Council of Fathers

opics Covered:The Core Tension (00:05:00 - 00:12:00)Finding the sweet spot between empowerment and entitlementTwo extremes to avoid: kids running the show vs. overly obedient/disempowered childrenThe spectrum from "too much responsibility" (scary lack of boundaries) to "no autonomy" (outsourcing will)Parenting styles: overly directive vs. overly following, with "guiding" as the middle pathModeling assertiveness vs. aggression or passivityBuilding Critical Thinking Skills (00:12:00 - 00:19:00)Preparing children for nefarious influences in the worldProviding foundation of principles vs. controlling exposureThe importance of open communication channelsCreating safe space for mistakes and "failing forward"Avoiding vilification of different beliefs/influencesRelationship as Foundation (00:19:00 - 00:27:00)Keeping the "bank account full" through positive connectionFun, play, and genuine quality timeModeling vulnerability and transparencyProactive conversations about social dynamicsSharing your own struggles and repair processesJohn Gottman's "positive sentiment override"Essential Skills for Empowerment (00:27:00 - 00:35:00)Working with difficult emotionsCultivating curiosity as an engaged postureSkepticism vs. cynicism - maintaining openness while questioningThe trap of "anti-gullibility" (thinking you're immune to manipulation)Acknowledging our human desire to be seduced/ledThe challenge of "reading the label from inside the jar"Practical Wisdom (00:35:00 - 00:41:00)Balancing self-esteem with humilitySeeking external reference points without giving away your truthDave's example of Rafi being vulnerable about needing supportSelf-compassion as strength, not avoidance of accountability

Topics Covered:Upcoming Council of Fathers offerings (8-week cohort, online workshop, and January program launch)The James Hollis quote on the three losses men experienceWhy male friendship and emotional intimacy are vital for wholenessThe cost of being disconnected from one’s inner voiceHow cultural definitions of success can hollow out a man’s soulThe antidote: connection, community, and sacred fatherhoodMentioned in This Episode:Under Saturn’s Shadow by James HollisIron John by Robert BlyCouncil of Fathers offerings and upcoming events: counciloffathers.comRegister for the upcoming workshop, Sacred Fatherhood: Healing Triggers, Breaking Cycles → programs.counciloffathers.com

Journal Prompts:And so you can sit down and think about a time that you felt disempowered and you can think about and feel into what that felt like and what was happening in that situation. You can think of a time when you felt empowered and powerful and what, what did that feel like and what was happening in that situation. And then you can also think of a time you shifted from feeling disempowered to feeling empowered and reflect on how that happened, what you did, what was done, what, you know, what, just what happened. And last, , how do you want to be as a dad in relation to power? What do you want to teach your children or child about power?Implicitly through modeling practices that you engage with in your family, and explicitly through age appropriate Conversations. And then I'll leave you guys with a little exercise, which is to find what What being empowered feels like in your body? Where do you feel it? In your chest? In your heart?In your arms? In your belly? In your head? In your legs? What does it feel like? Is it bright? Is it heavy? Is it dense? Is there somewhere where it's emanating from? And find that feeling and, and practice it and remember it and learn it and come back to it two, three, four times a day. Just take a minute. Take a deep breath and just like, feel it.And then notice, does doing that before I pick up my kids from school or before I leave my room in the morning to start the whole breakfast, lunch, dinner, , just getting to school on time routine. Does that change anything about that? Does it change anything when I get home from work and, , kind of enter into the chaos of dinner or whatnot?Just noticing, just touching into my sense of empowerment. How does that impact my day and my family and my partnership?

In this episode, we dive into something profound yet often unspoken—the journey of fathers connecting not only with each other but with something deeper, something sacred. Here Noah shares his perspective on creating a space for dads to explore connection beyond the everyday—a sacred space, if you will.Together, Noah and Dave unpack what it means to bring a sense of purpose and spirit into fatherhood, an idea that feels both challenging and refreshing in today’s fast-paced world. Noah talks about making the invisible visible, being intentional about the values that anchor his life, and how creating sacred moments can resonate within family life and community. From lighting a candle before a family meal to cultivating deeper connections in a circle of dads, this conversation invites you to consider ways of introducing both playfulness and purpose into the rhythms of family and fatherhood.If you’ve ever felt like there’s more to fatherhood than what we see on the surface, or if you’re curious about ways to elevate and ground your connections, this episode is for you.

In this episode, Noah and Dave dive into the topic of finding meaning in fatherhood. They explore how fatherhood can be more than just fulfilling day-to-day responsibilities and what it means to truly embrace the role. They discuss the challenges fathers face, the importance of being present, and how fathers can grow through the experience. It’s a deep conversation that encourages fathers to reflect on their journey, prioritize meaningful connections with their children, and find purpose in every step of the way.

Get all the information and the transcript at www.counciloffathers.comIn this candid episode we talk with Jenny Sandler, a Parent and Support Counselor and Coach, about parenting, communication, development in children, and how we grow and change as parents over the years.Learn more at wwwww.counciloffathers.comWe talk about:Exploring the relationship with anger and how it manifests in parenthoodNormalizing and welcoming anger as a feelingThe importance of repair in relationships and using anger as teaching momentsThe demonization of anger and the ambiguity surrounding its expressionThe value of community in parenting and the role of extended family and friendsEmbracing different developmental stages of children and appreciating the joys and challenges of each ageThe significance of understanding and connecting with children on a personal levelThe evolving knowledge and resources available for parents compared to previous generationsThe loneliness and confusion that can come with being a new parentThe ongoing learning and growth process in parenting and relationships

In this Episode, Dave and Noah explore our psychological shadows and unpack how our unconscious minds drive our feelings and behaviors in ways that can impede connection. They share personal examples of how the shadow impacts them. They also discuss possible interventions to uncover the shadows in order to become better partners and parents.Dave and Noah also offer insights into how we can limit how much repression happens for our children so they can express as there true and authentic selves from an earlier age.

Find all the details and full transcript at www.counciloffathers.comThis conversation revolves around the various purposes and struggles that fathers experience in their parenting journey. They discuss the importance of finding balance in fulfilling different roles and the identity of being a father. The group also emphasizes the healing and personal growth that comes from being part of a supportive community of other fathers. They share their struggles as fathers, such as feeling overwhelmed, lacking presence and quality time, and not giving themselves enough space and self-care. They also highlight the joys and confidence that arise from being part of a supportive group. The conversation concludes with a message to fathers and mothers, encouraging them to seek support and connect with others who can provide guidance and understanding in their parenting journey.

One thing that can happen on the journey to becoming a better parent are big encounters with shame and guilt when we fall short. On the flip side, do we forego accountability with self-compassion and forgiveness? With that as an introduction Dave and Noah along with Kate and Deb dive into an awesome conversation around how we find the balance and the sweet spots for growth and change without shame and guilt. Learn more at: www.counciloffathers.com

If you're in interested in the mechanics of healing triggers this episode is for you. First, Noah shares the play-by-play of his experience. Then Dave and Noah break down each step of the process to help illuminate how and why it works.We reference and article called Is Acupuncture Psychedelic Medicine?For the full transcript, more details, and to join our community go to: www.counciloffathers.com

For Full Transcript and Additional Details visit: https://www.counciloffathers.com/podcastWe all have values we base our lives on. Some of us are aware of what those values are. For some of us, thesevalues hidden, but driving our behavior nonetheless. And of course, try as we may, we don't always live up to ourvalues as much as we'd like to.As fathers, we intend to imbue our children with values they can live by. In this episode we explore what valuesare, how we discover and determine our values, and how those values can inform our parenting.As always, we'd love to hear what you think!

In this episode, Dave and Noah discuss and unpack parent guilt. The conversation meanders into childhood guilt and how to avoid using guilt and shame as tools for discipline (and why). We explore what guilt is, why it's there, how to liberate yourself from the guilt cycle and improve your relationships with your children and family members.Get the detailed notes and transcript at: www.counciloffathers.com

In this episode we interview Tim Hare, nature and adventure guide about Left to Wonder (https://lefttowonder.org), a community initiative to bring the wonder of nature to children and their parents. Check out Tim's upcoming Arete expedition for dads, a 4 day back pack trip up into the mountains and down into the soul.

This episode tackles a big topic - soul. Noah and Dave discuss how fathers can live authentic, soulful, lives that in turn foster this ineffable essence in our children as they navigate the pressures of conformity. They provide specific practices that are helpful for the soul’s journey. Warning - there is a short but controversial discussion in this podcast about the origins of the Toothfairy that may not be appropriate for children.Resources mentioned:Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche by Bill PlotkinThe Prophet by Kahlil GibranDon’t Stop Believin’ by Journeyhttps://www.livingandworkingonpurpose.com/ - Dave’s psychotherapy websitehttps://www.heartseedhealth.com/ - Noah’s acupuncture and coaching website

Jeff and Paige have mastered the art of enjoyable, entertaining, and educational music which focuses primarily on nature and ecology. This conversation roams through the forests of fatherhood and touches on all sorts of themes related to all of the above topics.

In this episodes we discuss the final 3 Principles for Fatherhood. Learn more at www.counciloffathers.com

Go to www.counciloffathers.com to get the full transcript and join the community.

Full transcript available at: www.counciloffathers.com/podcast

Learn more at www.counciloffathers.comIn this episode we introduce the idea of Principles for Fatherhood and share the first three principles.The first three principles are:Start with the man in the mirrorIt’s not about what you think its about.Control is the opposite of Connection For a deeper exploration… listen to the podcast episode and please share your thoughts with us!

Discover more at: https://www.counciloffathers.com/podcastIn this episode we cover the basics:- What is the Council of Fathers?- How and why we started running men’s groups for fathers.- Why we’re starting a podcastYou’ll also start to get to know us a little bit. We share some personal stories.