Sex, Love & Elephants with Dr. Cheryl

"Why does my partner keep rejecting me sexually?" "Can you rebuild a sex life after years without sex?" "Why don't I want sex anymore in my relationship?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser shares part two of her special advanced teaching on low desire and sexless relationships, picking up right where part one left off. Cheryl dives deep into responsive desire, the kind that has to be deliberately invited rather than waited for, and walks couples through what a scheduled "sensual date" can actually look like depending on where a couple is starting from. She leads a live touch exercise, unpacks why sex so often becomes purely transactional, and shares the real stories of three couples, married for decades, who went from sexless to sensual again in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s. If you haven't heard part one yet, Cheryl recommends starting there first. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Recap of part one and a listener's painful question about being turned down again and again when trying to initiate intimacy (02:55) Responsive versus spontaneous desire, Rosemary Basson's research, and why spontaneous desire tends to fade in long term relationships (08:44) Why scheduling sensuality is a critical first step, the caveat about not rushing straight into sex, and book recommendations including Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are (15:23) What a scheduled "sensual date" can look like depending on where a couple is starting, including a live guided touch exercise and why touch is a birthright (23:38) A listener's honest share on how timing and vulnerability affect connection, and what to do when scheduled intimacy starts to feel dreaded or anxious (32:42) Real couple stories of reconnecting after years, and even decades, apart (35:59) Addressing the fear that scheduled sex feels transactional, plus today's Love Bite and a first look at Cheryl's upcoming course 💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  "Is it normal to not have sex in a long-term relationship?" "Why don't I feel like having sex anymore?" "How do I get my sex drive back after menopause?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser shares part one of a special two-part series — an intimate, advanced teaching originally given to her Become Passion group on the topic of low desire and sexless relationships. Cheryl unpacks the surprising truth that 30 to 40% of long-term couples aren't making love at all, and makes a heartfelt case for why sensuality still matters, even when it makes up a small percentage of a relationship. She introduces researcher Rosemary Basson's concept of responsive versus spontaneous desire, shares candidly about how menopause changed her own sex drive, and challenges the "goal-directed" model of sex in favor of Dr. Barry McCarthy's "good enough sex." Stay tuned for part two, coming in two weeks. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Why 30–40% of long-term couples aren't having sex at all, and Cheryl's intro to this two-part advanced teaching on desire (03:07) Why sexuality still matters in a chosen monogamous relationship — how making love bonds couples emotionally and spiritually, even as orgasm intensity changes with age (09:31) Responsive vs. spontaneous desire: Rosemary Basson's concept of sexual neutrality, and Cheryl's own story of how menopause changed her libido and orgasms (17:43) The "blue violet dye" analogy — why a small percentage of time being sensual can flavor an entire relationship, and redefining sex beyond intercourse for changing bodies (24:01) Dr. Barry McCarthy's "Good Enough Sex" model: letting go of goal-directed sex, plus a teenage make-out memory that shows desire doesn't require intercourse (29:20) Today's Love Bite: libido is life force & what's coming in part two Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  "How can I make my relationship more fun again?" "Why do long-term couples stop having fun?" "How do I feel more attracted to my partner again?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser tackles a question every long-term couple eventually asks: where did the fun go? Cheryl gives an inside look at the couples retreat she's hosting this week in Whistler, BC, from team cheers and bear tours to a blindfolded canoe race and a Lego-building grand finale, and unpacks the psychology behind why play, adventure, and laughter aren't frivolous, they're foundational. She shares the famous "suspension bridge study," explains why doing something novel and slightly out-of-your-comfort-zone with your partner makes you find them more attractive, and issues a challenge: plan a fun adventure date this month, and share a joke with your partner every other day. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Why having more fun together is one of the most important things a couple can do, plus a first look at Cheryl's Whistler couples retreat, happening the week this episode airs (02:19) The science of play: why humans (and puppies, kittens, and kids) are naturally wired to play, and why growth happens outside your comfort zone (06:02) Inside day one of the retreat: team cheers, a scavenger hunt, and a bear tour, and why "seeing your partner with new eyes" is the real goal (08:48) Why "The Thrill Is Gone" and "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" hit so hard, plus a first announcement: Cheryl's 2027 couples retreat in Mexico (12:26) The blindfolded canoe obstacle course, and the surprising communication lesson it teaches about listening without judgment (15:15) Tricycle races, sponge kayak tag, and the Lego challenge "great leveler," plus Cheryl's challenge to you: plan your own fun adventure date (18:07) The Capilano Suspension Bridge study: the classic psychology research showing why excitement and novelty make us find our partner more attractive (20:53) Cheryl's Passion Triangle model, intimacy, thrill, and sensuality, and how "Become Passion," her 3-month program, is built around it (24:41) This month's challenge: share a joke or cartoon with your partner every other day, plus why "we can always begin again" (27:05) Why a fun date won't make your relationship worse, even if it surfaces some cracks, and how to turn insight into real change (28:58) Today's LoveByte: take yourself less seriously; being a big kid can help you be a better, more in-love couple Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  "How common is it for long-term couples to stop having sex?" "Why don't I feel like having sex with my partner anymore?" "How do I turn my partner on when neither of us is in the mood?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser tackles the topic almost nobody talks about: the 30 to 43% of long-term couples who are in a low-sex or sexless relationship. Cheryl breaks down the two "keys" to what she calls your erotic engine — the body of arousal and the mind of desire — using her own 20-year-old Miata as the perfect analogy for a body sitting in neutral. She also unpacks why the old "spontaneous desire" model most of us grew up expecting doesn't hold up for most long-term couples, why responsive desire (and yes, scheduled sex) is the research-backed antidote, and shares the remarkable story of a couple in their 70s who hadn't seen each other naked in 30 years — and turned it all around. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Why 30–43% of long-term couples are having little or no sex — and the three words Cheryl says to every one of them: you are normal (02:45) A first look at Cheryl's upcoming course, From Sexless to Sensual, plus the old "linear" model of arousal most of us were taught (06:03) The first key to your erotic engine: the body of arousal, and why your body is like a cold sports car sitting in a tent (08:56) The second key: the mind of desire, and how to use anticipation and language to turn your partner on before you're even in the same room (12:13) Busting the myth that men always want sex more than women (15:01) Cheryl's own coming-of-age story and what it taught her about consent, pacing, and knowing your own body (18:14) What changed after menopause — and the real difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire (21:04) The couple who hadn't seen each other naked in 30 years, and how they rebuilt intimacy step by step (23:55) Why most long-term couples start lovemaking from a place of "sexual neutrality" — and why that's not a red flag (26:53) Reframing "normal": why waiting for spontaneous desire can mean waiting forever (29:41) Today's LoveByte: make sensuality a hobby, not an afterthought Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open May 26, 2026 and we begin in June 5th 2026!  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. ON Saturday, May 16 from 10am–1pm PST join me, Dr. Cheryl, live on Zoom for a special FREE Relationship Reboot Workshop designed to help you take stock, reconnect, and create your next step as a couple. Previously only offered inside Become Passion, this live workshop will help you identify what’s working, what’s struggling, and where to focus! Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  "Why do I treat my partner worse than I treat my friends?" "Why do couples fight more under stress than everyday life?" "How do I stop assuming my partner sees things the way I do?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser takes you along on two very different kayaking trips — one a whisper-fight-filled disaster with her husband, the other a hard-won triumph with her best friend — to explore why so many of us treat our partner worse than we'd ever treat a stranger or a friend. Cheryl unpacks why pressure exposes the cracks in a relationship, how a simple communication habit she calls "looking at the other side of the clock" can defuse conflict before it starts, and what the fears we "pack" into our relationships as commitment deepens really say about us. Along the way, she shares sobering research on divorce regret, a hard truth about how couples therapists are (and aren't) trained, and real stories of couples who turned their relationships around after decades of struggle. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Why Dr. Cheryl calls kayaks "divorce boats" and the story of the trip that started it all (04:05) The whisper-fight in the kayak — and what it reveals about how we treat our partner under pressure (07:25) "The other side of the clock": the simple question that turns conflict into cooperation (11:26) A second trip puts the lesson to the test — and a couple proves they're not a "divorce boat" (15:32) Why we're often kinder to friends than to our own partner, and how to change the pattern (19:40) The truth about couples therapy: what to look for — and what to avoid — when seeking help (24:16) The fears we "pack" into a relationship as commitment deepens (28:00) Real couples' stories of turning things around after decades of disconnection (31:07) The surprising research on divorce regret — and why giving up isn't always the answer (33:28) Today's LoveByte: how you handle the cracks that show up under pressure Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz