It's Not That Deep

In this episode, we explore how much enjoyment we miss if we are only focused on the end product. It is so important to focus on the process rather than the end result in various aspects of life as there is so much pleasure to be got from the journey! We discuss how mindfulness and engagement in activities can enhance enjoyment and fulfilment, emphasising the need to be present and savour each moment.Our conversation also touches on the significance of experiential learning and the joy found in mundane experiences, ultimately advocating for a shift in perspective towards appreciating the journey of life.TakeawaysWe often rush through life, focusing on the end result.Enjoying the process can lead to greater fulfilment.Mindfulness enhances our engagement in activities.Striving for perfection can detract from enjoyment.Being present allows us to savour experiences.Life's joy can be found in mundane moments.Experiential learning is more valuable than outcomes.Grief reflects the love we had for someone.We should not define ourselves by our achievements.Life happens in the present, not in future expectations.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we delve into the complexities of communication, particularly focusing on why people often fail to express their true thoughts and feelings. We explore various reasons for this behaviour, such as the fear of upsetting others or the desire to be liked. Our conversation highlights the tension between honesty and kindness, emphasizing that while it’s important to be truthful, it’s equally crucial to consider the feelings of others. We discuss the challenges of navigating these conversations, especially in personal relationships, and the importance of finding a balance between being clear and being considerate.We also touch on the concept of 'mind reading' in relationships, where individuals expect their partners or friends to understand their feelings without explicit communication. we stress the significance of clarity in communication and the need for practice in having difficult conversations. As usual, we conclude with practical advice on how to approach these discussions, including the importance of timing and the potential benefits of being honest while remaining kind.TakeawaysWe often avoid saying what we mean due to fear of upsetting others.Finding a balance between honesty and kindness is crucial.Mind reading in relationships can lead to misunderstandings.Clear communication can prevent unnecessary conflict.Practicing assertiveness in small matters can build confidence for bigger conversations.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we explore the tendency we all have to perceive situations in black and white terms, often overlooking the nuanced middle ground. This is a natural process, our brains are hard-wired to keep us safe and a part of that is to categorise things as safe or unsafe.  We discuss how this thinking can lead to unrealistic expectations, particularly in relationships and personal experiences, and how we can work to pull ourselves back to the messy middle. Our conversation emphasises the importance of emotional regulation, effective communication, and the need to lower expectations to find balance, ease and happiness in life.TakeawaysWe have a tendency to see things in extremes.Our brains categorise experiences to keep us safe.Judgment stems from a need for survival.Catastrophising can ruin otherwise good days.Expectations can lead to disappointment during holidays.Communication is key in relationships.Self-care is not selfish; it's necessary.Emotional regulation helps in avoiding black and white thinking.Finding the middle ground is essential for happiness.Lowering expectations can lead to greater satisfaction.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we explore the complexities of feeling grown up, whether we feel different than we did when we were younger, the impact of our inner child, and the cultural perceptions of ageing, particularly for women.  We discuss the challenges of defining ourselves beyond societal labels, the responsibilities of adulthood, and the generational differences in perceptions of growing up. We also emphasise the importance of embracing eccentricities and finding joy in ageing while navigating the messinesses of grown-up life.TakeawaysMany people feel they haven't changed much since their twenties.The inner child often feels neglected in adulthood.Cultural expectations can pressure women regarding ageing.Ageing is often associated with loss of freedom and increased responsibility.Generational differences affect perceptions of adulthood.Maintaining friendships across generations can help to blur age boundaries.Embracing eccentricities can lead to a more fulfilling life.Defining oneself beyond societal roles is challenging but necessary.The fear of ageing often stems from societal pressures.Finding joy in ageing requires a shift in perspective.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this conversation, we explore the theme of why we often believe our way of thinking is superior to others'. We discuss everyday examples of perceived efficiency, the comfort of familiarity, and the challenges of accepting different perspectives.We are always changing, evolving our beliefs, thoughts and the way in which we do things and engage with the world and other people. And can we allow that we therefore might change our minds completely on something, and can that be okay.This conversation emphasises the importance of flexibility in our beliefs and the value of learning from others, especially younger generations. We also touch on the role of science in shaping our opinions and the necessity of being open to new information.Takeaways:We often believe our way is the best way.Everyday examples highlight our perceptions of efficiency.Understanding different perspectives can enhance relationships.Familiarity provides comfort but can hinder growth.Change can be uncomfortable but is necessary for learning.Flexibility in beliefs allows for personal growth.Younger generations can teach us valuable lessons.Science evolves, and so should our beliefs.Being open and curious fosters better communication.Navigating relationships requires understanding and acceptance.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explored why it seems so much easier to find a solution to other peoples problems that it is our own. We discuss the importance of self-compassion and mindfulness and getting a bigger picture perspective, particularly in challenging situations. We reflected on the tendency we have to hold ourselves to a much higher standard than we do for others, that we are less likely to show ourselves understanding and compassion.We emphasised the need to reflect on the advice we would give to others, particularly those we love, and apply it to ourselves. We talked about giving ourselves a moment of stillness and presence rather than seeking immediate solutions. Trust that self-support and solutions will emerge from a soothed system, rather than the hard time we give ourselves when we are in fight or flight mode!TakeawaysCan we think about what advice would we give to others we care about?Can we apply that advice to ourselves.In difficult times, we often need compassion, not solutions.Taking a moment to breathe can be beneficial.Mindfulness helps us to just be in the moment.It's important to reflect on our feelings.We often bombard ourselves with solutions when we need support.Self-compassion is crucial during tough times.Being present can help alleviate stress.We should treat ourselves with the same kindness we offer others.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore why we view some emotions as negative. It is natural to categorise our feelings as good or bad; wrong or right. The negative ones we experience feel unpleasant and so we have a tendency to push them away.We consider the importance of facing these emotions and starting to see them as unpleasant rather than bad or negative. All our feelings are data or information about our current state, so it can be helpful to develop a curiosity about them and what they are telling us about ourselves. We emphasise the need to manage difficult emotions rather than suppressing them, highlighting the impact of avoidance on mental health.Takeaways:When faced with unpleasant emotions, we often seek distractions.Substance abuse and busyness can be unhealthy coping mechanisms.Avoiding difficult emotions can lead to negative consequences.It's important to face and manage our emotions directly.Suppressing feelings can result in them resurfacing later.Healthy emotional management is crucial for mental well-being.Understanding our emotional responses can lead to better coping strategies.Emotional tolerance is a skill that can be developed.Facing emotions can lead to personal growth and resilience.Support systems can aid in managing difficult feelings.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we explore the reasons behind why individuals replay past events and the patterns of behaviour that emerge from these experiences. We discuss the impact of fixed identities, sedimented beliefs, the weight of regret and shame, and the importance of self-compassion in navigating these feelings. The conversation emphasises the need for understanding our decision-making processes and the illusion of right choices, while also highlighting the significance of seeking help and support when feeling overwhelmed. We hope that this discussion provides insights into breaking the cycle of overthinking and fostering personal growth.TakeawaysWe often replay the past due to ingrained patterns of behaviour.Fixed identities can limit our perception of choices.Shame and regret can lead to self-torture in our thoughts.Decisions made in the past were based on available evidence at the time.Self-compassion is crucial for personal growth and healing.Thoughts are not facts; they can be observed and challenged.Seeking help is not a weakness but a necessary step for recovery.We take our existing patterns with us into new situations.It's important to learn from the past without harsh judgment.Acceptance of where we are now is the first step to change.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we explore the importance of investing in friendships, the challenges of nurturing them as life changes, and the vital role of communication and vulnerability in maintaining connections. It can be easy to let connections slide as life gets busy, however we often regret the loss of friendships when this happens.We emphasise the need for balance between self-care and social engagement, highlighting how meaningful relationships contribute to our overall well-being and sense of purpose. If we don’t value ourselves we can feel that others won’t mind, or even notice, if we don’t see them. And this can mean that relationships slide away without us necessarily meaning to let them do so.It takes work to keep up with friendships especially as we get older, however the benefits are so valuable for us. Sometimes self-care means pushing ourselves to do something that feels effortful but will be meaningful for us.TakeawaysFriendships often take a backseat as life gets busier.Long-term friendships require ongoing nurturing to thrive.Life changes can impact the time and energy we invest in friendships.Communication is key to maintaining connections, especially during tough times.Self-worth can affect how we engage in friendships.Balancing self-care with social connections is crucial.Creating meaning in life often comes from our relationships with others.Community support is essential for mental well-being.Modern connections may differ but are still valuable.Acts of kindness can create a virtuous cycle of connection.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we explore the guilt we feel when taking breaks, and the cultural obsession with busyness. We discuss how modern technology and societal expectations have blurred the lines between work and personal time, leading to a constant state of doing. We discuss the importance of recognising the need for rest, nourishing activities, and the impact of these on mental health and productivity. We also touch on the privilege of being able to choose when to stop and the necessity of finding balance in life. We note how, even if we are unable to take long breaks it is necessary to stop, even briefly, to breathe and notice this moment.Takeaways:We often feel guilty for taking breaks, which can lead to burnout.Cultural norms have created a badge of honour around busyness.Rest is essential for mental health and productivity.We need to learn how to be present and enjoy non-doing activities.The pressure to be constantly productive is exacerbated by technology.Recognising the need for rest can improve overall effectiveness.It's important to challenge the stories we tell ourselves about work and rest.Taking time for ourselves is not a luxury, but a necessity.Mindfulness can help us reconnect with the present moment.Life is happening now, not in the future when we are less busy.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we delve into what it really means to feel ‘ready’. We talk about our own experiences of not being ready to act, and what was holding us back. We explore how things like perfectionism, nerves and putting things off can hold us back, and why waiting for the ‘perfect moment’ often just keeps us stuck.  