Shrink For The Shy Guy

In this vulnerable and revealing episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz returns from a life-changing couples workshop with a fresh insight into what really causes social anxiety and people-pleasing and how to heal it from the inside out. Most people try to overcome self-doubt by repeating affirmations, striving harder, or becoming their “ideal” version of themselves. But as Dr. Aziz explains, this fantasy self is actually wrapped around a much deeper wound: a core belief that we’re not enough or not lovable as we are. Drawing from powerful moments during the retreat, he unpacks how insecure attachment leads to chronic feelings of unworthiness and how our attempts to “fix” ourselves only deepen the cycle. You’ll learn how the path to lasting confidence doesn’t come from becoming more, but from reconnecting with your authentic self, one that is already whole and worthy. Using a powerful metaphor of braided ropes, Dr. Aziz helps you see the loop you might be caught in and how to step out of it for good. "Everything is changeable. 100%. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about coming home to who you already are." Ready to heal the root of social anxiety and step into real freedom? Tune in now and rediscover your worth.   ---------------------------------------------- Have you ever wondered why you still feel not enough, no matter how much you achieve, improve, or try to please? Why confidence sometimes feels like an act, and connection like a test you can fail? What if the real issue isn’t that you’re broken but that you were never fully bonded? In this episode, I want to take you deeper to the root of social anxiety and people pleasing. Because beneath the awkward moments, the self-doubt, and the endless striving lies something much more fundamental: a missing sense of I’m okay as I am. The Real Source of “I’m Not Enough” At the heart of social anxiety isn’t fear it’s disconnection. When you were young, something subtle but powerful happened: a gap formed between the love and security you needed and what your environment could provide. It wasn’t your fault, and it doesn’t mean your parents didn’t love you. But that gap created what psychologists call insecure attachment a deep, body-level sense of I’m not safe, I’m not held, I’m not enough. “Social anxiety and people pleasing aren’t personality flaws—they’re attachment wounds trying to feel safe.” That unease in your body becomes the foundation of every “I’m not enough” story: “I’m not interesting enough.” “I’m not attractive enough.” “I’m not confident enough.” We try to fix the feeling by building a better self—a “fantasy self”—that will finally be lovable. But that striving only tightens the knot. The Fantasy Self Trap When we feel not enough, we look for clues about who we should be. Dad liked when I was smart? Be the smart one. People admire success? Chase success. Everyone loves charm? Learn to perform. Piece by piece, you build your fantasy self the polished, perfect version of you who finally earns love, approval, and belonging. But here’s the painful secret: no matter how many boxes you check, the emptiness doesn’t go away. The rope of your life twists endlessly between two strands—the blue rope of not-enoughness, and the orange rope of the fantasy self. Around and around you go… striving, achieving, collapsing. Until you realize: the problem was never you. It was never the missing strand. It was believing you needed to become someone else to be loved. The Way Out: Relearning Love The healing of social anxiety and people pleasing isn’t about becoming your fantasy self—it’s about coming home to your real self. “You don’t need to earn love. You need to experience being loved as you are.” This isn’t theory. It’s a retraining of your nervous system—a gradual, embodied relearning that you are safe, seen, and worthy exactly as you are. You don’t fix it with affirmations. You heal it through experience: letting yourself be seen, receiving care, allowing love in. That’s the work and yes, it’s vulnerable. But it’s also freedom. Coming Home to Yourself This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a practice, like learning to move your body again after years of tension. You build it by showing up, by practicing openness, by letting go of the fantasy self one thread at a time. And then one day, you wake up and realize—you don’t need to become enough. You already are. Because confidence isn’t built on pretending to be someone else. It’s born the moment you finally allow yourself to be you.

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz offers powerful insight into what to do when you feel like giving up. Whether you're trying to build confidence, face your fears, or push through challenges, there are times when progress feels slow and resistance feels overwhelming. Dr. Aziz unpacks the real reason we feel discouraged and why it’s often not about the actual results we’re getting. You'll discover how unrealistic expectations and unconscious comparisons can drain your motivation and how to shift back into momentum with self-compassion and clarity. Packed with honesty, humor, and actionable tools, this episode is a reminder that you're not broken, you’re just human. And the key to long-term change isn’t forcing yourself forward, but learning how to keep going with heart. 🎧 Feeling stuck? Tune in now and reignite your courage to keep moving forward—no matter what.     -------------------------------------     Ever have one of those days where you just don’t have it in you? You’ve been working on your confidence, trying to speak up, take risks, connect more—but then something happens. You freeze in the meeting. The conversation flops. Someone says “no.” And suddenly that old voice kicks in: “See? You’ll never change.” That voice pulls you down fast. You stop taking action. You retreat. You tell yourself you’re “just busy” or “need a break.” But what’s really happening is something deeper—something every courageous human faces on the path to confidence.   The Doubt Storm Whenever you stretch beyond your comfort zone, you awaken an old gravitational force I call the doubt storm. It’s that heavy pull toward discouragement, self-criticism, and hopelessness. You start circling the drain with thoughts like: “I’m never going to figure this out.” “Something’s wrong with me.” “It always ends this way.” And once that story takes over, it feels impossible to fight. But this is where real confidence begins—not in the easy wins, but in your capacity to weather the storm without giving up. “Confidence isn’t built in your victories. It’s built in the moments you refuse to quit.”   1. Be the Mountain in the Storm The most powerful thing you can do when discouragement hits isn’t to fix it—it’s to stop running from it. Imagine yourself as a mountain. The storm comes, winds howl, rain lashes against you—but the mountain doesn’t move. It stays steady. Set a timer for five minutes. Sit. Breathe. Notice what’s happening: Breath. Feel the air move in and out. Thinking. Name the thoughts: “thinking.” Feeling. Name the emotion: “sadness,” “fear,” “frustration.” Sensation. Notice where it lives in your body. Sound. Listen to the room around you. This practice grounds you. You don’t have to solve the storm—just outlast it. It always passes.   2. Recenter: How Am I Steering? Once the storm quiets, you’ll see clearly again. Now ask yourself: “How am I steering my life right now?” Most suffering doesn’t come from circumstances—it comes from how we’re relating to them. You can’t control if someone says yes or no. You can’t control the outcome of a meeting or a date. But you can control how you show up. “You can’t steer the storm, but you can steer yourself.” Choose to play the long game. Choose curiosity over desperation. Choose connection over control.   3. Keep Showing Up Your only real job is to keep showing up for your growth. Not perfectly. Not fearlessly. Just consistently. Because every time you face a setback and keep going, you’re reprogramming the story of who you are—from “someone who can’t” to “someone who persists.”   You’ve Got This Confidence isn’t a straight line. It’s a spiral—up, down, forward, backward. But if you stay in the process long enough, you will win. You’ll speak freely, connect deeply, and move through life with the calm power of someone who knows their worth. So when the next storm comes, don’t panic. Be the mountain. Breathe. And remember: this is how confidence is built—one courageous choice at a time.

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the secret to boosting confidence while dissolving anxiety and it’s not another breathing exercise or mindset hack. It’s a deeper shift in how you see yourself and how you approach life. Most people try to overcome fear by gritting their teeth and pushing through. But what if you could unlock a bold version of yourself that actually wants the challenge? Dr. Aziz introduces the powerful identity of the Bold Explorer a part of you that thrives on uncertainty, risk, and discovery. Whether you're working to speak up at work, approach someone you're attracted to, or just stop overthinking every social interaction, this episode gives you a new way to show up with strength, courage, and yes, more fun. Ready to activate the version of you that’s fearless, adventurous, and fully alive? Tune in now and start living like the bold explorer you were born to be.     ---------------------------------------------     If you’ve tried all the “calm down” hacks—meditations, breathing apps, mantras—and still find anxiety waiting for you at work, on dates, or before you speak up… this is for you. There’s a faster path than soothing your nerves in the moment: change who’s showing up. When you do, confidence rises and anxiety dissolves—without white-knuckling your way through it. “Confidence isn’t something you earn— it’s something you remember.” The One Shift: Become the Bold Explorer Anxiety spikes when the “stay-safe” part of you takes the wheel. Instead, step into a different identity: the Bold Explorer—the part of you that seeks growth, welcomes the unknown, and chooses meaningful risk over comfortable stagnation. Explorers don’t wait to “feel ready.” They move toward the edge on purpose. Try this: Before a conversation, meeting, or date, pause and say (quietly or aloud), “I’m a Bold Explorer. Let’s see what’s here.” Notice how your posture, breath, and tone shift toward grounded courage. “Boldness is always rewarded: with aliveness, with wisdom—and often with wins.” Why This Kills Anxiety (and Builds Real Confidence) Most people dip a toe outside their comfort zone, endure the fear, then retreat. That trains your body to associate growth with threat. The Explorer flips the script: discomfort becomes a signal of aliveness, not danger. When your brain interprets the moment as chosen adventure, your nervous system calms and capability expands. Two guaranteed payoffs every time you act boldly: Aliveness — You feel more awake, present, and powerful. Wisdom — You learn faster through doing than by rehearsing in your head. Make It Practical: An Explorer’s Daily Reps Name the Expedition. What’s today’s “edge”? Speaking up once in a meeting? Starting a conversation? Sending the pitch? Write it down each morning: “Today’s exploration = ___.” Use the 5% Rule. You don’t need to cliff-jump. Reveal 5% more, ask one deeper question, take one bolder step than yesterday. Anchor the Identity (Cold Shower Primer). Tomorrow morning, take a 30–60 second cold shower. Not for biohacking bragging rights, but to train your brain: I move toward what’s uncomfortable on purpose. Then carry that energy into the first bold action of your day. “Don’t wait to feel brave. Act—then let your feelings catch up.” Final Word: This Is Who You Are You’re not building a new self from scratch—you’re remembering the part of you that has always been willing to try, to learn, to live fully. When the Explorer leads, anxiety loses its grip because there’s nothing to defend—only something to discover. You can do this. Stand a little taller. Breathe deeper. Choose one bold step today. And watch how confidence rises while anxiety quietly fades into the background.

