The Mythic Masculine

Just in time for the weekend, a conversation from the vault (actually recorded 2 years ago, but freshly published now).My guest today is Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School, which he co-teaches with his wife. He is the author of “Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships” and has trained over two hundred coaches across eleven countries.I’d been aware of Jayson for a few years, though what drew to me reach out was discovering a paper he wrote back in 2005 called The Deep Masculine, while researching my own program by the same name, and realized we had been walking parallel trails for a long time.His path took him through the college fraternity system, where hazing and sexual conquest offered a distorted version of the belonging every young man actually needs. He took on an advocacy role that led him through seventy-five college campuses in thirty-five states, until disillusionment called him into the wilderness. He took young men on seven-day backpacking trips to see what might happen if initiation was replaced by solitude and sweat instead of alcohol and shame.The trail finally bent toward relationship, after a breakup in a Whole Foods parking lot at age twenty-nine made him ask a terrifying question: maybe I’m the problem.In our conversation today, we explore his perspective on ‘the deep masculine’ and what it actually takes for a man to stop defending, start feeling, and learn the single most important relationship skill there is: repair.Jayson reminds us that most men don’t come to this work through inspiration. They come through pain. And the path back to connection runs through the body, the present moment, and the art of intimacy.LINKS: * Jayson Gaddis’ Relationship School* Getting to Zero - book Would love to hear your comments on this conversation. Post your thoughts below. Heads up, if you are a man seeking to explore the mythopoetic path, you are invited to join The Deep Masculine - my 3 month online quest to repattern your relationship to sex, soul and purpose. Developed with my colleague Deus Fortier, it draws from embodied somatics and the mythopoetic lineage. Robert Bly’s Iron John. The archetypal map of King, Warrior, Magician and a special emphasis on the Lover.We work with four pillars. Mythopoetic maps. Somatic skills. Ritual rhythm. And brotherhood. Ongoing connection with men around the world who are walking the same terrain.If you’re not quite ready for the deep dive, check out The Archetypal Compass. This mini-guide is designed to help you navigate the internal archetypes of the soul, providing a map for those ready to move beyond personal inquiry and toward a more conscious stewardship of their lives and the world.SHOW NOTES0:07 — Fraternity Culture: Ian asks Jayson to unpack what the system promised, delivered, and took from the young men inside it.0:09 — Broken Initiation: Jayson on hazing as a distorted rite of passage, where alcohol and peer pressure replace traditional thresholds into adulthood.0:12 — Sex and the Mask: The conquest culture inside fraternities, where bravado hides the private shame of sensitive, lost young men.0:16 — Wilderness Initiation: Jayson proposes seven-day backpacking trips for fraternity men, and the breakthroughs that came from solitude and physical exertion.0:18 — The Parking Lot Epiphany: At age twenty-nine, breaking up with a woman at Whole Foods, Jayson faces the possibility that he is the problem.0:27 — The Deathbed Offering: Ian shares the night his grandfather was dying, when he told his own father he was glad to be his son, and what melted in the aftermath.0:29 — Father Repair: Jayson describes doing similar work with his dad, accepting that the man did the best with the values he had.0:32 — Learning to Feel: Jayson recalls six months of therapy where the only words he could find were I don’t know, then numb, then anger, and eventually something more nuanced.0:36 — The Defensive Man: On the wound of not getting it right, the shame underneath, and how to approach it as a team rather than a battlefield.0:38 — It’s Not About That: Ian tells the story of watching another couple at a festival fall into the blame-defend loop, and whispering to a friend that the argument was not really about the surface conflict.0:39 — The Repair Template: Jayson offers a simple practice of owning what you did and imagining its impact on your partner, and why repair is the most important relationship skill.0:46 — Present, Body, Heart: Jayson revisits his three invitations from the 2005 paper and translates them into practical entry points for men who are scared to feel. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit themythicmasculine.substack.com/subscribe

Can you feel it? Already the summer heat is ebbing. Walking the trail near my house, I see the first leaves curling at the edges, turning toward brown and gold. I am not ready for the season to change, and yet I know it must.With the shift toward autumn comes the next invitation for the Deep Masculine, my three-month online quest.This invitation is for the men who have been listening. Absorbing. Contemplating. I know you are there...Perhaps you’ve listened to a few episodes or many. You have felt the spark when the conversation lands. You have recognized a calling towards this mythic terrain and a longing for who you might become.Then you close the laptop or finish the episode, and go back to the life that is not quite “wrong” enough to force you out of it.I know the feeling. I have been that man. I harvested wisdom to feel like I was changing…without risking anything.But the core patterns of stuckness remained.I think deep down, most men want the same thing: richer relationships, meaningful work, and a deeper sense of being alive.But here’s the truth: real change takes work. It takes commitment. And it takes the willingness to give up the part of you that keeps you stuck.It’s understandable to feel that it hasn’t been the right time yet.You’ve needed more money. More clarity. More space.That you will begin the work when the kids are older or the job is less stressful. This is the same lie that has kept good men in comfortable paralysis for their entire lives.You already know enough. Another conversation or instagram reel or well-written book will not free you.The question is whether you will let your ache turn into action.So here is the invitation:The Deep Masculine is my 3 month online quest to repattern your relationship to sex, soul and purpose. Developed with my colleague Deus Fortier, it draws from embodied somatics and the mythopoetic lineage. Robert Bly’s Iron John. The archetypal map of King, Warrior, Magician and a special emphasis on the Lover.We work with four pillars. Mythopoetic maps. Somatic skills. Ritual rhythm. And brotherhood. Ongoing connection with men around the world who are walking the same terrain.We track the Wild Man, with the hard distinction that Bly himself made. Wild is not savage. The wild man is deeply attuned to the natural order, moving with his own sense of rightness. This in stark contrast to the ‘savage man’ - one who is disconnected from that order. He is dangerous. The world has seen enough savagery dressed up as masculinity. We are after something far older and more disciplined than that.We also center the Lover, because most men’s work chases the King and the Warrior while neglecting the one archetype that keeps all the others humane. In the words of Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, the Lover keeps the other masculine energies loving and related. Without him, men default to numbness or anger. We are doing the work of resensitizing, of coming back into right relationship with the living world.And we go into the shadow, the parts of you that were punished into exile did not die. They just found distorted ways to express themselves. Integration is how you reclaim that vitality and wield it consciously rather than letting it leak out in addiction, manipulation, or self-sabotage.This is the end of our third year running the Deep Masculine, gathering men from all over the world, including Australia, the UK, and across North America.Ultimately, what we’ve found is the deepest wound is disconnection. The medicine is walking the path with other men.And so, the next Fellowship is gathering.We begin the week of September 21st.Book your intake call on the calendar before September 1st, and get a 30% early-bird discount on the investment. (The call itself can happen after the 1st. What matters is that you reserved your spot before the deadline). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit themythicmasculine.substack.com/subscribe

Fresh off the first Cascadia Men’s Conference, I’m pleased to share my first long-form podcast episode in some months. Right now, Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey is storming around the world, a $1.3 billion phenomenon that has returned one of humanity’s oldest stories to the center of our cultural conversation.My guest today is a man who has been steeping in this epic for years. Phil Cousineau is the author of newly published ‘The Wisdom of the Odyssey: Twenty-four Life Lessons from Homer’s Epic’ and more than forty other books, including the bestselling The Art of Pilgrimage and The Hero’s Journey: Joseph Campbell on His Life and Work. He is a writer, teacher, and storyteller who has consulted on myth and story for Warner Brothers, Pixar, and Lucasfilm, led mythology travel programs to Greece for more than three decades, and hosted the PBS television series Global Spirit.In our conversation, Phil invites us to look at why The Odyssey has risen once again. He suggests the epic poem is Western culture’s first articulated case of PTSD and the consequence of war and conquest. We speak of the women who guide Odysseus back to himself, the terror of crossing your own threshold after twenty years away, and what it means when love rather than fame becomes the gravity that pulls a man home.Phil reminds us that the Odyssey is everybody’s story, and the courage required to bend down and kiss the earth in gratitude for the chance to begin again.Here in full is the Rumi poem I reference (translated by Haleh Liza Gafori)LOVE, YOUR waters, your melodieswhirl me and whirl me.I'm the wheel in a mill.Whirl me forever.When my heart is troubled,when my heart has fled,keep me close.No branch, no leaf, no piece of straw drawn to amberwill move without a breeze.Unless desire stirs it, nothing in this world will dance.Every element, every particle of every elementis a whirling lover, drunk on union.The generous host lays out a feast.Animals graze the sweet grass.Didn't the ants tell secrets to Solomon?Didn't the mountains singwhen David sang his songs of praise?The sky is your lover.Lay your head on its peaceful chest.The sun is your lover. Drink its light.Love moves through every mountain and field.How else would green grow from earth's dark body?LINKS * Phil Cousineau - Official Website* The Wisdom of the Odyessy - BookHeads up, if you are a man seeking to explore the mythopoetic path, you are invited to check out The Archetypal Compass. This mini-guide is designed to help you navigate the internal archetypes of the soul, providing a map for those ready to move beyond personal inquiry and toward a more conscious stewardship of their lives and the world.Also, the next cohort of The Deep Masculine, my 3 month online journey for men begins Sept 20th. Join a mythic brotherhood aimed at re-patterning your relationship to sex, soul and purpose.SHOW NOTES00:04 — Quebec and Detroit Roots: Phil traces his ancestry to Jean Baptiste Cousineau, one of the nine founding families of Montreal, and his mythic upbringing in Detroit.00:06 — A Family of Readers: Growing up reading Homer, Grimm, and Canadian folk tales aloud together, and the inherited practice of read, pilgrimage, and the Long Conversation.00:10 — The Odyssey Sketched: A whirlwind through the enchantment at Olympus, the judgment of Paris, Helen, and the 1,156 ships sailing for Troy.00:16 — The First Documented PTSD: Why Odysseus is arguably history's first case of post-traumatic stress, and why a soldier cannot go straight home from war.00:22 — The Bard Scene: On the island of Phaeacia, when Odysseus hears his story sung, takes it back, and the healing begins.00:25 — Why Myths Rise Again: James Baldwin on reading as the antidote to unprecedented pain, and why myths that never happened are always happening.00:33 — The Masculine Arc: From the hunger for kleos (glory) to being pulled home by eros (love), and the grief of men who have achieved everything yet feel lost.00:39 — Polytropos: What it means that Odysseus is "many-turning" — the colossal, radical act of a man capable of changing his mind.00:42 — The Six Women: How Athena, Calypso, Circe, Nausicaa, Eurycleia, and Penelope guide Odysseus home, making the epic the world's first romance.00:46 — Achilles in the Underworld: The axis mundi where glory confronts the choice for one more day of sunshine over eternal fame.00:52 — Gratitude and Kissing the Earth: On Rumi, Coleman Barks, and Odysseus bending down to kiss the beach as literature's first grateful male hero.00:56 — The Beggar's Return: Odysseus comes home not in triumph but humbled, bent, and listening — a diminishment that is actually a deepening.01:06 — Nolan's Ending vs. the Greek Original: Why sailing away into the sunset is American Western mythology, not a Greek ending, and what the film sacrifices.01:10 — Talking Until Dawn: Penelope's fierce "My heart can take it" and the moment husband and wife talk and listen to each other until dawn.01:13 — The Wisdom of the Odyssey: Phil's new book, recommended translations by Lattimore and Emily Wilson, and upcoming mythology tours to Greece. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit themythicmasculine.substack.com/subscribe

A few years back, I hosted Dougie Mackay at my home on Vancouver Island for some pizza and a televised hockey game. I’d just caught his show in town and was struck by how he illuminated the wingspan of a story - the way it could carry an audience across centuries and landscapes with each sentence.Raised in the Scottish Highlands where storytelling is still in the water, Dougie has sold out shows at the Edinburgh Fringe and the Scottish International Storytelling Festival. He even holds a Guinness World Record as part of the longest continuous storytelling session (74 hours, set in the central square of Marrakesh, where storytelling is also heritage). He describes his own work as firing on the edge of the wild.In this episode of The Crow’s Nest, Dougie joins me to explore the medicine of story for these times - and for men in particular. We speak in support of the upcoming Cascadia Men’s Conference, happening August 6-9 in the Squamish Valley just north of Vancouver. The conference draws its DNA from the Minnesota Men’s Conference, now forty years strong, and we’re gathering elders and younger men alike to light a fire we hope will burn yearly.Dougie won’t be with us in person this August (he’ll be at the Edinburgh Fringe with his show A Wolf Shall Devour the Sun), but his spirit is woven into what we’re building. At the heart of our conversation, he tells the old Gaelic tale of Finn McCool and the Salmon of Wisdom - a story from the Fianna cycle about a boy raised by wild aunties in the forest, who must learn not just to hunt and fight, but to see truly.What emerges is a conversation about masculine leadership, the necessary relationship between youth and elders, and what it means to be mentored by both the feminine and the wild. "I think there's lots of people seeking belonging, and the salmon has something to say about that."Dougie offers a particular tonic: the idea that in our broken culture, many of us in midlife and beyond may find ourselves in the role of Finnegus - the old poet who sits by the pool for seven years, preparing the ground so that someone younger might receive the gift we never will.If you’re drawn to the work, you can find Dougie writing on Substack at Rekindling the Hearth. He’s also launching a nine-month storytelling mentorship cohort called The Storyteller’s Journey this September.The Cascadia Men’s Conference runs August 6-9. Details and tickets at cascadiamensconference.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit themythicmasculine.substack.com/subscribe

We’re just under 30 days out from my upcoming Cascadia Men’s Conference, a first-of-its-kind mythopoetic gathering happening August 6-9 in the Squamish Valley, north of Vancouver. In the lead up, I’ve been hosting live conversations with our presenters - previous episodes have included men’s author Matt Sturm, indigenous poet Cliff Taylor, and later this week Scottish storyteller Dougie Mackay.Yesterday I connected with Satyen Raja.Satyen is the founder of Warrior Sage, a master martial artist, and one of the keynote presenters at the conference. He’s been showing up in FB with what I can only describe as fiery transmissions - dispatches on men, presence, and the particular weight of this moment in history. “Without a deep purpose - a purpose of depth that comes from the soul - we flounder. We gravitate toward the superficial. We can enjoy it, but we can’t live there. It will never touch the deepest core of our being.”We talk about distraction as a slow theft of life force, about what brotherhood actually offers that no amount of solo self-improvement can replace, and about the three pillars Satyen will be bringing to the gathering: presence, claim, and penetration.Men, if you’re stirred by what you hear, consider this your summons. "We just need to do it for the freaking hell of it. That's it. Just that - for the joy of being with men together in a good way, not just in a competitive beat each other up way, but in a way that we bring the fullness of our human spirit."The conference is August 6-9. Details and tickets at cascadiamensconference.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit themythicmasculine.substack.com/subscribe