The Unburdened Leader

Have you ever thought of being an amateur as a good thing?Many of us learned from an early age that our worth was tied to excelling at what we do and turning it into something productive. And many leaders carry the belief that they must be certain, skilled, and polished at all times.But what if the exact opposite were true?When we allow ourselves to dabble, to be amateurs, to be just okay at things, our brains literally become more adaptable and our nervous systems learn to stay grounded in the midst of risk, uncertainty, and vulnerability. Just as importantly, leaders who model dabbling create spaces where families, teams, and communities are safe to embrace curiosity and exploration. Resilient leadership requires us to meet high-stakes challenges with adaptability, grounded presence, and compassion. Intentional amateurship prepares us for life’s curveballs by building those skills in low-stakes settings.Today’s guest returns to make the case for being a dabbler as a practice of freedom, resilience, and leadership. She shows us how choosing to play, experiment, and simply try expands our capacity for presence and courage.Karen Walrond is an award-winning author, speaker, and leadership coach on a mission to create a kindness revolution. Her books encourage readers to identify their values and inner light and use them to make the world brighter for others.  Audiences around the world have left her keynotes inspired with hope and a renewed determination to serve.  And her one-on-one leadership coaching sessions, workshops and retreats, rooted in the tenets of positive psychology coaching, have helped hundreds of clients unearth their gifts and past triumphs to lead with confidence, compassion and kindness.Karen and her family split their time between Houston, Texas, USA and Bath, Somerset, UK.Listen to the full episode to hear:The restorative power of doing something purely for the love of itHow following her curiosity has shaped Karen’s career and how she protects her amateur pursuitsHow Karen’s dabbling adventures tapped into her seven attributes of intentional amateurismHow intentional amateurship helps embed self-care, self-compassion, and self-transcendence into our livesHow practicing being an amateur helps us bring curiosity, compassion, and resilience to our leadershipWhy the humbling experiences of dabbling are a vital reminder for leaders that they’re in it alongside their teamsLearn more about Karen Walrond:WebsiteInstagram: @heychookooloonksFacebook: @chookooloonksConnect on LinkedInThe Make Light Journal on SubstackIn Defense of Dabbling: The Brilliance of Being a Total AmateurRadiant Rebellion: Reclaim Aging, Practice Joy, and Raise a Little HellThe Lightmaker's Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your JoyThe Beauty of Different: Observations of a Confident MisfitLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Cherished Belonging: The Healing Power of Love in Divided Times, Gregory BoyleTattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion, Gregory BoyleGeorge Michael, Mary J. Blige - AsConclaveHomeboy Industries

We’ve all had bad bosses.We might have even been one. At the very least, we’ve probably let people down who counted on us.We all carry burdens from our past that show up in how we lead. And we’re all confronting systems that foster toxic workplace cultures where overwork and blurred boundaries are the norm, spaces that don’t feel safe or generative, and where there is little to no accountability.The question we face is simple, but urgent: How do we want to lead?Our leadership can reinforce toxic systems and norms. Or we can learn to recognize our own burdens and do the work to become more aware, adaptable, and flexible. We can create spaces where people feel seen, heard, and valued, even when systems feel unstable or unfair.Because leading is about deciding, in every moment, whether we respond from our burdens or from our values. And my guest today helps us reflect on those choices and decide how we want to lead through her own lived experiences with bad bosses. Mita Mallick is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author who is on a mission to fix what’s broken in our workplaces. She’s a corporate change maker with a track record of transforming businesses and has had an extensive career as a marketing and human resources executive. Mallick is a highly sought-after speaker who has advised Fortune 500 companies and start-ups alike. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice and was named to the Thinkers 50 Radar List. She’s a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Adweek, and Entrepreneur. Mallick has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Time Magazine, Forbes, Axios, Essence, Cosmopolitan Magazine and Business Insider.Listen to the full episode to hear:Three scenarios where leaders commonly shift into being bad bossesKey reasons why we tolerate bad bosses and what we can do to shift the cultureWhy Mita’s 13 archetypal bad bosses persist in our workplacesWhy leaders have to invest time and connection in their team members if they want to retain themWhy another executive coaching program will not fix a truly bad bossThe number one skill leaders can focus on to become a better bossWhy corporate America needs more humility and vulnerabilityLearn more about Mita Mallick:WebsiteConnect on LinkedInReimagine Inclusion: Debunking 13 Myths to Transform Your WorkplaceThe Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn from Bad BossesLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 102: Toxic Leadership: The True Cost of Workplace Trauma with Mita MallickGive and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, Adam GrantThe Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth, Amy C EdmondsonThe Normalization Of Corruption In Organizations, Blake E. Ashforth and Vikas AnandManaging to be ethical: Debunking five business ethics myths, Linda Klebe Treviño and Michael E. BrownExamining the Link Between Ethical Leadership and Employee Misconduct: The Mediating Role of Ethical Climate, David M. Mayer, Maribeth Kuenzi, Rebecca L. GreenbaumThe Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk M.D.The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe, Stephen W. PorgesPrimal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, Prof Daniel Goleman PH D, Richard E Boyatzis, and Annie McKeePsychological Conditions of Personal Engagement and Disengagement at Work, William A. KahnEmotional Intelligence: Theory, Findings, and Implications, John D. Mayer, Peter Salovey, David R. CarusoWorking with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel GolemanThe 5Ds of Bystander Intervention - Right To BeEP 52: Charlie Gilkey: Leading With What Matters MostEP 85: Team Habits: Redefining Workplace Dynamics with Charlie GilkeyBig Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth GilbertThe Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears Into Your Leadership Superpower, Morra Aarons-MeleSia - UnstoppableThe SopranosBreaking BadFresh Off the BoatThe Fresh Prince of Bel Air

How we care for ourselves is inextricably connected to how we lead.In a culture where we moralize health and sell wellness as a symbol of worth, where we’re obsessed with productivity and optimization, our relationships with food and our bodies go beyond personal struggles.They shape how we lead, how we show up for others, and how we define success. When leaders model extreme routines, restrictive regimens, or performance-based wellness, they may unintentionally perpetuate shame and comparison–even if they intend to inspire or be helpful.This isn’t a dismissal of health. Caring for our bodies, feeding ourselves well, and seeking movement that feels good and helps our bodies be strong are powerful acts of self-respect. But when an obsession with performance and purity–whether through hustle culture or “clean” living–erodes our self-trust and amplifies our inner critics, it becomes a leadership issue.Today’s guest is an eating disorder specialist who understands how shame, perfectionism, and chronic striving get tangled up in how we feed and care for ourselves, and how we show up in the world. Unburdening our relationship with food and body isn’t just about health; it’s a powerful leadership move.As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro has specialized in treating eating issues and trauma for close to 30 years. She trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) before discovering the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. Dr. Catanzaro served as the director of a day treatment program for eating disorders for two years and is currently the Vice President of the Internal Family Systems Institute. She is the author of the book, Unburdened Eating: Healing Your Relationships with Food and Your Body Using an Internal Family Systems Approach.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why unburdening our relationship with food and body is a continual process, not a three-step planHow to approach your motivations for how you eat and exercise with curiosity and compassionHow diet culture isn’t just about weight, but reflects wider cultural and systemic beliefs about bodies, health, beauty, and worthHow value judgments about how we and others eat protect us from vulnerability and reinforce hierarchiesWhy it’s impossible to fixate on your own body without your self-judgment rubbing off onto othersCommon wellness traps that can feed our inner managers and protectors at the expense of our core self-knowledgeLearn more about Dr. Jeanne Catanzaro:WebsiteUnburdened Eating: Healing Your Relationships with Food and Your Body Using an Internal Family Systems ApproachLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Health Food Junkies Orthorexia Nervosa: Overcoming the Obsession with Healthful Eating, Steven Bratman, David KnightHealth At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight, Lindo BaconHealth at Every Size® (HAES®) Principles – ASDAHSelf-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Dr. Kristin NeffJessica WilsonSonya Renee TaylorSabrina StringsDa'Shaun HarrisonJessica KnurickEvelyn TriboleWhy Can’t Americans Sleep? - Jennifer Senior, The AtlanticOriginal Sin: President Biden's Decline, Its Cover-Up, and His Disastrous Choice to Run Again, Jake Tapper, Alex ThompsonCeleste, Pete KuzmaLincoln's DilemmaThe Great British Baking ShowThe Breakfast ClubThe Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star

What does it take to lead when your story becomes the story, and the stakes are survival and justice?When you’ve experienced relational trauma or institutional betrayal, as Judith Herman wrote in Trauma and Recovery, “The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness.” But silence protects systems, not survivors.When we do speak up, at best we’re often told to move on, and at worst we might face violent pushback. The stress and fear from the blowback can all too easily silence us and chip away at our integrity and adaptability if we don’t do the important work to address the toll it takes.But when we give ourselves permission to feel the overwhelm, and still take one step forward, we shift from silence into action. Sometimes that step is public and loud. Sometimes it's private and steady. All of it counts. There is no one right way to advocate for change.My guest today did more than just share her story; she used it to create meaningful change in her home state of Texas. In this conversation, we discuss what it means to bear the weight of your trauma while advocating for others, the emotional toll of being a public face for change, and what it looks like to keep showing up, even when the system makes it difficult.Summer Willis is an endurance athlete, advocate, and mother of two who ran 29 marathons in a year to raise awareness for sexual assault survivors. She is the namesake of the Summer Willis Act, landmark consent legislation passed in Texas. Through storytelling, extreme challenges, and her nonprofit Strength Through Strides, she empowers others to turn pain into purpose.Content note: discussion of sexual assaultListen to the full episode to hear:The legal loophole in Texas law that ignited Summer’s drive to turn her worst experience into tangible change for millions of survivorsHow sharing her story and raising awareness and support for the law connected Summer to a wide community of survivors and allies when she was feeling isolatedWhy she decided to run 29 marathons before her 30th birthday while sharing her story, and how that challenge evolved into legislative advocacyHow being an endurance athlete helped Summer through legislative challenges and setbacks to get the Summer Willis Act passedHow Summer is bringing in lightness to her life after sharing her story over and over while trying to pass the billWhy taking the first step and learning along the way are crucial to shaping changeLearn more about Summer Willis:WebsiteStrength Through StridesInstagram: @likesummerwillisLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Judith Lewis Herman MDDr. Dan SiegelTruth and Repair: How Trauma Survivors Envision Justice, Judith Lewis Herman MDCarol GilliganEP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon WattsMoms Demand ActionRAINNNoMore.orgJoyful Heart FoundationHisko HulsingChanel MillerThe Wedding People, Alison EspachTaylor Swift - right where you left mePrime MinisterCobain: Montage of Heck

What do you care about these days? Caring is the currency of leadership, but here’s the paradox: when we care too much about too many things, we can lose sight of the things that truly matter. So the question is: How do you direct your energy toward what you value, without becoming overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things you could care about? The most effective leaders are those who can connect deeply with their teams, foster trust, and create a sense of safety and belonging. They lead with empathy, not just strategy.But perfectionism and overfunctioning can lead us to feel like we need to be everything to everyone, at the expense of our well-being and, ultimately, the quality of our leadership.For many of us, the path to effective leadership begins with finding your enough. When you shift your lens to honoring your enough, you stay connected to your values and to the people and causes that matter most to you, without tipping into exhaustion.My guest today offers a model of what it’s like to care deeply without losing yourself in the process, and of finding joy and community along the way. Ashlee Piper is a sustainability expert, commentator, and speaker whose work has been widely featured on television and in print media. She is the author of Give a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet. and No New Things: A Radically Simple 30-Day Guide to Saving Money, the Planet, and Your Sanity.Piper has spoken at the United Nations,  SXSW, and has a popular TED talk. She is the creator of the #NoNewThings Challenge, for which she received a 2022 Silver Stevie Award for Female Innovator of the Year, and is a professor of sustainability marketing. She holds a BA from Brown University and a master’s degree from the University of Oxford. She lives in Chicago in a home that’s 98 percent secondhand and can often be found singing Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose” at any not-so-fine karaoke establishment.Listen to the full episode to hear:How #NoNewThings grew from a personal 30-day goal to attracting thousands of participants and becoming a bookHow taking a break from consumption helped Ashlee refocus on the values and relationships that matter mostHow marketers game our mental and physical states to sell us things, and a simple way to bring awareness to our own consumption patternsWhy #NoNewThings emphasizes intentionality with purchases over strictly not spendingWhy “sustainable” is the new “natural” and tips for making more informed choicesHow recognizing our “enough” makes space for building community, getting involved, and living our valuesLearn more about Ashlee Piper:WebsiteInstagram: @ashleepiperSubstack: The Ethical EditGive a Sh*t: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet.No New Things: A Radically Simple 30-Day Guide to Saving Money, the Planet, and Your SanityLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel GolemanInterpersonal Neurobiology - Dr. Dan SiegelEP 02: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Dr. Richard SchwartzEP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick SchwartzEP 131: Leadership, Accountability, and the Self: A Special Anniversary Conversation with IFS Founder Richard SchwartzWhy 'Underconsumption' is a wild term - by Ashlee PiperGrandma Gatewood's Walk: The Inspiring Story of the Woman Who Saved the Appalachian Trail, Ben MontgomeryUsher - Hey Daddy (Daddy's Home)Temptation IslandOut of This WorldSmall Wonder

We persist for what matters most—for the people we lead, and the people we love.But persistence can start to feel like just another weight to carry, another demand that drains us. And people are tired. So many of us are balancing caregiving, leadership, advocacy, a constant firehose of urgent crises, and maybe sneaking in some rest. So sure, persistence sounds good, but how do we keep going without flaming out?We learn how to prune our proverbial gardens.Pruning, whether a tomato plant or an out-of-control to-do list, requires focusing on the present so we can remove what no longer serves, while protecting what still has life in it. It’s persistence in action. It’s what keeps us from burning it all down and walking away or from our commitments taking over our lives.Today’s guest offers us a masterclass in persistence. She started small. When resistance showed up, she didn’t just push through. She revisited her vision. She stayed in relationship with mentors and worked in community. And over time, she has built a global movement for disability, visibility, equity, and justice.On today’s 35th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, Tiffany Yu shares a reminder that persistence isn’t about doing it all right away or quitting when it’s too much. It’s about staying focused, refining our vision, and staying connected to supportive people and your mission.Tiffany Yu is the CEO and Founder of Diversability, a 3x TEDx speaker, and the author of The Anti-Ableist Manifesto: Smashing Stereotypes, Forging Change, and Building a Disability-Inclusive World. She started her career at Goldman Sachs and was named to the 2025 Forbes Accessibility 100 List. At the age of 9, Tiffany became disabled as a result of a car accident that also took the life of her father.Listen to the full episode to hear:How the seeds of Tiffany’s disability activism were sown during her time at GeorgetownHow Tiffany’s delayed processing of her grief and trauma impacted her ability to connect with disabled joyWhy it matters that all of us get invested in prioritizing accessibility and inclusion for the disability communityWhy accessibility is about more than just utility and needs to address the wholeness of people with disabilitiesWhat leaders can do now to craft more accessible and inclusive spaces and eventsThe importance of community and using your influence to build bridges in the face of setbacksLearn more about Tiffany Yu:WebsiteDiversabilityInstagram: @imtiffanyyuConnect on LinkedInThe Anti-Ableist Manifesto: Smashing Stereotypes, Forging Change, and Building a Disability-Inclusive WorldLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The Persist NetworkEP 134: Focus, Feel, Forward: Redefining Leadership for the Long Haul with Amanda LitmanJanina FisherDr. Dan SiegelStephen Porges, PhDBest Buddies InternationalStigma FightersMade of MillionsFrancis WellerThe Power of Exclusion | Tiffany Yu | TEDxBethesdaJudith Heumann - Defying Obstacles in "Being Heumann" and "Crip Camp" | The Daily ShowWhat My Bones Know, Stephanie FooBenson Boone - Beautiful ThingsSeveranceSchitt's CreekOppenheimerReading RainbowArthurMister Rogers' NeighborhoodShine Theory: Why Powerful Women Make the Greatest FriendsThe Problem with Positivity | Tiffany Yu | TEDxYouth@CaliforniaHighSchool

How do we lead in the face of fear, when the stakes feel sky high and relentlessly personal?The realities of political violence, hostility, and burnout shape how we show up. And they can chip away at your generous heart, opening the path for cynicism and doubt.But if we can focus on what matters most, feel through our emotions–and help others do the same–and orient our gaze forward to the vision of our lives, work, and world that we want, we create an energy that cynicism can’t easily break down, even through setbacks.We need to protect our hope and conviction that change is possible. The future is not a done deal. We have choices about how it unfolds.In this Unburdened Leader conversation, we explore what it takes to lead with clarity, protect our capacity, and still believe that change is possible, even when everything around us tries to tell us otherwise.Amanda Litman is the cofounder and president of Run for Something, which recruits and supports young, diverse leaders running for local office. Since 2017, they’ve launched the careers of thousands of millennials and Gen Z candidates and in the process, changed what leadership looks like in America. She’s the author of two books: When We’re In Charge: The Next Generation’s Guide to Leadership and Run for Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself, a how-to manual for people running for office.Before launching Run for Something, Amanda worked on multiple presidential and statewide political campaigns. She graduated from Northwestern University and lives in Brooklyn with her husband, two daughters, and their sometimes rowdy dog.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Amanda and the team at Run for Something support candidates in the face of real and present fears for their safetyWhy Gen Z’s refusal to accept “the way things are done” is energy we need Why Amanda believes in the optimism of looking to what is possibleWhy getting involved on the local level is a powerful counter to pessimismThe major disconnect of pop leadership advice with how most people encounter leadershipHow our current moment is making leadership uniquely challenging, isolating, and exhaustingWhy leadership isn’t about being your full self at work, but about responsible authenticityLearn more about Amanda Litman:WebsiteRun for SomethingInstagram: @amandalitmTikTok: @amandalitmanBluesky: @amandalitman.bsky.socialFacebook: @amanda.litmanConnect on LinkedInLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Run for Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System YourselfWhen We're in Charge: The Next Generation's Guide to LeadershipDark WindsAlong Came Amor, Alexis DariaYou Had Me at Hola, Alexis DariaThe Breakfast Club

Nostalgia can be a balm. Especially when we’re in what feels like a never-ending season of upheaval and change, where every time we start to get our footing, something shifts yet again.When we’re in the throes of change–in the liminal space, the in-between, the in-betwixt–we as human beings are neurologically wired to seek out what’s known, to reach for comfort and what feels like home. And nostalgia does that for us. It’s no wonder we look back fondly on simpler times, real or imagined.Because nostalgia isn’t necessarily the truth. And nostalgia doesn’t always serve our growth. Connecting over “Remember when?” can too easily divide us when it becomes a rigid longing for a past that excludes and harms others or ignores painful truths.So many of us are living and leading in the confusion, disorientation, and discomfort of these liminal spaces of change. Which is why I invited today’s guest to join me for a conversation about the pulls of nostalgia, the discomfort of liminal space, and the courage it takes to lead ourselves and others through uncertainty without losing our way.Chris Hoff, PhD, LMFT is a narrative therapist, educator, podcaster, and founder of the California Family Institute. His work explores the intersection of psychotherapy, poststructural theory, and speculative futures. Chris is known for his ability to translate complex ideas into pragmatic tools for clients and clinicians alike. He is the host of The Radical Therapist Podcast and co-editor of An Encyclopedia of Radical Helping. Chris’s teaching, writing, and consulting center the creative, relational, and political dimensions of healing and change.Listen to the full episode to hear:How the concept of liminal space can help us normalize the push-pull of the known and the possibleHow the process of Narrative Therapy can help people reclaim agency and possibility Why building coalitions with shared commitments is vital for making change across our differencesHow intentional scenario planning can help people and organizations see what they need to make the best-case scenario more likelyHow nostalgia can keep us stuck in problematic storylines about the pastLearn more about Chris Hoff, PhD, LMFT:WebsiteCalifornia Family InstituteThe Radical Therapist PodcastLiminal Lab on SubstackInstagram: @drchrishoffYouTube: @drchrishoffAn Encyclopedia of Radical Helping, Erin Segal, Chris Hoff, Julie ChoLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor FranklThe Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients, Irvin YalomNarrative TherapyCollective Cultural Action | The Critical Art EnsembleBeyond Community | Liminal LabTherapy Rocks! | Against Nostalgia | Liminal LabZen at the End of Religion: An Introduction for the Curious, the Skeptical, and the Spiritual But Not Religious, James Ishmael FordPhilosophy for Militants, Alain BadiouThe Years of Theory: Lectures on Modern French Thought, Fredric JamesonThe 1975 - Somebody ElseAndorValley GirlSome Kind of Wonderful

When you hear the word, feedback, what comes up for you?Most of us do not have a neutral relationship with feedback. It’s tangled up with our past experiences, workplace power dynamics, cultural expectations, and–importantly–our early relational wounds.But at its core, feedback is a deeply relational act that has the power to help us unburden rather than re-wound.Which is why it’s so frustrating that feedback in leadership and workplace culture is so often done without care, rendering the process performative, detached, and isolating.Some of the constraints that can hamper authentic feedback in the workplace are necessary and protective, but it feels like we’ve lost the plot for the role and purpose of feedback, and in some cases, have abandoned it altogether.But it is possible to navigate these complex systems intentionally and with clarity. We can make feedback a tool for accountability, care, and growth that helps leaders strengthen their self-awareness and be better advocates for their teams.My guest today helps us unpack how leaders can cultivate a feedback culture that allows for mistakes, growth, and realignment.Therese Huston, Ph.D., is a Cognitive Neuroscientist and Faculty Development Consultant at Seattle University. She was the founding director of the university’s Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning and is now a consultant for its Center for Faculty Development. Her latest book Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science is out now from Mayo Clinic Press.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why how and where feedback is delivered matters just as much for positive feedback as negativeStrategies for making feedback a supportive and generative dialogueWhy it’s critical to allow others space to process your feedback before you start problem solvingHow starting with your authentic positive intentions can make others more receptive to feedbackWhy it’s worth ending the conversation by checking in about their takeawaysHow typical feedback can perpetuate disparities in the workplace, and steps leaders can take to change those dynamicsA tip from Therese’s new book to help manage stress and difficult conversationsLearn more about Therese Huston, Ph.D.:WebsiteTwitter: @ThereseHustonConnect on LinkedInLet's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your SuperpowerSharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain ScienceLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Principles: Life and Work, Ray DalioRadical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, Kim ScottNine Lies about Work: A Freethinking Leader's Guide to the Real World, Marcus Buckingham, Ashley GoodallThe Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, Michael Bungay StanierThanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well Douglas Stone, Sheila HeenThe 90 second life cycle of an emotionLeslie K. JohnPersonality feedback is holding certain groups back – TextioJob Burnout At 66% In 2025, New Study ShowsEP 123: Befriending Your Nervous System: Building Capacity for Regulation with Deb DanaThe Frozen River, Ariel LawhonAdele - SkyfallShrinking

The leaders I work with want to be the kind of leaders who can handle complexity without defaulting to blame, shame, or shutting down.But when visibility and accountability collide with unhealed relational wounding, it doesn’t matter how many books we’ve read or retreats we’ve attended; our bodies remember. And it can feel deeply uncomfortable.Discomfort is part of the gig, though. If we let it, it moves us towards being better humans to ourselves and others. True accountability may not always lead to repair and reconnection, but it is a profoundly relational and humanizing practice led by values, justice, and grace.But when discomfort turns to shame, accountability feels threatening rather than connective. And when we fear accountability and its discomfort, it causes more harm.The work of unburdening is never entirely over, but as Dr. Richard Schwartz reminded me in today’s fifth anniversary conversation, the more unburdened we are, the more accountable we become. The more we desire justice. The more we want to see change. It’s a powerful affirmation of what’s possible when we commit to being Unburdened Leaders.Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He focused on the relationships among these parts and noticed that there were systemic patterns to the way they were organized across clients. He also found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would spontaneously experience the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self. He found that when in that state of Self, clients would know how to heal their parts.A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books and over fifty articles about IFS.Listen to the full episode to hear:How being in Self allows us to act assertively without igniting defensivenessHow IFS can help us maintain our empathy and compassion without burning outThe challenges and risks of the rapid popularization of IFS via social mediaWhy being in Self is a continuum not a binaryWhy Dr. Schwartz has a pep talk with his parts every day, even after decades of doing the workHow he’s navigating increasing media exposure while staying true to his values and IFS principlesHow Self creates a natural desire for accountability in our inner and outer worldsLearn more about Dr. Richard Schwartz:IFS InstituteLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Fear of the unfamiliar is a powerful force. And when it comes to autism, we don’t only have a knowledge problem, we have a courage problem. We’ve all seen or experienced the harm that comes with labels, bullying, and social exclusion. But reflexively protecting ourselves keeps us locked in a cycle of ignoring the need for real education beyond tropes or inspiration porn and keeps us from normalizing the varied needs and supports for autistics instead of perpetuating these supports as burdens or flaws.So, how can we, as leaders, challenge ourselves to create a world where everyone is welcome—even those who don’t fit the mold? We invite autistic voices to the table and platform them in the spaces we live, work, and lead. And we face our fears and discomforts, without getting bogged down with perfectionism and focusing on simply doing the next right thing.When our director of Health and Human Services is using his position to spread narratives about autistic people that are not only inaccurate, but dangerous, we have to embrace and speak up for inclusion. Inclusion isn’t always easy or efficient, but it makes us more prosperous as a community, and courage grows becomes a contagion.Today’s conversation will help you consider how we can move past toxic, dehumanizing views about autistic people and start leading with more compassion and understanding.Eric Garcia is the senior Washington correspondent for The Independent who authors its Inside Washington newsletter. He is also a columnist for MSNBC and the author of We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation. He previously worked at The Washington Post, The Hill, Roll Call, National Journal, and MarketWatch.Meg Raby is an autistic female, children’s author of the My Brother Otto series, Speech Language Pathologist, writer for Scary Mommy and full time employee of the nation’s leading nonprofit in sensory inclusion, KultureCity. At any given moment, Meg is thinking about how to better love on the humans around her and how to create positive change without causing division.Content note: Brief, non-descriptive mentions of suicideListen to the full episode to hear:How the anti-vaccine narrative around autism pulls resources from the actual work of improving outcomes for autistic peopleHow our relational history can intersect with shame and perfectionism to make us fear a neurodivergent diagnosisHow a deficits-based approach limits our ability to envision what a happy, fulfilling life looks like for autistic peopleHow validating what’s often underneath fears about autism can more effectively start conversations that change mindsWhy making spaces neurodivergent affirming is ongoing work, not a checklistLearn more about Eric Garcia:WebsiteTwitter: @EricMGarciaInstagram: @EricMGarcia14We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism ConversationLearn more about Meg Raby Klinghoffer:KultureCityMeg's Work at Scary MommyInstagram: @author.meg.rabyThe My Brother Otto SeriesLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Maintenance Phase: RFK Jr. and The Rise of the Anti-Vaxx MovementMaintenance Phase: RFK Jr. and The Mainstreaming Of The Anti-Vaxx MovementScary Mommy: My Aging Parents Shocked Me By Walking Away From Our Relationship

We often hear the advice, “You just need to find your community.”It sounds simple. Hopeful, even. But it can ring hollow for anyone who has tried to do it, and for those in leadership roles where they carry the additional burdens of responsibility and visibility. And it’s especially fraught advice for anyone who has experienced relational trauma.Because true community isn’t something you stumble into. It has to be built, slowly and intentionally. And it’s often uncomfortable and messy when we’re healing from experiences where reaching for connection resulted in hurt and betrayal.But human beings are wired for connection. We long for it. And we’re more disconnected from each other than ever.The remedy for our loneliness is in the slow, awkward, sacred work of showing up and staying, even through discomfort and disagreement. If we lay foundations of shared dignity and respect, we can build courageously honest relationships and community in those uncomfortable spaces. My guest today joins me to explore the intricate journey of building a true community, one that transcends buzzwords and embraces the courage to be vulnerable and honest, to disagree, repair, and stay genuinely connected.Charles Vogl is an adviser, speaker, and the author of three books, including the international bestseller The Art of Community.His work is used to advise and develop leadership and programs worldwide within organizations including Google, Airbnb, LinkedIn, Twitch, Amazon, ServiceNow, Meetup.com, Wayfair and the US Army.Charles holds an M.Div. from Yale, where he studied spiritual traditions, ethics, and business as a Jesse Ball duPont Foundation scholar.Listen to the full episode to hear:How a seemingly simple ritual of Friday dinners turned Charles’s house into a community hubWhy investing in community building will always require some amount of intention and effortHow Charles’s experiences working for social change shaped his skill for bringing people together around shared purpose and valuesThe difference between true community and what Charles calls “mirage communities”What holds leaders back from creating spaces where real relationships and community can be builtThe importance of “campfire experiences” for developing trust and admirationWhy we need to invite others in, not just announce our plans and hope they show upLearn more about Charles Vogl:WebsiteConnect on LinkedInThe Art of Community: 7 Principles for BelongingLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The loneliest people (and places) in America, Andrew Van Dam | Washington PostMarissa KingCloud Cult - You'll Be Bright

Many things we once widely accepted as true and considered non-controversial galvanize intense debates.Leaders are often advised to stay neutral, to not get political when these issues come up in their organizations.Of course leaders should be mindful of what they discuss, how, and with whom. But that isn’t the same as being apolitical or neutral. In fact, our collective discomfort with being political often has less to do with neutrality and more to do with avoiding discomfort or even silencing conversations outright.When leaders stifle discussions because they fear losing control, that’s not neutrality, that’s avoidance. And avoidance doesn’t make a space safe; it makes it fragile.As leaders of teams from different backgrounds, lived experiences, and viewpoints, it is neither responsible nor possible to be truly neutral. But what we can do is create cultures of openness, generosity, and meaningful discussion. And in a time when science, health, food security, education, and mental well-being are being politicized, it’s essential.In the second part of this series on science communication, my guest is an incredible leader, scientist, and science communicator. She shares critical reflections on what we can do to fight misinformation, regardless of our training and expertise.Jessica Steier, DrPH, PMP is a public health scientist, advocate, science communicator, and Co-Founder and CEO of Unbiased Science. She is driven by a mission to bridge divides and foster trust through empathetic, evidence-based communication. As the founder of the Unbiased Science podcast and newsletter, she is committed to breaking free from echo chambers and tackling health and science literacy with clarity and compassion. Dr. Steier specializes in evaluation science, leveraging data and storytelling to inform health policy and program improvement. Her work focuses on building connections, encouraging dialogue, and making complex scientific concepts accessible to diverse audiences. Listen to the full episode to hear:How pop understandings of science-related buzzwords make communication harderHow Jessica works to account for her own biases when creating contentWhy connection and empathy are key to beginning to break down misinformationHow connection without expertise, especially on social media, creates a flood of misinformationWhy we have to address the roots of people’s mistrust of scientific institutionsHow Jessica and other science communicators are supporting each other through online abuseWhat to watch out for when influencers talk about health and wellnessThe real risks and impacts of some of the most common health misinformationLearn more about Dr. Jessica Steier:Unbiased ScienceUnbiased Science PodcastUnbiased Science NewsletterInstagram: @unbiasedscipodLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Politics, Andrew HeywoodThe Human Condition, Hannah ArendtMarking 50 Years in the Struggle for Democracy | Freedom HouseHow Democracies Die, Daniel Ziblatt , Steven Levitsky​​To combat misinformation, start with connection, not correctionBooster Shots: The Urgent Lessons of Measles and the Uncertain Future of Children's Health, Adam RatnerKendrick Lamar - Not Like UsFringeWeekend at Bernie'sDon't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

The issues at stake—our health, our rights, how we educate our kids—demand a lot from us. Yet, in today’s attention economy, leaders don’t always earn influence through integrity and truth. Instead, they master the art of capturing emotions, feeding fears, and speaking to lived experiences, often amplifying misinformation rather than challenging it.When leaders step into the fight against misinformation, they take on enormous risks and the consequences are very real, from open hostility to verbal abuse to death threats.Staying engaged in these difficult conversations requires more than just knowledge; it demands emotional regulation, capacity for conflict, and self-awareness. This is where unprocessed relational trauma can shape how a leader navigates conflict. But leaders who work through these wounds develop the ability to hold tension without collapsing or attacking. Developing this capacity for conflict is critical today. Because in an era when science is under siege, how we engage in conflict matters just as much as the facts themselves.In the first of two conversations with leaders who model how to engage with critics without feeding the outrage machine, today’s guest shares his approach to tackling conflict and misinformation in science and health spaces, one where we engage with rigor and compassion without bending to the pressures of false equivalence. He understands that courage isn’t about shouting the loudest; it’s about staying grounded in your values, standing firm in the truth, and being authentic and creative in capturing much-coveted attention. Dr. Jonathan N. Stea is a full-time practicing clinical psychologist and an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Calgary. He’s a two-time winner of the University of Calgary’s Award for Excellence in Clinical Supervision and co-editor of the book Investigating Clinical Psychology: Pseudoscience, Fringe Science, and Controversies. Dr. Stea has published extensively, with regular contributions to Scientific American and Psychology Today, among other outlets, and has appeared on numerous mainstream television and radio shows, as well as podcasts. His book, Mind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness Industry, aims to educate and embolden those who wish to make informed decisions about their mental health, to improve science and mental health literacy, and to pull back the curtain on the devastating consequences of allowing pseudoscience promoters to target the vulnerable within our society. Listen to the full episode to hear:How witnessing his mother’s health struggles as a child shaped both Jonathan’s career trajectory and his compassion for those who seek alternative treatmentsWhy testimonials and other anecdotal evidence are actually warning signs of pseudoscienceHow the placebo effect impacts our perception of the effectiveness of alternative curesHow not all grifters have malicious intent, though they can cause significant harmBreaking down common factors that make us susceptible to misinformationHow Jonathan has learned to cope with trolls and challenge pseudoscience with humorLearn more about Dr. Jonathan Stea:WebsiteX: @jonathansteaFacebook: @drjonathansteaInstagram: @dr_jonathan_steaThreads: @dr_jonathan_steaMind the Science NewsletterMind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness IndustryLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Judith Lewis HermanThe Developing Mind How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Daniel J. Siegel The Certainty Illusion, Timothy CaulfieldKyuss - Demon CleanerApple Cider VinegarSpaceballs

Given our political situation in the United States, you may be hearing a lot of people–myself included–talk about living your values. Not just professing them, but really living them, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s hard work that requires a lot of internal fortitude.But we so often default to acting against our values in order to protect ourselves and those we love from real or perceived danger–to our jobs, our reputations, dignity, physical safety, and more. We try to protect ourselves with compliance, while our silence does real harm to others.Those who have a history of relational trauma are especially likely to fear speaking up, even as they know their values and moral expectations are being violated. This collision of relational trauma with moral injury reinforces beliefs that the world is unsafe and that people in power cannot be trusted.My guest today is a survivor of abuse and cultish communities. She leans on her experiences of relational trauma and moral injury in her writing, teaching, and advocacy. The ongoing healing of her relational and betrayal wounds allows her to lead with courage and clarity, especially when it is not easy or convenient.Jamie Marich, Ph.D. (she/they) speaks internationally on EMDR therapy, trauma, addiction, dissociation, expressive arts, yoga, and mindfulness. They also run a private practice and online training network in their home base of Akron, OH. Marich has written numerous books, notably Trauma and the 12 Steps: An Inclusive Guide to Recovery and Dissociation Made Simple: A Stigma-Free Guide to Embracing Your Dissociative Mind and Navigating Life. She has won numerous awards for LGBT+ and mental health advocacy, specifically in reducing stigma around dissociative disorders through the sharing of her own lived experience.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Jamie learned to have more compassion for her mother as the bystander in the course of writing her memoirHow asking can I make a change here? can aid in deciding when and how to speak upHow binary judgments of healthy or unhealthy, healed or unhealed devalue the lifelong journey and process of healingHow to deflate your own judgments about where others are in their own journeysWhy leaders in health and wellness spaces need to be wary of one true way thinkingHow Jamie unpacked the concept of forgiveness from her religious childhood and made space for compassion and letting goHow growing up pretending everything was fine made Jamie value authenticity more fiercely as an adultLearn more about Dr. Jamie Marich:WebsiteRedefine TherapyThe Institute for Creative MindfulnessInstagram: @drjamiem, @traumatherapistrants TikTok: @traumatherapistrantsYouTube: @DrJamieMMYou Lied to Me About GodLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Hidden Brain | Marching to Your Own Drummer with Sunita SahJonathan Shay, MD, PhDFrancine ShapiroNo Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model, Richard Schwartz Ph.D.The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World, Desmond Tutu and Mpho TutuEMDR Made Simple: 4 Approaches to Using EMDR with Every Client, Jamie MarichHarvey MilkParable of the Sower, Octavia E ButlerI'm Not That GirlWickedRainbow BriteCats

In Twelve Step programs, the first step, as I understand it, is recognizing that we are powerless to heal alone.We cannot overcome addiction, trauma, or systemic oppression through sheer willpower or individual effort. Healing, recovery, and meaningful change require connection, support, and systems that foster growth.All true! But we should not make a virtue out of being powerless.Recognizing what is beyond your ability isn’t the same as accepting that you are powerless to change. Powerlessness is, in fact, a protective response that disconnects us from our personal power.When we conflate protection with powerlessness, we risk internalizing the very dynamics that keep us trapped in authoritarian systems—whether in families, partnerships, workplaces, faith communities, or governments.Power-over systems create environments where speaking up feels dangerous, where challenging authority risks humiliation or exile. But no matter the system or oppression, we always retain what Right Use of Power methodology calls our personal power. And that’s precisely why authoritarian structures work so hard to make us feel otherwise.Owning your personal power in an authoritarian system requires deep, intentional work. And we cannot do it alone.My guest today will introduce you to the types of power in the Right Use of Power framework and help you reconnect with your personal power so that you can stand firm and do hard, scary, necessary things.Dr. Amanda Aguilera currently serves as the Executive Director of the Right Use of Power Institute and a Trusted Advisor at The Ally Co. She has dedicated most of her career to helping people and organizations understand systems, conflict, and social power dynamics to create right relationship and a sense of belonging. She has a knack for making difficult conversations easier, complex ideas more accessible, and resistance more workable. Integrating power, contemplative practices, neurobiology, and restorative practices, she works by finding a balance of head and heart and facilitating the co-creation of strategic maps that lead us forward in a more equitable way.Listen to the full episode to hear:How the Right Use of Power framework gave Amanda language to understand and articulate powerWhy power itself is fundamentally neutralHow Right Use of Power reframes power as a dynamic and not a possessionBreaking down the six types of power from personal to universalWhy direct challenges to status power are so often destabilizing How undeveloped personal power leads people to do harm with their role and status powerWhy we have to become aware of how power exists in our relationshipsHow developing our personal power helps us to participate in the collective power that can actually challenge systemsHow leaders can foster healthy power differential relationshipsLearn more about Dr. Amanda Aguilera:Right Use of Power InstituteInstagram: @rightuseofpowerinstituteLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar BarstowEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDBreathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps, Richard RohrAll About Love, bell hooksMarie BeechamAlt National Park ServiceFalling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls, Kai Cheng ThomIndigo Girls - Closer to FinePoseThe Karate Kid Star Wars

Toxic leadership stems from the burdens of unresolved trauma and difficult life experiences. When you don’t do the work to regulate your nervous system, the parts of you that protect you through mico-managing, shaming, blaming, not trusting anyone, or worse will eventually wreak havoc on your career, those you lead, and your own capacity for discomfort.So, what does it look like for you to commit to doing the work?Maybe you go to therapy or coaching, or adopt practices to deepen your self-awareness and reflection. The trouble is, “doing the work” can easily turn into navel-gazing or intellectualizing. The same tools that might help you unburden can also be used to numb out. We so often are sold the idea that we will overcome and be done with it that we bypass doing the real, deep, lifelong work.Today’s guest illustrates–literally–what it looks and feels like to commit to doing powerful work. Her gorgeous new graphic novel, Past Tense, shares her windy and beautiful journey of doing the work through the lens of Internal Family Systems.Sacha Mardou was born in Macclesfield in 1975 and grew up in Manchester, England. She began making comics after getting her BA in English Literature from the University of Wales, Lampeter. Her critically acclaimed graphic novel series, Sky in Stereo, was named an outstanding comic of 2015 by the Village Voice and shortlisted for the 2016 Slate Studio Prize.Since 2019 she has been making comics about therapy and healing. Her graphic memoir Past Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in Therapy is out now. Since 2005 she has lived in St Louis, Missouri with her cartoonist husband Ted May, their daughter and two disruptive cats.Listen to the full episode to hear:How going to therapy for what she thought was just anxiety became a journey of unpacking her past How her therapist helped her “correct the picture” she’d been holding of people and events of her childhoodHow Sacha adapted her private sketched therapy notes into the comics she shares publiclyHow working with IFS to process her childhood has impacted her present-day relationshipsHow the IFS process has helped Sacha recast her difficult experiences as gifts and strengths and her story as valuableHow Sacha approached writing her book wholeheartedly, while still protecting her boundariesLearn more about Sacha Mardou:WebsitePast Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in TherapyInstagram: @mardou_drawsFacebook: @sachamardouLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Family Secrets with Dani ShapiroEP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick SchwartzEP 101: Transforming the Legacy Burdens from Relational Trauma with Deran YoungCompassion Prison ProjectCece Sykes LCSWRalph De La Rosa, LCSWDoris LessingEric MaiselElizabeth GilbertSitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Disabled Body, Rebekah TaussigLove Is a Burning Thing, Nina St. PierreTeenage Fanclub - Mellow DoubtThe FranchiseThe Office

These days, the call for leaders to be adaptable, agile, flexible, clear, focused, and calm could lead many to think it's not okay to feel or that you need to be a robot.We minimize our feelings and put on a brave face until we can no longer fake it, sometimes in the name of being “regulated.”When there's a trend in language or an approach to healing, it can sometimes be reductive in how it's taught, explained, or understood. Concepts drawn from Polyvagal Theory, like regulation and activation, are no exception.How some talk about regulation and dysregulation can create pressure to diminish our humanity so that we don't emote, and cause us to criticize someone if they're upset.In reality, Polyvagal Theory offers a powerful addition to your toolbox for leading yourself and others well while staying aligned with your values. When we work towards helping our nervous systems become more agile and adaptable by putting in the reps and working to understand our systems and our stories, we can offer those we love and lead a greater sense of curiosity, compassion, and connection. And we will have enough boundaries and guardrails to know when to tap out, take a break, and ask for help.Today’s guest teaches and discusses these topics so that we can learn to regulate our nervous systems better and connect better with others. Deb Dana, LCSW, is a clinician, consultant, author, and international lecturer on polyvagal theory-informed work with trauma survivors and is the leading translator of this scientific work to the public and mental health professionals. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and creator of the signature Rhythm of Regulation® clinical training series.Deb's work shows us how understanding polyvagal theory applies across the board to relationships, mental health, and trauma. She delves into the intricacies of how we can all use and understand the organizing principles of polyvagal theory to change the ways we navigate our daily lives. Listen to the full episode to hear:Why regulation is not a static state but an ongoing dynamic experience How understanding the subconscious survival responses of the nervous system under stress can help us learn to regulate and repairWhy we can’t discount or dismiss the messages our survival responses are trying to give usHow even micro-moments of responding to our nervous systems’ needs can create changeHow building capacity to resourcing regulation increases our capacity to sit with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the worldHow leaders can use Polyvagal Theory concepts to create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they leadLearn more about Deb Dana:Rhythm of RegulationLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Stephen PorgesThe Nightingale, Kristin HannahBlue: The History of a Color, Michel PastoureauCéline Dion, Andrea Bocelli - The PrayerHalloween Baking ChampionshipHoliday Baking ChampionshipThe Great British Baking Show

I know I’m not alone in feeling like 2024 was a year. So many of us are still working through everything that happened as we wonder exactly what lies ahead.As part of that reflection on the year past and preparing for the year ahead, long-time listeners may know that I am a big believer in debriefing. I debrief weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually, and each year, I share my annual debrief with you.This debrief includes personal reflections about events in my life, how my words of the year brought some interesting data to light and guided my actions, and themes about what’s working and what’s not working as we begin the new year. Content note: Discussion of death by suicideListen to the full episode to hear:How my words of the year–rhythm and reps–challenged some of my deeply engrained habits and unrealistic expectationsHow a series of events in my personal life led to shifts in my rhythms and reps and deeper healingWhat 35 tomato plants taught me about priorities and planningWisdom that stuck with me from live talks by Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne LamottExperiences that brought me joy last year and why joy is essential to doing the hard work aheadManaging anger and outrage in our political climate through curiosity and healing, unburdened leadershipLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Writer's Symposium by the SeaEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDElizabeth GilbertRedwoodAnne LamottConclaveRenttick, tick…BOOM!The Artist's Way, Julia CameronReal Fun, Wow!Brené BrownVirgin RiverThe OfficeParks and RecBrooklyn Nine-NineCommunityThe DiplomatLionessTimothy SnyderEP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly DielsKelly DielsFinding Mercy in Impossible Times (Father Gregory Boyle) | Pulling the Thread with Elise LoehnenFather Gregory BoyleEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyEP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women’s Anger with Soraya ChemalyRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyThe Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma, Soraya ChemalyEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott ShigeokaEP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon WattsMoms Demand ActionHow Leadership Styles Will Change in 2025

As I’ve been reflecting on the past year, themes of relational trauma, betrayal trauma, and shame have come up again and again in our culture at large and in the work I do with leaders.Relational and betrayal traumas disrupt our ability to trust—ourselves, others, and even the world around us. These wounds often linger in ways we don’t fully see. They impact how we navigate relationships, handle conflict, and lead ourselves and others.And far, far too often, these unaddressed, unhealed traumas beget shame. Shame is one of the most destructive forces in leadership and relationships.When leaders operate out of shame, it’s volatile and dangerous. It hurts both those who wield it and those who experience it. Healing shame requires sharing our pain with those who have earned the right to hear our stories—those who can hold space for us with compassion, accountability, and empathy.Empathy is the antidote to shame, and it’s also what transforms leadership. Leaders who can navigate challenges with compassion, even under immense pressure, create trust, relational resilience, and growth environments.In today’s replay of my conversation with Dr. Frank Anderson, he reminds us that healing isn’t just personal—it’s deeply relational. He also offers the provocative idea that we all have the capacity to be healers and the capacity to harm.When we commit to healing, we reclaim our ability to lead with clarity, compassion, and courage.Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker, and trauma specialist who’s spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS therapy model. His published work spans contributions to literature and training for a clinical audience and works accessible to the general public.Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why it was so important for Frank to tell his story from a place of healing and love, even for the people who hurt him the mostHow releasing fear, anger, and shame makes space for forgiveness, healing, and loveWhy forgiveness and relational healing can only come after processing and releasing the trauma of what happened within yourselfWhy Frank says that healing is possible, but we’re never done healingHow holding onto divisive binary thinking harms all of us and keeps our culture from healingHow holding space with love and empathy can help people acknowledge what happened and accept accountabilityHow unprocessed trauma causes us to repeat toxic patterns in our livesLearn more about Frank Anderson, MD:WebsiteInstagram: @frank_andersonmdFacebook: @mdfrankandersonConnect on LinkedInTo Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and TransformationTranscending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family SystemsLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyOpen Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, Tammy NelsonConan Gray - HeatherP!NK - TRUSTFALLFellow Travelers