Delusions Of Grandeur

Hey, all! We'll be back from an unanticipated break with the last two episodes of Shadows soon. But we wanted to let you know that our patrons have selected our next book: we'll be diving into Michael A. Stackpole's Rogue Squadron, the first X-Wing novel (as soon as we wrap things up with Xizor and co., that is). If you want to read along, you'll have a few few weeks to track down a copy from your bookseller or library of choice.As always, if you'd like a voice in future book selections, head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPodFor $7/month, you'll get new episodes early, have a vote on future books, and have access to our ongoing group chats for each book.

We know some of our listeners are reading along with your kids, so a content warning: these chapters includes discussion of an extended sexual assault scene that’s probably not appropriate for younger listeners (and maybe not a choice for all adults, either).Before we dive in, Kelly reports back from the 25th anniversary screening of The Phantom Menace (spoiler alert: it’s still not great, but we forgot all about Darth Maul’s sick Lime scooter and the guy that yells about sports).
Leia finally comes face-to-face with Xizor and initially likes what she sees before realizing something is very, very wrong. Luke and Lando take an extended road trip in the Falcon. Artoo and Threepio finally get a chance to catch up. Chewie and his terrible haircut escape Black Sun. And Vader feels sure he can avoid the pitfalls of the Dark Side (he’s just built different, duh). 

Did something finally happen in these chapters or do Kelly and Emily just have space Stockholm syndrome?? The action is finally picking up: Xizor contemplates creating some deepfake nudes of Leia and then trims his bonsai (not a metaphor). Vader gets real mad his boss sent him to pick up his son from jail. Threepio commits a felony with a cheerful wink. Guri shows off her pottery skills. Leia hits the strip mall on Coruscant before her business meeting with Xizor. Some (perhaps many) more Bothans die to bring us this information. And just as on Myrkr, Luke truly thrives in captivity.Also - if you went to watch the prequels on the big screen, tell us all about it!

Vader and Xizor ratchet up their game of mutual spying and lying. Leia waits around a casino until Guri’s busy schedule of murdering unruly Black Sun associates clears up. Luke and Dash intercept a message from a Bothan spy who may or may not be just a human guy (?)  and end up hijacking a load of literal bullshit. And we are left asking what a Twi’lek dye job might entail.

Some things happen in these chapters! Vader stares down a midlife crisis, wondering why being an all-powerful middle manager is not sparking more joy.  Xizor and Vader engage in a battle of wits both IRL and over Zoom.  Our hosts wonder if schemes are indeed like plants. We find out the basis of the Emperor and Xizor’s friendship (competing over weird rich guy shit and murdering skilled tradespeople). Lando uses the power of spreadsheets and charisma to advance the plot and win a ton of credits. Luke is exiled on Tatooine and manages to build a lightsaber that doesn’t explode with all his free time. And Dash Rendar may be able to fly, but he can’t outrun his own cringe.And as always, we want to hear from you! Drop us a line over at the Han Mail, or come find us in the "book of the month club" chat over at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

We start off with some very important Han Mail as we defend the honor of a woman who definitely did NOT write us a nuanced and thorough review on Audible. And after a digression into the net worth of two of literature's greatest manic pixie dream bosses (Talon Karrde and Mr. Darcy), we dive into Shadows again. We get some insight into our villains as they both take some time for self care: Vader spends the day in the med spa getting incandescently angry at Obi-Wan and his own lungs, and Xizor grabs a spontaneous dinner after his sex/murder droid dumps his mistress. Meanwhile, the gang heads off to try and steal Han back from Boba Fett before he can get to Tatooine. Wedge Antilles does all the work and pays his taxes on time while Han Solo stand-in Dash Rendar does all of the quips. A Mara Jade knock-off tries and fails to kill Luke. And we are left asking for justice for Lando, who is *clearly* the best home cook in the EU.

We are finally diving into Shadows of the Empire, by which we mean Lucasfilm's Death Star sized 90's marketing machine. For this is no mere book: it is a weird conglomerate of a novel, several comic books, a video game, collectable figurines, an original soundtrack (!) and probably something else we missed. Before we dive into the book itself, Kelly reports back on the first level of the N64 game. We also learn a little about the process of writing it, and the unbelievably specific inspiration for Shadow's sexy villain, Prince Xizor. Ok, now for the actual book! We flash between flashbacks of Empire Strikes Back, incredibly bitchy Imperial brunches, Leia hanging out in a dive bar, and Luke's post breakdown residency in Sedona (complete with circus training and jewelry making). Plus, we confront the eternal questions of the EU: how many people know Vader and Luke are related, and when will the rebellion finally court martial a man who has spent most of his time in army stealing equipment and going on vacation?Most of our fun facts on the processes of making Shadows came from Stephen Harber's article How Shadows of the Empire Became A Gritty 90s Epic. It's full of great tidbits and also SPOILERS for a thirty year old book most of us have already read.And we have a whole new book chat for Shadows over at our Patreon, stop on by: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Ok, here is the actual show for this week! Apooglies from your very tired delulu crew. It's time for some Han Mail! Plus, a sneak peak of our Patreon bonus episode, A Forest Apart. Listen to chapter one here, or head to our Patreon for the thrilling conclusion: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod.Join us on an adventure where we actually get to know what the f*ck Chewbacca is talking about for once! His partner and video game obsessed kid join him on Coruscant for a little family time, but they've barely gotten settled before some vitamin deficient mole people break into the Solos' apartment. The whole family heads to Coruscant's underworld to stop these undernourished Imperial saboteurs from wreaking havoc at the fancy diplomatic reception where Han will be unveiling a new hat.We'll be back next week with a whole new book...er, multimedia experience: Shadows of the Empire.

It's the last set of chapters for Tatooine Ghost! Han Solo finally has a topic for his art history project and it's: "Why My Wife and Her Entire Culture Is Wrong and I Am Right: A Han Solo Thesis." In probably their most relatable moment to date, stormtroopers complain about nepotism (whew brother, wait 'til they learn the truth about the Skywalkers!). Leia Organa Solo has two minutes of talk therapy with her father's childhood best friend and it's just what she needs to decide she wants to get pregnant (that seems.....fine). And most importantly: Chewie is still really good at flying. Don't ever forget it.You can head to our Patreon for Chewie (and his nerdy, disobedient teenage son) next week when we cover the BONUS story in this book: A Forest Apart! https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Our intrepid heroes finally catch up to the Jawas' sandcrawler only to discover a massive droids' rights violation (and a lot of dead Jawas), but no Kitster. Leia has to pause her grandma's diary to rescue Han from certain death (with a key assist from the Squibs). We find out what stormtrooper armor is actually good for (that sweet built in AC). Han is forced to confess he's still got feelings for Killik Twilight. Leia is forced to confess she's got those old Skywalker Force-feelings (ugh).  And by the law of Skywalkers/plot devices, she's got a feeling they should head out to old Ben Kenobi's place. Plus, a very special announcement. We may be getting towards the end of this book, but we won't be leaving Tatooine anytime soon: the patrons have spoken with one voice, and our next book will be Shadows of the Empire!Want a say in future books? Head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

INT. TATOOINE'S FINEST HOTEL AND DAY SPA — MID-MORNING Leia discovers the Tatooine Dream of a Hutt-style jacuzzi. Han unceremoniously rips an IV from his arm for some very dehydrated but only strongly implied sexy times. Shmi's diary entries continue to reveal her inner life, despite how much podracing recaps try to interrupt. Stormtroopers — led by a suspiciously competent officer — track our heroes to the spa and wreak havoc. The gang escapes with the help of the Squibs, a case of Dasani, and Chewie's special Wookie decapitation move...but not before we get one of the most controversial cameos in the galaxy — one that leaves our hosts somewhat divided (gasp)! You can find more exclusive, hot off the presses commentary about this 20 year old book on our Patreon, plus a great read along book club with fellow listeners AND the priceless opportunity to choose future books: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Now that Han Solo is alone with this swoop, things are gonna get more explicit between him and this glorified motorcycle than they ever have with him and Leia. Unfortunately, he does crash and spends the rest of these chapters trying to wring three drops of water out of Tatooine's atmosphere. Leia, Chewie, 3PO, and the Squibs mount a rescue campaign with the help of Biggs Darklighter's family who have taken over the Lars family murder-- sorry, moisture farm. And Biggs's mom [correction: aunt!] hands Leia a key to unlocking a new dungeon in the land of Skywalker Spirals. To correct us on the intricacies of the Darklighter family tree in real time, head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Our heroes engage in *some* light espionage and *much* dramatic removal of hoods as they chase Killik Twilight and Kitster Banai across Mos Espa. Kitster isn’t home, but they do find the love of C-3P0’s life (Par Ontham’s Guide to Etiquette). And they meet not one, but two of Kitster’s wives, leading to a very tense happy hour. Chewbacca struggles to maintain his new hairstyle as Squibs crawl all over him and low-flying TIE fighters give everyone a static charge. Leia struggles with learning her genocidaire father was once a small and vulnerable enslaved child. Han Solo gets the zoomies.If you need more Tatooine Dreams (or Ghosts), head on over to our Patreon for more episodes, a read-along book club, and the chance to vote for our next book: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Last night, I dreamt I went to Tatooine again.That's right, we’re diving into the New York Times bestseller Tatooine Ghost! So far, this book has it all: a pit stop at the galaxy’s premiere make-out point, a heavily implied Thrawn cameo, an absolutely insane New Republic prosthetics budget, enough contradictory Darth Vader knowledge to give Emily a small aneurysm, and a win-or-die art auction that’s trending towards die.This is also the first episode on our new Patreon. For seven whole American dollars a month, you'll be able to access episodes two weeks early - there's three full episodes up there now if you just can't wait for more Tatooine-based schenanagans. Plus, we've got a Tatooine Ghost (orTatooine Dreams, depending on how you pronounce it) book club going in the chat, with fellow listeners sharing insights on the incredible cover art, as well as some pretty compelling Star Wars cocktails. And you'll be able to vote on what book we read next. Check it out here: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPodIf that's not your bag, no worries! Each episode will also get posted in this feed, just a bit later. And we're absolutely still checking that Han Mail, so send us thoughts/queries/support in this trying time as we try to understand how everyone on Tatooine knows Anakin Skywalker = Darth Vader.

Season two is on the way next week for Patreon subscribers! We'll be kicking things off with "Tatooine Ghost," an incredible Thrawn-adjacent art heist. Check us out here: patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPodNon-subscribers get free access to episodes two weeks later (but you won't get to vote on upcoming books or chat with your fellow Deluded Star Wars fans).

Hold onto your butts, it's the action-packed conclusion to all the clone madness! And also the end to the regular everyday madness you feel when you’ve got Emperor Palpatine’s voice rattling around in your head in ALL CAPS! But here they are: the final chapters in Timothy Zahn’s glorious Thrawn Trilogy. Plus some Han Mail with trilogy trivia and a hint at what we’re reading in Season Two! Keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming listener blog post all about cloones (not a typo, iykyk).

Jedi training during a camping trip means getting creative with lightsabers. Wedge gets sent on yet another side mission where he has to try to blend in at a cantina. While Thrawn and the New Republic prepare to duke it out in space, our usual suspects...uh, "heroes"...make a plan to storm the mountain that contains all of the clone madness.

We finally figure out the secret of DELTA SOURCE!! And don’t worry, it’s way cooler than anything you had in mind (yes, even cooler than: “Sounds like Coruscant’s most popular dispensary”). Talon Karrde’s Smuggle Buddies reunite and almost turn on him (gasp!) but he is saved at the last minute due to Niles Ferrier being incredibly bad at his job. Luke Skywalker forces Mara Jade to let him teach her how to stack pebbles with her mind on their doomed camping trip, part deux. And Thrawn uses the pottery that Admiral Ackbar made in a college elective to determine what the New Republic’s next scheme will be.

Sorry we missed you last week! Like Luke Skywalker, we desperately needed a nap. On today’s episode, an astute Han Mail makes us question if Han Solo hails from Space France. Thrawn traps the New Republic high command in the prison of *their own minds* (plus a very real wall of invisible asteroids). Mon Mothma and Bel Iblis finally have a heart-to-heart. Karrde and the smuggle buddies check out some new real estate. Threepio gets a dent (gasp). And Han and Mara find some common ground: there is nothing more annoying than camping with a Jedi.

Barely on the outside, Leia & Han’s twins are already under threat. They get saved by none other than Mara Jade…who is repaid with house arrest?! Uncool, New Republic. Talon Karrde is out there doing smuggler stuff and longing to get his super-competent second-in-command back. And poor Lando continues to learn that bureaucracy is as much of a pain in the ass as the Empire could be.PLUS: we have received the absolute best Han Mail in the form of a bespoke SONG. Feast your ears!