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We've all got a lot of questions about Kingdom Hearts. Does it make sense? What was Nomura thinking? Is this allowed? And, above all, is it good? Sam, a lifelong fan, and Drew, a guy who kind of knows what's going on but not entirely, will find the answers to all these questions, or your munny back!
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If you've ever wondered what the heck is going on with Kingdom Hearts, you've come to the right place! In our first episode, we're talking about the beginning of Sora's journey in Kingdom Hearts Final Mix: the Destiny Islands and Traverse Town! Topics include PS2 belts-per-second specs, Kairi's iconic laugh, making convenient excuses on Nomura's behalf, and Sora straight up watching a man die.
Sam | Drew | Twitter
Disney adults, rejoice! After we get through our list of apologies for all the stuff we got wrong in the first episode, we're heading to Disney World! Oops, wait, sorry, this says Disney worlds, haha! Fortunately, neither of us have to play through the fairly miserable Wonderland and Deep Jungle, so we just get to enjoy the iconic tones of Brian Blessed and a guy who sounds kind of like Danny DeVito. Also, Donald gets a new girlfriend! Daisy will kill him!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
The Nasty Boyz are at it again! This time, we're being irreverent about Traverse Town again, Agrabah, Traverse Town again, and Monstro, discussing sword lore and door lore. How cool must a sword be to kill a Heartless? What makes a sword cool? When is a door not a door? And why was Pinocchio playing with a big pile of poop in that new movie? I don't know, but if I were one of the Nasty Boyz I might say that's a metaphor for Disney these days! Haha!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
This week, we visit the lands of earworms - Atlantica and Halloween Town! We're approaching the endgame already, somehow, but first we've got some more Ansem reports and a funny little bear in a red shirt to meet. Also, Sam's finally activated his brain to produce the first proper Crackpot Corner!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
We're approaching the end of Kingdom Hearts Final Mix, but we've got one Disney world left! Once we've stopped Riku from literally murdering Wendy from Peter Pan, we finally arrive at the extremely ominous castle of Hollow Bastion. There are villains to defeat and princesses to save, but most importantly we have a grandma's fairy tale to ponder! Is it actually worth thinking about this much? Only Nomura knows!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
I hope you like LORE, because this episode's ARPM (Ansem Reports Per Minute) is off the charts! We've kicked Ansem out of Hollow Bastion, and our reward is an armful of Ansem reports from Aerith. After that, we've got a world tour of secret bosses, each of whom rewards us with an Ansem report. There's more Ansem reports in this game than Ansem himselves! I'm sure that will never change, ha ha ha. Can you imagine? Anyway, next week we'll wrap up our discussion of Kingdom Hearts Final Mix, and then we're off to Castle Oblivion!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
We've finished our first game! Before we start on Chain of Memories, where the true Kingdom Hearts famously begins, we've got friend of the show Gigalithic of Zero to Zero joining us for a wrap-up chat about Kingdom Hearts Final Mix! We also talked about the pilot animatic we said we'd watch like four weeks ago. Oops! We had a great time experiencing the first game, and we know it had LORE, but did it have THEMES? The answer may surprise you!
Sam | Drew | Gigalithic | Twitter
The true Kingdom Hearts begins here! We're starting a new game, Re:Chain of Memories. Depending on who you ask, it's either very good or not very good. Does the dialogue sound like things humans would say? Not necessarily... but does it matter when most of the characters aren't humans? Hmm! Really makes you think. Fortunately, neither of us is playing the game. No cards for us, thanks!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
Great news for Vexen haters: this is the episode where Vexen dies! Join us in celebrating the demise of the bad face man, and also probably talking about the rest of Sora's story in CoM for way too long. We have learned the secret of Naminé, and the secret of Marluxia, but the secret of Axel still evades us. Maybe in another couple of games we'll find out what the h*** that guy was up to!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
Darkness darkness darkness, stench stench stench! Rank, dark, putrid darkness! ...Oops, sorry, I forgot I'm not in Castle Oblivion anymore and I can use other words besides those! What I was trying to say was that we finished Re:Chain of Memories with Riku's story this week. Against all odds, this game found a way to say the word "darkness" more often, but don't let that fool you - Riku's story is good! Grab some stinky darkness popcorn and brace your ears, because this episode also contains our first official Donald Duck impressions!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
The true Kingdom Hearts begins here! We're starting Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix, and we've got a new boy to try to understand. Who is Roxas? Is it just a funny coincidence that his name is an anagram of Sora with an X in it? Why is there so much sea-salt ice cream? Believe it or not, you will walk away from this episode with answers to all three of those questions!
Sam | Drew | Twitter
Sad news for Roxas fans today: we've finished the Kingdom Hearts 2 prologue. 😔 We will miss our skateboarding, letter delivering, struggle winning boy Roxas, but not for very long, because we'll be back in January to watch 358/2 Days! For now, let's enjoy the rest of our summer vacation, hold our gems high, and mostly talk about how DiZ is racist.
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
Hey, we said we'd be back in January, and here we are! We weren't lying! Last time we finished the prologue of KH2, and now we're jumping back in time to see what Roxas was up to for the past 358 days (/2). If you like hearing us say "ice cream", "clock tower", and a dozen dorky names with X's in them, you're going to love these next few episodes!
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
We're halfway through 358/2 Days and the plot is beginning to thicken! Just who is Xion and where did she come from? What are Saïx and Axel up to? Would Demyx be able to cry if you took his sitar away? Is Sora enjoying his nap?! Also, Drew offers up a crackpot corner that expands Sam's brain instantly!
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
We've had it too easy for too long. This is the part where 358/2 Days starts to get messy! Xion(?) is having weird glitchy memories(??) or maybe Roxas is(???) or something else is happening. We think we kind of get it, maybe. Plus, the biggest mystery of all is introduced: what is Axel wearing under his coat? Cool pants, or an adult diaper? There are no other possibilities!
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
Uh oh, it's time to be sad! We're wrapping up our discussion of 358/2 Days, and a lot of things happen, very few of them good. On the bright side, next week we get to go back to Kingdom Hearts 2! Donald and Goofy are there!
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
Ah, it's great to be back! We've finished our sad times with Roxas and, appropriately, are moving on as if none of it ever happened. Sora, Donald, and Goofy are back, baby! It's Kingdom Hearts 2 again! We've got old places to go and new people to meet. We've got Secret Ansem Reports to read! It's like putting on an old pair of giant clown shoes!
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
We sure did have a great time seeing Sora and friends again last week, but now it's time to get into the silly stuff. We're visiting Beast's Castle and the Land of Dragons this week, one of which is kind of an okay world! Pull up a chair and grab some popcorn and watch Sora get beat up twice in one week!
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
This week is our saddest episode yet, as we witness the endless humiliation of Pete. Why does this guy work for Maleficent? Why doesn't he use his literal time travel portal to his own benefit? Some men are just born to hench, it seems. Meanwhile, Hades comes up with his most nefarious plan yet: opening his own arena to compete with the Coliseum. Sora, you can't let him get away with this!
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
This week, we visited an action-packed THREE worlds, because the episode wouldn't have been an episode with just the first two. We've got Port Royal, Agrabah, and Halloween Town on our plate today, and it's a good thing that dessert is there waiting for us at the end of this incredibly bland meal! We barely talked about the first two. We were mostly busy talking about Donald Duck's Treasure Madness.
Sam | Drew | Twitter | Cohost
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