Building your family

If you’re using or considering donor conception and wondering, “Will I feel like the real parent?” or “Will I love this baby as much?” you are not alone. In this solo episode, I talk about genetic loss – what it is, what it isn’t, and why it’s different from lifelong “genetic grief.” I share findings from my own research and years of clinical work, and explain why the distress you feel about needing a donor (even during pregnancy) has no correlation with how much you will love your child. We’ll cover: – What “genetic loss” means in the context of donor eggs, sperm, or embryos – Why people experience genetic loss so differently – and why your way is valid – The difference between genetic loss and genetic grief (and why you don’t have to “finish grieving” before starting your family) – Why being upset about needing a donor does not predict whether you’ll bond with your child – What my research and real‑life stories show about love and attachment in donor‑conceived families – Practical tips for working with these feelings instead of judging yourself for them At the heart of it, most people just want to know: “Will I have a real bond with my child?” This episode is here to reassure you that a strong bond is possible, and to give you language and tools to support yourself along the way. ⚠️ Important: This episode is for education and reflection only. It is not medical, genetic, or legal advice. Always discuss your specific situation with your own care team or therapist.

Most people naturally focus on photos and eye color when choosing a donor. It’s the first thing you see and it feels concrete. But if that’s all you focus on, it’s easy to overlook some of the genetics and long‑term implications that may matter even more for your family. In Part 2 of my conversation with social scientist and philosopher Jonathan Anomaly, we talk about how to think about donor eggs, donor sperm, and genetics in a way that actually helps you choose a donor. Jonathan works with a company developing and researching embryo testing tools, so he sits at the intersection of ethics, economics, and genetics. In this episode, we cover: – Why it's especially important, when you're choosing a donor, to look beyond photos and understand their medical and family history. – What to pay attention to in a donor’s medical and family history (and what matters less than you might think) – How donor screening and embryo testing can work together – and where it’s overkill – Common decision traps: getting stuck on looks, “vibe,” or minor traits while ignoring long‑term implications – A high‑level framework for choosing a donor that looks beyond photos Our goal is not to tell you which donor to pick, but to give you a clearer framework so you feel less lost and more grounded in what really matters for your family. ⚠️ Important: This episode is for education and reflection only. It is not medical, genetic, or legal advice. Always discuss your specific situation with your own care team. 🎓 Donor Conception Masterclass – Walk Through the Full 5‑Step Process In this conversation I share parts of my 5‑step framework for choosing a donor. If you’re in the middle of donor selection (or know you’ll be there soon) and want to walk through all 5 steps with worksheets, examples, and support, that’s exactly what I do in my Donor Conception Masterclass. 👉 Learn more and join here: https://familybuilding.net/donor-conception-masterclass/ Learn more about Jonathan & Herasight Jonathan Anomaly: https://jonathan-anomaly.com/ Herasight: https://www.herasight.com/ About Lisa Lisa Schuman, LCSW, is the founder of the Building Your Family community, an expert‑led platform that provides evidence‑based education and support for people using fertility treatment, donor conception, and surrogacy – including LGBTQ+ families and single parents by choice. She is also the Director of The Center for Family Building, where she and her team provide counseling and screening for intended parents, gestational carriers, and donors. Join the Building Your Family Community:  https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/ Community Events: https://familybuilding.net/events-page/ The Center For Family Building: https://familybuilding.net/ Order Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception: https://read.macmillan.com/lp/buildin... Follow on Instagram: @thecenterforfamilybuilding The Building Your Family Podcast and content posted by Lisa Schuman is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. #DonorConception #EggDonation #SpermDonation #EmbryoDonation #IVF #EmbryoTesting #FertilityTreatment #GeneticTesting #InfertilitySupport #BuildingYourFamily

If you’re in IVF and being offered a menu of embryo tests – PGT‑A, PGT‑M, PGT‑P – it can feel overwhelming. What do they actually tell you? How much is genetics vs environment? And how do you think about ethics, money, and risk for your family? In this two‑part series, I’m joined by Jonathan Anomaly, a social scientist and philosopher who works with a company developing and researching embryo testing tools, including PGT‑P. In Part 1, we cover: – What PGT‑A, PGT‑M and PGT‑P are (in plain language) – What kinds of conditions these tests can screen for – and what they can’t – How to think about risk, family history, and the role of environment – The real‑world pros and cons: cost, access, equity, and ethics – Guardrails for deciding whether embryo testing makes sense for you You’ll leave with a clearer framework for talking to your doctor or genetics team, without being told what you “should” do. ⚠️ Important: This episode is for education and reflection only. It is not medical, genetic, or legal advice. Always discuss your specific situation with your own care team. 🎁 Free IVF “Zoom Out” Decision Guide If this episode left you feeling pulled in many directions about embryo testing, I created a short Zoom Out guide to help you: – Step back from the pressure of the moment – Get clear on your own priorities and values – Walk into appointments more prepared to ask questions and make decisions that fit you 👉 Get it free here: https://familybuilding.net/newsletter/ 📅 Upcoming free workshops If you’d like more free support on decisions, donor conception, or surrogacy, you can see all of my upcoming workshops here: 👉 https://familybuilding.net/events-page/ Learn more about Dr. Anomaly: https://jonathan-anomaly.com/ Learn more about Herasight: https://www.herasight.com/ About Lisa Lisa Schuman, LCSW, is the founder of the Building Your Family community, an expert‑led platform that provides evidence‑based education and support for people using fertility treatment, donor conception, and surrogacy – including LGBTQ+ families and single parents by choice. #IVF #EmbryoTesting #PGTA #PGTM #PGTP #FertilityTreatment #GeneticTesting #DonorConception #Surrogacy #InfertilitySupport #BuildingYourFamily

Journalist Pedro Andrade joins me to talk about his new documentary series Somewhat Familiar – a global journey through surrogacy, adoption, foster care and modern LGBTQ+ families, including his own path to fatherhood with his husband and their daughter via surrogacy. From “illegal” same‑sex parenthood in Italy to adoption in Korea and foster families in the U.S., we explore how love, law and culture shape who gets to be a family. In this episode, we talk about: Why Pedro created Somewhat Familiar and how it changed his view of becoming a parent What he learned from same‑sex parents whose families are not legally recognized The emotional reality of surrogacy, adoption, foster care and independent parenting How legal systems and social norms can make some families invisible or “illegal” What really matters most in building strong family relationships across cultures This conversation is for anyone building a family through IVF, donor conception, surrogacy, adoption, foster care or on their own – and wondering where they fit. 📺 Watch Somewhat Familiar with Pedro Andrade (Streaming details may vary by region.) 📩 Free support for your journey If you want a simple 10‑minute reset for the hardest days of treatment, DM me “ZOOM” on Instagram or leave a comment here, and I’ll send you my free Zoom Out Theory ebook + guided meditation. Follow Pedro Andrade on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pedroandradetv/

This special Best of 2025 Learn episode brings together the most powerful insights on IVF, donor conception, and surrogacy to help you feel more prepared, informed, and less alone in your 2026 fertility journey. Inside this episode, we revisit key moments from conversations with leading voices in reproductive medicine, psychology, and lived experience. Using my Zoom Theory (regulate vs learn), this is the Learn episode: Part 1 – New Insights • IVF: how to think about your cycle and when to pursue treatment • Donor conception: talking about donors, identity, and long‑term implications for you and your future child • Surrogacy: the experience of a surrogate Part 2 – What You Need To Remember • Core truths to hold onto when you feel discouraged or behind • Frameworks to use on your journey • How to keep learning without overwhelming yourself This episode is for anyone using IVF, donor conception, or surrogacy to build their family, and for professionals who support them. 🔍 Resources mentioned: • My free “Zoom Out” ebook on regulating first, then learning in manageable steps: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/2qiyompkg6cowwk18waj6/Year-End-e-book.pdf?rlkey=hrz9uan0c87pnobh3qm1w2scv&st=5bvv3zpx&dl=0 • Workshops on [DONOR CHOICE / PARENTING / SURROGACY] and ongoing support: https://familybuilding.net/ • Listen to the full podcast on audio platforms: https://familybuilding.net/podcast/ If this helped you, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone on this path. No one should have to navigate third‑party reproduction and fertility treatment alone. #IVFjourney #DonorConception #SurrogacyJourney

Struggling with PCOS and trying to understand your fertility options – and all the talk about PGT‑A, PGT‑M and PGT‑P? In this episode, fertility specialist Dr Steven Palter walks through how he approaches PCOS treatment and lifestyle, then explains the differences between PGT‑A, PGT‑M and PGT‑P in IVF embryo genetic testing. I frame this as a kind of “second opinion” conversation – not to replace your own doctor, but to give you another way of hearing the information so you can ask clearer questions at your own clinic. Learn more about Dr. Steven Palter: https://www.goldcoastivf.com/ Follow Dr. Steven Palter on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stevenpaltermd/

In this episode I share The Zoom Out Theory: a 30‑minute reset to calm your nervous system and regain perspective during IVF, donor conception, or surrogacy. You’ll learn why your brain spirals during treatment, how to “zoom out” in the hardest moments, and a simple way to come back to yourself when it all feels like too much. Free companion ebook + guided meditation: DM me “ZOOM” on Instagram and I’ll send it to you.

