Can I be with that?

How many times have you tried to ‘calm the F down’ in the midst of a moment where it felt nearly impossible to be calm? Shoulding on yourself for how you need to be more “regulated” or how you “should be better able to deal with this [anxiety, fear, shame, overwhelm etc.] by now…” This tendency to judge and power-over our feelings is something most of us find ourselves doing at one point or another. Oscillating between the actual anxiety and the shame about the anxiety, one feeling feeding the other, the inner tension growing so big we have no choice but to collapse under the weight of it.In today’s wellness obsessed, self optimization oriented culture it’s easy to expect a lot of ourselves when it comes to being “regulated” that frankly, our bodies might not be ready for.And lest we forget to mention the wildly terror filled times we’re living through– the forced famine in Gaza, immigrant families being split, imprisoned and killed on US soil, the supposed “land of the free.” Collective intensity is and has been high for a long while. If we’re present to all of reality, there is no denying that intensity is an inescapable part of this existence. It’s so. darn. appropriate. to have an intense nervous system response to intense collective conditions like these. Rushing to “calm” through this sort of intensity is a lot to ask, and actually not that helpful as it relates to collective change and healing. What if that inner intensity you’re feeling doesn’t need to be ‘calmed down’? What if its actually asking to be met with equal intensity? The intensity of nervous system activation doesn’t need you to calm it down, but it needs you to give it room to exist and so that it can tell you how it needs to be supported. Intensity isn’t a problem to solve, it’s a gift of intelligence from the body pointing you towards a more emergent and real process of healing. Real as in, we’re not powering over ourselves to some egoic version of “healing” but rather letting the body lead the way towards what is good and right for us.Let me explain.Shifting from power-over to power-with dynamics of nervous system support & self careThe nervous system is highly nuanced, it’s not something to be powered over with shoulds and attempts at “fixing” your “dysregulation.” Your nervous system is already working (without conscious effort) on your behalf to help you move towards regulation. It’s wise! It doesn’t really need your interference. It needs your listening, respect and care; which we give by getting to know it and learning to meet and match its intensity with equally as intense care practices– typically in the form of following impulses for movement or action of some kind. We can understand “intensity” in the nervous system as activation or mobilization into a threat response state (i.e. fight/flight/freeze/fixate). This mobilization is a natural and wise aspect of being human; these states are protective and have survival intelligence behind them, and instead of trying to “fix” ourselves out of them, our work is to meet the intensity of those threat responses where they’re at, so they can move us towards safety and thus be completed (rather than stored as accumulative stress or trauma in the body). I want to acknowledge that OF COURSE no one wants to be in a stress state more than they have to be. It doesn’t feel good, and isn’t a sustainable state to be in for long periods of time. The idea of “calming down” is appealing because pain aversion is something we’re biologically wired for, so of course we want to move away from what doesn’t feel good towards something that does. How human of us. And…When we try to rush towards “calm” from a place of internal intensity, we usually find it doesn’t work because we’re trying to bypass the naturally self-regulating intelligence of the body. Nervous system intensity wants to be met and matched with an appropriate level of intensity.Something I often teach clients is that “extreme” (or intense) stresses want to be met with extreme coping skills. This is how we can understand why someone might struggle with something like addiction or eating disorders. Extreme stress begets extreme coping skills to soothe and regulate. When an intense threat response is met with an equally intense safety-seeking behavior, our system perceives that there is enough safety to regulate back towards our zone of presence (i.e. calm), and naturally down regulates. Reaching for an intense/ extreme coping skill is merely our nervous system trying to do its best to move back into safety and presence, or more technically, a parasympathetic state. If we can understand this need to meet and match our nervous system, we can begin to choose on purpose how we want to do that. When we’re younger, we often don’t know how to meet the intensity in our nervous system, so our system defaults to what it does know or can reasonably do. This is how we might find ourselves developing patterns of behavior that at one point helped us soothe, but perhaps now are causing harm (substance use, relational patterns, self harm, shame and inner criticism etc.)The work of shifting these patterns (and thus slowly supporting the nervous system towards new ways of meeting intensity), is to pause and be curious about what the body might want to happen. We might ask ourselves, “Does my body want to move, make a sound, hit, push, yell, dance, hide, run with intensity? Is there some doable way I could follow that impulse right now? What happens inside my system when I do? What shifts do I notice? And what wants to happen next? And next? When we ask ourselves these sorts of questions and listen for that gut-led, intuitive impulse, and follow that without too much analyzing or second guessing, we let our bodies emergently move us towards safety/ presence/ openness in it’s own timing. Following what feels wholesomely good is like following a trail of breadcrumbs– we find our way back to ourselves little bit by little bit, returning to that place of “home” inside.Meeting a bear in the woods doesn’t require calm, it begs for your intensity.Let me offer a real life (albeit admittedly basic) example of why following our impulses is so important: If you were faced with a bear in the woods, your nervous system would cue you to fight or, more likely, flee quickly. That intensity of activation is so appropriate and life saving– the quick intense movement of that fleeing action, followed by resting back into safety once it’s available, cues the nervous system to re-regulate back into safety/ parasympathetic. Imagine if instead of fighting or fleeing in this case, you tries to just immediately calm down? In this example, immediate calm would equal certain death. So how appropriate to respond to the threat by fighting/fleeing to get to safety, so that then you can settle again when its actually safe enough to do so. This sort of “completion” of our threat responses is what we’re all after when it comes to meeting our everyday life stressors, but trouble comes in when:* The intensity of the threat continues for long periods without adequate opportunities to truly return to safety. * The threats we’re facing aren’t actually able to be met in real time with an appropriate physical response. Re: point number two, modern tech has given us access to so much information, some sooo so good, some very intense and horrifying. We’re faced with a lot of intensity via our screens (social media, urgent emails, bills to be paid, quickly changing schedules that need to be adapted to etc.) but we’re not actually moving our bodies to meet the threat. We’re using our minds to think and problem solve our way to safety but the body never gets the chance to recognize physiologically that the threat has been dealt with. So we end up with an accumulation of threat response energy inside, and that energy needs somewhere to go and move. You might worry about adding chaos to chaos, effectively creating more dysregulation, and I completely understand this fear as that’s not what we’re after. The aim is not to add activation to an already maxed out nervous system, it’s to add spaces for that activation to be discharged. The key here is that we’re not consuming more intensity (introducing more stress or sensory input; e.g. doom-scrolling or drinking caffeine when we’re already at the high end of our stress tolerance capacity), we are expending the energy of activation outward, giving it a place to go. Big stress input requires big stress output. An exhale that matches the inhale. Meeting fight & flight with appropriately intense movementMovement is one of the best tools we have for meeting the intensity of our threat responses; it lets the body express our threat response appropriately, making space for that shift towards safety to come after. Most of us (myself included, though I’m always practicing) don’t get nearly enough movement, especially movement that includes appropriate intensity to give that fight/flight energy an opportunity to move through us. Intentionally building in small, doable moments of intense movement that match the intensity of your nervous system is key in being able to not just “find calm” but to truly living into the full range of what it is to be you. When I say small and doable, I mean it. Things like: pushing against a wall, pushups or planks on the floor, a short fast jog or power walk, a vigorous few minutes on the trampoline, 5 mins of body weight exercises, chopping wood, breaking sticks, raking leaves, hitting or squeezing a pillow, singing robustly to loud music… all of these are micro ways we can meet the intensity of activation, honoring the body’s need to express a fight or flight response, rather than trying to bypass it straight to “calm.”I want to be clear that this sort of action is not about “fixing” or eliminating feelings of stress. Think of that as more of a likely perk. We’re not grasping for relief, and it may likely come when we learn how to meet ou

Mara Glatzel (she/her) is a coach, podcast host, and the author of Needy: How to Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty. She teaches fellow needy humans to uncover the most vulnerable and true expressions of themselves, and learn how to deeply tend to their needs. Through her online programs, workshops, and retreats, Mara supports people to reclaim space for their own humanity and create ambitious lives filled with meaning, without abandoning themselves in the process. Find out more at MaraGlatzel.comIn the episode we dig deep into:* Sustainable self care & meeting our needs through the transition into motherhood* Getting to know your needs– experimentation & self advocacy* Growing the capacity & practice of being with Self* The idea of “discipline” and playing with generating discipline that feels both doable, non-shaming and even fun (gasp!)* Generating wellbeing by being present to what’s working & what’s already going well* Building capacity to receive (from other people and Self)* Shifting towards being with the hard stuff, the imperfection without treating it like a problem to be solvedResources/ links mentioned:* Grab a copy of Mara’s book* Visit Mara’s website to learn more about working with her* Follow Mara on Instagram* My free ‘Feel your Feelings’ Toolkit* More info about 1:1 somatic support with me* Check out my free somatic practices here* Get my AWAKE workshop, on demand* Find me on Instagram Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

So– how do we go about meeting burnout in ways that are doable, sustainable, and responsive? What’s really going on in the nervous system when we find ourselves in burnout? And how do we begin to resolve the inner tension that builds inside as we find ourselves in the position of feeling like we can’t go on but we must?This episode explores all of that, and breaks it down in ways that will help you to better understand the wisdom of your nervous system’s burnout response, and support you to actually meet the needs of your system rather than approach healing burnout from a place of “fixing” or “doing to” yourself. Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

I’m elated to share with you our very first podcast guest interview– a conversation with none other than Jan Winhall. Jan is someone I’ve had the pleasure of learning from over the last couple of years through her many online teachings and books. She brings both warmth and clarity to the conversation around trauma and addiction, and her work has been hugely influential in shaping my own practice working with clients in these areas.You can listen to the full episode via your favorite podcast listening app, or jump right to my conversation with Jan via the video below if you prefer watching. Enjoy! Jan Winhall, M.S.W. P.I.F.O.T. is an author, teacher and seasoned trauma and addiction psychotherapist. She is an Educational Partner with the Polyvagal Institute where she offers a three-year training program based on her books Treating Trauma and Addiction with the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model and 20 Embodied Practices for Healing Trauma and Addiction: Using the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model, (Norton) 2025. She is an Adjunct Lecturer at the University of Toronto and a Certifying Co-Ordinator with the International Focusing Institute. Jan is Co-Director of the Borden Street Clinic where she supervises graduate students. She enjoys teaching all over the world.In this conversation Jan and I dug deep into her model, which pulls from Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing framework and Steven Porges’ Polyvagal model and offers a de-pathologizing and embodied approach to how we might heal trauma and addiction. Jan and I talked about:* what she calls the “trauma feedback loop” of addiction* the power of tapping into the Felt Sense as a source of deep inner wisdom that can be a guide through our healing process* hybrid nervous system states and and the nuances of how our nervous system works to keep us safe through traumatic and/or high stress situationsCan I be with that? is a reader-supported podcast & publication. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.There’s so much depth in this conversation and I can’t wait for you to soak in Jan’s wisdom! You can find a plethora of resources available on Jan’s website if you want to dig deeper into her work and offerings.Visuals of Jan’s Felt Sense Polyvagal model are below with two versions, one for clinicians/practitioners and one for clients, respectively:Resources/ links mentioned:* My free ‘Feel your Feelings’ Toolkit* More info about 1:1 somatic support with me* Check out my free somatic practices here * Get my AWAKE workshop, on demand* Find me on Instagram* Learn more about Jan’s Community Practice Groups* Find Jan’s books here Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

If you’ve been here for a bit, you’ve probably noticed the word stability is one I reference often. It’s something clients and I work with regularly in sessions. It’s something I work with daily as a personal resource– one that has been critical for me lately as I’ve been navigating a heavy season of life.But what is stability, exactly? what is it not? And how do we go about building more stability for ourselves through hard times? Listen in or catch the written post on Substack to find out.Current offerings/ other resources:🌊 Get my free Feel your Feelings toolkit here✨ Work with me one-on-one for individualized somatic support.🧿 Get my AWAKE workshop, on demand🎙️ Listen to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, and Substack🌳 Check out my free somatic practices here on Substack📱 Find me on socials: Flashes and Instagram Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

Important links:* Subscribe on Substack* Explore 1:1 somatic support on my website* Get my on-demand workshop, AWAKE to deep dive into learning how to feel & deal with your feelings, melt chronic nervous system freeze, and awaken to the goodness of your life.* Sign up for my newsletter to receive weekly stories, tips and practices from my somatic healing journey to support you on yoursRebuilding our capacity to feel good again, requires us to learn to feel at all, and to feel for stability and safety in the present, so that we might build up an inner well of support that can help us hold the weight of whatever pain we’ve been numbing from inside.One of the best (if not only?) ways we build a sense of felt safety within, is by supporting our nervous system to be present in the here-and-now, when it is safe and comfortable enough to do so.Presence –truly being in the here-and-now with what is– is one of those things that’s “simple not easy” though, for so many reasons we won’t get into right now.This video offers a series of 3 variations of "presence practice” using proprioception, exteroception, and (when you’re ready) interoception.Before you dive in, know that you’ll need a ball, a book, and a safe place to do these practices without the worry of being watched.I hope you enjoy! If you found this helpful, please leave a rating or review in whatever podcast player you're listening on! Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

In these monthly practice episodes I share a mini somatic practice meant to offer embodied support and expand your somatic skillset.This practice explores following the body’s natural impulses (for movement, vocalizations, posture shift, etc. ) to allow for deeper embodied processing and expression of whatever the body is holding.This is particularly lovely practice if you’re feeling like there are no more words left to talk or think about your emotions or stuck-points, and are ready to drop into the body for deeper expression, and perhaps even some completion (i.e. the feelings can process, move through us and fully digest so that they’re no longer stuck in the body).As with any of these practices, please go in with as much non-judgement of your experience as possible. My invitation is to just listen and allow for whatever is arising in you, to bubble up and be there. Trust that your body’s impulses are wise, right-timed and important information the body wants to share.This is a tool I sometimes use in 1:1 sessions as a way to invite a more embodied approach to whatever material we’re talking about.Sometimes it brings an emotional release. Sometimes it brings up interesting information that was unconscious before. Sometimes it just feels good to follow the urge to move, shake, yell etc. and helps bring a deeper sense of presence. Where this practice might take you is always a mystery, and that’s what’s exciting! It can generate movement in the places that might have felt stuck and stagnant before.Another reason this practice is particularly good for fuller expression and completion of emotional waves is that it is non-forcing. We’re not grasping for any sort of result. We’re not digging for pain or wounds or explanations for why we feel the way we do. We’re not rushing into any solutions. We’re just listening and allowing the body to tell us what it’s needing and wanting…And that is the magic of process-oriented somatic work: we honor your body’s timing and trust that wherever it brings you next is the next right thing. This is how we avoid adding creating more disregulation in your system around sensitive topics, because we’re following the body rather than powering over it and trying to manufacture a result (e.g. “release” or “regulation”) .As always, take your time to integrate after this one… sometimes this practice can bring up unexpected and dense emotions, and we want to take extra care to support the body to coming back into present time and finding stability again.Happy practicing! xohollP.S. If you give this a try, I’d love to hear about your experience. Feel free to reply to let me know what came up for you, ask questions, or even just to be seen in your experience. I’m here for it 💗 Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode I share a bit about what I’ve been feeling through Summer… suffice it to say, ugh, “trampled?” “run down?” “shot?” BUT ALSO… soooo soo full from all the goodness, community, sunshine & general loveliness of Summer things. But the pace has been intense.Life heats up (literally & metaphorically!) through Summer, and it’s sometimes tricky to find our footing and cool it when we also want to make the most of this sweet short season. In this episode you’ll find some practical somatic forms of support that have been helping to stabilize my nervous system, bringing me back into presence after feeling swept up by life for the last few weeks! We also talk more in depth about the way the nervous system functions and how we can begin to work WITH our bodies when we become overwhelmed rather that trying to fight or “fix” ourselves.My hope is that if Summer has been feeling like A LOT of a lot for you too, that this episode will support you to feel seen, soften any shame you might be holding around overdoing it (or feeling like you can’t keep up), and leave you with some tools to begin transforming that overwhelm into presence so that you may really soak up Summer’s goodness through the rest of this season! Important links:* AWAKE workshop sales page / waitlist* Find me on Instagram* Become part of my newsletter community* Explore 1:1 somatic support Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome back for another practice episode, where I share a monthly mini somatic practice meant to offer support and expand your somatic skillset.This practice explores the qualities of natural elements (water, earth, air, fire) to support the nervous system. This is a bit longer than our traditional practices, so for accessibility & ease of listening, here are the time stamps for each of the 4 elements:* Orientation: 6m* Water: 12m 30sec* Earth: 18m 30sec* Air: 23m 50sec* Fire: 27m 20sec**I highly encourage you to begin with the orientation practice, and then feel free to skip ahead to any particular element that you feel most intuitively drawn to. Links:* Sign up for the AWAKE workshop waitlist* 1:1 somatic support on my website* Sign up for my newsletter to receive weekly stories, tips and practices from my somatic healing journey to support you on yours* Follow me on Insta* Download a full intro to orientation practice Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

This episode explores the layers of the type of somatic work I practice, which often begins with layer 1, nervous system work, and when there’s enough capacity and stability built in the body, that’s when we can go deeper into layer 2… Layer 2 is where deeper healing actually happens– where we get to know the wounds at their roots, and begin healing at an embodied level. This episode discusses the difference in these layers (both important and necessary!) and offers 4 steps to take IRL to apply this concept and to your own journey of nurturing your nervous sytem & healing stuck & painful patterns. Important links:* Sign up for the AWAKE workshop waitlist* Sign up for my newsletter to receive weekly stories, tips and practices from my somatic healing journey to support you on yours* Find more info about 1:1 somatic support on my website* Download my freebie “7 somatic skills for when you’re spiraling” Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to another practice episode, where I share a monthly mini somatic practice meant to offer support and expand your somatic skillset. This practice centers around pleasure. But here, we’re not talking about lavish, expensive, “guilty” or harmful versions of pleasure. We’re talking about simple, non-intoxicant, non-addictive, not too intense, wholesome human pleasure. We’re talking about ACCESSIBLE sources of pleasure that bring in a deeper sense of presence & connectedness, and pleasure that supports health. We have a tendency to overlook these simple forms of pleasure as too simple to matter. But the truth is simple pleasures, when we’re able to be present to them– to actually notice, slow down with and feel into their goodness, have an undeniable regulating impact on our nervous system. Connection to pleasure is one part of feeling whole, good & alive in our lives. Don’t miss this practice if you’re feeling like you could use a little help feeling good & alive again.Important links:* Sign up for the AWAKE workshop waitlist here* Find more info about 1:1 somatic support on my website here* Sign up for my newsletter to receive weekly stories, tips and practices from my somatic healing journey to support you on yours* Download a full intro to orientation practice here Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