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz issues a bold 7-day challenge that just might transform your confidence: stop apologizing. Not when you bump into someone, but the deeper, more compulsive “I’m sorry” that leaks out when you speak up, have needs, or reveal who you are. If you’ve ever found yourself saying “Sorry to bother you” or “I’m sorry, that was probably too much…”—this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz reveals why chronic apologizing isn't just a bad habit—it's a deep, unconscious signal that says “I’m not allowed to exist as I am.” You’ll learn how these little apologies sap your power, disconnect you from others, and reinforce toxic self-doubt. Packed with stories, humor, and a clear 7-day “apology fast” experiment, this conversation will help you ditch the reflex, reclaim your voice, and show up unapologetically real. Ready to stop shrinking and start owning your space? Tune in now and begin your 7-day confidence reboot.---------------------------------------------- How many times did you apologize today? If you’re like most people, it’s probably more than you realize. “I’m sorry” slips out when we bump into someone, when we speak up, when we share something personal, and when we even exist in a way that might inconvenience someone. But here’s the truth: you’re not being polite—you’re being powerless. For one week, I want to challenge you to stop apologizing unnecessarily. What happens next might shock you. The Addiction You Don’t Realize You Have Over-apologizing feels harmless—like good manners. But in reality, it’s an emotional addiction. Every “I’m sorry” is a tiny attempt to soothe discomfort. You’re trying to make sure no one’s upset, that no one disapproves, that everyone’s okay with you. It’s a self-soothing reflex, just like reaching for sugar or scrolling endlessly on your phone. It gives you a micro-hit of safety… at the cost of your power. The moment you say “sorry” when you’ve done nothing wrong, you send a subconscious message to yourself: “I’m a problem. I shouldn’t exist this way.” And you don’t just say it once—you reinforce it dozens of times a day. The Cost of Compulsive Apologizing At best, this habit makes you seem uncertain. At worst, it damages your confidence and your relationships. When you apologize for having an opinion, for asking a question, or simply for speaking up, people don’t feel more comfortable around you—they feel disconnected. It’s like you shared a genuine moment, and then poured cold water all over it. I’ve seen clients apologize for being seen: “I’m sorry, I know I’m talking too much.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.” But when you say sorry for simply being human, what you’re really saying is: “I’m sorry for who I am.” And that is the one apology you must stop making—forever. The 7-Day Apology Fast Let’s make this practical. For the next seven days, go on what I call an Apology Fast. That doesn’t mean you never apologize. Real apologies—where you’ve acted outside your values or hurt someone are powerful and healing. But all the other ones? The nervous, automatic, I just want you to like me apologies? Those go. Here’s how: Notice it. Catch yourself the moment you say “sorry.” Interrupt it. Imagine the gentle but firm correction: “Ah-ah. Leave it.” (Yes, like training a puppy!) Replace it. Instead of “sorry,” say something direct and grounded. Try “thank you for your patience,” “excuse me,” or simply say nothing at all. Keep score. See if you can reduce your unnecessary apologies each day. The Real Transformation When you stop apologizing for existing, something beautiful happens: You start to take up space. You start to feel solid. You start to respect yourself. And that shift ripples outward. People listen more closely. You speak more clearly. You move through the world as someone who knows—deeply—that they belong. So, for seven days, no unnecessary “I’m sorry.” Just you unfiltered, unapologetic, and free. Because confidence doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from finally realizing you have nothing to apologize for.

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz shares the Top 3 Keys from the Extremely Confident Conversation Master Training—a powerful 3‑day virtual workshop designed to help you break free from self‑doubt, deepen real connections, and show up fully as yourself. Whether you attended the event or missed it, this episode distills the most transformative takeaways you can apply right now to create more ease, connection, and confidence in every conversation. Discover how to reignite your natural desire for connection, rebuild your innate capacity for authentic conversation, and dissolve the illusion that you don’t belong. Dr. Aziz reveals why connection is not optional—it’s essential—and how to overcome the hidden beliefs and fears that keep your heart closed or your confidence limited. Packed with humor, stories, and actionable insights, this episode invites you to open your heart, take bold social risks, and remember that you already belong. 🎧 Ready to unlock deeper connection and social freedom? Tune in now to Shrink for the Shy Guy and discover the 3 keys that can change how you show up in every conversation.----------------------------------------------- What if connection isn’t something you have to earn… but something you already deserve? Most people spend their whole lives trying to “get better” at talking to others—learning the right things to say, the right tone, and the right body language. But at the root, confidence in connection has nothing to do with perfect lines or tricks. It’s about how open your heart is, how much you trust yourself, and whether you believe you belong. After teaching my Supremely Confident Conversation Master workshop for the seventh time, three powerful lessons stood out that will change how you relate to everyone—from strangers to soulmates. 1. You Have to Want It You can’t create real connection if you’ve convinced yourself you don’t need it. Maybe you’ve been hurt before. Maybe you got rejected, ghosted, or left behind. Somewhere along the line, you told yourself, “I’m fine alone.” But that story isn’t strength—it’s self-protection. Connection is not optional. It’s essential. Just like your body needs water, your soul needs genuine human connection. When you shut that part of yourself down, you start to feel the symptoms: emptiness, numbness, endless scrolling, constant distraction. When you wake up to that truth, something inside reignites. That quiet hunger to feel seen, heard, and loved—it’s still there. You just have to admit it’s real. 2. Your Capacity for Connection Is Innate You don’t need to “learn” how to talk to people—you were born with the ability to connect. If you’ve ever laughed with a friend, comforted someone in pain, or told a story that lit up a room, that’s it. That’s the real you. Somewhere along the way, fear, criticism, or trauma might’ve dimmed it—but it’s still in there. When I see people go from isolated and anxious on Day 1 of my workshop to laughing and connecting effortlessly by Day 3, it’s not because they learned a few “social tricks.” It’s because they remembered who they were before fear took over. Like learning to walk again, it takes a little practice. You might wobble at first, but once you remember how natural it feels, it becomes effortless. You already have everything you need. 3. You Belong Everywhere You Go The deepest illusion of social anxiety is the belief that you don’t belong. You can be surrounded by people who welcome you—and still feel like an outsider. But belonging isn’t something others give you. It’s something you choose. When that voice says, “I don’t fit in,” challenge it. Ask, “What if I already do?” At the event, we practiced a simple phrase: “I belong at every table.” Say it until it feels less like a lie and more like a truth waiting to surface. Because when you act as if you belong, something miraculous happens—people start responding to you as if you do. You Don’t Have to Wait to Be Ready If you’ve been waiting to “feel confident” before taking action—stop waiting. Confidence doesn’t come before connection. Connection builds confidence. Take one small step today. Say hi. Ask a question. Share a story. Take a risk. You might stumble—but you’ll also start to feel alive again. Because you do belong. Everywhere you go.

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the surprising antidote to anxiety—and it’s not a breathing trick, mindset hack, or self-soothing technique. It’s something much deeper, much more powerful... and much more liberating. If you’ve ever struggled with social anxiety, performance anxiety, or general fear about future events—this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz breaks down what actually creates anxiety (hint: it’s not the situation itself) and why so many well-meaning efforts to manage or eliminate anxiety fail. You’ll discover how attachment to specific outcomes fuels fear, and how opening to all outcomes can set you free. Packed with stories, metaphors, and practical insights, this conversation invites you to stop clinging, start choosing, and reclaim your peace and personal power. 🎧 Ready to step into real freedom? Tune in now and learn how to live without fear holding you back.--------------------------------------- Do you get nervous before social events, presentations, or even small conversations? Do your palms sweat, your mind race, or your stomach knot up? What if I told you that anxiety isn’t actually in the event itself—and that realizing this could be the first step to freedom? Many people assume the fear they feel is because the situation is “scary.” Public speaking terrifies them. Approaching someone attractive feels impossible. Even something as simple as paying taxes can trigger tension. And while these experiences feel real, the truth is: anxiety isn’t in the circumstance—it’s in how you relate to it. “Pick any situation—bungee jumping, giving a presentation, meeting someone new. There’s always someone who feels terrified, and someone who feels excited. Anxiety isn’t the event—it’s in the attachment to the outcome.” The Hidden Ingredient of Anxiety So what creates anxiety? One word: attachment. It’s the intense need for things to go a certain way. The desire for approval, for everything to be perfect, for no awkward pauses or mistakes. This attachment fuels your nervous system: muscles tense, your mind spins, and panic can emerge—even before you’ve begun. Think about it. You’re anxious because you want someone to respond positively, or you need the conversation to hit a certain standard, or you fear judgment if you stumble. That clinging, that insistence that the outcome must be perfect, is the root of anxiety. “If attachment is in your cookie recipe, it’s going to taste like poop. That’s what anxiety feels like.” Letting Go Without Giving Up Here’s the liberating truth: the antidote to anxiety is letting all outcomes be okay. Open to the possibility that things might not go exactly as you planned—and that you will still be okay. This doesn’t mean being passive or careless. You still show up, do your best, and steer toward the outcomes you want. But beyond your control? It’s no longer a source of fear. Start small: identify a situation that triggers anxiety. Notice what outcome you’re attached to—and which outcomes you consider “unacceptable.” Then, in a safe, relaxed environment, imagine those outcomes unfolding—and allow yourself to feel okay if they do. This mental exposure gradually rewires your nervous system. You discover that you can show up fully, navigate uncertainty, and still thrive. Over time, anxiety dissolves—and you step into life more fully, whether that’s giving a talk, approaching someone new, or handling the unexpected with calm confidence. You Can Choose Freedom Anxiety doesn’t have to control you. Once you see it for what it is—attachment and clinging—you can begin to loosen its grip. Life becomes a playground for growth instead of a minefield of fear. “You can show up, be seen, and be okay no matter what happens. That’s freedom. That’s courage. That’s living fully.” The first step is noticing your attachment, letting go of the need for control, and practicing tolerance for uncertainty. The more you do it, the more anxiety dissolves—and the more you reclaim your life, moment by moment.

In today’s episode, we dive into a powerful truth: becoming more magnetic and attractive doesn’t require abs, money, or status—it starts with how you see yourself. If you’ve ever felt like you’re just not desirable enough, that something is wrong with you, or that others wouldn’t want to be close to the “real you,” this conversation will shift everything. Dr. Aziz shares his personal journey from years of insecurity, social anxiety, and rejection to finding genuine freedom and connection. You’ll discover why your belief that you’re not attractive is the actual block—not your looks, your personality, or your past. The secret? A willingness to let yourself be seen and known. And not just intellectually, but emotionally—fully and courageously. If you want more magnetism, more connection, and more real confidence in every area of life—from friendships to dating to your career—this episode is for you. Tune in now, and take the first step toward living life unhidden.------------------ Most people think being magnetic and attractive is about perfect abs, flawless hair, or saying all the right things. But the truth is, the biggest obstacle to your natural magnetism isn’t your appearance at all—it’s what you believe about yourself. In this post, you’ll discover why your “fantasy self” is quietly sabotaging your confidence and how you can start becoming irresistible right now, without changing who you are. The Biggest Block to Attraction (And It’s Not Your Looks) When I ask clients why they hesitate to approach someone, they’ll grimace and say, “It’s not going to go well.” Underneath that is a story: I’m not magnetic, I’m not attractive, and I’m not desirable. This story creates a trap. We tell ourselves, “I’ll finally put myself out there when I’m thinner, richer, more interesting, or more confident.” That version of you—your “fantasy self”—never gets anxious, always knows what to say, and looks amazing. Until you become that version, you stay hidden. But here’s the cost: life passes you by. You miss out on connection, love, friendships, and opportunities that are available right now. The real obstacle isn’t that people wouldn’t be drawn to you—it’s that you’re telling yourself you’re not attractive enough to try. The Real Secret to Being Magnetic: Willingness to Be Seen and Known Let me give you the great secret right now: attraction begins with a willingness to let yourself be seen and known. Being “seen and known” isn’t dumping your deepest trauma on a first date. It’s showing your aliveness—your thoughts, your feelings, your humor, your enthusiasm—in the moment. It’s being curious about someone else while allowing them to experience you. Most people try to connect without vulnerability. They hide behind a performance, hoping to look perfect enough to earn approval. That doesn’t create magnetism; it creates distance. Real magnetism is showing up as yourself—5% more real than you were yesterday. My Turning Point (And Why It Matters to You) I know this because I lived it. For over a decade, from middle school into college, I believed I was unattractive and undesirable. Even when a girl clearly showed interest—like the first time someone kissed me at a sleepover—I avoided her the next morning. My story (“she’d never really want me”) was stronger than reality. Later, I dove into pickup advice, learning how to act bold and impressive. It helped me get dates but not real relationships. Why? Because I was still hiding my true self. It wasn’t until my late 20s, when I began practicing vulnerability, that everything shifted. You don’t need to wait as long as I did. The sooner you practice letting yourself be seen and known—even a little—the sooner you become naturally magnetic. Your Action Step: Be 5% More Real This week, don’t try to overhaul your whole personality. Instead, experiment with being just 5% more real. Share a genuine thought or feeling when you’d normally stay guarded. Show a little more curiosity, warmth, or enthusiasm in your next conversation. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about gently retraining your nervous system to see that revealing yourself is safe—and often rewarding. Closing Inspiration You don’t have to wait until you’re flawless to be magnetic. You’re already more attractive than you think. All it takes is the courage to be a little more real, a little more open, and a lot more you. And if you’re excited to go deeper into these skills, stay tuned: in October I’ll be leading a live, virtual workshop called Supremely Confident Conversation Master where we’ll practice these tools together in real time. Pencil in the dates—October 10th–12th—you won’t want to miss it. Until then, remember: have the courage to be who you are. On a deep level, you’re awesome.

Do you ever say, “I just don’t like talking to people,” or “That’s not my scene,” and leave it at that? In this episode, we dig deeper into that resistance—what’s really behind the stories we tell ourselves about not wanting to socialize. Whether it’s shyness, discomfort, or old fear masked as preference, Dr. Aziz unpacks how these beliefs can limit connection, joy, and opportunity. You'll learn how to move through that inner “I don’t wanna” voice, what it takes to build real social confidence (even if you're more introverted), and how to stop shrinking your world out of fear. If you’re ready to drop the excuses, expand your comfort zone, and experience more freedom in social situations, listen now. And if you want to go further, check out the link below to join the Supremely Confident Conversation Master workshop—happening soon.------------------ "Resistance and fear only have power if you let them control your choices." Do you dread networking events, parties, or casual social interactions? Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m not the kind of person who does this,” or “It’s just not my scene.” Over time, these stories create a version of yourself that avoids connection, missing friendships, opportunities, and growth. The good news: talking with people can be enjoyable—and even energizing—once you understand the patterns holding you back. The Hidden Block: Avoidance and Resistance Most social anxiety isn’t about the people around you—it’s about your internal response. Resistance, aversion, and fear mask themselves as judgments about the environment or other people. You might think, “Everyone’s superficial, it’s going to be boring, I don’t fit in here,” when really your fear of judgment or rejection is driving the story. Here’s the truth: naming your discomfort and recognizing it as natural is liberating. You don’t need to eliminate fear—you need to act despite it. "The truth will set you free, man. When you name your fear, that’s an act of courage." The Cold Plunge Principle: Embrace Discomfort Imagine a cold plunge: it feels awful before you step in, but exhilarating afterward. Social interactions work the same way. The initial hesitation is temporary—your mind says “don’t go,” but when you act, you experience confidence, connection, and flow. Terrible before, awesome after. That’s the reality of human interaction. The more you step into conversations, the easier and more natural they become. Over time, your nervous system rewires old patterns of avoidance. Steps to Actually Enjoy Talking With People Notice your fear: Identify what you’re avoiding. Is it judgment, rejection, or uncertainty? Connect with purpose: Ask yourself, “Why does this interaction matter?” Focus on curiosity, contribution, or connection rather than performing. Take small actions: Approach one person, start with a greeting, or ask a simple question. Each step builds confidence and reduces avoidance. You don’t have to become an extrovert. The goal is to feel comfortable in your own skin and engage as yourself. You can enjoy meaningful interactions without forcing charisma or overthinking every word. "Every time you step forward, whether it’s a hello, a conversation, or attending an event, you reclaim a piece of yourself." The Invitation Life is short, and avoidance only fuels regret. Social freedom starts with courage and intentional action. Step into the room, move toward connection, and allow yourself to be fully present. As you practice, the joy of conversation will replace fear and resistance. "You have the courage to be who you are. Trust it, embrace it, and know on a deep level that you’re awesome."

