Uncomfy: Sticking with Moments That Challenge Us

What happens when three people with completely different identities and perspectives speak up in the same room, each saying they don’t feel safe? In this episode, Raj Vinnakota shares a powerful moment from a university auditorium where tension was thick, fear was real, and the stakes couldn’t have been higher. He unpacks what it actually takes to create spaces on campus (and in everyday life) where people with deeply different views can stay present, curious, and human. We’re all in the same boat. The question is: how do we stay in it together? ABOUT GUEST Raj Vinnakota is the president of the Institute for Citizens and Scholars (https://citizensandscholars.org/). Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/free-speech-fear-and-fixing.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:12) Meet Raj Vinnakota (2:20) The Conservative Student's Question (4:28) The Pro-Choice Lesbian's Perspective (7:04) Safety and Engagement on Campus (9:19) Creating a Culture of Productive Conversations (11:46) Personal Practices for Better Conversations (13:52) Raj's Personal Experience with Disagreement (15:58) Conclusion

Why being alone feels so hard—and how solitude can make you healthier, calmer and more connected. Robert Coplan spent months on the road as a solo musician, driving through the southern U.S. with long stretches of boredom, isolation, and nowhere to escape his own thoughts. Then he made one small shift that turned his misery into meaning. Coplan has since spent his career studying solitude—why we resist it, what it gives us when we stop fighting it, and how too little “me time” can leave us stressed, irritable, and disconnected. GUEST Robert Coplan is a professor of psychology at Carleton University and author of “The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Overconnected World” (https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Joy-of-Solitude/Robert-J-Coplan/9781668053423) Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/02/why-being-alone-might-be-exactly-what.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:05) Meet Robert Coplan (1:28) From Musician to Psychologist (3:17) The Joy of Solitude (5:28) Experimenting with Solitude (10:32) The Role of Technology in Solitude (13:08) Loneliness vs. Solitude (15:46) The Concept of "Aloneliness" (17:09) Normalizing the Need for Alone Time (18:12) Conclusion

What do you do when your values clash with the people you love most? Licensed clinical social worker and author Kelsey Blahnik joins Uncomfy to challenge the growing “no-contact” trend and offer a more nuanced alternative she calls The And Way—a framework for holding your convictions and staying in relationship. Kelsey Blahnik’s book, The And Way: Assertive Peacemaking in a Divided World — https://theandwaypress.com Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/why-cutting-people-off-isnt-always.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:00) Meet Kelsey Blahnik (1:36) A Dinner Gone Awkward (3:03) Navigating Disagreements (4:20) Therapeutic Insights (5:57) Balancing Relationships and Boundaries (7:54) Practical Examples (11:20) “The And Way” in Personal Life (12:21) Conclusion

Father Francis Gargani entered religious life as a teenager and has remained in the Church through seasons of change, challenge, and growth. Over the years, his ministry has taken many forms—from parish life and campus ministry to caring for people with AIDS and walking alongside LGBTQ Catholics seeking spiritual community. Throughout it all, he reflects on what has helped him stay rooted: community, prayer, and a deep trust in God’s presence. Together, host Julie Rose and Father Francis explore what it means to stay when faith becomes uncomfortable and how community, compassion, and a deep conviction in God’s love can sustain a life of service. ABOUT THE GUEST Father Francis Gargani was ordained a Roman Catholic priest in 1971 and is a member of the Redemptorists of Baltimore Province (https://redemptorists.net/). Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/serving-on-edges-60-years-of-catholic.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:37) Meet Father Francis Gargani (1:08) Early Religious Journey (4:14) Challenges in Pastoral Ministry (7:35) Campus Ministry and AIDS Outreach (11:30) LGBTQ Outreach and Controversy (13:53) Intentional Communities and Modern Ministry (17:12) Finding Peace and Staying Hopeful (19:23) Conclusion

How would you react if thousands of strangers chose to berate you online? Adam Becker, CEO of HeadOn, shares what happened when he, a Jew living in Israel, began video-chatting with complete strangers online right after October 7th, 2023. Some insulted him. Some threatened him. But instead of clicking away, he chose to stick it out. Through thousands of conversations, Adam discovered surprising ways to humanize conversations that usually turn hostile. Those experiments eventually became the foundation for HeadOn, a platform where AI helps match people, set conversational “challenges,” and reduce misunderstanding. ABOUT THE GUEST Adam Becker is the CEO of HeadOn, an online platform designed to help people have good-faith conversations about deeply divisive issues including the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. (https://headon.ai) Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/he-let-strangers-yell-at-him-and-it.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:37) Meet Adam Becker: CEO of HeadOn (2:36) Experimenting with Conversations on Chat Apps (3:54) Handling Hostility and Building Understanding (7:53) Humanizing Through Shared Experiences (10:05) Scaling Conversations with AI (11:13) How HeadOn Matches and Moderates Conversations (15:13) The Goal: Reducing Misunderstandings (16:58) Conclusion

Pastor and author Bob Fabey shares a moment that changed the way he sees people forever — when an elderly woman collapsed in a grocery store and shoppers literally stepped over her to check out. Host Julie Rose and Father Fabey explore why fear, inconvenience, and social conditioning keep us from stopping, even when we know someone needs help. From everyday moments of discomfort to the devastating consequences of dehumanization, this conversation examines what happens when we stop seeing people as people. ABOUT THE GUEST Bob Fabey is a pastor at Living Faith Anglican Church in Tempe, Arizona, author of “Not My Jesus” and “The Dignity Gap,” and a TEDx speaker whose work focuses on dignity, faith, and human connection. (https://www.bobfabey.com/) Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2026/01/why-helping-stranger-feels-so.html CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:18) Meet Bob Fabey (0:55) A Woman Collapses in a Grocery Store (2:36) When People Are Stepped Over Instead of Seen (3:16) The Rationalizations We Make to Avoid Helping (4:11) Fear, Inconvenience, and Choosing to Be Uncomfy (5:32) Learning to Practice Compassion in Real Time (7:24) A Teacher Who Changed Everything (10:27) Dignity vs. Respect (11:24) Loving People You Don’t Like (12:49) Rwanda and the Cost of Dehumanization (15:48) Final Thoughts

Happy New Year! As many of us think about fresh starts, healing strained relationships might be part of that journey. Today, host Julie Rose revisits a powerful conversation with Justin Jones-Fosu, meaningful work researcher and author of “I Respectfully Disagree: How to Have Difficult Conversations in a Divided World.” Justin shares the deeply personal story of reconciling with his father after years of distance and hurt — not by seeking an apology, but by choosing curiosity over assumptions and conversation over confrontation. His insights remind us that reconciliation doesn’t always require agreement. Sometimes it simply asks us to stay on the road with people instead of “taking the exit.” Learn more about Justin Jones-Fosu’s work - https://workmeaningful.com/ CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (1:46) Justin Jones-Fosu on Avoidance and Curiosity (2:35) A Personal Story of Reconciliation (5:00) The Concept of 'Taking the Exit' (12:47) The Circles of Grace Challenge (16:27) Conclusion

How do you stay curious when someone’s words feel like a personal attack? In this replay episode—perfect for a season full of family gatherings, big emotions, and unexpected disagreements—host Julie Rose sits down with theologian, author, and podcast host Kaitlyn Schiess (The Ballot and the Bible; The Holy Post). Kaitlyn shares real stories from her life and ministry that reveal what’s actually going on beneath our most heated conflicts. She explains why political or theological disagreements often feel so personal, how family and identity shape our reactions, and what it takes to ask better questions when the conversation gets tense. Learn more about Kaitlyn Schiess’ work - https://kaitlynschiess.com/ We’d love to hear how you’ve navigated disagreement in your faith community. Email us at uncomfy@byu.edu or connect with us on social media. CHAPTERS (0:00) Introduction (0:19) Introducing Kaitlyn Schiess (2:21) Kaitlyn Schiess on Teaching Kids (3:36) Navigating Tough Conversations (8:48) Personal Stories of Conflict (17:05) Theological and Practical Reasons for Engagement (21:26) Kaitlyn's Upcoming Projects (21:46) Conclusion Episode originally aired on January 25, 2025.

