Classic Breakdown!

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So here is another portion of Dracula read with a singular lack of preparation or skill. As I say, it’s an acquired taste. Members of my own family don’t listen to it, so let that stand as some sort of warning to you.It’s recorded not on a wax cylinder but using the less than stellar (Stella!!!!) headset mic by audio technica which purports to have a capsule from the 2020 series. Not so sure that it’s entirely suited to recording long form audio even for a podcast.The sky outside is actually blue so must get out there and do something even less constructive.Ciao. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Why do bats suddenly appearEvery time you are near?Poor old Lucy! Always wanting to leave the windows open and somewhat averse to the garlic baguette that Van Helsing brandishes before her pallid fizzog. She’s arguably, in the words of 1950s magistrates, asking for it, fang-wise. But she’s certainly a fighter and submits to her arduous toilet twice daily, administered by her maid, whose name, of course, is never revealed.Bram Stoker purists will be relieved to know that Banana Nesquik does not get a mention this week. But just like supermarket home delivery there’s always a disappointing ‘substitution’ in the shape of a Melton Mowbray mini.I hope this week’s episode will spawn many comments be they harsh or otherwise.Thanks for listening.And remember, try to grow your own garlic for wreaths and garlands, as importing them from Holland will make the maps go redder. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Once again we return to the land of Bram Stoker.I was tinkering with the Audio Technica headset mic., as if you wanted to know that and then was playing with the Studio One software which is less than user friendly imo. Trying to make a stack or plugin chain that tamed the whole thing. It’s noisy and a bit echoey, and NOT my usual studio or equipment. Time to go back to the functional idiot-proofery of Twisted Wave and Reaper, possibly the Beyerdynamic 201 of the previous episode.But of Dracula I can say nothing more. Some people have asked that I persist - and sometimes I am filled with enthusiasm. Today, as you might guess, not so much.Still, off to lunch in an excellent hostelry shortly in good company. Will there be beer? Yes, there will and perhaps the rosbif of olde England.If you were looking for a funner and contemporary novel that’s heaps better than Dracula have a look on my YouTube channel for the four part recording of The Beetle. The first two chapters are beautifully written.Best wishes,Greg This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Well, look: I was in a comfy chair and that's perhaps why this episode is a little lacklustre.  There is literally nothing to recommend it.  Perhaps making Seward a bit more estuary is enjoyable for me, but makes little sense.  You can't really imagine the Westenras having him over to shoot or hunt, but who knows?  Lucy does sound like she plays the field a bit in terms of suitors - or did, at any rate before the big bite.I afraid I got the stomach rumbles during this episode.  I've excised some of them with brutal imprecision.It's a long book.  But we seem to be picking up a few more listeners - like a cart during the Black Death. Pushing up towards 3 figures now!  Let's hope we can smash that lofty barrier before the aliens invade good and proper.Please leave whatever comments you see fit on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.  Every Little Yelps. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Greetings All.  We continue in our halting attempt to drag ourselves through Bram Stoker's classic work and we've got to the section where Lucy Westenra is getting a little bit anaemic. Who knows why? And Wilhelmina Murray berates herself for using a big safety pin near Lucy's neck. Safety pins can be dangerous!So, we press on!  And as Spring ushers itself in we hope to do another episode before the first daffodils are up. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

We're  on the high seas on board the ill omened Demeter.  There are some funny boxes below decks with some rather innocent contents (according to Turkish Customs) and lots of disappearances at night.  The crew is made up of Russians and Roumanians.The Captain has lashed himself to Tenille and there's something a bit rum about the rum. Recorded with the Rode NT-USB Mini and then some poorly executed mastering.Please leave a note - like the Captain. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Well, Happy New Year 2023!  Apparently and this is according to the stats, (so we're all fully on board with their likely veracity, aren't we?), I am now followed by a dozen regular listeners.  Fair dinkum.  I didn't get into this podcast game for popularity: I was only ever motivated by narcissism.  However, we push on because of reasons.  I don't like to quit halfway through a project - and that includes life - and I know that will disappoint many Canadian 'liberals' out there.Dracula is an interesting tale of gathering darkness and has some resonances today. If you haven't observed this phenomenon you probably work for the government or sell and distribute weapons of mass destruction (a wide variety is available).Chapter 7 recounts the slightly dramatic arrival of the Demeter at Whitby Harbour and the successful keto diet undertaken by the crew.  There's a big dog too.This travesty was recorded using a Rode USB Mini microphone in the middle of a room.  Then some declick and Thomas Mundt Loudness. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Perhaps Mina is the one who is the stranger at the Westenras and is waiting for news from Jonathan Harker?  Her chum Lucy is sleep-walking again which is probably not the best problem to have at this time.  She bumps into the tedious old bloke up at the Abbey once again and chats about this and that, especially the morbid humour of said bloke.  He apologises - almost.  Out at sea there's a storm brewing and the coastguard chap who turns up opportunely has spotted a Russian ship bobbing up and down like nobody's business. Who's at the tiller?Nice steak! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Back again with a bit more about Renfield.  It's approaching tea time here at Wagland Towers so my mind is elsewhere. Can you tell?Renfield too has got his mind on his unconventional dinner. That big juicy bluebottle especially.A bit more of Dracula.  But to what end. There was an ancient series of books at school, primary school, called Reading to Some Purpose. This is something different. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

It's Mina's journal and she's on holiday in Whitby with the Westenras enjoying the view from up the Abbey, with a saveloy and a bag of scraps. She's chatting to a centenarian about the gravestones and foreshadowing some gothic terrors ahead.Hope you enjoy.  It's like picking up with an old friend and trying to recapture something that's lost.I'm sure you'll agree, it ain't happening.Cheers, Greg.And for those who arrived like refugees from YouTube thanks for making the trek over but the management is sorry to inform you that there are no refunds. Not now, not ever.Meanwhile sit back and enjoy... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

It's all an outrageous and satanic scam, isn't it? Built on fear and coercion. But let's get back to Dracula... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

'This man should know better.  He sounds well advanced in age and yet he appears to be making a monkey, not only of himself, but of his audience to boot.' Evadne McKinch, Abertay Services.Just one of several flattering comments from listeners around the world.Chapter 4 from Dracula, with diversions.Dedicated to St Anthony of Fauci. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Never record when you're not in the mood.  Say after me...Well, it's true.  It's not terrible but nor is it good.  It's the one about those 'less than hot' birds at the Big D's gaff.Stay crazy! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

It's the Children of the Night one.  Once again, apologies to Romanian gymnastic coaches...A Beyerdynamic M201 is not just for Christmas.  Nor is the RodeCASTER Pro.More root canal Monday - can you tell? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Welcome listener to 2021.  Scream if you want to get off!  Or perhaps you'd rather wait for the anaphylactic shock and/or govt. compo!And with a raging toothache I bring you yet another unasked for chapter from a classic public domain work.  This time it's Dracula by Bram Stoker with the occasional lugubrious dull-witted addition from yours truly...What 2 works (Dracula and 1984) better sum up the zeitgeist or rather what 2 works of literature do the behavioural psychologists reach for as they attempt to conjure their next outrageous and hysterical mitigation policy, with half an eye to the cultural 'fear porn' switches they can flip on their experimental guinea-pigs.It won't be much fun, this mass unhitching from the Age of Reason, but we're not quite at the point where we need to lob ourselves into the volcano.2021.  Do not go gentle.  At least we've still got professional sports! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

The dystopian novel for our times.  Nothing much to laugh at here.Now in the public domain across the world - except in the U.S.A quick New Year's Day recording. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Been a while.  Not really enjoying The Fall of the House of Usher, but I guess I'll drag my way to the end of it.  As the world holds its breath re: current affairs over the Pond, we find that Madeline Usher is less than well and could perhaps do with a manicure.  There are Shubunkins, rogue software, Quavers and other walk-ons.  And if you wish to comment or hurl abuse please do so at Twitter account @ClassicBreakdo1 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com

Well.  Hello again.Taken a little while to decide what classic to read next - so this is a short diversion into Edgar Allan Poe land.  Not sure his lugubrious diversions entirely suit my lugubrious diversions - possibly too many lugubrious diversions in one hour.Anyway.  See what you think!Cheers.  Enjoy living! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gregwagland.substack.com