Along the way, we touch on relationships, decision-making, and why it helps to explore, and get comfortable with, a bit of uncertainty.  Readiness isn’t something you wait for - it’s something you do, with courage and self-awarenesstakeawaysWe can prevent ourselves from doing things because we don't feel ready.Perfectionism can create barriers to taking action.Anxiety can amplify feelings of unpreparedness.The need for everything to be perfect can hinder progress.Procrastination is often linked to fear of failure.There is no such thing as perfect conditions for starting something new.Waiting for the right time can lead to missed opportunities.Tolerating discomfort is essential for growth and action.Clarity in our intentions can help us move forward.Taking action is more important than waiting to feel ready.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss that there are two types of ‘fixing’. There’s the wanting to fix ourselves because we believe we are ‘broken’ or ‘damaged’ and the wanting to change the way in which we meet a particular situation in order to manage ourselves in a more helpful manner.If we can move away from the idea that we need to be fixed, and turn more to the idea that other ways of engaging with our world might be more supportive – that a behaviour or attitude might benefit from being fixed – then we just might find more peace in our life.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss feeling responsible for other people's feelings. Often that means that we can find it hard to stick to our boundaries because we don’t want to upset other people. This can then lead us to feeling that our needs don’t count and we can become frustrated, sad or even angry.Of course we don’t like to upset others, however we are all responsible for how we respond to situations. It is possible to take accountability for our own actions, but not how others respond to those actions. And this is important though difficult to remember this when we are faced with the distress of others.Generally it’s not an either/or choice, it is possible to take care of our own feelings and the feelings of others.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss the pros and cons of having labels. They can help us to understand ourselves, and to find people who are like us. They can also separate us from others, lead us to judge and be judged for our opinions.This episode became something we weren’t expecting! We ended up debating the consequences of aligning ourselves too closely to our opinions, the labels we use to describe ourselves and the dangers of not allowing ourselves to have a genuine curiosity about the reasons we, and others identify with the labels they pick for themselves.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore some of the reasons we might avoid conflict; for example, childhood experiences or relationship issues. We also explore the feelings that might come when thinking about disagreeing with someone, a fear of not being liked, a lack of safety, anxiety, a fear of feeling under attack for our opinions.We also share our personal experiences; one of us was conflict-avoidant and one moved towards conflict when a sense of injustice was present. We have moved closer together in the ways we manage differences of opinion and conflict and we reflect on those.We suggest ways of moving towards being able to hear and state differences of opinion with others without it feeling catastrophic.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode was all about the fear of missing out. We explored the very human desire to be a part of everything, do everything and be fully involved with everything! We discussed how we can explore our feelings about being not part of something, to make sense of them in the current context, and to be aware of any old patterns that might be impacting on our experience of this current FOMO. We leaned on our familiar questions – is how I’m interpreting this true? And is it about me? We explore how we might let go of the stories we are telling ourself and meet the situation in a way that supports us, rather than makes us feel bad.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feeling in control is a way of feeling safe, and lowering our anxiety. In this episode we discuss how actually very little is within our control, and how to be OK with that! We talked widely about how, in the end, often the only thing we have any control over is ourselves and how we respond to situations. And how liberating it can be to be able to say ‘oh well, stuff happens’ when things don’t turn out as we might have liked!Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we discuss why we can find it hard to make a decision, whether that’s a small decision (which outfit to wear maybe!) or a much larger one (whether to change jobs, or leave a relationship perhaps).We can become stuck trying to work out which is the right option to choose, when often it’s not that one is right and one is wrong, but that both have advantages and disadvantages.We discuss how to put the fear to one side and really hear which option feels right for us in that moment, which one our gut would choose. As ever, we share our personal experiences hoping that others can relate!Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss how we are often really good at being kind to others, but don’t seem to think that we deserve to receive kindness from ourselves. However, MRI studies have shown that the areas in the brain that are activated when we are bullied also fire when we are unpleasant to ourselves. This triggers a stress response and all the consequences that brings! It can feel like an either/or choice – either we are kind to others or to ourself. However it is possible to do both, to include ourselves in the beam of kindness we are showing to the world.We discuss how we can be kinder to ourselves, and suggest that a way to start can be to ask ourselves, what would I say to a close friend if they felt like I do? And then try to be that friend to ourself.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore some of the reasons we might leave things to the last minute; procrastinating, having too many things to do, and feeling overwhelmed. We discussed some strategies to make life more ease-full, ways in which we can take back some control and feel more in control. Counter-intuitively these do include slowing down! And also prioritising self-care; as we often say, it’s not the things, it’s the way in which we meet the things. That is where we have some control!Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.