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I WOKE UP THIS GAY
-A podcast by Stuart Merrill, LGBTQ+ rights activist, lobbyist and public speaker on diversity.
The miracle of diversity we devoted our lives to create is under threat.
In "I WOKE UP THIS GAY" I recall our LGBTQ+ history and my 50+ years of experiences as an out gay man, activist, advocate and lobbyist. During that time I worked for various U.S. intelligence agencies, various news organizations and eventually as a professional LGBTQ+ rights lobbyist.
I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:
https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
I've lived and worked as an openly gay man in 6 countries including the USA, the Soviet Union, Germany and South Africa. I have also traveled and worked in 50+ countries.
Born into a prominent Mormon family in 1960, my gay journey began at the age of 12 when our Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life, including my older brother and Scout Master, to beat the queer out of me. The violence continued for the rest of my childhood. (Episodes 2, 4, 8, 9, 10, 14, 15 & 19)
Primarily raised by my Russian mother speaking Russian, German & English. (See episodes 2, 3, 4 & 10), I was recruited out of high school to work for United States intelligence agencies and became the first American allowed to keep my top secret security clearance after coming out as a gay man. (Episode 3).
I came of age during the LGBTQ+ rights movement and the AIDS epidemic in North America, Eastern and Western Europe. (Episodes 2, 5, 7, 14 & 15).
I returned to Utah as an adult and founded an LGBTQ+ rights advocacy organization. We successfully lobbied to increase state and federal funding for HIV medication, hate crimes legislation and LGBTQ+ rights bills. (Episodes 21, 22, 23, 24 & 25).
While living in Moscow my boyfriend became the hero of the 1991 revolution that ended Communism in Russia. Two days later he was arrested, tortured and murdered by the KGB for being a prominent gay activist (Episode 1).
I watched a man beaten to death by gay bashers in New York City while the armed policeman standing right next to me refused to stop it, or even take my witness statement (Episode 8).
By the age of 30 most of my friends were dead, or dying from AIDS. When my best friend Stevie was dying of pneumonia his nurses were not allowed to give him oxygen because he had AIDS. That's when I vowed to become an activist. (Episode 5).
The best way to fight the recent upsurge in anti LGBTQ+ legislation, rhetoric and violence is to tell our stories. We must remind people what it was like when we were the focus of America's hatred, discrimination and violence.
My name is Stuart Merrill
And
I Woke Up This Gay!
48 Episodes
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During those nightmare years at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I started to notice a pattern. It wasn’t a pattern of sickness or death—it was a pattern of survival, even of quality of life.Every person I knew with AIDS who somehow lived two, three, sometimes five years longer than expected had one thing in common: their attitude. Their approach to life—and to living with AIDS— was relentlessly positive. At times it seemed irrational, even illogical, but it was undeniably real.In this episode, I share how I first learned, then lost, and ultimately relearned a positive approach to my health. After 25 years of severe HIV-related illness, I have my life back—and I owe it all to a positive attitude.OSWC Community Care Backpack fundraiser:https://open.spotify.com/episode/1upkCZK8VW0tPykQJ3CW6O?si=vxm5FXNNR8OF_0DpzBCM-Q&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A49MR9Y0b7qTSbP9tEzmhIW
In this episode I recall how the members of the LGBTQ+ community tried to prevent me from saving the lives of gay men with AIDS, how we finally got federal legislation to pay for HIV medication as well as how and why i finally left Utah for good.
This is a very humorous story of how I strongarmed the Utah State Legislature into paying for HIV/AIDS medication during the intensely homophobic Bush years. Even though all my friends in the Democratic minority made it clear to me that I had a snowball's chance of hell of succeeding.I wasn't so sure my goals were quite that unattainable. I had one very powerful tool most democratic politicians in Utah did not possess, NEPOTISM!
When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things. She taught me life wasn't about conformity. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am. Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.
Most westerners think the end of Communism was the end of the story, but it wasn't, not for me, not for the Russians I loved and I left behind.
This episode is about the perils and pleasures of being gay in the Soviet Union and post communist Russia, the necessity of dealing with the KGB, particularly as a gay man, and the day to day realities of survival in the violent chaos that was Russia at that time.
This story is about that frazzled time in Russia after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the murders of my family, my boyfriend and my best friend. I realized it was finally time for me to leave Moscow defeated and alone. I finally understood the only way to honor the Russians I loved, both living and dead, was to leave them behind. Someone had to live the happy, contented life they could only ever dream of.
In this episode I compare Trumps successful tactics to Hitler during his early years as Chancellor of Germany.
I know Nazi history quite well. I speak German and lived in Germany for several years. The parallels between Hitler's first few years as Chancellor of Germany and Trump today are stunning and terrifying. I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948What I'm most scared of is that time when one system of government starts to crumble and before the next system of government is fully in place to replace it. It's during the in-between time when liberals and minorities start getting arrested and then disappear, economies collapse, hyperinflation ensues, your life savings and your parents' retirement become worthless. There are homeless and starving people everywhere, chaos and violence become the norm.I lived in Moscow during the collapse of the Soviet Union and watched the rise of the totalitarian regime that replaced communism and became today's Russia. My best friend and my boyfriend were both murdered in that in-between time. That's what I'm most scared of. I would have been among the first arrested in Nazi Germany. I'm a politically active liberal of Slavic descent. I'm terrified that my transgender friends and I are near the top of Trump's list as well.
Trump arrested twice as many people in his first 8 months as Hitler in his first 2 years (based on White House stats). Over 65% of them have zero criminal record (based on Cato Institute stats). They were arrested because of the color of their skin (based on fact).This is what I told the right wing YouTube journalist, Nick Shirley, when he interviewed me at a peaceful Portland rally where we were demonstrating against the military occupation of placid Portland. Of course he edited out the truth, the facts and made me look like an idiot. His skillfully edited video made it look like Portland truly is a war zone, populated by crazy old eccentric fags and transvestites. I'm very proud to say the second half of that statement is wonderfully true. Of course you youngins are such savvy media consumers. You didn't fall for it. I've been getting attaboy's and fist bumps from perfect strangers all week long. So, I made my own YouTube video, a long and short version. Find links to both below along with a link to Nick Shirley's video.Short:https://youtube.com/shorts/gxNREvEmN34?si=pjtmS-d1wylO_XGfLong:https://youtu.be/yUwQfC3kzfI?si=2WAnFxxxsDRmwohtNick Shirley:https://youtu.be/RKBvEKvDYIg?si=4VM2mJVRyy7HCnULI need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
What was it like coming out as gay during the Reagan years and at the very beginning of the AIDS crisis? It was frightening. Anti-gay violence was rampant and getting worse. Most of society, even our president only ever mentioned us in jokes. The men we loved were dying in droves. We were constantly harassed, fired, even murdered and no one seemed to care.Instead of hiding we followed the teachings of Harvey Milk and America's great civil rights heroes. We came out loud and proud. Why?I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
In this episode my fury, transgender friend Ali tells us about her move to Portland and her decision to transition. With honesty and openness she courageously gives us an enlightened understanding of what it's like being transgender in today's America.I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
My furry friend Ali Wolf tells us about her personal journey as a transgender woman. Ali is by nature a very private person, however, in this interview she courageously opens a window to her soul. Ali discusses her struggles with body and gender dysphoria and how she decided to transition to her true and authentic self.I am so very grateful to Ali for all she has taught me. If you want to better understand the trans experience this and the following episode are without a doubt can't miss podcasts. I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948")TODAY WE ARE ALL AMERICANS" Abraham LincolnCelebrate the true, wonderfully diverse America I love and am so proud to be a part of.
LIVE from Gilead, our new Trumptastic American dystopia. Where chaos reigns and Fox New still complains.This is my humorous take on Trump and his MAGAmaniacs at the 100 day mark of Trump's presidency. Most importantly, the demonstrations are working. So, let's keep it up.I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948We got this if we continue to REACH OUT to each other, SPEAK OUT FOR each and work together as a community to help ourselves and all Trump's other victims.We're QUEER. We've survived much worse than this. We always come out the other side even more fierce and fabulous than before.Queers always win by making the world a better, kinder, safer place not just for ourselves, for everyone. That's just what we do. That's who we are. See you at the demonstration bitch!
In this episode I ask the question how do we respond to this frightening wave of transphobia mania? Many of the people who most passionately oppose our transgender community do so out of ignorance. I explain the origin of many of the most dangerous misconceptions about the trans experience and counter these misconceptions with truth and facts.Lets give the people of my adopted home, Portland Oregon, an opportunity stand up and speak out for our trans, nonbinary and drag community now when they need us most. I ask my listeners to help me organize a celebration of colorful lights, support and love for our magnificent transgender, nonbinary and drag communities.I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948
This is the second half of a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man. I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents' and/or family's support: "Family doesn't end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don't have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you're not respected, or safe. You need to put yourself first. You don't need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that's their problem, not yours.'
I have a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle in this episode. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man. I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents' and/or family's support: "Family doesn't end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don't have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you're not respected, or safe. You need to put yourself first. You don't need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that's their problem, not yours.'Please check out Episode 28 the second half of Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari.
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