Angry At The Right Things

Bronwyn shares with Katie the profound conversation she had with her mother about parental rejection, exploring the paradox of how children desperately need their parents but don’t know it – as parents are also the source of their pain. Bronwyn offers insights on being a secure base for our children.

A deep conversation between a therapist and psychiatrist about sexual trauma, emotional neglect, shame, and the healing process. They discuss the complexity of sexual abuse, the trauma behind the trauma, and how to break cycles of shame. Dr. Giroux is co-host of The Dandelion Reflections podcast, and creator of Dr. G’s Dandelion Monologues: https://www.youtube.com/@CarolineGiroux-i7n Bronwyn announces her two new CE trainings for mental health professionals on anger and integration, found at https://www.integrateanger.com/trainings,  available for $25 each.  

A personal shame story that nearly killed me, but instead birthed wisdom. To be fully alive, we must guard against and remove every trace of death. We have to recognize shame for what it is, and how it stealthily spreads from one person to another, like contagion. We learn to fight the shame but not its host, simply by having our eyes open, and rejecting it when it’s thrown our way. Instead, we learn to be a mirror, held up to kindly but firmly bring accountability and shine light into darkness.

Denial is powerful and is fueling worldwide chaos through tyranny. Yet there is a truth provocative enough to break it, causing MAGA followers to be confronted with their own childhood pain. It is a truth that will soon be revealed, and it will break the spell.

The principle fostering a healthy birth is the same that underlies healthy child development: parents must embrace their limits and very death in order for the child to have life and to flourish. In other words, the death of the parent begets the life of the child. The question isn’t if we have a devouring parent, because all humans have a natural bent to devour. The question is how we respond to our parents. Many people want to forgive their parents, which is a good inclination. But what does real forgiveness entail? What it doesn’t entail is enabling the parent to continue devouring. Our healthy differentiation from our parents leads to our life, and quite possibly their reincarnation, in this lifetime.

Listen in on another vulnerable conversation between Bronwyn & Kyira, both therapists, as they share their own challenges and insights on engaging with their parents. This conversation broaches the conflict many feel, as we see how our unhealed wounds of childhood affect us today. Which begs the question: how do we have a relationship with that parent? What do we do with all our resentment – so it doesn’t spill out on our own children? How do we have empathy for our parent, while still having boundaries for ourselves? How do we give grace while also holding accountability? When do we decide to cut off a parent?  Bronwyn leads Kyira in an Integration exercise with her young self in order to accept her mom as she is – not as Kyira wants her to be. Bronwyn also leads Kyira in a Grief exercise to say goodbye to the mom she had in her early childhood, which helps Kyira accept the mom she interacts with now.  Kyira Wackett is a Licensed Professional Counselor and host of the Untethering Shame podcast. Kyira is the founder of Adversity Rising.

Shame is a key component in trauma. It is not a feeling, but a deep-rooted and false belief system that divides us from our very self. Shame prohibits us from trusting ourselves and giving ourselves the approval and love we need. Shame is weaponized by abusive people, creating a cycle of dependency upon them. Ultimately, shame is the common enemy of all humanity, but we can beat it. Bronwyn walks us through a powerful Integration exercise to uproot shame.

OCD develops when we dissociate from our anger and it takes on a life of its own, becoming something that feels scary and out of control. When we finally allow ourselves to connect to the anger and understand it, it’s no longer dangerous or guilt-producing. When we are responsible for our anger, we master it, instead of it mastering us... and making us sick.

We live in a culture, including within the mental health community, that is pain-avoidant. Pain isn’t enjoyable, but it serves a vital purpose, both physically and mentally. It’s there to give us wisdom and illuminate truth. As much as we humans are inclined to avoid pain, it’s where the treasure lies. All wisdom and truth, like buried treasure, is found in the heart of the abyss. The depths are dark and frightening, but those who make the journey resurface with gold. It’s the Hero’s Journey, and the treasure we find is ourselves.

Listen in on an incredibly vulnerable conversation between Bronwyn & Kyira, both therapists, as they share their lived experiences and insights of emotional suppression. Specifically, how suppression of past emotions affects the present, causing unnecessary pain.  Bronwyn leads Kyira in a spontaneous and powerful integration exercise, which brings closure and completion.  Kyira Wackett is a Licensed Professional Counselor and host of the Untethering Shame podcast. This episode is originally from Untethering Shame. 

No one rescues anyone else, but a true healer helps us rescue ourselves. Any philosophy that teaches otherwise, just isn’t true. Each one of us is more powerful than we know.

Complicated grief stems from never having fully procured the approval of our attachment figures, which creates shame and compulsive behavior. Yet we can give ourselves closure and peace, putting parental ghosts to rest. Bronwyn leads us in an Integration exercise to do just that.

It's imperative to know the difference between a healthy heart and an underdeveloped one. A heart needs to be adequately defended, but not excessively. A healthy human has empathy for both self and other, and learns to surrender false hope for people who refuse to embrace their humanity.

Humans are deep caverns, that should never be taken at face value, but understood, through deep listening. A good therapist is like a home-birth midwife, who knows that healing, like birth, is the natural human trajectory, given the right conditions.

Forget about attachment style -- what truly assesses our emotional maturity is our ability to self-nurture. All we need is a commitment to ourselves that we are worth the work, because we ARE. And the work isn’t laborious or draining, but rejuvenating and delightful. Nurturing ourselves is, well… nurturing.

Triggers are when we find ourselves re-experiencing an unconscious memory from the past, haunting us in the present. Yet we can unlearn our triggers by understanding the context, and integrating with our younger selves. Integration leads to a wholeness far more beautiful than if we'd never been broken, just like Kintsugi pottery. 

Delusions are far more common than we would believe, as many people believe themselves to be a perpetual innocent victim. When we live with such a person, we are likely to develop hallucinations as a response. Bronwyn leads us in an Integration Exercise to rescue ourselves for once and for all.

A lack of attunement from a loved one is not neutral. It is hatred. When someone we love fails to empathize with us, our body suffers. Let’s learn to recognize hate and live a hate-free life, filling the void with love.

We create the atmosphere around us, whether we realize it or not. Bronwyn gives two practical examples of integration which heal the rift within us, allowing us to see ourselves as we truly are. Observation changes reality, as unraveling lies creates order and beauty.

Anxiety and depression are dissociative states, caused by shame, that prohibit us from having empathy for others. Being dissociative also robs us, making us half-dead, unable to blossom into our true selves.