What They Don't Say: Sexual Assault and Everything in Between

Sexual assault does not just impact the survivor. The impacts of it can often ripple through an entire family. In this episode, Shannon walks through the basics of what survivors wish their families understood, including how to respond when someone discloses and why trying to “fix it” can cause more harm. She also talks about family dynamics from the survivor side, including the difference between being active and passive in conversations about sexual assault and why it is okay to choose peace and self-preservation over constant correction. Finally, she answers a listener's question about alcohol and consent: "If both people were drunk, is it still sexual assault?" So, grab your drink and toast to the families who are willing to do better. Cheers!Find a rape crisis center near you: https://www.valor.us/get-help/Project Callisto: https://www.projectcallisto.org/Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: Hello@WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

The Epstein Files were supposed to bring transparency. Instead, they exposed what survivors already know: institutions protect themselves first.In this episode, Shannon sits down with Epstein survivor, advocate, and Founder, Jess Michaels, to unpack what’s actually happening with the Epstein Files, why the DOJ’s response matters far beyond this case, and what institutional failure looks like.But this conversation isn’t just about what went wrong. It’s about what we do when institutions don’t show up.They talk about how community care fills the gaps systems leave behind, why sexual assault is an injury first, and how the way we respond to harm can change everything. Follow Jess: https://www.instagram.com/jessmichaelsspeaks/Become a #WithYouToo App Beta Tester: https://withyoutoo.3joannes.com/Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceSend us a message: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Shannon sits down with Aaron Stone, a retired Army combat medic and survivor of sexual assault, to talk about what it means to live in silence for 18 years.Aaron was raped at 15 by someone he trusted. In the aftermath, shame became his motivator—shaping how he survived and why telling the truth didn’t feel possible for so long. He talks about freezing during the assault, then spending years pushing forward anyway, carrying what happened long into adulthood.This episode is for you if you’ve ever questioned why a man didn’t fight back, didn’t tell, or kept going like nothing happened. Cheers!Get in touch with Aaron: www.18winters.comBuy a Consent is Hot™ Hoodie: www.WhatTheyDontSay.com/shopGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

This week’s episode is a crossover conversation with Dave Markel from Sexual Assault Survivor Stories. This conversation centers around what survivors face every day: how people respond when a survivor shares their story, the misunderstandings that follow trauma, and the emotional labor survivors are often expected to carry. Shannon shares insight into the messy, painful, and confusing parts of her own journey, alongside the resilience and clarity that continue to shape her voice and her advocacy.This episode dives into day-to-day survival after trauma, relationships and intimacy, the legal process, and the importance of saying the things that too often go unsaid. Dave's SASS podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/33U3Vn4jGkzNf5weufDnjB?si=c1f725cf41044a06Send Dave an email: dave@sasstories.com Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceSend us a message and/or check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through Buy Me a Coffee . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In this episode, Ray shares her story of being abused at 13, and what happened when the people and institutions meant to protect her didn’t.This conversation explores coercion, fear, and trauma at a young age, as well as the lasting impact of being disbelieved, silenced, and pushed aside by a school system more focused on protecting itself than protecting a child. Ray shares what it’s like to grow up without language for what happened, and how institutional failure can be just as damaging as the abuse itself.If you were hurt when you were young. If the adults or institutions meant to protect you, failed. You’re not alone here. This episode is for you. Grab a blanket and get cozy. Cheers! Follow Ray on socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bluraybeyond/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bluraybeyondBook mentioned: https://a.co/d/dZAuhkEGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us a message: WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

Traumaversaries are the weird little days your body remembers even when your brain swears you are fine. In this episode, Shannon talks about what traumaversaries are and how to move through them without “should” -ing all over your needs.Whether you dread the date, forget the date, feel everything at once, or feel nothing at all, you are not weird, and you are not alone. If you love someone who has been through trauma and you want to support them better on the hard days, this episode will help you, too.Grab your drink and cheers to surviving the days you never should have had to survive. Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceBuy a Consent is Hot™ Hoodie: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

What does it take to feel safe enough to be close again?In this episode, Shannon and Lauren sit down with intimacy expert and trauma survivor Susan Bratton to unpack what rebuilding intimacy looks like after trauma. They talk about how communication builds safety, and why so many survivors struggle to feel touch without fear.Susan shares her story of healing after childhood abuse and how she learned to turn numbness into sensation and shame into sovereignty. It’s a conversation about presence, power, and the possibility of pleasure after pain, and a reminder that rebuilding intimacy isn’t about sex at all. It’s about coming home to yourself. Cheers!Susan: https://susanbratton.com/ Follow Susan: https://www.instagram.com/susanbratton/?hl=enGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out merch & more: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

There were 430,000 rapes in the UK last year. 5 in 6 women never report what happened to them. If reporting feels impossible, the system needs new paths forward. That’s why the organization, Enough, was created.Shannon sits down with Katie White, co-founder of Enough, and Dr. Maisie Johnstone, counseling psychologist and clinical lead, to talk about how they’re giving sexual assault survivors more choice and more agency through a self-testing rape kit, an encrypted place to record what happened, and a digital recovery platform for those who can’t access therapy.They discuss what sexual violence really looks like in the UK, the silence surrounding it, and how reframing words like “delayed realization” and “hyper-sexuality” could change the way we understand sexual assault and healing. Grab whatever’s in your glass and press play. Cheers!Checkout Enough: https://myenough.com/Follow Enough on IG: https://www.instagram.com/enoughtoendrapeFollow Enough on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@enoughtoendrape?lang=en Enough on Youtube: https://youtube.com/@enoughtoendrape?si=mA_Rtx-rLtQmInOjCheck out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

Life after sexual assault looks different for everyone, but no one talks about how it can change your dreams, your work, and your body’s capacity to keep going. In this solo episode, Shannon unpacks how sexual trauma impacts careers and identity, and what it really means to meet yourself where you are in the aftermath. She talks about adjusting to a new normal, why it’s okay to have one, and what strength looks like for who you are now. Let's get cozy and talk about meeting yourself where you are. Cheers! Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceTell the world that consent is hot: WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In this episode, Shannon answers a few of the questions listeners have written in. Drawing from her own healing, a bit of research, and conversations with experts, she offers honest and unfiltered responses to the things survivors are often left wondering. She gets into: – What really counts as sexual assault (and why “gray areas” aren’t gray)– Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn explained– Coping with dissociation– Her honest take on therapy, including EMDR– Red and green flags when dating again after traumaGrab your favorite beverage and join Shannon for this survivor Q&A. Cheers! Learn how your state defines sexual assault: https://rainn.org/take-action/fight-for-justice/state-law-database/Check out the website (& merch!): WhatTheyDontSay.com Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

No one really prepares you for the first days after sexual assault. The confusion. The self-blame. The nonstop “am I crazy for thinking this?” thoughts. It can sometimes feel like your whole world is upside down, and like you’re the only one going through it.In this solo episode, Shannon talks directly to survivors who were recently assaulted, or are just starting to process what happened. She shares why your brain might be doubting itself, why your body feels off, and why needing rest is a non-negotiable.,If you’ve been asking yourself “Is this normal?” the answer is yes. You’re not broken, you’re not alone, and joy will find its way back to you, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.So grab a drink, get cozy, and let’s walk through this together. Cheers! Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out the merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send me an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In Part 2 of our conversation with trauma therapist Cindie Henrie, we talk about what it means for survivors to recognize their own predatory impulses and how anger can be both destructive and productive in the healing journey. We also unpack how trauma lives in the body, how survivors reclaim power through movement and sensation, and what the cycle of abuse can look like behind closed doors—including in places like Hollywood. Cindie brings insight into the minds of perpetrators, the mechanics of trafficking, and how manipulation, denial, and control play out across systems and relationships. It’s raw, it’s honest, and you should stop reading this description and press play already. Cheers!Los Angeles Therapy Network: https://www.latherapynetwork.com/Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress Treatment, LMFT, and BCETS, Cindie Henrie joins us to explore the psychology behind sexual abuse and survival. Cindie shares her experience working with high-risk youth, sex offenders, trafficking survivors, and the LGBTQIA+ community, offering a rare and honest look at the “why” behind predatory behavior. Together, we unpack how perpetrators often carry their own trauma and project it onto their victims, how survivors internalize abuse, and she introduces the "Trauma Triangle". A model in psychology of the victim, rescuer, and perpetrator that keeps people stuck in painful cycles.If you've ever found yourself asking, "Why did this happen?" this episode will help you start making sense of it. Strap in, this is a good one. Cheers!Los Angeles Therapy Network: https://www.latherapynetwork.com/Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our website: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

We’re talking about what happens when you end up in another toxic relationship...one that looks a little too familiar. You saw the red flags. You stayed. Is that your fault?We’re also unpacking the sticky, complicated ways survivors of sexual assault sometimes attach to people who feel safe, like comfort, like healing, like maybe they’ll be able to put us back together. (Spoiler: that’s not their job.) We share our own attachments to people we thought could keep us safe forever and fix us, and why that isn't their job.This episode is about the patterns we don’t always want to admit, and the kind of honesty that can actually move us forward. Grab a drink, get comfy, and let’s get into it. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceOur Website: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In this crossover episode, we sit down with Dave Markel, a retired police detective and host of the Sexual Assault Survivor Stories (SASS) podcast. Together, we explore the complexities of rape culture, the role of humor in conversations about sexual violence, and how trauma impacts the brain long after the event itself.Dave shares insight from his years in law enforcement and his current work with survivors, helping us bridge the gap between the systems that fail and the stories that deserve to be heard. Cheers!Check out Survivor School: https://www.survivor-school.com/free?ref=WTDSListen to Dave's SASS podcast:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/33U3Vn4jGkzNf5weufDnjB?si=e27e90ebc492437eApple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexual-assault-survivor-stories/id1653248814Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our website: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

We talk a lot about survivors and perpetrators. But what about the people caught in the crossfire? In this episode, we sit down with award-winning author and trained SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner), Dianne C. Braley, to talk about the often-ignored reality of secondary victims: the mothers, sons, daughters, and partners of those who cause harm. Her new novel, The Summer Before, is a raw, powerful look at what it means to love someone who’s hurt others, and how those closest to perpetrators are left to navigate their own trauma, shame, and silence. Dianne opens up about growing up with an alcoholic father, loving someone in active addiction, and how society has slowly made space for addiction, but still refuses to acknowledge secondary victims. As a former SANE, she also sheds light on the lack of support built into a system that asks so much of them. Inspired by real events, this conversation and her new book make space for a deeper, more honest conversation about healing. Cheers!Dianne's new book: https://a.co/d/hTXDdRyDianne's first book: https://a.co/d/alURwXKGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Magician and escape artist Gabriella Lester joins us to talk about surviving sexual assault at 16 years old and the brutal years that followed inside the Canadian legal system. From walking into court through the same door as her assailant’s mom, to being told she fought back “too well” for a longer sentence, to attempting to take her own life, Gabriella opens up about what survivors are never warned about.We talk about what it takes to stay alive when the world feels rigged, how your passion can play a part in your healing, and that it is possible to have a full life after sexual assault. We also answer a listener's question: “How do I find myself again after an identity crisis post-assault?” Cheers!Gabriella's Information:Website:https://www.gabriellalester.ca/Tedx Talk: https://youtu.be/QlE3yJw2G0c?si=8z6SDujhhwHDgv55Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegabriellalester/?hl=enGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comWant some merch? WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

Sexual assault is one of the most violating experiences a person can go through, but why does it hurt so much? In this episode, we break down the impact of sexual assault in a way that actually makes sense. From what trauma does to the brain to how it strips away autonomy, to the way society twists the narrative- we’re talking about all of it. Healing isn’t linear, but understanding what happened to you is a step forward. Let’s talk about it. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comBuy merch: whattheydontsay.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

What happens when the person your entire town admires is the same person who assaults you? This week, we sit down with Allyson Kreps, a child and family psychotherapist and survivor, to talk about the brutal reality of coming forward about sexual assault.Allyson shares her story of how Mark Langford, owner of Amic Lake Maintenance and Storage in Magnetawan, Ontario, drove her hours away from home and assaulted her. She shares her 6-year legal battle and how she fought for justice, not just for others, but for herself. We dive into the backlash survivors face when they speak out, the retraumatization of the legal system, and what it means to reclaim yourself after trauma. We also answer a listener question:
"How do you work through self-blame? Like logically knowing it wasn’t your fault but not believing it?"This episode is raw, powerful, and a testament to why survivors keep fighting, even when the world wants them silent. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comWant to wear consent is hot merch? whattheydontsay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Ever had a wild shower thought? Same. Ever had a million-dollar idea come to you in a dream? Well, Shirah Benarde did, and it was a game-changer. At just 16, she became the co-founder of NightCap, a wearable drink-spiking prevention product. Shirah joins us to talk about the frustrations of getting people to care, being a young woman in business, building communities that create real change, and the fight to make safety a priority. And remember... don't forget your NightCap. Protect your drink, protect your peace. Cheers! Get connected with Shirah & NightCap:https://nightcapit.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoquLeR_AUhZJmxLMdv6NsKrxHglXjQkohmuZ3RxTyTME3bYaorGFollow NightCap on socials: https://www.instagram.com/nightcapit/?hl=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@nightcapit?lang=enFollow Shirah: https://www.instagram.com/shirahbenarde/?hl=enGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: WhatTheyDontSayThePodcast@gmail.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)