Divorce Happens

There is a particular kind of grief that comes from sitting in a school auditorium, watching your child on stage, and realizing you are not really there. Your body is in the seat, but your mind is in the lawyer's office, in the bank account, in the question of what happens next. In this episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell opens up about the early days of her own divorce, when anger made her feel robbed of time with her kids, and asks the question so many people going through divorce are afraid to say out loud: is it okay to feel joy while everything is falling apart?To answer it, Olivia sits down with Fresh Starts Expert Lisa Lisser, a certified divorce coach and founder of LZL Coaching whose path runs from attorney to nonprofit leader to Jewish educator and spiritual counselor. Lisa brings all of it to this conversation, drawing on the holiday of Sukkot, when families build a temporary, fragile shelter with a roof open enough to see the stars, and are told to feel joy inside it. For Lisa, that is the emotional work of divorce in a single image: you are living in a temporary structure that feels like it will never end, and you are still allowed to eat, to learn, to invite people in, and to look up. As she puts it, "You can't command joy, but I could set myself up so that at least I have the opportunity to feel joy."What follows is a gentle, practical conversation about finding joy during divorce without pretending the hard parts are gone. Lisa walks through how to be present for your kids for one 45-minute recorder concert, why rumination disconnects you from yourself, and how releasing guilt opens the door to small moments of light, whether that is a granddaughter's smile or a rerun of a show you forgot you loved. Listeners will leave with two mindset shifts for divorce recovery and co-parenting: you do not have to wait until the divorce is over to feel good again, and you do not have to go through this fragile season alone. If you have been telling yourself you are not ready for joy, this episode offers both permission and a place to start.Learn more about Lisa Lisser: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/lzl-coaching🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

This week's letter is a tender one. A listener wrote in after a pregnancy loss, holding the rainbow baby they prayed for and quietly planning to end their marriage. Everyone around them says how lucky they are. And they are grateful. They're also grieving the baby they lost and the marriage they're leaving, and feeling guilty about all of it. Their question was simple and enormous: "I don't know how to hold the joy and the grief at the same time. How do I hold both?" Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, it felt like the right time to answer it.In this Hey Olivia episode of Divorce Happens, I start with what I most want anyone in this spot to hear: you don't have to pick one feeling to be the real one right now. Grateful and heartbroken can live in the same body on the same day. A rainbow baby doesn't erase a pregnancy loss, and the loss doesn't take anything away from the joy. We talk about why everything feels so loud with a newborn (the exhaustion, a body that's still healing, and a huge decision sitting in the middle of it all), why the guilt of being sad during "the happiest chapter" is a script you're allowed to set down, and why it's okay to grieve the marriage itself. Loss can pull two people closer or quietly pull them apart, and sometimes it does both along the way.You'll leave with a few small, practical things to hold onto: a way to give the baby you lost a place that's just yours, one kind sentence for the "but you finally got your baby" comments, and a two-list exercise for the days when gratitude and grief show up together. I also talk about the support that can carry this with you, from a therapist who understands pregnancy loss and perinatal grief to a divorce coach who can take on the logistics. If you're navigating divorce after pregnancy loss, divorce with a newborn, or any season where joy and grief are sharing the same room, this one is for you. Nothing is wrong with you. Both belong.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

There is a particular kind of grief that comes with realizing you are not going to be with your children every day anymore. For so many moms going through divorce, especially women who have spent years as the primary caregiver, co-parenting isn’t simply a new schedule—it can feel like an entirely new identity. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Kristina St. Cyr, certified divorce coach, divorced mom, and founder of Kristina St. Cyr Coaching, to talk honestly about the emotional whiplash of early co-parenting after divorce: letting go of control, learning to trust a new family structure, and figuring out how to protect your own peace while still putting your children first.Kristina works primarily with women who have reached the threshold of divorce—they know something has to change, but they have no idea what comes next. She explains why the transition to shared parenting can feel especially destabilizing for moms who previously carried the mental load, managed the schedules, made the decisions, and built the infrastructure of family life. Together, Olivia and Kristina unpack practical co-parenting tips after divorce, including creating written communication systems, establishing specific parenting schedules and exchange times, and setting boundaries around each parent’s responsibilities. Sometimes saying, “I’m not available—that is your parenting time,” can feel uncomfortable. But Kristina reminds listeners that consistency and predictability aren't just boundaries for parents; they can also create security for children navigating divorce.And perhaps the most reassuring message in this conversation is that you do not have to figure out your entire co-parenting future today. Kristina encourages overwhelmed moms to break divorce recovery into manageable pieces: choose one boundary, one conversation, or one decision you can handle today and allow that success to become evidence that you can handle the next thing, too. Co-parenting after divorce may never look like the family life you once imagined, but with clear expectations, thoughtful boundaries, and a child-centered approach, it can become something steadier, healthier, and more sustainable—for your kids and for you.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

