The Lonely Clam

In this final Lonely Clam of the season, I reflect on this past year with both fondness and horror. Twenty-nine feels like “crawling out of the depths of the earth” as Kalika would say. I share what healing has reached me, and where it has just begun. *Read this in that deep dramatic Morgan Freeman style movie trailer voice*00:23 Reflecting on Personal Growth and Healing04:09 Family Relationships and Healing05:00 Sibling Dynamics and Loss13:19 Mother-Daughter Relationship Challenges14:09 Father-Daughter Relationship Healing19:01 Navigating Grief and Loss20:18 Friendship and Self-Acceptance21:28 Romantic Relationships and Self-Discovery24:01 Financial Struggles and Lessons31:29 Taking Control of My Life31:46 Building My Own Security32:36 The Importance of Good Credit33:29 Reflecting on My Birthday34:36 Understanding Saturn Return36:29 Navigating Major Life Changes43:12 Creating My Happiness Project52:10 Facing My Deep-Rooted Beliefs59:50 Preparing for a Big Move01:04:49 Concluding Thoughts and Future Plans

In this Clam Slam episode, we explore all that is my mentor, Shar. She has taught me so much about what it truly means to be an independent, empowering woman, and I’m excited to share her story with you. Shar opens up in the classic Clam way—with humor and raw authenticity. She talks about her marriage, divorce, navigating traumatic relationships, motherhood, and being the breadwinner for her family. We also explore the significant differences between being a working woman in today’s office culture versus that of her early 20's. I hope my audience can take something from her stories and life, just as I have. 00:17 Introducing Shar: A Mentor and Friend 01:40 Shar's Influence and Resilience 03:42 Dedication to the Women in My Life 04:43 Meeting Shar: The Beginning of a Friendship 05:04 Podcasting and Helping Others 05:30 Shar: A Personal Introduction 09:02 The Dark Humor Bond 11:51 Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth 21:49 Core Memories and Financial Security 23:55 Marriage and Early Red Flags 27:59 Wedding Night and Early Marriage Challenges 32:42 Postpartum Depression and Emotional Support 35:48 Divorce and Co-Parenting Realities 37:33 Realizing the Need for Change 37:51 The Impact on Children 39:21 Moments of Disappointment 41:31 Financial Struggles and Resentment 44:06 Emotional Unavailability and Red Flags 50:53 Navigating Grief and Finding Support 55:10 Starting Over and Dating Again 56:51 Meeting PB and Red Flags 01:15:09 Manipulation and Paranoia 01:19:40 Suspicion and Roadblocks 01:20:02 Background Checks and Confrontations 01:20:43 The Prison Revelation 01:31:08 Court Date and Sentencing 01:43:56 Aftermath and Reflection 01:53:19 Reflecting on a Traumatic Relationship 01:54:02 The Pathological Liar 01:54:57 The Illusion of Love 01:57:37 The Impact of Continued Contact 01:58:29 A Visit to the Past 02:00:36 The Importance of Background Checks 02:01:30 Navigating Modern Dating 02:10:23 Sexual Harassment in the Workplace 02:26:29 Advice for the Younger Generation 02:29:13 Closing Thoughts and Farewell

In this Lonely Clam segment, I dive into the reality of growing apart from friends as we navigate adulthood. Sometimes it’s not a big dramatic falling out—and sometimes it’s because they slut-shamed you. Well, slap my ass and call me Hester, for this is my Scarlet Letter. We’re all human, and it’s time we normalize (and celebrate!) female sexuality, free from shame or judgment. This episode is about embracing your sexual freedom, breaking free from toxic expectations, and learning to be a better friend to the women in your life, because I, too, have been overly critical in the past. I cover friendship etiquette when it comes to disliking your bestie's partner, when to express yourself, and most importantly, when not to. Trigger warning: This episode contains themes and topics related to domestic abuse. 00:36 Juicy Episode: Relationship Themes 02:03 Friendship Failures and Realizations 02:31 Toxic Friendships and Boundaries 09:18 Accepting People for Who They Are 13:06 Empowerment and Grief 17:28 The Concept of Best Friends 22:38 Loneliness and Self-Reflection 27:23 Slut Shaming and Female Sexuality 30:18 Exploring Sexual Desires and Emotional Connections 31:36 Responsive vs. Spontaneous Arousal 33:24 Defending Personal Sexual Choices 35:41 Judgment and Self-Reflection 37:36 Friendship Boundaries and Emotional Support 46:47 Dealing with Friends in Abusive Relationships 54:05 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward 54:51 Upcoming Episode Teaser

In this emotional Lonely Clam segment, I remember my brother Isaiah, who passed away five years ago. He was my Irish twin, Aries brother, and soulmate. I share the pain of my loss, my journey through grief and sobriety, and the reality of the hardships Isaiah faced in his life. Featuring input from his loved ones, we celebrate his humor and love for anyone he has ever met. This episode is raw and deeply personal, and it touches on heavy themes that may be triggering for some, including suicide and drug addiction. I do not own the rights to the music or lyrics featured in this episode. 00:00 Introduction and Isaiah 01:59 Memories of Isaiah 03:14 Isaiah's Musical Talent 04:15 Social Media and Grief 08:14 Sibling Bond and Responsibility 21:29 Struggles with Addiction 30:20 Final Moments and Reflections 45:30 Coping with Loss and Unwanted Messages 46:24 Navigating Grief and Unsolicited Advice 49:09 The Struggle with Suicidal Thoughts 59:19 Connecting with Isaiah Through Mediums 01:02:53 Family Reflections and Regrets 01:04:06 Isaiah's Personal Belongings and Journals 01:08:36 The Impact of Isaiah's Death and Personal Growth 01:19:17 Memories and Reflections from Family Members 01:27:53 The Early Stages of Grief and Sobriety 01:30:23 Empathy and Vulnerability 01:31:03 A Turning Point: Quitting the sex Industry 01:31:54 Panic Attacks and Overstimulation 01:35:10 Coping Mechanisms and Healing 01:37:20 Spirituality and Dreams 01:43:56 Memories and Reflections 01:52:02 Humor and Lighthearted Moments 01:59:02 A Tribute to Isaiah 02:08:58 Final Thoughts and Gratitude

On this episode of Clam Slam, we finally get to meet my longtime friend Emma! We walk down memory lane and look into each other’s eyes while doing it. We dive into their new life as a scholar, where Emma talks about their discoveries of forest nerds, plant gods, volcanoes, and other sciency shit. We also discuss the importance of school in Emma’s life and how slow and steady has been winning the race. This episode was stupid fun and so educational. 00:10 Meet Emma: A Lifelong Friendship 00:32 Childhood Memories and Rivalries 01:21 Escaping Home: Finding Solace in Friendship 03:44 Emma's Impact and Episode Highlights 05:28 Nostalgic Conversations and Funny Stories 06:13 School Memories and Legendary Encounters 08:02 Gift Exchange and Sentimental Moments 12:54 Body Positivity and Personal Preferences 25:35 Environmental Science and Indigenous Practices 36:04 Farming Realities and Off-Grid Dreams 42:32 Study Abroad: Chile and El Salvador 46:04 Invasive Species and Ecosystem Disruption 46:35 Unique Research Experience in Chile 47:17 Living on a Volcano 51:38 Backpacking Challenges and Triumphs 52:24 Exploring El Salvador 01:05:27 Environmental Conservation Tips 01:12:02 Pursuing Education and Personal Growth 01:26:56 Podcast Promotion and Closing Remarks 01:30:28 Preview of Next Episode

In this deep (I’ll show you deep) and personal episode of Clam Slam the Lonely Clam, I share a raw (just walking into the jokes at this point) unscripted brainstorming session where I confront the realities of financial struggles, depression, and fears for the future. At the core of the episode is a hope that my hard work and perseverance will eventually pay off despite the uncertainty and struggles. This prayer is not just about ambition, but a plea for stability, mental peace, and a brighter future. Ultimately, I want my audience to understand that it's normal to struggle, feel lost, and not have all the answers — we are all just trying to lay pipe- for our foundations, perverts. 00:00 Introduction to Clam Slam the Lonely Clam 00:43 Brainstorming Session Insights 02:43 Reflections on Personal Growth 03:54 The Struggles of Daily Life 06:37 Experiences from a Trip to L.A. 09:17 Conversations and Connections 15:37 The Importance of Taking Risks 30:02 Financial Wisdom and Future Planning 33:37 Striving for Authenticity 34:41 Moving Away from Kansas City 36:55 The Importance of Talking About Money 39:09 Networking and Career Goals 43:08 Balancing Work and Personal Life 46:46 Dealing with Mental Health Struggles 52:26 Taking Risks and Facing Challenges 01:01:43 Concluding Thoughts

In this Clam Slam episode of Season 2, I’m joined by my roommate Larissa for an unfiltered, Aries-powered conversation that dives into how certain aspects of feminism can be toxic, the dynamics of the male gaze, and the subtleties of dating in this climax—I mean climate (because let’s be honest, the mark is often missed). We chat about everything from heated email debates with property management to how subliminal messages helped Larissa meet an English prince. (Just kidding, but he was a gentleman with great hair.) Larissa also shares her journey into the tech world through videography, and how she broke into DJing. Our dynamic brings plenty of energy as we dive into self-love, relationship patterns, career growth, and more—all with raw honesty and humor. 00:00 Introduction and Warm-Up 00:07 Introducing Larissa: First Impressions 01:16 Larissa's Influence and Podcast Beginnings 02:06 Freedom of Speech and Controversial Topics 03:53  Harmonizing and Technical Setup 05:43 Who is Larissa? 06:44 Male Gaze and Feminine Dynamics 10:31 Modern Feminism and Gender Roles 19:50 Roommate Dynamics and Personal Growth 31:31 Subliminal Messages and Self-Worth 38:18 Self-Love and Avoiding Pedestals 39:26 Reciprocation in Relationships 39:43 Chasing and Attachment Styles 40:48 Therapy and Self-Help Resources 43:23 Cancel Culture and Social Dynamics 44:13 Modern Feminism and Equality 44:58 Recognizing Patterns in Relationships 46:50 Roommate Etiquette and Communication 56:15 Creating Opportunities and Career Growth 01:07:07 Utilizing AI and Cultivating Skills 01:11:38 Consistency and Overcoming Setbacks 01:13:39 Embracing the Process and Final Thoughts

Welcum back at long last, Clam fans! I’m in yet another transition (shocker, right? And not in a hot way). I reflect on the lessons of letting go of outcomes and regaining control over my relationships, especially after the end of a significant one. This episode is all about personal growth, emotional challenges, and intentional self-reflection. Tune in for a raw, real, and slightly irreverent take on learning to ride life’s emoceanal waves. 00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back 00:38 Reflecting on the Past Few Months 03:48 Lessons on Letting Go and Control 07:47 Navigating Emotions and Personal Growth 11:50 Redefining Relationships and Dating 21:54 The Journey of Letting Go 28:36 Intentional Dating and Self-Reflection 34:49 Conclusion and What's Next

This season is a powerful one. I dive incredibly deep into my emotions, exploring the rawest parts of myself (with a few jokes along the way, you know how I am). Join me in my depths and return with morsels of knowledge, hope, and inspiration for yourself.

Alas, the first season of Clam Slam is cumming to a close. In this final Lonely Clam segment, I deep throat myself a little (or a lot) by discussing the key lessons I learned over this past year, and the magic and love that came with it.

In this Lonely Clam segment, I break down Astrology andhuman design for all of the enthusiasts, and the haters.

Hell ya, we're back with Brooke. In this Clam Slam episode, Brooke breaks down the relationship that took a turn in California (trigger warning). We get into mom stuff, (are you even my friend if you don't have mommy issues?) and Brooke's experience being on and off anxiety medication - and the natural alternatives she's found.

In this Lonely Clam episode, I get into the biggest part ofmy spirituality. Developing a relationship with yourself is as close to God you can get. I break down my journaling practices, rituals, and how I use tarot for guidance. Hard "Wu-Wu" warning.

In this Clam Slam episode, I introduce my friend Brooke *swellswith love* and she tells some wild stories. We talk about her experience dating the famous, the adventure she had while living in California, and how present  projector energy has been in her life along with the invitations she has received because of it.

In this part three of the Emily saga, we slam around about griefetiquette, how generations evolve over time, and bisexuality.

In this Lonely Clam rant, I'm triggered af. I want to apologize in advance for yelling *sweat face emoji*. Let’s talk about narcissists for a whole half hour, since they love being the center of attention so much. (Excuse my misspoken words, when I get to rapping it happens.) We know the classic red flags, let's talk about what's not so talked about.

We're back with Emily. In this Clam Slam episode, we get into solo activities (spoiler alert: not the hot kind, unfortunately). This conversation jumps from introspection and inner child work, to why astrology b*tches have a bad rep. Let's get juicy.

This Clam Slam episode is just *chef kiss* superb. I introduce my friend Emily, and we slam around about mommy issues, healthy (and unhealthy) family dynamics, people pleasing, and the journey one takes to develop their personality.

Implementing boundaries sucks. If you’re a 'pick me' b*tchlike me, you’re always going to feel like a dick for having boundaries. In this Lonely Clam episode, we boss the f*ck up. I will explain the importance of boundaries,  signs that you need them, and the dangers that come from not having them.

In this Lonely Clam episode, I talk about the meaning of shadow work and how it has shown up for me in my life. I break down how I have learned to embrace my shadow, but also heal from its murky depths.