The Calm Confidence Podcast (Formerly the "Therapy on Tap Podcast")

"Fake it till you make it," they say, but does it actually work? Can you actually fake your confidence long enough that you will eventually feel it? Yes and no. Putting on a performance that doesn't feel genuine probably won't get you far. Sure you may be able to start getting used to the anxiety, but it's not you. If you have to pretend every interaction, what's the point? For many people, this strategy doesn't help acclimate them to the anxiety anyway. So what's the solution? First we have to figure out who we are? Who would we be if we were not anxious? How would we act, what would we say?If we can establish a sense of self that feels genuine, but perhaps we are just not comfortable sharing yet, now we have our north star. We can "act" the way that feels like us. The reality is, everything feels like an act when you are anxious because it feels uncomfortable. But we have to recognize that just because we feel uncomfortable does not mean we are being fake, it simply means we have social anxiety.Interested in checking out the podcast or joining my newsletter? Check out my linktree: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Replaying social interaction and conversations is at the core of social anxiety. For many of us, the social situation itself is not the worst part of social anxiety, it's the agonizing pain of ruminating, criticizing and critiquing every aspect of what just happen. In this episode I explain the practical way to reverse your rumination so you can move on and live your life. Through a combination of mindfulness and useful and compassionate self talk, you can finally put your obsessive thoughts to rest.Interested in working with me?: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Donohue, H. E., Modini, M., & Abbott, M. J. (2024). Psychological interventions for pre-event and post-event rumination in social anxiety: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 102, 102823. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2023.102823Seinsche, R. J., et al. (2022). Social phobic beliefs mediate the relationship between post-event processing and social anxiety. Journal Name, Volume(Issue), page range. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8818836/Vassilopoulos, S. P., Brouzos, A., & Moberly, N. J. (2015). The relationships between metacognition, anticipatory processing, and social anxiety. Behaviour Change, 32(2), 114–126. https://doi.org/10.1017/bec.2015.4

Social anxiety makes everything harder, especially dating. When we are attracted to someone our anxious skyrockets and we become stumbling, bumbling fools. Fear of rejection and humiliation throw more wood on the fire, culminating in what feels like an impossible task to take on. In this video I will break down how you can and should approach dating if you have social anxiety. I'll cover the 3 main phases; finding a date, the date itself, and the worries that come after a date. Interested in checking out the podcast or joining my newsletter? Check out my linktree: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Sorry it’s been a busy week and I haven’t had a chance to record a full episode. This is a short video I made a YouTube a few weeks ago that I forgot to download to the pod. Enjoy!Social anxiety can feel like a never ending loop that is impossible to escape. The shame we feel traps us. If we don’t act, we feel like cowards. If we do act, but it doesn’t go well, we feel embarrassed, which reconfirms our fears that we are unworthy. In this video I explore how you can finally start taking steps to a brighter future. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

When we are socially anxious for long enough, we start to become very cynical towards the world. We start to believe people are cruel and kindess is pointless. The more we withdraw, the more we believe people have nothing good to offer and we convince ourselves that we're better off being isolating and alone. But now we have become the very negativity that we say we hate. When we start to open back up to the world and share our kindness, we usually get it back in return. We start to realize there are decent people in the world and we start to look forward to meeting people again. Acts of kindness also help us get out of our head and back to connecting with our fellow human beings. So the next time you are feeling anxious, go out and do something kind for something. It's good for you and it's good for the world.Podcast/Newsletter/Services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Alden, L. E., & Trew, J. L. (2013). Engaging in kind acts increases positive affect in socially anxious individuals. Motivation and Emotion, 37(6), 834-846Cregg, D. R., & Cheavens, J. S. (2023). Healing through helping: An experimental investigation of the effect of kindness on depression, anxiety, and social connection. The Journal of Positive Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2022.2154695

This may be a difficult episode for some of you to hear, but you need to hear it. In this episode I explore how we allow social anxiety to sabotage our own progress and desire to change. Although not always conscious, sometimes we do this that don't help our social anxiety in the long run because of what we want to feel in the short term. I discuss primary and secondary gains, as well as the effect of resentment on our progress. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceInterested in weekly tips to improve your confidence? Join my newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/pknKh0

For many of us, the scariest part of social anxiety is not simply talking to people, it is the fear that other people will soon find out just how anxious we are. This consumes us with embarrassment and shame, and causes us to try to hide our symptoms. We think hiding our symptoms will make us feel more confident but in reality it only makes us more self conscious and obsessed with our symptoms. In this video I explore how to turn this on it's head. Join the FREE Newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/pknKh0Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Services - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Leigh, E., Chiu, K., & Clark, D. M. (2021). Self-focused attention and safety behaviours maintain social anxiety in adolescents: An experimental study. PLOS ONE, 16(2), e0247703. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0247703Hofmann, S. G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: A comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 36(4), 193-209. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506070701421313

Here are 5 very practical ways to keep the conversation going when you don't know what to say. When we feel socially anxious we overcomplicate conversations. There is no deep or mysterious way to get a conversation off the ground, we just need to say SOMETHING! As the conversation progresses, we often find ourselves lost in our mind trying to come up with something to say, instead of simply allowing our brain to give us something to say. In this video I explain how you can vastly improve your conversation skills in just a few simple steps! #socialanxiety #socialskills #confidence Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Rejection stings, but it doesn't have to consume us. In this video I discuss how to overcome our fear of rejection and learn how to prevent the downward spiral that it often leads to. If you struggle with confidence or low self esteem, it can be quite common to be sensitive to rejection. This video will give you practical tools you can use to become more resilient to the pain of rejection. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Baer, R. A., Smith, G. T., Hopkins, J., Krietemeyer, J., & Toney, L. (2006). Using self‐report assessment methods to explore facets of mindfulness. Assessment, 13(1), 27–45. https://doi.org/10.1177/1073191105283504Ghonchehpour, A., Forouzi, M. A., Dehghan, M., Ahmadi, A., Okou, G., & Tirgari, B. (2023). The effect of mindfulness-based stress reduction on rejection sensitivity and resilience in patients with thalassemia: A randomized controlled trial. BMC Psychiatry, 23(1), 281. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-023-04875-3Peters, J. R., Eisenlohr-Moul, T. A., & Smart, L. M. (2016). Dispositional mindfulness and rejection sensitivity: The critical role of non judgment. Personality and Individual Differences, 93, 125-129. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2015.06.029Troy, A. S., & Mauss, I. B. (2017). Cognitive reappraisal and acceptance: Effects on emotion, physiology, and perceived cognitive costs. Current Opinion in Psychology, 17, 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.06.006 (PMC 6188704)

Social anxiety can be a long battle, which is why you need patience and self compassion. Along the way will be struggles, embarrassing moments, uncomfortable feelings and failed social attempts. It can be very tempting to pack it in as soon as things get difficult, but like most things, real change comes with persistence. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Moser, J. S., Dougherty, A., Mattson, W. I., Katz, B., Moran, T. P., Guevarra, D., Shablack, H., Ayduk, Ö., Jonides, J., Berman, M. G., & Kross, E. (2017). Third-person self-talk facilitates emotion regulation without engaging cognitive control: Converging evidence from ERP and fMRI. Scientific Reports, 7, Article 4519.Ayduk, Ö., Kross, E., & others. (2010). Implications of spontaneous self-distancing for adaptive self-reflection when facing negative events. Psychological Science, 21(8), 1166-1174.Libby, L. K., Eibach, R. P., & Gilovich, T. (2005). Here’s looking at me: The effect of memory perspective on assessments of personal change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(1), 50-62.

This was another older video from Youtube that I never uploaded.I spent a large portion of my life attempting to extract respect and confidence from other people, only to realize this is a loop that never ends. We spend so much time focused on what other's think is acceptable, that we don't pause to ask ourselves what is meaningful to us. I someone out there find this helpful. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

The worst part of social anxiety is not necessarily the symptoms, it's the how much it robs us of our life. In this video I discuss the effects social anxiety has on our dating life, relationships, work life and general satistfaction. Stick around to the end to find out how you can start turning this fear into motivation so you can finally take back your life. Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:https://clinical-practice-and-epidemiology-in-mental-health.com/VOLUME/17/PAGE/224/FULLTEXT/https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0887618515300414https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7028452/https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6448478/

This is another older youtube video I never uploaded to the podcast.In this episode, I explore what I think is the biggest mistake people with social anxiety make; focusing too much on improving social skills. Sometimes our attempts to become better at socializing perpetuates our obsessiveness and constant self criticism. Instead, let's focus on the underlying fear of rejection and embarrassment. Can we accept that sometimes we will make mistakes and make a fool of ourselves?Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Another older video from youtube that I never uploaded to the podcast.We often fall off our path out of fear of judgment from others and we forget the fact that our life is ours to live and no one else's. The irony is that the people judging us are often only judging us because they are unsatisfied with their own lives. After all, who has time to judge others if they are focused on themselves.Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

This was a youtube video I uploaded back in February that I forgot to add to the podcast. At the end of the video I mention a follow up episode called "Depression Changes You." If you're interested in listening to that episode you can find it on the podcast homepage, dated Feb 10.Forgiveness is never easy, especially when it's time to forgive ourselves. We forget that the person we were in the past is not the person we are now. We cannot torture ourselves for making poor decisions when we were not in a good headspace. No one makes good decisions well they are not doing well mentally. When we are suffering we make decisions that helps us survive, not thrive. Future planning is a luxury for those who are in a good place. It's time to let go and forgive yourself.Interested in Coaching? - https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceYou can also follow me on Youtube, TikTok and Instagram on the same link.

In this episode I explore the role of negativity bias in social anxiety. We often believe we have an objective understanding of ourselves, when in reality our narrative shapes everything we see. In this episode I will challenge you to challenge yourself and your beliefs about yourself and the world. Maybe we've got this thing all wrong.Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Hertel, P. T., Brozovich, F., Joormann, J., & Gotlib, I. H. (2008). Biases in interpretation and memory in generalized social phobia. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 117(2), 278–288. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.117.2.278 Beard, C., & Amir, N. (2010). Negative interpretation bias mediates the effect of social anxiety on state anxiety. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 34(3), 292–296. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-009-9258-6Johnston, C. R., Quarmley, M., Nelson, B. D., Helion, C., Murty, V. P., & Jarcho, J. M. (2023). Social feedback biases emerge during recall but not prediction and shift across the development of social anxiety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 120(52), e2308593120. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2308593120

This is the audio from a short video I made on YouTube. Social anxiety can also impact our relationships. It can make us worry about where we stand with someone, if they are mad at us, if they like us, etc... These worries can sometimes lead to destructive behaviors (seeking validation and reassurance) that ultimately do more harm than good. In this episode I explore what can be done about your desperation so you can feel more confident in your relationships.Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Social Anxiety makes us passive, but the more passive we are the less control we feel over our own lives. We hold onto narratives decades old because we have no new information to change them. If we want to change how we think and feel about ourselves, we have to change how we act first. Give yourself a chance to learn something new about yourself. Maybe you are not the unlikeable loser you have always thought. Maybe if you put yourself out there enough times, you can find people who like all the weird things about you. Time to get out of our heads and take action. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #lonely #loneliness Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceYoutube episode: https://youtu.be/KZdJjPdUWQ0

Alcohol, unfortunately, can be very good at calming our nerves. I say unfortunately because this can create a very dangerous cycle. If we rely on alcohol to get through our social situations, we increase our likehood of having alcohol problems. We are also not addressing the fear of socializing at it's core. When we drink we are finding a loophole around the fear, which doesn't allow us to overcome the fear in the longrun. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #sociallyawkward Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (2023, May 9). Alcohol and other substance use to cope with social anxiety. Spectrum. https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/news-events/spectrum/volume-15-issue-2-spring-2023/alcohol-and-other-substance-use-cope-with-social-anxietyProtective Strategies Study Team, Villarosa-Hurlocker, M. C., Bravo, A. J., Pearson, M. R., Prince, M. A., Madson, M. B., Henson, J. M., Looby, A., Gonzalez, V. M., Henslee, A. M., Cuttler, C., Wong, M. M., & McChargue, D. E. (2019). The relationship between social anxiety and alcohol and marijuana use outcomes among concurrent users: A motivational model of substance use. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 43(4), 732-740. https://doi.org/10.1111/acer.13966Book, S. W., & Randall, C. L. (2002). Social anxiety disorder and alcohol use. Alcohol Research & Health, 26(2), 130-135.Hart, G., Panayi, M. C., Harris, J. A., & Westbrook, R. F. (2014). Benzodiazepine treatment can impair or spare extinction, depending on when it is given. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 56, 22–29. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.02.004Skelly, M. J., Chappell, A. J., Carter, E., Weiner, J. L., & Gujar, N. (2015). Adolescent social isolation increases anxiety-like behavior and ethanol consumption in adult C57BL/6J mice. Pharmacology, Biochemistry & Behavior, 133, 7-15. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pbb.2015.04.004Bisby, J. A., King, J. A., Sulpizio, V., Degeilh, F., Curran, H. V., & Burgess, N. (2015). Extinction learning is slower, weaker and less context specific after alcohol. Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 125, 55–62. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.nlm.2015.07.014Rosen, C. S., Greenbaum, M. A., Schnurr, P. P., Holmes, T. H., Brennan, P. L., & Friedman, M. J. (2013). Do benzodiazepines reduce the effectiveness of exposure therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder? The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 74(12), 1241-1247. https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.13m08592

Self-consciousness prevents us from living and acting freely in the world. When we are in a social situation and we become self conscious it becomes nearly impossible to engage in conversations because we feel we need to constantly watch and edit ourselves. In this episode I explore why we are self conscious and what mindset shifts and practical skills we can adopt to step outside of ourselves and rid ourselves of fear and social anxiety. Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Fistikci, N., Saatcioglu, Ö., Keyvan, A., Kalkan, M., & Topçuoğlu, V. (2015). Attentional bias and training in social anxiety disorder. Noro Psikiyatr Arsivi, 52(1), 4–7. https://doi.org/10.5152/npa.2015.8777 Arad, G., Azriel, O., Pine, D. S., Lazarov, A., Sol, O., Weiser, M., Garber, E., Bloch, M., & Bar-Haim, Y. (2023). Attention bias modification treatment versus a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor or waiting list control for social anxiety disorder: A randomized clinical trial. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 180(5), 357–366. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.20220533Amir, N., Foa, E. B., & Coles, M. E. (2009). Attention training in individuals with generalized social phobia: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 118(1), 159–170. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0013643