Are We Dead Yet? The Funeral Podcast

NOT ENOUGH TIME TO WRITE DESCRIPTION CAUSE OF EARTHQUAKE BYEEEEEE --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

(REUPLOADED AND FIXED) The stuff with Brian is getting a little worse and has us concerned. MJ and I are starting to think that all of this is maybe being cause by Brian not handling the death of Dana well? I mean we all grieve in different ways. The current theory is that Brian is  devastated because he feels that with Dana gone, no one will ever be as big of a pain in his ass as Dana was, and thus a part of his life is over. This is why Brian is running all over town trying to find things to shove up his butt so that he can try to recreate SOME semblance of the pain that was in his ass in the past.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened it's even worse  than when my grandpa died...i was literally sitting in the office and i felt  like i had to fart but when i pushed i just felt straight up  liquid  coming out of my ass...i stood up and im wearing light blue pants so  everyone saw...i litrerally want to die...people were bursting out  laughing and covering their nose and i ran to the bathroom. the shit  kept coming out of my ass while i was running to the bathroom and it  leaked down my leg and i turned my head around and saw droplets on the  floor and a girl looking at me... now im hiding in the stall for the  past 15 minutes with shit all in my pants and underwear... i dont know  what to do...i am stuck in here. This is so much worse than when my  grandpa died from robbing that walgreens and disagreeing with the police about it --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Yo to the World Dana's Dead He broke Off his Rear-end What happened to his body? Ran over by some Harley's Vroom Vroom they go Vroom Vroom they go What happened to his toes? Brian shoved them up his nose Up up they went Up up they went Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

I saw Lincoln Riley at a grocery store downtown, yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken a back, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

It’s our one year anniversary special extravaganza WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. Am I really ruining someones fucking life when I have to ask for no pickles on a burger? Cause I swear to god it feels like that sometimes. I can just feel the disdain and scorn from the fast food worker the second I ask, and they never take it off, sometimes I get extra pickles. Like wtf man? I also bet you a thousand dollars the $15 dollars an hour thing wouldn’t do shit to help that. My dad wants me to buy a cow. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Ok so cards on the table, this week we phoned it in A LITTLE BIT but whatever I don’t owe anybody and explanation except Chloe she’s all that matters at this point and she can message me personally later if she’s really that concerned about. Hey how crazy is this whole Hugh Jackman being Wolverine again thing? Would you buy a sweatshirt that was just a list of all of George Floyd’s crimes? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Zǎoshang hǎo zhōngguó xiànzài wǒ yǒu BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 wǒ hěn xǐhuān BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 dànshì sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 bǐ BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 sùdù yǔ jīqíng sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 wǒ zuì xǐhuān suǒyǐ…xiànzài shì yīnyuè shíjiān zhǔnbèi 1 2 3 liǎng gè lǐbài yǐhòu sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 ×3 bùyào wàngjì bùyào cu òguò jìdé qù diànyǐngyuàn kàn sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 yīn wéi fēicháng hǎo diànyǐng dòngzuò fēicháng hǎo chàbùduō yīyàng BING CHILLING 🥶🍦zàijiàn 🥶🍦 --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Why is six afraid of seven? Because Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into that village and... oh, Jesus. The memories seldom left him, either. Sometimes he'd reminisce - even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes like nothing else. He always kept a pack of Lucky's with him. The boys are gone, now. He knows that; it's just that he forgets, sometimes. And, every now and then, the way that seven looks at him with avid concern in his eyes... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. Makes him feel like he's back there... in the jungle. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Sorry this episode is so late. We've been spending the last month trying to bail Brian out of jail for indecent exposure after he ripped his pants off in a Wendy's after freaking out over an overwhelming chigger infestation in his underwear. Unfortunately, a group of disabled children from his wife's physical therapy place was there so it turned into a whole thing. Anyway he's out now so here you go. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

We're back this week cause MJ transferred a beard from one dead guy to another. Not really, but that's what some lady from 90 Day Fiancé thinks she did. We also discuss how much hot sauce you're legally allowed to give to a child as well as Brian's penis reduction surgery.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Happy Easter home skillets! Today we discuss mostly a bird that's pissed off at it's old cage and then we rant about how gay Tom Cruise is. This is a funeral podcast.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

This week the gang talks about stuff. Like do I really have to break this down? NO ONE READS THIS ANYWAY. Straight up I can’t even get MJ and Brian to listen to the damn episodes without reminding them when they are out. So if they don’t even know WHEN THEIR OWN SHOW IS OUT what’s the likelihood that they or anyone else reads this? Slim to none, home skillet. Strike Hard. Strike Fast. NO MERCY. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

This week the gang discusses a series of unfortunate events revolving around a casket from Costco, a misplaced office chair that almost brought down the entire organization, and a poor girl who keeps getting in trouble because of certain large dark appendages. All this and more! Only here, on Are We Dead Yet. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

BACKSTREETS BACK, as are we. We all got covid like real bad well not real bad I was fine I got vaxxed but Brian didn't and he almost died so yea. So anyway for this episode Brian just randomly came by our house one afternoon and demanded we did a quick recording based off his experience at a service earlier that day. We also learn some new groundbreaking information about smokeless tobacco and its long term effects on one's health. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

It's a new year, but the same crap. Brian, Jack, and MJ discuss their latest misadventures with the illustrious Father Catholic Pants, delve into Phillip Seymour Hoffman's drug habits, and call a grocery store for some reason. Then Jack goes on a solo adventure to a pick up a body from a mansion! Shut up, Samantha. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Merry Christmas everyone! What's more Christmas-y then a Thanksgiving Special! WHAT? I'M BUSY OK? DON'T EVEN GET ON MY ASS ABOUT IT WE'VE BEEN BUSY AF. Just take what you can get even though it's late I don't wanna hear shit. But yeah it's thanksgiving (when we recorded this) and we are celebrating by complaining as usual. Then I tell a crazy story about a chicken. Man work has been a drag, but at least I got to go see the new SPIDER-MAN, it was really great. I'm so glad all the gambling and alcoholism hasn't worn too hard on Tobey Maguire he did a-maze balls. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

Hey guys, I know I'm kinda expected to write a description of the episode here or whatever but I'm just not really feeling it today. I've got a bit of a cold and just feeling a general sense of catharsis with what we are doing here. Like where is this going? Is there a point to any of this? Are Left Twix and Right Twix actually different? It's just stuff I've been thinking about, like realistically, can a blind damn monkey do better than this shit? How are you gonna mail me a sundae god damnit, cause I want it now. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

It is with esteem that I welcome our audience to what is sure to be an AWDY Podcast classic for many years to come. For today is the day in which we discuss our friend (our former friend? our foe? our friend/foe) Coco. An individual whose work place practices drove us truly cuckoo, not unlike the experience many seem to have with cocoa puffs. While she is now gone forever from our lives, her memory and our disdain for said memory, will forever live in our hearts. Also Jack reads a poem and shit. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support

This week, the funeral homies discuss some whack removals, we're introduced to the podcast A.I Carla, and we get into people who want to one up each other non-stop during a funeral service as if they're in the damn Olympics or something. Also, do you believe in agreements? We met someone who doesn't. Sent from my iPad. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arewedeadyetfuneral/support