This Club Suuucks

May 24, 2023 Prolonged Anticipatory Grief with Karen DeBonis, Author of the memoir “Growth."Anticipatory grief can occur for days, months, or even years before an impending loss and is experienced by many people whose loved ones suffer from chronic and/or degenerative diseases. Today’s guest Karen DeBonis, author of “Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived” spoke with us about her journey…which, gratefully, has a happier ending than most of my guests. From years of misdiagnoses, medical gaslighting, overcoming people-pleasing behavior, patient advocacy, and balancing work with caring for two boys—one of whom was finally diagnosed with a brain tumor, Karen tell us about the unique journey parents face when their child has a potentially deadly condition, and the post traumatic growth that can occur after your child fights a brain growth. You can purchase Karen’s book here:https://karendebonis.com/You can purchase Melissa’s new book, “Mom’s Search for Meaning” here: https://geni.us/MomsSearchForMeaning Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

Dec 22, 2022 Grief Following Suicide with Norine Vander Hooven, LCSWLoved ones of those who died by suicide have a uniquely difficult grief journey. Todays guest Norine Vander Hooven, LCSW, is a counselor in Westlake Village, CA, an EMDR Approved Consultant, the Former Chair of Youth Suicide Prevention Committee for the American Association of Suicidology. Today we discuss how we can support ourselves and others following death of a loved one by suicide. We also discuss some simple anxiety hacks we can all use to improve our mental health, and signs to look for if we suspect someone may be suicidal. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation call 988 in the US or go to: https://988lifeline.org/ You can learn more about Norine and her work here: https://www.norinevanderhoovenlcsw.com/about. For more information on Our House Grief Support Center go here: https://www.ourhouse-grief.org/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

DEC 15, 2022 Crisis in Faith During Grief with Stephanie Herrman, M.Theology Tragedy, grief and trauma can lead us to question even our deepest held beliefs, often resulting in additional guilt and shame. Stephanie Herrman, M. Theology – and long-time bodyworker and Pilates teacher – joins us today to provide a non-judgmental space to discuss what we can do for ourselves when we find ourselves questioning everything we thought we knew.To find out more about Blue Christmas https://nationaltoday.com/blue-christmas/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

Dec 8, 202 Kelly Farley, Author of “Grieving Dads” | Grief in DadsWe individually grieve differently, plus we individually grieve different deaths differently… and grieve differently moment to moment. Therefore, expecting two family members to grieve the same way at the same time forever and ever, is not a fair expectation. And there are gender differences as well! I’m a woman and can give my personal experience as a grieving mom, but this episode is for the dads and anyone who wants to better understand how men grieve their children. Kelly Farley is a twice bereaved father and author of “Grieving Dads.” It was my honor to hand over the mic and Warren Gibbons, father of Nolan and husband of former guest Sheila Gibbons. To find out more about Kelly you can go here: https://grievingdads.com/ For more information about Helping Families Heal go here: https://www.helpingparentsheal.org/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

Nov 17, 2022 | Grief Support for Families Who Lost Children, Jody Pupecki of The Compassionate FriendsThe death of a child is a devastating event not only for the parents of the child, but their siblings, grandparents, and other family members as well. Founded over 50 years ago, The Compassionate Friends now has over 520 grief group chapters for families in the US and is present in 30 other countries. TCF provides bereavement support for families in many ways, including virtual options, and has helped countless families cope with heartbreak of child loss. Jody started as a TCF participant. Her healing experience with TCF led her to become a Board Member today—a true shero. For more information on TCF : https://www.compassionatefriends.orgTo find a chapter: https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/chapters/chapter-locator/To find a FaceBook group for specific types of loss : https://www.facebook.com/TCFUSA/groups Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

