Uncomfy: Sticking with Moments That Challenge Us
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Description
Real stories from guests who dared to get uncomfortable in a moment that challenged their worldview. In the thick of intense emotions, they chose to stay curious and open, rather than lash out or shy away, and came out the other side with stronger relationships, clearer beliefs, and increased confidence. And you can do it too!
So, if you:
• Want to engage with others on important topics but aren’t sure how,
OR
• Are burned out on social media and wish you could bring the humanity back into discussions online or in real life,
Look no further! Whether you're a seasoned seeker of new ideas or just dipping your toes into the uncomfy waters, this podcast is your go-to destination for learning how to improve your communication, disagree more productively, and be a more inspired leader.
In such a polarized world, we believe learning how to stick with moments that challenge us, without getting defensive or shutting down, is a direct antidote for division.
Are you ready to lean in, listen up, and get uncomfy with us? Let's dive in together!
Uncomfy: Sticking with Moments that Challenge Us is hosted by journalist Julie Rose and is a BYUradio production.
#reallifestories #communication #polarization #relationshipskills #communicationskills #leadershipskills #leadershiptraining #community
#communitybuilding #disagreebetter #buildingbridges #perspectives #worldview #resilience #emotionalresiliance #mentalhealth #training
#mindfulness #conflictresolution #growthmindset #empowerment #problemsolving #respect #curiosity #activelistening #collaboration
So, if you:
• Want to engage with others on important topics but aren’t sure how,
OR
• Are burned out on social media and wish you could bring the humanity back into discussions online or in real life,
Look no further! Whether you're a seasoned seeker of new ideas or just dipping your toes into the uncomfy waters, this podcast is your go-to destination for learning how to improve your communication, disagree more productively, and be a more inspired leader.
In such a polarized world, we believe learning how to stick with moments that challenge us, without getting defensive or shutting down, is a direct antidote for division.
Are you ready to lean in, listen up, and get uncomfy with us? Let's dive in together!
Uncomfy: Sticking with Moments that Challenge Us is hosted by journalist Julie Rose and is a BYUradio production.
#reallifestories #communication #polarization #relationshipskills #communicationskills #leadershipskills #leadershiptraining #community
#communitybuilding #disagreebetter #buildingbridges #perspectives #worldview #resilience #emotionalresiliance #mentalhealth #training
#mindfulness #conflictresolution #growthmindset #empowerment #problemsolving #respect #curiosity #activelistening #collaboration
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What would you do if you planned an event and nobody showed up?
Michael Wilker knows exactly how that feels. One night, after years of organizing a monthly meetup, he sat alone at a bar waiting for people that never came. It was awkward, humbling, and it almost made him quit.
But he didn’t.
Instead, Michael kept showing up, and, over time, that simple decision helped grow a small gathering of six dads into a thriving community of more than 400 men in his neighborhood.
ABOUT GUEST
Michael Wilker is one of the co-founders of Del Ray Dads, a grassroots community of 400+ men in Alexandria, Virginia.
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:48) Nobody Showed Up
(3:37) How Del Ray Dads Began
(4:50) The Listserv
(6:40) Support in Grief
(8:54) Bollywood Dance Rehearsals
(12:15) Rules That Prevent Drama
(13:37) Why It Lasts
(15:05) Conclusion
What if the people who seem the most “put together” are actually struggling the most?
Clinical psychologist Dr. Margaret Rutherford unpacks something she calls “Perfectly Hidden Depression” — the kind of struggle that hides behind achievement, perfectionism, and a life that looks flawless from the outside.
Dr. Rutherford shares how perfectionism can become emotional armor protecting us from pain, but also disconnecting us from real feelings, real relationships, and even ourselves.
ABOUT GUEST
Dr. Margaret Rutherford is a clinical psychologist, TEDx speaker, and author of several books. Her latest is “The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook” (https://drmargaretrutherford.com/).
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:49) Therapist Tells Her Truth
(3:31) Fear of Being Judged
(5:43) What is Perfectly Hidden Depression
(7:21) Perfectionism as Armor
(10:45) Emotional Range Shrinks
(12:33) First Steps Toward Change
(15:09) Transparency Over Vulnerability
(16:52) Julie Reflection and Conclusion
When someone calls 911, they’re not just asking for help, they’re handing over everything.
Author and former paramedic Kevin Hazzard takes us inside his very first cardiac arrest call: a Thanksgiving dinner, a grandmother collapsing at the head of the table, and a room full of people waiting for a miracle that might not come.
But the moment that stayed with him isn’t what you’d expect.
ABOUT GUEST
Kevin Hazzard is an author, journalist, TV and film writer, and former paramedic. His memoir is called “A Thousand Naked Strangers.” His new book is “No One’s Coming: The Rogue Heroes Our Government Turns to When There’s Nowhere Else to Turn” (https://a.co/d/0eVCVDLA)
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(1:00) Meet Kevin Hazzard
(1:25) Thanksgiving Cardiac Arrest
(4:29) Aftermath and Family Grace
(5:48) Medicine on Display
(7:30) Why the Job Hooks You
(9:47) Tourist to True Believer
(12:03) Mortality and Presence
(13:09) Burnout and Wake Up Call
(16:09) What Heroism Really Means
(18:37) The New Book
(20:00) Conclusion
What if the goal of disagreement isn’t to win but to build a bridge to the next conversation?
Harvard Kennedy School professor Julia Minson studies one thing: how to disagree better. In this episode of Uncomfy, she shares why most of us confuse disagreement with conflict and how that mistake quietly damages our closest relationships.
From ballroom dancing arguments with her husband to a life-and-death disagreement with her mother’s oncologist, Julia explains the powerful difference between being receptive and being persuaded.
“You don’t have to give in to make someone feel profoundly heard.”
ABOUT GUEST
Julia Minson is a professor of public policy at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government and author of the new book, “How to Disagree Better” (https://www.juliaminson.com/)
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:56) Meet Julia Minson
(1:30) Kitchen Dance Disagreement
(4:12) Disagreement vs Conflict
(6:07) Studying Disagreement
(7:18) Receptive Not Persuaded
(8:43) Mom’s Doctor Story
(13:01) Listen With Your Mouth
(15:08) HEAR Framework Breakdown
(19:12) Authenticity and Practice
(21:03) Conclusion
What do you do when you hear your child’s teacher may be treating them unfairly — and you hate confrontation?
Caitlin Kindred shares the phone call that left her shaking… and forced her into “mama bear” mode. What started as an uncomfortable school conflict led to something unexpected: her son’s ADHD diagnosis — and ultimately her own diagnosis at age 38.
ABOUT GUEST
Caitlin Kindred is a mom, former middle school teacher, and co-host of the podcast “How to Be a Grownup: A Humorous Guide for Moms” (https://www.ckandgkpodcast.com/)
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:46) A Call from A Concerned Parent
(3:09) Avoiding Confrontation
(4:18) Email and Meeting Plan
(5:32) ADHD Discovery
(7:40) Late Diagnosis Validation
(9:49) ADHD Traits and Time
(11:30) Parenting With ADHD
(13:15) News Stress and Boundaries
(16:22) Conclusion
What if one big question could change your life?
Kalina Silverman became known around the world for walking up to strangers and skipping the small talk. Instead of “How’s the weather?” she asks questions like:
- What are you proud of?
- What’s been the darkest time of your life—and how did you get through it?
- What do you want to do before you die?
She calls it Big Talk, and she thinks everyone should be doing it.
ABOUT GUEST
Kalina Silverman is the creator of Big Talk (@makebigtalk on Instagram and Tik Tok) and author of the new book, “Big Talk: How to Skip the Small Talk, Make Meaningful Connections, and Enrich Your Life” (https://www.kalinasilverman.com/)
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:41) Meet Kalina Silverman
(1:39) The First Big Talk Experiment
(2:59) The Simple Intro That Works
(4:35) The Magic of Talking to Strangers
(6:16) Big Talk 101
(7:31) Big Talk Conversations After Disasters
(9:42) Listening Without Fixing
(10:20) Who the Book Is For
(11:39) Personal Impact
(12:57) Conclusion
What happens when someone you love doesn’t react the way you do to something that feels viscerally wrong?
After the fatal shooting of Renee Good by an ICE agent in Minneapolis, Anne Marie Denman texted her mom, and what followed was a conversation that could have deepened a painful divide. Instead, it deepened their connection.
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:42) Meet Anne Marie Denman
(2:05) Mom Checks In—And the Reply That Stung
(4:34) Catching Dysregulation & Choosing a New Response
(5:32) Naming the Real Issue
(8:03) The Risk of Uncomfy Conversations
(8:59) Her Mom’s Response (and Why It Was Enough)
(10:07) A Troubled History and What the Email Changed
(13:18) How Their Family Stays Connected Through Deep Differences
(15:52) Why Anne Marie Shares Her Story
(18:27) Conclusion
What if the problem isn’t disagreement — it’s how we ask the question?
Shira Hoffer was a freshman at Harvard when she asked what she thought was a simple, honest question and got completely shut down. That moment launched her into studying and helping others with something all of us are wrestling with right now: how to stay curious when conversations get tense.
ABOUT GUEST
Shira Hoffer is the Executive Director of The Viewpoints Project (https://viewpointsproject.org).
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/why-asking-questions-feels-so-risky.html
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(1:04) Meet Shira Hoffer
(1:25) Shira's Classroom Experience
(5:19) The Viewpoints Project
(6:27) The Science of Curiosity
(9:49) Navigating Difficult Conversations
(14:12) A Disagreement Gone Wrong
(19:26) Conclusion
What happens when three people with completely different identities and perspectives speak up in the same room, each saying they don’t feel safe?
In this episode, Raj Vinnakota shares a powerful moment from a university auditorium where tension was thick, fear was real, and the stakes couldn’t have been higher. He unpacks what it actually takes to create spaces on campus (and in everyday life) where people with deeply different views can stay present, curious, and human.
We’re all in the same boat. The question is: how do we stay in it together?
ABOUT GUEST
Raj Vinnakota is the president of the Institute for Citizens and Scholars (https://citizensandscholars.org/).
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/free-speech-fear-and-fixing.html
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(1:12) Meet Raj Vinnakota
(2:20) The Conservative Student's Question
(4:28) The Pro-Choice Lesbian's Perspective
(7:04) Safety and Engagement on Campus
(9:19) Creating a Culture of Productive Conversations
(11:46) Personal Practices for Better Conversations
(13:52) Raj's Personal Experience with Disagreement
(15:58) Conclusion
Why being alone feels so hard—and how solitude can make you healthier, calmer and more connected.
Robert Coplan spent months on the road as a solo musician, driving through the southern U.S. with long stretches of boredom, isolation, and nowhere to escape his own thoughts. Then he made one small shift that turned his misery into meaning.
Coplan has since spent his career studying solitude—why we resist it, what it gives us when we stop fighting it, and how too little “me time” can leave us stressed, irritable, and disconnected.
GUEST
Robert Coplan is a professor of psychology at Carleton University and author of “The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Overconnected World” (https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Joy-of-Solitude/Robert-J-Coplan/9781668053423)
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/why-being-alone-might-be-exactly-what.html
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(1:05) Meet Robert Coplan
(1:28) From Musician to Psychologist
(3:17) The Joy of Solitude
(5:28) Experimenting with Solitude
(10:32) The Role of Technology in Solitude
(13:08) Loneliness vs. Solitude
(15:46) The Concept of "Aloneliness"
(17:09) Normalizing the Need for Alone Time
(18:12) Conclusion
What do you do when your values clash with the people you love most?
Licensed clinical social worker and author Kelsey Blahnik joins Uncomfy to challenge the growing “no-contact” trend and offer a more nuanced alternative she calls The And Way—a framework for holding your convictions and staying in relationship.
Kelsey Blahnik’s book, The And Way: Assertive Peacemaking in a Divided World — https://theandwaypress.com
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/why-cutting-people-off-isnt-always.html
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(1:00) Meet Kelsey Blahnik
(1:36) A Dinner Gone Awkward
(3:03) Navigating Disagreements
(4:20) Therapeutic Insights
(5:57) Balancing Relationships and Boundaries
(7:54) Practical Examples
(11:20) “The And Way” in Personal Life
(12:21) Conclusion
Father Francis Gargani entered religious life as a teenager and has remained in the Church through seasons of change, challenge, and growth. Over the years, his ministry has taken many forms—from parish life and campus ministry to caring for people with AIDS and walking alongside LGBTQ Catholics seeking spiritual community. Throughout it all, he reflects on what has helped him stay rooted: community, prayer, and a deep trust in God’s presence.
Together, host Julie Rose and Father Francis explore what it means to stay when faith becomes uncomfortable and how community, compassion, and a deep conviction in God’s love can sustain a life of service.
ABOUT THE GUEST
Father Francis Gargani was ordained a Roman Catholic priest in 1971 and is a member of the Redemptorists of Baltimore Province (https://redemptorists.net/).
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/serving-on-edges-60-years-of-catholic.html
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:37) Meet Father Francis Gargani
(1:08) Early Religious Journey
(4:14) Challenges in Pastoral Ministry
(7:35) Campus Ministry and AIDS Outreach
(11:30) LGBTQ Outreach and Controversy
(13:53) Intentional Communities and Modern Ministry
(17:12) Finding Peace and Staying Hopeful
(19:23) Conclusion
How would you react if thousands of strangers chose to berate you online?
Adam Becker, CEO of HeadOn, shares what happened when he, a Jew living in Israel, began video-chatting with complete strangers online right after October 7th, 2023. Some insulted him. Some threatened him. But instead of clicking away, he chose to stick it out.
Through thousands of conversations, Adam discovered surprising ways to humanize conversations that usually turn hostile. Those experiments eventually became the foundation for HeadOn, a platform where AI helps match people, set conversational “challenges,” and reduce misunderstanding.
ABOUT THE GUEST
Adam Becker is the CEO of HeadOn, an online platform designed to help people have good-faith conversations about deeply divisive issues including the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. (https://headon.ai)
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/he-let-strangers-yell-at-him-and-it.html
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:37) Meet Adam Becker: CEO of HeadOn
(2:36) Experimenting with Conversations on Chat Apps
(3:54) Handling Hostility and Building Understanding
(7:53) Humanizing Through Shared Experiences
(10:05) Scaling Conversations with AI
(11:13) How HeadOn Matches and Moderates Conversations
(15:13) The Goal: Reducing Misunderstandings
(16:58) Conclusion
Pastor and author Bob Fabey shares a moment that changed the way he sees people forever — when an elderly woman collapsed in a grocery store and shoppers literally stepped over her to check out.
Host Julie Rose and Father Fabey explore why fear, inconvenience, and social conditioning keep us from stopping, even when we know someone needs help. From everyday moments of discomfort to the devastating consequences of dehumanization, this conversation examines what happens when we stop seeing people as people.
ABOUT THE GUEST
Bob Fabey is a pastor at Living Faith Anglican Church in Tempe, Arizona, author of “Not My Jesus” and “The Dignity Gap,” and a TEDx speaker whose work focuses on dignity, faith, and human connection. (https://www.bobfabey.com/)
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/why-helping-stranger-feels-so.html
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:18) Meet Bob Fabey
(0:55) A Woman Collapses in a Grocery Store
(2:36) When People Are Stepped Over Instead of Seen
(3:16) The Rationalizations We Make to Avoid Helping
(4:11) Fear, Inconvenience, and Choosing to Be Uncomfy
(5:32) Learning to Practice Compassion in Real Time
(7:24) A Teacher Who Changed Everything
(10:27) Dignity vs. Respect
(11:24) Loving People You Don’t Like
(12:49) Rwanda and the Cost of Dehumanization
(15:48) Final Thoughts
Happy New Year! As many of us think about fresh starts, healing strained relationships might be part of that journey. Today, host Julie Rose revisits a powerful conversation with Justin Jones-Fosu, meaningful work researcher and author of “I Respectfully Disagree: How to Have Difficult Conversations in a Divided World.”
Justin shares the deeply personal story of reconciling with his father after years of distance and hurt — not by seeking an apology, but by choosing curiosity over assumptions and conversation over confrontation. His insights remind us that reconciliation doesn’t always require agreement. Sometimes it simply asks us to stay on the road with people instead of “taking the exit.”
Learn more about Justin Jones-Fosu’s work - https://workmeaningful.com/
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(1:46) Justin Jones-Fosu on Avoidance and Curiosity
(2:35) A Personal Story of Reconciliation
(5:00) The Concept of 'Taking the Exit'
(12:47) The Circles of Grace Challenge
(16:27) Conclusion
How do you stay curious when someone’s words feel like a personal attack?
In this replay episode—perfect for a season full of family gatherings, big emotions, and unexpected disagreements—host Julie Rose sits down with theologian, author, and podcast host Kaitlyn Schiess (The Ballot and the Bible; The Holy Post).
Kaitlyn shares real stories from her life and ministry that reveal what’s actually going on beneath our most heated conflicts. She explains why political or theological disagreements often feel so personal, how family and identity shape our reactions, and what it takes to ask better questions when the conversation gets tense.
Learn more about Kaitlyn Schiess’ work - https://kaitlynschiess.com/
We’d love to hear how you’ve navigated disagreement in your faith community. Email us at uncomfy@byu.edu or connect with us on social media.
CHAPTERS
(0:00) Introduction
(0:19) Introducing Kaitlyn Schiess
(2:21) Kaitlyn Schiess on Teaching Kids
(3:36) Navigating Tough Conversations
(8:48) Personal Stories of Conflict
(17:05) Theological and Practical Reasons for Engagement
(21:26) Kaitlyn's Upcoming Projects
(21:46) Conclusion
Episode originally aired on January 25, 2025.
When Amy Dott Harmer, executive director of the Utah Refugee Connection, discovered a forgotten note tucked inside Santa’s chair after a holiday celebration for refugees, she didn’t know what to do. The letter listed humble wishes: clothes, diapers, even toilet paper. Overwhelmed and out of time, Amy turned to social media, and that’s when Lenice Paulsen stepped up.
In this special Light the World episode of Uncomfy, host Julie Rose talks with Amy Dott and Lenice about how an uncomfortable moment turned into a Christmas miracle and how paying attention to the needs around us can change lives.
Learn more about Light the World, a global invitation by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to spread light and serve others during the holiday season: https://www.lighttheworld.org
Check out Utah Refugee Connection - https://serverefugees.org/
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/12/a-lost-letter-strangers-kindness-and.html
CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction
00:44 The Gathering of Light Celebration
01:53 The Letter to Santa
05:13 Lenice's Response and Action
07:20 Delivering Christmas Miracles
10:30 Reflections on Light and Service
12:08 Conclusion
When’s the last time you took a hard look at your own side?
Political columnist and foreign policy expert Shadi Hamid joins Uncomfy to talk about the difficult, often painful process of changing your mind — especially when it means challenging the people on your own side.
Hamid, once an outspoken critic of American power and an anti-war activist, now argues the opposite in his new book, “The Case for American Power.” In this episode, he opens up about:
- His post-9/11 political awakening
- Why he went from protesting U.S. power to believing it’s sometimes the only moral option
- Cognitive dissonance around U.S. foreign policy
- Why progressives shouldn’t give up on influencing American power from within
- How we can disagree deeply while still living together in a democracy
Shadi Hamid’s new book, “The Case for American Power” - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Case-for-American-Power/Shadi-Hamid/9781668031889
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/12/from-anti-war-activist-to-defender-of.html
CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction
00:45 Introducing Shadi Hamid
01:34 Shadi Hamid's Formative Years and Political Awakening
04:23 The Evolution of Shadi Hamid's Views on American Power
07:37 The Role of Identity and Experience in Shadi Hamid's Perspective
11:08 A Call to Action for Progressives
15:39 Conclusion
When Tucson mom Rachel Scholes stopped to help a homeless woman on the side of the road, she didn’t know what to do next. Years later, she learned that her small act of kindness had changed a life forever.
This heartwarming true story reminds us that no act of service is wasted even when it feels small or inconvenient.
This episode is part of the “Light the World” initiative, a global invitation from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to spread light and serve others during the holiday season. Learn more and find ways you can serve at https://www.lighttheworld.org/.
Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/12/i-picked-up-stranger-and-it-changed.html
CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction
00:11 Light the World
00:40 Rachel's Story: An Ordinary Morning in Tucson
01:30 Meeting Jackie
03:01 Bringing Jackie Home
09:15 The Unexpected Reunion
13:20 Reflections on Service and Faith
16:03 Conclusion
This week, we’re sharing something a little different on Uncomfy. Our host, Julie Rose, joins Michael Lee on his podcast When We Disagree—a show about arguments, why we have them, and what they teach us about ourselves.
In this conversation, Julie opens up about one of her deepest regrets: a long-running disagreement with her late mother over what news she watched. It’s a raw, personal reflection on how our emotions can block us from seeing the people we love with compassion and curiosity.
Listen to more episodes of When We Disagree - https://whenwedisagree.buzzsprout.com/2311101
Connect with Julie on social media - https://linktr.ee/i_am_julie_rose
CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction to Uncomfy and When We Disagree
04:02 Julie's Story – A Disagreement with Her Late Mother
12:01 Reflecting on Regrets and Lessons Learned
22:42 Conclusion
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