An All Night Place - Secular AA

Michael arrived in the rooms of recovery in 2003 after years of IV drug use, chaotic relationships, and a life shaped by trauma, fear, and the lasting effects of fetal alcohol syndrome. What began as simply finding people to hang out with in a crowded Dallas meeting eventually became a decades-long struggle to understand why sobriety wouldn’t stick.Twenty years of trying to get sober exposed something deeper than substances alone. Beneath the drinking and drugging lived a profound sense of worthlessness, codependency, and the desperate need to be loved by anything or anyone that might fill the emptiness inside. Each relapse pointed back to the same place: an inner wound that chemicals could no longer silence.Today, Michael celebrates 27 months sober and speaks openly about the path that finally changed everything. Through service, sponsorship, honest self-examination, and the courage to face childhood trauma he once feared would destroy him, he found a way to rebuild a life worth living. His story is a reminder that recovery is not just about putting down the drink or the drug — it is about learning to live, to take up space in the world, and to discover that healing is possible even after decades of trying.

Larry C shares the story of how decades of alcohol and drug addiction shaped his life and how he eventually found his way into long-term recovery. Growing up in a home affected by alcoholism and violence, Larry was introduced to drinking and drugs at a young age. What began as teenage partying gradually evolved into years of substance abuse, unhealthy relationships, and repeated attempts to escape the consequences through geographic moves and self-imposed rules about what he would and wouldn’t use.After years of meth addiction, broken family ties, and living out of his truck, Larry reached a point where he could no longer stand the life he was living. A moment of honesty, a desperate prayer for help, and a willingness to follow the suggestions of others in recovery marked the beginning of a new path.Now celebrating 16 years clean, Larry reflects on the lessons he’s learned, the role of the 12-step community in rebuilding his life, and the transformation that comes from surrender, honesty, and consistent action in recovery.

Some people are born reaching for intensity long before they ever touch a substance.In this episode, Katie traces a life shaped by obsession, stubbornness, survival, and the relentless search for relief. From a childhood crowded with chaos, to the early discovery that certain feelings could be chased and repeated, to a progression that moved from alcohol to anything that could make the pain quieter, her story unfolds without shortcuts or excuses.What begins as rebellion slowly reveals a pattern. What looks like bad luck eventually points inward. Through loss, violence, motherhood, and the terrifying clarity of seeing what all her crises had in common, Katie describes the moment when denial finally ran out of places to hide.Recovery does not arrive as a miracle. It arrives as a series of small, often reluctant decisions. One second at a time. The next not-wrong thing. Learning to look in the mirror again. Learning to laugh without bracing for impact.This is a story about how sobriety reshapes thinking before it reshapes circumstances, and how staying alive long enough can become an act of service.

In this powerful episode, Alexis shares her story of addiction, recovery, and rebuilding a life she no longer wants to escape from. Raised in chaos and introduced early to loss, substance use became familiar long before it became destructive. From years of drug addiction to a progressive and devastating struggle with alcohol, Alexis traces the repeating patterns that shaped her life, relationships, and legal battles.She speaks honestly about relapse, custody loss, detox, medication-assisted recovery, and the role secular AA and community support played in helping her find stability, accountability, and self-compassion. This is a story about surrender without shame, recovery without perfection, and the quiet, daily work of choosing to stay present.Experience, strength, and hope, shared with courage and clarity.

In this deeply personal episode, Monica joins us from Chicago to share her lived experience of long-term sobriety through secular recovery. Speaking candidly as a dual-diagnosed atheist, Monica reflects on more than a decade of struggle with alcoholism, drug-resistant bipolar depression, anxiety, repeated relapses, homelessness, and a near-fatal crisis that became a turning point in her life.She traces her journey from years of trying to make traditional recovery models work, through discovering the world of secular recovery during the COVID era, and ultimately building a sustainable, life-saving path that works for her. Monica speaks openly about Intensive Outpatient Programs, electroconvulsive therapy, alternative 12-step approaches, SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma, atheist and agnostic AA spaces, and the importance of choice in recovery.This episode is also about connection. Monica shares how service, volunteering, community, and staying out of isolation have been essential to maintaining her sobriety. She offers thoughtful encouragement to newcomers, people who have relapsed, and those who are sober-curious, reminding us that recovery is not one-size-fits-all and that showing up matters more than perfection.A powerful, compassionate conversation about persistence, honesty, secular support, and why it’s never too late to find what finally sticks.

kjhgf

PLEASE NOTE: This episode is part of our "One Year On" series, two ESH shares recorded approx. 1 year apart.Janis's first share can be heard here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1a47cgJOVHXpMczvB287tp?si=jk1kObrKT42eKs0ElwabzAIn this episode, Janice shares her story of addiction, recovery, and rebuilding a life beyond alcohol. From a deeply personal rock bottom that threatened her marriage, career, and relationship with her child, she traces the gradual escalation of her drinking, the secrecy and rationalisation that kept her stuck, and the turning point that led her to Alcoholics Anonymous.Janice reflects on discovering online meetings, finding a sponsor, navigating challenges within recovery spaces, and learning to rebuild her identity without alcohol at the centre. She speaks candidly about boundaries, family expectations, spirituality, service, and the slow process of rediscovering hobbies, purpose, and self-worth.Her story is a reminder that recovery is not linear, that community matters, and that a desire to stop drinking is enough to begin.

PLEASE NOTE: This episode is part of our "One Year On" series, two ESH shares recorded approx. 1 year apart.Matty's first share can be heard here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4VBTIblM2nEFcsrQBIzcKH?si=zPDorE3DTGuTYyVgNBxKtwMatty shared at AANP in January 2024, and as part of our One Year On series, we thought it was time to check in and see how life has unfolded since then.What follows is a raw, honest account of a year in recovery shaped by instability, near-relapse, legal stress, housing upheaval, illness, and the daily work of staying sober when nothing feels settled. From getting sober in Las Vegas, to navigating recovery across AA, LifeRing, and online communities, to teaching himself software engineering while sleeping on couches and fighting to hold onto a job that nearly slipped away, Matty speaks openly about what it means to keep choosing sobriety in the middle of real life.This is not a highlight reel. It is a story about persistence. About building structure where there is none. About using every available tool: meetings, service, therapy, meditation, writing, community, and hard-won self-honesty. About learning how not to pick up, even when the pressure keeps rising.A candid conversation about staying sober, staying connected, and slowly moving from survival toward something that begins to feel like living.

This speaker-share was recorded during the Collaborative New Year's Marathon 25/26, presented by An All Night Place, Secular Together, and The 505 Secular Marathon Meeting. During one of the 505 hours, Mike shared.In this episode, Mike takes the mic and brings a share shaped by time, honesty, and sustained sobriety. With a five-digit day count, what AA circles affectionately call a “zipcoder”, he reflects on what actually changes after the milestones stop feeling shiny.This is not a victory lap. It is a grounded look at long-term sobriety lived one day at a time. Mike talks about early resistance, learning how to stay without believing what he could not believe, and the slow rewiring that happens when alcohol is no longer the solution to everything. He speaks candidly about fear, responsibility, self-honesty, and the quiet work of continuing to show up long after the chaos has settled.“Zipcoder in da house” lands here not as status, but as perspective. Five digits does not mean finished. It means practiced. It means having enough distance to see patterns clearly and enough humility to know the work is ongoing.A steady, thoughtful share for anyone wondering what sobriety looks like when it stops being new and starts being real.

In this powerful share, Stacy traces a lifetime shaped by family history, survival, and the long shadow of alcohol. Growing up in Washington DC during a turbulent era, she navigated strict expectations, deep wounds, and moments of unexpected grace. Her drinking spanned decades, taking her from survival mode to collapse, and finally to a moment of clarity that brought her through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous.Stacy speaks openly about generational patterns, loss, fear, and the complex family dynamics that followed her into adulthood. She also reflects on childhood trauma, religious disillusionment, and the ways alcohol became both shield and trap. Her story shifts as recovery takes root: finding meetings, finding her voice, and slowly learning hope, accountability, education, self-advocacy, and the essential power of community.Seven years into sobriety, she continues to grow, create, stand up for herself, and rediscover possibilities she once buried. This episode is a journey through hardship, honesty, and the quiet bravery of rebuilding life one day at a time.