Most people try to manage their social anxiety — rehearsing what to say, overanalyzing every conversation, and worrying endlessly about what others think. But what if you didn’t have to manage it anymore? In this powerful episode, I share what it takes to eliminate social anxiety at its core. Not just coping strategies — but true liberation. You’ll discover the root cause of social anxiety, how your body unconsciously chooses fear, and how to reroute that pattern toward real confidence and connection. If you've ever wanted to go from anxious and self-conscious to bold and free, this episode is for you. Tune in now to learn how to stop avoiding and start living — and if you’re ready to go further, check the description for a link to my upcoming virtual workshop: Supremely Confident Conversation Master.---------------------- “Social freedom isn’t about never feeling nervous—it’s about never letting fear control your life.” Do you predict rejection before you even approach someone—before sending that email, making a phone call, or asking someone out on a date? Do you feel that inner bracing, that tension preparing for the “no” you fear? If so, you’re not alone—and there’s a way to change it. Understanding the Fork in the Road Imagine you’re hiking in the mountains and come to a fork in the trail. One path is treacherous, winding, and exposes you to danger—never leading to the town you’re trying to reach. The other path is rocky but leads to connection, safety, and community. Social anxiety works the same way: the “wrong” path is the one where fear dictates your actions, keeping you stuck in hesitation, self-doubt, and overthinking every interaction. The critical insight is this: social anxiety isn’t caused by other people. It’s not about their judgment, disapproval, or indifference. It’s about what you do with those perceptions—the fear, shame, and self-criticism that rise in response. Once we see rejection or judgment as dangerous, we retreat, hide, or perform, creating the very symptoms we want to avoid. The Real Problem: Patterns, Not People “Social anxiety is a pattern, not an identity. You can change the pattern and experience a different result.” Predicting rejection creates self-fulfilling prophecies. If you approach every conversation expecting judgment, your behavior shifts: hesitancy, guardedness, or over-pleasing takes over, which often leads to exactly the outcome you feared. But the good news is that this pattern is retrainable. By recognizing the automatic response to perceived threat, you can consciously choose a different path. Taking Action: Inner and Outer Strategies Inner Action: Examine your default rejection pattern. What do you tell yourself when someone says “no” or doesn’t respond as hoped? Write it down, notice it, and question it. Start creating new responses that empower rather than limit you. Outer Action: Gradually expose yourself to low-stakes rejection. Say “hi” to people in a busy area. Notice reactions—some will ignore you, some will respond. Allow yourself to experience discomfort without catastrophe. This is like exposure therapy: small, repeated steps that retrain your nervous system. The shift comes from seeing that a “no” is not a threat. It’s not the end of connection or self-worth. You’re learning to approach interactions with curiosity, courage, and authenticity, rather than fear. Moving Toward Social Freedom The ultimate goal isn’t perfection or constant approval—it’s liberation. Social freedom means you can connect, engage, and express yourself fully without being hostage to fear of rejection. You may still feel nervous sometimes—that’s human—but it won’t control your behavior. Take one small step today. Say “hi,” send that email, or make that phone call. Notice your fear, face it, and move forward anyway. Over time, this rewires your confidence and opens the door to authentic connection, lasting relationships, and meaningful opportunities. “You don’t need to wait for everyone to say yes. You need the courage to be yourself—and that is enough.”

If you've ever walked away from a conversation cringing, overanalyzing what you said, or feeling disconnected and uncomfortable… this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz reveals exactly what causes those awkward moments—and how to stop them for good. You’ll learn the different types of “awkward,” why it’s not actually about what you said, and how your inner narratives (not your social skills) are often the real culprit. He’ll also guide you through powerful mindset shifts that melt away social tension and help you show up more relaxed, confident, and authentic. Plus, get a sneak peek into Supremely Confident Conversation Master, Dr. Aziz’s upcoming virtual event where you’ll not only learn tools to master conversations—you’ll practice them live with others. Whether you want to stop overthinking, deepen connections, or finally feel at ease in any interaction, this episode is the first step. 🎧 Tune in now to break free from awkwardness and experience the power of showing up as the real you.-------------------------------------------------- Have you ever left a conversation feeling embarrassed, replaying every word in your head, thinking, “Ugh, that was so awkward”? You’re not alone. Awkward conversations are painful—not just in the moment, but in the aftermath, haunting you long after the words have been said. But what if I told you that “awkward” doesn’t actually exist in the way you think it does? Redefining Awkward: It’s Not What You Think Most people use the word “awkward” as if it’s a tangible thing, like a chair or a water bottle sitting in the room. “It was awkward,” they say. But here’s the truth: awkward isn’t real. What you’re actually feeling is discomfort—anxiety, embarrassment, or self-consciousness. And the other person? They probably didn’t notice a thing. When you start labeling your interactions as awkward, you amplify your inner anxiety. Suddenly, the focus isn’t on connecting—it’s on whether you’re performing correctly, saying the “right” thing, or being judged. That’s when social anxiety takes over, and the moment you could enjoy becomes a moment you dread. Three Ways to End Awkwardness 1. Notice Your Inner Critic Much of what makes a conversation feel awkward comes from inside. That voice telling you, “They’re judging you” or “You shouldn’t say that” hijacks your focus. Begin by observing this voice without judgment—it’s separate from you. Awareness is the first step to quieting it. 2. Focus on the Interaction, Not the Outcome Awkwardness often emerges from attachment to a specific result. You want someone to like you, or to agree with you, or to be impressed. Shift your attention from what you want to happen to what’s happening in the conversation. When you engage without needing to control the outcome, the interaction naturally becomes more relaxed and authentic. 3. Build Real Connection Skills Being comfortable in conversation isn’t about memorizing lines or following a rigid formula. It’s about developing presence, confidence, and the ability to relax into the moment. When you feel grounded and self-assured, the words will come naturally. You don’t need to be perfect—you need to be human and fully present. Awkward Is Optional The good news? You can learn to experience conversations without that inner turmoil. By redefining what awkward really is, understanding the source of your discomfort, and practicing presence over performance, you can transform every social interaction into an opportunity for connection, clarity, and confidence. So next time you step into a conversation, remember: awkward isn’t real. Anxiety is just a feeling, and it doesn’t define your interactions. You can walk away from every exchange feeling lighter, freer, and more connected than ever before. You have the power to end awkwardness—and embrace conversations that are genuinely enjoyable. Start today. Your confidence—and your connections—will thank you.

Welcome to this week’s episode, where we dive into one of the biggest emotional traps that keeps people stuck—guilt. Whether it's around setting boundaries, saying no, or just doing what you want, guilt can silently run your life. We’ll break down what actually causes guilt (hint: it’s not just someone else’s reaction), how to spot the invisible strands of the “guilt web,” and what it really means to live free from it. If you've ever felt selfish for protecting your time or space, this episode is going to shift everything. Plus, I’ll share exciting updates about the upcoming Supremely Confident Conversation Master virtual event happening October 10–12, where we’ll not only talk about this stuff—we’ll practice it live. Ready to stop feeling bad for being honest? Listen now and learn how to step out of the guilt trap—once and for all.---------------------------------- Guilt. Oh yes, guilt. It comes up in so many areas of life—relationships, work, social obligations. In fact, it’s one of the biggest obstacles to setting boundaries. Many people get stuck not because they fear conflict, but because they fear guilt—the heavy, internal tug that fires off the moment you consider saying no. But here’s the good news: you can shift this experience and navigate your interactions without getting trapped in the web of guilt. Why I Call It the “Web of Guilt” I call it a web because that’s exactly how it feels—sticky, entangling, and hard to escape. Imagine a spider web with a bug trapped in the middle. Every strand pulls, tugging the bug in multiple directions. Guilt works the same way. There are many invisible strands—often subconscious—that keep us tied to other people’s expectations, imagined or real. But just like some insects are resistant to spiderwebs, you can learn to navigate guilt without getting stuck. It’s tempting to blame the other person. You might think: “I feel guilty because I said no, and they’re upset.” Not quite. Guilt is internal. The other person’s emotions—whether upset, disappointed, or angry—don’t automatically trigger your guilt. Here’s a quick test: imagine a random stranger demands your meal at a restaurant. Most people wouldn’t feel guilty. Why? Because you don’t believe you owe them anything, and you don’t inhabit a reality where refusing is “wrong.” In real life, the people you care about matter—but guilt still comes from your interpretation of the situation, not from their feelings. How the Guilt Machinery Works You imagine the other person is hurt or upset.Even before they respond, you anticipate disappointment or anger. You step into a “bizarro reality.”In this reality, you’re responsible for all of their discomfort. Every missed expectation feels like a moral failing. The guilt fires automatically.Your mind labels you as selfish, bad, or wrong—even if your actions are fully respectful. Sound familiar? That’s why guilt can feel so inescapable—it’s a mental construct, not a reflection of reality. Healthy reality: You communicate what you want or don’t want authentically and respectfully. They may feel disappointed, but you haven’t done harm. Insano reality: You bend over backward to avoid discomfort at all costs, sacrificing your needs endlessly. Even then, disappointment may still occur. Living in the insano reality keeps you trapped in relationships, obligations, and roles you never really wanted—all fueled by guilt. Here’s an example: A friend invites you to a run that’s longer or faster than you’re comfortable with. You check in with yourself: “Do I really want to do this?” You might respond: “Saturday won’t work for me, but how about we run together Thursday instead?” Notice what happens here: You honor your own needs You communicate respectfully You offer an alternative without over-apologizing or overexplaining Guilt might still surface—but by staying anchored in your reality, you keep control and avoid the sticky strands of the web. But here’s some exciting news—very soon you’ll be able to sign up for Supremely Confident Conversation Master. The event is October 10–12, virtual, so you can join from anywhere. I’ll talk about it more next week when the link and registration are ready, but for now, just pencil the dates in—trust me, you won’t want to miss it. There’s going to be brand-new material: new ways I teach you how to feel interesting, know that you bring value to any social interaction, and gain the skills to keep conversations going without awkwardness, worry, or running out of things to say. And of course, we’ll practice these skills live in real time, just like all my events. If you’re not on my email list yet, now’s a great time to sign up—you’ll hear about the early-bird special and get first access. Guilt is internal, layered, and often imaginary. You don’t need to absorb or fix everyone else’s feelings. By practicing self-awareness, respectful communication, and boundary-setting, you can navigate social interactions guilt-free. And stay tuned—next week I’ll share more tools from Supremely Confident Conversation Master that make it easier than ever to feel confident, engaging, and in control in any conversation.

Want to speak up more confidently in meetings—whether it's a one-on-one with your boss or in front of a whole group? If you've ever stayed quiet even when you had something valuable to share, this episode is for you. We’re diving into what holds you back, how to shift the way you see yourself, and powerful tools to start showing up with boldness at work. Plus, I’ll share a special invitation to my only virtual event this year. 🎧 Hit play and let’s help you become more visible, confident, and influential in every conversation.------------------- If you struggle with speaking up in meetings, you’re not alone. Many people I work with are highly skilled, intelligent, and capable—they do great work—but when it comes to the social side of work, they retreat. They recede into the background, becoming the wallflower of the meeting. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s a one-on-one with a supervisor, a small team of two or three colleagues, or a large group of ten or twenty—this pattern shows up everywhere. For many, especially those who have a history of people-pleasing, the anxiety is subtle at first. They freeze, hesitate, or simply stay quiet. Virtual meetings can make it even easier to hide—camera off, muted, and invisible. I’ve had clients tell me that, since working with me, they started turning their cameras on during meetings, and they noticed a profound shift in how present and engaged they felt. Before, avoidance ruled their behavior. Now, with awareness and practice, they’re stepping forward. Avoidance may seem harmless, but it comes at a cost. Professionally, it can limit your growth. I can’t tell you how many people have shared with me that they were passed over for promotions—not because their work was lacking, but because they didn’t speak up. Others who spoke more, shared ideas freely, and took visible action often got ahead, even when their ideas weren’t better. This isn’t fair, but it’s reality. Social visibility matters. It also impacts your confidence and self-esteem. When you retreat, you reinforce the belief that your voice isn’t valuable. You diminish your own engagement and sense of power at work. But here’s the truth: showing up, speaking, and sharing your ideas builds confidence. It strengthens your presence. It reminds you that you have something valuable to contribute. So how do you shift this? Start by recognizing the root of your anxiety. Most often, it comes from a fear of judgment. You imagine that if you speak, someone will think you’re incompetent, awkward, or weak. That fear drives invisibility, pushing you toward the wallflower role. And that association—visibility equals danger—is deeply ingrained for many people. If you’ve ever been embarrassed, criticized, or dismissed, your mind naturally links attention with pain. But this association is wrong. Being the center of attention is not automatically dangerous or bad. You’ve been projecting your fears onto others, assuming judgment, when in reality, people are rarely as focused on you as you think. Understanding this projection is the first step in breaking the freeze. Your fear isn’t about them—it’s about the story your mind is telling. Once you recognize the story, you can start practicing presence. Begin small: contribute one idea in a meeting, answer a question, or share a brief thought. Gradually increase your participation until speaking up feels natural. Remember, visibility is a skill. Like any skill, it strengthens with practice. The more you engage, the less frightening it becomes, and the more confidence you build. Conversations—whether one-on-one, in small teams, or in large meetings—are opportunities to practice this skill. They are not threats. Each time you step forward, you prove to yourself that you can be heard, that your ideas have value, and that visibility does not equal harm. This principle applies beyond work too. Public speaking, social gatherings, even family discussions all benefit from the same practice. Every brave step you take in one arena reinforces your courage in others. If you want a focused, immersive way to accelerate this skill, consider my upcoming virtual event, Supremely Confident Conversation Mastery. Over three days, we’ll dive deep into conversation mastery, work on speaking confidently in any setting, and even explore storytelling to help you own the room. It’s a live, interactive experience—nothing compares to throwing yourself in and practicing in real time. If you’re ready to transform your confidence and your career, this is the opportunity. Remember, confidence isn’t about never feeling fear. It’s about acting despite it. Speaking up is a muscle—every time you use it, it grows stronger. The more you show up, the more natural it becomes. The wallflower in meetings can step into the room with presence, authority, and impact. And that is the work, the practice, and the gift of building real confidence.

If you ever feel anxious when interacting with others—whether you're sharing your thoughts, speaking up, or simply being seen—you're likely running a powerful, hidden pattern. In this episode, we’ll uncover what that pattern is, how it silently runs the show, and how to break free from it. Dr. Aziz shares a transformative insight about the story we tell ourselves—“they don’t like me”—and how this subtle but constant belief fuels anxiety, guilt, and people-pleasing. You’ll learn how to spot when this belief is activated, why it’s totally made up, and what to do to shift into a more confident, grounded state. Get ready to break free from the fear of being disliked, stop bracing for rejection, and start showing up with more authenticity and peace. Listen now and learn how to stop assuming you're being judged—and start being yourself.--------------------------------------   The pattern we’re talking about is imagining. It’s that inner feeling and the mental story that comes with it, usually subconscious, that creates anxiety in social, professional, or creative situations. You might not consciously think, “They’re going to hate me,” but your body, your nervous system, and your emotions respond as if it’s real. You feel discomfort, tension, and even dread because you’re imagining people being upset, disappointed, or disgusted with you. This pattern is incredibly common and is the root of chronic guilt, social anxiety, and discomfort around putting yourself out there. The critical thing to understand is that this anxiety is self-generated. Those images of people rejecting you, being disappointed, or hating you are largely hallucinations created by your own mind. Recognizing that you are generating this story is the first step toward liberation. Once you see it, you can start breaking the hold it has over you. There’s a part of you that Dr. Aziz calls the “safety police.” This part hates uncertainty and discomfort, so it predicts the worst-case scenario for everyone at all times. It’s trying to protect you from pain, like the rare instance of someone disliking you, by keeping you socially guarded all the time. The problem is that it overprotects. It creates the illusion that everyone might be judging or hating you, which makes life feel heavy, limiting, and anxious. You cannot control other people’s opinions, but you can cultivate internal certainty. You can know who you are, recognize your value, and be confident that you’ll be okay regardless of how others react. This is the form of certainty that frees you to take social risks without chronic anxiety. When you anchor in internal certainty, you stop needing to predict or control the reactions of everyone around you. Awareness is the key to freedom. You must catch this pattern in the moment. Notice when your mind is spinning the story that everyone dislikes you. Audit your life to see where this is happening—whether it’s emails, calls, meetings, or social interactions—and consciously step into action despite the discomfort. Ask yourself, “If I were fearless, what would I do?” Make a list of the actions that anxiety currently prevents you from taking. Then, start small. Send that email, make that call, speak up in the meeting. Remind yourself: “I bring value. I am okay either way.” This internal certainty shifts your nervous system and your experience entirely. As Dr. Aziz says, “You are making it up. Your nervous system is responding to a hallucination.” When you change this pattern, you create a whole different experience socially and in your inner confidence. The mindset you want to practice is simple but powerful: “I’ll be okay either way.” Step into action, notice the story your mind is telling, and anchor yourself in your value and resilience. That is where true confidence begins.

Welcome to today’s powerful episode of the show — where we expose one of the most common, invisible lies holding you back from confidence, boldness, and a fully alive life. What’s the lie? Just five words: “I can’t because I’m scared.” It sounds reasonable — even factual. But what if that story is not only false… it’s also the very thing keeping you stuck? Dr. Aziz dives deep into how this belief quietly controls your behavior, limits your growth, and keeps you from taking even small steps toward what you want — whether in social situations, your career, or your relationships. You’ll discover why fear and ability are not causally linked, and how separating discomfort from impossibility is the first step to reclaiming your freedom. This isn’t about pushing you into the deep end — it’s about compassionate, consistent progress. With the right tools, mindset, and willingness to be temporarily uncomfortable, you can create extraordinary transformation. 🔥 If you're ready to challenge your limits and step into more boldness, this episode is for you. Tune in now and take the brakes off your confidence.-------------------------------- How often do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”? Or perhaps you quietly suppress your own needs, thinking that if you just accommodate others, everything will be fine. If you've ever struggled with this, you're not alone. In this post, we'll explore why it's so difficult to ask for what you want in your relationships and how embracing your true needs can transform your life—socially, professionally, and personally. Why Do We Struggle with Asking for What We Want? We all have wants and needs, but somehow, the act of asking for them can feel overwhelming. Maybe you're afraid of being seen as "too needy," or you worry about pushing others away. This fear often stems from a deep-seated belief that we’re not enough as we are—that our desires aren't worth voicing or that others will reject us if we express them. Take it from my own experience. In my 20s, I struggled with boundaries in romantic relationships. While I could confidently approach women and start dating, once the relationship progressed, I found myself wanting to pull away. I couldn’t figure out why, until I realized that I had a hard time navigating the balance of wanting something and expressing that need openly. In fact, the issue wasn’t my ability to connect or the person I was dating—it was my inability to articulate what I wanted or needed, especially once I was in a more intimate dynamic. The "Nice Person" Trap: How Suppressing Your Needs Hurts You Many of us fall into the “nice person” trap, a pattern where we suppress our desires to keep the peace. This behavior often originates from the belief that we aren’t lovable or worthy of attention just as we are. We may think, If I don’t ask for anything, if I’m flexible and accommodating enough, then maybe they’ll like me and want to be around me. However, this doesn’t lead to healthy relationships. The more you deny your own needs, the more resentful and disconnected you may feel over time. If you're constantly accommodating others and never speaking up for what you truly want, you might end up feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or even disconnected from your own desires. A Simple Question That Will Change Your Relationships: “What Do I Want?” The key to shifting this dynamic is simple: start asking yourself, “What do I want?” This can seem like a small question, but it holds tremendous power. Whether you're deciding what to do with a friend, negotiating in the workplace, or navigating a romantic relationship, giving yourself permission to ask what you want is the first step toward creating healthier, more fulfilling connections. Let’s take a real-life example. My wife was planning a hike with a friend, but at the last minute, her friend couldn’t keep up due to a knee injury. They ended up hanging out instead. When we reflected on it later, my wife realized that while she valued the time with her friend, what she really wanted was to go on a hike. The key here was that my wife was able to reflect on her desires and communicate them clearly, leading to a healthier way of handling future situations. The Action Step: Practicing Healthy Self-Advocacy Now, it’s your turn. Here’s the action step I encourage you to take: Ask yourself what you want in every situation—whether it’s deciding how to spend your Saturday afternoon, navigating a work challenge, or addressing an issue with a partner. It’s not about being selfish or dismissing others; it’s about becoming aware of your own needs and learning how to express them in a healthy, productive way. When you start honoring your desires, your relationships will transform, as will your sense of self-worth. So, the next time you’re in a situation where you feel uncertain or overwhelmed, ask yourself: What do I want? By starting this simple practice, you’ll gradually develop the confidence to express your needs, build healthier connections, and embrace your worth. Embrace Your Worth, Live Authentically The journey to overcoming social anxiety and becoming more assertive in your relationships is not about perfection. It’s about being willing to show up as your authentic self and advocate for your needs with confidence. As you develop this practice, remember: you deserve to be seen, heard, and valued as much as anyone else. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, I invite you to check out my books and resources. Start taking those small steps today—ask yourself, “What do I want?”—and see how it transforms your relationships and your life. Until next time, may you have the courage to be who you are, and know deep down that you are awesome.

Today’s episode is all about you—what you want and need in your life and in your relationships. Whether it’s with a romantic partner, a friend, a coworker, or a family member, you are constantly navigating wants, needs, and boundaries. But how do you even know what you want—let alone ask for it without guilt, fear, or discomfort? That’s exactly what we’re going to explore together. If you've ever struggled with people-pleasing, over-accommodating, or avoiding conflict, this episode will be deeply liberating. Dr. Aziz shares personal stories—from relationship challenges to parenting decisions—to reveal how easy it is to lose ourselves in the name of being “nice.” He breaks down the roots of this pattern and teaches you how to reconnect with your desires, give yourself permission to express them, and advocate for what truly matters to you. You’ll also learn the MVP question that changes everything: What do I want? When you start asking this regularly, your confidence, clarity, and sense of freedom will grow. This episode is your invitation to step out of niceness and into a more powerful, authentic version of you.---------------------------------------------------------------------------   Have you ever found yourself bending over backwards in relationships, doing everything for others, and yet feeling like you're not getting what you need? Whether it's with a romantic partner, a friend, or even at work, the challenge of asking for what you want is something we all face. But here's the truth: without skillfully advocating for yourself, you’ll continue to miss out on the connection, respect, and fulfillment you deserve. In this blog post, we’re going to dive into how to understand what you truly want in relationships, why it’s often so hard to ask for it, and how to start changing that dynamic today. What Do You Really Want? In every relationship, there are things you want and things you need. This could be in a romantic relationship, with your family, or in your work life. We all have desires—things we want to feel seen, heard, and valued. But often, due to fear of being “too demanding” or not wanting to burden others, we suppress those needs. So, how do you know the difference between a need and a want? The key is understanding that your desires are just as valid as anyone else’s, and it's okay to ask for what you want. You don’t have to be the “nice person” who always sacrifices their own needs for the sake of others. Your feelings, wants, and needs matter too. The Dangerous "Nice Person" Trap Here’s a powerful insight that comes from my own experience: I used to be a nice guy. I wanted everyone to like me, avoid conflict, and always say "yes" to everyone. In fact, I spent a lot of time in my 20s in romantic relationships where I’d show up full of excitement, but the moment things got more serious, I felt suffocated. I couldn’t figure out why I was pushing people away—until I realized that my fear of setting boundaries was the real culprit. The issue wasn’t that I didn’t like the person I was dating—it was that I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted, or even recognize what I needed in a relationship. I couldn’t express my feelings and desires in a healthy, constructive way. And so, the anxiety about disappointing others, or being rejected, took over. How the "Nice Person" Trap Impacts You This might sound familiar. Maybe you constantly say "yes" when you really want to say "no." You accommodate others, avoid conflict, and overextend yourself, only to end up feeling drained, frustrated, and misunderstood. This behavior stems from the belief that you're "not enough" as you are, and so you strive to be what others want, even at the cost of your own well-being. But here's the truth: You have the right to want things. In fact, wanting and asking for things is the foundation of healthy, balanced relationships. When you deny yourself the ability to express your desires, it leads to resentment, burnout, and confusion. What’s The Solution? It starts with asking yourself a powerful question: What do I want? This simple but profound question will help you reconnect with your true desires. Whether it’s standing up for yourself at work, expressing your needs in a friendship, or asking for more in a romantic relationship, it’s about starting with self-awareness. Here’s a small example from my own life: not too long ago, my wife and I were in a situation where we had to decide how to handle our son’s bedtime routine. He was having trouble sleeping on his own, which meant she was constantly having to lie with him in his bed. Eventually, I had to ask myself, “What do I really want here?” I realized I wanted to spend more time with my wife and not be in a constant state of tension around this issue. So, I expressed my feelings, setting boundaries while also acknowledging her needs. The conversation was challenging but ultimately brought us closer together, and our relationship grew stronger because we were both able to share what we truly wanted. Final Thoughts: Start Asking for What You Want Here’s the liberating truth: It’s okay to want things. And it’s even more important to ask for them. If you’re ready to stop the cycle of people-pleasing and start showing up as your true, authentic self, it begins with claiming your wants and needs as valid and important. Remember, your desires are not burdensome; they are part of your humanity. The more you can ask for what you want, the more confident you’ll feel in your relationships, and the healthier those connections will be. So, start today by asking yourself: What do I want? Keep asking this question throughout the day in different situations. With practice, you’ll start to see how this small shift can create a massive transformation in your relationships. Until next time, have the courage to be who you are and know, on a deep level, that you’re awesome.

Do you feel stuck trying to be "nice" all the time? Always avoiding conflict, worrying what others will think, and saying yes when you mean no? In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals the hidden cost of people-pleasing—and why it’s one of the most dangerous habits you can have. From parenting to relationships to work decisions, this pattern can quietly lead you into situations that drain your time, money, confidence, and joy. With humor and real-life examples, Dr. Aziz shows how the gentle current of niceness can pull you far off course. You’ll hear stories from his own life—including a recent run-in with a pushy salesman—that bring this dynamic to life in vivid detail. Most importantly, he helps you recognize where this pattern shows up in your world so you can start making new, empowered choices. If you’re ready to stop being the “good boy” or “good girl” and start being you—bold, real, and powerful—this episode is your invitation. Listen now and take the first step toward more confidence, freedom, and self-respect.---------------------------------------------   Welcome to another episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, where we tackle the challenges of social anxiety, people-pleasing, and self-doubt to help you confidently show up as your true self. Today’s episode is about breaking free from the crippling grip of anxiety—specifically, how the need to control your environment can intensify your feelings of anxiety and hold you back. Why Do We Feel Anxious? Anxiety is an uncomfortable and unsettling feeling, often accompanied by thoughts of worry or fear. It's that nagging voice in your head telling you that something bad is going to happen, causing your body to feel on edge, frantic, or even panicked. Anxiety can show up anywhere—whether it’s in social situations, at work, or in personal relationships. But what if I told you that the key to reducing anxiety isn’t about finding a quick fix or a silver bullet, but about changing how you relate to the anxiety itself? The Need for Control: The Root Cause of Anxiety Here’s the truth: Anxiety often stems from the need to control. When we feel like we need something to happen a certain way—whether it’s for people to like us, to be successful, or to avoid discomfort—we trigger anxiety. We think, "If I don’t control this, something bad will happen." For example, consider the anxiety we feel about sleep. Maybe you're stressed about getting enough rest, but the more you stress about it, the harder it becomes to fall asleep. This is a perfect example of how our need to control a situation causes the anxiety itself. The more we believe that we need to control the outcome, the more anxiety we create. Stand-out Quote: "Anxiety comes from the need to control. The more you try to control something, the more anxiety you create." Shifting Your Relationship with Anxiety So, how do we break free from the grip of anxiety and control? The solution isn’t a magic pill or a one-time fix. It’s about awareness and practice. Acknowledge the need to control: The first step in breaking the cycle is recognizing when you’re trying to control something. Notice how your thoughts tell you, “I need this to go right, or else.” Sit with discomfort: Instead of avoiding discomfort or trying to control it, choose to face it. Anxiety will always be present when we try to control our emotions or outcomes. By allowing yourself to feel the discomfort without attaching a need to control it, you can start to decrease its power over you. Let go of the “or else”: Remind yourself that even if things don’t go as planned, you will be okay. By choosing to stop controlling and embracing uncertainty, you take back your power. The Long-Term Solution: Training Yourself to Think Differently The real liberation from anxiety comes when you train yourself over time to think and act differently. Just like building muscle at the gym, overcoming anxiety takes consistent practice. The more you practice letting go of the need to control, the less anxiety will dictate your actions. It’s not about never feeling anxious again. It’s about learning to respond differently to anxiety when it arises. You can train your nervous system to become more regulated, even in the face of discomfort. The more you practice this, the stronger your sense of confidence becomes. You Have the Power to Change If you’re ready to break the avoidance cycle and take control of your anxiety, the first step is acknowledging the need to control and learning how to let go. This may feel uncomfortable at first, but remember—you don’t have to do this alone. You can train yourself over time to build lasting confidence and handle life’s challenges without anxiety taking the lead. Action Step: Today, notice when you’re trying to control something. Whether it’s a conversation, your schedule, or how others perceive you, take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that it's okay not to control everything. Let go, and see what happens. Remember, the path to confidence is built one step at a time, and you are capable of taking that first step today. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and know on a deep level that you’re awesome.  

Are you caught in the gentle current of people-pleasing? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz breaks down the hidden dangers of being “too nice”—how it shows up in everyday decisions, subtly steers your life off course, and costs you more than you realize. With real-life stories (including a surprising run-in with a John Deere salesman), Dr. Aziz shows how saying “yes” when you mean “no” drains your power—and how to reclaim it. 🎧 Listen now to stop living for others’ approval and start living as the real you.  ---------------------------------------------------------- Do you feel like you're stuck in a cycle of social anxiety and avoidance? You're not alone. Many people struggle with this exact pattern, and if you're ready to break free from it, you're in the right place. In today’s blog post, we’re diving into the Avoidance Cycle—why it keeps you stuck, how it plays out in your life, and most importantly, how you can break free and build lasting confidence. Let’s uncover the truth behind this cycle and discover how you can shift from avoidance to confidence. What is the Avoidance Cycle? The avoidance cycle begins when you face discomfort. Whether it’s approaching someone you’re attracted to, speaking up in a meeting, or sending that important email you’ve been putting off, discomfort creeps in. It could be mild anxiety, fear of rejection, or dread of confrontation. In response, the brain seeks relief and takes the easy route: avoidance. But here’s the kicker—avoiding the discomfort reinforces the cycle. Instead of growing through it, you take the easier, more comfortable path, but that path leads to stagnation. Over time, the avoidance habit gets stronger, not just in big situations, but in smaller moments too. You start avoiding more and more, even when the discomfort is mild. Stand-out Quote: “Confidence cannot be built while we’re in the avoidance cycle. The key is breaking the pattern of avoidance and facing discomfort head-on.” Why Avoidance Holds You Back Avoidance seems harmless, right? After all, who doesn’t want to avoid the discomfort of awkward situations? But here’s the problem: The more you avoid, the weaker you become in dealing with discomfort. Just like if you avoid physical exercise, your body becomes weaker. Avoidance works the same way. The more you avoid social situations, challenging conversations, or opportunities to assert yourself, the more anxious and disconnected you become. This is exactly why social anxiety doesn’t just go away by waiting for the “right moment” to feel ready. You’ve got to choose discomfort. Only when you face the discomfort consistently do you start building confidence. How to Break Free from the Cycle So, what does it take to break this cycle and start building real confidence? The first step is acknowledging that you’re in the cycle. Once you realize that avoidance is keeping you stuck, you can make a conscious decision to face discomfort instead of running from it. Here are the key steps to breaking the avoidance cycle: Recognize the discomfort – Whether it’s social anxiety, fear of rejection, or self-doubt, acknowledge that these feelings are normal but not the truth about your abilities. Choose discomfort – When you’re faced with an uncomfortable situation, commit to facing it. The discomfort is temporary, but the growth and confidence you’ll gain last much longer. Practice consistently – Building confidence requires regular action. Start with small steps, like initiating a conversation or speaking up in a meeting. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and the stronger your confidence becomes. Stand-out Quote: “Confidence is a byproduct of action—the action that’s outside your comfort zone, the action that makes you feel uncomfortable or scared.” Breaking the Cycle Is Possible Here’s the truth: You have the power to break the avoidance cycle. It won’t be easy, and it won’t be instantaneous, but with consistent practice and a willingness to face discomfort, you’ll begin to feel more confident, more alive, and more capable than ever before. Remember, confidence doesn’t come from reading one book or watching one video. It comes from showing up, taking action, and choosing discomfort over and over again. An Inspiring Message of Hope If you’re ready to shift from avoidance to action, know this: change is absolutely possible. The more you practice stepping into discomfort, the more confident you’ll become. So, take that first step today. Choose discomfort. Break the cycle. Build the life you’ve always wanted—one step at a time. Action Step: What’s one uncomfortable action you can take today to challenge the avoidance cycle? Share it in the comments below, and let’s start building lasting confidence together! Until next time, remember to be who you truly are, and know deep down that you're awesome.

Are you caught in the gentle current of people-pleasing? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz breaks down the hidden dangers of being “too nice”—how it shows up in everyday decisions, subtly steers your life off course, and costs you more than you realize. With real-life stories (including a surprising run-in with a John Deere salesman), Dr. Aziz shows how saying “yes” when you mean “no” drains your power—and how to reclaim it. 🎧 Listen now to stop living for others’ approval and start living as the real you. ------------------------------------------------------- People-pleasing—sounds harmless, right? After all, isn't it just about being a nice person, accommodating others, and making sure no one gets upset? But here's the reality: people-pleasing is a dangerous game that subtly chips away at your confidence and can lead to big, negative consequences over time. Whether it's in your personal relationships, your career, or even your finances, playing nice can backfire, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected. In today’s episode, I’m going to break down the hidden dangers of people-pleasing and share powerful insights on how to start stepping into your authentic self, without the need to please others at the expense of your own well-being. If you’ve ever found yourself overcommitting or avoiding necessary conflicts just to keep others happy, this episode is for you. The Cost of People-Pleasing We all know that one person—maybe it’s you—who just can’t say no. Whether it’s lending money to friends and family, accommodating people’s demands at work, or giving up your personal time to make someone else happy, these behaviors seem harmless at first but can lead to resentment, burnout, and feeling like you’re not truly living for yourself. A big part of this people-pleasing pattern is avoiding conflict. The idea is to keep everyone happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs. But this constant accommodation keeps you from making decisions that are right for you. Over time, this gives rise to feelings of frustration, unfulfillment, and even emotional exhaustion. The Hidden Signs of Low Confidence People-pleasing doesn’t just affect how you feel about yourself—it also impacts how others see you. One of the first signs of low confidence is subtle body language: avoiding eye contact, slouching, or adopting a posture that makes you appear smaller. These small actions communicate a lack of self-assurance, and while they may seem harmless, they reinforce the idea that you’re not worthy of standing tall in your own life. Another hidden sign is hesitancy in your voice tone. When you’re uncertain of yourself, you might end your sentences with a rising tone, almost as if you’re asking a question instead of making a statement. This lack of certainty can make others feel uncertain about you too, undermining your confidence and credibility. The Freedom of Saying “No” What if you could embrace the power of saying “no” without guilt or fear? That’s right—by breaking free from the need to please everyone, you start to reclaim your personal power. Imagine not having to justify yourself every time you set a boundary or choose to do what’s best for you. Setting boundaries is not only healthy but necessary for building real confidence. For example, when I tell my kids they can only play on their iPad for an hour, they might protest. They may call me “mean,” but it’s my responsibility as a parent to set limits for their benefit. It’s the same in all areas of life: saying “no” when needed shows you’re taking ownership of your decisions, and that is what builds true confidence. Step into Your True Power People-pleasing may feel safe and familiar, but it ultimately holds you back from becoming the confident, authentic person you’re meant to be. The key to breaking free from this cycle is to start saying no, setting boundaries, and practicing direct communication—even when it feels uncomfortable. Your confidence will grow as you take ownership of your life, make decisions based on your values, and stop trying to please everyone around you. The more you practice being authentic, the more you will step into the powerful version of yourself that’s always been waiting to emerge. Take Action Now So, what’s the first step? Start by reflecting on the costs of people-pleasing in your life. Think about the situations where you’ve sacrificed your needs to make someone else happy. What impact has this had on you? The more you see the true cost of constantly trying to please others, the more you’ll realize that this is not the life you want to lead. Remember, saying “no” isn’t just about rejecting others—it’s about choosing yourself. And when you start making choices that honor your needs, your confidence will naturally follow. You are worthy of being your true self, and it's time to stop letting people-pleasing stand in the way of your authentic, powerful life. As always, until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you truly are, and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.

In this empowering episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz sits down with sales expert Colin Yearwood, who helps coaches and entrepreneurs grow their businesses by mastering the skill of sales—without manipulation or pressure. Colin shares his powerful journey from avoiding sales entirely to embracing it as a vehicle for freedom, purpose, and service. You’ll hear how he overcame the fear of rejection, stopped giving his services away for free, and discovered how sales can be one of the most selfless things you do when done with heart.Whether you’re a coach, creative, or just someone who wants to feel more empowered asking for what you want in life, this conversation will give you the tools to stop fearing sales—and start seeing it as a way to help others. Listen now and discover how changing your mindset around selling can transform your business, your confidence, and your life. ------------------------------------------------------------- In this engaging episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz is joined by Colin Yearwood, a sales expert who helps coaches, consultants, and entrepreneurs grow their businesses by mastering the skill of sales. Colin shares his fascinating journey from hating sales to embracing it as one of the most important tools for helping others—and for creating a life of freedom and purpose. Are You Afraid of Selling? You're Not Alone For many, the thought of selling is fraught with fear and discomfort. Colin confesses that he used to despise selling, even going so far as to give away his services for free. But that changed when a mentor pushed him to confront his resistance. He learned that selling isn't about convincing or manipulating others—it's about serving and guiding people to the resources they need to improve their lives. Why Selling Can Be a Force for Good Colin explains that selling isn't about pushing products or services on people who don't need them. Instead, it’s about helping others get the solutions they’re looking for—solutions that could make a meaningful difference in their lives. He says, "Selling is one of the best things you can do if you want to make a difference in the world." Through sales, you can reframe people’s thinking, offer them clarity, and help them bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be. The Key to Sales: Confidence and Detachment One of the core lessons Colin teaches is the importance of being unattached to the outcome of a sales conversation. He encourages people to shift from a place of neediness—where the focus is all on getting the sale—to a place of serving, where the focus is on genuinely helping the person you're talking to. This mindset shift not only makes you more confident, but it also makes the sales process more authentic and less stressful. The Real Story Behind Rejection A common fear in sales (and life) is the fear of rejection. Many people take it personally when someone says no. Colin dispels this myth by reminding us that rejection isn't about you—it's about the offer. He explains, "They’re not saying no to you. They’re saying no to the offer, not the person." This shift in perspective can make a huge difference in how you approach sales conversations and navigate the inevitable no's. What Mindset Helps You Succeed in Sales? Colin shares that his mindset going into any sales conversation is one of curiosity, empathy, and openness. Instead of focusing solely on closing the deal, he focuses on understanding the person he's talking to—what their needs are, what their challenges are, and how he can help them overcome them. This approach leads to better sales outcomes and deeper connections with potential clients. Sales Is Just Another Way to Build Connections At the heart of sales is connection. Colin points out that the best salespeople are those who approach every conversation with an open heart and a genuine interest in helping others. This means showing up authentically, being willing to listen, and not getting caught up in the fear of rejection or the need to make a sale. When you focus on connection, the sales process becomes much more natural—and far less intimidating. Takeaways: The Power of Sales and Service For anyone struggling with the fear of selling or worrying that they’re being “too pushy,” Colin’s advice is simple but profound: "Selling is about service. It's about helping people get what they need." By embracing this mindset, you can shift your approach to sales—and life—away from fear and manipulation, and towards authenticity, connection, and genuine support. Get Out of Your Own Way Colin reminds us that the key to success in sales (and life) is showing up as the best version of yourself. The more you invest in your personal growth, the more naturally your sales skills will improve. And even if you're not a natural-born salesperson, with the right mindset and the willingness to learn, you can succeed and make a meaningful impact on others. Listen Now for More Sales Wisdom This episode is packed with invaluable insights for anyone looking to overcome their fear of selling and build a successful business based on serving others. Whether you're in sales, entrepreneurship, or just looking to improve your confidence in life, Colin’s story and expertise will inspire you to shift your mindset, embrace the process, and start showing up with confidence. Final Thought: Selling doesn’t have to be about manipulation or pushiness. It can be about connection, service, and helping people make a positive change in their lives. By embracing this mindset, you’ll not only improve your sales skills—you’ll also create deeper, more authentic relationships and open doors to greater success and fulfillment. Listen to the full episode for more practical tips and powerful advice on overcoming fear and rejection in sales and turning your fear into confidence.

In this revealing episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz takes you deep beneath the surface of people-pleasing to uncover the root cause of "nice" behavior—and how to break free from it once and for all. Whether it’s avoiding conflict, constantly agreeing, or feeling guilty for asserting yourself, these behaviors are all symptoms of one deeper fear. Dr. Aziz shows you how to stop managing a dozen surface habits and instead zero in on the core emotional driver that keeps you stuck in patterns of approval-seeking and guilt. You’ll learn why the real path to confidence and freedom isn’t about “trying harder” to be assertive—it’s about upgrading your internal rules and learning how to handle the uncomfortable feelings you’re trying to avoid. 🎧 If you’ve ever felt trapped by niceness or frustrated by your inability to speak up, this episode is your roadmap out. Tune in now and start stepping into your bold, authentic self.----------------------------- Sales often gets a bad rap. It’s seen as manipulative, transactional, and something that “pushy” people do. But what if sales could be a tool for good? What if it was about helping others, building real connections, and empowering them to make decisions that could transform their lives? In today’s episode, I’m sitting down with Colin Yearwood, a sales expert who has helped countless coaches, consultants, and entrepreneurs navigate the world of sales with confidence and integrity. Colin’s journey into sales wasn’t a straightforward one—he was a self-described “late bloomer.” For years, he hated selling and avoided it, offering discounted work and even giving away services for free. But when he realized that in order to grow his business and help people, he had to get comfortable with selling, everything shifted. Through a combination of personal development and sales strategy, Colin transformed his mindset and his approach. Now, he sees selling as one of the most powerful tools for creating meaningful change in people’s lives. The Heart of Sales: Serving, Not Manipulating A common fear many people have when it comes to sales is that it’s manipulative. The idea of convincing someone to buy something they don’t need feels icky. But Colin explains that the problem isn’t selling—it’s how you sell. If you approach sales with the mindset of serving others, listening to their concerns, and finding the best solution for them, then you’re not manipulating, you’re helping. One of the biggest shifts Colin experienced was moving away from desperation. When you need the sale to feel worthy or successful, your energy will shift, and people will sense that. Instead, Colin encourages focusing on what’s best for the person you’re speaking with. Being unattached to the outcome of the sale frees you up to show up authentically and let the conversation unfold naturally. Stand-out Quote: “When you show up centered and focused on the other person, not on making the sale, that’s when the magic happens.” The Fear of Rejection: How to Embrace ‘No’ Sales, like dating, involves rejection. And let’s be honest—nobody likes it. But rejection doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Colin explains that a “no” from someone doesn’t mean you’re unworthy—it simply means your offer wasn’t the right fit for them at that time. The key is not to take rejection personally. When you stop seeing rejection as a reflection of your worth, it becomes easier to navigate and move forward. To get better at handling rejection, Colin recommends focusing on learning from the conversation rather than obsessing over what went wrong. After every sales call or interaction, take a moment to reflect on what went well and what could be improved. This practice allows you to build on your successes and grow from your mistakes, creating a continuous cycle of improvement and confidence. Stand-out Quote: “When you get a ‘no,’ see it as an opportunity to learn and refine your approach, not a sign of failure.” The Power of Curiosity and Energy in Sales Conversations Sales isn’t about talking someone into something they don’t need; it’s about listening to their needs, understanding their challenges, and offering a solution. Colin emphasizes the importance of curiosity. Instead of just following a script, be genuinely curious about the person you’re talking to. Ask questions that dig deeper, and truly listen to their responses. This allows you to align your offer with what they truly need. One of the most powerful things Colin does before a sales call is get himself into the right mindset. He spends time grounding himself, setting intentions, and reminding himself that the conversation is about serving, not just closing a deal. This preparation helps him show up with confidence and clarity, and it shifts the energy of the conversation. Stand-out Quote: “The more curious you are, the more connected you’ll be to the person on the other side of the conversation.” Turning Sales into a Personal Growth Journey Colin’s approach to sales is more than just a strategy—it’s a mindset shift. By focusing on personal development, emotional intelligence, and being present in each conversation, you can transform the sales process into a tool for personal growth and meaningful connection. The more you practice, the better you’ll get. Action Step: Reflect on your own mindset around sales. Do you fear rejection? Do you feel like selling is manipulative? Shift your focus to the person you’re serving. What do they need? What can you offer that would genuinely improve their life or business? By approaching sales as an act of service, you’ll start to feel more confident and less attached to the outcome. If you want to learn more about Colin’s approach to sales and personal growth, be sure to check out his website ColinYearwood.com and explore the resources available to help you master the art of selling with authenticity and confidence. In Conclusion: Embrace the Journey Sales is a journey of self-discovery, vulnerability, and growth. The more you show up with authenticity, curiosity, and a servant’s heart, the more you’ll connect with others and create opportunities for meaningful success. Remember, it’s not about making the sale—it’s about making a difference. Are you ready to stop fearing rejection and start selling with confidence?