Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery

Thom’s Nutshell: "Self-denial results in dependence. Self-acceptance creates independence." Waking up is a process, not an event. A road back to our true lost selves. Daniel Fulop-Furlano joins Allen to talk about his journey towards emotional sobriety, which began with the “Divided Sky” rehab retreat in Ludlow, Vermont. Dan’s book, “Sincerely, Delusional,” is a testament to both the sincerity of his delusion (which we also call “sleepwalking”), and the capacity, beginning with an earnest asking for help, that he’s built brick by brick as a person courageously exposing and addressing his deep set dependencies. Learn more about Dan and purchase his remarkable book: https://www.sincerelydelusional.com Learn more about Divided Sky: https://dividedsky.org Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at [email protected] for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Introduction and Grateful Dead Sphere Chat(00:01:02) - Setting Up the Conversation on Waking Up(00:02:39) - The Flight to Rehab and Sincere Delusion(00:04:21) - Hitting the Bottom and Limitation(00:06:42) - Arriving at Treatment and Losing Freedom(00:08:49) - Returning a Year Later and Writing the Book(00:12:22) - Discovering Emotional Sobriety Language(00:14:51) - Compassion, Honesty, and Safe Spaces in Treatment(00:18:46) - Deciding to Go to Treatment Despite Resistance(00:21:11) - Sacrifice and Choosing Recovery Over Life Events(00:23:11) - Living Fully After Recovery(00:23:54) - Public Speaking, Nerves, and Practice(00:28:10) - Emotional Sobriety as Maturity and Practice(00:29:37) - Waking Up Back Into the World(00:31:41) - Book's Impact and Reactions from Readers(00:32:50) - Life as an Adventure and Closing Thoughts

Thom’s Nutshell: "Are you solving the problems you want to solve, or the problems you think you are supposed to solve?" With emotional sobriety comes a commitment to being honest and authentic with each other and especially ourselves in order to live “congruently.” In line with our values, not oppositional to our natures. This necessitates becoming aware of the unreasonable expectations and unenforceable rules so we can disentangle from them. Acceptance of those is the key part of living and loving differently. This doesn’t mean “giving up.” Acceptance is seeing reality clearly enough to respond wisely. Owning our resistance, the paradox of change, is another important key we encounter. Patrick’s living and loving demarcation point was his sobriety date, and returning guest Carol Carter’s was in 1987. In recovery from various forms of addiction (alcohol, codependency), they’re both practicing acceptance and moving towards wholeness. Next week we interview the author Daniel Fulop-Furlano about his new book, “Sincerely, Delusional.” Rest in peace to the Queen of Country Music, Dolly Parton. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at [email protected] for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Emotional Sobriety(00:03:53) - Approval in Recovery: Living and Loving Differently(00:10:03) - Exploring the Role of Acceptance in Recovery(00:13:11) - A Client's Smelling Her Own Sobriety(00:15:21) - Dan Furlough on Dolly Parton's Death(00:20:01) - Alan on Love and Alcohol(00:22:02) - The Importance of Self-Love(00:27:37) - Living With Stuff That Was Lost in the Flood(00:33:04) - How to Clean Your Home After a Trauma(00:36:58) - Adam Levine on Growing Up With Alcohol(00:43:45) - Living and Loving

Thom’s Nutshell: Challenge your low self esteem and surprise yourself (I did). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which was developed in the 60’s by Aaron Beck, dovetails nicely with some of Bill W.’s ideas. Rooted in observing, not denying, but recognizing “I’m becoming defensive “, “I’m taking this personally,” etc. Thom, Patrick, and Joe C. talk cognition before reaction and living in the pause. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at [email protected] for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - The Next Step in Recovery: Challenge Your Low Self-Este(00:07:02) - The Problem With Talking To Clients(00:10:42) - Can You Read People's Minds?(00:16:12) - Physical and Emotional Sobriety(00:20:59) - On Relationships and Getting Out Of Them(00:21:59) - Don't Have to Be Understanded

Thom’s Nutshell: Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have no impact in this world of ours. You do. Whether from a pebble or a giant rock, we’re all leaving ripples in the pond. Allen, Thom, and Patrick discuss the illusion of separateness permeating our human bonds. Emotional sobriety can resolve the crises caused by looking towards other people to validate our existence when we don’t think we matter. Being responsible to others is accepting responsibility to ourselves. Thom and Allen discuss amends and earning our own respect. Rest in peace Glen Hansard. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at [email protected] for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety: Next Step in Recovery(00:01:36) - You Deserve to Matter(00:07:52) - The Importance of Reality(00:10:02) - Codependents: The Joy of Living(00:17:35) - "I Made My Amends To My Mom"(00:18:29) - Tom Brady on Responsibility

Thom’s Nutshell: The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. Seeking truth through withholding judgment. What makes it difficult to keep our mouths shut. The Odyssey, grades in school, “won’t” drink versus “can’t” drink. What is the suffering that breaks us open and makes us susceptible to change? Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at [email protected] for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Coming to Alcoholics: The Next Step in Recovery(00:01:03) - Can We Ever Come Home?(00:02:11) - Alcoholics on the Recovery Process(00:06:04) - Tom Rutledge: The Key to Life(00:08:55) - The Value of Listening(00:14:38) - Tom and Alan on Their Most Toxic Relationship(00:17:36) - Non-Judgmental Musings for 12 Step Life(00:23:43) - Know the Meaning of Your Life(00:24:53) - Should We Suspend Our Judgment of Trump?(00:30:29) - Open Minds on the Divorce(00:34:43) - Can I Be Active Azealously?