This episode can be listened to in tandem with Episode 85, also featuring Ash K, recorded almost two years later — offering a striking and meaningful comparison of early recovery and long-term growth.Recorded at the Tus Nua meeting when they were just under 11 months sober, Ash K shares a raw, searching reflection on what it meant to finally get sober for real. Rather than focusing only on not drinking, they speak about learning who they are beneath trauma, masking, and survival — including coming to understand their autism, ADHD, and the long-term impact of complex PTSD.Ash reflects on a childhood shaped by addiction, emotional neglect, violence, and repeated responsibility for the wellbeing of others, especially within their family. They speak candidly about growing up unseen, carrying adult roles from a young age, and how those patterns followed them into adulthood, substance use, and relationships. Alcohol became both escape and erasure — a way to disappear, numb anxiety, and avoid being fully present.In early sobriety, Ash describes a turning point that came not from consequences or intervention, but from exhaustion and self-honesty. Through connection in the room, therapy, and learning to unmask safely, they begin to experience something unfamiliar: self-compassion, emotional expression, and the right to take up space. They speak about grieving their mother, losing a business during the pandemic, and the quiet pride of choosing sobriety without external pressure or approval.This is an intimate, emotionally layered share about unlearning shame, breaking generational roles, and discovering that a sober life doesn’t require perfection — only a commitment to “no matter what.” A powerful snapshot of recovery in motion, and a revealing counterpoint to the person Ash becomes nearly two years later.

In this powerful episode, Tina shares her remarkable journey from a chaotic childhood in Miami to more than 11 years of continuous sobriety. Born in Honduras and raised in a family marked by addiction, trauma, and instability, Tina describes the early experiences that shaped her, the escapism she clung to long before substances entered the picture, and the decades-long cycle of addiction that followed.Her story spans cross-country moves, dangerous bottoms, near-fatal overdoses, and the painful consequences of living without the tools to cope. But it also reveals the turning points: the sponsor who never gave up, the treatment and therapy that rebuilt her life, the amends that transformed her relationships, and the unexpected joys that sobriety made possible — including becoming a fire-breathing burlesque performer, returning to USC on a full scholarship, and finding purpose in service and special education.With honesty, humour, and humility, Tina reflects on how recovery continues to surprise her, challenge her, and offer new beginnings. Her message is clear: sobriety doesn’t erase hardship, but it opens the door to growth, connection, and a life far bigger than anything addiction allowed.A raw, generous, and deeply hopeful share for anyone on the path of recovery.

In this deeply honest share at AANP, Chelsea Hermsen speaks about life with cerebral palsy, sobriety, and learning to accept the reality of who she is and where she belongs.Born with brain damage that led to progressive physical disability, Chelsea reflects on a childhood shaped by low expectations from medical professionals, fierce advocacy from her parents, and a lifelong struggle against being underestimated. She shares how losing her ability to walk, navigating higher education, and facing mental health crises challenged her sense of identity and independence.Chelsea opens up about how alcohol entered her life later than many, how heartbreak changed her relationship with drinking, and how quickly isolation and loss of control followed. After being placed in a group home, resisting it, relapsing, and returning, she reached a quiet but decisive realization: drinking could never again be part of her life.She speaks candidly about recovery without romanticism — about choosing the “best possible” situation rather than a perfect one, finding connection without always fitting in, and discovering secular AA online when she needed it most. Her story is one of resilience, realism, and the courage to keep showing up, even when circumstances limit how much you can give.A powerful share about disability, dignity, sobriety, and finding community on your own terms.

In this deeply personal and unflinchingly honest share, Andrew reflects on nearly three decades of alcoholism, the chaos it created, and the hard-won clarity he’s found in sobriety. From a traumatic childhood and early exposure to drinking, to years marked by homelessness, addiction, and repeated attempts to get clean, Andrew traces the winding path that eventually brought him to recovery.He speaks candidly about the destructive cycles he lived in, the pain of losing family and friends, and the turning point that finally pushed him to put the drink down for good. With raw vulnerability, he describes the anger that fueled his change, the role mental health played throughout his journey, and the profound gratitude he now carries for the people who helped him stay alive long enough to get sober.This episode is a testament to resilience, community, and the unexpected promise of a life rebuilt. Andrew’s story is heavy, human, and ultimately hopeful — an intimate reminder that recovery is possible, even after years of darkness.

Honesty, Humility, and Mushrooms: Sarah Jane's Evolving SobrietyIn this candid and funny share, Sarah Jane opens up about her winding journey through addiction, recovery, and rediscovery. From her first drink in middle school to cross-country moves in search of peace, she reflects on the running, the pain, and the ultimate relief of finding a program that helped her face herself honestly. With humor and vulnerability, Sarah Jane talks about resetting her sobriety date, working Step One again, and finding strength in honesty rather than perfection. She also dives into lessons from Step Ten—how justified anger, resentment, and self-pity once ruled her life, and how contrary action and humility now guide her toward real peace.A grounded, heartfelt reminder that recovery isn’t about getting it “right”—it’s about staying honest, connected, and willing to grow.

This is a powerful, raw, and deeply human AA share. Ralph’s story traces the full arc of alcoholism—from denial and destruction, through surrender, to recovery—and then shows how recovery tools sustain him even through the unimaginable grief of losing a daughter.A few things that stand out:The turning point: His surrender moment in the back of the patrol car is described with visceral clarity—he frames it as survival instinct rather than divine intervention, but the effect is the same: the compulsion to drink left him.Honesty about the wreckage: He doesn’t minimize the harm his drinking caused—family neglect, DUIs, jail, shame. This makes his recovery testimony even stronger.Recovery practices: Commitments, listening to others, honesty, authenticity, showing up, helping without expecting a return. He describes the transformation from “acting as if” to genuinely becoming the man he wanted to be.Grief in sobriety: The death of his daughter is crushing, yet he turns to program principles—showing up, being present, not escaping into alcohol or drugs. His choice to “walk straight with eyes wide open” shows the strength that long-term recovery can bring.This is the kind of share that newcomers can cling to for hope, and old-timers can recognize as truth.

In this powerful share, Jack opens up about his journey through addiction, homelessness, and the turning point that led him into recovery. From days spent in a tent behind a motel, cut off from family and consumed by alcohol and methamphetamines, to finding hope in detox, rehab, and the rooms of A.A., Jack’s story is raw, honest, and inspiring.He reflects on the pain of living in constant need, the fear of never escaping the cycle of addiction, and the relief of finally stepping off the “Ferris wheel.” Today, nearly a decade sober, Jack talks about rebuilding his life: reconnecting with family, finding real friendships, sponsoring others, and living with integrity.It’s a testimony to the fact that no matter how low the bottom, recovery is possible—and life on the other side can be beautiful.

From a Catholic schoolgirl to a crack house, from a promising engineer to a ditch in Georgia: Alex’s story is a raw and harrowing journey through addiction, trauma, and mental health crisis. After multiple DUIs, psych wards, and a terrifying psychosis, she found herself completely broken. But through the unexpected strength of her family, the love of a loyal dog, and the structure of recovery, she discovered that who she truly was had never been destroyed—it was just buried, waiting to shine through. This is a powerful testament to survival, hope, and the profound change that is possible.There is also a JEEP, and a dog.

In this raw and deeply personal share, Charlie—an alcoholic and addict with a tumultuous past—opens up about his decades-long struggle with addiction, identity, and recovery. From his first drink at age five to his last, which finally made him confront his self-destructive behavior, Charlie’s story is one of repeated cycles of sobriety and relapse, self-sabotage, and hard-won redemption.He recounts a life marked by childhood trauma, failed relationships, military service, prison time, and a harrowing legal battle that forced him to flee to Mexico. Despite multiple attempts at recovery, it wasn’t until he found an online secular AA group during COVID that he truly began to heal—this time, with honesty about his marijuana use and a rejection of rigid definitions of sobriety.Now in his 60s, Charlie reflects on the peace he’s found: a loving marriage, self-respect, and the ability to face life without substances. His message is clear—don’t wait as long as he did. Recovery is possible, but it requires honesty, self-acceptance, and doing "the next right thing."A powerful reminder that there’s no one "right" way to get sober—just your way.

Michael’s Journey – From Sobriety to Relapse and Back AgainMichael’s story is a raw, powerful reminder of addiction’s grip—and the resilience it takes to break free. From his first drink as a teenager, alcohol became an obsession, leading to DUIs, stolen cars, and fractured relationships. After finding sobriety in AA, he rebuilt his life—only to drift away from the program, convinced he had "beaten" his addiction. Then, decades later, loss and despair pulled him back into drinking.In this candid episode, Michael shares the painful lessons of relapse, the ego’s pitfalls, and the moment he realized: I don’t want the next 20 years to look like the last 20. Now sober again, he’s reclaiming the tools that once saved him—meetings, steps, and a higher power he defines as love. His journey asks a universal question: How do we stay honest when life convinces us we’re cured?Listen for:The slippery slope of complacency in long-term sobrietyHow trauma and grief can reignite addiction—and the way outWhy "crushing the ego" became Michael’s key to survivalA story of humility, hope, and starting over—with experience.