A Millennial Mind

Why do some relationships feel safe and easy, while others leave you constantly overthinking? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Amir Levine, psychiatrist, neuroscientist and bestselling author of Attached and his new book, Secure. We talk about the four attachment styles and why your style isn't something to heal from. It's a biology you can learn to work with. The little everyday moments are what actually rewire your brain to feel safer in love, friendship and family. We talk about: The four attachment styles, and why you can have a different one with every person in your life The smoke experiment that shows the hidden strengths of anxious and avoidant people Why tiny everyday interactions matter more than big therapy breakthroughs The five pillars of a secure life, and how to show up for people even when life is full Why one partner can't be everything, and how to build your "secure village" The three pitfalls avoidants fall into, and the simple fixes that save relationships "Wall tennis with love," a tool for anxious people in one-sided friendships Why parents have far less influence on your adult attachment style than you've been told How anxious attachment can be a superpower when you learn to use it If you've ever blamed yourself for being "too much" or "too distant," this conversation will change how you see yourself and the people you love. Subscribe and turn on notifications so you don't miss the next one; it genuinely helps me bring on more incredible guests. AD: In England, we’re using water faster than nature can replace it, and in Wales, wetter winters and drier summers are putting pressure on the water supply. We often use more than we realise, we don't need massive lifestyle changes to change these stats. Everyday ways to save water:• Cut your shower by two minutes to save 28L• Use a washing up bowl instead of a running tap tosave 10L per minute• Fix a leaky loo to save up to 400L a day• Use eco-mode on appliances to save 10L per washSearch “Let’s Save Water” or visit letssavewater.com to see what small changes you could make and maybe have a chat with your friends and family about this too. #AMillennialMind #AttachmentStyles #Relationships Chapters 00:00 Intro: why some relationships leave you overthinking 02:26 Welcome, Dr. Amir Levine 02:49 Why he wrote Attached and Secure 03:40 The four attachment styles explained 06:03 Different attachment styles with different people 07:59 Is being secure the goal? 08:30 The smoke experiment: hidden strengths of each style 10:50 Why the little moments matter most 13:43 When our first recording fell apart 18:43 Why attachment is a daily practice 20:15 What if your partner isn't secure? 22:46 Why different people support us in different ways 24:53 Turning "insecure" traits into strengths 26:55 Why we expect friends to be everything 28:42 When friendships drift apart 30:31 The five pillars of a secure life 33:25 The small thank-yous that make us secure 35:27 A loyalty program for relationships 36:15 How the human brain actually feels safe 37:37 The health benefits of feeling connected 39:39 Stop villainising avoidants 40:56 Avoidant pitfall #1: "Heal thyself" 42:53 Avoidant pitfall #2: breaking the baseline 46:09 Are you avoidant in your friendships? 47:03 Why teenagers pull away from parents 49:58 Avoidant pitfall #3: closeness overdose 53:23 How do I raise a secure child? 55:36 Sleep training, breastfeeding and attachment myths 57:44 Anxious baby vs anxious attachment 58:46 Attachment ingenuity: staying connected your way 1:00:29 How to handle an anxious friend 1:01:15 Wall tennis with love 1:04:14 When the other person isn't doing the work 1:07:54 What shapes the other 90% of your attachment style 1:08:21 What worms and dogs teach us about closeness 1:10:04 Why secure people don't overthink it 1:10:49 Anxious attachment as a superpower 1:12:34 The adopted sisters story 1:14:16 When your strengths become your swords 1:14:56 What he wants you to believe about yourself 1:15:36 Final thoughts 🔔 Subscribe for more discussions on mental health, personal growth, and healing! / @shivanipaupodcast ✨ Connect with Millennial Mind ✨ Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amillennialmind Shivani Pau Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shivani.pau Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/shivanipaupodcast Performance Planner: https://my-performance-planner.myshopify.com/ Let Me Change Your Mind 🧠 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can you actually have it all, or is that the exact belief that's making you feel like you're failing? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa, a double board-certified plastic surgeon, mom of three, and the internet's most unfiltered voice on modern motherhood. We get into the myth of doing it all, the impossible standards placed on working parents, and why the "good mom" checklist most of us are measuring ourselves against was never built for the life we're actually living. We talk about: Her definition of being a good mom, and why she refuses to be graded on how she cuts a cucumber Going into labor in the middle of surgery, and the brutal reality of maternity leave in medicine Being mistreated at work while pregnant, and why she wishes she'd stood up for herself sooner Meeting her husband and being radically honest about her goals from date one Why the burden of self-sacrifice still falls on mothers, and what it actually takes to change that at home Quality time versus quantity of time, and what she learned from watching her own parents The soccer game she missed and the conversation that came out of it Why women get judged for having help, and what her husband says when she spirals about it If you've ever felt guilty for wanting a career and a family, or like you're constantly being judged no matter what you choose, this conversation will change how you see it. Subscribe and turn on notifications so you don't miss the next one; it genuinely helps me bring on more incredible guests. Follow Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa: [add her @drdhivyasrinivasa / https://avarawell.com/] #AMillennialMind #MomGuilt #WorkingMom 00:00 Intro: the pressure to be a good mom02:27 Welcome, Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa03:10 Who is Dhivya?04:17 What actually makes a "good mom"?06:43 The fake metrics we judge parents by09:16 The guilt of wanting to work21:14 Going into labor in the operating room26:15 Maternity leave in medicine is brutal28:20 Mistreated at work while pregnant37:21 Meeting her husband: radical honesty on date one43:29 Why alignment matters more than perfection45:55 Men, self-sacrifice, and equal parenting55:12 Quality