Soul Gum

We all have that one person who can ruin our day in less than 30 seconds. Why is it so hard to stay in our values around certain people? And how do we stop giving them so much power? In this episode, we're turning to the 19th-century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche for five lessons on dealing with difficult people, navigating conflict, and becoming unbotherable. If you've ever let a five-minute interaction ruin your entire week, this episode is for you.EPISODE OUTLINE - NIETZSCHEAN PRINCIPLES FOR BECOMING UNBOTHERED00:00 Intro9:13 1. Navigating other people’s opinions of you14:50 2. Let them misunderstand21:01 3. “They muddy the water to make it seem deep”24:30 4. Are you actually keeping the peace?31:10 5. Knowing when to walk away35:40 Lightning round recap38:08 Help keep Soul Gum ad free39:05 To Take Back a Life by Kate BaerEPISODE LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok

According to the existentialists, the core problem of being human is this: we are meaning-seeking creatures in a universe that is silent on meaning. But somehow, we're supposed to figure out what to major in, who to marry, and what to do with the approximately 30,000 days we get to be alive.In this episode, we walk through six levels of living a meaningful life as described by Simone de Beauvoir in her 1947 work The Ethics of Ambiguity, moving from brainrotten aimlesness to a life driven by purpose. If you want to live a life that feels meaningful but have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing with it, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: THE 6 LEVELS OF LIVING A MEANINGFUL LIFE (according to 20th century existentialist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir)  00:00 Intro 04:57 1. The sub-man 10:13 2. The serious man14:17 3. The nihilist 16:43 4. The adventurer 22:06 5. The passionate man24:10 6. The compassionate person26:27 but btw life isn’t a ladder 27:51 Reflection questions 30:20 Lightning round recap32:07 When Death Comes by Mary Oliver  MY LINKSMy debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠Follow Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok

The manosphere wants you to think charisma is all about dominance and control. But what if it’s actually about deep presence and social courage?I don’t want to be like the guy who uses scarce communication to hide his lack of depth and fear of commitment. I want to be like the people who make you feel cool just by talking to them, while radiating charisma themselves.If you’ve ever wondered why some people can have fun talking to literally anyone, struggled to know what to say when someone asks you a question, or wished you were more comfortable saying what you actually think, this episode is for you.In today’s episode, we unpack 5 habits of highly charismatic people, from what they say when they’re getting to know someone to how they navigate disagreements. Along the way, we’ll talk about what we can learn from Socrates about swag, dive into the science of answering any question well, and use Byung-Chul Han’s concept of “the smooth” to investigate how we can stay raw and real in a world that tries to sand our edges.EPISODE OUTLINE: HABITS OF HIGHLY CHARISMATIC PEOPLE00:00 Intro07:14 1. How to ask better questions 08:18 The science of how asking questions makes people like you 10:18 The power of follow-up questions13:41 2. How to answer any question without freezing 14:37 The scary thing no one tells you about writing a book 17:11 Why your mind goes blank when someone asks you a question 18:03 The secret to answering questions with ease 20:21 The link between storytelling and charisma22:40 3. Stop performing agreement in conversations 23:18 What is backchanneling? 23:59 Upspeak, confidence, gender, and the way we talk 26:05 Should we actually backchannel less?28:58 4. How charismatic people handle disagreement 30:27 What Socrates can teach us about intellectual humility32:14 5. Stop treating human connection like a formula33:36 Byung-Chul Han and “the smooth”36:13 Btw you’re not a chad for wanting to be loved39:04  Lightning round recap40:44 Poem: Small Kindnesses by Danusha LamérisMY LINKSMy debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok

Pumpkin spice apologists wya? It’s the great lock in Charlie Brown!!!!! In this episode, I’m walking you through the exact five-step seasonal planning system that dramatically changed my life a few years back. Along the way, we’ll dive into the philosophy and psychology behind why it works. We’ll talk through Nietzsche’s philosophy on habits, Simone de Beauvoir’s ideas on how to reconcile your past and future selves, the planning fallacy, and more. Whether you want to change the trajectory of your life this fall or just set up some systems to make life a little less chaotic, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: HOW TO PLAN YOUR FALL TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE 00:00 Intro06:21 I made you a worksheet ◡̈09:30 STEP 1: THE AUDIT10:36 Facticity vs. transcendence (de Beauvoir) 11:11 The importance of considering both your past and your potential12:55 Using self-distancing to self-reflect more effectively13:31 How to audit your goals14:56 How to audit your execution18:24 STEP 2: THE PURGE 19:07 The paradox of choiceCleaning out digital and physical worlds22:15 Choice architecture25:15 STEP 3: THE CHOICE25:55 The planning fallacy27:54 Optimism bias & why overplanning feels good29:00 STEP 4. THE TRADE OFF 31:25 Nietzsche’s on the power of “brief habits” 33:10 STEP 5. THE TIME 34:33 Temporal landmarks and why they make you more likely to achieve goals 35:44 the fresh start effect36:05 Kairos: the opportune moment37:28 Leaving room for life inside our lives38:13 Lightning round recapEPISODE LINKSGet instant access to the fall planning worksheet HERE. NOTE: If you can't find it in your email, search "YOUR FALL PLANNING WORKSHEET" in your email inbox! It is likely hiding in the Social or Promotions tab. My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowSubscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok

If your early twenties are for your Sylvia Plath fig tree allegory crisis, then your late twenties are for your Joan Didion Goodbye to All That crisis. In her famous 1967 essay, Didion writes, “That was the year, my twenty-eighth, when I was discovering that not all of the promises would be kept, that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and every procrastination, every mistake, every word, all of it.”This episode explores a strain of existential dread that often shows up in your late twenties: the possibility crisis. Sometimes it hits you after capital-S Something happens. A bad break up, a wounding professional failure, or a friendship ending that felt like betrayal. Other times, there is no one defining moment or incident. You just realize one day that you are no longer as bright eyed, bushy tailed, or hopeful as you used to be, and can’t put your finger on why. Using Didion’s Goodbye to All That as our guide, we break down three key signs you might be experiencing a possibility crisis and what it might be trying to teach you.  Along the way, we talk about how to cope with the realization that certain doors really do close, what to do when new people stop feeling full of promise, and how to let go of the fantasy that someday you’ll magically know what you’re doing. Consider this episode a field guide on the strange grief of growing up. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro 04:23 What made Joan Didion great?05:13 Signs of a Goodbye to All That crisis05:46 1. You realize future you is just you07:41 Weird girl money 08:22 The 90s’ overly adult depiction of your 30s10:41 2. You stop believing in new faces11:32 Hope springs eternal on Love Island12:09 Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first12:58 POV you’re 28 & have met every person alive13:55 3. Some doors are actually closing14:52 The first time I felt a door close16:14 When the doors start slamming left & right17:03 It’s easy to see beginnings and harder to see ends18:54 Perspective shifts that got me out of this crisis 19:29 1. Idk what I’m doing but neither does anyone else20:59 2. Trust means more when it’s a choice not an instinct21:45 3. On “it’s never too late”22:27 Possibility must be unactualized to exist23:10 The U-shaped happiness curve23:55 Has the internet made the possibility crisis start earlier? 24:28 Socioemotional selectivity theory25:25 The happy ending Joan Didion doesn’t tell youEPISODE LINKS⁠My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Follow Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok