Penny Men

Revenge? Return? The Jedi Finale and the Bear That Eats You!The Penny Men have reached the end of the original trilogy, and boy, does this one have everything:Luke Skywalker pulling the old “But what if I can redeem him?” moveObi-Wan serving half-truths and Force ghosts in equal measureTeddy bears winning a war with sticks, logs, and sheer audacityVader’s big redemption arc (and his big egg head reveal)John Williams flexing harder than a Wookiee on Life Day!We cover the good, the goofy, and the galaxy-sized stakes:Why the title changed from Revenge of the Jedi to Return of the JediHow many Bothans really died for this plotEwok traps vs. Imperial tech (and who wins in a fair fight)Luke vs. Vader: the ultimate dad issues showdownThe Emperor’s new lightning trickAnd that ending: fires, fireworks, and Force ghosts!All that plus tangents about: WillowWeird X-Men triviaTarzan-y ChewbaccaAnd a very strong case for Ewok cannibalism! (Write in: Is it cannibalism if they eat stormtroopers?)Grab your medals, bang on some stormtrooper helmets, and join us for the galaxy’s most yub-nub-tastic party!

Welcome back to the galaxy that’s not so far, far away—because it’s happening right now on The Penny Men Podcast! This week, Greg, Ben, and Tom wrap up the Original Trilogy with Return of the Jedi (or should we say Revenge?)! We dive into everything: Jabba’s endless party of pig guardsBlue elephant bandsChains strong enough to strangle a slugLuke’s suspiciously dark new tricksAnd whether Lando is actually doing anything besides accessorizing!Expect tangents as always:What’s the deal with Waldo from the MuppetVision 3D show?Who is Jodo Kast and why is he stealing Boba Fett’s clout?Why were 1980s Marvel comics packed with psychic rabbits, orange fish boys, and porcupine Jedi?And which Looney Tunes crossover would you greenlight first—Skate Jam, Spy Jam, or Punk Jam?Plus, a heartfelt farewell to the greatest puppet death scene of all time! Bring your grappling hook, your Max Rebo playlist, and maybe a rankor snack—because we’re going out to Jabba’s barge in style!

Somehow, The Penny Men returned… to talk about the one Star War that changed everything: The Empire Strikes Back!This week, we go deep—like “Wampa cave-deep”—into the greatest sequel of all time and all the weirdness orbiting it!We’re talking:The Twist Heard ‘Round the Galaxy – How Vader broke Luke’s heart, why the line on set was way different, and which actors were actually told the truth!Empire’s Cliffhanger Chaos – Did George Lucas invent the post-credits sting without even knowing it?Marvel’s Star Wars Comics Gone Wild – Pink-haired Leia rivals! Extra Han Solo knockoffs! Darth Vader’s secret glove backstory!The Shadows of the Empire Hype Machine – A video game, a novel, a toy line… but no movie? (Spoiler: we all owned the Dash Rendar action figure!)Toy Marketing that Brainwashed Us – Kenner’s plastic empire, Lando’s questionable cape fashion, and why your parents still resent the words “Power of the Force!”Expanded Universe Fever Dreams – Han Solo’s smuggling prequels, Lando’s casino adventures, and a planet-sized dose of 80s pulp!Why Return of the Jedi Might Secretly Be the Best – Ewoks vs. Murder Bears, and how Luke almost joined the Dark Side!Bonus Round: RoboCop 3’s Robot Ninjas – We explain why this was both amazing and terrible, and why a jetpack doesn’t always save a franchise!All that, plus: OSHA violations in Cloud CityThe ethics of carbon-freezing your friendsAnd how many dismembered limbs is too many for a family saga!

The Penny Men dive headfirst into the galaxy far, far away—again! This time, Greg, Tom, and Ben chart the weird, wild gap between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back! Ever wonder what happened between blowing up the Death Star and Luke freezing his face off on Hoth? Marvel comics, green space rabbits, bizarre British stories (some by Alan Moore?!), and a Life Day celebration you’ll never forget—or forgive!We cover:The Star Wars Holiday Special in all its two-hour glory (Bea Arthur! Boba Fett! Erotic grandpa VR?!)The Christmas album with songs like What Do You Get a Wookiee for Christmas When He Already Owns a Comb?And Splinter of the Mind’s Eye—the book that almost became the sequel!Then it’s on to Empire Strikes Back: Probe droidsWampasForce pullsTow cablesYoda’s grammar lessonsAsteroid wormsAnd the greatest twist in movie history (even if you already know it)!Plus, Greg explains why skeleton warriors made him quit cartoons, Tom defends Bea Arthur’s place in the Star Wars canon, and Greg does his best impression of the song “R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas!” Spoiler: it’s wonderful!

The Penny Men blast off for a Star Wars: A New Hope breakdown… and promptly crash into a pile of weird trivia, bad action figures, and an uncomfortable amount of Jar Jar content!Highlights include:Why Biggs Darklighter is the best character who never matteredThe tragedy of Porkins (and his cursed name)Chewbacca’s medal snub: speciesism or simple oversight?Deleted scenes you didn’t know existed (Luke had friends??)Special Editions: who asked for more dewbacks?That horrifying Jar Jar Binks candy with the sticky tongueLEGO Star Wars specials, Ewok cartoons, and a brief flirtation with SpaceballsThe best and worst Star Wars deaths (hint: RIP Greedo’s dignity)!Come for the commentary, stay for the chaos! Punch it, Chewie!🎧 Listen now wherever you get your podcasts!

Welcome back to The Penny Men, the podcast that never actually starts, it just keeps testing! This week we promise we’re talking about Star Wars… but first we have to talk about:French NikesSegwaysGeorge W. Bush falling off a SegwayJ.R.R. Tolkien’s middle initialsJennifer Coolidge RowlingThe Notorious B.F.G.A Spielberg fever dreamBen’s cat committing acts of warGem and the Holograms action figuresFlea marketsAnd the philosophical definition of “whiny!” Somewhere in there, we actually watch Star Wars: A New Hope in release order and try to explain the plot from memory, which means you’ll hear hot takes like:R2-D2 is both the smartest and dumbest robot ever made!Tusken Raiders: masks or faces? (We don’t know either!)Obi-Wan’s greatest Jedi skill is lying from a certain point of view!Why George Lucas is basically Quentin Tarantino if he only stole from things your grandparents saw at the movies!And why Star Wars toys are the only true way to measure childhood happiness!It’s a thousand-hour conversation with three old friends (currently at hour 78), but don’t worry—we’ll make it to episode 1,000, even if we have to whiz-pop-whiz-bang our way there!

You Can’t Have These Comics – From Paul Blart to Pep ComicsPaul Blart Mall Cop! Ralph Snart! Henry Winkler! Escalators vs. Elevators! Toy penguins climbing fake mountains! The Fonz jumps sharks, wrestles in The One and Only, and somehow we end up at You Can’t Have These Comics! Independent blob demons (Yets!)X-Men “Negative One” month (Thunderbird, Warpath, Rachel Summers, Bolivar Trask’s mutant son)Transformers’ worst bot ever — Ballpoint the evil pen — and why every villain lineup needs a Sharkticon!Plus: Brak CDs“The Hootily Hoo” Milo & Otis underwear swapsGrape Ape standardsLobster butter autographsArchie’s endless spinoff multiverse (Pureheart, Hot Dog, Jughead’s Time Police, Archie vs. Predator)Pep Comics jungle cosplayHarvey Comics roll callMonkees style hijinksSonic/Sabrina crossovers Riverdale cave-peopleAnd Atari Force mini-comics!It’s a full-stack platter of mall cops, mutant cops, talking animals, sentient office supplies, and comics you definitely can’t have!

The Penny Men are back with another title-only movie pitch, and this week it’s the mysteriously ominous “The Last Return!” Nobody knows what it means, but that’s never stopped us before!In this episode you’ll get:At least three completely different movies with the same name!One tragic revenge saga, one unhinged noir fever dream, and one… well, let’s just say Tom brought something weird to the table!A heartfelt goodbye to Blockbuster (or possibly a lawsuit waiting to happen)!Too many theories about VHS tapes for a 2025 podcast!The phrase “time-traveling librarian” used in a sentence like it’s normal!A reminder that we really should not be allowed near Hollywood!So is The Last Return a gritty reboot, a cosmic finale, or just what happens when you forget to rewind your rental? Tune in to find out!

The Penny Men are back, and this time they’re armed with nothing but a title: The Last Return! That’s it! No notes, no outlines, no budget — just three guys and a microphone trying to spin cinematic gold out of a vague, Blockbuster-sounding phrase!Gregory pitches a Mad Max–by-way-of-the-library epic, where one man must carry the most overdue book in history across a wasteland of burnt trees, weird McDonaldland warlords, and Christopher Lloyd’s gang of Foot Clan rejects!Will the library accept the last return? Or will Judge Doom himself burn the Dewey Decimal System to the ground?Then Ben takes it to space — literally! His version is an intergalactic city-station where the last contact with Earth happened a century ago, known only as “the last return!” Pirates, refugees, and descendants of every Earth nation live in a drifting New York–sized station, trying to survive without governments, supplies, or alien attacks (that never showed up in the first place)!Tom… may or may not have a pitch! But he’s got a notepad, a few sarcastic asides, and an encyclopedic knowledge of movies the other two keep accidentally plagiarizing!Along the way:Is this secretly a PageMaster sequel?Why does every apocalypse come with French fry armor?Can we cast every Christopher? (Lloyd, Walken, Pine, Evans, Pratt, Hemsworth, Columbus?)And would Wishbone still be able to read after the end of civilization?It’s the ultimate crossover of post-apocalyptic trash heaps and space-station politics! Grab your overdue fines and strap in — it’s The Last Return!

Saturday mornings were a lawless frontier! If it existed, it had a cartoon! Sneakers, cereal, California raisins — heck, even Chuck Norris had his own animated kids’ show, and the man barely needed dialogue in real life! This week, the Penny Men dig into that strange golden age and rediscover the forgotten relic known as Laser Tag Academy (1986), a series so committed to selling you a toy gun that it casually rewrote all of human history!Naturally, this leads the boys down a rabbit hole of “was that real or just a dream I had at 3 a.m. after too much chocolate milk?” Did MC Hammer really fight crime with magic shoes (Hammerman, yes)? Did Damon Wayans really make a cartoon about himself (Waynehead, yes)? Did Rubik the Amazing Cube actually exist (tragically, yes)? And why didn’t Hammer Pants get their own spin-off series where the pants themselves solved mysteries?From there, it’s only a short leap to building out a new contender in the Hookshot & Brickman universe: Laser Tag Guy!Is he:A mall cop dropout who insists the plastic blasters are “set to kill”?A time-traveling vigilante who blacks out every time the strobe lights kick in?A desperate birthday party entertainer who thinks Chuck E. Cheese is a worthy nemesis?Or all of the above, but with an expired Pizza Hut coupon as his calling card?By the end, one thing is clear: the line between real Saturday morning nostalgia and collective hallucination is extremely thin, and the Penny Men are determined to cross it, laser vests glowing in the dark!

The Penny Men take a swing at world-building with the launch of their own comic universe: Hookshot & Brickman!What starts as two goofball heroes quickly spirals into a full-blown rogues’ gallery, supporting cast, love interests, and crossover event potential! Along the way, Gregory, Ben, and Tom debate:The logistics of a grappling hook gimmickWhether a guy made of bricks is intimidating or just masonry cosplayAnd how many catchphrases one superhero is legally allowed to have!From tragic backstories to Saturday-morning-cartoon vibes, the gang designs a superhero line that would either dominate the 90s toy aisle or get cancelled after two issues!

This week on The Penny Men, we dive headfirst into the wild spectrum of superhero storytelling—starting with the corniest of corners: a Super Friends-style team-up! We’re talking:One-note heroesInternational diversity And powers that make zero sense but look great in a coloring book!Then, we slam the tone dial all the way down to gritty reboot territory, where the same characters are reimagined as brooding vigilantes with deep scars, moral compromises, and citywide conspiracy boards!It’s spandex vs. leather, catchphrases vs. trauma arcs, and the eternal question: which version do we secretly want to watch more?

Hookshot’s rolling through town on skates with a grappling hook and brass knuckles, while Yo-Yo the Moon Monkey bounces in with his moon boots and trusty yo-yo! The Shabby Cabbie pulls up as a part-time ally, and the chalkboard-screeching Disciplinarian keeps everyone in line!But looming over them all is Hookshot’s Superman-type brother, flawless in every way except for a strange weakness to imitation leather! And in the shadows, The Butler quietly runs crime through fake rehabilitation charities, serving as a meek servant by day and a mastermind by night!It’s a lineup of oddball heroes, bitter rivalries, and one very sinister butler!

The Penny Men boot up their Commodore 64-bit Draft Lineup for episode seventy — which, naturally, means derailing into Sean shout-outs, ocean water hygiene debates, SpongeBob references, and whether Ween belongs in Crazy Taxi! Gregory pitches Batman water-skiing, Ben accidentally rebrands the Justice League, and Tom tries to list Pixar movies but keeps getting sidetracked by Dick Tracy villains (Big Boy, Mumbles, Pruneface, Flattop, and yes, Littleface)! Somehow, The Princess Bride makes it in:Abridged booksMissing chaptersThe true identity of the Dread Pirate RobertsAnd why this fairy-tale parody is Shrek’s more literate cousin! Meanwhile, the tangents are relentless: The Roger Corman Fantastic FourSmash Mouth vs. the Butthole SurfersKingdom Hearts theme lyricsBands with intentionally misspelled animal names (Lynyrd Skynyrd, Chikn Biskit, Def Leppard)And the still-unexplained “Girlver Slurfer”!All that, plus:The official hierarchy of swords (rapier, cutlass, “that one from Final Fantasy”)Worst superpowers to get from a vending machineHow to fight a Rodent of Unusual Size with only a breadstickAnd which member of The Commodores could beat André the Giant in arm wrestling (spoiler: none)!To the list, to the zinger, to the pain!

We didn’t want to say the funny number, so we flipped it upside down and called it 64! That spiraled into:Commodore 64 nostalgia (the games, the loading screens, the beige plastic smell)Oregon Trail dysentery trauma (plus: cholera, snakebites, broken wagon axles, and a suspicious number of “you have died” screens)Sled dogs with broken legs (and whether oxen can row if you shout at them through a megaphone)From there, we take a long detour into the pixelated backroads of:RollerCoaster Tycoon (and the ethics of $25 bathrooms)Sid Meier’s Pirates! (the only game where you can dance, duel, and get scurvy in the same afternoon)Zoombinis (featuring the allergy wall, the pizza troll, and that smug little “yep, we solved it” walk)Secret of Monkey Island — including:the spitting contest,the rhyming insult sword fights,monkey kung fu,and the coffin salesman you can literally trap in a coffin (he’s fine)We debate whether Guybrush Threepwood is immortal, whether the three-headed monkey is real, and whether Carmen Sandiego is secretly just a geography tutor with bad PR!Also featuring:“It’s not your turn, my friend” frog (the original rage quit)Dabney Coleman’s extended video game universeLode Runner monksAnd the eternal question: Did Hot Tub Time Machine rip off Rescue the Scientist… or was it the other way around?Zinger count for this episode: at least 12, depending on whether you count “scurvy jokes” as zingers!

Welcome back to the 64-Bit Podcast, where the film reels are melted, the facts are suspect, and the Saturday mornings never ended!It’s part two of our deep dive into non-Disney animation, and things are getting even weirder! We’re plumbing the bargain bins of memory for every knockoff, fever dream, and forgotten toon that never quite cracked the vault!This time, the Penny Men and friends wade through psychedelic fairy tales, European oddities, and a parade of cartoons that feel legally inadvisable! We’ve got rotoscoped freak-outs and communist gnomes!Is this media archaeology or a sleepover hallucination? Yes!We hit:The other Yellow SubmarineCzech claymation war crimesThe Fievel Cinematic UniverseThat time Garfield went full horrorAnd the greatest cartoon villain you’ve never heard ofPlus:Live-action elvesAnimated Bela LugosiNo Anastasia discourse200% more BakshiBlow the dust off your bootleg DVDs and join us for another trip through animation’s forgotten fringes! You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll ask, “Wait, who let this go to air?”🎞️ Featuring:More obscure toons than a LaserDisc collector could handleHot takes from three unpaid animation professorsAnd a whole lotta goblin energyRoll tape! Hit play! Get re-booted!

Welcome back to the 64-Bit Podcast, where the facts are fuzzy, the cartoons are forgotten, and the nostalgia spirals out of control!We’re neck-deep in non-Disney animation this hour, wading through forgotten features, rotoscoped nightmares, and flea-bitten flops! From Mr. Bug Goes to Town to Rock-a-Doodle, from Ferngully to Wizards, the Penny Men and co. dust off the animated underdogs and ask: “Was this real, or did we dream it on beta tape?”In this cinematic safari, we talk Rumpus McFowl-level deep cuts like Pinocchio in Outer Space, uncover cursed Hanna-Barbera disco tapestries (Galaxy Goof-Ups, anyone?), and revisit the glitchy grandeur of Bakshi rotoscope epics!Bonus: we solve Goofy’s genealogy! Kind of!Also featuring: A space cowboy fart musicalThree Bugs Bunnies0% Space Jam 2 forgiveness100% Wally Wood loreAnd Goof Troop canon chaos!History? Art? Therapy session? All of the above!Grab your VHS tape, rewind the CRT, and settle in for the definitive guide to everything not made by Walt!🎬 Featuring:3 cartoon historians30+ obscure filmsInfinite tangentsListen! Watch! Get Bluth’d!

Welcome back to Name That Duck, where the feathers fly and the facts get foggy! It's hour two of the greatest duck-based quiz show in podcast history! We're talking McDucks, Coots, Quackleys, Gearlooses, and more—fifty ducks deep and counting!In this installment, we barrel through DuckTales deep cuts, European comic canon, and questionable family trees! Did you know Scrooge has a cousin named Rumpus McFowl? We didn’t either, until now! From Magica Dispel’s crow-brother Poe to Darkwing Duck’s shadowy nemesis Negaduck, it’s all here!Bonus: a visual quiz—so if you're listening on a platform that supports video, switch to watch mode! You won’t want to miss the visual clues and chaos.Duck fatigue? Never heard of it!Most listened-to duck episode? We're calling it!Missed Simon McDuck? We didn’t!🦆 Featuring:100 ducks4 exhausted hosts0 apologiesListen! Watch! Quack!

Welcome to the pond, pals! It's the debut of Name That Duck! Tom hosts a quiz that’s less about right answers and more about unearthing forgotten lore, as Greg, John, and Ben scramble to remember who’s a McDuck, who’s a Coot, and who just honks! From Grandma Elvira to Sir Quackly, from Gladstone's ridiculous luck to Daisy’s questionable relationship status — it's all on the table! We also pay tribute to Carl Barks and Don Rosa, the true architects of Duckburg history! Did we mention interdimensional nephews?This first hour covers the early canon: Scrooge’s medieval ancestors, Donald’s confusing cousins, and all the forgotten relatives who appeared once and never came back! Is that Donna Duck on a unicycle? Did Grandma Duck marry a guy named Humperdink? Who gave Donald a pet falcon and why?We attempt to answer these questions with 50% certainty and 100% confidence!Bonus: We name multiple ducks that may or may not have been Donald in disguise! You decide!

Before there was duck lore, there was duck confusion! Welcome to Hour Zero — the unhinged prelude to the greatest avian quiz show in podcast history! The mics are hot, the rules are unclear, and the title is still up for debate!In this episode, we set the stage with some light bickering, a lot of shouting, and one host desperately trying to maintain order! Is this a game? A bracket? A Disney deep dive? Who can say!No ducks are named, but a lot of names are dropped! Expect heated debates about what counts as a "duck", who's wearing pants, and how many Goofys is too many Goofys!🦆 Featuring:pre-game chaosunsanctioned duck triviaat least three failed cold opensThis is Hour Zero! The quiz hasn’t even started! The nonsense is already in full flight!