time vs. quantity of time1:00:20 Reacting to viral "you have to be in the office" takes1:04:36 The miseducation of sons1:11:24 Confidence modeled by her parents1:13:46 Dealing with mom guilt: the soccer game story1:19:39 Feeling misunderstood as a parent1:21:13 Advice for women judged by their mom or mother-in-law1:28:44 Hiring help and letting go of the guilt1:30:57 Why women get judged for having nannies1:34:18 Her husband's take: "let's just get the help"1:40:26 Next episode preview: attachment styles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On this weeks episode I am joined by Gabby Bernstein, New York Times best-selling author of 11 books and one of the most influential voices in personal growth and spirituality, joins us to unpack limiting beliefs, trauma, and what it actually takes to rebuild trust in yourself. We talk about why manifesting fails for so many people (hint: it's not the vision board), the 4-step process Gabby uses to heal a limiting belief in real time, how she healed from addiction and childhood trauma, and how she's applying everything she's learned to parenting her son. We also get into friendships in your 30s, setting boundaries without guilt, and why willingness, not certainty, is the real starting point for change. If you've ever felt stuck but couldn't articulate why, this episode is for you. Gabby's book Self-Help is referenced throughout this conversation. Her new book, Unshakeable Faith, is coming soon. ⏱ Timestamps: 00:00 Opening 01:25 Meet Gabby Bernstein 02:25 Welcome & why this topic 03:26 How to start when you feel stuck 05:36 Willingness to heal: opening the door 07:44 Manifesting needs follow-through, not just belief 08:53 Recognising your own core beliefs 11:39 The 4 steps to healing a limiting belief 15:17 How Gabby met her husband 18:14 Gabby's story: addiction and healing 20:41 Healing after loss and grief 22:53 Solitude, fellowship and community 24:06 Friendships in your 30s 29:45 Working through "I can't trust people" 31:54 Relief and sadness in recognising your patterns 33:40 Dissociation and remembering trauma 35:18 Parenting through personal development 39:17 Becoming your own inner parent 40:22 Finding a partner who respects your journey 41:14 Practising patience with yourself and others 42:20 Trauma vs. limiting beliefs 43:32 Understanding your protector parts 44:51 Why manifesting doesn't work for most people 46:57 Overcoming fear of confronting your patterns 48:17 What is self energy? 49:36 You can't force someone else to change 52:27 Setting boundaries without guilt 53:22 Self-forgiveness and daily practices 54:36 Trusting the universe and faith 56:49 Closing & where to see Gabby next 🔔 Subscribe for more discussions on mental health, personal growth, and healing! / @shivanipaupodcast ✨ Connect with Millennial Mind ✨ Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amillennialmind Shivani Pau Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shivani.pau Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/shivanipaupodcast Performance Planner: https://my-performance-planner.myshopify.com/ Let Me Change Your Mind 🧠 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can you prepare for a life you’ve never lived before? In this deeply personal solo episode of A Millennial Mind, I share how I’m preparing for motherhood while trying to protect something I’ve spent the last six years building: my podcast, my work and a part of my identity. I’m walking you through the exact framework I’ve used to prepare for a season where my time, energy and priorities are about to change from setting realistic deadlines and building in a buffer, to defining non-negotiables, systemising my work and learning to let go of perfection. But this isn’t just about pregnancy. It’s about preparing for any season of life where you know you won’t have the same time, energy or capacity you once did. If you’re entering a new chapter, building a business, navigating motherhood, moving, recovering from burnout or simply trying to make space for what matters most, I hope this episode reminds you that you don’t have to do everything perfectly. You just have to decide what matters most and do your best. In this episode: • Preparing your life for a major transition • The reality of becoming a mother • Matrescence and changing identity • How I’m preparing A Millennial Mind for motherhood • Why consistency matters more than perfection • The 4-step framework I’m using • Setting deadlines and building buffers • Defining your non-negotiables • Systemising and batch-recording your work • Learning what to keep and what to let go • Giving yourself grace when things don’t go to plan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the heartbreak that broke you was actually the beginning of becoming who you were always meant to be? In this episode I sit down with spiritual teacher and author  ⁨@SaharaRose⁩  for a deeply personal conversation about betrayal, heartbreak, identity and what she calls the “dark night of the soul.” Sahara opens up about the night her then-husband confessed he had been unfaithful throughout their relationship and how that discovery completely dismantled the life and identity she thought she knew. We explore why heartbreak can feel like losing yourself, the “good girl” conditioning that teaches women to find validation through relationships, and why healing isn't about rushing to become happy again. Sahara shares the Triple E Method Emote, Embody and Express that she developed while navigating the darkest period of her life. We also unpack why love alone isn't always enough to sustain a relationship, choosing yourself after betrayal, celibacy after heartbreak, feminine energy, Dharma, rebuilding trust in your intuition and the powerful ritual Sahara used to hold a “funeral” for her former self. If you're going through heartbreak, betrayal, a breakup or simply a chapter where you no longer recognise yourself, this conversation is a reminder that losing the life you knew can sometimes create space for a life you couldn't yet imagine. In this episode: • Sahara's experience of discovering infidelity • What the “dark night of the soul” really means • Why women can lose their identity in relationships • The psychology of heartbreak and attachment • Why love isn't always enough • The Triple E Method for processing difficult emotions • Why Sahara chose celibacy for 2.5 years • Finding yourself instead of searching for another relationship • Sacred feminine vs masculine energy • Breaking “good girl” conditioning • The funeral of your former self • Rebuilding trust in your intuition • Practical ways to rediscover yourself after heartbreak Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices