” right? And then, do you know what happens? I freeze. I go into complete overwhelm. And that is what Infinite Possibilities feels like.   So if you resonate with this story with some other area of your life, you’re probably in Infinite Possibilities, right? You have this moment, let’s say it’s in your business, you just got your coaching certification and you’re working on your website and you’re like, “Anything is possible. I could work with my dream clients. I could make a lot of money. I could pay for business class when I fly like,” whatever. You’re excited, you’re totally open and you’re ready to create a flexible schedule and work around your hours. And it’s delightful and then overwhelm and self-doubt creep up. You ask yourself, “Is it possible? How will I do that? What will it take? Do I have what it takes?”  And this phase, while you’re probably happy you’ve moved on from the crumble, where you were feeling, maybe loss or confusion, you are plummeted by questions, including a really important one that emerges and that is, “What next?” And when we have infinite possibilities the answer to what’s next could be anything and we don’t have a guarantee, right? And that’s why Infinite Possibilities is both delightful and can be difficult. No wonder people freeze in this phase.    So if you have a moment, that’s where you think, “Hey, anything’s possible.” And then the next moment you’re like, “I suck. This is never going to happen.” Then you’re probably in Infinite Possibilities. I get it. So this is especially for people who are starting a new business, maybe have shifted their profession. Maybe you’ve moved to another country or you just started at a new organization or maybe you have just started a family. There’s this moment of your life in transition where we are at the cusp of something but you haven’t yet established results or a routine that match. One of a thousand dreams that are in your head, right?    And that’s normal. Remember your life is IN TRANSIT and this is a natural phase of transformation and I’ve got your back. So as we did in episode 301, I’m going to share with you some signs on things that are Stop Signs, what you should stop in its tracks. And what you could do more of what are the Green Lights. Again, this is really complex. We’re going to go into this in more detail in the quiz. If you take it as well, there are some podcasts  I’ve recommended. And what I haven’t mentioned yet is we are doing a free challenge all of February 2023, deep diving into these phases of transformation and to help you understand your complex life. Whether it’s your professional life, your personal life, your community life, etc, etc.    Which area of transformation are you in for that area that is meaningful to you? And then, what do you do to nurture that phase so you make the most of it? What are you doing that’s sabotaging you? And what can you do to move forward?    So, if you haven’t signed up for that free challenge yet, do so because all kinds of goodness is going to happen. If for some reason you’re listening to this episode later and the challenge has past, make sure you’re part of my IN TRANSIT Hub community because we have all the materials inside there.    Okay. So, back to stop signs and green lights. Stop signs. If you were in Infinite Possibilities and you’re doing t

Who else has had enough of toxic positivity? Life is hard; the trauma going on in our world is hard; the stuff happening in your individual world is hard; being IN TRANSIT is hard; transformation is hard. No one gets a free pass. So then why do we insist on sanitizing our reaction to such absolute truths? Why do we consider ourselves an exception to the human experience? What if instead of pretending, avoiding, or misrepresenting our “crumble,” we shooed shame away and allowed ourselves space and grace to fully *feel* the hard. As the dust settles upon 2023, many of you have confided in me that you sense this will be a year of transformation for you. I get that feeling too. So let’s get back to basics with a four-part Bean Pod to help you understand and hack each of the four phases of transformation. This week, I’ll first provide a refresher on the three primary varieties of transformation: internal-led, external-led, and performance-led. (And YES, you might self-identify that you’re simultaneously experiencing two, or all three types!) Then, I’ll break down The Crumble phase. And if you recognize yourself in it, I’ll give you language to meet you where you are, and tips for how to get yourself on the other side. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: No square skipping When procrastination sabotages performance The version of “The Crumble” that’s tougher to detect Danger of premature transformation Accepting the loss of control Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: Need a little help to figure out which phase of transformation you’re in? I got just the trick! Take this fun,  FREE quiz right here, and find out lickety-split. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed Amel Derragui IN TRANSIT Hub Global Coach Coalition Quiz: Which Phase of Transformation Are You In? Catch These Podcasts / Articles: EP265: New Name, Same Soul EP286: Upgrade Your Operating System EP266: The Constant Transition EP269: Rest vs Recovery Tandem Nomads EP266: The Journey To Brand Evolution And Transformation with Sundae Bean. EP217: Life In Limbo EP299: Transition Essentials With Natasha Nkonjera We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello and welcome to another very special edition of IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am back in Switzerland. And this is our three hundred and first episode airing on the podcast’s 6 birthday.   Before we dive into this episode, I want to say “thank you” for being here. We’ve officially crossed the mark of 300 episodes. This is episode 301 and is the podcast’s sixth birthday. It is 4 a.m. in New York, 10 a.m. in Johannesburg, and 4 p.m. in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   So join me in celebrating this 6th birthday of the podcast. If you are an avid listener, you know that the last episode was our 300th episode. And we celebrated all week long. That celebration continues because it is our 6th birthday here at the podcast. And thank you to those of you who shared with us the podcast that made the difference for you. Our Rest and Recovery podcast has been a big hit as well as episode 286: Upgrading Your Operating System as well as all of the other episodes that were to do with transformation. So we are going to focus on that process in this episode today. And what better time than on the first anniversary of my brand evolution?    So as a side note if you want to get a behind-the-scenes view on the evolution of this podcast and my brand that is marked by this year, then you can check out episode 265: New Name, Same Soul, there’s a totally different view that it was a guest on Tandem Nomads podcast with Amel Derragui 266, she talks about the journey of mine on the brand evolution into transformation. So you get a sneak peek of what was happening behind the scenes with all of that. So, if you haven’t listened, go ahead and check it out.    So because we’re talking about transformation, we’re celebrating these moments of evolution and looking at where we started and where we are now. It’s only fitting that we focus on that for you today. We want to look at your own business and personal transformation, right? And I want to help you look at where you are in your own process, and how you can be showing up in your life or business depending on that exact moment of transformation that you find yourself in.    So today’s episode kicks off a four-part pod or series where we look at transformation. So if you are someone who’s asking yourself, “Well I kind of feel like I’m in some sort of transition and transformation, but I really don’t know where. But something feels like it’s off or it feels outside of my control,” this is exactly what you want to check out. Most of my listeners when we dive deep on this say that, “It’s almost creepy,” because they understand exactly how it fits into their life. They finally have words for what they’re experiencing. And the bonus part about this episode in this whole series is that if you are someone who works with people who are in transition like working with expats or the globally mobile or you want to this will help you get language around that process. You can also apply it to your own business. So I’m excited. I’ll share more about why that’s relevant too at the end of our episode today.   But first we’re going to look at some of the basics: Now number one, when we think about where we are in transformation, it’s important for us to think about our lives and how it’s in constant transition, right? I say more about that, in episode 266: The Constant Transition. But we really have to keep in mind that our transitions are rarely singular. They are most often layered. And that means at any given point of your life. You could be going through geographical location, maybe your family is evolving. Your body may be changing. Maybe some key relationships are forming or even dissolving. And I don’t know, maybe the economy is fluctuating, and there could be global politics and those dynamics are shifting.    Does this sound familiar? That our lives are constantly IN TRANSIT, right? And let’s start with that, that’s important for us to acknowledge Because it helps us give ourselves a little bit of grace for everything that we are navigating.    I had a client do this exercise that I do about ambitious transformation in transition at the end she said, “To be honest, Sundae, everything they’re listed was something I was aware of but until I saw how much I was dealing with at one time, was I able to actually give myself some grace for carrying that.” So I hope you can take inventory in your own life, how your life is constantly IN TRANSIT  and take note of how many layers.   So now in addition to that, that is the soup that we are swimming in that is constantly shifting and changing. At the same time, we are going through a transformation in our lives and it might be one of three types of transformations:   Internal-Led. That means you wake up one day and you’re like, “Um. No, no longer working for me.” Whatever that status quo is for you. But you wake up and you know something has to change, but you might not know what it is, right? That was a sign of an internal-led transformation.    Maybe the city you’re living in just feels like a jacket. That’s too tight. Maybe the job that you’re doing feels like a pair of shoes that no longer fit. Whatever that is that is an internal-led transformation.   Then, of course, we have the External-Led Transformations, meaning change happened and you have to adjust. I don’t know, maybe it is an energy crisis on the continent or maybe there was a break in your relationship that you did not see coming. No matter what it is, you are now put into a situation where you need to try to bounce back from a back slide or at least try to rebuild after things have shifted. That is a sign that your life is in an external-led transformation. Whether you like it or not, that’s happening.    Then, there’s a third kind of transformation and that is Performance-Led. And that is this desire you feel to achieve a really big goal and whatever that big goal means for you. Maybe it means doing less at work so you can do more with your art. Or maybe it means getting that promotion. Or maybe it means hitting that significant revenue mark in your business. Whatever it is, it’s what you’re dreaming about. You might even be planning or you might have that goal but you’re stuck in years of procrastination. Whatever that is, it’s a sign that there is a performance-led transformation going on in your life.    And the interesting thing about that is maybe one resonates with you, you’re like, “Oh, completely. My life is in the middle of an external-led transformation.” Or maybe you say, “Oh this is all internal and thankfully now I have a name for it.” Or you might be someone who says, “Actually, I feel like I’ve got all three going on at the same time.” At least now you’ve got language for that. And regardless of how you feel like you’re being driven in terms of transformation, you know you need a plan to get on the other side of that transformation. And you know that just getting organized or thinking positive or putting in the time, whatever that is is not enough, it’s not going to cut it. You need to do something differently to create a life that is overflowing with purpose and meaning and balance, right?    And that’s what I’m all about. That’s what I am here for. So I want us to spend the next four episodes talking about in what ways our lives are in transformation? Where are we in this journey? And I want to have a little fun while we do this along the way. So to get started, I want you to ask

Last year’s Sex & Connection two-part series with Irene Fehr broke the internet. Ok, not in a Taylor-Swift-tickets-go-on-sale way but calibrated against my podcast stats. (And IN TRANSIT ranks top 5% globally, so it’s no slouch. Have I thanked you for listening yet? Keep reading because I will.) It’s no wonder the Sex & Connection duo were some of the most downloaded episodes of the past 100. A hot topic with taboo remnants, the series overflowed with superb expert advice for improved intimacy in long-term relationships. Now, what you don’t realize was the discomfort I had to overcome to spotlight such subject matter on the show. Sex was something that didn’t get talked about during my conservative upbringing. So to go from that background to discussing it openly with the world forced me to stretch. We’re continuing our Reflections Bean Pod by celebrating the podcast’s 300th episode and its sixth birthday. And with 2023 fresh as a daisy, I can now spy with my little eye my 10th business anniversary on the horizon, making this a perfect time to look back and ahead. I’ll reveal some never-before-shared insights from my personal and professional journeys and give you a glimpse into what’s next. Thank you for being here. I have so much to be grateful for, and I’m convinced it’s all because of you. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Side effects of strolling around New York City Friendships that resemble flowers in a garden Sitting on a newly gained treasure chest of wisdom Why reverse ageism doesn’t exist You learn how to do it by doing Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: Transformation, of any size, takes courage. You bring the ambition, and I’ll bring the support. Reintroducing Adapt & Succeed. Revamped and ready to get you through any life transition. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed Wisdom Fusion: Ageism and Womanhood Collide Highlight Reel Trudi LeBron Amel Derragui Naomi Hattaway Ashton Applewhite: This Chair Rocks Wisdom Fusion 35 Best Expat Podcasts IN TRANSIT Hub Global Coach Coalition Catch These Podcasts / Articles: EP123:Change Shame EP03: Celebrate You First Four Episodes EP100: Behind The Scenes – 100 Episodes of Expat Happy Hour EP200: Consistency Commitment EP226: The Space Women Crave EP287: Dismantling Ageism with Ashton Applewhite EP288: The Intergenerational Garden with Rabbi Hayim Herring EP289: Aging and Positive Psychology with Natasha Ginnivan EP281: Sex & Connection – Pt 1 with Irene Fehr EP282: Sex & Connection – Pt 2 with Irene Fehr EP226: The Space Women Crave EP266: The Constant Transition EP293: Responsible Leadership with Trudi LeBron EP297: Legacy by Design with Naomi Hattaway EP218: From Stuck to Sorted in 22 Minutes EP269: Rest vs Recovery EP278 called The Biology of Business Tap Into Intergenerational Wisdom At Work We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is and welcome to a very special episode of IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean, we are recording from New York City in honor of our 300th episode and marking the sixth year of the podcast. It is 1 p.m in New York, 8 p.m in Johannesburg, and 1 a.m in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining me in celebrating this 300th episode. Today is a huge milestone in my life and in the life of this podcast and of course, for my business and I hope as a community. And this is why I’m even more excited that I am recording this live from New York City because as I’ll tell you in a moment, New York holds a special significance to the podcast. And just a warning, I flew in last night, I’m a little bit jet-lagged and my heart is wide open so I hope not to get too mushy in this episode but you’ve been fairly warned.    I am humbled that you are still with me, 300 episodes in. It’s been an incredible journey and to celebrate that I wanted to give you a sneak peek on how it all got started. And then highlight the last most recent 100 episodes in three ways:   First, a sneak peek into some of the personal evolution that was going on in my own world. How that impacted how you saw that come through in the podcast.    Then also from a business perspective, what seeps through.    And then of course, I want to talk about the impact on my clients and my listeners. Which episodes sort of hint to that.   And then maybe a little bit about what’s next.    So here we go. I’ve been thinking about this all morning. This morning, I woke up, I got a great night’s sleep, considering the fact that I’m on a six hour time difference and I walked around the city. I saw Rockefeller Center, I saw Times Square. I went to Central Park, I went to Grand Central Station and it just lifted my spirits. I’ve made a few special episodes around the city or a few videos for you around the city to sort of honor and celebrate this event. So if you haven’t seen them on social media, do check them out because New York is a little bit of a birthplace of the podcast and I’ll tell you a little bit about how that came.    Now in 2016, I was working with a media team, a media agent to help get my message out there more. I’m all about impact and we were looking at ways that I can create more impact for those that I want to serve the most. And one of the things that we did is we distilled the years and years, and years of learning. And strategies have been coming up in my coaching for my community into a program called Adapt and Succeed. And that’s how we got to get to know each other and work together. And I came to New York City. I recorded the podcast, and we had a wonderful time together.    He was very, very direct with me. And when I got back, he said, “Listen Sundae. I know, you’re ambitious, I know that you want to make an impact, but if you want to make an impact, you have to stop blogging. ”He goes, “I’ve seen you. I’ve met you. People need to experience you.” He said, “You need to stop blogging and start a podcast. If you want to make an impact, that’s how you’re going to do it.”    So here I am, I don’t even listen to podcasts. I hate the sound of my voice and he’s telling me I should start a podcast, right? So he convinced me because I am super committed to this idea of making an impact. I knew I would be able to reach more people if I did that. And for me, this is so personal, your journey is personal. My journey is personal and writing, while a really effective medium, isn’t always the best way to convey that.    So, in around November, December 2016, I recorded the first episodes of the podcast. And at that time, it was called Expat Happy Hour. And we released them January 30th, 2017. So if you haven’t checked them out, do not check them out, they’re awful. I mean, they’re good content, but what I listen to the quality of my recordings, I listen to what I was doing then. Oh my God, I was such a beginner. But, you know what? I sucked at it. I did, but I’m proud of myself because I learned how to do it by doing it. I didn’t wait until I was good to start. I started and I grew. And this is what I teach my clients all the time, right? So when I look back at episodes 1, 2, 3 4 probably very early, the first couple dozen there’s like “Change Shame” where I have a podcast episode on this, will have to link it for you.   But where I have a little bit of shame around how much I’ve changed. I’m proud of how I’ve developed but I’m shamey around where I used to be. And I’m grateful those episodes are still alive because I can honor my growth. And I did this challenge inside my free community, the IN TRANSIT Hub. And I shared one of the old episodes. I think, like, episode 3 about celebrating, and it’s still really relevant content wise and one of the members of my community said she noticed a dramatic difference from those early episodes to my new episodes.    And she said, not as a criticism of how bad. The first episode was, it was a compliment of the growth. And so I’m keeping it out there, honestly, God, my stomach turns when I think about it. But if you’ve been here since 2017, thank you for sticking with me. And if you want to celebrate the journey of building competence, just listen to the earlier episodes and then listen to the ones now. Like, that’s what growth is, it doesn’t happen by itself. You don’t achieve mastery by hiding, you put your skin in the game and you go for it. Anyway, that’s a little rant, but it’s relevant to the journey.    So back in January. 2017. We had four episodes that went live so that when people were interested, they could listen to more than one. We had some amazing guests early on in the show, and I thank them for their support before I even had an audience. And then I just went for it. Every week, putting out episodes, and here we are 300 episodes later. I had no idea then that I would be recognized on lists, “Top XYZ podcast.” That I was able to look at the tracking and find out that my podcast was consistently in the top 5% globally. Like, what the heck? So this is only happening because of you. And thank you for your trust in my messages, in my guests, in my ideas, and everything I do is centered on what I’m learning in my life and my community, and with my clients.   So, thank you for being part of that. Today as I said, I’m going to focus on three things, my personal evolution in the last hundred episodes what’s been going on and how that is trickled through into the episodes. Then we’ll focus on a bit about my business and then talk about some of the clients impacts that hopefully can help you as well. If you haven’t heard those episodes.    So the last hundred episodes, I’ve done a reflection, in e

Hello, 2023! I have some big plans for you. After the past few years, you probably thought I’d tiptoe in like a mouse, but nah-ah; I’m coming in like a determined lion. Sure, I’m looking at you with a glossy, future-oriented gaze, full of hope, enthusiasm, and fresh-slate thinking. But not so fast, because I need to properly bid adieu to 2022 first. Dear, 2022… I thank you for pushing me to take huge risks; we did a lot of hard things together, didn’t we? And although we’re saying goodbye, I’m bringing your lessons with me, for I’m wiser and stronger because of them. Welcome to our Reflections Bean Pod, and the first series of 2023! This week, I’m joined by my right-hand-woman, Natasha Nkonjera, for an episode that’s truly straight from the heart. The owner of Fierce Collab, Natasha’s been my ride-or-die for years. Especially over these last few months, I don’t know how I could run SundaeBean.com without her masterful support. And as our chat will reveal, Natasha *also* experienced monumental transitions in 2022. Today, Natasha and I reflect on our simultaneous moves out of South Africa. Together, unscripted and fully transparent, we both share the beautiful parts, the ugly bits, and IN TRANSIT support essentials. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The nighttime scaries Craving proximity to family Victory in not letting your mind consume you Finding laughter in the chaos Bringing “home” with you Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: What hard stuff are you facing in 2023? Whatever it is, you’ll be ready. Meet the BRAND-NEW Adapt & Succeed = a one-of-a-kind program created to revolutionize the way individuals and organizations manage transitions. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Adapt and Succeed Fierce Collab with Natasha Nkonjera Natasha Nkonjera – LinkedIn Pauline Alberts – Website Global Coach Coalition Byron Katie Catch These Podcasts / Articles: EP298: Legacy Design with Naomi Hattaway Pillow Test from EP214: Life Inventory We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 4:00 am in New York, 11:00 am in Johannesburg, and 4:00 am in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   What happens when a Swiss American meets a Malawian in South Africa? You know what happens? Magic. Today I am joined by my right-hand woman Natasha Nkonjera. She is my secret weapon at SundaeBean.com and the owner of Fierce Collab. She specializes in branding and project management. So, Natasha, thank you for joining me today. I’ll tell people more about how much preparation you’ve had for this podcast, but thank you for being here.    Natasha: Thank you, Sundae. Yay, I’m glad to be on the podcast.    Sundae: Okay, listen. So what just happened is I prepared the test everything was ready and then all of a sudden I was like, “You know what? This would be a lot more fun to do a Natasha.” So I literally sent her a request on my phone. So for those of you who are watching this podcast on the YouTube channel, I sent her an audio request and I was waiting patiently to see if she would be willing to do it and she agreed. So, no preparation, no script, no prompting. Natasha, thank you for joining me to kick off 2023 with our listeners. Those of you who are listening and now this is the first episode of 2023 and Natasha is such an integral part of my team. It just feels right for us to do this together because both of us have had transitions behind us in 2022. Obviously transition is ongoing. So 2023. I’ll say more about mine but Natasha why don’t you tell the listeners a little bit about the transition you’ve just been through.    Natasha: Yeah, so, again, thank you for having me, totally unscripted. But my most recent transition was moving back home to Malawi, from South Africa in August. Also happened very kind of out of the blue. I decided after the pandemic that I just wanted to be closer to family. And yeah, made the decision in April and decided to move back home in August. Repat. So yeah, it’s been a lot but it’s been great.    Sundae: What’s so interesting. So I knew I was transitioning end of June,  you were transitioning end of August. So, both of us were like, in massive transition mode during this whole time. At the same time we were upgrading our program Adapt and Succeed, which is all about transition. So, we were really forced to, at least it for me, was an invitation to think about living the principles. Am I walking the talk? Because when I had to re-record the things or we looked at the material, some of the stuff were like best practices that I wasn’t doing at that moment. And I knew I needed to do it.   Natasha: Exactly.   Sundae: To support myself.  I don’t know if you had that too while you were in transition.    Natasha: I did. So I did part of the Adapt and Succeed course while I was transitioning which actually helped me a lot and it helped me put everything in perspective and sort of dial everything down to like, “Okay, how am I actually going to reintegrated into my home country?” And yeah, if it wasn’t for the teachings in a Adapt and Succeed, I don’t think I would have been as level-headed as I was when it happened. I appreciate it.   Sundae: It was good timing. It was good timing to be doing the project. We can talk about more of that in a second but I would want to do is I want you as a listener to think about, often times at the beginning of a year people are focused on what’s new. You hear quotes like, “Starting a chapter of a new book and you can write the page,” and it’s very much future-oriented and fresh slate, which I  love, right? And I also feel there’s a little bit of a missed opportunity to look back at the year that you just experienced to bring it with you into the new year. Because what we went through just now helps us make better choices for those pages that are to be written, right? So again, Natasha, you’re not prepped with this. So no stress or no pressure to have to come up with something innovative or brilliant but I’m going to share mine. I’ll share what I’m thinking and I’m curious what comes up for you.    One of the things I like to do when I transition between years, right now in the recording, it’s 22 to 23. I like to reflect on what am I thankful to my 2022 self. So if I look back, we’re recording this right before the new year, so I we’re still in it. And I think, well, the first instinct is like, “Wow, that was hard. I did a lot of hard things,” right? But then, if I go a little further, I ask myself, “What am I thankful for to my 2022 self?” And I am thankful for doing the hard things.    I also, like you. I wanted to be closer to our community in Switzerland. And I wanted my boys to be closer to the cultural context in Switzerland. And that comes with a huge expression of energy and risk. So I’m thankful to my 2022 self for taking risks for doing the right thing. Even if it was a hard thing. I mean, I’ve had hard conversations and the one word I wrote down or the one phrase when I was thinking about this was, “There are some leaps of faith that I took.” So I am thankful to my 2022 to self for that.    Natasha: I love that. I love that.    Sundae: What about you?    Natasha: I love that you said “risk” because I feel the same. I think risk was a big word with this transitioning back home. But, I think for me, initially, it was about love. I think, I just wanted to surround myself with love again. I was feeling really isolated and alone. Even though I have my friends and I’ve got some family in South Africa. I just don’t feel like I had enough time with my immediate family or surrounded myself with my immediate family, having lived in South Africa for so long. And I felt like this was it just felt like the right time to get back to love.    One quote that I’m sort of living by and I believe you mentioned this in one of your episodes. It comes from Brene Brown, and it’s sort of related to Maya Angelou, and it goes something like, “You belong everywhere and you belong nowhere.”    And I think coming back “home,” I expected to feel at home with the location and being here and very often since I’ve been here, I haven’t felt like I’m home, And listening to that quote and reading that quote, made me realize that actually I’m here for love, but my home is actually within me and it’s not a place. It’s what I bring.    Sundae: And you know what’s so interesting? I was just having a conversation about this and we talked about the metaphor of landing somewhere, right? The choice that you made in your life, whether it’s a job or relocation or repatriating, or whatever. And this expression of empty shell came up. You get there and you want to feel whole. But there’s an empty shell. And then you’re faced with a decision of like, “Is this a choice. Is it going to always feel that way?” And when I heard that metaphor, I really it resonated in a sense of like, empty shell that I need to fill. And with a gentleness. Not explode with something but like gently fill that shell so it feels whole and maybe create reinforcement of the shell, so it’s not fragile. You want to land somewhere? And boom. It’s full, right? But it’s actually like, “No, I land and it needs to come.” You need to build from within whether that’s like your own self-love and acceptance or community or connection or fulfillment or purpose or whatever, but that has to be filled gently. That’s so interesting.    Natasha: And it’s holistic, so filling in with all the different things that should fulfill you not just –   Sundae: And stable, stable over time. Instead of like, “I’m just going to do something really exotic that meets this need for adventure and then everyth

Shame is a universal experience. At some point, we all feel it, and at every point, we try to avoid it. That’s why many high-achievers are also people-pleasers and perfectionists. And this pattern of exhausting behavior almost always erodes self-confidence because: 1) We’re not robots, nobody’s perfect, and we all make mistakes. 2) You’ll never please everyone. And I really mean never-will-you-ever. So, the next time you engage in that unobtainable perfectionism chase, you’ll at least be aware that you’re letting “shame” drive the bus of your life. (Rather than tucking it into the trunk, next to that half-broken umbrella, where it belongs!) For the conclusion of our Intentional Support Podcast, I’m delighted to welcome best-selling author and podcaster, Andrea Owen. Her specialty is helping high-achieving women maximize unshakable confidence and master resilience. Often sold out, Andrea’s books are translated into 20 languages and are available in 23+ countries. I couldn’t put down: How to Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness. (And return to it often whenever I need an inspiration refresh.) Today, Andrea and I discuss the trauma spectrum. Andrea also reveals traits and habits that can sneakily sap self-confidence, and what to do instead. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The push/pull of intimacy Beer commercials & Kodak moments When your friends socially exclude you Collecting trauma letters throughout life Catastrophizing & rehearsing tragedy Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: This holiday season, give yourself or someone you care about the gift of intentional support. It’s guaranteed to fit, internationally relevant, and stacked with tools and resources that are reusable for life. Welcome to the ***BRAND-NEW*** Adapt & Succeed right here. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Andrea Owen – Website How to Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits that Are Holding You Back from Happiness by Andrea Owen   Make Some Noise: Speak your Mind and Own your Strength by Andrea Owen Andrea Owen – LinkedIn Dr. Brene Brown We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, It is 1:00 pm in New York, 8:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 1:00 am in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   So, I have, to be honest, this was back several years and I had a huge epiphany. Excuse my French, but I didn’t know I felt like shit until I didn’t. And this epiphany was very tied with something I did not realize at the time, which is that I was operating on a mode of endurance and not resilience. And if you know my work, you know that I preached that endurance leads to depletion and resilience leads to rejuvenation, performance, and just the good life. And I can’t think of anybody better to have us join on the show, but Andrea Owen, who is an expert on resilience. So Andrea, welcome to the show today.    Andrea: Sundae. Thank you so much. I am so happy to be here.    Sundae: So I’m going to tell the audience a little bit about you, in case they’re not familiar with your work and if they aren’t they are missing out. So Andrea is the author of prolific writing in so many ways. I’ll tell you more about our books in a second. She’s a global keynote speaker. And, of course, a professional certified life coach. I’ve seen her in action, she’s amazing. She helps high-achieving women maximize unshakable confidence. Who doesn’t want that? And as I said before, master resilience.   What I love about her is she talks about how an individual can empower themselves to live what she calls, “Your most kick-ass life.” And Andrea, I don’t know if you know this, but I think I knew about your work way, way, way back when you started through a similar coaching community, that we share. So I’ve seen your work for the years and I’ve watched it develop. And what’s so exciting is to watch her books sell out, her coaching book out, and her podcast just hit over 4 million downloads. Right?    So, why is all this happening? It is because she is Is the author behind this fabulous book called; How to Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness. They’ve been translated in almost 20 languages, the last time I counted, available in over 23 countries. And one of my favorites recently is; Make Some Noise: Speak your Mind And Own Your Strength. So lots more I know to come from you but I’m really excited to have you here today.    Andrea: Thank you for having me. We have a lot to talk about.    Sundae: I know we do. We have some off-the-record things which we were just talking about the Beastie Boys before and we have some on the record things. So I was listening to your audiobook and I heard that there was like a downloadable PDF thing and because I’m all about growth and development, “I think I’m gonna go for it. I’m going to do the things that she’s saying to do.” And I printed it out and I left it. And it was like two weeks later, I grabbed it from my office table. And I opened it up. I can’t remember what chapter it was and I opened it up and you had like two questions there and I don’t even remember which ones they were. I was so mad at you.    Andrea: Good.   Sundae: How dare you make me ask myself that question? It was what I needed to be asked at the moment. And I’m a junkie for like self-help books, personal development and I don’t know if I ever had that kind of visceral reaction of like, “Go away. Come back. Go away. Come back,” right?    Andrea: Do you remember what it was?    Sundae:  I can’t, I don’t know what it was anymore. But it was, it would probably be way too private to share with thousands of people, you know?   Andrea: That’s true.    Sundae: But it was the thing I needed to go – I wanted to go away from, but you were inviting me to go towards it. So, that is why I wanted you to come on the show because that’s the impact that your work has on people. And so I want to back up, you wrote this book; “How to Stop Feeling Like Shit.” So why did you write it? And I know you have an update coming out soon, what’s with the update?  Andrea: Okay, two-part question. Well, first of all, thank you for that compliment. I mean, it’s the highest honor when a coaching question can evoke that much of an emotional reaction from someone, whether it’s anger resistance, grief, humor, whatever it is.    So, “How to Stop Feeling Like Shit” does have a birth story. I was just living my life as a funky old life coach. And I was certified in Dr. Brené Brown’s work. And I think that her work is global at this point. So, probably a lot of your listeners, know who she is. Her work is largely around shame resilience. And that’s what the methodology was that I was certified in. So there’s one particular module where she talks about the things that we do to try– the behaviors that we do that we try to avoid shame, criticism, judgment, failure, all those yucky things that we don’t like. And she talks about, “Numbing out.” She talks about what she calls, “Foreboding joy.” So that’s like the catastrophizing and rehearsing tragedy that a lot of us do. Perfectionism.   Sundae: I am so good at that.   Andrea: I know, many of us are. It talks about those three behaviors. And she casually mentions in the video module, she says, “There’s a lot of other behaviors that we engage in to try to avoid shame. You can talk about that in your group.” And I was like, “Brené,” I wasn’t on the phone with her,  we’re not that close. *laughter*    I was like, “This is my work.” It’s the people pleasing. It is the isolation instead of reaching for help. It is the overachieving. It’s the control. Its poor boundaries. I had a list of 14 behaviors that I saw my clients do over and over again. And what I like to say about it and the title is coming. I always say those behaviors work for a while. Control and perfectionism helped me graduate from college with honors, right? Numbing out works for a little while. Lord knows many of us numbed out during the pandemic. And even when my dad passed away in 2016, yes, I know all about numbing out. But they get to a point where they don’t work anymore and then that starts to feel like shit.    And we’re like, “Okay, why are my coping mechanisms making me feel this way? Why do I feel like there might be a better way?” And that’s how the title was born. Just quickly the revision, it’s been five years now since that book came out, and you’ve had the Me Too Movement. We have had a lot of civil unrest in the United States. Also, we had the global pandemic and I feel like also the conversation around toxic positivity really started to happen when that book first launched, and I wanted to at least touch on that. So it’s about 10,000 extra words that I wrote. For those of you on video, you can see the cover is going to be yellow. Still same book, but just some additions that I wrote to touch on these very big things that have happened over the last handful of years.   Sundae: Well, I think what you said is so important about how our strategies just stop. And I think for a lot of people whatever we were doing to really try to take care of ourselves, or cope because maybe you had a level of challenge, just stopped working. We just ran out of strategies.    Andrea: And no one teaches us this when we were growing up, right?    Sundae: And then isolation on top of it. So that is so important. And what I love about all of those things that you named, I find it really important for people to have language. Like high-functioning, what was the word from Terry Cole, she talks about being, “High functioning and self-abandonment,” that’s what it is.    Andrea: Oh yeah, yeah.

Advent calendars give you a little treat to tide you over until the big treats. Paper chains let you break off a piece to visualize the shortened length that remains. And who hasn’t counted down the days, crossing them off with anticipation? Especially in the corporate context, when you know you’re leaving for a new job, that final stretch can feel like forever. But what if instead of checking out emotionally and energetically you treated that time as a chance to double down on your efforts to steady the ship for those who’ll remain? Easier said than done, sure. But try to remember what excited you about the role when you were new. Then, invite some of those things back. And, as a bonus, by leaving well, you’ll also actively participate in shaping the narrative of what people from your professional past say about you in the future.    Continuing our Intentional Support Bean Pod, it’s my pleasure to welcome back — for a THIRD time — Naomi Hattaway. A licensed realtor with endless skills and credentials, Naomi’s passion lies in community building, diversity, and accessibility in online and physical spaces. Naomi last joined us for episode 181: Linking Arms. In it, she and I spoke about how to build inclusive global communities that start from our kitchen tables and web out. Today, Naomi returns to help us leave well, both personally and professionally, by showing us how to proactively design our legacy. More importantly, Naomi shares ways we can reduce the trauma on the “Stayers” – AKA the people left behind – and ensure everybody feels seen. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The red thread of your life Sewing your values into your day-to-day actions When it’s unsafe to be transparent about leaving Acknowledging that endings are inevitable “Why do you get to leave?” Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: Are you part of an organization that’s about to make an ambitious shift in 2023? Do you want to establish smoother leadership transitions to shield team members from trauma-filled exits? Let’s chat! Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Naomi Hattaway – LinkedIn Naomi Hattaway – Website  Leaving Well by Jerry Jones Omaha City Counci How much time do you have … #LeavingWell Catch These Podcasts / Articles: Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud EP254: Your Last Gift with Ifeoma Ibekwe EP181: Linking Arms with Naomi Hattaway EP12: Community and Triangles with Naomi Hattaway We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 8:00 am in New York, 3:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 8:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   I’m on such a mission. I barely have my voice today and I’m still showing up to talk to our very special guest today.   I haven’t even had the interview yet and I’ve already had a paradigm shift with our guest today. Now, if you know this podcast, IN TRANSIT or if you were already a listener back, when we were Expat Happy Hour, you do know our special guest Naomi Hattaway. Let me welcome you to IN TRANSIT again for the third time.    Naomi: Thank you. I’m so I did for this conversation. It’s going to be rich.    Sundae: Well, like I said, I already had a paradigm shift I’m going to tell people about it, but let me tell them a little bit more about you before we dive in. Now, this episode has a special focus on leaving well, and specifically leadership transitions. And Naomi is perfect for this based on her personal experience and professional experience. Naomi Hattaway is passionate about community building, diversity, and accessibility in online and physical spaces. She previously served in executive leadership at Habitat for Humanity in Omaha and Front Porch Investments. She also led the COVID-19 eviction prevention and rental assistance program. So you can see the work that she does is deep into the community. And in 2020-2021, the winter plan for non-congregate shelter efforts in Omaha, Nebraska.    She’s a licensed realtor. There’s the connection to living spaces and ran for the Omaha City Council in West Omaha in 2021. She serves on the board of directors for several organizations and consults with organizations on their communication strategies as well as inclusive program design board effectiveness and housing solutions. Recently, she launched #LeavingWell consulting, I’ve even watched her leave well in a recent life transition, a practice for individuals or organizations and board of directors in periods of transition. Which provides protection for organizational assets, purposeful knowledge transfers, and stability for “The Stayers” which is often overlooked and support for those leaving.  So Naomi, thank you for joining us.    Naomi: I’m so excited. It’s always so interesting to listen to your bio being read back because it’s always like, “Oh!” And that’s part of what we’ll probably talk about today is planning ahead for the legacy that you want to leave. And so thanks for having me on.    Sundae: And the thing is, if people haven’t listened to the former podcast with Naomi, you might not know. This is something she doesn’t just teach others about, she’s lived this for her life, right? You might have listened to our episode 181: Linking Arms, where we talk about being in transition together in community. And way back in 2017 we talked about this process of living globally mobile lives, which is inherently connected to leaving well and being a good “Stayer.” So, you have this on so many levels. Just deeply embedded in yourself. I know that.    All right, Naomi. So one of the things I wanted to tell the audience today is I’ve already had a paradigm shift and we haven’t even talked about it. Naomi and I were together speaking just over WhatsApp quickly about this episode and what we could talk about. And Naomi, you talked about this idea of legacy and leadership. And, for me, maybe I’m naive, but I always thought about legacy, like what you leave behind after you serve, and if you’ve done In a good job, you leave a wonderful legacy, right? And what you’re telling me is that a legacy is actually, you have an opportunity to think of it as a path you set forth in advance and with intention. So can you say more about that?   Naomi:  Yeah. And I first need to give some deference and some props to our mutual friend Jerry Jones, who wrote about the concept of leaving well and kind of brought it to the forefront in terms of expat life, in terms of the moving and the leaving well. I had a lovely chat with Jerry and said, “Do you mind if I kind of take that and put it into this leadership space?” So I just wanted to give a shout out to Jerry.   Going to the concept of that legacy my husband and I when we moved to New Delhi, India, he kept saying to me, “It’s like you’re on this 100 year plan.” And I’m like, “What are you talking about?” And he said, “I go,” in his work, “from the airport to work, to the office to home, back to the office, to the airport.” He travels a lot and he said, and that legacy that, what I’m leaving behind is a shorter runway. So he’s in private aviation world, serving things very aviation based, but he said, “My runway is shorter on the legacy that I’m leaving.” He said, “Your work is creating legacy 100 years deep into the future.”    And we’ve been riffing on that a little bit as a family and I’ve been thinking about it in my life, if we flip the switch and toggle forward-thinking instead of only in the back, that lets us lay out this beautiful runway of, “What do you want your legacy to be? How do you want it to align to your values?” And then you can pull in whatever you’re working on. A project. A team you’re working with. Whether it’s an individual journey. Whether it’s even as simple as preparing for your own death, which is something we all have to face. You can then lean into your values and lean into a way that really does create that legacy.    So a lot of times we also think about the red thread of our life and looking back, what are the things that that that stay true as we navigate different things and navigate different projects and experiences. And we always look back and say, “Well, that’s the red thread.” My personal red thread is around housing stability and community. Well, if I instead flip that to the future, how does everything else that I do in my life, how can that contribute to my legacy? And I think it comes back to Sundae, it may feel morbid for people who haven’t thought about it but if we are all going to die one day, what if we instead looked at our remaining time on this earth as intentional and purposeful? So that you could almost, and this is where it sounds a little morbid, if you think about what you want people to say about you at your funeral or at your celebration of life, we can design that today. We could design what people will say about us in our future, today.    And so I think there’s some, there’s some real meaningful opportunities there to have the legacy before. We’re thinking, instead of just the reverse.   Sundae: Well, I think it ties into my idea about how I want to live abroad without regrets. I’m gonna live without regrets and not that we don’t make mistakes and wish we had been more savvy, it doesn’t mean that. It means, how do we live intentionally? And there’s this word, this word legacy, I find, I’ve also heard another context and people feel shy to even think about the word legacy because it’s like legacy is only deserving to the famous, only deserving to the super successful. And when I hear you talk about legacy, I’m actually hearing it in a lens of, let’s just be really intentional about living our values and the impact we want to make.    Naomi: W

Never, and I mean not once since the beginning of time, has a person who’s under duress calmed down as a result of being told to calm down. When someone you care about is exhibiting stress, instructing them to “just relax” is one of the worst things you can do. So, how can you be supportive and help bring them to the other side of the stress episode? As a start, clarify what they’re asking for by reframing what they’re saying or by summarizing their behavior. Then, look into the mirror to do your own work. Are you judgemental about their stress response? Does the physiological state that you carry into the room impact the situation in a positive way or are you throwing gasoline on the fire? This week, for the first part of our Intentional Support Bean Pod, I’m joined by a true blast from the past, Parijat Deshpande. She was my guest back on episode EIGHT, and I’ve since had the pleasure to watch her popularity surge across the internet. (And rightfully so.) Parijat is a trauma-informed health strategist, high-risk pregnancy specialist, somatic trauma professional, speaker, and best-selling author. An advocate for women, Parijat’s book, Pregnancy Brain: A Mind-Body Approach to Stress Management During a High-Risk Pregnancy fearlessly addresses subject matter others dismiss.  Today, Parijat shares a few of her healing techniques as we explore the lesser-known effects of stress and trauma on the body. Parijat also will guide us on what to do and what not to do when taking on a supportive role for others. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The Salutogenic Approach When a high bar is the right bar Remembering how to be a good mammal The ambition to play by your own rules What if it’s not your fault? Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean will soon celebrate its 300th episode. I’m beyond grateful to you, my listeners, for getting me here. So YOU tell me what you want the 300th episode to be about by completing this short questionnaire. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Parijat Deshpande – Website Pregnancy Brain Somatic Trauma Healing Mind-Body Medicine We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 10:00 am in New York, 4:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 9:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   When I think about it, probably the scariest life transition I’ve ever been in, it’s definitely this journey into becoming a mother. The whole pregnancy about; “How is this going to work? Will it work?” The labor itself. And then those first moments when you have that child in your arms has definitely been a process of surrender for me and I had a healthy normal pregnancy.  I can’t imagine what it would be like if you are in a pregnancy that comes after pregnancy loss or you’re in a high-risk pregnancy. That is another level of dealing with surrender and trying to control what you can and let go of what you can’t.    So, to join us today, we have an expert, Parijat Deshpande, who helps support others during their process when they’re with neonatal loss, birth trauma, and more. So first, let me welcome you Parijat back to the podcast.    Parijat: Hi Sundae. I’m so glad to be here.    Sundae: So Parijat was with us way back in episode 8. Please do not go back and listen to episode 8. *laughter*   Parijat: *laughter*   Sundae: Parijat was amazing. I was very much a beginner at podcasting. So let me reintroduce Parijat for those of you who are not familiar with her work. She is a trauma-informed health strategist, high-risk pregnancy specialist, somatic trauma professional, best-selling author, it’s so cool to watch your book just get popular across the internet. Speaker, advocate for women who’ve been through second or third trimester loss, preterm delivery, neonatal loss, birth trauma, and those who are preparing for high-risk pregnancy.    That’s some big stuff, Parijat. You are by people’s sides in times of so much surrender and so much uncertainty, gosh. I mean, I can’t imagine how it feels to do the work that you do.    Parijat: It’s truly as you know, I do this work because of my personal experience of having gone through it and so, to be there for others, in the way that I wished I’d had somebody for me feels like why I’m on this Earth. And so, every single client and family and this new life that they’re fighting to create and bring into this world and then bring home, it just feels like such an honor every single time, every single time.    Sundae: I have so many questions about your own process behind that because I know you’re so impacted as a professional when you do that work. But before we do that, I want to just say a little bit more about what you do. One of the reasons why I want to bring you on is because you specialize in Somatic Trauma Healing, I want you to help us understand what that is in a second. Somatic Trauma Healing Integrative Health, and Mind-Body Medicine. I was super interested because you helped guide women to restore balance and their nervous system, their endocrine system, and their immune system to reduce the risk of pregnancy complications and preterm delivery in the next pregnancy. That’s massive. You do so much.    Sundae: So you use the word “somatic” and not everybody understands what that is. Do you mind just giving a quick sort of definition of what somatic work is?    Parijat: Oh sure. Yeah, somatic work just means body based. So it means body first, thoughts later and what it needs to include in its purest form is, as I mentioned earlier, all parts of the body. So we are doing access to all branches of the nervous system. We are accessing and utilizing our musculature, our faccia, our joints, our ligaments, our tendons, movement, posture, we’re doing all aspects of the body to really get deep down to the cellular level of what it is that our body is telling us. And then what does it need? And then giving us that. So, we can complete that stress physiology cycle that we’ve been stuck in.      Sundae: Can you tell us a little bit more about your approach? I know you say you’re trauma-informed, you’ve got a neurobiological approach to optimizing their health and their care. Can you just share a little bit about what you do and how that is connected to your mission to ending prematurity and improving pregnancy outcomes worldwide?    Parijat: Absolutely. So when we look at the top 10 reasons, top 10 most common reasons for preterm delivery, on that list among smoking and recreational drug use, and various other factors is stress. Now when we hear the word stress, people often balk at that and say, “What? I didn’t cause my preterm delivery!” As somebody who has a micro preemie, I get that, I get that. And also, I think that having been the patient, it really opened my eyes to how much that actually does play a role, not stress, as in what I’m thinking and what I’m doing and how I’m at fault. But stress physiology. What is actually happening in our body when we say the word “stress.” And so it is in that vein that I started diving into this world of neuro-endo immune work and the integrative approach and the neurobiological approach because what I was very interested in is like I said, “What’s happening inside the body?”    When we say the word “stress,” when we say that, somebody is stressed, especially in pregnancy, what does that actually mean, right? Because we’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg, but something’s happening underneath that is impacting health. And we know this outside of pregnancy and I was particularly interested in pregnancy. And so my approach truly is looking at the nervous system and all aspects of the nervous system. So often times when I say the word nervous system, people think we do deep breathing and that’s absolutely not what we do because that’s it’s not a part of the body that we actually need to regulate, it can regulate on its own.    So what we are focused on is the state of the nervous system and the impact that that state has on all other body systems, including the endocrine system, which monitors hormones, as well as the immune system, which plays a significant role in the health of pregnancy. And what research has found is that triad and how the three of them work together and especially how dynamic they need to be in pregnancy because the state that they are in pre-pregnancy and their relationship to each other is different than first trimester, then second trimester, then third trimester. We have to allow for a body to be able to do that dance with those three systems.    So I sometimes use an analogy of a three-legged stool, but it’s actually not that static. We’re really looking at three different elements that actually do this beautiful dance together to support a healthy pregnancy. When we are in a body where the nervous system has identified a threat and shifted the body into a survival state, that dance changes, and that change actually impacts the health of the pregnancy and potentially maternal, as well as fetal outcomes. And so what I typically do is kind of go through – my a client will come to me and say, “But I’ve done everything, I’ve gone to psychotherapy, I’ve been on medications, I have all these people on my team, and it’s still not– something, not quite there yet.” And it’s usually this. And so we go, “Okay, let’s get out of your head and into your body.” And let’s see: What is the story your body is telling us?    And from there, we start piecing the puzzles together to say; What’s missing in the healthcare?  What’s missing in health education?  What’s missing in terms of what your body needs to no longer need to create this

For weeks in 1987, Rick Astley’s song, “Never Gonna Give You Up” topped the charts in 25+ countries. It also won most major awards that year and dominated MTV and radio request lines. It had heavy competition. That same year, we were all doing Kylie Minogue’s “Loco-motion” or cranking up the volume on Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.” And while for Minogue and Houston, these songs were just a taste of many wins, the same could not be said for Mr. Astley. So, what’s the difference between years, even decades of success, versus being a one-hit-wonder? Well, I have some bad news… OK, are you braced and ready? You’ll never crack the code. Sorry. Take it from someone who’s been there before, even when you think you have the winning formula, you cannot go to sleep. As the last few years have demonstrated, everything can change on a dime; a lesson we continue to learn as we head into 2023. There’s no question that our modern society undervalues the mentorship experience. It glorifies DIY tutorials, floods us with “self-made” messaging, demands a smooth trajectory, and rewards the concept that we should (somehow) have all the answers already, or else we’re doing it wrong. And although this “X” factor is often unspoken about in business, mentorship is immeasurably valuable, with a profound ripple effect. So, to close out our business and mentorship pod, it’s only fitting that I reveal the immense impact some of my mentors have made in my life.  What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The three Ps of mentorship Building your “business muscles” How to maximize the mentorship experience Benefit from someone else’s mistakes The Sandy Sparkle Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: The Unspoken Series is blowing my mind with goodness and it’s not too late to catch up on everything you’ve missed. Sign up right here to get all the FREE workshop recordings where global coaches address what goes unsaid about life IN TRANSIT. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Sandra Capra – LinkedIn Susan Hyatt – LinkedIn Dr. Martha Beck Trudi Lebron – LinkedIn The Antiracist Business by Trudi Lebron & Arlan Hamilton Global Coach Coalition Global Coach Coalition – Waiting List Adapt and Succeed Meet the Coalition   We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 03:00 am in New York, 9:00 am in Johannesburg, and 9:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. And I’m actually really IN TRANSIT right now as I sit in a temporary apartment as we just landed in Switzerland. And in addition to being in transition, I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through any life transition.   Before we kick off this episode, I wanted to give a special shout-out to my listeners and recently also my viewers because we have moved the IN TRANSIT podcast also to YouTube so you can view as much as you can listen. And from what I’ve seen, you have loved it because this month we’ve had over 5,000 people listened to the show. So thank you so much for each and every one of you who are new listeners, as well as those who have been longtime listeners. Your engagement means everything to me. So, thank you so much. And if you love this show, but haven’t rated or reviewed it yet, please do because it helps us reach other people and just makes me feel really good.    Alright, so let’s get started. Today’s episode is around business and mentorship. So if you’ve been listening to this Bean Pod, you’ve already had a glimpse of some important mentors in my life and the life of others. That makes me think about this quote, from Warren Buffett. He says, “It’s good to learn from your mistakes, but it’s better to learn from other people’s mistakes.” And I think in my case especially, when it comes around mentorship and coaching, I am the other people because I have made mistakes and I am the first person to share about them so others can learn.    So, the more mistakes I make the better you benefit from because you won’t have to make them like I did. This is the third part of a three-part series on mentorship and I’m really excited to come on the mic and talk with you about it today because I’ve had mentors in my life for decades. And they have truly helped me keep focus, keep the quality of what I do, has kept me in business and truly help me enjoy my experience. So and if you know my work, you know I am all about straight talk. And in my community The Hub, I just talked about The Unspoken, the things that aren’t said that need to be said, that our only thought. And one of the things I want to do is shed light on what’s unspoken in business and that’s also what mentors can help you do. So if you didn’t catch that series inside the IN TRANSIT Hub in my Facebook Community, go ahead and check that out because I gave some straight talk on what’s unspoken. We’ll touch on that a little bit here as well in addition to diving deep into mentorship.    Now, let me start with the unspoken in business. There’s a lot that we don’t talk about that I wish people did more of, and I definitely do share those truths inside, my Global Coach Coalition community, and my program, but one of those is that business- this is going to be really unpopular. Here it comes. Business is hard, right? Everybody out there is promising how it’s so easy and you can make fast money and five figures, 10 figure months, and you know it, overnight. And I just don’t think it works that way. I think if you are creating something of quality with longevity, it takes time. You need to have the right foundations in place. And it cannot be based on a one-hit wonder, but something deep and sustainable.    So, my experience in business is hard. Challenging. But it’s also good. And one of the things that I learned along the way is it’s like that expression, “Small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems.” The same thing goes for business. But what I’ve learned, I thought, when I was working with my mentors, I’d assumed that the more successful they got and the longer that they were in business, the fewer problems they would have. But that isn’t the case, what I did learn and I’ve learned that with my own business is, I’ve already celebrated my ninth year, I’ll be going into my 10th year celebration in June, that the problems get bigger. But you have then developed capacity to navigate them. It’s like you’ve built the muscles to navigate those problems.    So, when I started boxing, a little bit of endurance strengthening that I did, depleted me the next day. Over a year of boxing with my coach, I realized what I was doing then, was now lighter and I was ready to take on harder things. And that’s what I think you should be prepared for with business, that there is an uphill climb, and then does it mean you’re doing it wrong. It means that this is how it works. We go up that incline and we build our muscles, right?    The next thing I think that we don’t talk about enough is that you never crack the code. But what I’ve learned is that like with life, your business is also IN TRANSIT. So even if you have years where things were working, something will happen and it will make you shift just like that.    I had three really successful years in of business, back to back. And then COVID hit. COVID threw everybody for a spin. And while that year was very successful for me, I did feel the impact of following year. And right when I felt like we were gaining normality again, then Russia invaded Ukraine, creating instability globally for those who are looking for products and services like mine.    So even when you have, what you think is a winning formula, you can’t go to sleep. You have to still be paying attention to the market and it doesn’t mean you didn’t do it right. It didn’t mean you didn’t crack the code. It means that there is no code to crack. It is a constant monitoring of your environment and your business and clients’ needs. So if you want to crack the code go ahead and give it a good go but I just don’t think our global economy works like that. I don’t think we work like that. I think it is something that is constantly IN TRANSIT like your life.    The third thing I think that is too often unspoken is that you will make mistakes. You will make mistakes and we often go to mentors so we can avoid mistakes. And my philosophy is go to mentors so you will avoid the easy ones. We need to save our resources and energy for the hard ones. So don’t waste it on the easy ones. And when you work with a mentor, they will be by your side to help you untangle the tough ones.    The other thing that I’ve learned about mistakes, I used to want to avoid them. I don’t know why I felt like I had to avoid them. Maybe that’s the recovering perfectionist in me coming out. But what I’ve realized is that when we take a growth mindset and we say, “Okay, what can I learn from that?” That you’re actually stronger on the other side, right?    So those are some things I think we need to keep in mind and speak more about in business: It’s hard.  You never cracked the code.  You’ll make mistakes.    I don’t think when you scroll on social media that that message comes across. In fact, I think it’s the opposite. And I think they’re selling you things that are not true. It doesn’t mean that you can’t bring in more ease in your business. It doesn’t mean that success can’t happen with lightness. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying, don’t go in thinking that you’re doing it wrong if you feel like you’re going on an upward incline. Don’t feel like you’re doing it wrong if you have set up systems that were working and now no longer working. That’s part of the process. Don’t think that you’re bad at business because you’ve made some mistakes, it means you’re engaged. It means you’re trying new things. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re doin

Luke Skywalker and Yoda. Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan. The Karate Kid and Mr. Miyagi. Whether fictional or factual, every hero’s journey involves a knowledge acquisition phase followed by a distribution phase. It also frequently includes — at least at first — an underestimation by the protagonist about how much the mentor will change the trajectory of their life. In other words, the young “protégé” doesn’t realize who’s in the room with them. So, the mentee overfocuses on the task portion during the knowledge transfer and overlooks the relationship aspect of it. Perhaps missing the most valuable portion of the exchange. It’s my pleasure to welcome Terri Krivosha for the second part of our business and mentorship pod. Terri’s a respected business attorney with a reputation for successfully mediating highly complicated commercial disputes. By her own admission, she loves to untangle tough “business divorces.” Terri joins us to share her story, with a special focus on the critical role that mentors played along her journey. And, as is often the case, this spiritual and professional guidance Terri zestfully reciprocates to others, giving her a perspective through both peepholes. Today, we unpeel mentorship’s many layers, including what to do, what not to do, the gravitas of the exchange, and how to handle it when it hurts. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Nurturing vs. exploiting Being in competition with yourself Democrats & Republicans in kindergarten Intentional + predictable + flexible Realizing your mentor is human Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: Tough question alert! Look at the global mobility mentor you’ve selected. Then ask yourself: “Are they the best person to learn from or is there a wiser choice?” Align yourself with a trusted global coach right here and get the knowledge transfer from someone who’s been there before.  Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project Maslon – Website Terri Krivosha – LinkedIn Summer Institute of Intercultural Communication The Institute of Equity-Centered Coaching Da Da Ding – Nike Song   We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 10:00 pm in New York, 4:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 9:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. And I’m actually really IN TRANSIT right now as I sit in a temporary apartment as we just landed in Switzerland. And in addition to being in transition, I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through any life transition.   Way back when I was getting my honors thesis for my bachelor’s degree, I had the honor, which I didn’t know was an honor at the moment to be mentored by Dr. Karlyn Kohrs Campbell. I was going to talk about how the media criticized women in politics, and that was my idea to talk about the First Ladies, Elizabeth Dole and Hillary Clinton, and how the media criticized them differently. Went into my office with my first draft and she had written notes on it. I looked at my draft, this was the old school days where it was in ink, there was red everywhere. I barely walked into the door, she handed the paper back and she said, “Good for a start, but here’s what we’ll do instead.” She loaded my arms up with books and as I walked out, I realized they were all written by her.    I had been meant hurt by one of the leading thinkers on the media’s critique of women in politics. It was that moment that I realized this is an important woman in my life. This is a mentorship I shouldn’t take for granted. We hadn’t seen each other for months after she had helped me with my paper and I learned that in that time in between, she had experienced loss. It was that moment again where I saw her in a totally new light. One, not just as a successful academic but just a real woman. These are the impacts that mentors have on us. And I was so young and I didn’t realize who was investing in me and just how much I should be appreciating that.    So today’s guest, I think is THAT woman in many other people’s lives. Terri Krivosha is here to share her story, not only of her mentoring but being mentored in her career. From what I’ve heard from Terri, her life would start out at least by my definition as unconventional, and she leveraged her energy and direction to end up having an outstanding professional path. So, thank you Terri for joining us today.   Terri: I’m delighted, thank you Sundae, I’m thrilled to be here.   Sundae: So Terri, I’m going to tell a little bit, to our audience about your background and why you were so kind to agree to accept my invitation, but why I invited you to join today. So Terri and I had a conversation informally and at the end of the conversation, I was struck by just listening to your journey, Terri, how you were sharing about your life, but really what it was was about mentorship and transformations. And let me tell the audience a little bit about Terri’s professional background. Terri is a successful business attorney, and mediator, from what I’ve heard, she’s known for how much she truly enjoys helping her shareholders, her family, business owners, and companies that are either buying or selling businesses or trying to solve some very large problems. She says, “The more complicated the better.”    After years of experience in a wide variety of commercial transactions, and businesses, she’s now focusing her practices on MMA restructuring and shareholder, what are called, “Business Divorces,” and mediation of commercial disputes. So really an impressive career, I’m guessing, just based on what you’ve shared with me already. One that was quite a trendsetter for the time that you started. So, do you mind Terri telling us a little bit about how you got started? Why you got started to do what you do?    Terri: Yes. Yes, Sundae, thank you very much and I have to say that some of what I’m going to say, I really hadn’t put it together until you and I chatted the first time. So I’m very appreciative of the opportunity to kind of reframe and look back at my own past and understand how I got here because I don’t think we all do that very often and sometimes were afraid to. So I was I was pleased that we had that I had that opportunity. I grew up in what I thought was the kind of home that everybody grew up in. I had a very, I guess maybe conventional but unconventional parents. My dad who passed away during the pandemic was a lawyer and also the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court in Nebraska for several years and he was really my first mentor. We had very strong ideas in our family of things that were important to us. I remember that the first word I learned from my mother or father, I think was “Democrat.” So, that was the first. And I even remember when I went to kindergarten the first day, I met a little girl and I came home and I said to my parents, “I met this very nice girl today,” but this is me in kindergarten now, I was four and a half but my mother couldn’t wait to get me out of the house. I said, “But her family is Republican.” “Well,” they said, “How do you know that?” I said, “We had a conversation about it today in kindergarten, and we exchanged this information and am I allowed to be friends with her?”    So the funny part is it turns out her father was my dad’s moot court partner and the two of them had gone to law school together and had decided at the end of their law school days – he claims this is true, I’m not sure if it’s apocryphal or not but – that they both wanted to get into politics. And they thought it didn’t make sense for them to both be on the same side. So he claims they flipped a coin, which I don’t believe, and he decided to be a Democrat and his partner decided to be a Republican. In any event, they explained that I was allowed to be friends with her and that would be fine.    And so when I didn’t realize about my dad is when you grow up you just think that every family is like your family. “No family is any different,” and my dad was really an innovator. We tried everything, right as it can, as it came out. We were early adopters, we had the first push-button phones. We had the first microwave. When my father was on the court, he had this view that the people of Nebraska should be able to learn about what the Nebraska Supreme Court does.    So his idea was we’re gonna go out to all the different little cities, the court, we’re going to go out and have dinner the night before, have a hot dish for everybody to eat, and then the next day we’re going to actually hold a session in their city so they can come and watch it and see what we do. Well, his brethren were having nothing of that.   So, I think the most innovation they made on that was they sat at the law schools and some of those sorts of things, but those were the sorts of things that I just grew up with, he just was a big thinker. I never remember having any sense of I can’t do what I want. There wasn’t any pressure on me to become a lawyer. There was just – learning was very important. Curiosity was very important, and just do what you love. I mean, that’s the part that came through.    Sundae: So Terri, this is what I find interesting because I think you and I might have been given similar messages or at least, as a child, absorbed those messages, similarly, in terms of feeling supported by your parents that you can do anything, but having your parents believe in you. However, I’m from a small Midwestern town. I didn’t have any female role models that I could look to that were doing big things around me that were unconventional, which I think is, I don’t know about you but it sounds like early on when you had that idea, “I could do this,” the spaces that you entered were completely male-dominated.    Terri: Well, they were but now as I’m thinking about this, there was a woman who was the mayor, I grew up in

“Listen. It’s nothing personal. It’s just business.” (Condescending smirk.) So goes the biggest lie ever told; a statement that’s often used as a permission slip to be ruthless.  And almost always uttered by someone who holds power to make a decision that adversely impacts someone who doesn’t have power. If you blend your work with your passion, you know how fortunate you are, and the outcome is very “personal.” Similarly, if you’ve ever worked in a toxic environment you can vouch about how that negativity-filled “business” cloud follows you home. Your joy and energy don’t distinguish between the two. I’ve openly shared how I’ve consistently relied upon the guidance of coaches and mentors throughout my entrepreneurial evolution. I champion trusting those who’ve been there before and not doing it alone, and I’ve followed that advice. It’s also no secret that I’ve spent the past few years (and will continue!) actively implementing antiracist practices throughout my company’s operations. And this week, I’m joined by my coach in equity-centered leadership, Trudi Lebron, to kick off our business and mentorship pod. By the time Trudi was 16, she had two children and had dropped out of high school. With the odds against her, Trudi earned her B.A., then her M.Sc., and went on to build a million-dollar coaching and consulting firm. (Oh, and her Ph.D. is in progress.) Today, Trudi is the CEO of Script Flip, LLC, the creator of The Institute of Equity-Centered Coaching, and the author of The Antiracist Business Book. And it’s my absolute honor to have Trudi share some of her brilliant wisdom for responsible leadership because any alternative will no longer suffice. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The gift of taking the elevator up Managing outcomes instead of people Sharing your weekend plans for intentional downtime How NDAs contribute to a culture of silence & control A lobster appetite on a fish stick budget Listen to the Full Episode: Featured on the Show: How do your organization’s intercultural practices measure up? People will continue to expect more from their leaders and the companies that empower them. I can help you be a pacesetter. Let’s chat already! Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project Trudi Lebron – Website Trudi Lebron – Instagram The Antiracist Business by Trudi Lebron & Arlan Hamilton The Institute of Equity-Centered Coaching Script Flip, LLC Liberatory Leader Mentorship by Trudi Lebron   Catch These Podcasts / Articles: Business Remixed Podcast with Trudi Lebron We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 10:00 pm in New York, 4:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 9:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. And I’m actually really IN TRANSIT right now as I sit in a temporary apartment as we just landed in Switzerland. And in addition to being in transition, I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed through any life transition.   One thing I’ve realized throughout the years is that you never know who will walk into your life and completely change it. I just had this conversation with one of my sons this morning about the importance of relationships and mentorship and what started as a simple informative one and a half hour workshop turned into a year-and-a-half mentorship and it has been transformational for me. And I don’t mean transformational in a sense of you go to bed a caterpillar and you wake up a butterfly. I’m talking about a slow one. One that is cell by cell, one by one, and is still ongoing and so much further to go.    So it is my absolute heartfelt pleasure to have my mentor in Equity-Centered Leadership here today and the author of a recent hit: The Antiracist Business book, Trudi Lebron, welcome to IN TRANSIT today.    Trudi: Thank you so much for having me. I’m so happy to be here.    Sundae: It’s been so incredible to get to know you and to watch your journey and the impact that you’re having in so many people’s lives. I’m just so excited about the work you’re doing because it is literally changing the trajectory in which we do business. And specifically for me, when I watch the coaching industry. So it’s so amazing to watch you walk with integrity, and live everything that you teach.    So before I get into more with you, Trudi, I’m going to say more for our audience, who isn’t as familiar with your work. Trudi LeBron is the CEO of Script Flip, LLC and the creator of The Institute of Equity-Centered Coaching. By the time Trudi was 16, she had two children and had dropped out of high school. As you can, imagine she says, all odds were against her. But that is not the case. Trudi today runs a million-dollar coaching and consulting firm helping entrepreneurs and coaches, build antiracist businesses and become equity-centered coaches, and as well as leaders, through her certification programs, consulting packages and executive coaching.    Trudi holds a BA in Theater, a Master of Science in Psychology, and is currently ABD in a PhD program in Social Psychology. Needless to say Trudi is the real deal.    So Trudi, it’s so wonderful for us to connect. It’s been a few months since we’ve spoken. I have mentioned this to you before, but I want to mention it to the audience as well. It’s kind of a behind-the-scenes thing that happened for me when we started working together and it says something about this idea of transformation. When I started working with you was originally around coaching, right? In terms of how to show up during this crisis. And then I did It’s called AIM, a six-month program, where we dissected Whiteness, we looked at liberatory leadership. We looked at, how to show up more equity-centered in our work, and then you and I end up working one to one.    I don’t know if I shared this with you, but when we were doing AIM, I was in a very old mode of like, show up to class ready to learn. I wanted to study, I wanted to learn the material. It’s like, “We’re not going fast enough. How do you know what can I memorize? Let me get the good grades.” I just noticed that impatience. Not not not strongly but I noticed something quiet inside of me and then that’s something that you did talk about in our work together. And what dropped for me during that first phase was the importance of this work being embodied.    Trudi: Yeah.    Sundae: Right. It’s all in your head. It’s like in your cells. It’s in your heart. It’s in your body. And that was a totally different kind of learning. I think I was finally ready for that, and that is transformed also how I show up for my own clients. Giving myself permission and helping them create space for that more embodied, slower, less cognitive learning. So I just wanted to share that with you. That’s where that transformation began with me, but your work is about transformation. I’m going to read an excerpt from your book. You said, “The solution is that we become antiracist leaders, entrepreneurs, executives, coaches, service providers, workers, and creators. It’s that we see our work as a piece of the puzzle to creating a more equitable world. A world where a person’s life outcomes are no longer statistically predictable by their race and their zip code. It requires a transformation of the way we do business.”    So Trudi, how did you go from your childhood upbringing to being someone transformational in the business space and coaching space?    Trudi: I think, for me, it was being raised in a home where my mom was very justice-oriented and worked in nonprofits, and I was literally raised in nonprofits. I would go to work with my mom. I would take all the summer camp programs and all the after-school programs and literally every program that this agency offered, I kind of was raised through it. And I didn’t know anyone who had had their own business. I only knew people who work in businesses and who were leaders in nonprofit spaces. That and like teachers, were was only people I knew. And so, I grew up thinking that I would probably work in the nonprofit world, and I did for a long time, and I really started to bump up against my dreams, honestly, right? My mom used to pick on me all the time because she would say that I had a lobster appetite and a fish stick budget.    Sundae: *laughter*    Trudi: Because we grew up lower-working-class people. Income unstable at times, you know, all kinds of things. And so – but I wanted a big life. I wanted to travel. I wanted to have nice things. I wanted a dress in like fancy clothes. I just wanted to eat at fancy restaurants. I don’t know where those things came from. Probably just TV, I didn’t know people were doing it. And then the reality of working in nonprofits, working for very little and realizing that I had invested all this time and this education which was the thing that I was betting on was gonna pull me out of poverty. I had these two kids, that was it. If you grew up in the 80s, you were sold the tale that you just graduate from high school, go to college and everything’s going to be okay. And I just was like, “Oh, that’s not true,” it’s not.    And so I had to start to learn to make money on the side to supplement my income. And so when I was in college that looked like being a teaching artist and driving all around the state and teaching theater classes. And then when I was in, working in nonprofits and had accumulated a good degree of experience and education, it was consulting and going into places and training. And I started to realize how much money people were actually making, who were successful in consulting and training. And so I started listening to podcasts and thinking about lifestyle design the mid 2000’s or people are blogging a lot and podcasting is like becoming popular, and being exposed to a whole world of entrepreneurship, of online business, of personal dev

I’m about to say the quiet parts out loud. You probably suspected it, but now, you’ll know for sure, and you might not like what you hear.   What if I told you that exposing your kids to a few specific experiences could… DOUBLE their chances of heart disease or cancer, create a 7X higher likelihood of alcoholism, and increased their risk of attempting suicide by a staggering 1200%?     A long, long time ago, I started this podcast because I wanted somewhere for the globally mobile community to transparently discuss expat life. And that meant shining a light on the hard stuff, including the consequences that come with choosing a life abroad.   Parents have a duty of care. We know this, yet regardless of our GPS coordinates, we worry about screwing up our children. What’s often ignored? Organizations who send families abroad also have a duty of care.    So today, I’m joined by two childhood trauma researchers who’ve studied this exact impact. For the conclusion of our Untold Stories Bean Pod, it’s my honor to welcome Lauren Wells and Tanya Crossman to reveal their results about adverse childhood experiences for globally mobile kids.   Many of us who raise our children abroad do so because we know it enriches their lives. Still, much of what Lauren and Tanya will share may surprise or even concern you. Don’t worry, we got your back. Because they’ll also provide preventative remedies to help us support our children, anywhere and everywhere. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Calming the imagined “what ifs” Understanding secondary trauma The provision of physical & emotional safety Self-deprecating internal message replay An ambition to maintain Listen to the Full Episode Featured on the Show: Not all transitions are created equal. For both parents and kids, the level of support should match the level of challenge. Go from fragility-increasing to resilience-building. Partner with a trusted global coach who gets you right here. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project Misunderstood: The Impact of Growing Up Overseas in the 21st Century by Tanya Crossman54 Lights Podcast Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids, The Grief Tower, and Unstacking Your Grief Tower by Lauren Wells TCK Training   Catch These Podcasts / Articles: Adverse Childhood Experiences – Harvard We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 7:00 am in New York, 1:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 6:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean being recorded live from my childhood womb home in Williston, North Dakota. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition. What if I told you that exposing your kids to a few specific experiences could result in a two times higher likelihood of developing heart disease or cancer, seven times higher likelihood of becoming an alcoholic, and an increased risk of attempted suicide by 1200%? If you were like me, you would run away from these experiences as fast as you could. But the thing is when we are living complex lives, when our lives are IN TRANSIT, some of those things we can control, some of those things are out of our control. These experiences might impact our lives and today. I’ve invited two guests to help us understand what kind of experiences we’re talking about. And how we don’t have to shy away from even hard things because there are things within our power, how we can support ourselves and our kids. So it is my heartfelt joy to welcome Lauren Wells and Tanya Crossman today on IN TRANSIT. Welcome. Lauren: Thank you so much. So good to be here. Sundae: So happy to have you. Thank you. I’ll give a quick introduction. For those of you who don’t know your work, I’ll start with Lauren. Lauren Wells is the founder and CEO of TCK training and author of three books: 1. Raising up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids 2. The Grief Tower 3. Unstacking Your Grief Tower Lauren spearheaded the methodology of Prevented TCK Care that TCK training was founded on. She also uses personal experience as a TCK in her education and childhood development to support TCKs. By the way, for people who don’t know what a TCK is, it’s a third culture kid, someone living outside of their parents’ passport cultures and for those who serve them. She’s worked with over 1,000 parents and TCK caregivers, and has trained staff from over 80 organizations. Lauren grew up in Tanzania, East Africa and now lives in the USA with her husband and two daughters. We’re also joined by Tanya. Tanya Crossman is a director of research and education at TCK Training and the author of Missunderstood: The impact of Growing Up Overseas in the 21st Century. Tanya has 17 years of experience and counting working with international families and has worked with groups from over five continents. Conducting research to learn about the experiences of children growing up globally is part of her work. Tanya grew up in Australia and the US, and has lived in China and Cambodia. As an adult she’s fluent in written and spoken Mandarin and she currently lives with her parents in Australia while waiting for papers to join her husband in the USA. I feel like you’ve been waiting forever, Tanya. Tanya: Yeah, it does feel like forever. Sundae: All right, both of you do know what it means. As you can see, from your bios to live life IN TRANSIT. Both of you have experienced as a child growing up, where your lives were defined by being IN TRANSIT. And now, in your adult life, you are supporting others. Thank you for the work that you have done your contributions in your writing and in your training, you are doing a service to so many families around the world. So I’m just want to say that to start off. Lauren: It is our pleasure. Sundae: So let’s dive in here, I want to talk about what you call Aces or ACEs. These are childhood adverse experiences. And can you help us understand what does that mean? And why is that important for people who are living highly mobile lives? Lauren: Yeah. So ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experience and this is a framework that people have used for years and years. There have been over 80 studies done on ACE scores. So it’s a really well-known framework that’s been used worldwide and it looks at three different categories, abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction. And within these categories, there are specific factors and all totaled up, they equal 10. And so when we About an ACE score, it’s the number of those out of 10 experiences that they’ve had. So for example, sexual abuse or having a parent with a mental illness that’s directly impacting the family. Those sorts of things would be those ACE scores. Sundae: Okay, so when I hear that and I know that those categories are not present in our immediate nuclear family, Why should I still care? Tanya: When we think about those 10 factors, those 10 types of difficult experiences, there’s a few in there that we don’t realize quite common. Two of those experiences were more about the kids perception of their growing up. So we talk about emotional neglect and physical neglect. We’re talking about a child’s perception of safety, physical safety, and emotional safety. So; Did I feel loved, special, important? Did I feel that my family was connected and supportive? Did I feel secure that there would be food on the table? And I would have clean clothes to wear? That someone would be able to take me to the doctor if I needed to go? And so it’s about how secure they felt in that provision of emotional safety and physical safety. So perhaps their parents did love them but if they didn’t feel loved and important, special, that would count as an adverse childhood experience. Sundae: So can I jump in here with a story? And actually, when you said about whether they feel safe, my eyes welled up. I don’t know if you could have seen that on the video, but I’m all emotional about it, I’m throwing pens over here. So what happened when you said that is I was walking down the street. This is really tapping into me as a mother and I can it’s taking me off guard because I didn’t expect this, but I was walking down the street with my son, we had left West Africa. I remember in West Africa for those who followed by journey, we had a wonderful time there. We loved living in Burkina Faso and Ouagadougou, but we had to leave because there was a terrorist attack. This has been after a political uprising and attempted coup d’etat. And then we got to South Africa, we lived in a gated community the safest community in the area, right? Like probably in Southern Africa, it had an amazing reputation for safety. And I was walking down the street with my son and he said, “Mom, I don’t feel safe here.” And I said, “Honey,” he was under 10, I said, “You don’t feel safe here?” I’m like, “Look at this amazing space. We’re totally safe.” He goes, “You want to know why? We don’t have a guard out front.” So he didn’t feel safe in South Africa because it’s a gated community tons of space to run and drive and bikes etc. But in Burkina Faso where he was one when we arrived, we left right before he was four, we lived in a space where there was a guard in our home, right outside of the door, right by the gate. And it wasn’t because it was super dangerous. It’s kind of what you did to be a good patron while you were there and someone to sort of facilitate any traffic in and out the house. And I thought, “My kid doesn’t feel safe because we don’t have a guard out front of our house.” And people who learned that we had a guard in Burkina Faso thought, “Oh my gosh, your kids must feel so unsafe.” So the reason why I bring that up is I think my kids have grown up in a space where we’ve cared for them and lo

Moving to a different country takes guts. Especially when the destination has a difficult reputation. But have you ever noticed how the same geographical regions are adversely targeted by the news? Red meat for their base.   It’s against our natural bend to let our imaginations ruminate on the positive. Before our recent move to Switzerland, people would look at me with trepidation when I told them I lived in South Africa. When in reality, it was a cherished, overwhelmingly positive experience for my whole family.   I’ve also spoken to many expats who’ve moved to complicated countries, and they’ve said, “I’m so glad I went and didn’t let gossip influence my decision.” And sharing these favorable stories goes a long way to counterbalance toxic energy.   It’s my honor to have Kondwani Mwase join us to continue our Untold Stories Bean Pod. Kondwani is an entrepreneur, podcaster, and accomplished marketing professional. No stranger to life IN TRANSIT, Kondwani was born in Ethiopia, resides in Canada, and is a proud citizen of Malawi.    His heartfelt podcast, 54 Lights, showcases the culturally textured Africa that’s often negatively stereotyped and unfairly painted with broad strokes. The number 54 represents the continent’s different countries.     By introducing audiences to fresh perspectives, Kondwani offers an alternative to mainstream depictions of Africa and its people. Today, Kondwani shares what inspired him to bring these lesser-known narratives from dark to light, and his ambition to be a little bolder. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: The great global helium shortage Relief after deciding to do something courageous Vulnerability of dissolving the work/personal barrier Bringing your whole self into everything An identity that’s cobbled together Listen to the Full Episode Featured on the Show: Are you part of an organization whose 2023 goal is to transition from cross-cultural to intercultural? Let’s talk!    Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project 54 Lights Podcast Kondwani Mwase – LinkedIn     We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, it is 12:00 pm in New York, 6:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 11:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean being recorded live from my childhood womb home in Williston, North Dakota. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   The late great Maya Angelou made the following famous, “A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” Today’s guest has created a platform in which we can hear the songs of others from the individuals themselves. It’s an opportunity to hear songs of strength, resilience, and inspiring journeys. So, before we dive into these stories, I’d like to welcome today’s guest Kondwani Mwase, welcome to IN TRANSIT, Kondwani.   Kondwani: Thank you so much for having me, Sundae, it’s a privilege to be here and I’m really excited to be on this platform of yours. And from your childhood home.    Sundae: Yes, I was saying before we went live that I had to hide the creepy monkey and Kermit the Frog and Cabbage Patch dolls so people wouldn’t be distracted from the episode. So for those who are watching the video live. But if this is on the podcast, you’ll have to go to the video and I have a look at the images in the background of my mother in a beauty pageant from like the 50’s or 60’s and our childhood farm from the late 1800s. That’s like a bonus of watching the video version.   So let me tell a little bit more about Kondwani before we dive in. Kondwani is an entrepreneur and accomplished marketing professional with over a decade of experience in the fields of engagement, loyalty, and communications. You can definitely see that in this podcast. He is a true believer in the power of standing in solidarity and is the man behind 54 Lights. This is the show that we will talk about in more detail today.    It is a wonderful podcast, a showcase for African accomplishments and engages in conversations to introduce audiences to other perspectives and sheds light on untold stories. And Kondwani is no stranger to life in transit. He was born in Addis Ababa in Ethiopia, he resides in Toronto, Canada and he is a proud citizen of Malawi.    So Kondwani I am really excited to learn from you today and to share your story and others. But before we start I want to just say to my audience, one of the reasons I wanted Kondwani to be on here is because I just have podcast envy for his voice. So I was like, “Oh, he’s got a great podcast voice!” So it’s great our listeners get to enjoy that today.    Kondwani: I’m not too sure that’s true. But I really appreciate that. Hopefully, it’s the mic. It’s all about the mic.   Sundae: *laughter* So let me tell the audience a little bit about 54 lights. I love the vision, it offers an alternative to mainstream depictions of Africa and its people. It celebrates resilience, strength and extraordinary journeys of the guests. And what I’ve heard and learned from you is that it’s through these untold stories, it is your aim to change the stereotypical narrative that persists from dark to light. So, say more to our audience about the story behind the podcast, and what led you to the project.    Kondwani: Yeah, and thanks for this platform again, Sundae and I think you captured it in that in that intro, is that I’ve always had a bit of a mixed identity, if you will, or cobbled-together identity. Born in Ethiopia as mentioned before, my mom is actually from Zimbabwe and my dad is from Malawi. And even like a lot of Malawians, he was born in Zambia. So, it’s this sort of like hyphenated existence that I have. And I made my home in Canada right now. So there’s no question that I have this Canadian flavor to who I am as a person. I can’t reject that nor do I want to. But what I found, really, really interesting in talking to people throughout my life was people would talk about, “Hey, I’m going to Europe, I’m going to France, I’m going to Germany, I’m going to Paris. I’m going to London,” and they would talk very specifically about places that they were going. And in contrast, in stark contrast, when they said I’m going to Africa, they would literally say, “I’m going to Africa.”    And I just remember for myself, I’m like, Africa it’s the largest continent on Earth, there are so many different countries. There’s so many different peoples there, so many different, and even within those people’s, there’s so much fragmentation there, right? And not in a bad way, but in a beautiful way. And so I just got really enthroned with this idea of telling those stories telling that side of the African experience even though I’m sort of like lumping it all into one, what I’m trying to do is being very specific and intentional about telling each different countries story. And within that I also acknowledge and know that I’m not doing that because I’m just telling one person’s story, but it is really this collection of different stories that come together that I think make a beautiful and relatable narrative for people who are from Africa, but who are also not from Africa. Because there’s just so much richness in just all of those stories.    So that’s why I kind of named it 54 lights because it’s about 54 different countries. So at least 54 different perspectives, but it’s this idea of turning on the lights and illuminating and introducing people to other people from a cultural perspective.    I hope that answers your question.   Sundae: Yeah, I love this idea of turning on the lights. And my background, I have to share again, people get to watch the video version of this. Here’s the coffee cup that I had this morning. It says, “Have no fear the Norwegian is here.” There’s a lot like going on with that. I am originally from North Dakota and there’s the Scandinavian heritage, right? And the identity from Scandinavia, but there’s actually beyond Lefse, Lutefisk and Christmas, there isn’t other like tangible cultural practices, from Norway and people tend to lump things together. And when you don’t have knowledge, it’s dark, like you said, you need to turn the lights on, or you fill it in with the most available piece of information. And I’m kind of being playful here with a coffee cup because you can understand where I was born and raised, there was not a lot to draw from. And in fact, think about what there was to draw from, being born and raised in Williston, North Dakota, myths, stereotypes, exotic films, right?   And what I’m hearing you do is saying, if there is dark of not knowing and you want to turn lights on. Turn on lights with everyday lived experience with real people’s lives, with their successes, right? I think that’s an important one.    Kondwani: Yeah, 100%. And I think that you’ve caught another really important thread that I’m trying to have flow through the podcast, which is this idea of under-told stories. And it’s this idea that on the whole, your perception of a place or a country, or people’s can be painted through a rather generalist brush because of the one person who maybe has made it to fame or of these different peaks if you will. But culture is so rich. It’s so textured, it’s so layered and it’s my commitment to tell as many under-told stories. And I think that’s the – if you will – the tagline of it. Because it’s in those softer, softer stories that are a little bit under the surface where true culture lives and is born and thrives actually. That’s what gives texture to a people, a country, a place. So it’s really, you know, that that’s the important or another important angle that I propose and then that, I hope, flows through my platform. But also through this one, as well.

“Out of the mouths of babes.” A familiar saying that’s used by adults to express surprise when a child articulates something wise and sensible. Kids have a remarkable intuition that sometimes gets dulled as they age by society and grownups who encourage them to push it down.   “Always be nice and polite.” “Don’t say that or talk back.” “Listen to your history teacher/gymnastics coach/Boy Scout leader.” “It’s rude to ask so many questions.”   Yet more and more child experts indicate that difficult topics should never be off-limits. Of course, there’s a need to adjust the delivery to make a subject age-appropriate. Sample questions for a little one could look like asking: “What does this mural mean to you? How does this image make you feel?”   Welcome to our Untold Stories Bean Pod. This week, it’s my pleasure to welcome Dr. Crystal Menzies to discuss how we can use education to foster a greater sense of togetherness. A former teacher in urban schools, Crystal drew on her personal experience, and her Guyanese and African American roots to create EmancipatED.   There, Crystal’s mission is to cultivate communities of radical dreamers, thinkers, and doers through educational resources, collaborative learning experiences, and storytelling.   An enthusiastic historian, Crystal recounts events of free rebel Black communities throughout her work. And today, it’s my honor to have Crystal join us to share a few gripping stories with a side of expert advice on how we can pave a better path forward. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Fictive Kinship Maroon Communities Expanding how you see yourself, your community, your power When children & parents are on an equivalent learning plane Black Liberatory Pedagogy Listen to the Full Episode Featured on the Show: Think you can’t make meaningful connections virtually? Think again. Our FREE online community, the IN TRANSIT Hub, has sparked supportive friendships for over four years and counting. You’ll wish you joined us earlier, so sign up right here! Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project Emancipated – WebsitedIn emancipate_ed – Instagram Dr. Crystal Menzies – LinkedIn     We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, It is 11:00 pm in New York, 5:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 10:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   I’ve been saying this for about a year now, that we need old solutions to new problems. Yes, you heard that right, our existing strategies are not working and we need to do things differently and often times the answer is not in inventing something new but returning to something old, something tested, something that is deeply embedded in cultural wisdom.    And our guest today is doing such innovative work where she takes on a massive topic: How to navigate as liberated beings within oppressive systems. Our guest today is Dr. Crystal Menzies. And she is a former educator in urban schools, who drew on her personal experience, African diaspora and history, and her Guyanese and African-American roots to fund an organization called; emancipatED. Today, she develops research-based educational experiences that center Black communities. I’ve seen her flagship product, it is amazing, and she draws on the stories of Maroon communities. Maybe you’ve never heard of them, Africans who freed themselves from slavery and created hidden societies to offer Black and Brown families a model for how to navigate as liberated beings within oppressive systems.    What I’ve learned about Dr. Menzies is she is an educator and academic at heart but also has a spirit of openness and playfulness. She lives in the Bay Area in California, enjoys reading, Marvel movies, and daydreaming of Black futures. It is my heartfelt pleasure to welcome you to IN TRANSIT Dr. Menzies.   Crystal: Thank you. I’m honored to be here and excited for this conversation.   Sundae: Yeah. Me too. Thank you. So let’s dive right In. You have this background in education, you were doing it for years and urban schools, and I’m guessing that you loved it. But something happened when you decide to make a big move of your own, and your life and your work also went in transit. From what I’ve learned about your background, you branched out and went to find solutions to systemic racism elsewhere. Can you tell us a little bit more about that journey? And what inspired you to make the move?   Crystal: Yeah, so, when I was a teacher, I was what was considered a, “culturally responsive teacher,” but I didn’t know the term. I just knew I cared about my kids, and I had high expectations for them and two things happened.    I remember teaching about enslavement in like the Black stories that we often learn centered in the United States. And one of my students said, “Why do we talk about Black folks all the time?” And this was a Black student and I’m like, “What do you mean?” But after doing some digging, I realized he was tired of hearing about the traumatic narratives. He knew nothing else about Black history. And I realized that’s all I’m teaching them and that’s all they’re getting exposed to outside of here. So I taught a lesson on rebellions of enslaved peoples in the United States and outside of the United States, and my kids loved it.    And I was also observed that day. So I got written up because it was not a high-priority standard, meaning it was unlikely to show up on a standardized test. So I was teaching, one, to illuminate the full stories of Black history but also I noticed my students were carrying the weight of that trauma and I didn’t want that to be what they took away from that experience. So that was one thing.    And then another, I lost one student in particular who like gave me a lot of challenges at the beginning of the year. But by the middle of the first semester, she was like my main go-to in the classroom for getting her peers on track. And she was murdered in a drive-by shooting two weeks after their eighth-grade graduation.    So those two stories, there’s more but like that is what propelled me out of the classroom. Because initially, I thought, “Nobody studying these, larger, systemic factors that impact students lives. I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing,” right?    Sundae: Yeah. Right.    Crystal: And went to a doctoral program. And then through there, I was kind of like a ship without a rudder, like, “Where do I go now?” And not just, where do I go physically but like, “What am I doing?”    Because there has to be another way and it was through those experiences that I’ve always been obsessed with Maroon communities but I kept them separate.    Sundae: Hmm.    Crystal: And it was through kind of my own self-exploration I need something I can grasp, so let me tap back into what has already happened and existed, and that’s what brought me to studying Maroon communities and how they could provide a framework for our liberation.    Sundae: Wow. So for those who are not familiar with Maroon communities, can you give just a brief introduction to who they are?   Crystal: Yes, so Maroon communities, I’m going to use the present tense because some still exist are communities of self-emancipated Africans, so folks who ran away from enslavement and created free hidden societies throughout the Americas. So any place enslavement existed there were Maroon communities often nearby of various sizes. Some still exist today, Jamaica has several, Columbia, Suriname, and they created their own cultures because they were a melting pot of different African societies and cultures, and some folks who had been born in what we consider the America’s today and so they have their own free communities.   Sundae: Fascinating. And so what was it that made you say – I’m curious about the day and I’m expecting it was like an epiphany or something. Where you’re like, “Oh wait a minute. These are these stories. These are those powerful cultural communities that exist. What if we brought that story and those strategies into new contexts.”   Crystal: It was, you know, it was a day, it was always percolating in the back of my mind and I started to seek out knowledge and there’s these frameworks called Black Liberatory Pedagogy, and again being an educator, I love frameworks, and I realized a lot of the ways we talk about, liberation can make it feel unattainable. And I was like, “How can I merge?” Because I did a DEI work in organizations and I focus on practical like pragmatic, “This is what we can actually change today to lead to this bigger thing.” But I was like; How can we do that for these bigger systems and in our day-to-day lives?    And as I was like, researching Black Liberatory Pedagogy like, wait, is there is a way I can merge Maroon communities as a framework and a as a series of active steps with Black Liberatory Pedagogy, and so I created this framework. And this was right. This was a year before everything shut down. So created this framework, shared it with a friend, she was like I love it but nobody knows who Maroon communities are. And I was like, “You’re right,” I’m creating this whole fancy thing and folks don’t even know why?    But then I tabled it for a little bit. I was in a crazy job, then ended up in the hospital and was still kind of that was like sitting off to the side again, felt like rudderless again like, “What, what do I do? Who am I?” And when everything shut down, I moved from Dallas to the Bay Area, I realized a lot of things because I moved closer to family, but the gist is how separated we had been becoming prior to the pandemic.    Sundae: Yes, yes.   Crystal: I used to grow up in a large neighborhood. We’re al

Many cultures revere their elders, with practices designed to demonstrate appreciation for those who are even slightly older. These rituals of respect become paramount to maintaining harmony between the generations. So then why is ageism still the most socially-condoned prejudice? A report from the World Health Organization indicates that one in two people have moderate to high ageist attitudes. How is it that, in a world clawing for progress, we give ageism a pass? For the final part of our very first Bean Pod, it’s my pleasure to welcome Natasha Ginnivan to disrupt our attitude towards aging. A blog writer at Mobilising Wisdom, Natasha reinvented herself midlife, obtaining her Ph.D. to embark on a passion-filled career as a researcher of psychology and aging.   Natasha’s intergenerational work focuses on how we can transform our life experiences, both good and bad, into sharable lessons. Today, Natasha dissects study-based advice that’s shown to increase our lifespan. She also provides creative ways we can realize our full potential as we age. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Sex & aging A simple secret to living seven years longer Invisible hand guiding you along your aging journey Awareness of how aging is framed all around you Collectivist cultures & elder abuse Listen to the Full Episode Featured on the Show: Get ready, because here comes ANOTHER BIG TRANSFORMATION! As usual, those in our free, online community — the IN TRANSIT Hub — will be first to know. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Join us today! Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project Mobilising Wisdom Natasha Ginnivan – LinkedIn Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Ashton Applewhite Face: One Square Foot of Skin by Justine Bateman     Catch These Podcasts / Articles: World Health Organization: Ageism is a global challenge: UN The Media Portrayal of Older People, The Good, The Bad and The Absent   We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, It is 2:00 am in New York, 8:00 am in Johannesburg, and 1:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   What if I told you I have something that can help you live seven years longer. The best part is it’s free. According to the research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Becca R. Levy, PhD of Yale University and her colleagues found that adults who developed positive attitudes about aging, lived more than seven years longer than peers who had negative attitudes. My question is; Why are we not talking about this more? We’re talking about vitamins, we’re talking about exercise regime, but just our attitude about aging can impact the longevity of our life. And that is why I’m so excited to have Natasha Ginnivan here. She is a researcher of psychology and aging, a blog writer at Mobilising Wisdom. And thanks for her bicultural and third culture kid (TCK) upbringing, she’s interested in cultural attitudes to aging, exploring age stereotypes and self perceptions of aging. Natasha, welcome to IN TRANSIT today.    Natasha: Thank you. Sundae, it’s is great to be here.    Sundae: I’m going to say a little bit more about your background so people have some details about you. Your work is centered around the ways that we can disrupt age stereotypes through intergenerational learning, and that’s something that I love, what you are doing is an absolute passion of mine as well, through mutual mentoring, reframing, aging and wisdom sharing. She’s an advocate for the importance of inner work and self-reflection, and is interested in how we can take our life experiences, both good and bad and transform these into lessons worth sharing. These include activities of self-inquiry, mindfulness and meditation, art exploration and creative ways to realize our full potential as we age.    So for people who know my work, they can completely understand why I’m excited to have you here today.    So, you certainly mean business when it comes to understanding our attitudes to aging and how it impacts our lives. I am so curious, how did you even come into this area of study?    Natasha: Yes. So interestingly, I went through transition in my 30s and felt like I needed something a little more. I used to be a designer in fashion and product development in my 20s. After I have my first child, I was interested in researching psychology. I’d always been quite interested in that field and I returned to studies at the University of New South Wales and took up psychology and my very first project was on implicit attitudes to aging. And we looked at the implicit association test as a class and we all sort of took it as an experiment and then we observed the score together as a class, and recognized that we all tend to have these implicit biases around aging.    And I was curious to know whether a cultural background had a difference, and I come from two different cultures, my dad’s Australia, my mum grew up in the Philippines. So I have a sort of Eurasian heritage and on my mother’s side of the family, it’s very kind of intergenerational. And so I went home and I took the implicit association test separately, and observe my own individual score and I recognize that it’s sort of deviated from the main and I didn’t seem to have as strong a preference for younger as the group class the group sort of average score. So that immediately I became fascinated with why culturally we do as collectively have a preference for young, and we tend to because of that, diminish ourselves as we age. And older people and “old” is something that’s not really considered attractive in Western culture, and I think things might be shifting little bit here and there, but overall, we still have some quite pervasively kind of attitudes, I think.   Sundae: I find this so fascinating. So you’ve mentioned, Western culture and maybe you can’t do this without over generalizing. But I’m curious what you know about how do cultural attitudes to aging differ. Because when I as an interculturalist, when I think about let’s say a preference for hierarchy, we have cultures that give power to hierarchy and others that focus on equality. So age is also on the hierarchy and I noticed living in West Africa that you show respect to your elders and it is it’s very much high on the hierarchy. So I’m curious, I have so many dirty intercultural questions right now at the intersection between aging attitudes and hierarchy orientation, and all of that. But just generally, what can you say about what you’ve noticed about cultural differences to aging?    Natasha: So, the focus of my main research that I undertook in postgraduate studies later when I did my PhD and I really explored predominantly Anglo but from the Australian perspective attitudes to aging. And then went over to the Philippines and did some field work there in collaboration with the University of Philippines. And I also did focus groups with younger and older people in both those cultures. And what I found was that younger people in the Philippines, from the moment they sort of can speak they’re given terms to preface that before they speak about the either cousin or brother or anyone who’s older not just sort of aunties, our uncles but even older brothers and sisters who are older. Just to keep in mind that that they’re a bit older than you and that there is this sort of like respect kind of thing.    It’s not really just about sort of thinking old people are better per se. It’s more about just a bit of reverence and reciprocity and all this sort of thing that is very important in these more collectivist sort of cultures. And a lot people will say, “Oh well, we should really strive for equality,” which is true. That’s an important aspect of any culture in any, particular, Western culture. And I think that’s sort of elder respect isn’t really about not being equal, it’s just something about group harmony is so important in those really highly intergenerational cultures that I think that by having this sort of elder respect just keeps things very harmonious and that’s what’s paramount for those intergenerational ways of living. But I think the byproduct of that is perhaps you then just tend to be a bit more mindful of how you regard older people and particularly, the very older types of people and I feel like that’s perhaps something that’s informed my attitudes to aging and my interest in aging.   Sundae: But it feels like a reversal of a youth-obsessed culture, let’s say in the United States where there is disrespect for people who are older, they are infantilized etc, etc. So it I’m wondering and this is all. So I’m curious about the cross-cultural research if people are treated better in those collectivistic cultures because I know elder abuse is a problem. It’s also a problem as well in Australia, right? So do you see patterns in attitudes to aging and how people are treated?    Natasha: Yes. I have to say that, unfortunately, ageism and things like elder abuse can occur in collectivist cultures and it’s known from a recent report from the World Health Organization that one in two people have moderate to high ageist attitudes. However, I think that when you have cultures where individuals are sort of raised to be mindful of keeping group harmony with this idea that they probably should show some respect to their elders. I think that informs your thinking as you go up that not only is that a great thing to keep group harmony within the family structures but it’s also for your own sort of psyche around aging and your own future self, you’ll feel better. Because we know from the research that Professor Becca Levy, and

We’re slowly recovering from the damaging loneliness felt globally throughout the pandemic. Think about it. Typically, we have two main places where we interact with others: work and home. Of course, many people live alone, work remotely, or do both. That’s why there’s a growing need to combat isolation by participating in a safe, consistent “third” space. Even better if it’s intergenerationally woven, like a community center, faith-based congregation, local coffee shop, or even a virtual clubhouse like our IN TRANSIT Hub. BIG NEWS! In case you missed previous announcements, podcasts will now *also* be available on VIDEO! So you can listen, read, or watch the episodes right here. Additionally, they’ll be released through a new Bean Pod format; three threaded episodes, followed by an introspective break week. Welcome to the second part of our Bean Pod featuring professionals disrupting norms. I’m honored to have Rabbi Hayim Herring join us to discuss how intergenerational communities enhance our societies and improve our quality of life.  An expert intergenerational bridge-builder, Rabbi Herring holds a Ph.D., is an author several times over, and is the C.E.O. of HayimHerring.com. His work prepares today’s leaders for tomorrow’s organizations. Today, Rabbi Herring will share his life-prolonging wisdom, and advice on fostering a stronger community in our highly polarized times. He’ll also discuss his next project which centers on combating social isolation and connecting generations in the digital age.   What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Renaissance instead of retirement The footlong submarine generation Mindfully shaping a more vibrant reality Waiting to be invited to take on a role Developing a posture of curiosity Listen to the Full Episode Featured on the Show: Do you want to transform your organization from multigenerational to intergenerational? We can help! Get in touch right here and let’s chat. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project Connecting Generations: Bridging the Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial Divide (Rowman and Littlefield 2019) The sandwich generation HayimHerring.com Hayim Herring – LinkedIn     We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, It is 10:00 pm in New York, 4:00 pm in Johannesburg, and 9:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   If I’m being honest, loneliness, social isolation, and polarization are three of the most painful things I’ve experienced. And who hasn’t experienced some or all of that since 2020? Questions I have are: How do we cope? What can we do to reduce the sting of these experiences or even prevent them? And I think the answer is much more simple than you’d expect, and it’s connected to intergenerational relationships.    Our special guest today Rabbi Hayim Herring offers answers in his book Connecting Generations. Rabbi Hayim Herring, thank you for being here on IN TRANSIT.    Hayim: Thank you. Good morning.    Sundae: So I want to share more about the book but first, let me acknowledge your own place of being in transit right now. You have so kindly agreed to be together today even though you’re recovering from surgery. So I thank you for your impromptu ability to find a space in your home where you can be comfortable in this process. So thank you for your flexibility today.   Hayim: Well, thank you for allowing me to be a guest, first of all, and to be a guest from my bedroom, which has become my study, my dining room because the surgery wasn’t planned before our home remodel was, but I have a sense of humor. There’s some irony in this, I guess, and maybe a metaphor. I feel like the remodeling of my home to adapt to COVID, is sending me a message about the interior remodeling that I have to do. So apologies for the background but hey, that’s life today and we just have to learn to not just to accept it but to embrace it.   Sundae: Absolutely. And for those of you who are also watching the video version of this, you can see my mother from the 60s in the background and some beauty pageant option. So, we are both in transit in some way. So, thank you for being here.    I want to share a little bit about your book for those who have not yet read Connecting Generations, it’s actually how I came across your work. Connecting Generations, identifies and analyzes these phenomena I was talking about before; Loneliness, social isolation, and polarization. You probably wouldn’t expect that when you pick up a book called Connecting Generations, but it offers so much more than analysis of what’s happening. Like a precursor to what we need to look out for. It also supports us in becoming more empathetic for ourselves and others. And offers direction on how we can shape more mindfully a vibrant reality, as you say in the book for ourselves from our immediate communities, and for society at large. So, what you’re doing is big.    I’m gonna give the listeners also, a little background on who you are and what you bring to this conversation. Rabbi Hayim Herring is Ph.D. and CEO of HayimHerring.com and coaches nonprofit leaders in entrepreneurship, anticipatory leadership, and intergenerational relationships. His mission is preparing today’s leaders for tomorrow’s organizations. Wow, that’s what we need right now since everything is shifting. He’s also served as a congressional Rabbi for Beth El Synagogue in Minneapolis, Minnesota, is an assistant director of the Minneapolis Jewish Federation, and is the founding director of STAR (Synagogues: Transformation and Renewal).   There’s many more things in addition to scholarly work, popular articles, but what I’m most excited about as well, is your forthcoming work, Calling Generation to Generation in Digital Age. So, how did you get here, Hayim? Tell us a little bit more about what led you to this point where you’re talking about intergenerational relationships, isolation, connection and all of it.   Hayim: As a very young Rabbi starting out in a congregation in 1985 in Minneapolis, after being in school, for many, many years. No one had ever prepared me for the fact that in the morning, I might be working with preschool children, in the afternoon I might be working with retired people, men, women, maybe in a book club. Afternoon teaching high school kids, and in the evening out again at a meeting typically with leaders. I learned quickly that one-size-fits-all and how to approach people was a recipe for failure. And I found a book, I think it was one of the first on generations, called, Generations at Work. Turns out that it was written by someone in Minneapolis who passed away at a young age. And I feel like I’m spiraling back now and have time now to devote to a topic that’s really been dear to my heart. And that’s why one can never predict how an interest that starts off early will blossom later.    Sundae: Absolutely, that’s beautiful. So you and I were speaking before about how we’re facing all of these challenges due to COVID, due to history, context, identity, all of these things that are happening, not just in the US where you’re located, but globally. Can you say a little bit more about why? What we were saying that intergenerational relationships are what I believe a old solution for new problems? Can you say more about what you’ve noticed about the benefits of being in community across generations?   Hayim: Sure. I have generally agreed that we have an old solution to a new problem but I think we also have to adapt that old solution. And what I mean is, before people talked about the sandwich generation, I think it was a sociologist by the name of Dorothy Miller who coined that term back in 1981, early 80s. Back then the sandwich generation and I check this out, I think an average slice of sandwich bread is something like 4 to 6 inches square, right? The sandwich metaphor is there’s a slice on top, a slice on the bottom, something in the middle. The person in the middle was typically a woman who was raising children, taking care of elderly parents or in-laws, trying to maintain a job. So you had the caretaking the children in the bottom and the caretaking of the elders on the top.    Today I think depending on where you live, it’s more like a hoagie or submarine generation. And it’s a foot long and we have not six but seven generations now. So it can’t really be a sandwich. And the other thing that’s different is that it used to be that only one generation typically felt certain pressures, might be retirement, might be health. But now everybody is vulnerable. It might be the Boomer parent who’s out of work or the Gen-Xer who is being challenged by a Millennial and may lose a job right now. Or the economy, the way it is. And maybe it’s a younger person who is actually enjoying work. So we’re all – that’s why we need each other. Right? I mean, we all have to think about not to continue the food metaphor but being Jewish food is a big part of community. It’s like we have to feed each other.    There’s a wonderful story about the difference between Heaven and Hell. In Hell, everyone is sitting in front of a sumptuous banquet but their elbows are locked. In Heaven, it’s the same thing. But the difference is that people feed each other across the table.   And that’s what I think is so wonderful when you make those connections. It’s good for the soul, it’s good for wisdom, it’s good for life. I mean, literally, it’s life-prolonging. We become excited by learning new things, by meeting new people, and America I believe is the most age-segregated society in the Western World. So we’ve got a problem.    Sundae: It’s awful. Yeah and combine that with the level

Studies show that ageism isn’t just socially, psychologically, and economically damaging, but it can also be harmful to your health. First proposed by Dr. Becca Levy, Stereotype Embodiment Theory hypothesizes that feeling “old” correlates with the toxic narratives we’re force-fed by society. Meaning, those aches and pains, slower gait, energy dips, and belief that your mind isn’t “as sharp as it used to be,” can stem not from fact, but from a self-fulfilling prophecy. We begin to mirror how we’re told we “should” feel at that age, even if it’s fabricated for division and profit.    Welcome to our very first Bean Pod. It’ll serve as the new formula going forward where I’ll group and release three threaded episodes in a row. Even cozier than before, you can now also watch the interviews on video. Then, I’ll follow each Bean Pod with a week for rest, reflection, and open discussion inside the IN TRANSIT Hub. Our first Bean Pod will feature three inspiring professionals disrupting norms and sharing facts that may not only extend your life but also deeply enhance its quality.  And this week, it’s my honor to have activist and author Ashton Applewhite join us to discuss ageism. Many thought leaders have labeled Ashton’s book, This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, a “must-read.” As an internationally recognized expert on ageism, Ashton’s work has been featured in TED Talks, at the United Nations, and in publications including Harper’s, the Guardian, and the New York Times. Today, Ashton shares macro and micro ways that we can recognize, confront, and dismantle ageism. (Spoiler Alert: NO, it’s not something that impacts just women and older people.) She also provides the nutritive narratives that should replace ageism. What You’ll Learn in this Episode: Ageism as a shared transition Gaining awareness of daily microaggressions The only two unavoidable negative aspects of aging Why age is seldom the reason people get along The U-Curve of Happiness Listen to the Full Episode Featured on the Show: This is the delicious stuff we talk about inside the Wisdom Fusion Project. Have you grabbed your FREE guide to experience the journey for yourself? Get decades of intergenerational wisdom at your fingertips right now. Sundae’s Website Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC Sundae Bean – YouTube Wisdom Fusion Project This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism Old School Anti-Ageism Clearinghouse Yo, Is This Ageist? Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long and Well You Live by Becca Levy TED Talk: Let’s end ageism This Chair Rocks – Instagram This Chair Rocks – Twitter This Chair Rocks – YouTube     Catch These Podcasts / Articles: We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle. Pro-Aging: Why the Best is Yet to Come with Ashton Applewhite.   We’re delighted to be in the Top 5 of the global Best 30 Expat Podcasts! Subscribe: iTunes | Android Full Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Hello, It is 1:30 pm in New York, 7:30 pm in Johannesburg, and 12:30 am in Bangkok. Welcome to IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean. I am an intercultural strategist, transformation facilitator, and solution-oriented coach, and I am on a mission to help you adapt & succeed through ANY life transition.   If you know my work you know that I say that our lives are always in transit and in so many ways but there is one way that we all have in common and that is aging. And this week’s guest said so perfectly, “We are aging from the moment we are born. It’s not something annoying that elders do.” So this is from Ashton Applewhite and she is our guest today on IN TRANSIT. Welcome, Ashton.    Ashton: My pleasure Sundae, thanks for having me.    Sundae: So I’ll say a little bit more about those who are unfamiliar with Ashton’s work. Ashton Applewhite is the author of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism and she is the co-founder of Old School Anti-Ageism Clearinghouse. She’s an internationally recognized expert on ageism, she speaks widely at venues, that have included TED Talks, the United Nations and she’s also appeared on We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle. She has written for Harper’s, the Guardian, the New York Times, and more, and is the voice of Yo, Is This Ageist? Ashton, needless to say, is a leading spokesperson for the emerging movement to raise awareness of ageism and to dismantle it.   So Ashton, I think it’s obvious from our quick pre-chat that I’ve been really looking forward to learning from you and hearing your perspectives today.    But I want to make a little confession when we start, I have this thing, when I would listen to your work about ageism, and the ways in which it limits us, I keep thinking about a wedding dance, where I am 86 and like, Salt-N-Pepa come on, like something from the 90s, right? And my spirit will want to get out there and pull out, you know the Roger Rabbit or all the 90s moves. But I am afraid that I am going to be this person who says, “No,” because of fear that people will think I’m out of my mind or that I’m crazy or they’ll think it’s cute or make fun of me. And I realized this, that that’s because I’m afraid of ageism. So–    Ashton: It’s because you live in an ageist society, these are fears we all have.  I will say in the context of dancing, I happen to not be a good dancer, but too love it. And if you are having fun to the music, the people see that and I think they will respond to it, especially at a wedding. But the fears that you talked about are very real and very universally shared. And there should be absolutely no shame. What you’ve done is the most important task already, which is twofold to look at your own attitudes and think about how you feel about age and aging because we have to do that interior work, as I’m sure you know, before we can take any kind of change out into the world.   But once we do that looking in ourselves immediately, we start to see it in the culture around us. It’s liberating. You understand that this is because of ageism, not because you are a bad dancer or a bad person or your friends are all jerks, right? These are enormous social and economic forces, sadly, that want us to be divided and afraid and out of sight for a bunch of reasons that differ, for each of us. Primarily because fear is commodified. It divides us and persuades us to buy things we don’t need. And I know behaviors that are not good for us. But I will say, for adults, there is no such thing as “age appropriate,” and I hope you play plenty of Salt-N-Pepa at that party.    Sundae: It’s like, “don’t spoil my joy.” The last thing you want to do, if I’m able to move, I don’t want my joy to be spoiled. So this is so big.   Ashton: You are joyful, people will see that. And they’re always going to be a few people, you know, snickering. But maybe they’re not the majority. Most people won’t care. And some people I mean I think about this because I do go to clubs where my partner and I are the oldest people by far and I hate being conspicuous because of my age, but it’s too fun not to stay home. And I know that for the few people who were going, “What are those old people doing there?” I know there are many more people going, “Hey, look at those older people. Maybe I can do that when I’m their age.” And most people just don’t care, right?    Sundae: That’s true.   Ashton: But it does take courage. I want to acknowledge that too.   Sundae: Yes, absolutely and bucking convention. So this is just a playful way to start talking about it but this is actually really serious.  You talk about how ageism casts a shadow over our entire lives. Can you say more about the scope of that?    Ashton: Sure, yeah, I have fresh fodder in that. I got a text this morning from, let’s see, she’s my partner’s ex-wife’s daughter. But we have a family Zoom, which has been one of the bonuses of the pandemic. One of the few. And she’s a terrific, very serious kid. She wants to be an educator. She’s a High School Junior. And she said, “Is what I experience, which is people telling me I’m cute or that I’m too young to know about a thing or being genuinely condescending and dismissive when I am talking about something that I know about, is that ageism?” And my answer is, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” it is. Ageism is any judgment on the basis of age. Anytime we make an assessment of what we think someone is capable of because of how old we think they are. Sometimes it’s called reverse ageism when it’s directed against young people, but it’s just ageism. We don’t need that extra label.  And that is why it casts a shadow across our entire lives. Although we live in a youth-obsessed culture in the west we are youth is commodified. So I will say that older people bear the brunt of it.    Sundae: Yep. Absolutely. And that was one of the findings. I should briefly about my Wisdom Fusion Project, one of the findings that I discovered was how we do think wisdom is held by the eldest among us. And you have said in another one of your podcasts that you’ve made a lot of old people that haven’t learned anything.    Ashton: I mean, a stereotype could be benevolent and still be a stereotype.    Sundae: Yep. Absolutely.    Ashton: It’s lumps people together in a group and I think that we definitely acquire experience with age. And if we learn from that experience as most of us do, it can turn into wisdom. I think if we could agree on what wisdom looks like and you drew a Venn diagram of all the people who are wise, there would be more older people in it than younger people because we’ve had, you’ve got more experiences under our belt. But to say that all older people are wise is no better than saying all older people are incompetent or more conservative because it’s a generalization, it’s a stereotype. Especially in view of the fact that the longer we live, the more different from one another we become. You’re nerdy so, I’ll put it the nerdy way. The defining characteristic of old age is heterogeneity.