Nov 10, 2022 | Adoption Grief and Compounded Losses with Candace Cahill, Author of “Goodbye, Again.”Candace Cahill lost her son. Twice. Once, after she was strong-armed into relinquishing him to adoption. The second time, after he died in his sleep not long after they finally met for the first time. Candace’s story will break your heart and put it back together. We discuss her unique periods of grief, adoption, compounded losses, complicated grief, and how her healing journey helped her find a level of compassion and forgiveness she didn't know she possessed. You can learn more about Candace here: https://candacecahill.com/You can buy “Goodbye, Again” here: https://legacybookpress.com/goodbye_again/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

It’s always vital to take care of ourselves, but especially important—and challenging—during times of grief. Life Coach Graciela Moore discusses some easy ways we can nurture ourselves at our most vulnerable times. So many great questions, practical solutions, and beautiful shares in this episode. For more about Graciela’s work, you can go here: https://linktr.ee/song.of.myself.ig Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

Oct 27, 2022 | End of Life Support and Death Doulas with Sharon Pollock Western society barely provides us enough time to plan a funeral, much less get affairs in order, grieve, or spend time with the dying. When it comes to saying goodbye, Sharon can assist you in multiple ways. Whether it’s keeping vigil with the dying, providing assistance with bureaucratic tasks and paperwork, supporting the family with meals or errands, or planning living wake or after death, Sharon can help plan the perfect ceremony to honor their life by creating and delivering a farewell true to them.  It may be traditional; it may be simple, and intimate; it may be outdoors in a favorite location; it may be full of laughter and joy. Where is it written that funerals need to always be somber events.Sharon's passion is creating unique bespoke services which honor your loved one, before or after death.You can find out more about Sharon’s services here: https://livingtilltheend.com.au/To find a death doula in your area: https://goingwithgrace.com/death-doula-directory/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

October 6, 2022 | Sudden Unexplained and Unexpected Deaths with Amanda Brindle, LSW from the SUDC FoundationSudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) is relatively unknown though it is the 5th leading classification of death in toddlers. SUDC is the sudden death of a child 1-18 years old that remains unexplained after a thorough autopsy and death investigation. Most of these children die in their sleep with no warning. Approximately 400 children a year die this way. Research and awareness of SUDC remains limited and there is little to no public funding. Without a cause – or causes—of these deaths, we cannot develop treatments, interventions or screenings. The SUDC Foundation seeks to promote awareness, advocate for research, and support families devastated by sudden unexpected or unexplained death in childhood. Today’s guest Amanda Brindle LSW is the Foundation’s Family Services Coordinator. She chats with us about the unique challenges faced by families affected by SUDC and the many ways the Foundation provides support.For more information about SUDC support services, link here: https://sudc.org/services-for-bereaved-families/For FREE Continuing Education for medical professionals, link here: https://sudc.org/medical-professionals/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

October 6, 2022 | Stillbirth and Birth Trauma with Dana Nassau, MFTApproximately 21,000 babies are stillborn in the US every year, often for unknown reasons. Suffering the death of a child you never got to know while your body is recovering from childbirth and very much preparing for a child who is no longer here is a unique loss and one that is often diminished. Former doula and current MFT Dana Nassau joins us today to discuss the unique grief journey facing families suffering stillbirths and how we can better support ourselves and others after pregnancy loss or trauma. More information about Dana can be found here: https://dananassau.com/about-me/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

September 29, 2022 | Losing Your Only Child with Sheila GibbonsThe death of a child is devastating in every instance, but what if they are your only child? There were some truly beautiful moments of sharing and healing in this week’s episode with Sheila Gibbons. Sheila recounts the best advice she was given: “People will tell you to live for your other children or your spouse (if you don’t have other children), but YOUR life has value.” Lupe, listener and founder of the “Ever in Our Hearts” bereaved parent group on Twitter offered, “While it was hard for me to get up, I didn’t want to get up. I wouldn’t get up. I don’t know how you guys with surviving children do it. Never think that because we lost our only child, our pain is worse. Because it’s not. We all just suffer in different ways.” For more information on Sheila and Warren’s son Nolan’s incredible music, you can link here: https://linktr.ee/nolangibbonsFor information on the Nolan Gibbons Foundation, you can link here: https://www.nolangibbons.org/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

September 15, 2022 Shari Wolf | Natural FuneralsWherein I learn that a burial plot alone can cost $20-$40,000 in Los Angeles. "I thought I couldn't afford to live, but now I can't afford to die either!" These are the things you want to know BEFORE $h*t hits the fan. Is it more fun to talk about sports/fashion/music etc? Sure. But knowing your options before shit hits the fan makes a MAJOR difference. We used “natural” or “green” funeral services when Alice died, and though I’d give anything to have her here, if she had to go, I will be forever grateful for Shari Wolf from Natural Grace Funerals. Some reasons to consider natural funeral options (From Business Insider): *Traditional burials use “Formaldehyde -a potential human carcinogen, and can be lethal if a person is exposed to high concentrations. Its fumes can also irritate the eyes, nose, and throat. Phenol, similarly, can irritate or burn the flesh, and is toxic if ingested. Methyl alcohol and glycerin can irritate the eyes, skin, nose, and throat.According to an article published in the Berkeley Planning Journal, more than 800,000 gallons of formaldehyde are put into the ground along with dead bodies every year in the US. That's enough to fill one and a quarter Olympic-sized swimming pools each year.”* According to the Berkeley Planning Journal, conventional burials in the US every year use 30 million board feet of hardwoods, 2,700 tons of copper and bronze, 104,272 tons of steel, and 1,636,000 tons of reinforced concrete.The amount of casket wood alone is equivalent to about 4 million acres of forest and could build about 4.5 million homes.”*Cemeteries “generally have sprawling, pristine lawns that require a ton of water, chemical fertilizers, and pesticides to keep them a vibrant green. These chemicals can seep into water supplies or harm wildlife, such as bees.They also use up a ton of land. If you added up the entire square footage of all the cemeteries in the US, according to Dobscha, it would measure 1 million acres of land.”* The cost of an average funeral runs around $10,000 vs natural burials which can be just a few hundred dollars and generally less than $3000. I know many of our loved ones didn’t know what to think when we used natural funeral services for Alice. But because she was not embalmed, we were able to have a beautiful and intimate home funeral that was meaningful for our family, who were all amazed by what was possible . She looked perfect. No death or formaldehyde smell. I will never judge another family’s funeral choices, but I do know that many people don’t know that these other options exist or that they are readily available. And like I said, the more you know before the $h*t goes down, the better you can handle the $h*t. To learn more about Shari's incredible work -- and her 501(c)3 which pays for funerals for young children-- go to https://www.naturalgracefunerals.com/index.html Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

September 8, 2022 Susan Lynch | Shane and Grief Shame is common with – and often complicates – grief. It also thrives in secrecy, leading to isolation, thus exacerbating the shame. Today’s guest Susan Lynch, author of “Life After Kevin: A Mother’s Search for Peace and the Golden Retrievers that Lead the Way,” speaks with us about “bad ways to die,” overcoming the fear that others will judge us and our children who died “in a bad way,” grief-shaming, and much more. For more about Susan, you can go here https://susan-lynch.com/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

September 1, 2022 KARE Farm | Grief Retreat From Melissa's blog, “If anyone needs a retreat, it’s the parent of a SUDC kid, but 0/10 parents want to be in a position to go to a SUDC Retreat. The word “Retreat” seems too insignificant to counter the SUDC part of the title… If I could retreat from the death of my child that would be stellar, but unfortunately, death seems to be permanent. I guess the word “Retreat” just seemed like a bad joke next to the SUDC acronym… I wanted to retreat all right, but I had the other meaning in mind. I was feeling more like the first definition of retreat, “the process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable,” and less like the second definition, “a place of privacy or safety.” As it turns out, there is no withdrawing from the difficult path of a bereaved parent; therefore, only the second definition is available.” (For full blog go here: https://motheringinmemoriam.com/retreat/)Today’s guests, Stephanie Pfenning and Christa Plummer from KARE Farm have created a beautiful, cost-free grief retreat at their Kentucky farm. After losing their respective daughters, they wanted to make a space where the bereaved could reinvest in life after loss without cost barriers. These ladies answered a noble calling and in doing so are providing much needed support and community for those feeling isolated by grief. It was a privilege to talk to them about retreat. To learn more about KARE Farm you can go here https://karefarm.org/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

August 25, 2022 Norine Vander Hooven, LCSW | Traumatic GriefOne might experience “traumatic grief” after a sudden, violent and/or unexplained death, or after losing one’s support system. Folks with traumatic grief often suffer from PTSD as well as complicated grief, making it more challenging to heal. Norine Vander Hooven, LCSW, is a counselor and consultant in Westlake Village, CA, an EMDR Approved Consultant, the Former Chair of Youth Suicide Prevention Committee for the American Association of Suicidology, and today’s guest. We explore the unique experience of traumatic grief and the available tools to navigate that difficult path. You can learn more about Norine and her work here https://www.norinevanderhoovenlcsw.com/about. Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

August 18, 2022 Myrah Tee | MiscarriageOne in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, yet the grief around these losses are often overlooked or invalidated. Today’s brave guest Myrah Tee has suffered four miscarriages, including one which occurred in the second trimester. Through writing and art, Myrah has become an advocate for those suffering miscarriages and a true beacon of positivity and light. We discuss the unique grief which results when you don’t know exactly who you are grieving, the effects of miscarriage on male partners, retroactive bargaining, and signs of complicated grief after miscarriage. You can learn more about Myrah’s work here Aspiretoinspire.blog. Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

August 11, 2022 Heather Hammond | Parenting After Child LossHow do you parent surviving children after the death of a child? Unfortunately, there is no clear answer. Model, blogger and fellow Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) parent Heather Hammond and I discuss the unique parenting challenges bereaved parents face and how we have worked to face those challenges. We explore how to authentically honor our deceased child while still enjoying life with our surviving children, how to help siblings cope with loss at an early age, and recognize that sometimes all we can do is take care of ourselves and our children as well as we can. You can find Heather on IG @kittyinferno. You can learn more about SUDC here https://sudc.org/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

August 4, 2022 Maurine Neiman, PhD | What to Do on the “Dates”After losing a loved one, certain days of the year can become more of a challenge than a joy. For bereaved parents, the child’s birthday and death anniversary can be especially difficult to navigate. Today’s guest, Maurine Neiman, is an evolutionary biologist and fellow Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) parent. From our own experiences—as well as ideas from fellow bereaved parents— we discuss ways to cope with difficult dates on the calendar. You can learn more about Maurine here https://biology.uiowa.edu/people/maurine-neiman. You can learn more about SUDC here https://sudc.org/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

July 20, 2022 Donna Jennings, PhD | Sexuality in Times of Grief Today we are joined by the wonderful Donna Jennings, aka Dr. J, a sex educator, author and editor. We discuss the neurophysiology of grief and the effects of sex and intimacy upon those neurophysiological changes. Topics addressed include how to assess your true needs and the meaning behind those needs, how to best communicate those needs, and how to negotiate differing needs. We also discuss differing grieving styles after the death of a child as well as the unique process of sexual bereavement and skin thirst after losing a long-time partner. You can learn more about Dr. J here https://drjauthor.com/quicklinks/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe

July 14, 2022 Melissa M. Monroe PhD, L.Ac | Supporting Grief with Acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine Before I was a mother, I was a Pilates and yoga teacher as well as a doctor of Eastern medicine. While I always treated bereaved patients, my understanding of grief deepened after the sudden, unexplained death of my two-year-old Alice. I discuss how my traumatic grief experience lead me to develop new protocols for grief and trauma. I have taught these protocols to fellow acupuncturists via national CEU classes. You can learn more about my work here http://www.melissamariemonroe.com/ Get full access to Balanced Body, Mind & Soul at mmmonroe.substack.com/subscribe