Finding Good

'I Can’t Explain It.' Our conversation starts with Lou recounting an extraordinary moment she shared with her husband towards the end of his life. But she also shares how they met and then found their way  to their love- in one of the most surprising love stories I've heard.

I didn't mean to start a podcast, but I'm so grateful to be here. Here's how one idea led to the '10 Conversations Project' where I spoke with 11 neighbors I didn't know- and how that has turned into Finding Good.

'A Day in My Life.' Brooke shares what it's really like to work as an ER nurse.

'That’s How I Knew.' Mike shares how he felt and followed his call to ministry and what his career as a minister was like.

'I Didn’t Think It Would Happen to Me (Perspective 1).' Ray almost died, twice, and shares what happened and how he makes the most of life on the other side of surviving. 

'I Didn’t Think It Would Happen to Me (Perspective 2)' Annette shares what it was like to nearly experience her husband's death, twice, and how she finds laughter and seeks balance in caregiving.

'It’s So Much Fun!' Stephen shares what it's like, and what it takes, to compete in BBQ competitions.

'It Started There.' One conversation over lunch led Kelly to career at the ATF (Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives). She shares what it was like to train and work at ATF.

'It Was A Hard Day.' Mary-Catherine lost her brother to HIV/AIDS in the '80s. She recounts how the experience impacted her and her family and how she has learned to find grace in the face of loss and grief.

'An Unexpected Surprise.' Decades after serving together in the Vietnam War, a Vietnamese translator reached out to reconnect to Kenneth. Kenneth shares that story and his own of his career and how he always prioritizes service and family. 

'It Was A Great Day!' Pre-instagram, pre-social media, and among the first of their friend group to get married, Michelle and Phil had a beautiful and touching wedding day that was very much their own. Michelle shares what it was like to plan it and live through it- and why it was so much fun. 

'I’m Going For It!' Amanda spent decades working in corporate life- climbing very high and all without a college degree. But she hit a breaking moment and had to leave. In her 50's, she's now starting a business on her own driven by her passion to help other's succeed. She shares what it's like to start over, what skills she honed that she relies on - and why it matters to have courage but still laugh through the fear. 

For this series, I set to find out: what are the Twelve Steps of Recovery and what is it actually like to work them? Listen here for a quick intro to AA and Al-Anon, the steps as a whole, and to hear the 12 Steps and 12 Promises of AA before jumping into the following episodes. Hope you enjoy!   (For reference: The 12 Steps and Promises are copyrighted by AA. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (1989). Twelve steps and twelve traditions. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services. https://www.aa.org/the-twelve-steps)  

For years, Matt knew he was powerless over his drinking, no question. The key to Step 1 and the start of his recovery was his life becoming truly 'unmanageable.' Matt’s shares what made him finally choose rehab and how dedicating himself to working the Twelve Steps changed him from wanting to give up on life to wanting to make the most of it.   'I feel like I was given a lot of potential to really help other people, to do some great things, live a happy life and share that with other people. And I can do that today instead of worrying about how to not drink today.’   Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.

Sam wasn’t sure he believed in god or a 'Higher Power' and thought he might have to give up on Al-Anon because of that. Sam shares how his sponsor gave him a new perspective that allowed him to explore not knowing but still trusting in something greater than himself, even if it was the group of people in a meeting. His trust became an important part of his recovery- and still is. ‘Having that concept of a High Power takes the pressure off…And that’s such a relief. Because I’ve been doing my best all these years but it hasn’t always been working out great. So maybe I can just relax a little bit, keep trying to do my best, but it’s just not all on me anymore, somehow.’   Step 2: Came to believe that a Power great than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Victoria grew up with religion and was comfortable believing in a Higher Power. In her drinking, which increased in the middle of her life, she ended up doing things she never thought she would which she tried to ‘hide’ from god and her family. She ended up in the ICU and then rehab. She knew she had to change or she would lose her relationships with her kids- let alone her life. On one particularly hard night, she, in her words, surrendered and prayed for guidance. She shares how she arrived at that moment and how it change her in a powerful way. ‘I looked up for the first time in so long. I looked up and I saw the stars. And the stars and the moon were brighter than I ever could remember before. But what I realized was that I had held my head down for such a long period of time full of guilt and shame. And when I finally gave in and asked [my Higher Power] for forgiveness and to guide me- the stars and moon had always been there it’s just that I didn’t see them any more…. My life was forever changed after that night… It was like I became alive again. I had the gift to live again.’ Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Like a lot of people in 12-Step programs, Eleanor was terrified (her word) to approach Step 4 which involves making a ‘moral inventory’ of oneself. Eleanor sponsor's experience helped her change her perspective from looking at Step 4 as a painful process that would prove she was a horrible person to looking at the it as a way to better understand herself and the coping skills she developed in past that no longer serve her. She shares how she approached her 4th step and what helped her keep the process balance, useful and manageable. ‘That really gave me the grace and comfort to start the process- which was a lot less daunting of a process than I thought it would be.’ Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Many people might shy away from admitting their hardest, most painful choices at all- let alone out loud to another person. Kimberly, however, was ready and willing to share her 5th Step with her sponsor. She shares how the previous steps prepared her for Step 5 and the clarity and freedom that this step gave her. She may even have enjoyed it. ‘I was finally seeing the real picture….It was a little shocking but it was really freeing. It was like, ok now I finally know what my problem is. Yeah I drink a lot- that is a problem- but this is kind of why. This is me at my core. This is me left untreated… [And] now I know. Now someone else knows who knows how to hold me accountable.  And now I can really look at this and see what caused all the damage… It was me. And thank god it’s me because I can do something about me. Now I can really be put on a path of understanding. Now I know what I need to do.’ Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 6 seems like a quiet step but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a deeply powerful one. Tom shares why Step 6 and Step 7, 'the fulcrum of the steps' as he sees them, are so important to him and his ongoing recovery that he continues to revisit and practice them. ‘It’s really about asking your Higher Power, for you to foresee a future life without [your defects] where you could be a much great version of yourself. That’s a lot about the willingness. It’s just, ‘ok, I’ve been following my advice my whole life, I’m open to a new set of directions... So I invite [my Higher Power] into the conversation. But it’s also about faith in action.’’ Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

With over 10 years in Alanon, Brian found himself struggling. Every day was a challenge. He asked a long-time member to be his sponsor and work with him through the steps again. In that process, he found a new kind of acceptance. He shares his journey and how his practice of acceptance helped him approach Step 7 in which, as he describes it, his Higher Power did not remove the defects he wanted removed but how the process brought change within him anyway. “Humbly is that key word. Humbly means I have a right-sized understanding of who I am and who I’m not…I recognize I’m a human being like everyone else… I’m lovable as I am… And to me, asking [my Higher Power] humbly, I’ve got to understand who I am and who I am in relation to [my Higher Power]… [So] Humbly asking [my Higher Power] to remove my shortcomings has much more to do with my thinking than it has to do with my list of assets and defects.’ Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings