The Uncomfortable Truth

We’ve been told to “just be vulnerable” — but what if that advice is setting us up for heartache? The reality is, not everyone is telling the truth. People lie all the time, and their actions and body language often reveal more than their words ever will. In this episode, I unpack the problem with naïve vulnerability and why oversharing without discernment can leave you exposed to manipulation in dating, workplaces, and beyond. I break down the difference between healthy vulnerability and the sloppy kind, and use Internal Family Systems (IFS) to reveal how speaking from our wounded, child-like parts — instead of our grounded adult self — can trap us in subtle victimhood. If you’ve ever trusted too quickly, believed the wrong words, or blamed yourself for someone else’s bad behaviour, this conversation will help you sharpen your ability to read people — and protect your trust, boundaries, and wellbeing.

Helping others', while being positioned as virtuous and good for society, is often detrimental.  When someone has a fundamental piece of their identity as a 'helper' this is usually a mechanism to either get out of the hard work, avoid being seen, OR an attempt to get brownie points for being a 'good guy' or 'good girl'.  The Uncomfortable truth is that while positioned as virtuous, 'helping others' may actually be cowardice.  Often the hardest thing is to step out and be seen as your true self, and therefore it can be an act of hiding to place the focus on others. In this episode, we build the argument that the most constructive and selfless thing you can do, is ironically focusing on being the best version of yourself, and to focus on your own life. We look at some examples of this mechanism playing out, the main mistakes people make, and some ways to navigate this impulse if it arises. 

In this podcast I discuss how I haver been observing a common mistake while watching the show 'Love is Blind' - a dating show where people get to know each other behind a wall so they can't actually see each other, so they must choose their match without seeing what they look like.  This mistake is so prevalent that it is actually the norm, and yet because our culture is so disconnected from the body, we are not even aware of it.  We discuss mirror neurons, data encoded in the voice, and the uncomfortable truth about this mistake that people make, and some practical solutions to shift away from this mistake. 

In this episode we discuss how a common issue that people tend to have in pursuit of any goal in any domain is that we abandon the plan for a new one, or leave it before we've had time to see any results.   Many plans will work, but no plan will work that is not seen out.   In this episode we use an example between an Pro and Amateur lifter, and how we often misattribute the reasons for the pro's success.  Often we attribute their success to the fancy peripheral exercises, when in fact, their success is due to the quality with which they do the basics.   Perhaps the uncomfortable truth is that we are using these objects and details like the structure of the training program as an excuse to get out of getting into the hard work and moving through those points of resistance. 

Do you ever feel like you over extend yourself, or feel resentment that you're always doing too much for others?  Sometimes 'being nice' is the toxic thing to do! In this episode we explore the topic of 'toxic niceness'. The uncomfortable truth is that if we are 'being nice' when it is not appropriate too, then we are actually not being a good person. Enabling a friend's bad behaviour (or anyone's), and abandoning what feels right for ourselves is actually toxic behaviour.  Often we convince ourselves that this toxic behaviour is just us being compassionate or caring, and we hide behind a moral veneer.  The uncomfortable truth is that we may be lying to ourselves and lacking the courage to confront the bad behaviour and do what is right for us.

In this episode we discuss how tangible results are not linear, even if the action steps we take are linear and consistent.  We discuss some of the min excuses people use as Exit strategies, such as blaming the 'vehicle' or strategy, when the results don't come straight away - resulting in us continuing to chase the next shiny object, rather than see a plan through to completion.   The uncomfortable truth in this episode is that we may actually be sub-consiously invested in our own failure due to 'safety of the known', 'avoiding failure', or 'rationalising our own procrastination'..... Ultimately it is the carrying through our plans to completion where we grow, because whether we hit our target or not, we will know if the strategy was effective, rather than staying in the same spot in continual speculation and stagnation.   

If we don't get clear on what our goals are and balance our exercise properly, we may flip flop between different activities and will not develop as quickly, and may injure ourselves. In this episode we touch on some broad principles with respect to Running and Weight training in the same regimen.  When we have competing goals and physical exercise, what are the rules. There is so much information out there on individual goals, but almost nothing out there on how to manage a real life situation with a number of activities in our week. 

In this episode we discuss how the brave and more difficult path is to live for ourselves.  How we can hide in 'helping others' because the focus is off of ourself, and more insidiously, we can win brownie points at the time and be the goodie goodie while we hide.   We discuss how the ego attempts to make itself the moral 'goodie', and how the way to mitigate being manipulated is to anchor to our own value system. The more we are anchored to our own value system, the less sensitive we are to others opinions.  Perhaps the biggest service we can give to the world and to other people is to focus on ourselves, and live our fullest and truest expression.   

One of the major issues mistakes in thinking in our western medical system is the categorical distinction between 'sick' or 'not sick'.  It seems that if we are not sick, then there is nothing that the medical system can do for us, and we should just suck it up, OR if we do qualify, then we have an objective disorder and should be treated differently and given pharmaceuticals.  A great question to ask is "what is the diagnosis in service of" - as the diagnosis can lead to us playing all sorts of psychological games, most of which are toxic.  In this episode I make a case for taking a more balanced approach, where we aren't a catastrophizing hypochondriac, yet we can honour the truth of what's going on, rather than ignoring the situation just because we don't qualify for a diagnosis. 

One of the best episodes yet! If we don't understand our emotions and how to process them, then how can we expect to communicate well and relate to each other? A great episode which discusses the difference between good and bad emoting, holding space, psychological entanglement, and some 'MAFS' references to boot.   

In this episode we discuss how biohacking by definition is an attempt to 'hack the system' and that this attitude is not the best long term philosophy for health.  Biohacking may have some utility, but we neeed to see the big picture, otherwise we may get lost chasing the 'shiny object' and chasing the 'cool thing' of the day i.e. use it as an avoidance, rather than as a way to speed our physiological recalibration.  We also discuss how we are over-attending to the physical, with meticulous regimens in diet and exercise, while we are metaphorically "in the toddler pool flapping around" with our emotional and mental fitness.  We seem to be neglecting the areas of health where all the leverage is. 

In this episode we discuss an idea from yogic indian philosophy (Yamas and Niyamas) on how "Worry is an act of violence and cannot exist simultaneously with love" So often we think that we are doing people a favour by worrying about them. In this podcast episode, we discuss how worry is a selfish projection of our own fears into the situation, and can actually considered an act of violence. Can we learn to turn our worry about people we care about into 'faith', because our psychic projections have an impact!

In this episode, we discuss how having an identity around being a 'good person' can sometimes get us stuck in bad relationships where our need to feel like the 'good girl' can be used against us.  If we are too hung up on being liked by others or concerns about what others think of us, it can get us into compromising relationships where we are controlled. The uncomfortable truth is that we may also be getting a payoff for being in these relationships, and at some level we are an energetic match to these relationships.  In order to have more balanced relationships, it may require us to let go of the need to be liked or 'good', so that we can be free to be our genuine selves.

We can be sitting quietly at our desks, meanwhile on the inside we are "sitting in a soup of cortisol and adrenaline, meanwhile the person next to us is none the wiser..."  In this episode I share my thoughts and experience with my clients with respect to migraines and headaches.  We discuss the main interim solutions to address immediate pain including botox and medications.  The long-term solutions however, require behavioural change.  Whether we are addressing pure 'physical stagnation' from lack of movement or mental stress, we need to identify and understand the aggravating factors, in order to address the 'real' problem.  Mental stress is a huge component of migraines and headaches which is usually not well understood and addressed.  In this episode we discuss how an awareness of our daily emotional, mental and energetic patterns is the starting point towards making behavioural adjustments which will keep us in an ongoing healthy state, rather than relying solely on short term solutions which may have more damaging impacts.  

In order to heal and change for the better, it helps to have an understanding of why we are doing the negative thing to begin with.  In this episode we discuss how we are essentially choosing our negative stories! You might ask - "What do I possibly have to gain from limiting beliefs?". There is always a reason.... We look into why we have 'Stockholm Syndrome' for our limiting beliefs and want to defend our captors.  We also consider an analogy of ourselves as gemstones and how our pschological and mental mechanisms are obstructions to the light coming through us.  We then use then analogy to help discuss the two main ways to speed our own healing and personal evolution. 

Often in this culture we can be sucked into the 'cool thing' to do, rather than the 'real work', and becoming overly attached to the vehicle/container/practitioner/method/technique etc. can be a way to Spiritual Bypass. It is important to use discernment and select high quality coaches to help us fast-track our process, and yet, it is our sincerity, intention, and willingness to confront what is present, which will help us evolve, not the particular method or any other tools we choose to work with.  In this episode we discuss the fundamental assumption that we are responsible for our own health, and how this belief affects the outcomes in our lives.

Candid chat with PT, Amadu Koroma discussing some of the major lessons and misconceptions within the fitness world. 

"The speed with which we can let go of bad ideas is the currency of the 21'st century" With so many contradictory ideas and saturation of information, the ability to detatch from and replace our world views or beliefs become extremely valuable.  Often we can become so identified with our beliefs that we don't realise that we have a choice not to believe them.  These agreements that we make with our thoughts dramatically shape the experience we have and the outcomes that we obtain. What ideas are you sub-consciously signing off on? and what impact is it having on your life?

"On paper this guys seems great, but I don't feel right about him"......   This podcasts introduces the idea of Embodiment and why it is important. Rather than outsourcing our responsibility for our bodies and our decisions to 'experts' perhaps we can take the power back, and cultivate a relationship with our bodies own intelligence systems. Our gut, heart, sex... are constantly communicating with us, as we take in data from an infinitely complex world with so many different types of information. In the Western World we glorify and focus on the mind and as such, miss out on so much important information which feeds our powerful intuition.

From a dirty beat which speaks to a sacral chakra, to a melodic harmony which speaks to our crown chakra..... Just as a piano has keys with different frequency, our bodies have energetic centres with different frequencies. We are a musical instrument!  A brief introduction into some basics of Energy work and Sound healing -   Whether it is physical, mental, or energetic therapy, we are simply bringing attention to an area of the body which is out of balance in an attempt to help it recalibrate to it's natural healthy state.   The 'therapeutic attention' can come in many forms, including physical touch, mental attention, or sound frequency.