NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

5-Minute Reset for When You Feel Pulled Back Into the Trauma Bond If you’ve ever felt that magnetic pull to check their page… or that instant surge of anxiety when their name pops up — this quick episode is for you. In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a powerful five-minute reset to help calm your nervous system, stop the obsessive thoughts, and get your peace back — fast. Because you don’t need to text, check, or fix. You just need to breathe, reset, and remember your crown. 👑  Your Next Step in Healing ✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse? Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below: 🌸 Empowered Boundaries Course Learn how to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Includes 10 video modules, a meditation bundle, and lifetime access. → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ 💖 1:1 Coaching + Somatic Healing Reclaim your peace, power, and clarity in a private, guided journey with Christy. This is where REAL customized transformation is made! Save money when you sign up for 6 and 12 month! 3-Month Coaching Container → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Coaching Container → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Coaching Container → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey ✨ Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 ✨ Join the FREE Facebook Community for daily support + sisterhood → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade ✨ Snag your Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts for boundary convos that actually work → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/   Speaker 1 (00:00): Queen, are you feeling that magnetic pull to check their page, getting that spike of anxiety when their name pops up? Whatever it is, you're not regressing, okay? Your nervous system is just having a little flare up in this Thrivent five, I'm going to walk you through a quick emotional reset to get you back to calm, clear, and crowned. Of course, shine it up. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. (00:45) Alright? You're not crazy for still feeling that pull. Okay? Whether that looks like you're questioning things that happened, wondering if you made a mistake, wondering why you even did this. What did you feeling like guilt around it? All right? What happened to me? How did this happen? How did I even get here? And get there and get everywhere? Okay? Your brain built highways to respond to their chaos and healing means building detours, right? So today we're going to walk one of those detours together, okay? So stop what you're doing. If you're driving, you might want to save this for later and go back to it when you get to your destination, when you have a few minutes of quiet. So if you are in a quiet space, stop what you're doing. Take a breath. All right? Now focus on where your feet are grounded. You can stand up, sit down, but try to ground your feet on whatever floor you have beneath you. Okay? Take one. Slow inhale through your nose, 1, 2, 3, 4, and exhale through your mouth, six counts, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And repeat after me out loud. I am safe in this moment. (02:21) Okay? That one sentence tells your body, we are not in danger anymore or we're not in danger right now. So now move something. You can shake out your hands and your arms. You can roll your shoulders back. I love that. I love a good neck roll. Stretch your neck, side to side. Whatever feels best to you. This is your body reset, queen. It's your time to decide, right? It's time for you to get some decisions in this life. Alright? Now imagine the leftover tension leaving your body with every exhale. Okay? So let's say you're rolling your shoulders, just roll back and every time you reach a certain spot, imagine just releasing tension, releasing that tension out of your body, okay? (03:18) Are actually releasing the chemical residue of the trauma bond, the cortisol, the hyper vigilance you're very familiar with, right? So you can always pause this if you want, feel like you need a little extra or just go through the rest of the exercise with all of us, okay? So you've shaken at your hands, rolled your shoulders, your neck, whatever. Felt good. Now we're going to reframe, okay? So repeat after me again. And if you are someone who is missing this person, this is for you. And if not, we'll get to you. Don't worry. Okay? Missing them doesn't mean I made a mistake. Missing them doesn't mean I made a mistake. You're repeating after me, okay? Now, if you're wondering why you still are getting sucked in by them, why you're still responding, even when you know shouldn't, doesn't mean you want to be with them or you miss them. This can mean that you're still craving the chaos. Okay? So repeat after me. I'm craving the chaos, not the person. Let's make that clear. I'm craving the chaos, not the person. (04:42) Okay? Now, this will be basically for everybody. We're covering everyone here, okay? Because if you listen to Tuesday's episode, if not, you need to listen to that. But if you did already, we talked about peace not being as exciting as the chaos, right? Those ups and downs, highs and lows, dopamine hits. Peace is a little more consistent, which is great. Stable, which is great, but it can feel boring, especially when you are used to those spikes. So it might feel boring. But boring is when you know you're healing. You need this, okay? So remind yourself, repeat after me. Peace might feel boring, but boring is healing. Peace might be boring, but boring is healing. So every time you reframe it like that, you weaken that old wiring, that chaos is love. That this addiction to the dopamine is fun and great. It's not. It's stanky. (05:52) Okay? Now let's get a little sparkle return. Okay? Close your eyes. Picture your gold shiny crown. Okay? That glowing reminder that you belong to yourself. Now you're not under the thumb of that narcissist. Inhale golden light. Exhale the residue of their energy. Ugh. Get it away. Get it away. Inhale your light. If you're a God person, that can be God's light. Exhale, the negative energy that is no longer yours doesn't serve you. Goodbye. Okay, now smile. Even if it's a tiny one, even if it's a little bitty smile, that's your nervous system, remembering joy, remembering peace. (06:53) Let yourself sit in that for a second with that crown, that beautiful golden light. It's yours. You have control of it. You can tap into it at any time. Save this or any of my thrives and fives for easy access to tapping into yourself. Okay? So you just took back a little piece of your power in five minutes. If you want more tools like this to stay grounded, you can grab my boundaries Pocket guide, right? If you need to set some boundaries or the Empowered Boundaries course for deeper healing, and if you want insane transformation, you are ready. You are over this, done with it, and you're ready to actually take an hour, hour a week. I am holding you to that. It is, this is weekly work with me and you get access in between. So if you're someone who's ready to show up and glow up, go check out my three month one-on-one program. (07:58) It is epic. It is transformational. You're already a queen. You're going to be a double queen, okay? So go check out those ways to work with me and I will see you in the next, not see you. I will talk to you. You can imagine what I look like, but I won't be there. Should I do these on video? I did a few of 'em. Tell me if you would like these on video or if you are a podcast person in the Facebook group. Yes, speaking of which, join my free Facebook group. That's where all the magic happens. Can you imagine? There's more magic that is always in the show notes too. So yes, tell me in there if you would like video or you like audio is good for you. Alright? And don't forget to follow my podcast on the main page of wherever you are listening to this. You go to my main page on whatever platform and just hit the follow button so you can follow my podcast. See? So you don't miss of this magic glitter. Okay? All right, I love you. I will see you in the next, I'm just going to, maybe it's God saying you need to do video. Maybe I'll see you in a video soon, huh? Smooches deuces later.

You finally broke free — but why does it still feel so hard to breathe? In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down what no one tells you about life after the trauma bond. If you’ve ever caught yourself craving the chaos, feeling pulled to respond to that text, or getting triggered by their name — even though you know they’re toxic — this one’s for you. You’re not weak. You’re not “going backward.” You’re experiencing what Christy calls the trauma bond hangover — that emotional, mental, and physical crash that happens when your body is detoxing from dysfunction. 👑 Your Next Step in Healing ✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse? Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below: 🌸 Empowered Boundaries Course Learn how to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Includes 10 video modules, a meditation bundle, and lifetime access. → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ 💖 1:1 Coaching + Somatic Healing Reclaim your peace, power, and clarity in a private, guided journey with Christy. This is where REAL customized transformation is made! → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey ✨ Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 ✨ Join the FREE Facebook Community for daily support + sisterhood → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade ✨ Snag your Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts for boundary convos that actually work → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ 💬 Episode Highlights Why guilt spikes when a toxic parent gets older or sick The truth about “honoring your parents” — and what that really looks like in abuse recovery How to stop confusing compassion with obligation Nervous system tools to stay grounded when guilt-tripping starts Christy’s personal reflection on balancing empathy with self-care 🩷 Let’s Connect Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ Email me! fiercemamac@gmail.com   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Alright, so you finally got out, you blocked, deleted. Maybe you even changed your number. So why does it still feel like you've been hit by a damn emotional freight train? Today we're going to talk about the part no one really warns you about the trauma bond hangover, the weird, awful mix of craving the chaos, feeling that pull to check their page or getting instantly triggered when their name pops up on your phone. I know that one, even when you know they're toxic, your body's still wired to respond like it is life or death. So you're not weak, you're healing from an emotional addiction. So we're going to talk about what is really going on underneath and how to help calm that nervous system so you can finally actually start to feel free. (00:53) Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there and let's cue your royal glow up. (01:51) Okay, queen, let's be honest, nobody really talks about this part. Everyone cheers you on when you're finally leaving the narcissist. You did it, you're free. I hated that mofo. But what happens when freedom doesn't just immediately feel peaceful? You may think you're going to get this huge relief and you may get some, but you expected more and it could be years later and you could still be stuck in feeling that lack of peace. So what happens when your brain keeps checking for danger or your body jolts every time you see their name, you're out of the relationship technically, but it still feels like they are living rent free in your damn head. That is the trauma bond hangover. And if you're in it, oh honey, I get it. I have been there. It is not a fun place. It is not a fun carnival and we want to help you get out. (02:42) Okay, so I first, what is the trauma bond hangover? It is what happens when your body is still addicted to the roller coaster even though you've stepped off the ride. That's what we talk about somatic healing that I do with my clients. That's why we do that body work because your body is still stuck. So your brain was trained literally to associate chaos with connection, okay? Every love bomb, every cruel text, every silent treatment created these chemical spikes and crashes all about the rollercoaster, the dopamine, cortisol, all of it out of balance. So now when you try to rest, your nervous system doesn't know what to do. It's like what? Where's the next hit? Where's the next crisis? It's not that you miss them. Technically you miss the chemical storm or you get pulled in because it's so familiar. So it's not like, yes, you're not laying there going, God, I miss being sucked in the drama and I miss those highs and lows. (03:53) You're not like consciously sitting there thinking about that, but your body is responding and it responds to what's comfortable. So if you get that jolt and your body goes, oh, this is comfortable, I'm getting that pang of fear that I see when I see this person's name, because when you lived with them and let's say they were physically abusive to you, even mentally abusive, it's all abuse. When you were dealing with it on a more intimate level, your body responded in a way, kind of like a survival mode way, and now your body is still stuck in that. It's having that same trigger and the same addiction technically. So your body, I don't want to say you miss the chemical storm, but your body misses. It became dependent on it, and your brain mistakes that storm for love because that's what it learned. I want to go say that's what it was conditioned for by your lovely narc. (04:54) Okay, so let's be real. Trauma bonds do not dissolve the moment you block someone. That's just not how it works. Your body has to unlearn survival mode, and that's why we love somatic healing. But why does the healing feel harder than the leaving? So leaving takes adrenaline, okay, you're in action mode. You pack your things, you make a plan, you move. Healing is when you're away, maybe not completely away, but you're physically away in that daily sense, right? The more frequent being with this person, and that's when the silence hits. So that adrenaline fades and emotions rush in. It kind of reminds me of if you're, let's say caring for a very sick parent and you have adrenaline, you're taking them to the doctors, you are having a lot of immediate emotions worrying. Are they going to get so sick they pass, or is this the time I've gone through this myself? (06:04) So I'm just comparing something that feels a little similar to me, right? It's all this adrenaline, it's what your body does in survival mode and to focus. You're talking to doctors, you're making things happen, getting the images from the hospital, doing all this. You're in go, go, go mode. And when they pass, there is a span of time where yes, that adrenaline continues. You're making the calls, you're talking people, you're hosting people, you're arranging, making all the arrangements. And then they say, always check on your friends. A few weeks after someone, a parent or someone close, whatever has passed, because that's when the silence trickles in. That's when the people aren't around as much and the adrenaline calms and you are with your thoughts and your fears and everything in silence, and the emotions can really rush in. Then so you start feeling everything you stuff down to basically survive, and that's when the cravings come. (07:17) So the urge is to text, to peek at their profile even if you don't want to be back with them, and maybe you do, maybe you're in a place where you're questioning, did I make a mistake? I know that that can happen especially immediately after, but let's say you're further down the journey and you're like, hell no, I don't want to go back to that. But you still find yourself rereading their text messages, analyzing, talking to your friends about it, and even if you know they're baiting you, even if you know they haven't changed, you still do these things. Your body is saying, this silence feels unsafe. So you are at war. Your heart, your brain, your body, they're having different stories. Go on because for so long, chaos felt like home chaos felt like home, and I'm so glad it's not your home baby girl. (08:13) But your body's still feeling like that. It's still comfortable with that. You might get triggered by the tiniest things, a song, a smell, a message, and this could be a nostalgic feeling or it could trigger you, and you get mad when you think about that person. I'm not saying it has to be one specific emotion, but it can trigger any emotions. Maybe you feel a buzzing under your skin like you're waiting for something bad to happen, right? That's not weakness. That is your nervous system trying to find the new normal. Like I said, it does not happen overnight. So how do we get through this hangover without taking their bait, without texting them back or losing our damn marbles? So we have to talk a little strategy. It can feel impossible if you don't understand what's happening. Your brain can just fire all over with all the different ideas and let me try to be the nice guy. (09:17) Let me yell back at them, right? There's all these different ideas that spiral and you s

In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a simple five-minute process that helps you protect your child’s emotional safety when dealing with a narcissistic parent. Instead of reacting from fear, conditioning, or pressure to “keep things smooth,” you’ll learn how to regulate your body, detach from the narcissist’s hooks, and model calm authority your child can immediately feel. This micro-training focuses on one small but powerful shift: stabilizing your own nervous system so your child learns emotional safety, discernment, and self-trust — even when the other parent continues their chaos. These five minutes will change how you show up in high-conflict moments. Feeling stuck in the mental loop of the narcissist? Let’s reset it. If you’re tired of the obsessive thoughts, emotional triggers, or constantly replaying what happened, my Calm & Clarity Reset Call is designed to help you shift out of that spiral quickly. In this focused 1:1 session we’ll calm your nervous system, untangle what’s actually keeping you stuck, and create clear next steps so you can move forward with confidence. Book your Reset Call here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/ 3-Month Coaching Container: Reclaim Your Peace This container is designed for women who are ready to stabilize their nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and start creating real emotional freedom after narcissistic abuse. Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Coaching Container: Queens of Peace For deeper healing and long-term transformation. Together we work through trauma patterns, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and rebuilding the life you want after abuse. Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Coaching Container This is the highest level of support for women ready to fully reclaim their power and build a life that feels peaceful, confident, and aligned. Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free) https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today's Thrive in five is all about your energy and moments when the narcissistic parent creates tension because your kids absorb your state more than the actual words that are spoken, right? They're little sponges. So you're going to teach your child safety by regulating yourself first, right in the moment. So we're going to give you this advice. You can save this if you're feeling it right now. You can use it now, but you can listen to know what to do. And then definitely save this episode. So in the moment you can refer to it and maybe you can even take little notes. But this is definitely a saver episode. Alright, so you're going to set your timer for five minutes, okay? (01:06) Get yourself a little timer. It can be on your phone. One of those cute ones you have in the kitchen, the little kitchen timers. I have one that's a little mushroom. It's so cute. Alright, squirrel. Okay, so five minutes. Minute one, you're going to notice your body's alarm system. So think of that last text demand or surprise request from the narcissistic parent, right? And your body probably does one of these things. The chest tightens, the stomach drop. I know that one. The shoulders rise all the way up to your ears and your breath gets shallow, right? One of those two of those, all of those. So first, in that first minute, notice it name the sensation out loud like my chest feels tight. Naming it out loud equals calming it. Okay? True, true facts, only true facts here on the Queen's show. Alright, minute two, you're going to then slow the pace for your child. (02:11) Kids mirror your nervous system. Okay? Remember that? So you can repeat this three breath pattern and you can do it silently or with your child if they're present to teach them, right? We're role modeling and teaching our children what to do when stress comes about. So one, you're going to inhale through your nose. Two, you're going to hold it for two seconds, and three, you're going to exhale a little longer than that. Inhale. And this tells your child and yourself, we handle intensity with calm, not chaos. Opposite of the lovely narc, right? We want to be opposite. So we handle intensity with calm, not chaos. Minute three, detach from that narcs hook. Okay? Ask yourself, what is the fact here? Not the feeling. I get it. We are all up in our feelings. We're empaths. We're good hearted people, we've been mind ed, right? I get it. (03:22) But we need to role model and give ourselves peace. So what is the fact? So what's an example of that? The feeling is he's trying to control me again and getting triggered. The fact is pickup is at four. That's all I need to address. Whatever he's trying to do, we don't need to worry about. It's good to know that, right? That's very helpful when you're learning about the narcissist. But we know that already now at this point. Yeah, but our focus is the fact, whatever the deal is, pickup, set for whatever facts are safe, that's our safety feelings. That is the narcissist playground, right? They want to see and feel and hear all your feelings. That's you taking their bait. So this reduces your reactivity and models discernment for your kid, no matter how old they are, if they're two or they are 18. Alright, minute four, we're going to choose one sentence of calm authority. (04:32) So pick one neutral boundaried line, like per the order pickup remains at four o'clock. Or I'll refer to the agreement or I'm not available for additional changes. Short and steady to the point. I always say, don't take the bait, don't get emotional, keep it short. And that equals emotional safety for your child too. Okay? So this is the piece that those kids internalize for life. How are you responding? Calm and authoritative, right? Per the order. Pickup remains at four. It's just the facts. People. We're queens. We don't have time for all these big emotions. Okay? Number five, we're minute five. Sorry. Teach your children one mini skill, okay? And again, refer back to Tuesday's episode. If you have not listened to that, please go listen to that. That's going to really dig into the best ways to deal with the entire situation with a narcissist, dealing with the kids and all of the toxic things you don't want to do yourself. (05:52) And how to keep the peace, but in a way that isn't what you normally would do with someone who's not toxic. So please watch. Listen to that episode if you haven't. So right after contact with the narcissistic parent, you're not going to trash talk them, right? You're going to do the mature adult thing that will keep peace for you and your child. You can't control the narc, okay? Do this one grounding micro practice with your child. And this one, you get to even call it a fun little cute child thing. The butterfly hug. And it's 30 seconds and anyone can learn this and it is good for you. It's good for a 2-year-old. It's good for that 15-year-old who's going to roll their I. So you just cross your arms over your chest. You tap the left side right on the top of your arm tap. (06:46) I'm doing it right now if you can hear, I'm giving myself a good old butterfly hug. And then tap the right, tap the left. Tap the right while you are slowing your breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth. Tap left, tap right. Okay. So cross arms over chest tap left tap right, tap left, tap right. Slow breathing until you feel your nervous system calm. But 30 seconds is a good amount of time and you can say your body knows how to keep you safe. So this teaches them to trust the intuition that therapists, some therapists tell them to ignore that. Tell them to push through and to keep the peace. That's the keeping the peace that I'm not here for. We're not bypassing feelings. We are honoring our intuition, their intuition and teaching them your body knows how to keep you safe. And doing the butterfly hugs. (07:54) There's other examples too, but that's a good one is very important to me. So you don't change a narcissist, you're not going to change the narcissist, but you can change the energetic environment that your child grows up in while they're in your care. And they can do these things. And I know a narc is very controlling, so maybe they can't do it right in the middle of an interaction with their narc parent. But you can tell them if you ever have a tense situation at narc, parents, don't call 'em narc, but narc parents home and there's an interaction that makes you sad or upset, just don't take the bait. You can teach them in children's terms of not taking the bait, just kind of gray rocking a. And when they get a chance to be in private, to go to their room or whatever, teach them the grounding skills they will need because they will need them. (09:05) And again, I say not everyone wants to really say all this out loud. If your child is a child of a narcissist, they need to be prepared. That's okay. We are where we are here. We can't change the past, we can't change what happened. All we can do is do the best with where we are. And your child can still be an amazing, healthy individual. They have you as a parent that is getting healthy, that's learning these tools that cares immensely for them. So they're ahead of a lot of people. Look, there are people with two parents that nobody really teaches them any tools or how to do X, Y, Z. So you are prepared, you're getting

Ready to stop feeling like a doormat in your own life? Snag your FREE copy of “Bye, Guilt. Hello, Boundaries! Guide to Boundaries That Stick (Without the Guilt Spiral)” https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 This isn’t your typical fluffy PDF. You’ll learn how to: 💥 Ditch guilt for good 💥 Set boundaries that actually hold up (even with narcissists) 💥 Protect your peace like the queen you are This guide is your first step to saying nope with confidence—and meaning it. — 🎧 EPISODE BREAKDOWN: Let’s be honest—co-parenting with a narcissist is next-level. You’re not just managing a schedule… you’re managing chaos, manipulation, and emotional landmines. In this episode, I’m breaking down: The #1 mindset shift that will change the game Boundaries that actually work with a narcissistic co-parent Scripts and strategies to stay calm, clear, and in control Why traditional co-parenting advice fails (and what to do instead) This is your permission slip to stop playing nice and start protecting your peace. — 💬 Join my private FREE Facebook group for support + healing: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 — 💥 Want to go deeper with boundaries at podcast listener's VIP pricing?! Check out my Empowered Boundaries Course—a self-paced journey to help you stop people-pleasing and start standing tall in your truth. 👉 https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/?coupon=QUEEN50 — Let’s connect: 💖 Instagram: @fiercechristyjade 💬 Email support & coaching: fiercemamac@gmail.com    👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing   :   ---   Speaker 1 (00:00): Tired of feeling like your narcissistic ex is still controlling your life somewhat, even after the breakup you're trying to co-parent. But it feels more like combat. Let's be real, right? Boundaries should help. So why do they not seem to work with them today? We're getting into y narcissists are different beasts when it comes to co-parenting and some boundary strategies that actually work. Let's go clean. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. (01:03) Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, it is Christa. Today we're diving into one of the most exhausting post abuse challenges, co-parenting with a narcissist. Let's be real. This is not normal. This is parallel parenting with a manipulative, self-serving adult child who uses the kids as pawns and the drama as fuel. They love that drama and that's why, oh, just communicate better or take the high road advice from well-meaning people doesn't work here. It doesn't work. And so let's break it down. Why are they different? Right? First, they don't want peace. (02:10) Some healthy minded individuals after a divorce may be hurt, but they really do want peace in the end. So they might disagree with you, but they actually want the resolution a narcissist. They want what control. We know that chaos, they actually want chaos and a reaction. You're feeding them even if it's a negative reaction. So if your boundaries are focused on keeping the peace, you're already playing their game. Okay? Number two, they weaponize everything. So information, your tone, the kid's schedule, anything can be twisted. This means your boundaries have to be so tight, minimal. And my part of what I teach in my boundaries course and elsewhere is emotionless. And that's hard. That's hard for a lot of you, and it was hard for me, but there's ways to do it, okay? And number three, they see boundaries as attacks. They're not seeing, you're protecting yourself. (03:19) They're seeing you attacking them. So it's a rejection. And we all know that narcissists cannot handle rejection. So they'll either push back on it, they'll guilt trip you, or one of the worst things, especially when you're dealing with co-parenting and children, they will punish you through the kids. So that's why setting the boundary isn't enough. You need a backup plan for the backlash because there inevitably will be backlash with a narcissist when you set a boundary. So some boundaries that actually work with narcissistic co-parents or parallel parents, we'll call 'em Number one, like I said, I love the no emotion rule. Use a no emotion, no explanation policy. So think of it like a business email energy. So I'm not available to swap weekends. Please refer to the agreement, not I can't this weekend I have a family event and I've been really overwhelmed. No, save all that noise. (04:27) The unnecessary information that they can use to turn on you, they use it against you later. They'll twist it, whatever, no extra info, very to the point. They love when you overexplain. Keep it short, clear, no room for debate or conversation. Number two, communicate only through a parallel parenting app. So our family wizard is the one I have heard great things about, or talking parents. I don't know someone personally who uses that, but I've seen that also talked about. And they document everything and reduce that real time interaction. Why? Because narcissists specifically are less likely to manipulate when the receipts are permanent. They might still do it, but then it's documented and you have it against them, right? But they are a little less likely to, especially when they're not up in a rage to do that because they can be very calculated. So they're like, oh yeah, I don't want that outside of this circle with my ex. (05:37) So it will help them and help you. So the bonuses, you won't be tempted to respond to their nonsense at midnight. You're on this app, it helps you too. So I just love technology in situations like this. Number three, set emotional boundaries with you yourself. Okay? This is the one no one really talks about. You are not just setting boundaries with them. You're setting them with yourself. Okay? So here's an example. I will not engage with my parallel parent after 6:00 PM whatever it is. Maybe that's not your time, maybe it's eight. Whatever suits your schedule and your peace of mind, let yourself have those nights where you can just relax and say, I'm not even going to acknowledge them. Number two, I will not read texts more than once. Don't get into that monkey mind where you read things over and over and try to analyze and figure out. Read it just once. And then to the third point, I will pause before responding so I don't go into trigger mode. And there's more on this in my boundaries course. But if you don't go into trigger mode, you help yourself keep that piece, you're helping yourself. (07:06) They're going to keep coming at you. You can't control them. You can't control what you're doing. So you can control when you, you're accepting their texts, looking at them, you can control how many times you're looking at them. And you can control, even though it's a little hard saying, I'm going to go count to 30, right? Do something like that. And once you get to 30, your body has already calmed down a bit, and you can go into something else and then have a second point of, okay, now that I'm calm, I'm going to just leave that and I'm going to go do this. Maybe to take your mind off it. Put on some funny animal videos. Go throw some laundry in. Whatever you got to do to kind of get out of that triggered emotional response because you do not want to take their bait and respond while you were feeling that way. (07:59) And we want to keep it short and simple, like I said. And when you're in trigger mode, you can't do that. So this though, a bonus of emotional boundaries with yourself is this builds that self-trust. We've talked about that. You have trouble trying to get back. You don't know if you can trust yourself anymore. This help builds that. Setting boundaries with yourself. You're making agreements with you and you're protecting yourself. And when you trust you, their chaos cannot pull you back in. When you get to that point where you start saying, okay, I've got me, I'm going to protect me. I know what I'm doing. They can't get you back in. I love that. So let's recap. Narcissists don't want peace. They want power. We know that regular co-parenting tips do not work on dynamics. They just don't. Number three, your boundaries need to be airtight. (09:02) The biggest thing, emotion free, if you take anything from this podcast, emotion free and backed by emotional self-protection, right? So take the emotions out it, step away. Do not respond when you are triggered. Final thoughts here. You're not powerless, okay? You're not difficult or bitter for setting limits at all. They'll make you think you are, but you're not. I'm the queen. Be a boundaries. I know, okay, you're not. You're a mom. Reclaiming her peace in the middle of a damn storm. That is crazy. But do you know that's actually your superpower? That you are here saying, I'm going to show up for my kids. I'm going to show up for myself. I'm not doing this anymore. That's not bitter, that's not mean. That's smart as hell. (10:02) So if you're ready to create boundaries that actually stick, even with the most manipulative X, you can download my free guide called Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. I love it. And that is packed with guilt-free scripts starter steps to help you say no with zero apology. And you can go from there.

Breaking the Trauma Bond: What Keeps You Hooked (And How to Finally Break Free) Episode Description (Show Notes): You left… but you still feel hooked. You blocked them… but you still think about them. You know they were toxic… so why does part of you miss them? Welcome to the trauma bond. In this episode, Christy breaks down: What a trauma bond really is Why you feel addicted to someone who hurt you The exact steps to finally unhook and come back to YOU If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or obsessed after narcissistic abuse—this is your wake-up call (and your soft place to land). 💕 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral? Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse. Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250 Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing? Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything. Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy: Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session This 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you. Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ 3-Month Transformational Coaching Package This is the most supportive and spacious container I offer. We’ll dive deep into emotional healing, nervous system support, boundary work, and personal empowerment so you can rise fully in your peace and power. Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/  Related Episodes You’ll Love: Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120 Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practice https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155 Stay Connected: email: fiercemamac@gmail.com Follow Christy on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/ TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): So you block them, you want no contact, whatever it is, they're toxic. So why does part of you still miss them or just obsess over them? Why do you feel guilty or worse even tempted to go back? I've been getting some messages lately with listeners who really are trying to stay away and out of the life and not take the bait, but it is hard for them. So let's go into it. If you've ever felt like you're addicted to the narcissist, this episode is for you. We're talking about the trauma bond, what it is, why it's so hard to break, and how to finally unhook and come back to you because you're the queen, right? (00:46) Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. (01:44) Hello, beautiful soul. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we were clean that peace, protect our power, and rebuild self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm Christy Jade, and today we are going deep into something most survivors wrestle with. I'd probably say all of them, even after they leave it is the trauma bond. That soul tie feeling, the obsessive loop that goes round and round in your mind, that craving for someone you know is harmful. And we can get shame about this, right? Kick that shit to the curb. We don't have time for your shame. Alright? So you're not crazy. You are trauma bonded and we're going to talk about it. So what is a trauma bond? It is a psychological and physiological attachment. These are real things, okay? Science that forms through repeated cycles of abuse and the intermittent reinforcement. So basically they hurt you. (02:49) They love bomb you, so you feel relief, right? Then what do they do? They pull away again. It's like, yo-yo, right? And your nervous system actually does become addicted to this cycle. The ups and downs, it becomes attached to it. It's the cycle. It's familiar, and you want that relief, right? Even after they hurt you, you're waiting, okay, well, I'm just holding onto that high. So kind of like a slot machine. You don't really know what you're going to get each day. You keep pulling the lever, hoping this time they're going to love you, right? They're going to treat you right? You're going to change them. Maybe this is all stuff I've heard about in my own life, of course, and then heard from you guys and working with clients. So the more unpredictable the behavior, the stronger bond. (03:48) That's why narcissists are masters at trauma bonding you so signs that you're still hooked even after going no contact or low contact. These trauma bonds can still linger. So here's some signs to know if you are still bonded, you miss them more than you want to admit. You might keep it on the dl. You fantasize them about them changing. Maybe even after you are broken up completely could be after you're divorced, these things happen, right? You doubt yourself or feel guilty for leaving. You have those moments. Maybe it's not all the time you feel anxious, empty or depressed without them. And again, this can be one or all of these. You don't have to necessarily feel all of these, but these are different versions. You minimize what they did. Oh, it wasn't that bad, right? Or look, we had good times though, right? That's minimizing the bad too. (04:51) Or you feel pulled to contact them even when you know it's basically self-sabotage. You still have that pull. This isn't weakness. And I know we can feel weak when we're in this, I get it, but it's a physiological, psychological and emotional loop. And until you interrupt it, it's going to keep looping. So why is it so hard to break? We're going to break down why you're still hooked. Even when your logical mind, you know that guy, there's like on the left shoulder, his logic says run. There is brain chemistry involved in this. So take a sigh of relief, maybe hug yourself. Like, Hey, this is actually a real condition in my brain. (05:39) So give yourself grace, please. So each high you got after a discard or mistreatment abuse, the hoover, the love bomb. That's the cycle. Discard Hoover love bomb released dopamine. You literally became chemically addicted to those tiny hits of validation and relief. And it's a cycle of knowing, oh, well, you know the pattern. You've been around this person long enough to know what the pattern is. So that can look like, oh, there's this abuse. I know what comes after it. That dopamine hit, it's going to feel better after. So I'm going to stick around for that dopamine. Okay? (06:26) Also, you attach during crisis. So that's another reason you are hooked, right? So you brain bonded during trauma. This is a primal survival strategy. Primal. It says stay close to danger so you can control it. And this is a big one in my past. Predict it. You feel like, okay, at least I know I can predict what's going to happen. Spoiler, you cannot control it, but your brain keeps trying. It wants to, which makes sense. And then there's the low self-worth equals an easier hook. So another reason it's hard to break when someone makes you feel like only they can love you the way they love you. Or maybe you're not worthy of love, right? These abusers often will make you feel like shit, knock you down, crush any confidence you have so they can have control over you and hook you more, right? It can tap into your childhood wounds, unmet needs you had, whether it was childhood are grown and fears, just even based on fears that you can lower your self-worth. They become your source of value. Really, you're dependent on them in those dopamine hits and those love bombs to feel valuable. So when they pull away, you panic because your sense of self, which is not from this point on, that's not going to be our sense of self anymore. We're going to do this work, but because that sense of self is tied to them. So how do you break free? That's all Great. Christie, how do you break free? (08:13) Let's flip the script here, Rick. Rick, here's how you start cutting the cord for real. First, label it as trauma bond. Naming it really out loud. Say it out loud. I'm a big advocate of saying shit out loud. Name it. This is trauma bond. It is not love. It is not a soulmate. It is a trauma bond. Say it. This is a trauma bond. Go ahead, queen. And then we're going to rename it from love toon. So that is going to reframe it in your mind and you might have to repeat that. You can repeat as much as you want. Put it on a beautiful old sticky note on your mirror. Number two, here we are my favorite going no contact. I know it's not as easy as it is for some as others, and some situations are hard to do. Do that in obviously co-parenting littles, but as limited as possible. (09:17) Okay? So that's blocking on socials. Even if y

Schedule a 1:1 coaching call with me here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ Self Paced Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ FREE STUFF! Join my free facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade My #notmyshit Journal for daily empowerment: https://amzn.to/3XzbVYd 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider

Why You Don’t Trust Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse (And 3 Ways to Rebuild It) If you’ve ever left a narcissistic relationship and thought, “How did I not see that?” or “Why don’t I trust my judgment anymore?” you’re not alone. One of the most damaging effects of narcissistic abuse is the way it erodes your self-trust. Gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional conditioning slowly train you to question your own reality. Over time, you start doubting your instincts, your memories, and even your smallest decisions. In this episode, Christy Jade explains why narcissistic abuse breaks your ability to trust yourself and shares three powerful ways to start rebuilding that trust so you can reclaim your peace, confidence, and inner authority. Calm & Clarity Reset Call Feeling overwhelmed, stuck in obsessive thoughts, or unsure what to do next in your healing journey? This focused 60-minute session is designed to help you calm your nervous system, gain clarity on what you're experiencing, and walk away with clear next steps to protect your peace. Book your Calm & Clarity Reset Call: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/ Transformational Coaching (3-Month Deep Dive) This container is designed for women ready to break free from trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create strong boundaries after narcissistic abuse. Together we work through mindset, somatic healing, emotional regulation, and practical boundary tools. Apply for the 3-Month Deep Dive: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container For deeper healing and long-term transformation. This container supports women who want sustained guidance while rebuilding their identity, peace, and personal power after abuse. Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container For women who want full support while completely rebuilding their life after narcissistic abuse. This container provides long-term guidance, accountability, and deep healing work. Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free) https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Join the Free Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Contact: 00:00): Good morning, Queens. It is Christie and we are diving right into it. I am sick, almost getting over this thing. So if my voice sounds a little froggy, you hear a lozenge tapping around my teeth, that's why. And maybe why this is a little late today. Usually I post it by 6:00 AM and it is now 9:15. So sorry for the delay, but hey, better late than ever? All right. So if you've ever left a narcissistic relationship and thought, how did I not see that? How did I stay so long? How did I do this to myself? How did I do this to my children? Why didn't I trust my gut? There were maybe some red flags. Why didn't I pay attention to them? And maybe now you find yourself second guessing everything. Your memories, your instincts, even small decisions like what to get at the store, what to eat, what to say in a text message. (01:00) If this is happening to you, I want you to hear this. You are not broken. Narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt your heart. It erodes your ability to trust yourself. So today we're going to talk about why that happens and three ways to start rebuilding your self-trust. All right. So I'm your host, Christie Jade. Welcome if you are new here. Say hello. Follow my podcast so you get every episode. It's Tuesdays and Thursdays. And join the Facebook group. It's private and there's women just like you in there that are going through what you're going through and you can chatty chatsky and I post some quotes, sometimes the links to my podcast, and I'm going to start trying to do some mini videos in there. So definitely join that. That is in the description notes. So if you're here, you're probably someone who has experienced manipulation, gaslighting, emotional abuse, maybe physical abuse, maybe financial abuse from a narcissistic person. (02:07) And hold on. I'm going to spit out my laws and you get to hear this lovely. I didn't do video this week because no one needs to see what's happening. All right. So one of the most painful things that happens after a relationship with a narcissist is something people don't really talk about enough. You don't just lose the relationship. You lose trust in yourself. And often we lose a relationship and think, "Oh, I'm going to find this freedom. I'm going to feel so good. This is so hard, but at least I'm going to be free." But that freedom has a little price tag with it. And that is that often we have lost our trust in ourselves and maybe other people, right? But today we're talking about the self-trust that we do lose. And I hear it from clients all the time. I've been through it. (02:59) They say things like, "I don't trust my judgment anymore. I feel like I missed all the flags." Or maybe they saw a sliver, but all the good stuff kind of overrode it and they tried to rationalize it. Then they wonder, "What if I fall for this again?" That's a big question, right? And so I want to unpack why this happens and how to begin rebuilding that trust in yourself because here's the truth. Your intuition was not broken. It was buried under manipulation. Okay? So let's start with why this happens. Because once you understand the mechanism, it becomes much easier to stop blaming yourself because I really ... None of us look good in the blame crown. We want that shiny, gold, empowering crown that we deserve. So narcissistic relationships slowly train you to doubt your reality, right? This often happens through something called gaslighting, which many of you have probably heard of if you're in this narcissistic realm now. (04:08) Some of you may not, but it's when someone repeatedly denies your experience or they twist reality so you start questioning yourself. You might say something like, "That hurts my feelings." And they say, "You're too sensitive," or, "That never happened," or, "You're remembering it wrong. You're crazy. You're way too much." And when this happens over and over again, something very important starts to happen inside your brain. It's a real thing. Your brain begins to think, "Maybe I am wrong." And eventually you start doing something that feels safer in the moment. You start doubting yourself before they can even doubt you. Your brain learns that trusting yourself leads to conflict. Okay? I want to repeat that again. This is something we don't really know when we're in it. Your brain learns that trusting yourself, which you're supposed to do, but it is conditioned to think, which is your reality in the situation, that it leads to conflict. (05:19) And narcissists design that way on purpose. But questioning yourself keeps the peace. It keeps you safe in your situation. So you begin overriding your instincts. You ignore the gut feeling. You explain away the red flags. You tell yourself, "Oh, you're overreacting. You're just sensitive." And over time, this creates a deep wound to your self-trust. So when that relationship ends, you're left thinking, "How did I miss this? " But the truth is you didn't miss it. You were trained to override it. Okay? You didn't miss it. It was there, but you've been conditioned. And that conditioning takes some time to undo, but it can be done. Okay? So the three self-trust wounds survivors experience. We'll talk about those before we get into, let's fix this junk. All right? Most survivors experience three common self-trust wounds after narcissistic abuse. So the first is constant second guessing, right? (06:30) You question your memories, you replay conversations. You wonder if you're being too harsh or too forgiving. Even simple decisions can feel overwhelming because you're afraid of making the wrong choice. And the second wound is decision paralysis. I'm sure you're familiar with this one. When your confidence in your judgment has been shaken, your brain starts trying to avoid mistakes. So instead of choosing, you freeze. You ask 10 people for advice. You research endlessly. You overthink constantly because part of you is still afraid that trusting yourself will lead to danger as it did in the past, as we mentioned. (07:18) And the third wound is outsourcing your intuition. Instead of really getting calm with yourself, and that's why I'm such a big advocate of prayer and meditation, right? Spending time with yourself and relearning, retrusting yourself. But instead of checking in, you look to others for validation because you don't trust yourself. So what do you think I should do? Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal? And while support is sometimes helpful, healing means eventually coming back to the most important voice, which is your own. And I'm a God person. You don't have to be, but I am going to talk about God here on my podcast because I'm a God person and I relate that your own voice, your intuition to me is the Holy Spirit. So getting connected enough with yourself so that you are open to hearing God's voice. (08:20) So what are the three ways to rebuild that self-trust? The good news is this. You don't rebuild it through huge life decisions first. Okay? We do baby sparkle steps, small daily evidence. Okay? So number one, start with tiny decisions, tiny decisions. And I've done this on some of the somatic healing journeys we go through. I've had a couple people where we go through, we literally envision going shopping together and just choosing things you like because some people are so conditioned. They say they can't even go to a store and pick out a piece of artwork or a new coffee table because they second guess the

Seeing the narcissist appear happy, thriving, or “better off without you” can trigger a wave of anger, sadness, and self-doubt. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves measuring their healing by what the narcissist’s life looks like now. In this Thrive in 5 episode, Christy Jade walks you through a short EFT tapping practice to help calm your nervous system and break the mental loop of comparing your life to theirs. Because the truth is this: your healing has nothing to do with whether the narcissist seems to be winning. Your healing is about reclaiming your peace, your power, and your focus. If you’ve been stuck checking their social media, wondering if they’re happier, or feeling triggered when it looks like they’ve moved on quickly, this episode will help you shift your energy back where it belongs — on your life. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why your brain keeps tracking what the narcissist is doing after the relationship • The nervous system pattern that keeps survivors focused on the narcissist • How EFT tapping can interrupt obsessive thinking and emotional triggers • A guided tapping sequence to release the need to monitor their life Feeling stuck in the mental loop of the narcissist? Let’s reset it. If you’re tired of the obsessive thoughts, emotional triggers, or constantly replaying what happened, my Calm & Clarity Reset Call is designed to help you shift out of that spiral quickly. In this focused 1:1 session we’ll calm your nervous system, untangle what’s actually keeping you stuck, and create clear next steps so you can move forward with confidence. Book your Reset Call here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/ 3-Month Coaching Container: Reclaim Your Peace This container is designed for women who are ready to stabilize their nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and start creating real emotional freedom after narcissistic abuse. Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Coaching Container: Queens of Peace For deeper healing and long-term transformation. Together we work through trauma patterns, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and rebuilding the life you want after abuse. Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Coaching Container This is the highest level of support for women ready to fully reclaim their power and build a life that feels peaceful, confident, and aligned. Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free) https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Contact: 00:00): Hello. I have to do some intro music because I don't have time to do the whole thing this week. So we're going to go. I forgot my music. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with me. How's that? Should that be my new diddy? All right. So you guys, yes, it's been a crazy week, kind of a tough week. If I'll be honest, we all have our weeks. A kind of tough week for me. I know I want to talk about stuff more, so maybe I'll take that opportunity. So also connect in the Facebook group, you guys. Don't forget. Don't forget. It's always in the show notes. You can join there. It's a private group. So it's not public. No one can see it. And there's questions to make sure no sketchies or bots get in there. You have to provide your email, all of that good stuff so we know it's like a safe place to chat. (00:56) That being said, yeah, there's been some shifts and I am very excited to really focus on my business and just really concentrating on my book. I've been working on my book, if you guys don't know that, which is related to narcissistic abuse recovery. Very excited about it. And I have some really cool leads where hopefully it will be able to get seen and impact more people than I hoped even. So cross your fingers and pray for that. You know my goal is to help as many women as I can deal with ... And men. I've had men write me too that listen to this podcast. So thank you. Thank you. This advice is not just for women. That's true. I just happened to specialize in working with women because I'm a woman and I know the woman things. But also if you hear it, I don't know if I'm getting sick or it's the crazy weather here in the DMV. (02:00) I live right outside of Washington DC. And right now it's dropping dramatically to 30 something degrees when it was 84 degrees yesterday. It's wild. It's been absolutely wild weather here. So hold on to your seats where you are too. I heard there's some weird shifting in Colorado or Utah too, just some weird weather patterns. So here we are. Anyway, but I wanted to connect about ... I'm on this journey and sometimes we have to pivot and people like us who have gone through a lot sometimes are afraid to say no or afraid to make decisions that may impact other people and stay stuck because we have a tendency to people please. And we kind of have that, "Oh, I want people to like me and whatever." It's like this conditioning when you've gone through abusive situations where you feel like, "Yeah, I really don't want to upset anyone." And that's a great goal. (03:30) We never want to upset anyone, right? But sometimes when things are not aligned in whatever way, you do have to make decisions and you have to do what is right for you, which usually, let's be honest, is right for everyone because you're not going to be the best you if you stay in a relationship and whatever situation, if you're staying out of fear. So if you're in any situation right now where you're staying out of fear of either letting someone down, which is, that's my biggest thing. I do not like to let people down. It will eat at me and that's something I've worked on. And so my body, look, my somatic body's still catching up with that a little bit. I know it's okay to do and that we're not going to make everyone a thousand percent happy all of the time. However, my body still is a little stuck going, "Oh, but it still feels bad a little bit." So that's why we do these certain things like tapping we're going to do today. (04:50) It's an example to show you this is like life doesn't stop lifeing. Your feelings don't stop. When you're quote healing, that doesn't mean you don't feel things or you don't get triggered or you don't have certain reactions. It's having the tools with, well, how do you deal with it when it comes up? So yes, this week I've had triggers, I've had guilty feelings, all sorts of stuff come out and I have the tools that I have so my body and nervous system can go, "You're still safe. It's not the end of the world. Your brain knows that, but this body over here is having a little trouble." So you're going to have reactions. Today we're going to do tapping around watching them move on. This is a theme that has come up with multiple clients of mine. So like recently, so I noticed a pattern and was like, maybe this is God telling me I need to do a tapping session in general. (05:51) And I was first just going to put it on like YouTube, like do a short on YouTube or Instagram and maybe I'll still do that. But I felt like, well, where's my real audience? Where are my peeps? And you're here. So even though we're on audio, I'm going to walk you through and tell you what to do with the tapping. I'm doing a video. I look like trash because I'm not feeling very well, but I'm going to put the video on YouTube. So I will link that in the show notes so you are able to get the visual if you want it and just don't mind my trash look. Today, what is it? Thursday? Thursday's trash look like Christie. All right. So watching them move on. First we're going to talk about it real quick. Watching them move on is never easy. Even if let's say you're the one who decided to end the relationship, you're the one who decided to walk away or just you know it wasn't right and that they were mistreating you, all of this. (06:51) And you're like, "Well, why do I still care? Why am I still looking at their social media? Why am I still upset when I see my ex, let's say it's co-parenting." When I see him now dating someone and logically you get upset with yourself going, "Why do I care? I know he's not good for me. I don't want to be with him. He's awful. Why do I care?" But that is a part of this. It's because you've been so conditioned by this type of person and that's a whole other episode in and of itself. Part of that can be worse tying to comparison. They have moved on and maybe you haven't or they move on and you look at this new person thinking, "Oh my God, is she better than me? " Do they think she's nicer? Are they going to treat her so good? (07:50) Thinking that this partner's going to change, which no, they'll treat her like trash eventually too. They will love Bomb like they did with you in the beginning, right? But a leopard's a leper, right? Those spots don't change with narcissist usually. Also, what do we call that 0.0060147% that change? Maybe, but let's not hold our breath for that. So you get my point, right? You often want to look at yourself and have that strength to say, "I don't care. I don't care." But you're human and you've been conditioned and there are worth issues for you that have stemmed from being in a relationship like this where you are now trying to figure out your worth by what they're doing. And so we're going to end that. We're going to end that today. So with tapping, you tap certain points. Now I got to put ... Where am I going to put my microphone? (08:54) I didn't think about this. I'm holding my microphone because I'm in my bed today. It's a lazy day. I usually have it on a desk, so I'm going to have to figure out what to do

Have you ever noticed that just when you start moving on… the narcissist suddenly becomes kind again? Sweet messages. Apologies. Promises to change. It can make you question everything. In this episode, Christy explains the manipulation tactic known as hoovering—why narcissists suddenly act nice when they feel you pulling away, how this behavior fits into the narcissistic abuse cycle, and what you can do to protect your peace. If you've ever wondered whether their sudden kindness means they've truly changed, this episode will give you clarity. 🎧 Listen to the episode: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-fh2h2-1945389 Your Next Step in Healing If you're dealing with hoovering, emotional manipulation, or the lingering effects of narcissistic abuse, you don't have to navigate it alone. These patterns can be confusing and exhausting—but clarity and peace are possible. Working together can help you break trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and confidently protect your boundaries. 1:1 Coaching Support 3-Month Transformational Coaching Container This container is designed for women who want focused support breaking free from narcissistic abuse patterns, strengthening boundaries, and reclaiming their peace. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container For deeper transformation, this program helps you fully rebuild self-trust, emotional stability, and confidence after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container The most comprehensive option for women who want sustained support while rebuilding their life, identity, and relationships after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free) Learn how to set boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts Exact scripts to handle narcissistic texts and manipulation. https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course Build strong boundaries that actually stick. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Join the Free Facebook Community Connect with other women healing after narcissistic abuse. https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Related Episode How to Spot a Narcissist in 60 Seconds One of the most popular episodes of the show. Learn the fast red flags that reveal narcissistic behavior early. https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-4sj92-15e6a4b Contact Email: 00:00): Ever notice this? You finally start pulling away from the narcissist, you get strong, you get fierce and queeny, and suddenly they're nice again, overly nice. Sweet texts, apologies, promises. Today, we're talking about why narcissists suddenly act nice and the manipulation tactic called hoovering that pulls so many people back in. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five-minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you. All right, queens. It is Christie with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast. Welcome back or welcome if you are a newbie, a newbie queen. Welcome to the show. Today, we're talking about something that confuses almost everyone who has dealt with a narcissist. You start getting your power back, right? You stop chasing them. You stop overexplaining yourself or explaining yourself at all. And out of nowhere, they're nice again. (01:10) And you're like, "What just happened? What's happening?" And this usually shows up right when you start detaching. So maybe you stop texting back so fast because you are losing the conditioning that everything is urgent when it's not. Maybe you set a boundary and say, "I'm not going to let you talk to me like X, Y, Z anymore." Maybe you emotionally checked out. Maybe it's been a while, you are burnt out from their nasty, sticky, ugly spiderweb and you're just disconnected. And suddenly they miss you. They appreciate you. They're sorry. I have quotes up if you can't see me in the video. If you're just on audio, I'm putting a little quotation over that, sorry, because they're fake apologies. Okay? Or our personal favorite here, "I've been doing a lot of thinking." And your brain goes, "Wait, maybe they are really changing." But what you may be experiencing is called hoovering. (02:19) So what is hoovering? It is named after yes, the vacuum brand, because the narcissist is trying to suck you back in. When they feel you pulling away, they switch strategies. Instead of criticism, they'll give charm. Instead of distance, they will give you and shower you maybe even with attention. Instead of blaming you, they will give apologies. But the goal usually is not healing. The goal is regaining access to you. I'm going to repeat that again. Their goal is not healing, which it would be lovely if it was, but it is regaining access to you and control over you. In case you're new here, all narcissists seek really is control and that feeds them. So why do they suddenly act nice? There's a few reasons this happens. First, they feel that control slipping. When you stop reacting, it changes the whole dynamic. They love a good reaction. (03:29) It shows them that you're under their control, that you are affected by them and they love it. It feeds them. It literally feeds them. So the narcissists rely heavily on emotional reactions. So when that supply, as we call it in this world, narcissistic supply, when that supply disappears, they try to get it back. Second, they want to reset the cycle. So narcissistic relationships usually move through phases. We have the love bombing, right? And that's like right when you meet them, they love bomb you to get you. And then that comes back. There are these cycles. So love bombing, devaluing. That's when they start treating you poorly. Even they can start out slow sometimes where just like little dismissive comments that just kind of like beat you down a little by little emotionally, maybe physically, right? They're devaluing you. And then the discard where they really are treating you almost like trash. (04:35) And then comes the hoovering. That's the cycle reset. So if they can pull you back in, the pattern starts again. So they will do that love bombing. The hoover you in, love bomb you, go back to devaluing and discard, push you to that edge again, bring you back in. It is a hideous, hideous cycle. Why it is so confusing. Here's the tricky part. Sometimes during hoovering, they really do seem different. They're good at what they do usually. They're kinder, more thoughtful. One of my recent clients, an ongoing client of mine, during one of these cycles, he was buying her all of a sudden, and this is years into it. She had really pulled away a lot, set major boundaries, left him. He hoovered her back in. And what happened? He love bombed her with trips, beautiful gifts. Let's do this to the house, whatever you want, baby. (05:47) Start being more thoughtful. Let me bring you coffee in the morning. This is such a perfect example of love bombing after Hoovering. And it will and can make you question everything. You start wondering, maybe I misunderstood them. The most common one I see is maybe they've changed. Something like ... They realize what they lost and now they're going to change. But what's important to look at is patterns over time. So real change does not show up as a few nice texts or even a couple trips, right? It shows up as consistency, accountability, respect for boundaries. So if you are in a phase, and I hope you're not, and I hope you don't get Hoover back in, but if you're in the midst of it right now and you've been Hoovered and you're back in and like, wait, he is acting, he or she is acting different. (06:48) You've got to maybe even test things, set a boundary, see their reaction, right? Do a couple boundaries. Really test for that accountability and not just lip service on things that matter, not just a nice gift, not the things that are easy emotionally, right? A little easier than actually emotionally having to show up. And most importantly, which this is the hard part, right? Is does it last? And unfortunately, if you're in it right now, you may not know that until you've been in this cycle a little longer. But if you know the cycle goes back and forth and back and forth like this, that should be enough clarity for you to say, "Oh, this is a big pattern. We've done this three times. We've done this eight times. We've done this 90 times. It's time for me to pick up and go. " So the question that changes everything, instead of asking, are they finally changing? (07:57) Try asking, does this match their long-term pattern? (08:03) Because narcissists often become the nicest version of themselves right when they feel they're losing you. Not because they've transformed, right? That's not why, but because they want the connection and the control back. They want that cycle back. So if the narcissist in your life suddenly becomes nice when you start to pull away, or even if you're co-parenting, right? And you'll probably go through this. And this is what really mind F's everybody in these situations because you'll be like, "But he was so nice. Wait." And then now he's acting whatever again. And it's like you can even forget sometimes in the midst of their niceness, just how awful they've been because you're swooped up in their niceness. So this can happen whether you are currently with someone or if you are having to deal with someone like an ex that you're co-parenting with, or maybe your parent that you are maybe a little distanced with, but you have to deal with them and you're confused because you're like, "Well, they're nice to me the last couple weeks." And then next week you don't know what's going to happen. (09:21) But secret is you do know. If there's all these narcissistic traits, a

Narcissists love sending ‘urgent’ texts to hijack your peace. In this episode, Christy explains why they do it and how to shut it down fast—so you can stay calm, confident, and in control 📥 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral? Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse. ✨ Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250 🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing? Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything. Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy: ✅ Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session 💻 Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ ✅ 1-Month Private Coaching Container 💻 Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ ✅ 3-Month Transformational Coaching Package 💻 Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 🔗 Related Episodes You’ll Love: 🎧 Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help 👉 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120 🎧 Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practice 👉 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155 ✨ Follow Christy on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. All right, queen, let's talk about that moment. Your phone dings and suddenly your peace is gone. It's the narcissist and the message is urgent. Or at least they say it is. Maybe it's call me now or it's an emergency, or it's important answer or even as low as the kids need. You sound familiar? Well, here's what you need to know. Those out of nowhere or urgent type texts are rarely about real emergencies. They're about control. A narcs favorite word. Alright? So a narcissist wants you to yank out of your calm, especially if you're doing well, you're moving on. Ooh, that irks them, right? They want to spike your anxiety and test if they still have access to you, if you're still going to take the bait, if you're still going to respond. (01:22) I always say, don't take the bait, keep it very simple. Gray rock method. We talked about that on Tuesday's episode, speaking of which, this episode is related to Tuesday's episode, which was all about these texts, and today is just a quick tool to handle them, basically handling those fake emergency texts. So step one, pause. Do not reply instantly. And we mentioned this in Tuesdays, but that's a quick note, right? Just pause. The pause puts you back in the driver's seat. So when you feel like stressed out, when you read it, take a breath and pause. Two, check the facts. Is it truly urgent? If it's not about your kid's safety or something, life or death, it can wait. Step three, respond and don't react. Keep it short, neutral and business-like that. Gray rock method. So an example, and I go over this all more in depth than Tuesday's episode if you didn't listen, so that will be in the show notes. (02:37) Example is noted. I'll handle it when I'm able to, period. Okay? No overexplaining anything. No getting emotional. Keep it to the basics. To the facts. Okay? So the next time your phone lights up with a fake emergency from your least favorite narc, remember, you are not at their beck and call, okay? Your piece is what's important. Your piece is what's urgent, and you decide when and how you engage. Girl, you got your damn power back, right? That's what we're doing here. Shining our crowns, getting our power right? So if you want more scripts or strategies, how to navigate all this stuff, grab my free Boundaries pocket guide as a start, and then if you want to work one-on-one and do customize scripts, customize strategies, that's where the real transformations happen. I always have the ways to work with me one-on-one in my show notes, so check it out. (03:46) And you can also join my free Facebook community with other ladies like you. I drop some truth bombs out there and I always put the podcast episodes. Sometimes I'll do some videos. So definitely go join that community. What else? I guess that's it. That's it. It's pretty, this might be my shortest episode ever. How crazy. Wow. Under four minutes. All right, give me a high five through the screen. Give yourself a little queen hug and I'll see you in the next episode. Don't forget to follow this podcast too, and help me help more people. Love.

In this episode, I read the letter I’ll never send — and share what it taught me about self-trust after narcissistic abuse. If you’ve ever felt paralyzed in conversations, questioned your own reactions, or normalized what your body knew wasn’t safe, this one is for you.Your Next Step in Healing If this episode hit close to home, you may be in the stage where understanding isn’t the problem anymore — your nervous system just needs support integrating safety and clarity. ✨ Calm & Clarity Reset Call A focused, private session designed to help you regulate, gain perspective, and leave with clear next steps when emotions feel overwhelming or confusing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/   3-Month Deep-Dive Container Focused support to break trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create emotional stability after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Queens of Peace Program For women ready for deeper identity rebuilding, boundary mastery, and long-term nervous system healing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Queens of Peace Mastery High-level mentorship and integration for lasting transformation and full life reclamation. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Free Boundaries Pocket Guide https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Private Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Have you ever felt paralyzed in a conversation like no matter what you said, it was going to be wrong? Like your body was braced even when things were quote fine. Today's episode is different. I'm going to read something I've never read before. And if you've ever loved someone who slowly made you smaller, this is for you. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you. Okay. So this episode is going to be a little different. I'm not teaching first, I'm going to read something and it's not about one specific person exactly. It's about a pattern. And if you see yourself in it, I want you to listen all the way through. All right? Here we go. Dear narcissist. I didn't see you at first and that's the part that still gets me. (01:12) I didn't see anything that felt overly dangerous. I saw intensity. I saw big emotions. I saw someone who reacted strongly and I told myself that just meant you cared deeply. You told me that meant you cared deeply. I thought the chaos meant passion. I thought the tension meant connection. I thought if I could just communicate better, it will calm down. (01:48) What I didn't see was how I was changing. I started feeling paralyzed in conversations and I mean any conversation, not just fights or conflicts. I would rehearse what I was going to say in my head before saying it out loud because somehow I already knew it would be wrong. No matter what I said, it would get twisted. And eventually I stopped trusting my own reactions. I started questioning whether I was even justified in feeling like you were overreacting. Maybe I was too sensitive, like you said. Maybe I did misunderstand like you said. Did I even provoke it? (02:40) All things you conditioned me to believe. So instead of holding my ground, I backed off or I overexplained. I took responsibility for things I did not do. I avoided topics that might set you off. Fixing it, fixing us became my role and keeping the peace became my job. And my body was keeping score the whole time. My tight chest, my tight jaw, the constant exhaustion, pure exhaustion, feeling drained all the time. This low grade brace in my nervous system that really never went away, even when I white knuckled through. Even when things were quote fine, especially when things were fine. And to the outside world, to people who maybe got glimpses, "I protected you. I joked about it. I minimized it for myself and for them. (04:02) I made it sound dramatic, but normal. I didn't want people to see what I wasn't fully admitting to myself, that this was not just conflict. It was dangerous unpredictability. And that unpredictability, that constant unpredictability does something not just to your mind, but your body. There were moments that did cross lines. Moments my body knew were not safe. And instead of leaving, I normalized them. That's the part that is sometimes hardest to say out loud, that the shame and the guilt, that's where those come from. I normalized what my nervous system was screaming about. And the moment I couldn't unsee it, it wasn't dramatic. It was clarity. (05:12) It was realizing that this was not just emotional intensity. It was escalation. That my health mattered, that my peace mattered, that my safety actually mattered. And that protecting you was costing me myself. I didn't cut you out because I hated you. I cut you out because I finally loved myself more than I feared the fallout. I couldn't do it anymore. And once I saw it clearly, I couldn't go back to pretending it was just complicated. You were turmoil. You were chaos, but I am not. And now I don't live braced anymore. I don't twist myself to survive conversations. I don't minimize volatility to keep anyone's peace. And I don't and will not protect people who harm me emotionally or physically. (06:48) You don't get to live inside my brain anymore. You don't get to control me. You don't get to control my thoughts. You don't get to control my actions. You have lost that control and I have gained it. And that is freedom. So let me step out of the letter for a minute because if you resonated with that, I want you to understand something. This isn't just my story. That's why I saved some of the specific details. It's a pattern I see in so many women healing from narcissistic abuse. And here's what I want you to hear. If you feel paralyzed in conversations, that is information. Healthy relationships don't make you rehearse basic sentences. If you feel like no matter what you say, it's going to be wrong. That isn't a communication issue. It's a power imbalance. (08:00) If you constantly question whether you're justified in your feelings, that's conditioning. And when your words get twisted enough times, you stop trusting your own perception. You start thinking, "Maybe I am too sensitive. Maybe I am overreacting." That self-doubt did not appear out of nowhere. It was trained into you. And your body? Your body's not dramatic. It's a tool we have, right? It's a tool. You get the tight chest, you get the clenched jaw, the exhaustion that I talked about. After simple conversations, daily conversations, repeated daily, weekly conversations that are usually conflict. Your nervous system doesn't lie. So if your body feels unsafe, even if you can't logically prove why, that matters. (09:05) And protecting someone who harms you is not loyalty, it's survival. Many of us were taught to smooth things over, minimize, joke about it, protect the other person's image. But the day you stop protecting someone who is hurting you is the day you start protecting yourself. And that's where the healing actually begins. Clarity can feel like grief at first. Once you see it, you can't unsee it, right? But it is also freedom. And if you're in the stage right now where you're starting to see patterns clearly and you feel that mix of grief and strength, it can really be confusing. You don't have to navigate it alone. That is exactly the kind of work that we do inside my Calm and Clarity Reset call. This is my new offer I've been talking about last episode or two. It's just one focused hour to untangle what's happening, regulate your nervous system and get clear on your next step. (10:27) It's a soft place to start because you deserve peace that doesn't require survival skills. And it starts with regaining trust in yourself again, which can feel far right now. I get it. I've been there, right? But it is possible. I work with tons of women who start where you are and have amazing transformations. If you want to just jump feet first in, I have three, six, and 12 month programs as well. Or if you want to just take a little nibble and do that calm and clarity reset call, it's a great place to start. Okay? So I hope this helps in some way, maybe just a solidarity, maybe clarity in your own journey. (11:32) And maybe it's the push to say, "I want to get unstuck and I deserve more." So if you have any questions too, you can always email me my email and all the links to my programs or working with me one-on-one and a boundaries course. I have all sorts of goodies in my description notes. And the show notes of the podcast should be on the episode descriptions themselves and the main page. And don't forget to follow because this is a long game. It's not as long as you think. I will say that. It's hard to explain, but this healing journey can be quicker than you think, but it's not overnight. We have to be realistic here. We have to go through the process. But one-on-one, my clients will tell you we can have some tears, but we can have some laughs and some good times. And we get great sessions that are mind blowing, really mind-blowing work. (12:38) Somatic healing is amazing. If you don't know what it is, it is healing through the body. So we do coaching, narcissistic recovery coaching. Obviously we're doing that kind of talk therapy, et cetera. And then we do these beautiful methods of somatic healing, which is healing through the body because the body often is a little step behind of the brain. You might think something, but your body's still stuck. So we get unstuck in magical ways. Yes. I'm not talking fairy magical. Just to me, it's

Still Missing Them Today? Do This Instead (Thrive in 5) You thought once you left, the missing would stop. But instead, certain moments still hit — a memory, a song, a quiet night — and suddenly you question yourself again. In this Thrive in 5 episode, Christy Jade explains why missing a narcissistic partner does not mean you made the wrong decision. What you’re actually grieving isn’t the person — it’s the version of you that existed inside the trauma bond and the future you believed was coming. You’ll learn how to reinterpret that feeling in real time and use it as a signal to reconnect with yourself instead of looking backward. If you’ve been caught in obsessive thoughts, emotional pullbacks, or sudden waves of longing after leaving, this episode gives you a grounded, nervous-system-safe way to move through it. Your Next Step in Healing   ✨ Calm & Clarity Reset Call A focused, private session designed to help you regulate, gain perspective, and leave with clear next steps when emotions feel overwhelming or confusing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/   3-Month Deep-Dive Container Focused support to break trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create emotional stability after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Queens of Peace Program For women ready for deeper identity rebuilding, boundary mastery, and long-term nervous system healing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Private Community 00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello queens. If you caught yourself missing them again today or yesterday, hopefully not both. This episode is going to change how you interpret that feeling in the next five minutes. Alright, so quick reset moment. If you listen to my last episode from Tuesday, we talked about how you're not actually missing the narcissist, you're missing something a little deeper. So today I want to give you one powerful practice to use in the exact moment that missing feeling hits, because here is what happens. Your brain labels the feeling as I miss them, but your nervous system is actually saying, I miss familiarity. I miss certainty. I miss who I thought I was becoming. So instead of reaching for the memories, try this pause and ask yourself, what version of me feels far away right now? Not them you. (01:30) Maybe it's the hopeful person. Maybe it's the secure version. You remember the woman who felt chosen, the woman who believed life was about to open up there was more coming. That is who your system is grieving. I just had a conversation with a client yesterday about this. You're grieving and here's the reframe that changes everything. Okay? You didn't lose her. Okay? She's not gone. That queen is still in there. She just hasn't fully met the safer environment yet. So when the missing shows up today, don't interpret it as a sign to look backward. Interpret it as a signal to reconnect inward. (02:35) A lot of times we look back at these memories and the what ifs and why did I do that? This living in our head, spinning in circles, replaying, wondering, confused all the feelings and the thoughts are exploding in our minds at once. It's time to go inward right into the heart and then take one small action that supports your stability. You need stability right now. We're missing stability, right? So text somebody that you feel safe with, okay? Nobody that has any relation to this person that you don't feel safe with that connection there. Okay? So let's not text their sister today A safe friend. Maybe it's your sibling, maybe it's a coworker that you're very close with. You can go outside, right? Stability. Physically. You can get stability from grounding. There's grounding techniques you can do or just walking. There's something about grounding your body, right? (03:59) Regulate your body in some way. Exercise even. I mean, like I said, walking, but even just something simple. Dancing, right? Putting on some fun tunes, shaking a tail feather. Maybe two, do they have two? Tail feather? We're getting weird now. Let's keep going. But regulating your body in some way, moving your body very beneficial and reminding yourself, I'm not going back. I'm coming back to myself. The authentic self. I refer to this as that solid gold block we're all born with and no matter who we are, narcissistic abuse or not, a lot of shit kind of covers up that solid gold block. That's the authentic us. That's in a way our higher self, our highest self that we can be and not trying to be like, oh, let's achieve this. I'm not in that way. It is our unique golden, beautiful self that we desire to feel like that loves ourself, that feels confident, that feels secure, feels safe, all of those things. (05:23) And you're coming back to that. And healing isn't about forgetting them. It's not about them. I want to reiterate that it's not about forgetting them, it's about remembering you and who you truly are. And you may I get it. I can hear you from here. Some of you saying, I don't even know who that is. I don't remember who she is. That's where I come in. Or your therapist comes in. You can do work on your own. There's a lot of different methodologies that you can use. Somatic healing is amazing. If you didn't, here, I have a couple of spots open. Now I'm going to start opening these for two people every month I'm going to do one-off sessions. Usually I don't do one-off sessions really anymore unless someone pops up from an old episode where I did offer them, or now, right now I am offering some really special one-off sessions. (06:42) They're my clarity and calm sessions. If you need a nervous system, wind down, kind of feel like you even just need a next step. Maybe it's the next step in. How do I even try to figure out who I am? What does that even look like? If you find yourself saying, what does that look like? That's where we can work together and we have one session zoom call. We'll do a little coaching, maybe a little somatic healing in that body and get you ready for that next step and then that if you want to, you can continue with me into one of my programs that are three, six, or 12 months. And those are deep transformative programs. But even just that one session will give you some clarity and some calm. That's why I call it that because I'm a basic B, because I know some people, maybe you don't have it in you to commit. Maybe you don't have the finances to commit. That's okay. Just getting a little clarity can go a long way and help you feel better right now and know what direction to head in. So if you're interested in that at any of my programs, including the calm, clarity and calm call, say that five times fast. That is always in my show notes. Any of my offers are in there. I have a boundaries course. That's amazing. Really good. (08:22) Well, it drips every week and then you have it for the rest of your life. You can look at my face for the rest of your life. Yes, it's videos. So that's 10 videos. It's really good stuff. I'm very biased and I have a couple freebies too. I have a little boundaries pocket guide. It's adorable and fun and I don't know, I don't remember what's listed as far as the freebies. And there's the Facebook community, which is, it's getting more engagement in there. So join now while people are talking to each other because you guys leaning on each other. First of all, it makes me so happy to peep in there and be like, oh, they're talking to each other and encouraging each other and going like, girl, me too. I love that. We need that when we're in the situation. So look for that support. (09:12) It's a private group, so not going to have any creep opioids in there. Everyone, you got to answer questions too. So yes, you do have to answer questions and give me your email so I know you're a real human. And so it is a women's only Facebook group. It's private, and you get to chat with other women that have gone through or are going through what you are, right? It's always nice to have that support. So definitely look in the show notes for all the information. You can email me too if you have any questions about my programs. My email is in there as well. And yeah, that's about it. It's nine 15. Here it is, nine 15. You know what? I'm a tired little lady. I don't know why I love recording my podcasts at night. Sometimes I've time during the day and I'm like, Hmm, I'll do it tonight. (10:09) I'm very much a night owl. Do I have any night owls out there? Is that trauma? Do we have trauma night owl syndrome? No. That, I swear it runs in my family. My mom is a super night owl. She now naps during the day, but she's always been a night owl. I will say while she was single parenting us, sometimes she'd pass out on the couch though after dinner because that woman did a lot. Shout out to the single moms of the world. You are super, super people, super moms. And then my grandma was very much a night owl. I remember in my twenties, this is when I don't know how, I know my audience ranges in age. So this is going to age us older women here. But when the Kylie Jenners, not Kylie, what was the other one? What's the, oh my gosh, I can't even remember now. (11:11) Kylie is so big. I can't even, she's overshadowing her sister. But all the Kardashians, yes, whatever K word, Kardashian. The Kardashians show I think had just started or something. But I remember being up with my grandma. I live outside of DC and I would go up to New York to visit my grandma at Christmas time. I'd stay there a little extra. My mom would come home here and sometimes I'd stay. So I was staying with my grandma and she loved tea and s m's, coffee cake and rest in peace. My grandma passed in 2020. I just adored her. So we would sit up every night so late. I loved it

If you’ve left a narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationship but still find yourself thinking about them, questioning your progress, or feeling pulled backward emotionally — this episode will bring powerful clarity. You’re not actually missing the narcissist. In this episode, Christy explains why calm can feel uncomfortable after narcissistic abuse, how trauma bonding conditions the brain and body, and what’s really happening when memories or longing resurface. This conversation will help you release shame, understand your healing process, and begin retraining your body to feel safe in peace again. Your Next Step in Healing If this episode hit close to home, you may be in the stage where understanding isn’t the problem anymore — your nervous system just needs support integrating safety and clarity. ✨ Calm & Clarity Reset Call A focused, private session designed to help you regulate, gain perspective, and leave with clear next steps when emotions feel overwhelming or confusing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/   3-Month Deep-Dive Container Focused support to break trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create emotional stability after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Queens of Peace Program For women ready for deeper identity rebuilding, boundary mastery, and long-term nervous system healing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Private Community 00:00): Hello Queens. Have you ever caught yourself thinking about them and then immediately getting mad at yourself afterwards? Why am I still thinking about this person I left? I know who they are, I know what they did. So why does part of me still feel pulled back today? I want to gently flip something upside down for you because you're not actually missing the narcissist, you're missing something else. And once you understand this, a lot of shame is going to go, we don't like shame in this room. No we don't. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen. This one's for you. (00:53) Alright, so welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie, as many of you know, if not welcome, thanks for showing up. And if you're here today, I already know something about you. You're not where you used to be, right? You've learned, you've woken up, maybe you left. Maybe you're emotionally detaching, maybe and trying to stay grounded, but there's still this confusing moment that happens sometimes, right? You're doing better and out of nowhere a memory hits or you wonder what they're doing. Or your body feels heavy, chest tight, maybe you feel a little nostalgia, right? And then the second wave after that is guilt or shame around that. What is wrong with me? Why do I still miss them? This doesn't make sense. So what we're going to talk about today is what's actually happening because this moment right here is one of the most misunderstood parts of healing. (02:00) Alright? So here's the truth. Most people never explain. You're not missing the narcissist. I repeat. You are not missing the narcissist. Isn't that? That's like a relief, but you're not so sure yet are you are missing what your nervous system learned to expect while you were surviving them. They're two very, very different things. So when you were in that relationship, your brain and your body, that's the somatic healing we talk about. Adapted. In order to keep you safe, you learn to scan their moods. Remember that Not so fun. You learn to anticipate their reactions. You learned how to fix any fixers out there? Yeah, I see you, I see all of you. You learn to soften to manage them if you know and to do whatever you could to prevent the explosions before they happened. So your body was constantly on alert. So here's the part that surprises people. (03:10) That constant emotional intensity created chemistry. So high stress, that high, high, high chaos followed by relief. The conflict followed by moments of calm or reflection, maybe even got fake apologies or flowers or just calm. It could have just been calm where it wasn't chaos. And that's good enough for us, not really, or fear followed by reassurance. So that cycle releases powerful, neurochemicals, adrenaline, cortisol. You've probably heard all the things about cortisol, dopamine probably heard that. These are like buzzwords nowadays, right? But they're real. And that cycle releases them. It's like the storm before the calm. So even though it was painful, it became very familiar. I would almost call it comfortable because it was so familiar. And the nervous system loves familiarity more than it loves happiness. Do you know that? I'm going to repeat that one again. Your nervous system actually loves familiarity more than happiness. (04:31) Okay? Your nervous system chooses familiar before it chooses peace. We're going to break that cycle though. We're going to break it. We don't like that. We want peace. Who wants peace? Can I get an amen? Yes. Okay, good. So when you actually leave or when you detach emotionally, something strange happens. Life gets quieter and logically that's good. You're like, yeah, this is what's supposed to happen. But your body is going, wait, why is it so calm here? Are we actually safe? I don't feel safe because calm used to mean something bad was about to happen. Let that one sink in. Calm used to mean something bad was about to happen. Calm before the storm. Silence used to mean tension was building. You knew when it was silent. It's like when there's a toddler and it's way too quiet. And then you go in the room and it's like there's marker all over the wall and glue on the seat, right? (05:39) Silence with a arc. When the intention was building, there's a cycle. There is the abuse cycle. And during that cycle, what happens before it's the calm, before the storm there's love bombing or there's convincing you everything's fine. Maybe there's some quiet and then maybe boom. So peace to you feels unfamiliar. And unfamiliar can feel very unsafe in our bodies. So your brain tries to solve that discomfort. The only way it knows how, it brings your attention back to the person connected to that old pattern. And that's not because you want them and miss them in the way you're thinking. That's why you're missing is confusing because it's not how you actually miss maybe someone you have in your life that is a healthy connection. Your body is trying to return to what it recognizes. That's all what it's been conditioned, right? What confusingly felt familiar slash safe, but not safe in the sense of the word as we really know it and want it to be. (06:51) So this is where so many women judge themselves, they think missing thoughts mean they made the wrong decision. They think healing should feel like just instant freedom. But what's actually happening is it's a detox. You are detoxing from survival mode. You're teaching a nervous system that learned chaos, how to live in peace. It takes time. This is not a little switch flip, so let's reframe it a little bit. You're not craving the relationship in the way that a normal relationship would be craved or if you break up and there were lots of great qualities and this and that, and you miss the person. This is different. You're grieving the familiarity. You're releasing a role that you had to play for a long time. This was part of your identity, right? The fixer, the peacemaker, the emotional manager. You were busy girl, you were really busy and oh, I do want to say, and boy and man, I have found out I have more men followers than I thought I did. (08:09) So shout out to all of you too. And it sucks just as much for you guys and you can be my kings, okay? But when that role disappears, king or queen, there is space. A space can feel really uncomfortable before it feels freeing. Okay? And that doesn't mean you're going backward. I just had this conversation with one of my clients actually, it doesn't mean you're going backward, it means your healing is actually working. Okay? So that's the good news. That is the good news. That discomfort just means you're recalibrating. So here's something you can do the next time, a memory or longing hits. Instead of asking why do I miss them? Pause and ask, what does my body need right now? And then orient yourself. Do you guys know Orient yet? If you've been a long time follower, you probably do. If not, you are about to learn a little tool that elementary kids can learn. My daughter does it herself. It's a great, great way to calm your nervous system and it's easy and it's fast and it's fabulous. Okay, look around the room slowly. Name three things you can see. I love to do examples. So what's in my home? The gnome in the corner, of course I have a gnome, the basket with my dog's leash in it and my smart water to make me smart. (09:46) So you name three things. Feel your feet on the ground. If they're not on the ground, put 'em on the ground. Or I kindly ask you to place your feet on the ground if it's comfortable for you. Lexie, I'm being gentle. Alright? And then let your shoulders drop just a little. So we're looking around, we're grounding ourselves with our feet, letting our shoulders drop and just taking a nice inhale through the nose and out the mouth. My favorite halo breath, it's called, you're teaching your nervous system a new message. I am safe without chaos. And every time you do this, you weaken that old attachment. Not through force, but real safety, not the fake safety that it has with that narc. Okay, that was fake news, safety. So if this episode hit you today, I want you to know something very important. This stage, this confusing middle ground is where the real healing happens. (10:55) Not when you realize the truth, not when you first leave, which we would love it to be that way, believe me. But when

You can understand narcissistic abuse intellectually and still feel your body react instantly when they reach out. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck — it means your nervous system hasn’t learned safety yet. In this Thrive in 5, Christy shares a simple, powerful reset you can use in real time when you feel triggered, flooded, or pulled back into old emotional patterns. This short practice helps interrupt the automatic reaction cycle and teaches your body that you don’t have to perform, explain, or fix anything to stay safe. If you’ve been looking for a small but powerful shift to help your healing actually stick, this episode gives you one you can start using today. Your Next Step in Healing If you’re ready to move beyond awareness and start creating real emotional freedom, deeper support can help you practice these shifts in real life — not just understand them. Work With Me — Coaching Containers 3-Month Transformational Coaching (Deep Reset & Momentum) https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Queens of Peace Program (Deep Pattern Healing & Rebuild) https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Queens of Peace Program (Full Identity & Life Transformation) https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!) Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Join the Facebook Community Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text, you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen, this one's for you. Have you ever walked away from an interaction thinking, I stayed calm. I didn't take the bait. As Christie Jade always says, so why do I still feel shaken? Like your body's buzzing. Your mind won't stop replaying it, and somehow they're still in your head. Maybe hours later today I want to talk about why that happens, because it's not a lack of healing. So a lot of women think if I were really healed, I wouldn't react anymore. But healing from narcissistic abuse specifically doesn't start in your thoughts. It starts in your nervous system, all the fun. So your nervous system learned survival long before you learned boundaries, right? That's why you ended up having to learn about boundaries and hopefully setting some at this point, but maybe still not quite knowing how or knowing how to stick to them or handle backlash from them, all of that, right? (01:25) But here's what's really happening. So when you were in that dynamic with the narcissist, you body was trained to stay on alert. Unpredictability teaches your brain what? Stay ready, fix it fast, prevent the explosion. We know all about that escalation. So now, even when you may logically understand what they're doing, logically, I say that because, and let's be honest, even logically it doesn't always make sense, but logically, you can kind of explain it away. Your body still reads them as a threat. So that reaction you feel, it's not emotional weakness, it's conditioning. It's what you have been conditioned to feel by the entire situation. So this is why you can prepare the perfect response. Tell yourself, I'm not going to engage. And then one text comes in, and suddenly you have that sinking heart feeling, right? I know you know that feeling right? That heart drops, and it's not even exactly like, oh, you care what they think. Maybe anymore, maybe you used to. But even if you've stretched away from that feeling, it's because your body remembers what used to happen next. (03:01) Let that sink in. Your body remembers what used to happen next when you were closer with them, when you were living with them. And I know some of you may be listening that you're still in the situation. Most of my followers, most of my clients are away from the situation, or they may not live with the person if it's someone in their family, like a parent. But you could look at that. If it's a parent, right? When you live with them as a child, you're now still your body, still remembering what used to happen after you. Whatever way you weren't good enough or didn't do it right, or didn't do exactly what they wanted, how they wanted, even though it wasn't reasonable. Same thing if you were in a romantic situation with someone living with them. Same thing where your body is remembering what used to happen next. (04:02) So here's the shift. I would love you to try this week. Stop trying to win the interaction. We often can go to the other side of the pendulum. We feel like we've lost for so long that we just want to get these wins. What you need to do is start, which is a win, but it doesn't feel as satisfactory as a full win. But I'm going to tell you in the end what wins is peace. So start regulating yourself instead. You're not going to win as far as getting them to say what you want or do what you want, especially all the time, right? Occasionally, if they're desperate for something, they might give you a little carrot. But talking about for true healing, you have to stop trying to control them and trying to control the situation. Because really what you need to do is control yourself. Regulate yourself instead. So when you feel that surge, that heart, drop that spiraling out in the brain, any of that pause, and then put your feet on the ground. Take one slow breath. I love my halo breath. So in through the nose and out through the mouth. So you're inhaling. Two seconds, exhaling three to four seconds. Always exhaling a little more than you're inhaling. Please don't turn blue and pass out on me. Okay? If you need to just do two and two, that's fine. (05:47) We want this to be a calmer, not a passer outer. So you take in one exhale, one many seconds that looks to you, that's comfortable, and let your shoulders drop. Let your jaw loosen. So in those moments, and this takes a little training, you don't get it right the first time. That's fine. Look, we're all still growing. We're all still learning this. This is not an overnight shift, but the next time you catch yourself where you're able to do it, say, oh, yay, I get a gold coin to match my gold ground. Alright? So you're cheating your nervous something, nervous system, something new now, which is I don't have to react to stay safe anymore, right before to stay safe. What did that look like? That looked like, I mean, first of all, even I'm just picturing our body language, just like the hunch. You know what I'm talking about, that sinking into yourself, you feel that heart sink, your body collapses into itself. You're like maybe a dog between the tail, between its legs, this kind of, okay, oh no, I got to shrink because I don't want the explosion. (07:10) What else could that overexplaining ourselves? Right? So there's that. Oh, no, but I didn't mean to, no, that's not what I meant to do. That's not what I was saying, right? All of that, that urgency to fix, that urgency to make everything right, that weight on your shoulders, it is your responsibility to fix this because they have conditioned you that way. We actually are out of that situation. Now, if you are, I hope you are. If not, we got to get out of that. We got to get out of that situation. No one should let you feel like that, right? But I don't have to react to stay safe anymore, and that's where that detachment actually begins. And you could write that on a post-it note. Put it on your mirror, put it on your forehead, wherever you'll see it. I don't have to react to stay safe anymore. We've been conditioned to react in some way, whether that reaction could be very submissive, that reaction could be fighting for our lives. (08:27) So you're not behind in healing. I know a lot of you, so many of my clients are like, oh, no, it had an effect on me. It's a transition time. It's not overnight that it's not going to have an effect. This is the transition to I'm of, Hey, something has maybe triggered me or given me that visceral reaction, and you know what I'm going to do with that? I'm going to not sucked into it. I'm going to talk to myself and remind myself I don't have to react. I don't have to do what they want just because I'm conditioned to do what they want. (09:11) I don't have to react to stay safe anymore. I am safe. I am safe. I'm safe. I feel like screaming it on the mountaintop. Okay? So you are unwinding survival patterns that took years to build, right? So once you have this light bulb and it's like, oh, they're a narcissist. You kind of figure that out. You understand that more. Then you start to go, okay, well, I shouldn't react to this. I'm out of this situation, and why can't I just move on? Why can't I get unstuck? Why can't I look like him in his happy little bubble life? First of all, he's full of shit. He's not happy. Or whoever your narc is, they're not happy. That's a whole other episode. Actually, that's a good episode. I should dive into that. And I have this conversation with my clients a lot, right? Because it's almost like, not a jealousy, but a, how are they so fine? (10:10) Let's say if it's your ex, how are they doing so well? Why are they so happy? Why are they having no problem? Their whole life is a problem. Again, that's another episode I definitely will be doing because I love that topic now, but your job isn't to worry about them or compare yourself to realize you are human. And this took a long time, most likely for some longer than others, meaning you've been in it longer. It probably didn't take super long. I mean, they're good at what they do, so they get you in. Didn't take 'em super long to

The 3 Reasons You Still React to a Narcissist (Even When You Know Better) You’ve learned the patterns. You understand narcissistic behavior. And yet — you still find yourself reacting, explaining, defending, or feeling emotionally pulled back in. This episode breaks down why that happens and why it has nothing to do with weakness or lack of healing. Christy explains the nervous-system and psychological reasons survivors continue to react, and how awareness alone isn’t enough to change the pattern. If you’ve ever left an interaction thinking, “Why did that still affect me?” — this episode will bring clarity and relief. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why trauma bonding keeps your brain hooked even after separation How nervous system conditioning overrides logic in real time The hidden emotional triggers narcissists activate — often without words The shift that helps you move from reaction → regulation → response Your Next Step in Healing If you’re ready to stop overthinking interactions and start feeling calm, clear, and grounded again, deeper support can help you retrain both mindset and nervous system responses. 3-Month Transformational Coaching (Deep-Dive Support) https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Focused, high-support coaching to help you stabilize emotionally, implement boundaries, and break reactive patterns. 6-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ For women ready to fully rebuild self-trust, confidence, and emotional safety. 12-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Long-term transformation and identity rebuilding after narcissistic abuse. Additional Support & Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free): https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/ Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Contact: https://christyjade.podbean.com/e/ep-5-the-grey-rock-method-how-to-disconnect-from-narcissistic-abusers/   TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1 (00:00): So you understand narcissistic behavior now or at least way more than you used to. You see the manipulation, you see the patterns you promised yourself, you will not get pulled in again. And then one message shows up and suddenly your heart is racing. You're explaining yourself again, and afterward you're wondering, why am I still reacting like this? Today we're going to talk about why that happens and why it does not mean you are failing at healing. Okay? Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. (00:51) Hello queen. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with Christy Jade. Alright, so I want to start first with something that I hear constantly, and maybe you've said this to yourself too. I know what they're doing. So why does it still affect me? Because there's this strange phase in healing where your awareness wakes up, but your nervous system is still lagging. It's still not caught up, and this is very, very normal. So I want you to know that first of all, right, your mind understands what happened, but your body, that nervous system, all the things still reacts like it is happening now. Basically it's stuck, and I get that word so much from my clients, I feel stuck. So the text comes in, your stomach drops, you feel pressure to respond immediately. That urgency, oh, I'm familiar, I remember that guy. Do not miss urgency. And you start mentally defending yourself before you've even unlocked your phone and afterwards, then comes the shame. (02:04) I should be past this. So today I want to walk you through something very gently, well, as queen gently as I can be, right? Because there are really three things happening underneath these reactions, and once you see them, you will stop blaming yourself. Well, that is my goal here. Okay, so reason one, your body still thinks you are in danger. When you lived inside these narcissistic dynamics, your nervous system adapted to survive the unpredictability. This is something that is not normal. It's not what most people have to go through in life, this unpredictable, unsafe feeling all the time. So you learn to respond quickly, explain fast, fix tension before it actually escalated. Not you were weak, but because your brain was protecting you, right? Your subconscious. So now when that person reaches out, your body reacts before logic has time to step in. Your heart speeds up your thoughts, race desperately trying to figure out what to do, even though a lot of times we've been through this over and over and you feel that urgency again, urgency is my enemy. (03:32) I still have some residual, and this is just a little side note, I'll get back in a second, but my a DD creeps in a side note of urgency that can be created even though I have healed so much and comes so far, and I don't feel that urgency to, especially those people that I know longer have relationship with or other similar toxic personalities that come along that treat people like that can try to condition you to feel like everything's urgent even though I don't have that. When you've been conditioned like that for a long time, especially if you grew up with it in your family, childhood, it's a long-term thing. You can develop just an urgency in general, which I've gotten rid of, but not totally all the way. So when I say we're still healing, we're always healing. No one in the world is always ever healed. (04:28) We're all on our different paths. I want to be very transparent. I have come so far and I am a completely different person in a fabulous way of who I used to be as far as narcissistic abuse recovery goes, but there's still some things in life that we still have to work on, and sometimes I'll get these little dings of this just urgency because it was so conditioned in my nature. So anyway, we're going to go back to what we're talking about here, but you might be able to relate to that, and I just want to be honest with you guys, so it's not like I know a lot of you will say you feel behind. Well, guess what? There is no behind. We're all always healing. So this urgency creates reaction and you're not reacting to this specific moment. Your nervous system is reacting to what it remembers, everything it remembers. And healing begins when the moment that you realize this is not a character flaw, it's just conditioning. So sometimes the most powerful change is simply pausing and shining a light on it, not answering right away, letting your body catch up to reality before your fingers start typing and you start explaining Overexplaining, can we be real? (06:04) I mean, there's so many different reactions we have with narcissists that we've been conditioned to do the overexplaining and just this trying to get the right word because you don't want to escalate and then you're like, well, maybe I shouldn't. There's back and forth in your own head and then it's too late. You already sent this message. So a lot of power comes in pausing and not answering right away, if at all. Do you have to answer? It depends right? With someone. You have to, and there's so many episodes I have on this type of stuff. Gray Rock Method episode is a really good place to start, but don't take the bait, don't get emotional. Keep it simple, keep it short, keep it factual. These are all tips in there. So not answering right away and also go listen to that episode and let your body catch up with reality before you actually start responding. (07:06) It is a great, fantastic idea when you get, first of all, you don't even need to read it right away unless it's like they have your child for the weekend. It could be an emergency, right? If not, you don't have to read it right away. Even the urgency is made up. It's bullshit. They conditioned us to feel, okay? So unless it's involving your child in the moment, it's not an emergency. They can wait and you can get your thoughts together to think of how you can stay in your power and your peace and respond with no emotion and no extra information for them either. That is a big tip. Don't let them have extra information that they can use against you. Okay? So reason two, you're still communicating. This is a healthy relationship. Most survivors keep reacting because they're still trying to communicate normally. So you're trying to clarify, you're trying to be fair as you would with anyone. (08:07) You're trying to be the bigger person in a way. We talked about this a little bit last week. You're trying to be understood. Can I tell you one of our biggest triggers as narcissist, abuse, recover, or survivors is being misunderstood. Anyone out there? Yeah. Is that true? I know it's true For me, one of my Achilles was being misunderstood. Now you misunderstand me. That's on you. B, bye-bye. Not my shit. Hashtag not my shit. Okay? But that is something that can definitely be a trigger. So when we feel like we're being misunderstood, which they'll purposely misunderstand you or pretend they are misunderstanding you, we go into, oh no, I have to make sure. So now I have to what? Over. Explain. Okay. (08:58) Healthy relationships resolve through communication. So we think, oh, if I communicate I can make this better. That's what we should think. If we're in a healthy relationship, we should think, oh, well I need to talk about this. We need to work through this. We can get through this together, but we're not in a healthy relationship even if we're outside the relationship, we are technically in relationship with this person. If we're in communication with them, which I know a lot of you are, especially when you are co-parenting or trying to figu

Short Description Narcissistic co-parents are masters at twisting boundaries—but you don’t have to fall for their traps. In this Thrive in 5, I break down 3 sneaky tactics they use and exactly how to outsmart them so you can protect your peace and power. 👑✨ 💻 Courses & Coaching 👑 Empowered Boundaries Course → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ ✨ Work 1:1 With Me (current 1:1 programs) →  3-Month Coaching Container Focused, high-touch support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and stop being emotionally hijacked by co-parenting dynamics. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Coaching Container Deeper healing and integration for women ready to fully rebuild self-trust, emotional safety, and confidence after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Coaching Container A long-term, transformational container for women ready to fully reclaim their power, peace, and identity — and create a steady, regulated life beyond survival mode. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 🌟 Connect & Resources 👑 Join the Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade 🎁 Free Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 🎤 Subscribe to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast → https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/f7vsi-208d1a/Narcissistic-Abuse-Recovery-Podcast 🎧 Related Podcast Episode 🪨 The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal with a Narcissist if You Cannot Go No Contact https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776 TRANSCRIPTS Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today we are breaking down the three biggest boundary traps that narcissists use in co-parenting. They are sneaky little ways. They try to keep you off balance, steal your peace and rope you into their chaos. No thank you. So here's the best part. I'm not just going to tell you what the traps are. I'm going to give you the exact tools to outsmart them every single time. Queen Edge. Alright, so the first is the infamous guilt trip. You're probably familiar with that, right? They'll say things like, if you really cared about the kids, you'd switch weekends or you're being so selfish by not helping me out. And what is their goal to make you feel like a bad mom or a bad co-parent? (01:09) Bad parent, period. Unless you cave, right? They're trying to get whatever fits into what benefits them. So how do you outsmart it? First you stick to the plan and then literally repeat the boundary without defending it. Remember this part without defending it? So that could look like, nope, we're going to stick to the parenting schedule and then pause. Zip it. Do not explain. Okay? We have a tendency when we are people pleasers or empaths or don't want to be misunderstood. That was a big trigger for me just in my life being misunderstood. So over explaining can make us feel like maybe we'll be understood or just giving reasons, right? Don't explain, don't argue, don't get emotional. None of those things are going to help, okay? You want to outsmart them. Remember that the silence is actually the strength, okay? Remember, silence is strength. Silence is strength. (02:18) Don't take the bait. Okay? So number two, the endless negotiator, okay, you say no and they immediately push back. Well what about just this one time? Or well if we switch next week instead, or what if I pick them up later instead of earlier? What if all the different things to try to get their way somehow and getting their way equals what? Control. That's what they're trying to get. We're not going to give it to 'em, okay? They keep changing the terms to wear you down. So this is actually calculated, manipulative. When they're doing this. They figure if they can drag you into the back and forth, they then already have your energy. They're already gaining the power over you. So how do we outsmart it? Again, don't take the bait. My favorite phrase of life, restate once, then disengage. So it's very similar. So something like, no, we'll be sticking to the plan. (03:27) If they keep pushing, don't respond. I would maybe say it twice. If they have a first negotiation party coming out of their mouth, say, Nope, we'll be sticking to the plan. Nope, we'll be sticking the plan and then don't respond. Or maybe on the third time you say, I've already answered and move on your time, energy and sanity are what is not up for negotiation. And if you let them repeatedly suck you into where you're responding over and over and over, they are gaining that power and feeling like they're getting you closer and closer to giving them what they want. And they probably are half the time, okay? So don't get sucked in. Alright? So trap three, the victim act, okay? They'll say something like, you're making my life harder or You're the reason I can't see my kids as much as I want. They play the poor me card to twist the narrative and put you back in caretaker mode. (04:44) They know at this point that you have a big heart. They know that. Know your soft spots, they know your buttons so they know even more specifically what they can say in these situations to get you to feel sorry for them. So how do you outsmart this? Don't step into the role they are assigning you. Okay? I want you to hear that one. Don't step into the role they are assigning you. It's not your role, baby. Okay? It ain't your role. It doesn't look good on you anymore. Nope, we're moving on. So a simple firm statement like I'm not responsible for your feelings. We're following the parenting plan. And then again, if they come push back, you repeat again, we're following the parenting plan. And then you say, I've already answered, move on. If you give it that much, I'm saying three max, three responses max. (05:49) It's not your job to rescue them. I know we love rescuing. Gosh, I mean, I adopted a child, I adopted a dog. I'm all about that rescue life. I get it, girl. No, but I know you probably have a beautiful heart. You understand? You feel like, oh, maybe they had a hard childhood or this and that, all the things, or oh, they lost their job. There's so many things and feelings, I get it. But it is your job to protect your peace and your child's emotional safety above everything else. If you're a God person, it is God, you and your kid. It is not your job to save a narcissist. It's not your job to save a toxic person. It's not your job to save anyone, your child hell yeah, save that child and saving your own sanity for yourself, but also for your child. (06:52) Your child needs the most stable, healthy minded parent they can, especially because they have another parent who is so unhealthy. Okay? So keep that in mind when you're feeling guilty or second guessing your role, that's your role. Your role is to be a peaceful parent and that does not mean that you cave to the narcissist. Okay? So here's your thriving five challenge for the week. You like that? Alright? You're going to watch for these traps, the guilt trip, the negotiator, the victim, and the next time one of them shows up, practice outsmarting it by keeping your responses short, firm and free of over-explaining. And again, I've mentioned a lot recently, I feel like my Gray Rock Method episodes, so if I forget to link them, I hope I don't, I might. And just look up Gray Rock Method in my podcast or with my name and it should come up. (08:00) I think there's two episodes on the Gray Rock method that is all about going a little more deeply into this stuff. But if you want even more tools to help you hold boundaries that actually stick, I mean it is a whole, my course is epic. You will never ever regret purchasing it. It has changed people's lives just from the course. Obviously the one-on-one work is super transformational and customized because I'm there with you every step of the way. The second best thing, if you really want to have transformational experience with not just the co-parent, but anyone else you come into contact with that is controlling, toxic, any of that unhealthy, and you aren't so great at keeping boundaries or maintaining them or what to do in the conversations if they push back or if they do not respect your boundaries. All of that is in that it is a 10 video course and it's one dripped out every week. (09:12) These have been selling like little cute pancakes, hotcakes sound like the hotcakes because it's really, really important as a foundation to thrive. In order to thrive, you need to be confident and set boundaries. It is the foundation of moving on into this kind of thriving mentality, which you can do by the way, no matter who you are, what you've been through, you can, there's 10 modules. There's a meditation bundle that goes along with it. If you're into the namaste, calm your body and it's designed to help you step out of survival mode and into peace. Because if you're feeling stuck, one of the problems that is keeping you stuck a big major problem is that you're not feeling strong enough, confident enough, and self trusting enough to set boundaries. And we talk about that in the boundary scores. So it's the energetics, it's the confidence, it's building that and setting the boundaries, evaluating what boundaries you need to have, having the conversations if you need to have them. (10:32) And again, going from there, okay, Queens need boundaries and you're a damn queen. Look at you. Go look in the mirror. Would you take a second? Go check her out. She's super hot and she looks like she needs a boundary course called Empowered Boundaries. So I'll put the link in the show notes if you want to do one-on-one. Those of you listening who have signed up with

If co-parenting feels harder now than it did when you were in the relationship, you’re not imagining it. Many women experience intense anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and self-doubt long after separation — even when they’re doing everything “right.” In this episode, we unpack why co-parenting with a narcissist or high-conflict parent often feels like emotional whiplash, and why traditional advice like “just communicate better” can actually keep you stuck in a cycle of dysregulation. You’ll learn what’s really happening beneath the surface, why your nervous system reacts so strongly, and what shift actually creates steadiness and relief. This conversation is about naming what others miss — and giving you language, clarity, and direction when co-parenting feels impossible. What You’ll Learn in This Episode Why co-parenting can feel worse after the relationship ends How intermittent emotional reinforcement keeps your nervous system on edge Why “healthy communication” backfires with narcissistic personalities The real goal of co-parenting in high-conflict dynamics How reducing emotional access restores calm and clarity Your Next Step in Healing If this episode named something you’ve been feeling but couldn’t explain, this is the exact work I do inside my private coaching containers — helping women move from emotional whiplash to emotional containment so they can protect their peace and show up grounded for their kids. Work With Me 1:1 3-Month Coaching Container Focused, high-touch support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and stop being emotionally hijacked by co-parenting dynamics. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Coaching Container Deeper healing and integration for women ready to fully rebuild self-trust, emotional safety, and confidence after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Coaching Container A long-term, transformational container for women ready to fully reclaim their power, peace, and identity — and create a steady, regulated life beyond survival mode. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Free Boundaries Pocket Guide https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade 📩 Contact: 00:00): Hello, hello everybody. How are you? I hope you are doing well. It has been super cold, super cold here in the DC area. We got lots of snow/ice. They were calling it, now I forget, some mix between ice and concrete. Ice create. That sounds like ice cream, but I don't think that was it. Anyway, it has been quite a wild ride over here and I want to do a special nervous system reset on Thursday. So make sure to follow this podcast on my main page. Just make sure to hit follow so you can get all my episodes, all my fancy stuff. But today we're talking about co-parenting because I know most of my clients are going through that. A lot of you listeners are going through that. And today I'm going to talk about why it feels like emotional whiplash more than co-parenting and why "good communication" can actually make it worse. (00:58) Sometimes we're not given the best advice. (01:04) Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five-minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you. So welcome back. I'm Christie Jade. If you are co-parenting with a narcissist or high conflict, toxic, whatever buzzword you want to insert there, and you're feeling anxious, dysregulated, needing that namaste like myself right now. But it might be right after you're coming out or soon out of a relationship, or it could be you're years out and you're still feeling this, then you are in the right place today. This is one I've been wanting to record a while because it addresses something so many people feel, but don't really have the language for. So why does co-parenting feel harder than the marriage did in ways? Some of us who come out go, "Wait a second. (02:17) Why does this feel harder? Should I have just stayed?" It can get even to that point. Why does a two-sentence text knock you out emotionally for hours or have you spinning, your mind spinning and trying to analyze, or you're just uptight on those eggshells you were when you were with them and you're still walking on the eggshells in different ways now. Why does all the advice about, "Oh, just be the bigger person, have good communication, seem to actually make things worse instead of better." I'm going to answer all of it. That's why Queen Christ is here. We're all queens in this together, right? So put your little shiny crown on and we'll have a little chatsky. Drink your beverage, your favorite beverage. Get cozy for this one. Mom's got a lot to say. All right. So first, let's start here. If co-parenting feels like emotional whiplash, one minute they're calm, maybe even cooperative. (03:20) I've heard that from many of clients. Sometimes they act totally cooperative, but then boom, you turn around and it's back to the old shit. And then you're flooded with the anxiety, anger at them or even self-doubt, right? Going, wait, did I do this? Did I cause this? Or having guilty feelings or doubting yourself or almost guilt or ashamed, being ashamed or feeling shame around any and all of the past or present things going on. So it's not necessarily a sign you're totally unhealed. That experience has a name. It's intermittent emotional reinforcement. Okay? So here's what almost no one explains clearly enough. Co-parenting with a narcissist is not primarily about parenting. Obviously, I mean, there's more to this, right? But I want to first say, of course, that's not saying it's not the focus. (04:27) The focus is always being the best we can for our kid, but I'll get to that. But it's about the continued emotional access. So the relationship ended, but the access didn't end. First of all, it feels like it can't because you're still tied by the children, right? And that is somewhat true. But every text, every quick clarification, every schedule issue becomes their opportunity to reassert control. And what do we know about narcissists? They're always trying to either gain control or see if they still have control. It's always about power and control. It also gives them opportunity to create confusion. That is one of their favorite things to do is confuse or pull you back into self-doubt. That's why it feels so destabilizing. So why the good communication backfires? Most co-parenting advice assumes two emotionally safe adults who want resolution. So when you see all this, "Oh, co-parenting," and you're like, "My friends over there, Dick and Susie know how to do it. (05:44) Why can't we do it? " Well, one of them's probably not a narcissist or the other one knows how to navigate narcissists, right? If there is a narcissist involved, which is not common. But narcissists or high conflict, the toxic people, personalities, whatever you want to call it, they don't want resolution. So that's the difference too between you have two healthy adults co-parenting. They both want resolution. They want what's best for the kid. A narcissist wants what's best for the narcissist. Okay? That's a very, very different game you're playing. They want engagement with you even. I'm talking about with you. They want a reaction and they want relevance. So when you're told, "Just communicate clearly. Oh, just be calm. Just keep it about the kids." Mind you, do I say this in some of my coaching? Yes, but it's mixed with other things. Just keep it about the kids. (06:56) In that case, I would say when you're responding to them, you do only have to answer things that are pertinent to the children. That's an example. But sometimes people just say in general, "Oh, it's some easy thing to just keep about the kids, just be calm." When you're actually, what you're actually being asked to do is to stay emotionally available. And that's the very thing that can keep that cycle alive, which we don't want to do. So the somatic piece of this, which if you don't know, I do a lot of somatic work with my coaching. All the information my coaching can get more details is in the show notes, the description. Click on any of the links of my ... I have three programs. This is the part that matters deeply because if you're sensitive, intuitive, highly empathetic, like yours truly, which can be a blessing and a curse in some situations it feels like, right? (07:56) But your nervous system, learn this person before your mind could explain them. So when you get a message from this person, you get the tight chest, you get the racing, spinning thoughts I was talking about, the sinking feeling in your stomach, that's not weakness. It's not you being irrationally afraid, right? It's pattern recognition. So I want you to kind of soak that in. (08:31) It's your body knowing what unpredictability costs, because you've experienced it already with this person. This also, if you may notice in other situations, right? If something's similar, it's kind of like what we call a trigger. And in some situations where PTSD can trigger things, right? You can have that same feeling with somebody else because it's the same pattern. So it's pattern recognition. In this case, it's double whammy because it's the same person, same pattern, very, very familiar. Yeah? So here's the reframe that I want you to hold onto. The goal is not healthy communication. It's emotional containment, right? You're not co-parenting for connection. It would be great. Yes. How great would it be if we could be BFFs with our exes and co-parent together, or even FFs, or even just F, friends, rig

If you’ve ever wondered why you feel overwhelmed, reactive, emotional, or exhausted after dealing with a narcissist — this episode is for you. So many women come out of narcissistic abuse believing something is wrong with them. That they’re “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “too much.” But what you’re experiencing isn’t a personality flaw — it’s a nervous system response. In this episode, I explain why your body may still be on high alert long after the narcissist is gone, how emotional conditioning keeps you stuck in self-doubt, and why logic alone doesn’t stop these reactions. Most importantly, we talk about how to begin restoring safety inside your body so you can stop blaming yourself and start trusting yourself again. You are not broken. Your body learned how to survive. Your Next Step in Healing If your body still feels stuck in fight-or-flight — even when you know the narcissist was the problem — deeper support can make all the difference. I offer three private coaching containers depending on the level of support you’re ready for: Transformational Coaching – 3-Month Deep-Dive A focused container to stabilize your nervous system, reduce emotional reactivity, and rebuild self-trust. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Queens of Peace – 6-Month Coaching Container For deeper nervous system healing, boundary integration, and identity rebuilding after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Queens of Peace – 12-Month Coaching Container For women ready to fully reclaim their peace, power, and sense of self long-term. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Questions or not sure where to start? Email me directly at https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 • Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ • Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ • Free Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

If you’ve ever wondered why your body still panics—even when you know better—this episode is for you. Narcissists don’t just manipulate conversations; they manipulate states like fear, urgency, guilt, and confusion. And once your nervous system is activated, logic goes offline. In this episode, Christy breaks down three specific ways narcissists hijack your nervous system, why your reactions are not a failure, and how to begin calming your body so you can respond with clarity instead of spiraling. This is especially important for anyone co-parenting, navigating post-separation abuse, or dealing with a narcissistic parent or ex. You’ll learn how nervous system hijacking actually works—and why healing isn’t about “being stronger,” but about safety, regulation, and self-trust. Your Next Step in Healing If interactions with a narcissist still send your body into panic or shutdown, 1:1 coaching offers personalized nervous-system-aware support, communication strategy, and boundary clarity—especially for high-conflict or co-parenting situations. Email: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Coaching Container Deep nervous system work, boundary integration, and identity rebuilding so you stop second-guessing yourself and start living from calm authority. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Coaching Container Long-term healing for complex trauma, co-parenting, family narcissism, and post-separation abuse—supporting true, lasting regulation and peace. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free) https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): If you've ever thought, why am I still panicking when I know better? This episode is for you. Today, I'm going to break down three very specific ways narcissists hijack your nervous system so you can stop blaming yourself and start calming your body again. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. Alright, so welcome back. Let me say this clearly right out of the gates, if your body still reacts even after therapy, after setting your lovely boundaries and doing everything right, you are not failing. Your nervous system has been trained. So narcissists don't just manipulate conversations, right? They manipulate states. So states of fear, urgency, God, I hate that one. Guilt and confusion. So today we're not talking about just, oh, just ignore 'em or be stronger, right? (01:19) We're talking about how the hijacking actually happens and what helps you come back to safety. Alright? So the first way they use urgency to bypass your regulation, this one is very, very important and one that I didn't really learn about till later in my research. Education, knowledge, all of them, right? This urgency is something we all get conditioned to have. So it can be sneaky, it can be sudden texts, last minute demands, fake emergencies. I remember having some of those, like this needs to be handled right now or call me immediately. I've literally had a narcissist say, this is an emergency you need to pick up when I wouldn't pick up. And then it goes, you go, oh, okay. And then you find out it's not really an emergency, right? So urgency shuts down your thinking brain and activates what we are familiar with survival mode. (02:33) So your body doesn't ask, is this real? It asks, am I in danger? And once you respond from that place, the narcissist feels power again. So what do we do with all this, right? I can just, sorry, I'm just thinking back to that urgency feeling and how disruptive is right. So I just want to, I guess for solidarity sake right now, say I see you and I feel you in this space of urgency. And it's this just constant stress in your body that is feeling like everything's urgent and this fear of if you don't respond right away, if you don't do what they say, it's this tight chest tight neck. It literally changes your body, not just your mentally, but your body, your physiology. So one way to reframe it is that urgency does not mean importance. So what can help with this is before responding pause and orient, because you have to pull yourself out of this urgency. (03:55) You have to retrain, reframe your brain so that you don't feel stuck in this cycle. So orienting, I've talked about this on here before, but this really helps in these situations. So you can just pause wherever you are. This is great. You can do this tool anywhere. Name three things you can see. So I'll do an example right now that you don't have to think about it. This is non-thinking work. This is get in your body work. Okay, Queens, we need to get in our bodies way more. So how do we do that? Orienting is one step. So I'm looking at my beautiful floral picture. It always helps. I like to my eyes organically kind of gravitate towards the prettiest things in the room. So this beautiful, beautiful bouquet of flowers. So automatically I'm looking at that and remember to just kind of focus on the details, even if it's one detail. (04:57) There's just this one kind of magenta flower against the rest of the pastel. So I'm kind of just letting my gaze set on that and just observing that for a minute. And not even a whole minute, but a few seconds, 30 seconds. A second thing right now I'm looking at my flamingo. She's beautiful too, but what really crotches my eye is her glittering gold crown. Yes, I have a flamingo with a crown because how crispy is that, right? So I'm just letting my gaze settle on her crown and enjoying the reflecting light on the glitter as glitter is my favorite color all. And just kind of letting myself be present looking at that. And then I'm going to look another direction and I'm seeing a beautiful piece of artwork again, it's a different piece of artwork. I have a lot of artwork. I love art. (06:00) If you don't know that about me, now you do. And it's got some really beautiful teal shades in the background. And this also is a nice little cozy feeling because me and my stepsister and my daughter created this artwork together and it's just beautiful. So that's like an extra icing on the cake. If it is something beautiful or that has a nice story with it, but it doesn't have to be, it could just be like a couch cushion and you're just looking a little deeper into it, like the texture. So those are three things you can see, and you can name them out loud. You can say beautiful flowers, crazy old flamingo with the crown, gorgeous teal background of the painting, right? Then you put your feet on the floor, okay? Because this is, you want to get grounded. So you're getting present, you're getting grounded, noticing you're right here in this moment. Your feet are here on the ground, you are here. (07:12) And slow your breath. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. That's called a halo breath. Inhale through your nose and out your mouth, okay? And then ask, is this truly urgent or just activating? Now my example where that person said this is an emergency. Of course, when we have children, let's say your child is at their house, you are of course, no matter what, that's going to feel urgent, be urgent until the true story, whether it is or not. So you do have to respond to something like that. But there's a lot of examples, and you probably can already think of some that aren't truly based on urgency, right? So if they're saying, I want to know if blah, blah, blah, but it's really not that urgent, but they make it feel urgent. They have a tendency to get that control and that power over you. And you go, is this really urgent or is it activating? Or is it just what I've been taught to respond like this? Alright, so number two, another way is they weaponize tone not content. So here's why their message messages mess with you even when they're reasonable. (08:45) And that other people, I feel like we're always like, oh, other people don't see it, of things like that where it seems reasonable, but you know that you can see the difference or hear the difference. So it's not what they say, it's how they often say it. But that sarcasm, a kind of cold politeness. If you know subtle digs, maybe not so subtle digs, but we're talking about the more subtle things and concern that feels threatening. So your nervous system remembers who you are and how they make you feel, how it makes your body feel with their tone, with their actions, all of that, your body remembers, right? That's why we do somatic work, which I'll talk about in a little bit. Not just the words. It's not just the words, it's the whole energy around it. So that's why you reread their messages over and over. (09:54) I know you've done that. That's why your chest tightens that neck. Like oh, it's just everything the muscles contract in your body and that's why you spiral. The mental spiral is real. So you're not dramatic, you're conditioned. Okay, so with this one, what helps read the message once and identify the category, not the emotion. Okay, is it logistics? Is it information, useful information? Maybe, maybe not. Is it bait? Are they baiting you? Right? And so you respond only to the category, not the tone. Is it logistics with picking up your child? Don't take the bait part of it, just respond with an answer if you need to yet two o'clock, whatever time you agreed upon whatever it is, or is it just bait? Often it can just be bait. Now why would you do X, Y, Z? There's no real question in there. That is a bait question. (11:21) If it's something they do not need to know. An

Sometimes healing doesn’t start with heavy insight — it starts with a laugh. In today’s Thrive in Five, Christy shares a light, humor-filled episode inspired by a conversation with her daughter about how dogs can surprisingly mirror narcissistic behavior. While this episode is playful, the patterns it highlights are very real — and often the same ones survivors were conditioned to normalize in toxic relationships. This episode offers a nervous-system-friendly way to recognize narcissistic traits without shame, overwhelm, or self-blame. If you’ve ever laughed at something and then thought, “Wait… why does that feel familiar?” — this one’s for you. In this short episode, you’ll notice: Why constant attention is not the same as connection How selective listening shows up in narcissistic dynamics What boundary violations really signal (and why they’re not your fault) Why love-bombing feels confusing but familiar How emotional regulation often gets unfairly placed on you This episode is meant to be a collective exhale — because awareness doesn’t always have to come from pain. Your Next Step in Healing If humor helps you see patterns, boundaries help you change them. Download the Boundaries Pocket Guide to learn how to protect your peace without guilt or over-explaining. 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Work With Christy 1:1 3-Month Coaching Container Ideal for unraveling confusion, breaking trauma bonds, and stabilizing your nervous system. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Coaching Container For rebuilding self-trust, boundaries, and identity after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Coaching Container Deep integration, long-term support, and lasting transformation. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Contact: 00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Okay, so I was joking the other day about how my dog is such a narcissist and my daughter was like, you should totally do an episode on how dogs are like narcissists. And I thought it was funny, but then I was like, you know what? Things are pretty heavy in the world right now. There's a lot going on. We could all use a little chuckle. So here it is, a little Christy humor today, but there is some real nuggets you can also take away from today's episode. So to be clear, this is a jokey episode, but stay with me because humor is sometimes the safest way to see patterns we've been trained to ignore. (01:01) Alright, so sign number one that the dog is maybe a narcissist. The constant need for attention, your dog will stare at you, not blink, just stare until you acknowledge them. The translation is narcissists need constant attention, validation, reassurance, and emotional energy. Or they get very dysregulated like our little pups. A reminder though, the attention isn't connection, real connection does not require you to perform on the in the narc sense of things, right? In the human narc sense of things. Sign number two, selective listening. So your dog can hear a cheese wrapper from, I don't know, three rooms away, but come here, come here. I just had this happen two days ago with mine. Come here. I have a little Maltese cutest thing ever, but that guy doesn't listen unless he wants cheese, but nothing. I called him four times. Little guy was like, Nope. Because he knew I didn't have anything for him that he wanted at the moment, right? Translation, narcissists, hear what benefits them and ignore what doesn't. Especially your needs, feelings or boundaries. And the reminder for this consistently not hearing you isn't confusion. It's prioritization, right? All right, sign three zero. Respect for boundaries. Okay, bathroom time. Anyone, this is kind of like toddlers too, but dogs, your lap, there's your bed. Also theirs. The translation is narcissists feel entitled to your space, your time, your energy and access. Because boundaries feel like rejection to them. (03:04) Do you know that? It's always about them. So if you have boundary for yourself, they're going to make it about them anyway. So the reminder, someone reacting badly to a boundary doesn't mean the boundary is wrong. Sign number four, love bombing. Your dog ignores you all day, then suddenly you grab your keys and they're obsessed with you and no, no, mommy, don't go. Does that sound familiar? The translation narcissists turn on affection when they sense distance or loss of control, not because they've changed narcissists, don't change. Reminder, consistency is the green flag. Intensity is not. We need our people, our partners, to show up consistently. Not just like, ooh, they just have that passionate fire and then it's just gone. They also punish us with that silent treatment. Abuse, the regular. Alright, sign number five. You are expected to regulate their emotions. Your dog is anxious, overstimulated, reactive. Somehow it's your job to manage that (04:34) Translation. With narcissist. You end up soothing, explaining, fixing, calming while they avoid accountability. Be with a dog. It's kind of okay. And all these things might be okay with the dog, but we're talking about comparing it to the narcissist. Human reminder. In this case, you are not required to regulate someone else's emotions to be loved unless they're furry and eight pounds and cued as a button. So obviously dogs are innocent, narcissists are not. But humor helps us notice the patterns without the shame. So if this made you laugh and go, oh wow, hey, that's some awareness. And awareness is where healing actually starts. All right, so happy thrive in five Thursday. I hope you enjoyed this. Just fun little escape. I dunno, I felt like we needed to just have a little pivot of silliness. If you don't know me very well, you will find I am a silly one. (05:42) A little wild, little outspoken. And I love dogs. But do I love narcissists? No I don't. So are dogs really narcissists? No. But if they were humans, they maybe would be good thing they're dogs. Alright, so I hope you enjoyed this episode. And don't forget to join my Facebook fam. I have a private Facebook group of women with women just like you that are members and it is private. There are questions to get in. Please fill those out. That is to make sure we are all nice and safe and there's no bots or crazy people, narcissists, furry dogs in our group. And also if you want to work on it, I do make healing fun in many ways. Ask my clients, we can have fun and we also get some major healing done. And if you want that, go check out my show notes. I have the ways to work one-on-one with me and there's my boundaries course. (06:45) If you're a little more hands off right now and you just want to do an at your own pace course, that is a great option as well. And then there's a couple freebies always listed in there that you can do like my Pocket Boundaries, I can't even think of the name of it, but it's beautiful, it's fun and it's free. So that's in there. And as always, don't forget to follow and subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to this. Go to my main page and hit follow so you don't miss another episode because there's so many, they're not all off topic talking about dogs and crazy stuff. So dig into some more serious ones and get some more healing. This is a long game. I always say it's so weird because it's a long game, but we get so much done so quickly because there is a lot of healing to do when you have the damage done from a narcissist. (07:45) So there's a lot, but we get so much done so quickly, especially obviously in my one-on-ones sessions. Those are weekly. By the way, someone did ask me the other day how frequently the calls are. We have one-on-one calls once a week. It's great. And that's a mix of coaching and somatic healing, which is healing from the body because our body stores everything it does, it keeps it in there. So this is a way to heal. But just even the podcasts, I have tons of emails every week coming in saying how the podcasts alone when they have binged them, have helped them get out of relationships or start to see things they never saw before. And also in parallel or and heal from that start really healing their body and getting these tools to use in everyday life. So that's the thrive in fives those tools. (08:43) And then obviously Tuesdays are my longer episodes. We dive into more of the meat, we get a little deeper and really on the why's, the how's the why did this happen? We got a lot of those questions. Why did this happen? How do I navigate co-parenting? My parents this? All of those are in the Tuesdays and then we do little somatic healings on Thursdays, which that ongoing getting that knowledge mixed with the tools is going to set you up for healing with or without that one-on-one. Obviously the one-on-one is like you want transformation even faster and you want it customized, that's your jam, right? So find the healing that is best for you. There are literally options for any space you are in. Any financial situation you are in there is something for you. And if you have questions on anything, you can email me. My email is always in the show notes too. So find that or sign up for one-on-one sign for the Facebook page and I'll see you in the next episode.