Legally Clueless

What happens when the person who once made you feel like the centre of their world becomes the person who makes you question your worth?The constant attention. The big promises. The feeling that you've finally found someone who truly understands you. And then, slowly, the affection changes. The criticism begins. Your boundaries are tested. You find yourself holding on to the person they were at the beginning.In Part 1 of this conversation on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with psychologist and trauma therapist Perpetua Chomba to unpack how narcissistic abuse can begin, how it can escalate, and why recognising and leaving a harmful relationship can be so difficult. They explore love bombing, future faking, gaslighting and the cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering. They also discuss how inconsistent affection can strengthen attachment, why setting boundaries matters, and how our earliest experiences of love can shape the relationships we find ourselves in as adults.In this episode, we explore:Love bombing and future faking: when intensity is mistaken for intimacyHow someone responds when you set a boundaryGaslighting, silent treatment and emotional manipulationFinancial abuse, isolation and other forms of controlThe cycle of devaluing, discard and hooveringNarcissistic patterns in family relationshipsTrauma bonds and why leaving can feel so difficultHow the highs and lows of a relationship can become familiarLearning to recognise consistent love without abandoning yourselfIn Part 2, Adelle and Perpetua explore healing from narcissistic abuse and answer questions sent in by the For Mannerless Women community.CONNECT WITH PERPETUA CHOMBA Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapist_perpetuaTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therapistperpetua RESOURCES RECOMMENDED BY PERPETUA The covert Passive aggressive narcissist by debbie mirza bookWill I ever be good enough healing daughters of narcissistic mothers by karyl McBrideBoundaries by Dr henry cloudJOIN THE LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA COMMUNITYWebsite: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutubeSHARE YOUR STORY https://forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8 If this conversation helps you put language to something you've experienced, share it with another woman who may need it.Subscribe to For Mannerless Women wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss Part 2.#ForMannerlessWomen #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #LoveBombing #TraumaBonds #AfricanWomen #LegallyCluelessAfrica

Have you ever disliked a woman who hadn't actually done anything to you? Maybe her confidence irritated you, her success made you uncomfortable, or you found yourself picking apart her life without really understanding why. What if the problem isn't her, but what her life brings up in you?In this week's episode of The Mid Week Tease, Adelle Onyango unpacks jealousy, envy, and the uncomfortable ways comparison can turn into shame, insecurity, and sometimes hostility toward other women. We explore the difference between jealousy and envy, why another woman's success can make us question our own worth, and how the expectations placed on women can make us see one another as competition. Most importantly, Adelle shares seven practical ways to navigate jealousy without projecting it onto other women. Because feeling jealous doesn't make you a bad person. But what you do with that feeling matters.In this episode, we explore:The psychological difference between jealousy and envy.How comparison can trigger shame, fear, and insecurity.Why we sometimes criticise women whose lives reflect something we desire.How to celebrate a friend while navigating your own disappointment.Seven practical ways to understand and manage jealousy.How to turn comparison into a better understanding of what you want for yourself.CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICAWebsite: https://legallycluelessafrica.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica New episodes of The Mid Week Tease every Wednesday on the Legally Clueless Africa channels.#TheMidWeekTease #LegallyCluelessAfrica #Jealousy #Envy #WomenSupportingWomen #SelfAwareness

How do you figure out what you want to do with your life when nothing seems to quite fit?In Part 1 of Lisa Gaitho’s story, she takes us from a playful childhood growing up in Nairobi West to a high school experience she desperately wanted to escape and into years of trying to figure out where she belonged. Lisa tried journalism. She tried hotel and restaurant management. She eventually found culinary school, which took her from Nairobi to South Africa. But when she returned home ready to begin her career, the reality she encountered made her question whether this was the life she wanted after all. Suddenly, she was back home watching the people around her move forward while she wrestled with one overwhelming question: What am I actually doing with my life? Lisa speaks candidly about the pressure she put on herself to have everything figured out, feeling like she was wasting time, and how dark that period of uncertainty became. And just when she has no idea what comes next, she meets someone who will take her life in a completely unexpected direction. This is Part 1 of Lisa’s three-part story.CONTENT NOTE: This episode includes a brief discussion of suicidal ideation.Connect with Lisa Gaitho: https://www.instagram.com/lisagaithoHave a story you’d like to share on Legally Clueless?Submit your story here:https://forms.gle/JMrQD55jcrazKFKX7CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICAInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/legallycluelessafrica/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica

What if the life you really want begins after the age you were told you should have everything figured out?In this episode of For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with Sally Sawe, Co-Founder and COO of The Partnership Agency, for a beautiful conversation about ageing, starting again and giving yourself permission to build a life that is entirely your own. Approaching 40, Sally walked away from a long-term relationship and began questioning the definition of a “full life” she had inherited. Did it have to include marriage? Children? Could she define it differently for herself?Then at 53, after 20 years at WPP Scangroup, Sally made another huge pivot: she co-founded her own advertising agency. What began with five people working from a garden has since grown to a team of more than 100.In this conversation, we talk about:• Starting again at any age• Why ageing can bring more confidence, not less• Being happily single and child-free• Defining a full life outside marriage and motherhood• Leaving relationships that no longer serve you• Learning to enjoy your own company• Building self-trust and listening to your inner voice• Starting a business in your 50s• Beginning again after 20 years in one career• Letting go of ego when you have to start small• Why experience becomes an advantage as you age• Giving yourself permission instead of waiting for it from othersSally’s Mannerless Message is simple: “Be as ungovernable as you can be.”Give yourself permission to change your mind, begin again and live your life fully.CONNECT WITH SALLY SAWE The Partnership Agency:https://www.instagram.com/thepartnershipagencyhttps://thepartnershipafrica.com/ Sally Sawe:https://www.instagram.com/sally.sawe CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA Sign up for our newsletter:legallycluelessafrica.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/legallycluelesspodcast TikTok:www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica For Mannerless Women is a Legally Clueless Africa production creating space for honest, shame-free conversations about African womanhood. Subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode of Season 6, and share this conversation with a Mannerless or almost Mannerless woman in your life.

Leaving a harmful relationship is one thing. Staying gone can be another battle entirely.Inspired by Ann’s story on the Legally Clueless podcast, this week Adelle explores what it actually means to choose yourself while trying to leave an emotionally abusive or harmful relationship and in the days, weeks and months after you’ve walked away. Because going back doesn’t make you weak.In this episode, we unpack why you can know someone is hurting you and still miss them, the role attachment and intermittent reinforcement can play in keeping us connected to harmful relationships, and why shame isn’t a useful tool for helping women leave.Adelle also shares 8 practical ways to keep choosing yourself, including therapist Atsede Scarseth’s advice to create a “reality list,” use a 24-hour rule before making contact, remove easy access to an ex, ask yourself what you actually miss, and allow grief to exist without interpreting it as a sign that you should go back.Plus: why you need a “don’t go back alone” system, how replacing the routines of a relationship can help you rebuild your life, and why returning to someone who hurt you can be treated as information rather than evidence that you’ve failed.In this episode:• Why leaving a harmful relationship can be so difficult• Why going back does not make you weak• Trauma bonds and intermittent reinforcement• Making a reality list for moments of nostalgia• The 24-hour rule when you want to reach out• Removing easy access and creating boundaries• Asking yourself what you actually miss• Why missing someone doesn't mean leaving was a mistake• Building a support system that doesn't shame you• Replacing the routines your relationship once occupied• What to ask yourself if you do go back• Rebuilding self-trust after a harmful relationshipTherapist mentioned:Atsede Scarseth:https://www.tiktok.com/@atsedescarseth If you are experiencing abuse, coercive control, stalking or threats, please consider creating a safety plan and reaching out to a trusted person or domestic violence support service. Leaving an abusive relationship can sometimes increase risk, and you do not have to navigate that process alone.Keep up with Legally Clueless Africa:Website: https://legallycluelessafrica.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica New episodes of the Mid Week Tease every Wednesday.