Relationship Advice

In this episode, we explore what a negative relationship cycle is and why couples get stuck repeating the same patterns during conflict. We explain how protective moves like criticism, shutdown, fixing, or withdrawal are attempts to regain safety—not signs that one partner is “the problem.” Knowing your cycle helps partners slow things down, take accountability for their part, and reduce shame. This awareness creates the foundation for staying regulated and eventually responding with more vulnerability and connection. Main Talking Points • Negative cycles • Protective moves • Self-protection patterns • Triggers & meaning • Awareness before change Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠ Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 ⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the second pillar of a secure relationship: individuation—the idea that what it’s like to be me is different than what it’s like to be you.  They explore how differences in processing, upbringing, values, and sensory experiences can turn from “cute quirks” into major points of conflict when partners feel right/wrong instead of just different. You’ll hear real-life examples, role plays, and practical questions you can take back to your own relationship to build more curiosity, compassion, and realistic expectations of each other. Main Talking Points: • External vs. internal processors • Individuation and attachment • Everyday differences in conflict • Sensory and value clashes • Curiosity over being “right” • Conversation prompts for couples Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠ Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 ⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Window of Tolerance helps explain why one partner often wants to keep talking while the other shuts down, speeds up, or feels totally overwhelmed.  In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous systems have different thresholds, what it looks like to be inside vs. outside your window, and why both partners are usually dysregulated in conflict—just in opposite ways. You’ll learn how to notice your own cues, call a break before things boil over, and use this language to create more safety, empathy, and connection in day-to-day life together. Main Talking Points: • What “window” means • Different dysregulation styles • Signs you’re in-window • Using body-based cues • Taking breaks wisely • Expanding your window Check out Relationship Academy! Cozy Earth⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠Beducate⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠AG1 - ⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠Simple Practice⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠Skylight⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026 Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026 Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 Get $100 off Spark My Relationship 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla explore why we latch onto birthdays and the New Year as chances to “start fresh,” and why traditional resolutions so often fall flat. They share personal stories about resolutions that worked and didn’t, and offer a more flexible approach rooted in values, season-of-life awareness, and gentle recalibration instead of all-or-nothing goals. You’ll hear practical ideas for setting individual and shared relationship intentions—like choosing a word for the year, doing a values audit, and imagining the “photo slideshow” you want to look back on next December. Main Talking Points: • Milestones as reset • Why resolutions fail • Values over goals • Couples intention talks • Season-of-life reality • Gentle self-compassion Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we break down the pursuer–withdrawer dynamic and why partners so often misunderstand each other during conflict. We explore how our nervous systems, personal histories, and internal stories shape the meaning we make of our partner’s behavior. By slowing down and getting curious, couples can interrupt the cycle and create more connection instead of escalating disconnection. Main Talking Points • Pursuer vs. withdrawer • Meaning-making stories • Nervous system responses • Projection in conflict • Windows of tolerance • Curiosity over certainty Check Out Relationship Academy Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN This episode explores the subtle but important difference between caring for someone and caretaking for them — and why crossing that line can create resentment, burnout, or dependency in relationships. The hosts break down how good intentions can accidentally enable unhealthy patterns, block growth, or strip someone of their autonomy. They also share practical examples, scripts, and mindset shifts to help you support the people you love without taking over their life or their discomfort. Caring vs. caretaking Enabling patterns Emotional discomfort Interdependence balance Healthy boundaries Comfort scripts Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! Main Talking PointsIf you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN This episode explores why affairs happen even among people who genuinely value their relationships and never imagined crossing that line. The hosts break down the emotional, psychological, and relational dynamics that make secrecy, novelty, and unmet needs so compelling. They also examine how betrayal impacts identity, trust, and a couple’s shared narrative — and what healing realistically requires. MAIN TALKING POINTS Secrecy & allure Emotional rupture Unmet needs Fantasy vs. reality Identity confusion Rebuilding trust Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS *We just answered a bunch of questions from listeners and want to answer more* Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN Main Talking Points: Today we dissect a conflict that Colter and Cayla get into. Spoiler alert, it took us a couple of conversations to get back onto the same page.  We thought that this episode could be a good example of how we can disagree, rupture, and eventually repair and reconnect. Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS *We just answered a bunch of questions from listeners and want to answer more* Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla open up about how the holidays can bring up grief, loneliness, or stress instead of joy. They share personal stories of loss, family expectations, and the emotional weight that often comes with “the most wonderful time of the year.” Together, they explore ways to honor what’s hard, set healthy boundaries, and find comfort and connection in the midst of it all. Main Talking Points: Grief and loss Family expectations Emotional triggers Setting boundaries Creating new traditions Supporting your partner Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. CLICK HERE TO JOIN The holidays can bring a mix of love, laughter, and a little chaos. In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren talk about what happens when family dynamics, politics, and expectations collide at the dinner table—and how to stay grounded through it all. You’ll learn how to manage emotional triggers, set flexible boundaries, and focus on connection instead of conflict. Whether you’re hosting or visiting, this episode helps you keep your peace while staying true to your values. Main Talking Points: • Navigating family triggers • Setting flexible boundaries • Hosting vs. visiting dynamics • Planning exit strategies • Dodging heated topics • Leading with values DISCOUNTS & LINKS: Cozy Earth: Use code IDO and stack it on top of their sitewide sale for up to 40% off. Beducate: Visit beducate.me/relationship69 and use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight: Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off the 15-inch calendar. Function Health: 160+ lab tests for $365. Learn more at functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit: Visit amazfit.com/IDO for 10% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off at SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock If you love this episode, would you mind leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts? It means the world to us and only takes a minute. – Colter, Cayla & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. CLICK HERE TO JOIN Colter, Cayla, and Lauren explore the roots, costs, and recovery process of people pleasing, highlighting how it often stems from fear of conflict, guilt, or learned conditioning. The hosts discuss the emotional and relational toll—like resentment, burnout, and lack of authentic connection—while also offering practical tools to build awareness, set boundaries, and communicate needs more clearly. Ultimately, they emphasize shifting from guilt-based to values-based decision-making in relationships. Main Talking Points: Fear and guilt origins Childhood conditioning Emotional costs Boundary setting Practicing “soft no’s” Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early at Cozy Earth! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Visit and use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Audible - Listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Get $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at Amazfit - Visit to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN⁠ In this episode of Relationship Advice, Colter and Cayla sit down with therapist and author Joe Nucci to unpack themes from his book Psychobabble. They dive into common therapy-related myths—like the idea that “everyone needs therapy” or that “more emotional intimacy is always better”—and explore how cultural messages about mental health can sometimes oversimplify or distort deeper truths. The conversation blends humor and insight as they challenge overused self-help tropes, advocate for nuance, and discuss how real growth happens both inside and outside of therapy. Main Talking Points: - Myth: “Everyone needs therapy” — therapy is beneficial but not always necessary - Limited therapist availability and mental health as a social justice issue - Myth: “More emotional intimacy = healthier relationship” — intimacy looks different for everyone - Dangers of over-standardizing “emotional health” in relationships - Therapy as preparation vs. real-world relational growth - Attraction patterns, emotional awareness, and learning through experience Joe’s Links: - Instagram - Website Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Beducate - Visit beducate.me/relationship69 and use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN⁠ Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack the tricky dynamics of navigating family drama—especially with in-laws—through relatable stories, humor, and therapy-based insight. They explore how couples often get caught in “who’s right” battles instead of understanding each other’s emotional experiences and family conditioning. The conversation moves from examples like holiday conflicts and boundary differences to practical strategies for curiosity, validation, and creating teamwork when families collide. Main Talking Points: - Holidays & expectations: balancing rest, traditions, and competing family rituals. - Boundaries & input: navigating unsolicited advice and over-involvement from in-laws. - Cultural & parenting differences: managing contrasting values, politics, or child-rearing styles. - Underlying emotions: shifting from “who’s right” to sharing how it feels (e.g., feeling stuck, unseen, guilty). - Triangulation awareness: avoiding being pulled into sides or family alliances. - Repair & curiosity: using calm, validating conversations outside conflict to understand each other and build connection. Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN⁠ In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the messy reality of family differences—why gatherings can trigger us, how long-held “rules of the game” shape family conflict, and what we can do to stay grounded when things get heated. They explore common sources of family drama—holidays, parenting, politics, religion, and generational expectations—and how guilt, resentment, and old patterns keep us stuck. Ultimately, the conversation centers on learning to slow down, identify our triggers, set boundaries with compassion, and find ways to stay connected even when we disagree. Main Talking Points: - Common sources of family conflict (holidays, parenting, money, politics) - “Rules of the game” in family systems - Understanding triggers and nervous system responses - Balancing boundaries with connection - Compassionate communication and timing - What you can—and can’t—control in family relationships Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren break down how to shift your relationship from reactivity to rhythm by learning to create a positive cycle. You’ll hear the story of Andrea and Marcus—a couple stuck in familiar patterns—who begin transforming conflict through small, intentional changes like naming their stories and taking ownership instead of reacting. From practical tools like “the story I’m telling myself…” to the game-changing “help me help you help me” skill, this episode shows how simple awareness and repair can turn everyday tension into deeper connection. Main Talking Points: Awareness of triggers & old cycles Naming stories with curiosity Accountability vs. defensiveness Intentional “deposits” of connection Repair through validation & empathy “Help me help you help me” negotiation Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jessica Baum shares her personal journey through anxiety and depression that led her into studying attachment theory and writing her books. She explains how cultural messages about independence often conflict with our biological need for connection, and how healing happens through safe, consistent relationships. Her work emphasizes the importance of “anchors”—people who can provide presence, safety, and co-regulation—as a pathway toward secure attachment and earned security. Colter, Lauren, and Jessica talk about topics such as: - Codependency = anxious attachment - Cultural pressure for independence - Healing through safe connection - Importance of anchors/secure people - Co-regulation before self-regulation - Familiar vs. healthy attraction Freebie from Jessica: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode looks at why your partner might struggle to “just get over” something that feels small to you. Often, their reaction isn’t really about the forgotten text or missed plan—it’s about old wounds from times they felt invisible or unimportant. Instead of brushing it off, the episode shows how empathy and repair can turn these moments into opportunities for deeper connection. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren dive into topics like: - Why little things often hit deeper emotional scars. - How “just get over it” shuts down closeness instead of fixing the problem. - Signs that your partner’s reaction is about more than the moment. - Simple shifts—curiosity, empathy, and listening—that help your partner feel seen. - How repair after conflict builds more trust than avoiding fights. Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices