Waiting Tables podcast

Find the show notes and more at https://waiting-tables.com. Q. Why did you write this book? Deepak: There are a few reasons why I studied the subject and wrote this book. First, as a pastor who supervises our children’s ministry and youth staff, I was surprised at how little information was available to help us think about preventing abuse in church settings. And what little was available was out of print. I read and studied in order to help our local church think about how to build a better firewall to prevent child abuse. Second, as a pastor of counseling, I once had a chance to talk to Dr. Anna Salter, who is one of the nation’s leading experts on sexual offenders. I asked her about her thoughts on how churches handle sexual abuse…and well, let’s just say she was very clear on how churches do a poor job in preventing and responding to child abuse. That put an idea in my head that something needed to be written. Third, and finally, I was at a conference geared at helping churches prevent child abuse, and I was surprised that the only people speaking were psychologists and lawyers, none of whom had ever worked at a church before. They said a lot of helpful things, but they were some things I felt like they didn’t “get” because they were not coming from the perspective of working on the inside of a church. Somebody needed to say something from the perspective of a pastor who spends his days laboring inside of a church. All of these reason conspired together to make me write the book. Q. Is child abuse in the church really a problem? Why is it such a pressing need today? Deepak: To get a greater sense of the problem, a quick statistical overview of child abuse is helpful: There are approximately 747,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. alone.[^fn1] There are more than 100,000 sexual offenders who fail to report every year.[^fn2] As many as one in three girls and one in four boys will be sexually abused at some point in their childhood.[^fn3]  Approximately thirty percent of all cases are reported to authorities—meaning that seventy percent never get proper attention or prosecution.[^fn4] Over 63,000 cases of child sexual abuse were reported in 2010.[^fn5] Offenders typically prey on children they know, not strangers. Most perpetrators are acquaintances, but as many as forty-seven percent are family or extended family.[^fn6] Almost half (forty-seven percent) of the offenders who sexually assaulted victims under age six were family members, compared with forty-two percent of who assaulted youth ages six through eleven, and twenty-four percent who assaulted juveniles ages twelve through seventeen.[^fn7] The Department of Justice reports that children under age twelve make up half of all victims of forced sodomy, forced fondling, or sexual assault with an object.[^fn8] Numerous experts have made it clear that sexual predators often have not just one or two victims, but dozens. The Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study found that each child molester averages twelve child victims and seventy-one acts of molestation. An earlier study by Dr. Gene Abel found that out of 561 sexual offenders interviewed there were more than 291,000 incidents involving more than 195,000 total victims. This same study found that only three percent of these sexual offenders have a chance of getting caught.[^fn9] A 2007 FBI report states the following: One out of five girls will be sexually molested before her eighteenth birthday; One out of six boys will be sexually molested before his eighteenth birthday; One out of every seven victims of sexual assault reported to law enforcement agencies was under age six; and Forty percent of the offenders who victimized children under age six were juveniles (under eighteen).[^fn10] Appalling, isn’t it? A quick glance at the numbers shows how pervasive the problem is. This fills out the Bible’s picture of sin with more specifics, helping us to see how common sexual and physical abuse is in our society. Q. What does Scripture teach us about preventing abuse and protecting children? There is plenty in Scripture, where the Bible shows evil nature of abusing someone else – one example, the rape of Tamar by her brother, Amnon, in 1 Sam. 13. Churches have a responsibility to steward the gift of children entrusted to them. The disciples shoed them away, but Jesus received them and blessed them (Mark 10:13-16). The culture of first-century Jerusalem didn’t value children, but Jesus saw them as immensely valuable, and so should we. He said whoever welcomes children in his name shows they also welcome Christ and God the Father (Mark 9:36-37). Scripture teaches us that God has a special burden for the young, weak, oppressed, and the feeble. So, as stewards of all that he has given us and made, we also should be like God. Deut 10:18, Isai. 1:17; James 1:27. Q. Why are churches particularly vulnerable? Deepak: Consider a few reasons… Christians are naïve. Because Christians are generally trusting folks, and sexual abusers know this fact, an offender will take advantage of a churchgoer’s trust. Christians are ignorant. Because Christians don’t know the extent of the problem, they often don’t guard against it. And this makes children vulnerable. Abuse of authority. Child abusers will use positions of authority to gain access to children and abuse them. In the case of one child abuser, he would show up at churches and volunteer to be the children’s choir director after the church got to know him. Sadly, he was not just able to do this once, but several times. Easy access to children. Sexual offenders take advantage of the fact that churches are always looking for help with children’s ministry and are often facing shortages of volunteers. They know the children’s ministry staff are over-worked and desperate for help. These are just a few reasons. There are several others I list in the book. Q. How does an incorrect view of grace help put churches at risk? Deepak: If a sexual offender is actually caught, he or she counts on what Dietrich Bonhoeffer referred to as cheap grace—grace that comes freely and with very little cost. Abusers are not dumb. They know that if they cry, offer words of contrition, and promise never to do it again, they are very likely not to have to face significant consequences. Pastors and churches are very forgiving. They are quick to apply the gospel—and very, very slow to apply the consequences that come from the law.[^fn11] The typical offender will say something like, “I’m soooo sorry (tears rolling down his face). This was wrong; and I promise I will never do this again.” He is very emotional and, from the look of it, appears to be broken over his sin. What would you do? I’d venture to say many of us would remind him of God’s love for him, let the whole thing go, and put the incident(s) behind us. But sadly, when we do that, we embolden the offender to hurt children again because he got away with it. Q. What are some misconceptions about child abusers in the church? Deepak: One of the most common myths about sexual offenders is that they will be strangers who take away your child. Power predators do exist. They scope out playgrounds or other places with kids to abduct children and steal their lives. Jaycee Dugaard knows this reality all too well. But in church and family settings, our problem is much less often with a stranger than it is with those whose lives regularly intersect with ours: fellow church attenders, childcare workers in the nursery, family members, and neighbors—the people we know, not the people we don’t know. Boz Tchividjian, executive director of Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (G.R.A.C.E.), makes this point: “It is common knowledge that most children are not sexually victimized by strangers. In fact, one study found that only 10 percent of child molesters molest children that they don’t know.”[^fn12] Many children are taught from an early age not to talk to strangers. But strangers are not as much of a problem as some who live among us every day. Teaching our children to be wary of strangers can give us a false sense of security. What parents often ignore is the familiar adult who is too friendly with our kids. Consider the following: More than eighty percent of the time, victims of child abuse know their abusers. Most abuse takes place within the context of an ongoing relationship. Some child abusers are married and abuse their own children.[^fn13] Most children know how to respond to an unwelcome stranger, but they're uncertain what to do when a "safe" adult makes them uncomfortable. Consequently, we will spend much of our time considering how to protect against the “safe” adult who is a persuasion predator. Q. What Is the Typical Profile for a Sexual Predator? Pretend you’re taking a multiple choice test. Take a look at the list below and make your best guess at who you think might fit the profile for a sexual offender. A. A young, single male architect B. A “soccer mom” with four children D. A pediatrician E. A Catholic priest F. A public school teacher G. None of the above H. A and D only I. All of the above The correct answer is “H.” While single males are the most likely, we can’t assume this to be the only type of predator. There are some instances when women get trapped in this perverse sin. Most commonly, one would think of a school teacher who is leading teenage boys astray with inappropriate sexual encounters. But there are other categories of female offenders, including some with sadistic tendencies, and those who are coerced by a male partner to abuse children.[^fn14] In fact, predators come in all types—single and married; blue and white collar; educated and uneducated; rich, middle class, and poor. In examining a range of sexual offender cases, I’ve found examples in almost every category of work—college professor, athletic director of a private school, Catholic priest, doctor, lawyer, pastor, and man