When Amy Dott Harmer, executive director of the Utah Refugee Connection, discovered a forgotten note tucked inside Santa’s chair after a holiday celebration for refugees, she didn’t know what to do. The letter listed humble wishes: clothes, diapers, even toilet paper. Overwhelmed and out of time, Amy turned to social media, and that’s when Lenice Paulsen stepped up. In this special Light the World episode of Uncomfy, host Julie Rose talks with Amy Dott and Lenice about how an uncomfortable moment turned into a Christmas miracle and how paying attention to the needs around us can change lives. Learn more about Light the World, a global invitation by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to spread light and serve others during the holiday season: https://www.lighttheworld.org Check out Utah Refugee Connection - https://serverefugees.org/ Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/12/a-lost-letter-strangers-kindness-and.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:44 The Gathering of Light Celebration 01:53 The Letter to Santa 05:13 Lenice's Response and Action 07:20 Delivering Christmas Miracles 10:30 Reflections on Light and Service 12:08 Conclusion

When’s the last time you took a hard look at your own side? Political columnist and foreign policy expert Shadi Hamid joins Uncomfy to talk about the difficult, often painful process of changing your mind — especially when it means challenging the people on your own side. Hamid, once an outspoken critic of American power and an anti-war activist, now argues the opposite in his new book, “The Case for American Power.” In this episode, he opens up about: - His post-9/11 political awakening - Why he went from protesting U.S. power to believing it’s sometimes the only moral option - Cognitive dissonance around U.S. foreign policy - Why progressives shouldn’t give up on influencing American power from within - How we can disagree deeply while still living together in a democracy Shadi Hamid’s new book, “The Case for American Power” - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Case-for-American-Power/Shadi-Hamid/9781668031889 Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/12/from-anti-war-activist-to-defender-of.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:45 Introducing Shadi Hamid 01:34 Shadi Hamid's Formative Years and Political Awakening 04:23 The Evolution of Shadi Hamid's Views on American Power 07:37 The Role of Identity and Experience in Shadi Hamid's Perspective 11:08 A Call to Action for Progressives 15:39 Conclusion

When Tucson mom Rachel Scholes stopped to help a homeless woman on the side of the road, she didn’t know what to do next. Years later, she learned that her small act of kindness had changed a life forever. This heartwarming true story reminds us that no act of service is wasted even when it feels small or inconvenient. This episode is part of the “Light the World” initiative, a global invitation from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to spread light and serve others during the holiday season. Learn more and find ways you can serve at https://www.lighttheworld.org/. Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/12/i-picked-up-stranger-and-it-changed.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:11 Light the World 00:40 Rachel's Story: An Ordinary Morning in Tucson 01:30 Meeting Jackie 03:01 Bringing Jackie Home 09:15 The Unexpected Reunion 13:20 Reflections on Service and Faith 16:03 Conclusion

This week, we’re sharing something a little different on Uncomfy. Our host, Julie Rose, joins Michael Lee on his podcast When We Disagree—a show about arguments, why we have them, and what they teach us about ourselves. In this conversation, Julie opens up about one of her deepest regrets: a long-running disagreement with her late mother over what news she watched. It’s a raw, personal reflection on how our emotions can block us from seeing the people we love with compassion and curiosity. Listen to more episodes of When We Disagree - https://whenwedisagree.buzzsprout.com/2311101 Connect with Julie on social media - https://linktr.ee/i_am_julie_rose CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to Uncomfy and When We Disagree 04:02 Julie's Story – A Disagreement with Her Late Mother 12:01 Reflecting on Regrets and Lessons Learned 22:42 Conclusion

Is it possible to keep heated political debates from devolving into name calling and ugliness? In this episode of Uncomfy, host Julie Rose sits down with Idaho public education Alexis Morgan. Morgan shares how The Dignity Index reshaped her approach to conflict—especially during Idaho’s heated debate over a controversial school voucher law. From moderating tense town halls to facing opponents in court, Alexis opens up about the emotional toll of advocacy, how she bridges divides without backing down, and why she believes dignity isn’t just a tool but a mindset. In this episode: - The Idaho school voucher fight and what it reveals about political division - How The Dignity Index helps people disagree without dehumanizing - Real-world examples of turning tension into understanding - Why treating opponents with respect might be the strongest strategy of all Alexis Morgan is former president of the Idaho state PTA and host of the Purple Zone podcast. Learn more about The Dignity Index: https://dignity.us Listen to The Purple Zone: https://www.thealexismorgan.com/the-purple-zone Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/11/fighting-for-what-you-want-without.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Intro 00:51 The Heated Debate on Idaho's School Voucher Law 01:23 Introducing Alexis Morgan 01:57 Uncomfy Moment at a Town Hall Meeting 05:21 Handling Conflict with Dignity 07:49 Discovering The Dignity Index 14:23 Applying Dignity in Advocacy 18:39 Outro and Additional Resources

What if you could disagree with someone — even someone who attacks your beliefs — without losing your cool or your dignity? Tim Shriver, chairman of Special Olympics International and co-creator of The Dignity Index, joins host Julie Rose to unpack how contempt creeps into our conversations and how to replace it with curiosity, humility, and respect. Together they explore: - What “The Dignity Index” is and how it evaluates our dialogue - Why we often find contempt hiding inside ourselves - How to respond with dignity when someone lashes out - Why kindness isn’t weakness but power Learn more about The Dignity Index: https://www.dignity.us Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/11/can-we-disagree-without-contempt-tim.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:38 Meet Tim Shriver: Special Olympics and The Dignity Index 03:48 Understanding The Dignity Index Scale 07:51 The Power of Words and Dignity 08:51 Responding to Personal Attacks with Dignity 13:54 Changing the Culture of Contempt 17:21 Conclusion

What does it really take to make your voice heard in Congress? In this episode, Host Julie Rose talks with Sam Daley-Harris, founder of RESULTS and Civic Courage, and Jay Butera, the citizen advocate who helped create the bipartisan Climate Solutions Caucus in Congress. Jay shares how he spent three years hearing “no” before finally convincing one Republican member of Congress to say “yes” to working across the aisle on climate change. Sam explains how transformational advocacy—showing up, building trust, and listening deeply—can turn ordinary citizens into powerful changemakers. Sam’s book, Reclaiming Our Democracy: Every Citizen's Guide to Transformational Advocacy - https://reclaimingourdemocracy.com/ Get in touch with Sam – https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdCQuqj-4O2eh4Sfy_E-dfVntbPlqg1A4T4oQ8E2J0nuZbD-w/viewform Climate Solutions Caucus - https://climatesolutionscaucus-garbarino.house.gov/ Top of Mind episode on what to do if you’re feeling unheard by Congress - https://www.byuradio.org/feeling-unheard-by-congress-heres-what-you-need-to-know Subscribe for more stories about growth, discomfort, and courage! Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/11/how-one-citizen-got-congress-to-work.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:38 Meet Sam Daley-Harris and Jay Butera 01:14 The Birth of the Climate Solutions Caucus 02:07 Challenges and Breakthroughs in Advocacy 05:33 Building Relationships in Congress 08:09 The Turning Point: Congressman Curbelo's Involvement 12:06 Impact and Reflections on Advocacy 17:49 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

What happens when you walk across America with nothing but a backpack, a mandolin, and a sign that says, “Walking to Listen”? Host Julie Rose sits down with author and restorative practices consultant Andrew Forsthoefel to explore the power of vulnerability, the discomfort of rejection, and the surprising beauty of human connection. Andrew shares stories from his 4,000-mile journey — from receiving a knife and a warning not to trust anyone, to being invited into a forest camp by strangers offering cookies and apple juice. He reflects on how discomfort can be a gateway to growth, and how listening can be a radical act of love. Andrew now works with public schools to lead restorative listening circles, helping students and educators build trust, navigate conflict, and foster belonging through vulnerability. Learn more about Andrew’s work and writing at https://littlecourtyard.substack.com. LISTENER SURVEY - https://forms.cloud.microsoft/r/yi9fSNB8NG Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/10/he-walked-4000-miles-across-america.html What does vulnerability mean to you? Have you ever leaned into discomfort and found something powerful on the other side? Share your story with us at uncomfy@byu.edu or on Instagram @uncomfy.podcast. CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:36 Meet Andrew Forsthoefel: Walking to Listen 01:06 The Journey Begins: Early Encounters 02:16 Lessons from the Road: Trust and Vulnerability 06:58 Facing Rejection and Hostility 12:13 Special Request: Listener Survey 12:41 A Society That Respects Vulnerability 14:30 Restorative Listening Circles in Schools 19:56 Conclusion 20:57 Special Request Reminder

When Anne Abel hit an all-time low at 59, she never expected a Bruce Springsteen concert to change her life. After years of battling severe recurrent depression and losing her memory to electroconvulsive therapy, Anne found a spark of hope in Springsteen — a spark that led her to travel alone to Australia for eight concerts in five cities. That trip became the start of a new life filled with courage, creativity, and connection. Now at 72, Anne is a storyteller, author, and social media creator with nearly a million followers, inspiring others to keep going when life feels impossible. Learn more about Anne’s new memoir, “High Hopes,” and her other work: https://anneabelauthor.com. Follow Anne on social media (@annesimaabel): https://linktr.ee/anneabel How do you handle the self-critical voices in your head? Or what’s something scary you’ve done lately that took real courage? We’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts in the comments, email us at uncomfy@byu.edu, or connect with us on social media. LISTENER SURVEY - https://forms.cloud.microsoft/r/yi9fSNB8NG Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/10/how-bruce-springsteen-saved-my-life.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:38 Meet Anne Abel 01:41 The Life-Changing Bruce Springsteen Concert 03:31 A Journey to Australia: Finding Hope 05:12 Daily Struggles and Coping Mechanisms 6:48 Midroll for Listener Survey 7:16 Challenging Self-Critical Voices 12:35 The Power of Storytelling and Social Media 17:45 Conclusion

Should politics be off-limits in church? Reverend Clay Stauffer doesn’t think so. Two months after a member of his congregation was killed in The Covenant School shooting, Rev. Stauffer invited his community to gather in their sanctuary for a discussion about gun violence — a conversation most churches would rather avoid. Host Julie Rose talks with him about what compelled him to do it, why he believes churches should be “big tents” where people with different views can still talk and stay connected, and how avoiding politics in church might actually make divisions worse. They also explore why people of faith might be especially equipped to lead with empathy and peace. Clay Stauffer is the senior minister at Woodmont Christian Church in Nashville, professor of moral leadership at Vanderbilt University, and author of “What the World Needs Now: Virtue and Character in an Age of Chaos.” Learn more about Dr. Stauffer’s work at https://claystauffer.com/. What do you think? Should faith and politics mix or stay separate? Tell us in the comments, connect with us on social media, or share your thoughts at uncomfy@byu.edu. Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/10/should-political-conversations-be.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:44 Meet Reverend Clay Stauffer 01:13 The Role of Church in Political Conversations 02:34 Addressing Political Violence and Incivility 06:15 Gun Violence and Community Safety 08:59 The Intersection of Faith and Politics 10:58 The Rise of Political Partisanship 12:58 Finding Solutions in Faith 14:11 Conclusion

Have you ever struggled to be understood? Matt Maxey spent most of his childhood trying to fit into the hearing world. He went to speech therapy, avoided sign language, and thought leaving Deaf culture behind was the only way to succeed. But when he showed up at Gallaudet University — the country’s only Deaf university — he suddenly found himself in a place where everyone expected him to use ASL, a language he didn’t even know, and many labelled him as an outsider. Instead of giving up, Matt flipped that struggle into his purpose. He went from resisting sign language to becoming one of the most well-known ASL music interpreters in the world. As the founder of DEAFinitely Dope, he’s brought hip-hop to Deaf and hard-of-hearing audiences, toured with Chance the Rapper, and even interpreted at the 2025 Super Bowl halftime show with Kendrick Lamar. Matt Maxey’s organization, DEAFinitely Dope - https://deafinitelydope.org/ Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/10/becoming-hip-hops-biggest-sign-language.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:40 Meet Matt Maxey: Founder of DEAFinitely Dope 01:12 Matt's Journey with Sign Language 04:14 Challenges and Acceptance at Gallaudet University 07:53 Breaking Barriers with Music Interpretation 11:41 Collaborating with Chance The Rapper 14:36 Impact and Future Goals 16:12 Conclusion

What happens when a parent refuses to let a diagnosis define their child? TV news anchor Leland Vittert shares his story of growing up with autism, the “tough love” lessons his father insisted on, and how those moments of discomfort shaped the man and reporter he became. In this conversation with host Julie Rose, Vittert opens up about bullying, rejection, resilience, and the powerful role his father played in teaching him to adapt to the world rather than expecting the world to adapt to him. Leland Vittert is the Chief Washington Anchor at NewsNation and host of “On Balance with Leland Vittert.” Before joining NewsNation, he spent a decade as a foreign correspondent and anchor at Fox News. His new memoir is "Born Lucky: A Dedicated Father, A Grateful Son, and My Journey with Autism," available now https://www.harpercollinsfocus.com/harper-horizon/born-lucky/. Episode transcript - https://uncomfypodcastbyu.blogspot.com/2025/10/growing-up-with-autism-and-fathers.html CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:40 Meet Leland Vittert 01:38 The Role of a Dedicated Father 02:31 Facing Bullying and Social Challenges 03:34 Early Signs and Diagnosis 05:30 Overcoming Social Struggles 11:34 The Impact of Autism on Journalism 14:19 Reflections and Final Thoughts