The Inner Work Conversation

Join the book club: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/bookclubMentioned episodes:* Episode 296 – I wasn’t getting results quick enough. Instead of giving up, here’s what I did.* Episode 241– How to hold your nerve * Episode 237 – How to not give up when it’s hard* Episode 72 – Learning how to not give up* Episode 326 – Stop trying to “action away” your feelings* Episode 152– When results aren’t happening (quickly enough) When it feels like it’s not working and you want to give up, this episode is your reminder to chop wood and carry water. In Episode 328, I talk about the messy middle …the phase where progress is invisible, motivation dips, and you question everything. There’s no magic shortcut. Just small, unsexy actions compounded over time. If you’re tired, doubting, or wondering what’s the point… press play. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Book club link: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/bookclubEpisode 280: Powerful assumptions that I think on PURPOSEEpisode 307: The REAL cost of overthinkingEpisode 326: stop trying to “action” your discomfort away This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Related episodes:271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty 319 - The Messy Middle: where most people quit, and what to do instead 181 - Learning how to trust yourself is a profitable skill280 - Powerful assumptions that will help you win in business 124 - How your assumptions are holding you back 105 - HERE is how to build self assurance If you’ve been questioning everything lately … your business, career, money, or direction… because you feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or emotionally rattled… this episode is for you.In Episode 326 of The Inner Work Conversation, I talk about something I see constantly (in myself and in the people I work with):Trying to action away uncomfortable feelings.This is a short, honest listen about emotional dysregulation, fear-based decisions, and how to stop making big moves just to escape how you feel.If you’ve ever thought:* “I need to fix this NOW.”* “I can’t cope with this feeling. I must do something.”…this episode is for you The patternYou feel something uncomfortable:Fear.Pressure.Uncertainty.Overwhelm.And almost immediately your system goes:I need to do something. NOW.So you start:* comparing your offers / CV / website* redoing your strategy (again)* questioning your direction… your future… your LIFEYou reshuffle. Reorganise. Make big decisions. Burn things down.Not from clarity.From dysregulation. From trying to escape how you feel.As I say in the episode: none of this action comes from strategy – it comes from trying to escape the inner experience.That’s the real pattern.Fear-based decisions feel differentThey usually feel:Urgent.Mentally loud.Heavy.Rushed.Pressured.With thoughts like:“I just need to fix / figure this out right now…”That’s not intuition.That’s your nervous system in distress.One of the biggest reminders I share:Feeling unsafe does not mean something needs to be fixed (right now).Grounded decisions don’t come from panicThey feel quieter.They don’t arrive with chaos.They come after you’ve allowed yourself to feel what you’re feeling instead of trying to action it away.Your inner dialogue starts to sound more like:“I don’t need to solve this today.”“I’ve handled hard things before.”“I don’t need to dismantle everything right now.”Getting yourself to that place?That’s self-leadership.Here’s the rule I now live by:I act when I’m calm.I don’t make big decisions when I feel overwhelmed, scared, or desperate for certainty.Because the thing you’re obsessing over is rarely the real problem.Usually, it’s how you feel that needs tending to - not the external situation.A few lines from the episode“Please stop trying to action away your inner experience. Because when you do that, you are not making good decisions on behalf of yourself.” (05:21)“The situation hasn’t changed. It’s just suddenly urgent because now I’m uncomfortable – and my nervous system wants out.” (08:19)“I’ve learnt to recognise when I’m in that place because it feels like I’m scratching around to find a decision, not receiving one – forcing one.” (07:56)“Although it feels like the end of the world if I don’t fix it right now, I’ve learnt I don’t need to solve this today. I’ve handled hard things before.” (10:29)If you’ve been in “I must do something” mode lately, this episode might be exactly what helps you slow down, reconnect with yourself, and make decisions from clarity instead of fear. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

…But the most damaging comparison isn’t external - it’s internal. It’s you vs the version of you in your head who:* Never struggles* Always feels motivated* Copes better* Finds things easierThat version doesn’t ...even ...exist.But we still use it as the benchmark.And then we wonder why everything feels heavier than it needs to.Why do you find it so hard? Ermmm maybe because it’s (objectively) hard...One of the most important reminders from this episode:When you’re wondering “what’s wrong with me ... .Why am I finding it so hard??”Remember: Some things are hard because they are objectively hard.Not because you’re weak.Not because you’re behind.Not because you’re incapable.But when you’re in the messy middle - the discomfort, the part when you don’t know if it’s all working ... your brain will often turn struggle into a personal failing.This episode is about catching that moment ...and choosing not to be another voice in your own head tearing you down.A BETTER way to use comparison (that actually builds confidence) Here’s the realisation that changed everything for me:Instead of comparing yourself to the version of you who never struggles…compare yourself to the version of you who didn’t even show up.The version who:* Didn’t send the proposal in the first place * Didn’t put themselves forward for that thing * Didn’t go to the class / networking event / interview * Didn’t trySuddenly, everything you’re doing becomes bonus effort, not evidence that you’re failing.That’s how comparison starts to build confidence instead of erode it.Because let’s not forget - YOU HAVE A CHOICE...Let your effort count Your 100% won’t look the same every day. Comparing yourself to fantasy standards disconnects you from reality ...and from your own progress. Episode 325 is about:* How to stay grounded when you want to self-doubt-spiral* How to use comparison in a healthier way * How to stop the inner critic mid-effort* How to let your effort count ... not in a ‘toxic positivity’ kind of way, but in a balanced way. ...Especially on days when you feel tired, hormonal, stretched, or off-form.Quotes from episode 325:“Most comparison isn’t to other people. It’s comparing yourself to the perfect version of you that doesn’t even exist.” (~16:20)“There are enough people in the world who will put you down. I don’t need to be another voice in my own head doing that to myself.” (~17:42)“Our brains naturally focus on where we’re behind. But every book I read comes back to the same thing: you’ve got to let your progress count.” (~27:24)Loved this? Here’s more episodes linked to this topic:* Episode 323 – Self Sabotage* Episode 203 – The Costs of Dodging Disapproval in Business* Episode 80 – Unhooking from Praise & Criticism This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

This episode is a direct follow up to episode 321 linked HERE.Other linked episodes:280: Powerful assumptions that’ll help you win in business 132: Let’s talk about visibility - are you hiding? 247: “they don’t like me” and other ideas that are screwing you over212: Building the emotional capacity you need to do business well This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Join the book club HERE : https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/bookclubMentioned episodes:Sarah Nolan’s “the Wellness Brief” podcast - episode 37 linked HERE * Your brain is sabotaging you * Are YOU secretly sabotaging? * Why overcomplicating things is ACTUALLY self sabotage * Self sabotaging? Fix: assume the opposite * Grit, grace, adversity & acceptance * I self sabotage, you self sabotage - we ALL self sabotage This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

JOIN HERE: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclub - DOORS CLOSE 26th Jan. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Join the Inner Work Club here: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclubLinked episodes:297 - Are you( ready for the Inner Work?280 - Powerful assumptions that will help you win in business 320 - three things I do to keep myself on track 234 - when you just want to know it’ll all be ok, listen to this 271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Join the Inner Work Club here: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclubMore episodes on doubt:280 - Powerful assumptions that will help you win in business 320 - three things I do to keep myself on track 234 - when you just want to know it’ll all be ok, listen to this 271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Join the Inner Work Club HERE: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclubEpisodes linked:260 - the power of backing yourself in business 240 - the messy middle we need to normalise 264 - the reason you’re stuck & what to do about it 275 - Handling your inner critic 272 - about your self doubt This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Doors open to the Inner Work Foundations Monday 12th Jan (doors close 26th Jan)Mentioned in this episode:* Why you avoid self reflection - ep 82* Signs you need to get clear & unstuck - ep 300* Feeling stuck? Here’s where to start - ep 294* Are you building a business (or career) you’re actually happy in? - ep 274* Are you ready for the Inner Work? Here’s what I look for in my clients - episode 297* Three things I do to keep mySELF & my business on track - 286 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

I’m walking through my biggest lessons I’m taking from 2025 …and I invite you to reflect on your own year too. Let’s take a minute (or 30) to slow down, zoom out, and take what’s useful for your life and business, in a simple, non-overwhelming way.LINKS: The Inner Work Business Book Club: www.thrivewithnikkicross.co.uk/bookclubEpisodes mentioned / linked:Episode 186 - I miss my Mum (what to do in business when a significant support leaves your life)Episode 290. When you KNOW something needs to change but you don’t know where to start ...here’s how with (one of my closest friends) Emma RimmerEpisode 299. The costs of not being honest with yourSELFEpisode 304. What happened to my business when I stopped neglecting myselfEpisode 306: If doing more & trying harder isn’t working - do thisEpisode 311. Want your energy back? The hidden costs of complaining (& what to do instead) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

I’m walking through my biggest lessons I’m taking from 2025 …and I invite you to reflect on your own year too. Let’s take a minute (or 30) to slow down, zoom out, and take what’s useful for your life and business, in a simple, non-overwhelming way.LINKS: The Inner Work Business Book Club: www.thrivewithnikkicross.co.uk/bookclubEpisodes mentioned / linked:Episode 186 - I miss my Mum (what to do in business when a significant support leaves your life)Episode 290. When you KNOW something needs to change but you don’t know where to start ...here’s how with (one of my closest friends) Emma RimmerEpisode 299. The costs of not being honest with yourSELFEpisode 304. What happened to my business when I stopped neglecting myselfEpisode 306: If doing more & trying harder isn’t working - do thisEpisode 311. Want your energy back? The hidden costs of complaining (& what to do instead) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Ellie Campagna / Rae Creative: www.raecreative.comInstagram: @rae_creativeBook Club: https://www.thrivewithnikkicross.co.uk/bookclubIn this episode, I’m joined by Ellie Campagna, Founder of Rae Creative, for a powerful conversation about what it really looks like to stop forcing, trust yourself, and lead calmly at the next level of business. Ellie shares how she moved from second-guessing her decisions to feeling solid in her voice, her pricing, and her professional judgement …not by doing more, but by working on how she relates to uncertainty, discomfort, and self-belief. This is an honest, grounded conversation about backing yourself, expanding your tolerance for uncertainty, and showing up differently when outcomes aren’t guaranteed.If you’ve been pushing, overthinking, or quietly doubting yourself while outwardly succeeding, this episode will land.LINKED EPISODES:Ellie’s “Inner Work Conversation podcast Greatest Hits” playlistEpisode 297. Are you ready for the inner work? Here’s what I look for in MY clients...Episode 286. The three things I do to keep my business ( & mySELF) on trackEpisode 280. Powerful assumptions that will help you win in businessEpisode 271. How I got better at handling uncertainty ...I wish I’d have known this soonerEpisode 234. When you just want to know it’ll all be ok...listen to this Episode 189 Coping with uncertainty Episode 223. THIS is how to be authentically YOU in business with Chloe from Studio Chloe David This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Charlotte’s links:Website: https://www.charlottegoss.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/systems.with.charlotte/?hl=enThe Book Club: https://www.thrivewithnikkicross.co.uk/bookclub This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

This week’s episode is for anyone who feels like they’re putting in the work but not seeing enough to show for it. That uncomfortable gap between effort and outcome. The moment you start wondering if it’s even working.Your tipping point is coming. You just can’t see it yet. And holding your nerve in that middle bit is the thing most people never learn to do.If you need perspective, reassurance or a straight-talking nudge to stay the course, this one will help.LINKED EPISODES:186 - What to do (in business) when someone significant isn’t in your Iife any more296 - What I did when I wasn’t seeing results quick enough 271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty 257 - Business results and £££ don’t care how hard you work 241 - How to be steady in the storm 189 - Coping with uncertainty Join the book club: https://www.thrivewithnikkicross.co.uk/bookclub This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

7 day free trial to the book club HERE: https://www.thrivewithnikkicross.co.uk/bookclubLinked episodes:70 - the false benefits of getting in your own way157 - the false benefits of holding yourself back275 - the half marathon on (self criticism, self doubt & all that…)186 - What to do (in business) when someone significant isn’t in your Iife any more This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

7 day free trial to the book club is HERE: https://www.thrivewithnikkicross.co.uk/bookclub This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com

Linked episodes:152 - When results aren’t happening (quickly enough)241 - Steady in the storm - how to hold your nerve when it matters most189 - Coping with uncertainty271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty 296 - I wasn’t getting results quick enough. Instead of giving up - here’s what I did237 - How not to give up when it’s hard JOIN THE BOOK CLUB HERE This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com