Good Vibes Leadership with Bernadette Smith

A few years ago, my firm was asked to deliver 5,000 licenses of our micro-learning product. Hours after the email that the project was a go, I randomly read an article revealing that the company provided ICE detention facilities. I declined, and that triggered the scarcity mindset I inherited from my parents. In this episode, I talk about the sentence that makes a compromise feel okay, and the two questions I'd ask the next time you catch yourself saying it.Takeaways:Catch your justification sentence. The line that makes a compromise sound okay is the one worth writing down.Ask what it's getting you out of. A justification usually gets you out of the hard part, so name the hard part.Ask what you'd tell someone else. You probably already know what you'd say to a colleague in the same spot.Draw your lines before the check shows up. Write down two or three things you won't do for money while nothing is on the line.Connect with MeThe Newsletter: This week in the newsletter, I wrote about dyed hair and hijabs at a convenience store chain, Canada retiring an outdated rule, NYC's new public bathrooms, autism response training that helped save a toddler, and what happened when states ended subminimum wage. Subscribe to the 5 Things Newsletter here.Work with Me: Let's talk.Watch 5 Things on YouTube. Join thousands of readers by subscribing to the 5 Things newsletter. Enjoy some good vibes every Saturday morning. https://5thingsdei.com/

On a solo kayak trip after my friends bailed, my guide Bill asked me one simple follow-up question, and my honest answer outed me to a total stranger in the middle of nowhere. I share what happened when I chose honesty over the safe answer, and what it taught me about the split-second decisions your team makes every day about how much of themselves to show you. We get into why trust doesn't just show up on its own, and how the ARC Method turns curiosity into real connection instead of an interrogation.TakeawaysThe safe answer is a trust problem, not a courage problem. People default to vague answers when a room hasn't earned honesty yet, that's on leaders to build.Curiosity only works paired with respect. Ask without respect and it reads as prying, respect without ever asking and you never get anywhere real.One more question changes everything. The whole conversation with Bill only happened because he followed up instead of settling for the easy first answer.Notice your own instinct to deflect. You don't owe anyone your full story, but it's worth knowing whether you're holding back out of real caution or just habit.Connect with MeThe Newsletter: This week in the newsletter, I wrote about a historic cathedral dean, the first Black woman to own an MLB team, an all-women-designed building in Toronto, and more. Subscribe to the 5 Things Newsletter here: https://theequalityinstitute.com/5-thingsWork with Me: Let's talk: https://bernadettesmith.comWatch 5 Things on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@bernadettesmith Join thousands of readers by subscribing to the 5 Things newsletter. Enjoy some good vibes every Saturday morning. https://5thingsdei.com/

A conversation with a pickleball friend leads Bernadette to a memoir that reframes how she thinks about holding hard things and good things at the same time. Instead of forcing every situation into a clean, resolved story, she explores what it looks like to walk between beauty and wound without picking one. Using the ARC Method, she breaks down why leaders who can't tolerate contradiction end up either faking optimism or drowning in cynicism, and what to do instead.Takeaways:Contradiction isn't a problem to solve. Two true things can exist in the same moment without one canceling out the other.Leaders get asked to hold both, constantly. Celebrating wins while someone struggles, defending a decision you doubt, staying honest without going cynical.Faking it or drowning in it both erode trust. People can tell when a leader has picked a lane instead of holding the full picture.ARC gives you a way through. Ask what's actually true, respect both sides as real, connect them without forcing a false resolution.Fernando's Book: The Silence of the GodsConnect with Me This week in the newsletter, I wrote about menopause finally getting legal protection, a chaplain poised to make history in Michigan, and Baltimore reimagining what calling 911 can do. 📩 Newsletter: http://www.theequalityinstitute.com/5-things 🎙️ Work with Me: https://www.bernadettesmith.com 🌐 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@bernadettesmith Join thousands of readers by subscribing to the 5 Things newsletter. Enjoy some good vibes every Saturday morning. https://5thingsdei.com/

Bernadette teaches her son to drive in a cemetery parking lot and discovers his rough braking has nothing to do with the car, and everything to do with muscle memory from racing video games. It sparks a bigger question about the habits we all bring into new roles, teams, and pressure moments without realizing it. Using the ARC Method®, Bernadette breaks down how to spot the "jarring stops" your old playbook is causing, and what to do instead.Takeaways:Old habits travel with us. What worked in a past role, team, or context doesn't disappear when the context changes, it just becomes invisible to the person running on it.Your team feels it first. The jarring stop is usually obvious to everyone else in the car before the driver notices anything's wrong.Ask before you defend. When something lands rough, the move is to ask what's driving it, not to justify the habit.ARC gives you the sequence. Ask what's really behind the reaction, respect that it worked somewhere once, connect it to what this moment actually needs.Connect with Me The Newsletter: This week in the newsletter, I wrote about paid parental leave finally leveling out, salary transparency, and record WNBA crowds. 📩 Newsletter: http://www.theequalityinstitute.com/5-things 🎙️ Work with Me: https://www.bernadettesmith.com 🌐 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@bernadettesmith Join thousands of readers by subscribing to the 5 Things newsletter. Enjoy some good vibes every Saturday morning. https://5thingsdei.com/

Summary: Bernadette's been watching The Four Seasons on Netflix, and a beach scene between two strangers got her thinking about how easy it is to stay shallow, even with people we care about. She connects it to the ARC Method and a simple challenge: pick one conversation this week and actually ask something real. It's a short episode with one big question to sit with. Takeaways: Shallow is the default, not the exception. Most meetings and check-ins run on autopilot small talk, and it can take a long time before anyone notices what's missing. Ask, Respect, Connect, in that order. Skip a step and the ARC falls: asking without respecting breaks trust, and respecting without connecting to action turns it into venting. Silence is doing the work. After asking a real question, resist the urge to fill the quiet. That's usually where the honest answer shows up. Pick one conversation, not all of them. Real connection doesn't require overhauling how you talk to everyone. It starts with one question, with one person, this week. Connect with Me The Newsletter: This week in the newsletter, I wrote about Jersey saying yes to trans care, the first Pride festival ever held behind bars, Marvel spotlighting disability in their comics, and more. Subscribe to the 5 Things Newsletter here. Work with Me: Let's talk. Watch 5 Things on YouTube.   Join thousands of readers by subscribing to the 5 Things newsletter. Enjoy some good vibes every Saturday morning. https://5thingsdei.com/