Many people using donor conception or surrogacy feel “different” and quietly wonder what family really means when genetics aren’t shared in the way they expected. In this episode, I talk about chosen family in the context of donor conception and surrogacy: how to see yourself not as “other,” but as part of a growing, very real type of family. We’ll explore: • How the concept of family has changed – and where you fit in • Why grief about not using your or your partner’s genetics is natural • How grief about genetics and your bond with your child often get conflated (and why they’re different) • How to think about who is in your “inner circle”  • How to decide what to share with close family and friends, and what to keep private • Why doing both the inner work (your own feelings) and the external work (how you talk to others) can help you feel more prepared for the future If you’re building your family with donor sperm, donor eggs, embryos, or surrogacy, you are not alone – and you are not less of a family. There are ways to navigate grief, boundaries, and conversations that honor you, your partner, and your child. 💬 Want more support? Inside my membership, I offer: • Weekly live workshops on choosing donors, talking to donor‑conceived kids, and navigating surrogacy relationships • A growing library of replays, including topics like this one • A community of people building families through reproductive medicine Learn more or join here: https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/ 🔔 New episodes every week on donor conception, surrogacy, and parenting in these families. Subscribe so you don’t miss them. #donorconception #donorconceived #surrogacy #chosenfamily #modernfamily #infertilitysupport #thirdpartyreproduction #intendedparents #lgbtqfamily #fertilityjourney

If you’ve been reassured that your donor will only create a “small number” of families, or even that they’re effectively “just for you,” this episode is important. In this conversation, I unpack: – What clinics and banks usually mean when they talk about “family limits” – Why those limits often don’t work the way intended in real life – How donor siblings can appear over time, even when you were told the donor wouldn’t donate again – Why spending a fortune trying to secure an “exclusive” donor is rarely the best way to protect your child – What is in your control: planning to tell your child about their donor conception so they understand there may be donor siblings now or in the future I also talk about openness: when having more access to a donor can be helpful for medical or emotional reasons, and why it’s still possible to raise a healthy, secure child with a non‑open donor. The goal is to replace scary myths with realistic expectations and practical steps you can take as a parent. If this brought up questions for you, there are two free workshops that can help:     Choosing a Donor: What Clinics & Websites Don’t Teach You – for people still in the donor decision or selection process     Talking To Your Donor‑Conceived Child: Where & How To Begin – for parents thinking about how to start these conversations You can see dates and register for both at https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1976369301784?aff=oddtdtcreator, or via the links in the show notes. #donorconception #donoreggs #donorsperm #donorsiblings #familylimits #thirdpartyreproduction #fertilitytreatment #fertilitysupport #fertilitypodcast

If you’re in IVF and quietly wondering, “How many more rounds can we do before we have to think about donor eggs?” this conversation with Dr. Moomjy is for you. In this episode, we talk about: – Why IVF fails for some people even when everything looks “normal” – How many tries – at different ages – actually make sense before you seriously consider donor eggs – When donor eggs are one option vs when they’re realistically the only path to a baby This is not vague reassurance. We walk through what the research and real‑world data actually say, so you can have a more informed discussion with your own doctor and feel more grounded in whatever you decide next. If you’re considering donor conception and want structured, research‑based guidance, you can learn more in our community. https://familybuilding.net/services/donor-conception-explained/ Learn more about Dr. Maureen Moomjy: https://www.drmoomjy.com/   #ivf #ivfjourney #donoreggs #donorconception #fertilitytreatment #fertilitysupport #ttccommunity #fertilitypodcast #reproductivemedicine

Luteal phase defect is one of the most hotly debated topics in fertility right now. Do you actually have it? And do you really need progesterone support… or not? In this episode, I sit down with reproductive endocrinologist and researcher Dr. Parry to unpack what the science actually says about luteal phase defects, progesterone supplementation, and fertility treatment. We cover: what a luteal phase defect is (and what it isn’t), when a short luteal phase or low progesterone is worth taking seriously, and when adding more progesterone doesn’t change outcomes. We also talk through the differences between progesterone support in natural cycles, IUI, IVF, and early pregnancy. If you’ve been told you might have a luteal phase defect, are wondering whether to push for progesterone, or just want a clear, calm breakdown of the research… this episode is for you. Next steps & support: If you’re using reproductive medicine, donor conception, or surrogacy to build your family and want expert‑led education and emotional support, you can learn more about my platform here: https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/ Subscribe for more evidence‑based conversations on fertility, donor conception, and surrogacy. This episode is for information and education only and is not individual medical advice. Always discuss your own situation and treatment options with your doctor or fertility specialist. #lutealphasedefect #progesterone #fertility #ttccommunity #ivfjourney #iui #recurrentmiscarriage #infertility #fertilitysupport #reproductivemedicine

Intimacy and sperm health made clear—Dr. Rena Malik, MD explains sex and intimacy while you're trying to conceive, evidence‑based lifestyle factors, timing, when to seek urology care, and how to think about next steps across IVF, IUI, and at‑home TTC.  Confusion around intimacy and “sperm quality” stalls a lot of TTC journeys. In this episode, Dr. Rena Malik, MD (urology and sexual health) breaks down: What “sperm health” actually means and how poor sperm quality can be an indication of poor health Evidence‑based habits and treatment paths (when to consider a urology consult) How intimacy challenges show up while TTC—and practical ways to handle them A stepwise way to reignite your desire and performance while TTC Free Fertility Intimacy Toolkit (PDF). Tap the link, enter email, download instantly. Disclaimer: Educational only, not medical advice. Confirm with your clinician. Learn more about Dr. Rena Malik: https://www.renamalikmd.com/ Follow Dr. Rena Malik on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RenaMalikMD #TTC #SpermHealth #RenaMalik #SexualHealth #FertilityEducation #IVF #IUI #MaleFertility #Intimacy #ReproductiveMedicine

In this episode, we make legalese usable. You’ll get the operating rules to protect your surrogacy/donor journey when things get messy, so decisions are fast, fair, and aligned. What you’ll learn fast: Alignment vs Agreement: principles first, everything else second, so contracts don’t crumble under stress. The Two Buckets: value essentials vs detail clauses, and why mixing them derails deals. Contract Decoder: translate dense terms into “if X, then we do Y” rules your team can follow. Scripts for agencies/clinics: “We’re aligned on X and Y; here’s how we’ll handle Z.” Red flags + escalation: exactly when to pause matching and how to restart clean. #Surrogacy #DonorConception #Fertility #IntendedParents #LGBTQFamily #SingleParentByChoice #IVF #SurrogacyContract #WomenHealthcare

There’s a lot of strong advice about nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle. This episode shows how to make it work for your season of life—without “doing it all.” Dietitian and intuitive eating specialist Sam Previte explains gentle nutrition for TTC and pregnancy, so you can make steady improvements with less all‑or‑nothing pressure. You’ll learn: Intuitive eating: what it is (and isn’t) for TTC/pregnancy Gentle nutrition basics—how to prioritize without overwhelm When to modify  PCOS/IVF context, and how to spot under‑fuel/over‑do signals (sleep/eating/hydration) First steps this week and how to talk with your care team Learn more about Sam Previte: https://find-foodfreedom.com/ Follow Sam Previte on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/find.food.freedom #Fertility #IntuitiveEating #FertilityDiet #IVF #PCOS #WomensHealth #TryingToConceive #NutritionMyths

The most‑asked question: “If I don’t use my genetics, will the baby be mine?” Lauren Tassi (Your IVF BFF) shares her three‑year journey—how she moved from repeated IVF to choosing donor embryos—and what finally made the decision feel 100% hers.     Practical insights on identity, language, epigenetics (carrying/parenting), hidden costs/expectations, and what to consider if you’re weighing donor embryos vs more IVF or donor eggs.   You’ll hear:     - The turning point from IVF/donor eggs to donor embryos     - “Is it still my baby?”—belonging, language, and epigenetics     - Surprises: money, timelines, emotions, and partner dynamics     - Scripts that helped (family/friends and self‑talk)     - Advice if you’re considering donor embryos now Follow Lauren on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopefullykidding/ Follow Lauren on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hopefullykidding #DonorEmbryos #DonorConception #Fertility #IVF #TTC #PatientStory #YourIVFBFF #WomensHealth #ThirdPartyReproduction

Cut through fertility misinformation. Dr. Lowell Ku (REI; leads ASRM’s technology professional group) separates myths from facts so you know what to trust online, from influencers, and in clinic—plus how to think about supplements and opinion vs evidence.   We cover TTC with IUI/IVF and decisions using donor conception or surrogacy—what matters most and where to find reliable guidance.   - What to trust online: source hierarchy (guidelines/studies - summaries - opinions)     - Red flags vs green flags (absolute claims, miracle fixes, cherry‑picked “proof”)     - Supplements: evidence vs hype; how to sanity‑check a claim     - Influencers vs doctors: personal stories vs clinical guidance (how to weigh both)     - Questions to ask your clinic about protocols, testing, and add‑ons     - Where to get reliable info for IVF/IUI, donor conception, and surrogacy Learn more about Dr. Lowell Ku: https://dallasivf.com/ Follow Dr. Lowell Ku on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drknockedup/  #Fertility #IVF #IUI #FertilityMyths #EvidenceBased #ASRM #WomensHealth #TryingToConceive #DonorConception #Surrogacy

You don’t need to stop exercising before or during fertility treatment—pause near the end of the cycle and right after retrieval. Here’s how to train smart, read your body, and know when it’s too much (or not enough)—plus high‑level pregnancy guidance.     Dr. Sheeva Talebian (REI and competitive athlete) breaks down what’s safe, when to modify, and the signs you need more fuel, sleep, or hydration. - You’ll learn     - What’s safe around IUI/IVF (and why you pause near trigger/retrieval)     - New understanding: don’t stop entirely—train smart, then resume     - Body signals: sleep, eating, hydration—signs of over/under‑doing it     - Two‑week wait mindset + movement     - Pregnancy: high‑level modifications and red flags Learn more about Dr. Sheeva Talebian: https://www.ccrmivf.com/ Follow Dr. Sheeva Talebian on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stalebian/

Get evidence‑based answers on endometriosis—what it is (and isn’t), how it’s diagnosed, and what actually helps, so you know where to start today. Dr. Jessica Ryniec explains symptoms, diagnosis (what to expect from imaging vs surgical confirmation), treatment options (medical vs surgical), pain management, and fertility considerations—practical steps you can use now. You’ll learn: What endometriosis is (and common misconceptions) How doctors think about diagnosis and when to escalate care Treatment paths that actually help (meds, surgery, lifestyle) Fertility implications and decision points First steps this week and questions to ask your clinic Want live workshops and expert Q&A? Join the community: https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/ Learn more about Dr. Ryniec: https://www.ccrmivf.com/boston/jessica-ryniec-md/ Follow Dr. Ryniec on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessicaryniecmd/ #Endometriosis

What genetic tests actually do—and what they don’t—so you know when to use them (and when not to). Practical next steps. Chapters below. For step-by-step guides + live Q&A, join the community: https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/ You’ll learn: Screening vs diagnostic: what each actually tells you Carrier testing, NIPT, and embryo testing (PGT‑A/M): when it helps vs overkill Limits: false positives/negatives, VUS, and context (why “a result” ≠ a decision) Donor gametes: brief considerations for donor sperm/egg Questions to ask your clinic + first steps this week 📚 Learn more about Dr. Thakur: https://www.genomeally.com/ #GeneticTesting #CarrierTesting #NIPT #PGT #Preconception #FamilyPlanning #WomensHealth #Fertility #TryingToConceive

If you could reduce medical risks for your future child, would you? A reproductive medicine doctor + geneticist explains what actually helps before pregnancy—so you know where to start today. You’ll learn: what genetic screening covers (and doesn’t), how to think about carrier testing and embryo testing, practical preconception steps to lower risk, and how to talk with your care team. Want live workshops and Q&A? Join the community: https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/ Guest: Dr. Mili Thakur, MD/Geneticist • Host: Lisa Schuman, LCSW 📚 Learn more about Dr. Thakur: https://www.genomeally.com/ 0:00 What you’ll learn 1:12 Who is Dr. Mili Thakur 3:15 Understanding the basics of genetics 8:43 Screening vs diagnostic (what each does) 11:52 How to approach genetic testing in a family building journey 15:23 How to assess genetic risk in family building 19:50 Carrier testing (how to use results) 25:45 Questions to ask your clinic + first steps #GeneticTesting #CarrierTesting #NIPT #PGT #Preconception #FamilyPlanning #WomensHealth #Fertility