Claim OwnershipThe Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught
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© The Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught
Description
This is the story of how I found a time traveling watch behind a dumpster and my subsequent adventures through time as I make the world a better place...for me...and sometimes for other people as well...I mean, I have no doubt other people also benefited from the changes I made, so in some ways, it's kind of the story of how I became the greatest hero of all time...as well as a guide for any of you who might wind up finding a time machine and becoming a time traveler.
10 Episodes
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I was shocked, absolutely shocked. I had discovered another time traveler, but he disappeared before I could say anything to him. I had to figure out where another time traveler would visit, and that's when I realize that any sane person with a time machine would go to Pompeii before it got destroyed, and so I ripped off my bed sheet, made myself a toga and went back to Pompeii to find my new best friend.
After impregnating a cavewoman, I felt the need to add some culture in my life by visiting The Renaissance. While in Rome, I meet three quarters of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci. But meeting the famous artists comes at a terrible, terrible cost...my innocence!
I was sexually frustrated to say the least. I mean, I had been in a sex drought for way too long, and my failure in Athens was the final straw, and that's when I got a brilliant idea. I would go back in time and make love with a cavewoman. So I did. And while there, I also killed a mastodon!
After surviving The Strangling performed by Benjamin Franklin, I decide it'd be best if I went back in time to do something a little more fun. I realize nothing's more fun than going back to Ancient Athens and partaking in an old-timey orgy...the only problem is, how does one find an old-timey orgy in Ancient Athens?
After realizing my time machine watch can take me any time, anywhere, I ask myself the age old question: if I could talk with anyone in history, who would it be? Well, it turns out my answer is Benjamin Franklin, so I make my way to colonial America and wind up accidentally almost killing him.
After Taylor Swift is spotted in New York, I use my new dumpster watch to teleport to NYC. I soon discover that not only can my watch teleport me, but that it's also a time machine!...which doesn't sound shocking in this moment as you read because you already know I found a time machine, but it was super crazy at the time.
After entering the time into my watch and confirming, I suddenly find myself in India! I know, crazy right! Like seriously, just think about how crazy that is...okay, did you think about it? I had no idea how I suddenly wound up in India, but I knew I had to make the best of my situation.
I find a mysterious watch behind a dumpster, and like anybody would do, I clean it with some hand sanitizer and put it on. At the time, I didn't know it was a time machine, I just thought it was a cool dumpster watch.
I'm just a guy who went back in time and wound up kissing Socrates...and doing other cool things.
I'm just a guy who found a time traveling device on the ground behind a dumpster!
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