“Resourcing” is a term used quite often in the somatic space, but if you’re new here and not a practitioner of any sort, this term might sound a little strange and clunky to you.This episode is not a list of resources for self care, rather, it’s an exploration of what “resourcing” ourselves actually means– so that we can get beyond the surface level, capitalistic version of self care, and actually build up a toolkit of resources that support our nervous systems in accessible and doable ways.This episode…* gives definition and context to the term “resourcing”* offers multiple frameworks for thinking about your own resources* connects the dots between why resourcing ourselves is CRITICAL for both our individual healing as well as doing our parts to contribute to collective healing and social change* offers ideas for what your resources might look likeImportant links:* Find more info about 1:1 somatic support on my website here* Sign up for my newsletter to receive weekly stories, tips and practices from my somatic healing journey to support you on yours* Download longer-format resourcing practices here* Find me on instagram @hollylowerydavis Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to our first official *practice* episode of this podcast! Each month, my intention is to bring you one somatic practice for you to “try on” and, with any hope, weave into your everyday life. This first practice is about re-balancing the scales of “doing” and “being,” and in it you’ll be prompted to find subtle ways of doing less at a mind, body and practical level. Important links:* Find more info about 1:1 somatic support on my website here* Sign up for my newsletter to receive weekly stories, tips and practices from my somatic healing journey to support you on yours* Download more longer-format practices here Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

This episode explores some of the main contributing people, frameworks and lineages of practice that inform my own work as a somatic practitioner. Namely: Taoism, Buddhism and Blackfoot wisdom, whose principles are woven throughout more modern/ scientific frameworks such as: Hakomi, person-centered psychotherapy, interpersonal neurobiology, somatic parts work, inner relationship focusing and more.This episode felt important for 2 reasons: * To continue giving ya’ll a deeper inside look at what “somatics,” in the way that I practice, really means. Learning how somatics has evolved over the years, and about some of the original underlying principles that inform this work, feels like a necessary piece to understanding what it is we’re really after when we commit to healing work that is grounded in the body.* All too often the indigenous ideals at roots of modern day psychology, embodied practice, philosophy and spirituality are erased; gone un-talked about, swallowed up by the egos of new age thinkers– typically white folks with a myriad of other privileges that afforded them a voice and spotlight. If we envision a more just world, a more “healed” world, then it’s critical that we give credit where credit is due, and honor indigenous origins that underlie much of somatic work. Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

Main topics covered:* What does somatics really mean?* What are the 3 main models for understanding somatics and working in a body-oriented way* The benefits of working in a process-oriented, non-outcomes-based wayLinks:* Learn more about 1:1 somatic coaching here* Sign up for my weekly-ish newsletter* Find me on Instagram“Somatics” is beginning to feel like one of those words that we hear a whole lot of on the internet but perhaps don’t really have a felt understanding for what it really means to do somatic work. This episode breaks that down by giving insight into 3 main models for working somatically; the trauma/discharge/release model, the adjustment model, and the process model.My hope is that by looking at somatics through this 3-model lens, originally coined by Nick Totton in his work around body psychotherapy, you might get a cleared sense for how you want to invite your body to take a more active role in your healing work. Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe

Important links:explore coaching with mesubscribe to my newsletterfind me on instagramHello & welcome! This is the first of many episodes where we will explore what it means to heal at a body-level through practical tools, conversations and real-life stories that support nervous system regulation and reconnection to bodily information. This episode introduces your host, Holly Lowery Davis, her background and journey that led to her somatic coaching practice, and what you can expect from future episodes.Listen in if you’re longing to transform your pain into presence and pleasure, so that you may move towards deeper self-trust, agency and aliveness.Intro/exit music by: Jon Davis & Holly Lowery Davis Get full access to Can I be with that? at somaticcoaching.substack.com/subscribe