The Estranged Heart

In this powerful episode, of The Estranged Heart podcast, marking the 10-year anniversary of her own estrangement, Kreed explores why parents' feelings deserve care, but cannot be resolved by rewriting their adult children as villains. Drawing from her unique perspective as both a former estranged parent and adult child who achieved reconciliation, she examines the protective function of villain narratives and their ultimate cost.The Hidden Function of Villain StoriesVillain narratives aren't born from cruelty—they're born from overwhelm, pain, and protectionThe True Cost of Moral CertaintyVillain stories may soothe the nervous system temporarily, but they freeze movement and make real repair nearly impossibleWhat Estrangement Really ExposesParents were told (implicitly or explicitly) that if they loved, sacrificed, and provided enough, their child would stayThe Casualties of CertaintyGrief never completes its cycle because it requires contact with loss, not moral victoryShame goes underground and hardens into defensiveness"What feeling am I protecting by needing my child to be the villain?" This isn't an interrogation—it's an invitation. You don't have to answer today.What Your Feelings Deserve:Your grief deserves careYour anger deserves spaceYour shame deserves tendernessYour heartbreak deserves witnessesWhat They Cannot Do:Your child cannot be the container for those feelingsNeither can a story that requires erasing their inner life to soothe your own painKreed's Personal Testimony"I firmly believe that if I had stayed in that frame of mind [of villainizing my daughters], we would not be reconciled today. And we have been reconciled eight and nine years this year."Resources & SupportThe Heart Collective Membership CommunityTwice-monthly live support groups for estranged and reconciled momsCommunity support and resourcesFacebook Support Group (facilitated by Kreed) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupOne-on-One ServicesPrivate coachingConsultingMediation servicesConnect with Kreed:Website: theestrangedheart.comEmail: hello@theestrangedheart.comSupport the work: Buy Me a Coffee (donation platform)Disclaimer: Kreed Revere is not a licensed therapist. Nothing in this podcast should be considered or taken as therapy. If you need therapeutic support, please seek out a therapist near you.

In this inaugural episode of Heart Scriptures, Kreed offers profound compassion for those navigating the collapse of certainty - exploring the grief that emerges when the structures that once provided safety, meaning, and belonging begin to constrict rather than shelter us. This episode offers sacred permission to grieve the collapse of certainty without pathologizing the process. It reminds us that we are not behind, not broken - we are simply standing at a threshold where what once held can no longer do so. The invitation is to rest in the not-knowing, to honor what mattered enough to wound us, and to resist the urgency to replace old certainties with new ones before we're ready.Take AwaysCertainty as Shelter - The way certainty organized the world and clarified belongingThe Quiet Failure of Certainty - When what steadied the nervous system begins to constrict itThe Grief of Letting Go - Discovering obedience doesn't always equal goodnessThe In-Between - Feeling unmoored in the space between certaintiesShame in the Threshold - Shame for doubting what once felt sacredThe Cost of Defending Certainty - The weight of unspoken truthwww.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estranged Heart, Kreed explores the profound impact of curiosity in relationships, particularly in the context of estrangement and reconciliation. She emphasizes that curiosity is not merely a communication skill but a fundamental respect for another's experience. Through personal anecdotes, she illustrates how the absence of curiosity can lead to feelings of erasure and dismissal, ultimately affecting relational dynamics. Kreed advocates for a shift towards curiosity as a means of granting dignity and fostering deeper connections.Takeaways- The absence of curiosity can lead to feelings of erasure.- Self-protection often prioritizes coherence over connection.- Curiosity requires emotional slack and openness.- Curiosity is not just a skill; it's a willingness to be changed.- Curiosity fosters dignity in real-time interactions.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of the Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed discusses the damaging myth that adult children expect perfection from their parents. She emphasizes that what they truly seek is behavioral change and accountability. The conversation explores the emotional complexities surrounding estrangement, the importance of repair in relationships, and how discomfort is often misinterpreted as abuse. Kreed invites parents to reflect on their own fears and the need for self-awareness in order to foster healthier connections with their adult children.TAKE AWAYSThe belief that children expect perfection is structurally false.Behavioral change is what adult children are truly asking for.Estrangement often results from patterns of emotional injury, not single conflicts.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estrange Heart Podcast, Kreed discusses the often misunderstood concept of 'owning your shit.' She emphasizes that this is not merely a moral virtue but rather a matter of emotional and relational capacity. Kreed explores the dynamics of accountability, identity threat, and shame, particularly in parent-child relationships. She highlights the importance of understanding one's capacity to engage in accountability and the potential harm of pushing for apologies without readiness. The conversation also delves into the significance of setting boundaries with compassion and the true essence of ownership in healing relationships.TakeawaysOwning your shit is about capacity, not morality.Identity threat can lead to existential crises for parents.Shame activation can shut down communication and reflection.Pushing for accountability without capacity can cause more harm.Maturity in relationships means understanding one's limits.The goal is to avoid adding harm in the name of truth.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed  explores the dual forces of conflict and love within estranged parent-adult child relationships. Speaking from the perspectives of both conflict and love, Kreed emphasizes the importance of acknowledging conflict without trying to fix it, and the necessity of allowing love to coexist with it. The conversation encourages listeners to embrace their feelings and experiences without the pressure of resolution, highlighting the complexity of relationships and the journey of personal growth.TakeawaysConflict is often ignored to maintain a facade of stability..Love can exist alongside conflict without needing resolution.Both conflict and love serve important roles in relationships.Personal growth involves accepting complexity and uncertainty.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Conflict and Love06:00 Understanding Conflict11:52 Embracing Love in Conflict15:09 Solstice Blessing and Closing Thoughtswww.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed) https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed discusses the importance of mediation in family dynamics, particularly for estranged parents and adult children. She emphasizes the need for emotional regulation, accountability, and the willingness to engage in the mediation process to foster healing and connection. Through various insights and professional experiences, Kreed highlights how mediation can serve as a powerful tool for interrupting negative patterns and facilitating meaningful conversations.Takeaways- Mediation is powerful for interrupting old family patterns.- Support is essential in emotionally charged conversations.Ruptures in relationships are normal and can be repaired.- Mediation teaches families how to communicate and repair.- Mediation is not a magic fix yet is a structured approach to healing.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed delves into the complexities of estrangement between parents and adult children, exploring the emotional and psychological impacts on both parties. It highlights how past traumas can influence current perceptions and reactions, particularly in the context of communication and responses from adult children. The discussion emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics to foster healing and better relationships.TakeawaysEstrangement feels high-stakes due to past trauma.Current interactions are often colored by previous experiences.Estrangement can create a cycle of anxiety and fear.Recognizing these patterns can aid in rebuilding relationships.Healing requires awareness of emotional triggers.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed explores the emotional turmoil faced by parents dealing with estrangement, particularly during family gatherings like Thanksgiving. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and embracing one's feelings rather than pretending everything is fine. Kreed provides insights into coping strategies and the journey towards finding joy amidst grief.TakeawaysAcknowledging feelings is crucial for emotional health.Pretending everything is okay can be harmful.Finding joy is possible even in grief.Self-compassion is key in difficult moments.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estranged Heart Podcast, Kreed explores the concept of coded family communication, where socially acceptable phrases mask deeper emotional discomfort. He discusses how this coded language can lead to emotional gatekeeping, impacting relationships and emotional expression. The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing and decoding these phrases to foster emotional honesty and connection within families, particularly regarding the misunderstood role of anger.TakeawaysCoded language masks emotional discomfort and avoidance.Emotions like anger, grief, and fear are often labeled as unacceptable.Coded phrases are inherited and perpetuated through generations.Emotional gatekeeping can lead to estrangement and silence in relationships.Building emotional fluency fosters deeper connections and understanding.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere 

In this episode of The Estranged Heart, Kreed addresses the emotional turmoil and exhaustion experienced by parents dealing with estrangement from their adult children. The discussion emphasizes the importance of acknowledging pain, understanding the complexities of grief, and the necessity of acceptance in the healing process. Kreed encourages listeners to transform their pain into wisdom and to communicate effectively, both with themselves and others, while building emotional resilience and seeking support.TakeawaysEstrangement can lead to deep emotional exhaustion.It's normal to feel anger, resentment, and fear in these situations.Acknowledging pain is the first step towards healing.Pain that is resisted becomes suffering; pain that is witnessed becomes wisdom.Support systems are crucial; not all friends and family can provide the needed support.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedreverewww.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of the Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed discusses the emotional challenges faced by those experiencing estrangement during the holiday season. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, she explores themes of grief, exclusion, and the loss of traditional roles within families. The episode emphasizes the importance of acknowledging pain, finding new ways to celebrate, and practicing self-care during difficult times. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their feelings and create new traditions that honor their experiences.TakeawaysIt's important to acknowledge and sit with one's pain.Survival during the holidays can take many forms.Self-care is essential during difficult emotional times.Honesty about feelings can be more healing than pretending.You are worthy of gentleness and grace, even in grief.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this reflective episode, Kreed honors four years of the Estranged Heart podcast, exploring themes of healing, personal growth, and the evolution of estrangement. She shares her journey from victimhood to healing, the challenges of navigating fractures in relationships, and the importance of humility and reverence in the process. The conversation emphasizes the beauty of embracing the messy middle of life and the ongoing conversation with change.TakeawaysHealing doesn't come from erasing our pain; it comes from staying present to it.Conviction is shaped in the heat of confusion, not certainty.Life is gloriously imperfect, and change is a constant companion.Messiness is not weakness; it's where strength grows.Love can evolve, and we must learn to live with open hearts.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of The Estranged Heart, Kreed explores the painful reality of estrangement from a parent's perspective. She emphasizes that estrangement is often not about the child's character but rather about the emotional experiences within the family. Kreed discusses the complexity of love, the importance of understanding emotional safety, and the need for curiosity in navigating these difficult relationships. She encourages parents to reflect on their own experiences and the emotional realities of their children, highlighting that love and hurt can coexist and both are valid.Takeaways- Estrangement often reflects emotional experiences rather than parental failure.- Understanding estrangement requires acknowledging both love and hurt.- Questions about estrangement should focus on family dynamics, not blame.- Every act of love and care in parenting matters.- Growth comes from exploring the complexities of love and estrangement.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode, Kreed explores the concept of 'hardened hearts'—the emotional armor we build to protect ourselves from pain and the impact it has on our relationships. Through personal anecdotes and insights, she discusses how this protective mechanism can lead to estrangement and disconnection, while also emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and the courage it takes to open our hearts again. The episode encourages listeners to recognize their own protective instincts and to approach healing with compassion and understanding.Takeaways- A hardened heart forms as a protective mechanism.- Softness and vulnerability are signs of courage, not weakness.- Recognizing protector parts can help in understanding estranged loved ones.- Love and pain share the same doorway; closing one closes both.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this conversation of The Estranged Heart, Kreed explores the complexities of apologizing, particularly in the context of parent-adult child relationships. She emphasizes the importance of sincerity, understanding the impact of one's actions, and the need for time in the healing process. A true apology is characterized by humility, accountability, and a recognition of the other person's experience. Kreed also highlights the difference between sincere and transactional apologies, urging listeners to reflect on their motivations when seeking forgiveness.Takeaways= Sincerity in apologies is often misunderstood by parents.- A true apology acknowledges the impact of one's actions.- Rebuilding trust is essential for rebuilding relationships after hurt.- Repairing relationships takes time and patience.- Transactional apologies lack true sincerity and are conditional.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective Community: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode, Kreed explores the complex role of labels in estranged relationships, discussing how they can both help and hinder personal growth and understanding. The conversation emphasizes the importance of using labels responsibly, recognizing their potential to trap individuals in fixed identities, and encouraging listeners to reflect on their own use of labels in relationships. Kreed provides insightful questions for self-reflection and highlights the need for awareness in fostering healing and change.Takeaways- Labels can provide language for pain but can also trap us. They can create barriers to protect us but also imprison us.- Labels can help us understand our experiences but should not define us. People can and do change, despite labels.- Using labels as fixed identities can hinder growth and change.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this conversation of The Estranged Heart, Kreed Revere addresses the complexities of parental estrangement, focusing on the emotional turmoil that parents experience when they feel distanced from their children. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and understanding one's feelings of anger and grief, exploring the underlying beliefs that contribute to these emotions. Kreed encourages parents to reflect on their own childhood experiences and the impact of hierarchical beliefs on their relationships with their adult children. Ultimately, she advocates for awareness and compassion in navigating these challenging dynamics.Takeaways- The fury felt in estrangement is a valid emotional response.- Parental beliefs about entitlement can hinder healthy relationships.- Anger can serve as a protective mechanism for deeper vulnerabilities.- Transactional relationships are unhealthy and should be avoided.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this episode of the Estranged Heart Podcast, Kreed explores the concept of echo chambers through the lens of personal experiences, particularly during a Thanksgiving gathering. He discusses how fear and familiarity can trap individuals in unproductive patterns, preventing growth and change. The conversation emphasizes the importance of curiosity as a means to break free from these echo chambers and encourages listeners to challenge their perspectives and embrace new experiences for healing and personal development.Takeaways- Echo chambers limit curiosity and growth.- Fear prevents individuals from trying new things. Curiosity can help break the cycle of fear.- It's important to question familiar narratives.- Healing requires stepping out of comfort zones.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere

In this conversation, Kreed explores the complex emotional landscape of estrangement between parents and adult children. She emphasizes that estrangement is often not the result of a single event but rather a culmination of unmet emotional needs and communication patterns. She encourages parents to shift their perspective from self-blame to compassionate curiosity, fostering understanding and healing in their relationships. She also highlights the importance of recognizing personal patterns and seeking guidance to navigate the complexities of estrangement.www.TheEstrangedHeart.comEmail: hello@TheEstrangedHeart.comWork with Kreed: https://theestrangedheart.com/services(private coaching, mediation, support groups, webinars, etc.)The Heart Collective: https://theestrangedheart.com/membershipFacebook Support Group for Estranged Moms (facilitated by Kreed)https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupTo support the podcast and Kreed’s work with estranged and reconciled parents and adult children: https://buymeacoffee.com/kreedrevere