Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

To learn more about some of the resources Mona has available you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com ___________________________________________________________________ During this episode with Sue Hutton and Jan Wozniak you will learn about the work they are doing in their mindfulness program for Autistic adults. In addition, Sue will share a mindfulness exercise that is used in the program they offer. Other topics discussed include the following: Mindfulness helps you understand yourself from the inside out. Applying ancient teachings to current issues. Adapting Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for Autistic Adults. Mindfulness practices can help if you are feeling overwhelmed in social or sensory situations, or lost in daily life. Mindfulness can also help you increase self compassion. Current therapies may not address the challenges with overstimulation. Co-regulation and reciprocity of energy. In neurodiverse relationships there is a diversity of nervous systems, but partners may not understand the differences. Rigid, ableist protocol may be very difficult for ND individuals. "Mindfulness based stress reduction" curriculum has been modified to be compatible for ND folks and to be congruent with ND nervous systems. Curriculum includes compassion and movement practices. How to be able to cultivate self awareness when you’re alexithymic. Mindfulness can help you connect with the things that might be difficult to access and accept that some things may be a challenge. Learn how to show yourself some kindness and self compassion. Mindfulness can also help with reducing sensory overload. Learning how to calm down your sympathetic response to feel more confidence, safety and control. Jan shares some of the complexities of his mixed neurotype relationship. How moving in together impacted his relationship. Understanding their different social needs and the importance of self regulation. Important to have a partner that is open to effective and ongoing communication. Honoring your needs is very important in a mixed neurotype relationship, as it can help prevent overload or overwhelm. Relationship as practice (Ram Dass). Learn about yourself in your relationship through a journey of self discovery, humility, understanding your sensory and social needs, patience, acceptance, and love. Reflect before you react. Try new practices together. The facility that Sue and Jan work with is the Azrieli Adult Neurodevelopmental Centre, Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH)-Toronto, Canada You can contact Jan at: Jan.wozniak@camh.ca or   https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/jan-a-wozniak-toronto-on/1252465 You can contact Sue Hutton at: https://www.suehuttonmindfulness.com For more information on expressing your needs check out this short video from the Gottman Institute: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EfcVKBhIjIo --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to learn more about the resources available through Neurodiverse Love, including the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, please go to: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona has a great conversation with Donna Henderson, Sarah Wayland and Jamell White, the authors of "Is This Autism-A Guide for Clinicians and Everyone Else" and "Is This Autism-A Companion Guide for Diagnosing". The topics addressed include: The value of explicit, direct communication. Making assumptions that may not be true. Misinterpretation during communication. Understanding high and low context. Taking things personally or judging your partner. Being held accountable for something you didn’t say but may have been inferred. Be curious when you feel yourself getting triggered. Be aware of the amount of time you need to transition from work to conversation. Get engagement first and then start communicating. May have different fundamental needs around communication.  Needing voice inflection to understand meaning. Flat affect or tone of voice may be received incorrectly.  Needing to process things out loud- vs- alone. How can you each get your needs met without overpowering or neglecting the other? Understand if your partner needs more processing time during a conversation. Understand what leads to flooding or shutdown during conversations. Understand when you’re hyperverbal you may be flooding your partner. Asking your partner for what you need at the beginning of a conversation. Understanding that you and your partner may define words differently. Accepting that there are differences that may not be changeable. Not having time awareness can create challenges and your partner may need transition reminders. When frustrations are festering because you haven’t communicated explicitly what you need. One person should not have all the burden of change. What are the top 3 things that are challenges in your relationship? Learning how to regulate your nervous system before engaging in a conversation with your partner. There are different ways of connecting and we need to understand each other’s needs. Sharing activities may be a great way for you to connect with your partner or family member. What was your partner’s family’s communication style? Understanding that fear in communication can create challenges. People are usually doing the best they can with what they have. Just ask!!! See things through a curiosity lens. You can contact Jamell White at:  drjamellwhite@gmail.com You can contact Donna Henderson at: www.drdonnahenderson.com You can contact Sarah Wayland at: www.guidingexceptionalparents.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to learn about the support groups and other resources Mona has available you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode with AuDHD'er Scott Simpson, we talk about the impact of unknown neurodivergence and how important understanding yourself and your needs can be to help lead you to a path that includes forgiveness and healing. Other topics addressed include: Past relationships had a similar pattern. Would freeze when emotions came up. Trying to do things right long enough so that things would be okay. Feeling resentment from your partner, but not knowing what to do with it. Not knowing what your partner needs. Being confused and not planning ahead. Working on masking full time, but not knowing what that really meant. Things you say under pressure.  Sucking at hard conversations.  