Evolving Love

Evolving Lovers!! 100 episodes of the Evolving Love Podcast!!! To celebrate, we invited back one of our all-time favourite guests: Dr. Chris Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn, Civilized to Death, and host of Tangentially Speaking.In this milestone episode, we dive deep into what it means to love, to be seen, and to navigate desire in a rapidly changing world. Chris discusses why humans are fundamentally non-monogamous, why monogamy can still be a meaningful choice, and how shame, safety, novelty, and honesty shape our erotic lives. We also explore how AI will transform intimacy and whether social conditioning distorts our instincts.For us, it is the perfect way to mark 100 episodes of the Evolving Love podcast.Thank you for being here with us. ❤️Chris Ryan Links:WebsiteSubstack / PodcastInstagram This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, Liam and I sit down to unpack what we’ve been calling “the silent load”….the unseen, unspoken work that keeps relationships and families running smoothly.We talk about the four types of invisible load that show up in love: the physical, emotional, mental, and relational loads. From who remembers to buy the groceries, to who plans the date nights or initiates the tough conversations, we explore how these patterns form, what they mean, and why they can feel so heavy.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

What happens when a married, polyamorous couple goes on a first date with artificial intelligence? In this episode we introduce our new “girlfriend” — Olivia, an AI companion built through ChatGPT’s voice mode — and take her on a virtual first date.We talk attraction, jealousy, and boundaries as Olivia flirts, sets limits, and asks tough questions about love, consent, and communication. After the date ends, we unpack the emotional and ethical fallout — from erotic AI fantasies to whether falling for a chatbot could ever count as cheating.This episode blurs the line between human and digital intimacy, asking:Can an AI girlfriend feel real?What happens when machines mirror desire?Is emotional connection without a body still love?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Lily Allen has dropped her new album West End Girl. This record is a brutally honest breakup album about her open marriage with actor David Harbour, and has put non-monogamy back into the cultural Zeitgeist.In this episode, we discuss* Is Lily Allen’s “p*^sy palace” anthem empowering or exploitative?* What are the ethics of writing about your ex?* Why do female rage albums hit so hard?* Does this record hurt or help how non-monogamy is seen?* And… who exactly is Madeline?From kink-shaming to compersion, privacy to power, we discuss the tension between honesty, art, and the stories we tell about love.We also mention the Architectural Digest Tour of Lily and David’s House and this brilliant Substack article by Jack Cullen.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Abbey and Liam unpack the difference between jealousy and envy — and how those feelings show up even in the most secure relationships. What starts as a story about a paddle boarding invitation turns into an honest look at FOMO, friendship, and the desire to keep creating “firsts” together after more than a decade of marriage.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Dabaco Sunset is a queer-affirming psychotherapist and embodiment facilitator in Sydney, specializing in Gestalt Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Embodied Counselling to help LGBTQ+ individuals and clients with alternative relating styles like ethical non-monogamy.Dabaco practices In the inner-west in Sydney at Sunset Psychotherapy.In this episode Dabaco opens up about growing up bisexual and pansexual, his time in Berlin’s queer scene, and the journey from infidelity and secrecy to radical self-acceptance.Dabaco Sunset LinksWebsite | Instagram | Naked ManEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

“Why do you need a female friend if you’re married?” In this episode, Abbey and Liam unpack the space where friendship, attraction, romantic relationships and trust collide.From jealousy to risk-taking they explore whether cross-gender friendships are threats to marriage, what happens when you forbid them, and how non-monogamous couples navigate these dynamics differently.Do female friendships always pose a risk? Or are they an essential part of a balanced life?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In todays episode we play Devil’s Advocate. Can you argue a position you don’t truly believe in? Does switching sides test our own beliefs and sharpen our perspectives?We go head-to-head on:* Should happy couples risk opening their relationship?* Is non-monogamy a solution for struggling couples?* The infamous One Penis Policy — protection or possession?* Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell vs Kitchen Table Polyamory* Growing older: does monogamy or non-monogamy serve us better?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Abbey and Liam are joined by evolutionary biologist Dr. Rob Brooks to explore the rise of AI companions, sex robots, and whether love with machines can ever be “real.” They discuss jealousy over chatbots, the naturalist fallacy, and the deep question of whether humans are naturally monogamous or non-monogamous.Drawing from Rob’s book Artificial Intimacy, the conversation dives into the future of intimacy, the regulation of AI, and what it means for relationships when machines can replicate (and even challenge) human connection.Rob Brooks LinksWebsite | SubstackWatch this episode on YoutubeEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | RetreatLive Podcast Tickets LinkFriday 10th October, NFSA, Canberra This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Evolving Love 2.0, Abbey and Liam explore where they sit on the spectrum between swinging and polyamory. From loud neighbours and exhibitionist fantasies to navigating crushes, labels, and compersion, they dive into the playful, messy, and honest realities of non-monogamy after more than a decade together.They also share why “relationship by design” is central to their lives, and how fantasy and reality often intersect in surprising ways.Watch on YoutubeEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | RetreatLive Podcast Tickets LinkFriday 10th October, NFSA, Canberra This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we bounce from pickleball courts to cold plunges, breathwork breakthroughs, and even DIY sex swings. We discuss our experiences with therapy, and Liam’s recent experience in a men’s breathwork circle.🧵 Topics Covered🎾 Pickleball Obsession: Why Liam has pivoted from bouldering to pickleball, and how it's becoming the new social sport for connection (and maybe even pickup).🧊 Cold Plunge Confessions: Their first experience with a 3°C plunge at a retreat.🌬️ Breathwork Journeys: Liam’s powerful experience in a men’s breathwork circle and how it compares to traditional talk therapy.🧠 Therapy, Flow & Healing: From EFT tapping to crafting gnomes, the many ways we process emotion and find peace.🧵 Crafting as Inner Child Work: Abbey’s deep dive into fairy swings, and the joy of imperfection.🛠️ DIY Erotica: Reddit’s BDSM DIY, ceramic dildos, and the dream of a podcast room sex swing.🔥 Saunas, Sex & Sensory Play: Why temperature matters in intimacy and the allure of hardpoints in the home.Upcoming EventsConversation Night:Sydney | Monday, 18th August 2025Social Event:Canberra | Sunday, 31st August 2025Women’s Retreat:Yass, NSW | October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we dive into the spectacle of public affairs—from the viral Coldplay KissCam scandal to the infamous Clinton-Lewinsky saga. We explore the cultural obsession with infidelity, the ethics of public shaming, and the complex dynamics of relationships under scrutiny.Topics Covered* Coldplaygate: The viral moment that exposed Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and HR head Kristin Cabot on KissCam.* Public vs. Private Affairs: Why some affairs explode into the public eye and what that means for those involved.* Workplace Infidelity: Why so many affairs begin at work and the psychology behind it.* The Clinton-Lewinsky Affair: A deep dive into the scandal, power dynamics, betrayal, and media frenzy.* Esther Perel’s “State of Affairs”: How this book reframes infidelity and offers a path to healing.* The Ethics of Enjoying Scandal: Grappling with the guilty pleasure of watching public drama unfold.* Security Clearances & Infidelity: Can cheating disqualify you from high-level government roles?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s Evolving Love Podcast we discuss boundaries, limits, and unpack my recent Substack article.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Today we are having a difficult conversation on Evolving Love. A conversation that puts the safety of our children in the spotlight.To help us navigate this conversation, we have invited on child safety expert - Kristi McVee. Kristy was a Specialist Child Interviewer and Detective Senior Constable for 10 years in the Western Australian Police force.Since leaving the police force, she has worked to provide parents, caregivers, and guardians with the education, tools and strategies they need to protect children from child sexual abuse and work towards a safer future for all kids.Kristi has written a book entitled “Operation Kidsafe”, and hosts the podcast – “Conversations with Kristi”.Kristi McVee Links:Website | Instagram | Facebook | Tik Tok | PodcastACMS Study ResearchImportant Resources:If you feel affected by this episode and the themes discussed, please do not hesitate to reach out to these great resources:United States:* Childhelp USA:* Provides a national hotline, crisis intervention, information, and referrals.* Hotline: 1-800-422-4453* Website: childhelp.org* The National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN):* Offers confidential support for survivors of sexual violence.* Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE* Website: rainn.orgAustralia:* Bravehearts:* Focuses on preventing child sexual assault and supporting survivors.* Helpline: 1800 272 831* Website: bravehearts.org.au* Kids Helpline:* A free, confidential 24/7 online and phone counseling service for young people aged 5 to 25.* Helpline: 1800 55 1800* Website: kidshelpline.com.auEngland:* NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children):* Provides a helpline, online resources, and support services for children and adults concerned about child abuse.* Helpline: 0808 800 5000* Website: nspcc.org.uk* Childline:* A free, confidential helpline for children and young people.* Helpline: 0800 1111* Website: childline.org.uk This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Deepa is a Filipina-Indian author living in Amsterdam and her writing explores the balance between being a mother, wife, girlfriend, daughter, adventure, and herself - all at the same time.This release is her first book, but you can also find her writing on Substack at - Letters by DeepaThis conversation is raw and wide ranging and we were so struck by the joy, vulnerability and honesty in this conversation.In this episode we discuss Deepa’s conservative upbringing in the Phillipines, the move to Amsterdam and how she opened up her relationship, reflections on how she navigates discussing non-monogamy with her 12 year old daughter, the role Craigslist played in her story, powerful reflections on how her polyamorous relationship structure helped her through one of her hardest experiences and so much more.Deepa’s LinksWebsite | Substack | InstagramEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we deep dive the provocative question: Is monogamy boring? We discuss our own definitions of what a boring relationship looks like, erotic space and desire, the richness of shared non-monogamous experiences, is boredom a form of safety, our dream debate opponents and so much more.🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

We explore the nuanced topic of consent violations within non-monogamous relationships. From the ethics of sharing intimate photos to the complexities of informed consent in the context of infidelity, this conversation invites Evolving Lovers to consider how trust, transparency, and communication are foundational to ethical non-monogamy.🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Today we sit down with photographer and academic Dr. Emma Phillips to explore the cultural, feminist, and personal dimensions of an activity that we hold close to our heart - the sexy selfie.Emma is a photographer and researcher/lecturer in Visual Communication at the University of Canberra.With twelve years of professional photography experience in Australian media, design, and advertising, and eight years teaching photography and visual communications across Melbourne, Sydney, and Canberra, Emma brings a wealth of expertise to her work.In 2022 she completed her PhD at the University of Technology Sydney on the intersection of sexy-selfies with class, and has been a finalist in the prestigious Australian National Photographic Portrait Prize.In today’s discussion we talk about the cultural hierarchy between selfies and self-portraits, why we are motivated to take sexy selfies, the role of the male-gaze, the role of validation, aesthetic bias and class judgements, sexy selfies as erotic communication, photographer/model power-dynamics, masculinity and the male-selfie, creating environments for artistic exploration, how selfies can help foster community and so much more.Guest LinksEmma’s PHDEmma’s WebsiteEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we dive deep into the art of communication in long-term, non-monogamous relationships. We explore the nuances of radical honesty—when it’s helpful, when it’s too much, and how to balance truth with tact. From navigating attraction to others, to the infamous “chewer vs. spewer” dynamic, we unpack how our differing communication styles have evolved over the years. We share examples like late-night pillow talks, wardrobe critiques, and the vasectomy sample drop-off, all while highlighting the importance of timing, tone and intention.Women’s RetreatBookings for my Women’s Retreat in Yass, NSW, Australia from 17th-19th October 2025 are now open! (Currently running an Early Bird special!)Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Mistress Fleur Driver is a professional Dominatrix and BDSM practitioner with over thirteen years of experience in the sex work industry. Originally trained in the courtesan tradition by European Madams, her practice is grounded in immersive, intentional experiences that welcomes people from all walks of life. From her private dungeon in Sydney to international settings, Fleur guides her clients through carefully crafted journeys of surrender, ritual, and self-discovery.In this conversation we discuss healing through BDSM, sacred spanking, clients exploring sissification, high protocol scenes, how to use cling wrap in BDSM, masculinity and BDSM, Financial domination, being married and also being a sex worker, the visual aesthetics of BDSM, aftercare and mental health for Dominatrix’s, the state of sex work in Australia, the difference between decriminalisation and legalisation of sex work and so much more.Mistress Fleur Driver Links:Website | InstagramEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe