The Heartless Knaves

If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves.A new dark fantasy audiobook podcast set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, Book I, The Pale Princess, launches with Chapter 1: No Rest For The Wicked on Sunday 7th April 2024. So tell your friends. And your enemies. Especially if it's the last thing they'll ever hear... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A warm welcome to the world of The Heartless Knaves, a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast and novel from Martin Vaux.In this short introductory episode, discover the purpose and nature of the project, then sharpen your daggers, prime your crossbow, and prepare to take vengeance.And maybe do some kissing, if there's time...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace,If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The first chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Christopher, a young grave-robber, does the midnight bidding of Father Nikodemus, a hoary old priest with a penchant for alchemy, trickery, and long-planned insurrection.Expect lashing rain, thunder, lightning, a flooded plague pit full of corpses, and the inner thoughts of a grumpy horse.The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The second chapter of The Pale Princess, in which we meet Sally, who, dressed as a washerwoman, sneaks into a very important castle to get up to some well-planned mischief.Cue a little bit of magic, some tip-top larceny, several guards having the wool pulled over their eyes, and a touch of light-to-moderate murder...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The third chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Christopher, Sally and Father Nikodemus join Nanny, a Grand Mother Superior, to do a spot of make do and mend.Expect a few toots, a little self-flagellation, top-drawer needlework, lots of bewitched leeches, and the resurrection of a pair of our key players...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The fourth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which a painting from a foreign court makes its way to the Grey Keep, enabling Diesirae, the Pale Princess herself, to finally lay eyes on her betrothed.Expect a seedy painter, a silly king, a whole host of new maybe goodies, maybe baddies, and the introduction of the novel's title character...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The fifth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Nanny provides lunch, Nikodemus lays down some groundrules, and Silkin and Rooks get a little bit of clarity.Expect Christopher being afraid, Sally taking things in her stride (and doing a bit more stabbing), religious people being shifty, and irreligious people being shiftier still. And, of course, some mutilation...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The sixth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which we reconnect with Marco, guard at the Grey Keep, who's been given the night off...Expect some detective work, several sex workers, pie, gravy, and a little bit of smut.Plus, a rather gribbly monster...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The seventh chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Nanny drinks a cup of tea, Rooks explains how he communicates, and Sally feels sidelined...Expect a conversation with a goat, Christopher in fresh trousers, the introduction of several feathered friends, some time at a forge, and Silkin making a new, vicious, rather pointy friend...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The eighth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Mildri tans some leather, Rooks acquires some rudimentary footwear, and Silkin gets a snazzy new outfit...Expect a slightly mellower chapter this week, including some stamping in urine, a bit of anxiety, Nanny being mysterious, some corsetry, high heels, and vows for bloody revenge!The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The ninth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Diesirae has a riding lesson, King Umbrago throws his weight around, and Marco's day goes from already very bad to much, much worse...Expect a handsome horse handler, a High Council full of not very nice people, some pears, an unfortunate prison guard, and perhaps the grimmest form of indigestion ever described in fiction.The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The tenth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Father Nikodemus acquires a new mount, Brian gets jealous, and Silkin and Rooks head into town.Expect Sally to be annoyed, Griselda the cat to get a bit sarcastic, a creepy executioner and his rather put-upon dolly girlfriend, and a visit to a rather mysterious optician...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The eleventh chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Diesirae faces up to some uncomfortable truths and Sally undertakes her Second Vow.Expect angry urination, conspiratorial men in hoods, plenty of blood, more than a little magic, and revelation or two about Nanny...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The twelfth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Marco wakes up in a sewer in an unenviable situation, and The Order of the Fens gets down to business.Expect some sinister internal voices, rain, delicious stew, some poop jokes, a bit of Ventricular Sphere action, and Silkin voicing his opinion on his new living arrangements...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The thirteenth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Sally and Silkin go to spy on Vestran's carriages, Rooks sends a letter, and Herild welcomes the gang to Formhall.Expect stories of Silkin's childhood, Mooncaller showing reluctance, Nikodemus preaching, Rooks trying to speak to hares, and Sally eating deeply questionable street foods...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The fourteenth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Umbrago is a creep, Diesirae has some alone time, and the good folk of Sudwork once again encounter The Other...Expect a queen mother being terrorized, a bit of body horror blended with some smut, and Brunhilda seizing the moment just as things get a bit out of hand...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The fifteenth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which an Archbishop tries to exercise his perversion, Sally and Silkin wend their way home, and Diesirae has a training session with a difference...Expect lamb chops getting short shrift, The Other being seen from a distance (then wisely fled from), and the introduction of a very cool sword...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The sixteenth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which the Master of Revels is roused in the night, the gang reunite at the Sunken Abbey, and Umbrago stays up well past his bed time.Expect to meet Beni's wife, Silkin showing off his new sword, Sally losing her patience, Christopher to find an outlet of sorts, and a jolly nice shindig with Sudwork's finest, Brunhilda and Foxglove included...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The seventeenth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Nanny goes to Lludden for the day, The Other is reunited with his body, and Umbrago has his much-needed bath.Expect a chance meeting on a very old road, some revelations about an old optician, a frosty conversation between Nanny and her sister, a plague pit filled with blood, and some musings on what it would be like to transform into a bird...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The eighteenth chapter of The Pale Princess, in which Mildri, Jarn and Old Slag deliver the results of their labour...Expect Silkin being both sweet and a little bit annoying, Jarn getting some horns to the testicles, Sally learning how to shoot a crossbow round corners, and Rooks not only getting tooled up, but finally being equipped with clothes that make him look as he wants to be seen...The Heartless Knaves is a new dark fantasy audiobook podcast featuring clever heists, gory scraps, sad bits, saucy bits, murderous nuns, talking donkeys, and an 8-year-old boy king who won’t take no for an answer.Set in a twisted version of the English Renaissance, the story hinges on the macabre adventures of assassins Silkin and Rooks, who may be dead, their hearts stolen by the church, their severed heads mounted on the royal battlements, but there’s no rest for the wicked...Blending black humour and squishy violence with a whip-smart plot and a cast of loveable rogues, the first book, The Pale Princess, is a bit like a haunted roller coaster: fundamentally unsafe, shuddering in the wind, and threatening to come off the rails as it gathers pace.If you have ever been betrayed, and wanted revenge.If you have ever had your heart cut out, and wanted it back.If you have ever known something was sickeningly wrong, and wanted to wreak havoc in reply, you are one of us.For we are The Heartless Knaves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.