Routines while living together. Wife was a social worker. He had a fling. Seeking porn. Being willing to do whatever it takes, but not knowing what to do. Started therapy to address some issues that came up in his relationship. Didn’t want to marry someone who didn’t believe in him. Try focusing on the positives, rather than the challenges and differences. Expectations that there is only one way to do things and we want our partner to do it our way, Focus on the solvable problems. When you feel that you can’t talk about issues. The big proposal at Times Square in NYC. Time blindness. Waffling on decisions until pushed Wife had treatment resistant depression. Walking on eggshells. Feeling like you can’t meet your partner’s expectations. Thinking feelings, rather than feeling them and alexythymia. Didn’t know if he would be a good dad. During childbirth they found out his wife had cancer. In-laws moved in and it changed everything and he wasn’t prepared for the changes. Wife was planning to divorce him after the baby was born.  She felt he had no empathy and couldn’t be a supportive husband. Feeling like he was set up for failure. Wife screamed at him..."There is something wrong with you!”  …and she resented him. Everything he was doing was seen as an attack or a failure. The contempt has to stop. Wife had gone outside of their marriage to get some of her needs met. Deprived each other of so much love and joy. We can’t change the past. Felt like he lost half his brain when his wife died. Started learning about challenges with executive function and ADHD. ADHD didn’t answer all the questions and then learned about autism. Understanding neurodivergence helped burn off some of the trauma and shame. Son is gifted and might also be Autistic. “Unknown”neurodivergence throughout the family tree. Understanding each other’s neurotype within the family. Accepting your strengths, challenges, and differences and those of your friends and creating a supportive tribe. Thinking that there is only one way to be. Resented people who were their authentic selves. Always learning and growing. An experiential learner, who doesn’t learn from experience! Learning how to ask for what you need. Find the sandbox where you can talk about things safely…it lets so much happen. "Expecting" consistency may create challenges. Attribution of intention that is not correct. Learn how to forgive yourself…and start with your younger self. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

During this episode, Dr. Katie Fields, LMHC, LMFT shares how the work she does through "CounSouling" weaves together her background in both mental health counseling and spiritual practices to help you better understand your ego and your soul, so that you become your most authentic Self.  Other topics addressed include: The therapeutic model called Internal Family Systems (IFS) uses the premise that we all are multi-dimensional personalities.   We have protective parts, parts that are managers and some that take on our burdens and vulnerabilities and then we have our most authentic “Self”. Traditional mental health therapy usually focuses on ego. Ego is our “persona suit” that helps us be in control of ourselves. Being ego focused may actually be when neurodivergent folks “mask or camouflage”. Ego can create masking behaviors to protect us. Being comfortable with our authentic voice can help us get more in touch with our Soul/Self. You may realize how hard you’ve been working to survive your day to day interactions. Grieving the old you as you transition to become more of your authentic self. Total wellness is possible! Letting go of what no longer serves you…including some relationships. Shifting your energy may involve setting boundaries and respectfully sharing your needs.  This can be healing for you and scary for others who may not be ready to, or want to, heal. You’re the only person who is going to be with you for the entirety of your life…make yourself a priority! The Enneagram is a 9 type personality tool that helps you see yourself.  First reflection will show you your ego, however it is a spiritual tool that helps you get back to your true Self. We want to feel safe and protected.  The ego is very adaptive and wants to protect us. There are ways to get in touch with what brings us joy! Taking radical responsibility for the life you want. Helping you get back on track. Numerology can be a tool that can help us understand more of our “user manual”.  Energetic patterns can help you learn lessons. In numerology you will get four different numbers from your name that can help you understand more about yourself.    Your integrated self is all the numbers in the layers in your name. When you are becoming integrated this is when your ego and soul are besties. Soul number is just the vowels in your name. Personality number is the consonants in your name and is your ego and how you show up. Your birth date is your “Life path”…the main lessons you are here to learn.  To learn more about Katie’s work or to get a free sample reading you can check out her website at: http://www.fearlesscounsouling.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to learn more about Mona's support groups, workshops or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workboook you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona has a fantastic conversation with psychologist and author, Jasmine Loo, who is in Melbourne, Australia. Jasmine is the author of the book: "Nurturing Neurodivergence-The Late Identified Adults' Guide to Building Healthy Relationships With Self and Others". The topics discussed include: Vulnerability of neurodivergents in relationships. How difficulties in perspective taking can impact how we think others see the world and lead to relational trauma. How trusting can lead to trauma. Understanding healthy vs unhealthy relationships. Explicit learning may be useful. Needing a role model for healthy relationships. May have cognitive knowledge about many things, but may not be able to apply it. Having the memory, but having a gap applying the information in the future. Temporal myopia. Emotional distance from a painful memory can create a disconnect with emotional urgency and relevance. Toxic relationships may start out good. Gaslighting-makes you question your own sanity. Emotional and psychological abuse. Nuanced elements of relationships. Some cultures glorify certain behaviors that are not healthy. In the media, healthy relationship patterns may be seen as boring. Understanding your strengths and challenges and being able  to ask for help when you need it. It may be hard to believe in your strengths, if you’ve been told how bad you are throughout your life. Traits are not inherently good or bad, however it is important to view them in different contexts. Understanding what can change or can’t between different neurotypes. Sensory overload will impact your response or reaction. Being in self protection mode. Knowledge is power. Self understanding and self acceptance go hand in hand. Learn how to fight in healthy ways. Open communication during sensory or emotional overload may lead to meltdown or shutdown. You can’t clap with one hand, so both partners need to understand each other. Understanding when you or your partners nervous system is dysregulated. Do not be afraid to hit “pause” in a conversation with your partner. Alexithymia-struggling for your brain to register cues from your body. Looking like you are going from 0-100 very quickly and understanding your body’s cues. Having an individual and a relationship sensory toolbox can help you re-regulate yourself and co-regulate with your partner. Understanding when we humanize ourselves it doesn’t have to dehumanize someone else.  What you each need to feel safe in your relationships. “All emotions are okay although not all behaviors are.” Emotions don’t have to dictate behavior. Anger is not our enemy, it is trying to tell us something. The sticky brain and obsessionality-random thoughts or words that may get stuck in our heads. Can make it harder for ND people to move on. Learn to accept and understand the signs and doing “acceptance” work can help move out of “sticky brain” mode. Physical activity can ground you to the present. You can contact Jasmine through her psychology website: www.jasmineloopsychology.com or her author website: www.jasmine-loo.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, support groups and other resources Mona has available check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com __________________________________________________ During this conversation with Damla we explore how autism and narcissist traits can co-exist. The topics we discuss include: Love bombing. Denial of neurodivergence. Very direct communication. Routines with housekeeping and meals. Spending money on things that made his life easier. Seemed not to care about finances. Did not have many friends. Not taking responsibility for the impact of his behavior. Cultural differences. Understanding which behaviors are toxic. Adjusted her life to fit into his life and routine. Feeling exhausted and started to implement boundaries. Relationship began to change after boundaries were being set. Everything had to be his way and he stopped being loving and kind. Understanding when gaslighting was occurring. Not taking responsibility for any of his behavior. Not feeling bad or sad when you hurt someone you care about. The importance of focusing on people’s behavior and not ignoring when actions are toxic. Pay attention when someone doesn’t apologize or take responsibility for their behavior. If you would like to reach out to Damla you can follow her on IG @discoverneurodiversity --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

Mona and Greg are co-facilitating a mixed neurotype support group on the 3rd Friday of each month, from 12:30-2pm EST. This is a "drop-in" group for individuals (not couples) and you can attend as often as you want, but space is limited. Everyone who registers for the April or May support group will receive a free digital download of the Neurodiverse Love Cards and the Neurodiverse Love Card Workbook ($23.97 value) The cost is ONLY $25 per session and if you would like to register for the support group click here. __________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona Kay and Greg Fuqua talk about repair after conflict and employment challenges. In addition, other topics discussed include: Repairing major ruptures. Being uncomfortable facing your failures RSD-rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Book by John and Julie Gottman called “Fight Right. Based on the Gottman’s research: 69% of our problems are perpetual and 31% of our problems are solvable. Traumas and values may impact repeated conflict. Self blindness may contribute to not wanting to go too deep with conflict. Understanding cognitive style, triggers, and attachment styles is important. How alexythymia can impact conflict and conflict resolution. Is your conflict gridlocked? 6 questions to consider asking each other after a conflict: 1) What do you believe about this issue that you’re fighting about? Do you have some values, ethics or beliefs that relate to your position on this issue?:  2) Does your position on this conflict relate to your history or childhood in some way?: 3) Why is your position on this issue Important to you?: 4) What are your feelings about this issue? (If one of you has Alexythymia you may need more time and space to think about the response to this question).:  5) What is your ideal dream here?  If you could waive a magic wand and have exactly what you want what would that look like?: 6) Is there some underlying purpose or goal for you and what is it? Having a curiosity mindset when working together to repair a rupture is very important. Aphantasia-having a hard time creating an imaginative state. Ability to compromise and honor your partners needs. When working on repair after conflict creating a bridge with your partner is helpful. Using reflective statements can also be helpful. Value each others perspective even when you’re not aligned. Understanding each other’s hardware and software. Neurodivergence in family of origin and not knowing this when you were younger. Having a growth mindset. Turn taking, slowing down and taking time to listen to your partner is critical. Challenges working to your potential and staying on a career path that will lead to financial success. The importance of boundaries.  There may be some challenges in maintaining employment because the neurodivergent partner needs accommodations at work but doesn’t ask for them or understand what they need. The autistic partner may have a black and white narrative about themselves and the world. Selling your soul in employment may lead to depression. Capacity and work schedule need to be discussed. Autistics can have very spiky skillsets. Where is the culture and job situation that fits you? Working hard at the beginning of new employment and not being able to keep up that  pace can lead to burnout. Challenges in employment can deeply impact your self worth and identity. The possibility of being parentified. Take inventory of all you’ve achieved as well as the things you’ve overcome. What if our partners are a source for our healing? You can contact Mona at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com or at www.neurodiverselove.com. You can contact Greg at gfuqua70@gmail.com or at www.gregfuqua.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

During this episode with Dr. Jessie Mahoney, we talk about how we can change the stories we tell ourselves, retrain our nervous system and create more mindful practices that can help us improve our lives. In addition, we address the following topics: Choosing to change yourself can create shifts in your relationship. Understanding the griefor depression each of you may feel and understanding. Getting clear about things out of your control that can’t be changed. Retraining our own nervous system first. Parasympathetic nervous system is focused on rest and digest. Sympathetic nervous system is running from the tiger. We can feel bewildered and respond or react at different speeds. In adrenal depletion we just react and are not pausing. Fight or flight response releases cortisol. Self compassion releases dopamine and oxytocin which feels good. Learn different breathing practices to see what works for you.  This can help you be less reactive. Restorative yoga can be very helpful. We have held onto stories that may be misinterpretations. How can we create positive stories and remember the things you fell in love with and focus on how you’re the same. Understand your neurodiverse relationship is going to look different than other relationships. Create a positive story about the way your partner shows you love.  Reframing stories can be so helpful. Tell the story that we’re both doing the best we can.  Judge the effort, not just the outcome! Change the way you think and then determine if you need to make a change. Determine what your non-negotiables are and after doing that you may realize that you are no longer compatible. When you’re in a state of constant frustration you can’t be fully invested. Focus on both of your individual strengths. What is your partner good at that you don’t like and vice versa? Generosity of thinking and assuming good intent can help you get out of a tug of war with your partner. Create a toolbox for moving through the world more smoothly. Mindfulness is acceptance (even if you don’t like what is happening). You can have acceptance and still be angry or have other feelings and this can empowering. What you practice grows. Be patient with yourself and wour partners.  Our partners may have a different nervous system pace. Allow yourself and your partner to be angry. Accepting and not liking and still listening is so important. 69% of our problems in our relationships are perpetual and 31% are solvable. Ask yourself-“What would love do?” You don’t always have to understand. Self compassion is a life raft. Learn more about Jessie's work at her website: www.jessiemahoneymd.com Jessie's free yoga classes are available on YouTube at Mindful Yoga for Healers Listen to Jessie's podcast- Mindful Healers here.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

On the 3rd Friday of the month from 12:30-2pm EST, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay will be co-facilitating a mixed neurotype support group for individuals (not couples). This is a "drop-in" support group, so you can attend whenever you want, however spots are limited. The cost is ONLY $25 per session and you can click here to register. If you have any questions about the support group, please email Mona at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com In addition, if you would like to buy access to the Communication Workshop that Mona and Greg co-facilitated and the workbook that was created for the workshop you can click here. __________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona Kay and Greg Fuqua talk about unidentified autism, monotropism and persistent demand for autonomy. Each of these topics is discussed in detail and some of the issues addressed are: Gaps in identity and not knowing how you’re perceived. What does it mean to be autistic? Understanding your neurodivergence can be life changing and empowering. How do you look at your relationship through a new lens when you know you’re a neurodiverse couple? When you don’t understand your communication differences, emotional needs, socializing differences and then you discover you’re a neurodiverse couple. Knowing the why behind why you’re having challenges as a couple. The stigma around autism can make the discussion challenging. Lead with love and curiosity. Ask yourself why it's so important for your partner to receive a diagnosis when they are unidentified? It may be helpful to talk about autistic traits or neurodivergence. Both partners need to be growing and become more self aware. But you may be growing at different speeds. Look at the different options ND couples can consider in their relationship. Creative solutions are okay. Our journey’s can look very different. Know your boundaries. Monotropism-a persons tendency to focus their attention on a small number of things. Lends itself to intense experiences, deep thinking and flow states. Can contribute to context blindness. Autistic inertia. Validate and support your partner’s passions and self interests and negotiate how they can shift when needed. Capacity and stress may contribute to more monotropism. Welcome the questions your partner asks when you talk about your passion or special interests.  It feels good and calms your nervous system when you know your partner has heard and understood you. Processing preferences and needs. Persistent Demand for Autonomy (PDA). Being flexible regarding decision making. Not understanding lack of follow through. Losing trust and respect for your partner. Using affirmation instead of making a request for more demands. Talking about intent and process is so important. Making your partner feel good about themselves rather than demanding something. Are you assuming your partner has positive or good intent? If you would like to contact Greg you can email him at: GFuqua70@gmail.com or check out his website at: www.Gregfuqua.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

During this epsisode with Dr. Grace Malonai we talk about PDA, sensory sensitivities and sex, hygiene issues, and masking and unmasking. In addition, we address the following topics: Understanding PDA by looking at trauma and the trauma response to take care of ourselves.  May have developed a protective mechanism and a way to manage it. Avoiding things that will elicit a similar response or experience.  Impact of challenges that happen during different developmental windows. Noticing the change in your behaviors and then breaking things down into small little steps. Bring your adult self back to a childhood memory using “parts” work. Hygiene issues and struggles you or your partner may have. Addressing possible sensory issues. Ways to develop work arounds. Sensory sensitivities and sex. Communicate about your sensory sensitivities and practice what feels good and understand what doesn’t feel good. LGBTQI+ and neurodivergence. Interest in kink and the benefits of having more rules and implicit trust. Neurodivergent folks may have to go through lots of self exploration. Masking and Unmasking-understanding when you developed the masks. Trauma masks may be the ones that many people want to release. Some masks may be helpful to be able to function in certain circumstances. Do you know when you started to feel overwhelmed having to mask?  Which masks hurt and take so much energy?  Using masks to protect yourself. Get to know your mask as another part of you. What kind of stims are going to help you after you mask all day? Understanding each others values and discussing which values are supportive of each other and which are in conflict?l Falling in love with someone’s mask and then determining if you can love the person under the mask? Every person deserves to love and value who they are! It’s okay to slow down and get to know who you are. Take time to heal! You can contact Dr. Grace through her website: www.therathrive.com or by calling her practice at: 1-888-777-2915 To learn more about the support groups and other resources that Mona has available check out her website: www.neurodiverselove.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to buy the digital deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) click here. If you would like to buy the Neurodiveres Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) click here. To buy access to the recording of the Communication Workshop that Mona and Greg co-facilitated and the workshop workbook for ONLY $97 click here.  The mixed neurotype support group that Mona and Greg will be co-facilitating will be held on the 3rd Friday of the month and begins meeting on 4/19/24 at 12:30pm EST. The group is for individuals (not couples) who are currently in a Neurodiverse Love Relationship. The cost is ONLY $25 per session. To register ⁠click here.⁠ During this episode, Mona Kay and Greg Fuqua talk about the disconnection and misunderstanding that neurodiverse couples may be experiencing around sex and physical intimacy. They also share ways in which understanding and connection can be improved. Other topics discussed include: Sex as a special interest. The importance of understanding how you prefer to show love and how you want love to be shown to you.  Finding healthy sources for information about sex. Attending to other people’s needs to be accepted.  Struggling with connections with your body. Being objectified.  Being able to separate the emotion from sex. Social anxiety about what’s expected. Getting information from porn. Having a curiosity lens. Being hyper-sexual can be a form of self regulation.  Alcohol can be used to help reduce intimacy issues. Sexual routines may be used to help pleasure your partner and sometimes this may feel robotic. It is easier to navigate sex when you have structures and know what works. Understanding sexual diversity.  You learn by reflecting on experience…debrief with your partner. Passive vs active touch. Feeling rejected. Breaching physical boundaries when not ready or prepared. Being ready when our partner wants to connect.  Sensory issues that we may not understand. Asking before engaging in physical touch. Cuddling may be overwhelming or overstimulating.  Practice platonic cuddling and touching.  Eye contact during intimacy can be overwhelming.  Alexythymia may impact what you feel, want and need. Shame can create an emotionally unsafe situation. The importance of understanding each other’s sensory sensitivities and limits. Sensory overwhelm and having to meet the needs of your partner may reduce sexual intimacy. Engaging in masturbation and watching porn, but not being sexual with your partner. Scheduling sex may help the ND partner to prepare.  Prevents initiation and rejection issues which could lead to rejection sensitivity. Address disparity of needs and interests. Remembering when intimacy was working well. Bridges of understanding and taking turns. Not understanding social cues and sexual abuse. Relational trauma. Understanding and addressing shame.  You can contact Greg Fuqua at : Gfuqua70@gmail.com or check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

Mona's next Neurodiverse Couples Support Group begins in April. The group meets for 4 weeks from 7:30-9pm EST on 4/11, 4/18, 4/25 & 5/2. The investment is ONLY $199 per couple and there are only a few spots left. If you want to better understand the differences you and your partner may be experiencing in communication, emotional reciprocity, socializing, executive function, sensory sensitivities and physical intimacy click here to register or go to www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ On this episode, Dr. Jill Corvelli talks about the 4th component of her ND Compass Method. The first 3 components are: Education; Niche Construction; and Differentiation. The 4th and final component is: Autonomic Rese,t which includes work with Ketamine and Psyilocybin.  Other topics discussed include: When there is chronic relationship trauma the dendrite stalks get worn away. Memory consolidation makes ongoing present moment roadblocks EMDR can help with healing in 1-6 sessions Need to find a way of resetting our nervous system or we are constantly in a flight, fight, freeze, or fawn response state Research shows that the "default mode network" (DMN) is different in ND folks Lower level of neurotransmitters in ADHD brain. Stress and cortisol can make neurons and dendrites atrophy and they can’t communicate Release of BDNF regenerates what trauma has withered away! Not everyone is eligible for Ketamine.  You need an assessment and it needs to be done with a licensed therapist. Jill is starting 2 new groups for innate healing and neuroplastic reset for those eligible to safely and clinically participate. Jill's co-leader, Mary Beathea is a nurse Group 1-Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy group for women in complex relationships. May 7-9 onsite in Oregon.  This is not a processing group it is an intervention group.  Three prep sessions by Zoom and then 2 dosing sessions in Oregon.  Then 3 integration sessions where you make sense of the experience with a group. Group 2-Psilocybin group for complex couples. Meets September 26-28 in Oregon. Ketamine provides an amazing assist with rapid therapeutic change, neuroplastic window, more cognitive flexibility to do work in, insight and clarity to reframe important life issues, lay down defenses, overcome obstacles, navigate obstacles that caused stress, and recover self, increase window of tolerance, get unstuck, work assist, recovery of self. https://www.ndpartnerscompass.com/courses/women-complex-partnerships-ketamine-retreat  b) Psilocybin-Same neuroplastic reset- dendrites fertilized regrowth, liquid compassion Psilocybin- sacred perspective, part self and part wisdom, other places of sacredness. Decisions, obstacles, innate healing activated https://www.ndpartnerscompass.com/courses/complex-couples-psilocybin-assisted-group-therapy   In addition, Jill is providing adjunct support in collaboration with a couple or individual’s regular therapist. For adjunct services there is no wait list. Jill provides up to 6 sessions of Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy and EMDR in NJ, OR, WA (can travel in) and Jill's ND Compass Method is available everywhere. You can contact Jill at: jill@jillcorvelli.com and ndpartnersinstitute.com   PLEASE NOTE: Psilocybin is legal at the state level in Oregon for regulated use in certified service centers with certified facilitators. It remains federally illegal-(much like cannabis). It has been identified as a break through drug at the federal level fueling research and strong potential change in its scheduling and legal status. Many states are also looking to follow Oregon in providing accessibility for its demonstrated ability to quickly resolve treatment resistant depression, anxiety, and addiction. Ketamine is federally and state legal with FDA approval for anesthetic use and not FDA approved but commonly and legally prescribed for off label use for treatment of depression, anxiety, PTSD, eating disorders, and other issues. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

You can buy the downloadable digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards (ONLY $11) or the Workbook (ONLY $12.97) at www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to purchase the "Strategies & Tools for Increasing Healthy & Respectful Communication" workshop with Greg Fuqua, LMHC and Mona Kay, MSW. Ph.D. click here. The recording and the workshop workbook are available for ONLY $97. In addition, you will receive a discount code to purchase the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook for ONLY $1 for each __________________________________________________ During this episode, AANE Certified Neurodiverse Couples Counselor and Coach, Jill Kearns shares some of the lessons she learned and her lived experience in her neurodiverse marriage of almost 40 years. Other topics addressed include: Emotional neglect Cassandra Syndrome When trust is broken Living parallel lives Feeling alone and unsafe and pushed out by the tribe The importance of the book "The Body Keeps the Score" The impact of significant trauma Alexythymia The pain of choosing to either stay or leave is real Masking in public, but different behind closed doors Flooded with stress hormones Not being able to emotionally regulate Using alcohol to dull the pain Memory and attention problems, chronic irritability and sleep problems 18 months of chronic physical problems Chronic interpersonal trauma Healing through self-awareness, mindfulness, meditation, self-care, positive relationships, and EMDR Apologies and forgiveness Neurodiverse Couple Trauma Cycle There is hope! Lack of understanding is mostly a disaster, while knowledge can be the key to success. If you would like to contact Jill you can check out her website at: www.neurodiversecouplescounselling.com.au or email her at: jill.e.kearns@gmail.com For more information on the Neurodiverse Couples Trauma Cycle check out: https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/trauma-cycle --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you and your partner are looking for ways to improve your communication in your mixed neurotype relationship, then⁠ click here⁠ to purchase the recorded workshop with Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay titled: "Strategies and Tools for Increasing Healthy and Respectful Communication in Your Neurodiverse Relationship". The topics that are addressed include: 1) Rituals of Communication. 2) Healthy Communication Structures. 3) Reciprocity and Turn Taking. 4) Perspective Taking and Conflict Resolution. 5) Tools for Communicating Changes Wanted and Needed. The investment for this workshop is ONLY $97 and each participant will receive a Communication Workbook and a code to purchase the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) for only $1 each! _______________________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona and Greg talk about their lived experiences co-parenting with a partner who has a different neurotype. They share some of the lessons they both learned, things they now understand and would have done differently, as well as the strengths in their co-parenting relationships. In addition, they address many other topics including: Having shame around parenting because it can reveal some of our issues around neurodivergence.  ND mind needs time to recover and the parenting demands may make it seem like they don’t have space to recover. Being great in emergency and crisis situations.  Hyperfocus can be very helpful. Needing to engage in activities and having a role during an event. When only one parent goes to most school activities, birthday parties and other events that involve other kids. Identify your stylistic differences, preferences, strengths and roles as parents. Sensory overload and not knowing your sensory profile can create lots of challenges. Parents may experience emotional overload or overwhelm because they don't understand each other's neurological differences. One parent may be the safe person for the children to go to. May feel like you have an angry and unavailable partner. Try not to identify your partner by their most vulnerable and difficult moments. The importance of recognizing relational trauma and neurodivergence legacy. Understanding that our neurodivergent traits may be passed down to our children. Take time to talk to your child about how you may not have been able to meet their needs.  How alexithymia may impact the parent-child dynamic. Not being able to tolerate highly emotional situations like screaming or intense crying. Kids may feel like they have to  “walk on eggshells” with a parent. Understanding how screaming or shutting down can impact your children. Understanding an ND partner may not engage in certain parenting responsibilities because they don’t want to get it wrong. One parent may experience shame around what they feel they can’t do as a parent. Your passions or special interests may be places where you can bond and connect with your kids. Kids attune to each parent and seek “attachment” Be a student to your kid and learn from them and understand their needs and personality. The way your family thrives may be SO different from other families...and that’s okay. Understand that the maintenance of your relationship with your college age or adult child may change. The need for mutuality and reciprocity. Being clear about what the adult child needs from their parent. When you feel something positive about your child tell them. Connect with your adult child on a regular basis and consider adding a reminder to your calendar to reach out to them. If you would like to learn more about the support groups and other resources Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to contact Greg, you can check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Decisions and Choices in Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) you can click here Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ During this episode of the podcast, Mona has an opportunity to talk with Tristan and Renee who recently learned that they are a mixed neurotype couple. Tristan identifies as having some traits of what used to be identified as Asperger's and Renee identifies as ADHD. Throughout this conversation, both Tristan and Renee share the struggles and growth they have experienced individually, as a couple and as a neurodiverse family with two young children. Other topics addressed include: Their different perspectives on their relationship when they first met. When one partner is clear about the path for the relationship, but hasn't communicated it to the other person: ie: if you're pursuing someone, it's only for marriage. Codependency and trying to solve other people's problems. Not understanding when you have poor boundaries. Supression of emotions and being hypervigilant. When you have neurodivergent traits, but would not be diagnosed based on the current criteria. Anger is a sign of fear. We all deserve to do the things we love and live a life with peace, freedom and a lasting, healthy relationship. Communicate what you need and how your brain and emotions work. When your faith helps keep you together. Agape love can be a transforming force. Do we actually change or just begin to see things differently? How are you supporting each other as you each become more of your authentic selves? The pain needs to pay off somehow and it might be used to help others who are having similar challenges. What does it look like to love the future version of your partner? The value of learning and using the Imago Process by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt LaKelly Your partner may feel like they have the solution to every problem. Choosing to be more assertive. When people are emotional they may say things they don't mean! In other cultures they accept people being in crisis and believe they can work through it and get to the other side. You can crash and burn, but it's not the final destination. Sometimes we need our partner to do more then just listen and respond appropriately...we need empathy. The interplay between the masculine and feminine. To contact Tristan and Renee you can go to: www.purposeadvisory.com.au or send an email to: tristan@purposeadvisory.com.au --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

For more information about the resources Mona has available go to: www.neurodiverselove.com WARNING: During this episode we talk briefly about suicide, suicidal thoughts, & sexual abuse, so please be aware of this and take care of yourself if this discussion may be a trigger for you. During this episode, Rachelle Jones-Grief Recovery Specialist shares information about her own neurodiverse marriage & family, as well as how an evidenced based model for grief recovery can provide the tools and strategies that can help you understand & process grief. Rachelle talks about her own grief recovery process and how her mission is now to help others heal in more healthy ways. The other topics discussed during this episode include: How this model gives us grace, compassion and curiousity. Understanding what work and change we each have to do. Determine what your "truth" is. Apply the" Grief Recovery Model" tools everytime you need them. Remember that each partner comes into the relationship with "their" issues, whether they understand them or not. We may say and do things out of our "emotional reaction". Understanding when your truth may be that you're feeling really hurt and unloved and it can be because something that is currently happening reminds you of an issue from the past. Remembering that your partner doesn't "make" you feel anything, however then can "leave" you feeling a particular way. Understand what your reactions and emotions are connected to and understanding our unmet hopes, needs and expectations. Unexpressed hopes and expectations can create grief. Long delays in responses from our partner can leave us feeling unloved and uncared for. Find, acknowledge and express our "truth" and provide the space and time for our partner to do the same. Unintentional pain can be caused when we don't know how to move through and heal grief. Grief is cumulatively negative. Loss of hope, dreams and expectation are all grief moments. Suicide is usually about needing the pain to end and not thinking that it every will. Get honest that time isn't going to heal the grief. Understanding that we can't replace the loss. Grieving by yourself is probably not working. Keeping busy does not heal grief. Your real strength is sitting in the heartache and acknowledging what is real. Time is not going to heal the grief, but taking action can begin the healing process. Unresolved emotions can come out as physical health problems. Short term energy relieving behaviors (STERB's) work for a little while, but don't work long term. STERB's can be socially acceptable, but don't heal the grief. It is important to understand what we are doing to cope and feel better, and then try to help ourselves so we don't feel the pain so intensely. Have a sip of grace for yourself and your partner. Be able to say "I don't know what I'm doing here", however we can find the tools and strategies to move forward. Judging yourself or your partner is not going to make things better. However, accepting and understanding that you have different ways of experiencing life and dealing with your emotions and grieving can be life changing. We each feel our emotions differently and go through the grieving process differently. If you would like to contact Rachelle you can check out her website at: www.griefrecoverywithrachelle.com or you can follow her on IG @GRWRachelle If you would like to work with Rachelle, she has created a scholarship code for my listeners to get a 20% discount on tuirtion for any of her classess. The code is: MonaNDLove. Rachelle offers an 8 week classs for individual training or group training and a 2 1/2-day class for individual or group training. For more information about the evidenced based Grief Recovery Method you can go to: www.griefrecoverymethodc.com If you are in the United States and are experiencing suicidal thoughts you can dial 988 for the Suicide Prevention Hotline or go to www.988lifeline.org --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you and your partner are looking for ways to improve your communication in your mixed neurotype relationship, then click here to purchase the recorded workshop with Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay titled: "Strategies and Tools for Increasing Healthy and Respectful Communication in Your Neurodiverse Relationship". The topics that are addressed include: 1) Rituals of Communication. 2) Healthy Communication Structures. 3) Reciprocity and Turn Taking. 4) Perspective Taking and Conflict Resolution. 5) Tools for Communicating Changes Wanted and Needed. The investment for this workshop is ONLY $97 and each participant will receive a Communication Workbook and a code to purchase the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11 value) and the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97 value) for only $1 each! _______________________________________________________ During this episode, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay talk about some of the strengths, challenges and differences that may be present when one partner is Autistic and the other is ADHD. Greg has this dynamic in his marriage and Mona had this dynamic in her 30 year marriage, so they both share a lot of their personal experiences, as well as those they have seen in other couples with these mixed neurotypes. The topics addressed include: Externalized energy vs internalized energy. One partner may be a "bridge" for the other. Differences and overlaps and shared understanding. Anxious pursuer vs avoidant. Timing is the key to find moments to connect. In-depth knowledge vs chasing a new thing. External calm and patience vs lots of outer energy and a desire for change. Having different processing preferences. Ability to jump around vs going deep with one subject. The need for autonomy and freedom or feeling like you have to repress your needs. Understanding emotional dysregulation and self-soothing. Being hyperverbal vs hypoverbal. How knowing each other's neurotypes can help explain why you both may be having challenges. Tracking each others mood and stress and attuning to each other, rather then judging and creating conflict. Valuing each others different processing styles. Understanding unidentified sensitivities. Being vulnerable vs intellectualizing emotions and growing in emotional vulnerability. Focusing on your strengths and connection as a couple can help you rebuild and transform your relationship. If you would like to contact Greg you can email him at gfuqua70@gmail.com or check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com If you would like to learn more about the support groups or other resources that Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com or email her at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate called "Navigating Decisions and Choices in Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) you can ⁠click here ⁠ Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! __________________________________________ During this episode, Greg Fuqua and Mona Kay talk about the different ways mixed neurotype couples can create more positive feelings for each other and how they can find ways to show more affection and appreciation in their relationship. The other topics discussed include: Understanding your partners "owners manual", which includes their history, trauma, what they need for repair after conflict, their neurotype, love language, deficits, strengths, relational trauma and triggers. The importance of reciprocity and mutuality. Remembering that relationships require maintenance. Engaging in small gestures that address each others needs and wants. Preparation and negotiation are important in a mixed neurotype relationship. When your "love tank" is empty it is very easy to have raw and hurtful experiences. Understanding what leads to a culture of appreciation and reciprocity. Healthy internalization rather then toxic externalization. Talk about processes so both partners understand what happened. Being romantic and vulnerable can feel "too much". Alexythymia and love can create "short circuits". Internalizing things can give very little space for interaction with your partner. Being shamed for having intense feelings and how important it is to create safety in your relationship for sharing your feelings and emotions. If you have positive thoughts about your partner...say it! Own what's yours and understand your triggers. Understand and take care of your hurt "parts" and wounds. Take a pause when angry and start with an "I" statement and/or a statement of empathy. If you would like to learn more about the support groups and other resources Mona offers, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com If you would like to contact Greg, you can check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton co-facilitate called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! _______________________________________________________ Welcome to Season 7 of the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. During this episode and many more throughout the season, Greg Fuqua, LMHC is co-hosting the podcast with Mona Kay. This episode is focused on the different needs each partner may have related to socializing and family time. The topics addressed include:◦ Connection with people when it's within your partners capacity. ◦ Bowing out of planned events and experiencing questioning and disappointment from family members when they don't understand.◦ Experiencing anxiety when asking for your needs to be met.◦ When you aren’t “out” to everyone in your family about being neurodivergent.◦ Having a specific role at family events can be very important to help get connection to self.◦ The importance of downtime and a transition period.◦ Understanding what each partner needs during socializing.◦ Social differences are not deficits.◦ Plan and prepare beforehand, so you know what is coming and what the expectations are.◦ Having an exit plan and having support around that is important.◦ Needing a way for self-soothing, alone time and recovery.◦ Running late because you may not understand each others needs.◦ Taking separate cars to an event can be helpful.◦ Reducing anxiety by planning and preparing together, then debrief after the event to learn what you can each do better in the future.◦ Including both "open" and "down" time into the socializing event can be helpful. May also want to schedule in time for your partners special interest.◦ Remember that everyone wants to be seen, known, valued and understood.◦ Past relational trauma may impact decision making around socializing and date nights.◦ Family time with kids can also be challenging because the “expectations” may never stop.◦ Be aware of sensory overload or overstimulation.◦ Understanding that change of plans may be difficult and lead to anger or irritability.◦ Develop habits and rituals around communication.◦ Make sure your autistic partner has time for recovery.◦ Understand your capacity and how much you can socialize based on the stress you have experienced that day.If you would like to contact Greg Fuqua, please check out his website at: www.gregfuqua.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message

If you would like to join the "mixed neurotype" support group that I co-facilitate with Jodi Carlton called "Navigating Your Neurodiverse Relationship" you can register at: https://jodicarlton.com/groups/ The cost is ONLY $25 per session and we offer 2 groups (12:30-2PM EST and 6:30-8pm EST) and they both meet on Zoom on the 1st Wednesday of each month. In addition, if you would like to order the digital version of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards ($11) or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook ($12.97) go to www.neurodiverselove.com Thank you for being part of the Neurodiverse Love community! __________________________________________________________________ During this solo episode, Mona shares some information that might be helpful for neurodiverse couples to think about before they begin traveling together: sensory overload alone time needed the importance of routine small talk and socializing with strangers planning out everything being flexible trying new adventures sitting or flying for long periods of time food preferences structured mealtimes having a sense of humor --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/message