College can feel impossibly far away when your children are young and you’re in the middle of a divorce. And then, somehow, senior year arrives—and suddenly you’re staring at FAFSA forms, financial aid applications, college lists, divorce agreements, remarriages, and the terrifying realization that some schools now cost close to six figures a year. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Vicki Vollweiler, founder of College Financial Prep, to unpack what divorced and separated parents need to know about paying for college, applying for financial aid, and creating a college strategy long before acceptance letters start arriving.Vicki breaks down FAFSA for divorced parents, the CSS Profile, need-based financial aid, merit scholarships, student loans, and one of the biggest sources of confusion for divorced families: whose financial information actually counts. FAFSA generally looks at the parent providing more financial support to the student, while some colleges using the CSS Profile may request financial information from both parents—and potentially stepparents, too. That means divorce agreements, remarriage, household finances, and co-parenting dynamics can all affect the college financial aid process. Just as importantly, Vicki explains why parents should talk openly about the college budget early, without necessarily sharing every detail of their income or assets, so a teenager doesn’t spend senior year falling in love with a school the family was never realistically prepared to afford.But underneath all the forms and financial strategy is something much more emotional: this is your child’s future, and for divorced parents, college may be one of the first major milestones that forces old family dynamics back to the surface. Vicki shares how she sometimes acts as an intermediary for parents who cannot communicate directly and why planning as early as 10th or 11th grade can reduce conflict, guilt, resentment, and financial stress later. Her simplest first step for overwhelmed parents? Find the tax return you’ll need for FAFSA. You do not have to solve college today. You just need to start building a strategy—because after divorce, clarity around college costs can give both parents and their child more choices, not fewer.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

It’s time to retire the phrase “failed marriage.” A marriage can last twenty years, contain children and homes and illnesses and inside jokes and terrible fights and beautiful vacations, and still come to an end. None of those years disappear simply because the relationship eventually becomes something that can no longer continue. In this solo episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell challenges one of the most damaging cultural beliefs surrounding divorce: the idea that the end of a marriage is automatically proof that somebody failed.Olivia explores how the fear of becoming “the divorced woman” can keep people trapped in marriages long after they have stopped asking whether the relationship itself is healthy. Instead, the questions become: Did I try hard enough? Did I choose the wrong person? Am I selfish? Did I fail my children? But a person is allowed to make decisions using the information they have now—even if the younger version of themselves made a different decision years ago. Divorce does not require rewriting the entire marriage as a mistake, either. You can have loved someone deeply and still know you cannot live with them anymore. You can remember beautiful years while acknowledging painful ones. You can feel relieved and devastated, miss your former spouse and never want the marriage back, or know divorce is right and still grieve what is ending.Ultimately, this episode asks listeners to reconsider how we measure relationship success. Longevity alone cannot tell us whether a marriage was loving, healthy, safe, or fulfilling. Staying married is not automatically the same thing as succeeding at marriage—and ending one is not automatically failure. For anyone navigating divorce recovery, questioning an unhappy marriage, grieving the end of a relationship, or struggling with shame after divorce, Olivia offers a different framework: your marriage ending is a fact about your life, not a verdict on your life. There is no prize for suffering quietly forever. You get one life, and you are allowed to make decisions about how you want to live it.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/