Jake Yapp presents: Not Today, Thank You

Presenting! The debut of our Christmas song. Sung by Steph, with a choir formed of Jamesy, David Ault, David YAPP ACTUALLY and Stevie H and Martin, and arranged for piano and played by Harry the Piano, with a vocal arrangement by Joe Yapp YES ALRIGHT WE'RE THE MAFIA. Sensational job, everybody. Beautiful. We'll put it on youtube somewhere, or on @itsnottodaypod. Or both.Also! Musk glitches out, and a Dickens of a Christmas, with a heavy emphasis on oh nvm xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How about you?But tbh most of the podcast is about Flat Pack Furniture and Christmas Trees and similar toothless observational comedy, gumming fruitlessly on the playpen bars of satire. I was thinking about Peter Mandelson, though, and I was thinking during the podcast how satisfying it would be, if ever I met him, to be able to say to him, 'you're a used condom, filled with dog shit'. That's pretty harsh, so I didn't say it in the podcast. But I keep coming back to it, because it's such a specific, and vivid, and revolting image, that it would stay with him, forever. He's been behind so many big, and grotesquely avaricious decisions taken on the taxpayers' behalf. But, really, don't take these episode notes as being representative of the podcast. It's quite jolly, really. Oh, and Flipping Eckhart Tolle is back xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahhh, the Trainline. I love it, you love it, we could conjugate all night over that one. Some of your RFK poetry has been 'trickling in' *vomits everywhere* - thank you for that. I think. No progress on the singing front, but we may have an emergency episode before next week. Email itsnottodaypod at gmail dot com with any old gubbins. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which we '''''''''enjoy''''''''' some '''''''''poetry''''''''' . Welcoming all thoughts on the new email: itsnottodaypod at gmail dot com. Also a new choir idea thing, and assorted thoughts on AI, therapy, and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. There's thirty bleeps in this one. I'm my own worst enemy. Don't forget to join us on the socials - Julie is doing amazing work. @itsnottodaypod on Instagram. Ooh, and Tiktok, too, for the under-75s... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's... Lovely to be back! How are you? It's been er nearly two years, apparently. But it feels like the time is right. And even if it isn't, we're doing it anyway. In the pod I mentioned an interesting youtube video about Superman LOOK I WAS BORN IN 1973 THIS STUFF RESONATES. Here is that video:https://youtu.be/8_AYM_vmH1o?si=grTWl1iyyWFt0dLROh, just to warn you, there's LANGUAGE in this one. Email me ANYTHING AT ALL: jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com. HELLO xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which I finally actually figure out a format for the Unread Book Club... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A post-festive catchup on stuff, and the launch of two new fun talking points. Also some music I've been doing lately and er. Well. There's no skirting round it. A Quick Chat - can we have a Quick Chat? - about Gregg Wallace... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! Never heard before* Dora Dale from 2007! Movie trailers courtesy of listener Pat! Music with a Very Slow Crescendo! Berlusconi's Art! Also, can we have a quick show of hands... Are you a Fast Eater or a Slow Eater? Email jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com xxx*Apart from about 60% of the jokes which were repurposed, and not for the first time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Srsly. The music. And definitely the jokes. What I WILL say, is that if you buy a bed, it should, like, actually function as a bed. You shouldn't have to go back and buy an extra bit, separately, without being told, without which the bed will not function as a bed. You don't go and buy a car, only to be told ohhh if you needed the chassis, that'll be an extra twenty quid. It feels like a shakedown. And another thing, ladies and gentlemen, what about them new ten pees?I made a video of the music part, which I'll put on my new musicky youtube at some point. If you want to stay in the loop on that, honk onto @jake.yapp.music on instabangs isn't it. Ok hugs x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

...And that's a PITY. So do tell. The new email address is jakeyappmusic at gmail dot com. I don't know why I'm typing that address all CRYPTIC, like. I'd welcome spam at this point. Oh! I meant to tell you on the podcast, I did a really lovely radio show with Bibi Lynch, in front of an audience. If you want to listen, it's the second half of this: https://www.totallyradio.com/shows/bibi-does-brighton/episodes/bibi-does-brighton-05-oct-23 Anyway. DO get in touch. Any requests? I need a brief. x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the last of the series, Molly Elwood joins me to share the love, with some of the best food I have ever tasted. I'll be on jackfm.co.uk 9am-12pm every weekday from the 19th December, and LIVE on BBC Radio 4 Extra every weekday evening in January, 7-10pm for Jake Yapp's Unwinding. Stay in touch, and have a good festive season xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some memories of one of the great innovators of radio comedy, Victor Lewis-Smith. Rest in peace, you brilliant bastard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That's all I'm saying. Chuck in all the firm veg you want - cabbage, carrot, maybe a little chilli, ginger, garlic, it's all optional - and add two per cent salt, by weight. At least. If you're nervous, go three per cent. And scrunch it in well and pack it tight into the jar. Leave it out of your fridge for a few days, depending on how warm your kitchen is, then move them to the fridge. And burp the jars. For god's sake. No-one needs cabbagey shrapnel. Anyway. We explored some mildly fraught stuff in the podcast today - that's on me - and I hope you're ok with it. Door's always open: nottoday@swanburst.com xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sort of blew it. Oh well. Helluva run, guys. Helluva run. I'd tell you I love you, but it feels a bit manipulative, you know? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did this episode not upload? It bloody didn't, did it? FFS. Well, there's no point crying about it now. Here it is. I'd say it's late, but we promised each other this'd be a no-strings thing, didn't we? I just feel very connected to you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

BIG NEWS TO SHARE unless you heard today's AudioFreqs podcast, in which case erm carry on. Also, Mic Wright - go read him at brokenbottleboy.substack.com xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lots of music today! Here's a link to the article on key changes: https://tedium.co/2022/11/09/the-death-of-the-key-change/ And erm yes, if you fancy being a philanthropist and hem hem benefactor of The Arts hem hem (listen to the ep first) the paypal address is nottoday@swanburst.com hem hem how vulgar I never discuss money etc. xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good Monday to you. In today's show: Amol Rajan knocks it out of the park. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Featuring a motivational speech and more business about K*vin the C*rrot. MUST DASH OK LOVE YOU Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today! Hyper-local news, wonderful Champagne news (I really wasn't kidding when I said you literally cannot buy a pitchfork on Amazon) AND a new round of Celebrity Soup of the Day. I SWEAR to GOD I am going to make this game a cult hit. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.