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© Adam Hurrey & Goalhanger
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Deconstructing the gloriously unique language of football – the words, the phrases and the tiny things you didn't think you cared about – with Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare & David Walker.
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241 Episodes
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1Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are Gary Neville's preoccupation with a specific touch of the ball before a shot, the best way to really enjoy an uninterrupted hour of Sky Sports News, the awkwardness of fans sat behind corner takers and a staunch defence of pundits’ right to state the obvious.
Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel try to decipher an Arsene Wenger sample in avant-garde music and enjoy a former Premier League defender's name popping up at the Cyclocross World Cup.
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a quickfire review of Arsenal 2 Manchester United 3, unacceptably-named Premier League top scorers in football-adjacent Danny Dyer film trailers, the prospect of an FA Cup "anthem", 12.1 seconds of a commentator not realising a team have scored and unexpected ex-Prime Ministers in the Kenyan fifth division.
Meanwhile, the panel speculate on how a mundane, single-goal, mid-table game could get itself first in the Match of the Day running order.
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a familiar name pops up at the Australian Open, Arsene Wenger's "daylight" offside law to be trialled in the Canadian Premier League, what things might be on the curriculum of "Football 101", whether the relentless, scoreline-proof chanting of Bundesliga fans gets too much praise, a charming social-media dispute about the technicalities of hat-tricks and New York mayor Zohran Mamdani shows off his Premier League knowledge once again.
Meanwhile, the podcast has an extended chat with Lisa Barros D’Sa and Glenn Leyburn, directors of new film Saipan, and Éanna Hardwicke, who plays the leading role of Roy Keane.
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the unifying absurdity that was the Africa Cup of Nations final, whether Spurs vs West Ham's "El Dissatisfactico" is the worst of its genre yet, an unexpected Premier League striker's name in a ghost story, the least satisfying FA Cup draw combinations, one Arsene Wenger tweak to the laws of football that might have some appeal, and footballing body language at bus stops.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder the quickest and easiest way a mere civilian could win a foul in a Premier League match.
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It’s the final outing of the winter for Cricket Cliches, the first branch line of the Cliches network, and there’s an end of term feeling as the full team assembles to see us home.
We’ve got egregious commentary and a hierarchy of acceptable ways to get out before we get all ASMR and dig into some of your favourite sounds from cricket.
And, of course… of course, there’s another dip into the murky, and surprisingly expansive, world of shadow cricket. It’s very much not just batting.
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Shane Todd on post-save goalkeeper emotions & professional footballer-botherer Rio Ferdinand
The pod welcomes comedian and presenter Shane Todd for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.
Among Shane's selections are 5-a-side games with fellow comedians, performatively angry post-save goalkeepers, Rio Ferdinand's uncategorisable current line of work, pre-internet transfer news and our collective curiosity with the day jobs of non-league FA Cup heroes.
Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy a tiny slice of pure Pep Guardiola, and hear a charmingly naive football reference in ice hockey commentary.
Shane Todd is off on tour in 2026 with his new show Hold Me Back. Tickets available at ShaneToddComedy.com
Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a minor technicality with Cup-upset measuring, the size of the chunk of Antoine Semenyo's fee he had paid back, Scott McTominay's many nicknames, an unacceptable phrase for a team bottom of the table, a four-way footballing dilemma you have absolutely never considered before and Arsenal flops' names in Bruce Springsteen duets,
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Manchester United's legacy machine cranks into gear again, some confusion over the pronunication of Chelsea's new manager, a familiar sound in a mid-90s wrestling arcade game, unlikely common ground between River Plate and Coronation Street's Ken Barlow, a teacher breaks some football news to his class of Year 8s and a relatively deep data dive into Richard Keys’ lesser-known catchphrase.
Meanwhile, the panel decide the level of football at which they would simply be a hindrance to their team at right-back.
Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a whistle-stop tour of the media reaction to Chelsea and Manchester United's managerial upheaval, the Premier League finally unleashes its video archive, Eddie Howe queries the "onslaught" threshold, some quintessential West Hamming, some unprecedented co-commentary homework, hyperlocal derby technicalities, and Richard Keys kicking off his 2026 with an absolute bang.
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The fifth outing for the Cricket Cliches crew but are they now set? And what does that mean, anyway?
The shadow batting debate intensifies as we enter the second innings; Tickers (and most of the audience) are on #TeamGallen and we’re all checking on our sanity with Internal Athers.
There could only be one topic at the centre of our conversation; it’s the strip at the centre of the game. Was the pitch at Melbourne a snake-pit or a minefield, or something else entirely, and is ‘curator’ a bit much for the bloke who cuts the grass?
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the freescoring Dominic Calvert-Lewin passes a very particular threshold, Match of the Day exceeds its goalkeeper pundit quota, Joe Cole somehow morphs into Harry Redknapp on the radio, Michael B Jordan renames AFC Bournemouth, absurd salary-cap developments in the USA... and a tree with Richard Keys's voice.
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While England self-immolate, Cricket Cliches maintains its admittedly modest run of form in our fourth outing. Aussie commentators Aaron Finch and Adam Gilchrist are taken to task as they play fast and loose… with words.
Picking up where we left off with the classification of lower-order runs, we think about the individuals doing the damage. Do you know which end of the bat to hold? Seems like the bare minimum.
And, with the help of an impressively-named correspondent, we compare the yin and yang of watching cricket when your team is either batting or bowling.
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Every football pundit ever, condensed into one approximated voice; accidental nursery rhymes in Champions League commentary; last-gasp Cliches Quiz drama; red-card timekeeping technicalities; "Hawk on!", Niclas Fullkrug’s oddly awe-inspiring forehead; Richard Keys and a legendary two-hour livestream; a man called Rudi Voller; solving one of the greatest football TV mysteries of all time; Tom Cruise’s Champions League final punditry; The Agyemang Cacophony; football’s increasingly ludicrous uses of the word “amid”; the Match of the Day intro scandal; Jamie O’Hara vs the RAF, the "Club X til I die" loophole; homegrown stewards and some retro Andy Gray perfection.
As Football Clichés showcases the podcast's very best moments of 2025, our thanks to everyone for listening, contributing, subscribing and live-show attending. Bring on 2026...
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Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.
Among the selections are players whose name-based chants sound like they're being booed, the layout of seven-goal thrillers on score apps, the flimsy logic of “but they still had 11 internationals out there” and the unsatisfying spectacle of waiting for a ball to reach the edge of the D in 5-a-side.
Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy a superb tweet-and-blog salvo from Richard Keys.
Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the media wrestles with what to call the derby between Sunderland and Newcastle, bafflingly-transcribed football chants in match reports, whether both teams can have their "tails up" in quick succession, Harry Wilson and the "human after all" threshold, a football cliché uttered in UK parliament for the very first time and David Moyes not enjoying a wacky question.
The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All profits will go to Shelter.
Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches
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The Ashes are basically done and dusted after England’s pink ball capitulation. Time for the third session of Cricket Cliches, but is it a tricky little one?
Stokes and Baz have been facing the media, maybe the toughest test of all. Is there anything they can say that will help? Don’t think so, champ.
What we need is another way to bring a bit of levity to proceedings. No disingenuous protests here, there’s really nothing funnier than a man getting hit in the balls.
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: England's March "send-off" to the World Cup, Clive Tyldesley commentary intonations in Sky Atlantic trailers, a brave radio reporter subverts the “turned provider” classic, some very unthreatening hooligans in a BBC radio drama and Richard Keys’s news in brief.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder the "famous old club" threshold and speculate on what would actually happen if Arsenal defender Gabriel just couldn't stop scoring own goals.
The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.
Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
Visit MedExpress.co.uk to check your eligibility and get 30% off with code CLICHES
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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a review of the World Cup draw ceremony, forecasting the nation's TV viewing habits next summer, why Mohamed Salah chose the wrong time and place for his seismic outburst, a dubious recipent of the "bagsman" honour and Dion Dublin invents a new variation on the proverbial goalscoring diet.
The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.
Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Richarlison’s claims to a niche world record, whether you can "grind out" a 5-4 win, the most "X years of age" age, the latest elite-level mannerism to trickle down to the grassroots, some 24-carat Andy Gray co-commentary gold and much more.
Meanwhile, the panel ponder the likeliest circumstances in which Erling Haaland would ever find himself playing in League One.
The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.
Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A commentator’s curse turns into a mini-saga with no winners, League Two stadium names in viral, overpriced New York delis, Saudi Pro league expert Lee Hendrie invents a new word, the best opposition for Mexico in the opening game at the World Cup, Ben Chilwell on 19th-century Alsatian architecture, some very funny content about Ipswich stewards, and Richard Keys casually slandering the 2019 PFA Player of the Year.
Meanwhile, the panel pick apart some tactically implausible fake football commentary in the background on EastEnders.
The interactive Football Cliches Christmas Quiz is streaming live on December 28th — sign up at footballcliches.com/xmas to take part, with £250 the prize for the winning quizzer. All money raised will go to Shelter.
Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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That was NOT Norwegian, it was Danish!
This was excellent, best MHD in months. Definitely checking out the Screen Rot podcast today. Mind you, one of them sounded very much like Adam!
The quizzes are exceptional.
What’s with Charlie’s new weird smuggy mcsmuggerson laugh?
how long after being struck can the cross still shake for? Sam Matterface said it nearly 2 mins after a shot hit the bar tonight.
The Rolls Royce of Football podcasts.
cometh the hour