I speak with Eric Syfrett about the basics of finances for churches. After earning degrees in economics and accounting, Eric became the children's and an accountant at his church. He now serves as the Executive Pastor of Kings Park International Church. Many pastors and church leaders have little-to-no training in the specifics of church finances and are required to learn on the job. Managing church finances not only requires biblical wisdom and financial practices, it also requires conformity to legal requirements. Eric talks about how churches are stewards of the gifts God has given them, and thus are called to handled their money well. This requires communicating with our congregations about our needs and how the finances will be used; it requires protocols and accountability for handling money as it comes it so that we are above reproach; it requires careful budgeting and continual expense control. In a day when we continually hear about church financial scandals, Pastor Syfrett offers refreshing, biblical wisdom on effective church financial management. You can find out more about Waiting Tables at waiting-tables.com.

In this episode, I talk with Seth Houser ways in which ministry projects can be effectively managed. Seth’s serves as a summer camp director for a Christian camp in the Smoky Mountains, and he also serves as an elder in his local church body. Seth shares how the leadership of his church adopted Basecamp as a tool for organization, communication, and collaboration. Using software can help you delegate projects, keep track of projects once delegated, and remind those who've taken them on of their responsibility. Having a way to keep track of what has been decided in meetings and what thought processes you went through to get to that point is invaluable. If someone in your congregation comes to you asking about a specific topic that has been debated and decided upon, you can draw on those records to walk them through explaining the thought process behind the decision. You can find links mentioned in this episode and all our other episodes at waiting-tables.com.

In this episode, I speak with Josh Navey, children's pastor at Summit. He is involved in ministering to the children of Summit, from birth to the fourth grade level. Three different kinds of child safety are discussed in this episode: Physical Safety at Church from Intruders Sexual Abuse Prevention Safety from Natural Disasters and Fire Child abuse is the #1 reason that churches are taken to court. Having a child safety policy in place, even if you are a small church, is important. Look online for child safety policies. In some cases, if insurance companies see that you have a policy in place, it could affect your rates positively, depending on what that policy is. Two important things to enforce when allowing workers to interact with the children: Background checks on all workers 18 years and older. Accufax and other companies can do background checks for you. Make sure these checks are updated every 3-5 years. Be aware that there are rules on how the background check reports can be stored properly; the company you choose to run the checks should be able to help you so this properly. 2 adult rule: No one is ever left alone with any child/children. Even if there is only one child needing care, two adults must accompany at all times. Consider the design of your building and how it affects child safety. Some recommendations include: Making sure every full door has a window in it. Using Dutch style doors that keep the children in, keep those outside fenced away from the children, but allow visual access to the room is a great practice. Also, have a secure system for making sure each child is reunited with the correct adult. How can parents work to keep their children safe? Serve in the children's ministry! Teach kids about their bodies. Joyfully honor and respect the rules in place at your church. Be aware that lacking a cheerful spirit in doing so says that the workers enforcing the rules care more about your child's welfare than you do. To prepare for an emergency situation like an active shooter intruding, a natural disaster, or a fire, make sure that each room is equipped with a map detailing an exit plan. Make sure that the workers know that it is there.

I speak with Tim Challies, author and pastor, about his book Do More Better. Tim helpful frames productivity in a Christian worldview, and his little book is very helpful for church leaders who have to juggle a breadth of responsibilities and priorities. Why Productivity Tim Challies defines productivity as Productivity is effectively stewarding your gifts, talents, time, energy, and enthusiasm for the good of others and the glory of God. As Christians, we should strive to be good stewards of our time and energy out of our love of God and love for others. A systematic approach to productivity is not an end to itself, but a outworking of the greatest commandment. An understanding of productivity needs to begin with an understanding of the reason you exist. Productivity is not what will bring purpose to your life, but what will enable you to excel in living out your existing purpose. Tim Challies in Do More Better Productivity and Personal Mission Statements I talk with Tim about how he has found it helpful to write mission statements for the various areas of responsibility in his life: church, family, work, etc. These mission statements help him prioritize his time and focus on doing the right things. He's written a brief "productivity worksheet" that you can use to help organize your responsibilities and missions. Your primary pursuit in productivity is not doing more things, but doing more good. Generally speaking, you can do more good for others if you have fewer roles and projects than if you have more. Tim Challies in Do More Better Tools for a productive life In Do More Better, Tim talks about the three essential tools for his productivity workflow: Task management tool. A task management tool enables you to capture and organize your projects and tasks. Scheduling tool. A scheduling tool enables you to organize your time and notifies you of pending events and appointments. Information tool. An information tool enables you to collect, archive, and access information. We discuss the value of those tools and why it's worth paying money for good tools. Managing Email In 2017, nearly everyone is using email in all parts of their life. Many (if not most) churches use email for decision making among leadership leaders, for coordination of volunteers, for updating the congregation. Tim's book has a helpful appendix on taming your email. In this episode, we have a brief discussion of email. We review Tim's 4 step workflow for handling new emails, and we talk about why email makes a bad todo list. Consistency is Key All of this will only be valuable if you apply it consistently. After listening to the interview, take some time to read carefully through Do More Better.

I talk with Josh Byers about his recent blog post Church Video on a Budget of $1000. Josh explains how to use a DSLR camera, a microphone, and basic lighting for recording "basic interviews, testimonies, life stories and other video productions your church may have." Here's a video from Josh's team: A few years ago, it would've required a huge budget and a professional team to produce a video like that. Josh talks about how you can get the basic equipment for just over $1000. Three Point Lighting Three point lighting is a standard technique for illuminating a subject in video or photos. This technique is one of the best things you can do to give video a professional look. Here's a tutorial explaining three point lighting:

Show notes for this episode are available at waiting-tables.com/episode/microphones-for-churches/. Todd Messer, my guest from Episode 6, joins us again to discuss microphones in specific detail. Todd discusses the types and uses of microphones with me and gives helpful tips on things to consider with microphone setup. Microphone Physics There is a lot of physics involved in microphone construction. It is important to understand transducer types when dealing with microphones. A transducer takes one form of energy and changes it into a different form of energy. In microphones, there two primary types of transducers: acoustic and electrical. Dynamic: Acoustic energy moves a core in a coil inside the microphone generating electrical signal. Dynamic microphones tend to be less expensive and very sturdy. Condenser: A capacitor inside the microphone converts sound to electric signal; a power source is necessary for this type of microphone. Tend to be more fragile and breakable. Most cheaper microphones are dynamic microphones. They have a much simpler design and construction and subsequently cost less. Dynamic microphones are not as sensitive. Often, because they are less sensitive, speakers must "kiss the mic" meaning their lips are actually touching the microphone as they speak. If there is too much distance between the speaker and a dynamic microphone, it might not be able to pick up the vibrations necessary to work properly. With a dynamic microphone, using a compressor might be advisable. The compressor will help to limit enormous volume fluctuations and variations. Aspects of Microphones Microphone Pickup Patterns Where is the microphone designed to pick up sound? Unidirectional - Sure SM58 is a unidirectional microphone. If you stay close and directly in front of the microphone, there will be good sound pickup. If you turn to the side, top, bottom, or off the axis of the microphone, the sound drops off. Bidirection - Sound is picked up in front of and behind the microphone. This type of pickup pattern is useful in an interview setting, where two opposite parties require projection. Omnidirectional - Sound is picked up in a semi circle configuration. This type of microphone is useful in a setting where people might be seated in a circle, with the microphone centered in the circle. Wired versus Wireless Microphones: Wired Microphone: It is best to use a wired microphone whenever possible. Wireless Microphone: With a wireless microphone, you need to keep track of batteries and charge equipment. Some frequency patterns for wireless microphone setups are actually illegal to use in proximity to, say, an airport or other such facility. Be aware of these sorts of laws and requirements for your geographical area when setting up your sound system with microphone frequencies. Some setups have the ability to host microphones on different channels, even if they are of the same frequency. Earset versus Headworn Microphones: Earset microphones are worn on one ear and are potentially lighter weight than headworn microphones. Headworn Microphones involve hooking mechanisms on both ears, making them more stable and less likely to need adjustment when worn for a longer period of time. Where do you place a microphone? This involves a lot of common sense. Consider the following: What is making noise nearby? What is the shape/acoustic quality of the room? Does the room echo? Are the acoustics such that sound does not carry, that the sound just dies? Beware of magnetic clashing with microphones which causes the sharp squealing noise. Microphone Tips: May need to use a compressor to keep the sound from blowing out. Sometimes the same microphone model will be available in multiple pickup patterns. Ensure that the one that you acquire is the correct pickup pattern to suit your needs. Maintenance of microphone equipment involves keeping it clean and storing it at a good temperature and humidity. For loose sound system cords that need to be temporarily secured, gaffers tape is highly recommended.

In this episode, I speak with Todd Messer, teacher and technology coordinator at a Christian school in New Jersey. Todd is also an active member of his local church, where he volunteers his skills serving in audio. We delve into the nitty gritty of church audio equipment and recommend some ways you can determine what sort of system best fits your church’s audio needs. In order to determine what type of audio equipment would best fit your church’s needs, consider the goals you have for your audio equipment: What kind of amplification do you need? Does your church have 30 members or 500 members? What size is your auditorium(sanctuary?)? What are the acoustics in the building like? Do you plan on broadcasting or recording your audio content? Show notes for this episode are available at waiting-tables.com/episode/basics-of-church-audio-equipment/.

I speak with Joe Gallant of churchtrain.uk, a consultant agency for "Equipping UK churches and volunteers to communicate effectively". Joe helps church leaders think about improving their communications, especially focused on church communications in a digital age. Joe suggests that churches should ask three basic questions about all their communications: What are you saying? What are they hearing? How should you say it? These seem basic and straightforward, yet many church leaders don't step back to reflect on them. This can result in communications being ineffective and confusing. Listen to Joe and I talk about what these questions can help you direct your church communications efforts to help you effectively present yourself to your desired audience and represent your church in an authentic way. Show notes for this episode are available at waiting-tables.com/episode/church-communications-with-churchtrain-uk/.

Show notes for this episode are available at waiting-tables.com/episode/graphic-design-with-matt-heerema/.

I talk with Tim Renshaw about how churches could consider using social media. Show notes are available at waiting-tables.com/episode/social-media-for-churches-101.

I talk with Matthew Sewell about Flocknote, an email and text message based communication tool for churches. You can find Flocknote at Flocknote.com. Show notes for this episode are available at waiting-tables.com/episode/flocknote-church-communication-tool/.

I sit down with Pastor Chad Ashby to talk about logistical and administrative needs of small churches, the value of clear communication, and my vision for Waiting Tables. Show notes for this episode are available at waiting-tables.com/episode/episode-1/.