The Kevin Miller Podcast

Ultimately, the research shows what we all most want is love. To be desired past the point of like, and actually loved. And to receive the resulting affection, devotion, care, and commitment. Yet the research also shows that overall, we are not super successful at achieving and maintaining healthy relationships. My guest today feels we define love incorrectly and we pursue it errantly. Humble The Poet is a Canadian-born rapper, spoken-word artist, poet, international bestselling author, and former elementary school teacher. He began reciting spoken word poetry in coffee shops to impress girls and now has four books. He has a huge social media following and uses his platform to help people learn and grow and…love. His book that caught my attention is How To Be Loved: Simple Truths For Going Easier On Yourself, Embracing Imperfection & Loving Your Way To A Better Life. I really resonated with the book, which is why I invited him onto my podcast. Humble headlines the concept of his book with, “Love doesn’t have to be earned or found, it has to be realized.” I think the discussion will challenge your paradigm on what love is and how to better realize it. Find the book and all he’s involved with by searching for Humble The Poet. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Steve Smith is a friend of mine. He runs Potter’s Inn, which provides soul care. Much of Steve’s time is spent with people running large organizations, from mega church pastors to Fortune 500 CEOs. People who as Steve says, live much of their lives in the white water of life. And living this way takes a toll on your soul. Years ago, I actually argued with Steve. I said I was living in a way to keep myself strong so I could endure the constant white water. And I did. Until I couldn’t. Until I burnt out and caused plenty of collateral damage in my life. Recently Steve sent me a book of poetry he had written. He’s published many books, but with poetry he feels he can say more with less. The book is called, Greening: Poems In The Unfolding Of Our Lives. And the focus is on unfolding through the seasons and reasons of our lives. Steve has walked intimately with so many people. Dramatically successful people as our culture tends to define success. But Steve walks with them as their lives unravel and their identities unfold. In recent years, Steve has had some losses and gone through his own unfolding. As my own life has unfolded, I brought Steve on to discuss some of the concepts of his poetry book, and his life experience. Greening is a term he relates to our flourishing, vitality, well-being, and emotional health. As a speaker, spiritual director, and author, Steve offers soul care and spiritual care through many avenues. Find him at pottersinn.com Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes a story comes along that challenges my perspectives at a core level. As a father, I took great responsibility in instilling self-worth into my children. And, I still had kids who struggled with their self-worth. I feel our culture as a whole is more insecure than ever. My guest in this episode is Peter Mutabazi, and he found his self-worth after a childhood that gave him zero access to any concept of it. Peter was born out in the boonies of Uganda in what can hardly be described as a home. He was routinely beaten by his father and treated like a stray dog. Or worse. Treated like trash. He ran away at age 10 for fear his father would finally kill him. He made it to the city of Kampala where he lived on the streets and slept in the sewers. Literally. It was so disgusting in the sewers nobody would venture there, which meant it was the only place he could find safety. He lived as a street kid where he only ate every few days, he never slept in a bed, rode in a car, or had shoes. But at age 15, someone befriended him and gave him a chance. Today he lives in America where he fosters and adopts children and runs an organization he founded called, Nowiamknownfoundation.org where his goal is to encourage and affirm marginalized and abandoned children. He wrote a book titled, Now I Am Known:  How a Street Kid Turned Foster Dad Found Acceptance and True Worth. My focus was on how Peter could come from such dramatic abuse, abject poverty, and zero exposure to any nurturing or support, and not only find his self-worth, but then serve others in finding their self-worth. And be at peace with this world that he found so much pain from for the first 15 years of his existence. What could we learn and apply to ourselves? Find Peter on Instagram where he has nearly 900k followers @fosterdadflipper Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is a dive into the awakening of self-awareness and a connection to what really matters in your life. This has been my journey over the past few years as I've unraveled my identity from what I do and achieve and learned to embrace who I am being aside from any doing or producing or achievements. My guest is a kindred spirit in working themselves to the bone to prove their worth to themselves and everyone else. Jen Fisher a global authority on workplace wellbeing, the bestselling author of Work Better Together, and the founder and CEO of The Wellbeing Team. Jen was Deloitte US's first chief wellbeing officer who pioneered a groundbreaking, human-centered approach to work that gained international recognition and reshaped how organizations view wellbeing. From her personal experiences with burnout and cancer to her role as a trailblazer in wellbeing intelligence Jen has dedicated her career to helping people thrive—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Jen has a new book titled, Hope Is The Strategy: The Underrated Skill That Transforms Work, Leadership, and Wellbeing. As you're about to hear, Jen shares, “My identity had slowly merged with my output and I became what I produced." She realized she had no real hope in anything so she just worked to stay busy, filling the void with production and accomplishment. She was languishing in performance with profound emotional emptiness. Finally, she says, “I began to understand that productivity is a tool, not a purpose; that work is a part of life, not its meaning; that doing is important, but being is essential." Today she focuses on doing less, but doing activities of more value, and questioning what all she is doing for external validation alone.  Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are a world that devours stories. Most people tune in every night to be taken in by the stories others are living or they have created, and the vast majority of these stories are centered about a grand cause. The action and adventure movies and dramas we love so often showcase someone encountering a cause and devoting themselves to it. A cause. Something bigger than themselves that involves protecting or supporting the welfare of something or someone else. Finding and having a cause is often the most profound aspect of a life well lived. But we don’t seem to grasp how finding a cause works. We tend to think of learning and training and preparing, so that we can commit to something truly big and worthy. A grand purpose. A cause. My guest today argues, in the most compassionate way possible, we have it backwards, and that the greatest people ever known simply committed to something they believed in, and the journey within it is what made them great. It crafted and honed them. The challenge and trials and triumphs along the way is what refined them. Then the charge is not to commit to preparation, but to commit now and let the commitment prepare you along the way. Lynne Twist is a recognized global visionary and legendary humanitarian. Lynne wowed the world with her first book, The Soul of Money, but I had her on my show for her book, Living a Committed Life: Finding Freedom and Fulfillment in a Purpose Larger Than Yourself. Lynne’s own story began when she heard about the The Hunger Project where their goal was to end world hunger, and knew she was supposed to devote her life to it. She spent a decade there and has influenced more people through more humanitarian efforts than nearly anyone. Lynne has been an advisor to the Desmond Tutu Foundation. The United Nations honored her with a “Woman of Distinction” award. From working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta to the refugee camps in Ethiopia and the threatened rainforests of the Amazon, Lynne’s on-the-ground work has brought her a deep understanding of the social tapestry of the world and the historical landscape of the times we are living in. Over the past 45 years Lynne has worked with over 100,000 people in 50 countries in the arenas of fundraising with integrity, conscious philanthropy, strategic visioning and having a healthy relationship with money. Find Lynne Twist’s book, “Living a Committed LIfe” anywhere, and connect with her at Soulofmoney.org. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I feel we are in an age of trust. A desire for trust, and a lot of distrust. Right now you are listening to this podcast. Outside of podcasts that are news or entertainment, I see people tuning in to listen to hosts that they look to for…trust. You would not be listening here and now if you did not have a level of trust in me. And I see this as good and bad. As of this recording I am headed to a podcast convention where they are inducting my Dad, Dan Miller, into the Podcast Hall of Fame. He’s being inducted by Dave Ramsey and my family and I are receiving it and I’m giving the acceptance speech. I’m incredibly honored. But Dave Ramsey. He’s a celebrity who got famous for his guidance on money. Today however he has massive trust from a huge audience who looks to him for guidance on about everything. And I see a cultural who is erroring on over-trust. And I feel it brings up the question of how much we trust ourselves. So in this episode I have Dr. Shadé Zahrai with me. Shadé is a behavioral researcher, peak performance educator, and leadership strategist for major global companies, with a PhD in organizational behavior. She is known for helping organizations and individuals build confidence and overcome self-doubt through practical strategies drawn from psychology and neuroscience. Shadé has a new book that compiles her findings, Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, And Fuel Success. She walks us through a proven framework of Acceptance, Agency, Autonomy, and Adaptability, and helps us reveal and reframe limiting beliefs, quiet imposter thoughts, and reclaim our inner strength. Whether you’re second guessing a big decision, overthinking in high-stakes moments, or feeling stuck despite knowing you’re capable of more, Shadé has developed practical steps that lead to powerful, lasting results. You can find Shadé at bigtrustbook.com and do a 12 question self-diagnostics on your level of trust and self-doubt. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the world of self-help and psychology there are people who have made certain topics a household term. Gary Chapman made love languages famous. Henry Cloud is the grandfather of boundaries. Eckhart Tolle helped us conceive of the ego. And Melody Beattie is why we know about codependency, due to her classic tome, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. I was so honored to have an audience with Melody to discuss the book for a revised edition, just a few years ago. Since we talked, Melody has actually ended her time here on earth. But, her message lives on. Melody is literally cited as one of the pioneers of the self-help movement. This breakthrough book of hers still remains the resource on codependency. Newsweek named Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books of all time. Melody actually added a chapter on trauma to this revised edition and it went right to the top of the best seller charts, once again. As a human, can we even be completely non-codependent? I’m not sure, but by becoming aware of the signs and habits, we can surely mediate and mitigate codependency in our lives to a great degree. As humans we innately look for the A’s from other people;  approval, affirmation, attention, and acceptance. How codependent we are relates to how much we need those A’s to feel ok about ourselves. It’s nice to get them, but are we ok without them? Can we be at peace without desperately needing positive feedback and reinforcement from other people? The answer is yes and this show will discuss how. When I asked Melody about her own life and any regrets, she flatly stated, “I regret that I've spent much of my life ragging on myself for not being enough.” This is a thoughtful, pondering discussion with Melody where her compassion for herself and others will pour through. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I experience our culture growing more and more fearful of unexpected and undesired change. If you were to look back on your life and make a list of all the unexpected and undesired changes you have experienced in your life, I bet it’s fairly long. I would ask you to consider why you think many more unexpected and undesired changes aren’t ahead of you. But what I see is that when you have anxiety about the possible, and I’d say probable changes ahead of you, you are taking away from your ability to have joy and fulfillment today. I find myself looking at two perspectives. One, none of the unexpected and undesired changes in my past have killed me. They haven’t ruined me. And two, I amaze myself to think of how many of those unexpected and undesired changes actually turned out to be great, great gifts to my life. To unpack the psychology around change, in this episode I have Maya Shankar back on the podcast. I first had Maya on for the launch of her podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, which Apple awarded as the Best Show of the Year 2021. After four years of the podcast, Maya has now culminated her findings and experience in a book, The Other Side Of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans. Maya says, "I’ve written this for anyone who is currently in the choppy waters of  a change, is trying to make sense of a past change, or is anxious about  a future change." Maya is a cognitive scientist and was a Senior Advisor in the Obama White House, where she founded and served as Chair of the White House Behavioral Science Team. She also served as the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations. Maya has a postdoctoral fellowship in cognitive neuroscience from Stanford, a Ph.D. in cognitive psychology from Oxford on a Rhodes Scholarship, and a B.A. from Yale. She's been profiled by The New Yorker and been the featured guest on NPR's All Things Considered, Freakonomics, and Hidden Brain. All that to say, she knows the psychology behind change and is here to help us, help ourselves. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s say we are going to build a house. Think of all the roles and activities there are to fulfill. Designing the home. Clearing the land and building a foundation. Building the home, which includes framing, plumbing, electricity, roofing, and more. Putting the finishing touches on it, such as trim. Then buying furniture and interior design. Landscaping. Each role and activity embodies a different set of interests and skills. Which role and activity would you find most fulfilling? Think of the workplace. Everyone is working to ultimately deliver a product or service. In the business there are many roles and activities. No matter where I’m working and what the product or service is, I absolutely know the role and activity that fits me. And one of the best tools to help me clarify this is called The 6 Types Of Working Genius. You can find it at workinggenius.com. It’s $25 and I don’t make a dime. I’ve had all my kids and most of my friends take this, my clients as well. The profile helps me understand them and helps me guide them. Patrick Lencioni is one of the foremost influencers in business management and teams. He’s author of 11 best selling books and most anyone in business in America has read The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. I’ve had Patrick on the podcast three times and I experience him as one of the more insightful people I know regarding human behavior and performance. He has a book titled, The 6 Types of Working Genius, and the online assessment takes about 10 minutes, and again is at workinggenius.com. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On my own journey of connecting with myself and everything else, I find everything to seem richer and clearer and just more fulfilling. The base level pleasures of life don't satisfy as much. So when this book came across my desk, I was immediately interested. The book is, Undimmed: The Eight Awarenesses For Freedom from Unwanted Habits. The author is mother, investor, advocate, and founder, Cecily Mak. Cecily says she is devoted to helping people live dimmer-free, with clarity, courage, and the freedom to change without stigma or shame. Her story started with realizing she was using alcohol to dim her life, but our focus is no alcohol. It's any number of things we engage with that dim our lives. Think of what you turn to when you have a moment of freedom. Instead of being fully present in the moment and taking in the beauties and glories and realness of life, you fill it with what? Social media? A book or podcast, whether entertainment or self-help. Just being productive and getting something done? Buying things? Food, entertainment, and even exercise can be the fillers. Anything and everything other than being fully present and clear. In this episode I dig in with Cecily on the topic. We don't even get into the specifics of her "Eight Awarenesses For Freedom from Unwanted Habits," so before we start, I want to give them to you: 1 My Life Is Better Clear 2 I Choose What I Consume 3 My Intuition Defines My Priorities 4 My Trauma Isn’t My Identity  5 Forgiveness and Letting Go Are on the Path to Liberation   6 I Do Not Judge or Impose My Orientations Upon Others 7 Time Is Our Most Precious Currency 8 I Seek Ways to Support Others The book is Undimmed: The Eight Awarenesses For Freedom from Unwanted Habits and you can connect with Cecily on Instagram @clearlifejourney Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I seem to be a natural optimist. And as the former host of The Ziglar Show podcast, greatly appreciate Zig Ziglar’s famous quote, “Positive thinking won't let you do anything, but it will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.” That said, I now realize I spent a lot of my life as a father, husband, and friend, not always connecting with people when they were hurting or struggling. Today I strive to just be with people. Witness them. And be curious. When they are struggling, I don’t try to lift them up with positivity, or pull them further down by fanning the flames of their struggle. Someone who helped me with this is Whitney Goodman. Whitney is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who has taken on our concept of positivity and has an instagram following of well over half a million followers who are finding great help from her guidance and encouragement that life is well worth living, but treating it as a continual self-improvement project and bypassing our true feelings doesn’t leave room for a full, quality life. I understand now, that jumping from a negative experience right to positivity can rob us from the growth, learning, and peace we find in between. Whitney took her years of work as a therapist studying cultural positivity and wrote the book, “TOXIC POSITIVITY: KEEPING IT REAL IN A WORLD OBSESSED WITH BEING HAPPY.” The book is a dive into how we’ve distorted the concept of positivity, and how we can better handle the hard things in life and ultimately acknowledge them, but not be overwhelmed and controlled by them. Find Whitney Goodman at www.sitwithwhit.com. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In my experience, you can accomplish a lot of production by just working like a slave. Day in and day out. The world and most people will applaud you for it. But as I’ve stepped back from being a professional “doer” and given my attention to much more “being,” I’m realizing my fulfillment in life at large just increases. And my connection to myself, the world, and everyone keeps getting deeper. Further, I’m realizing that the lifestyles of the greatest minds I have been looking to for guidance, do not work like slaves. They do far less quantity of life, but in what I now value, have much more quality. So recently a book came across my desk about taking mini-retirements. At first glance I saw it as a tool to help you do literally that, take mini-retirements, or sabbaticals, from your work. But as I dug in, what I was drawn to most is how you must face your own identity and life values if you are not just working day in and day out. I found it all very, very revealing to help us ask, what are we doing, and why?! My guest and expert here is Jillian Johnsrud. Jillian is…not defined by her work. But inspired by the idea of sabbatical years, she set out to sprinkle retirements throughout her life. At 40, she has taken over a dozen mini-retirements. These allowed her to pursue dreams like living abroad, traveling to 27 countries, adopting four kids (plus two biological kids), investing in real estate, and touring the U.S. in a camper. She did this with her husband and kids and usually on less than $100k per year. Jillian has taught, coached, and wrote about mini-retirements for almost a decade. She has now written about her experience and insight in a new book, Retire Often: How anyone can take multiple career breaks to unlock adventure, advance their career, and find financial freedom. She hosts the Retire Often podcast and is a popular speaker and consultant for mini retirements. She lives in Montana, where she spends time in the garden drinking tea. Jillian’s book, Retire Often, is literally a manual for stepping away from work, no matter what you do, but as you’re about to hear, also addresses the philosophical questions that come into play. Find her at retireoften.com Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The ideas of time management and efficiency have never interested me much. I’ve always found them to feel constraining and tiring. But I also can’t claim I use my time as wisely as I could. In this episode we take some of our normal concepts of time to task and bring them into focus in accordance with what we actually value. My guest is Richie Norton and this was his second appearance on my podcast. Richie is one of these people who I find is an influencer to influencers. He’s been a very successful entrepreneur, but my experience is that everyone knows him as this huge light and source of energy and inspiration. His first book was, The Power of Starting Something Stupid, and this show is in regards to his second book, “Anti-Time Management: Reclaim Your Time and Revolutionize Your Results with the Power of Time Tipping.” What you’re about to hear is a very thoughtful conversation that begins with Richie observing that we as a culture have ever increasing full calendars, but emptier lives. The rest of the conversation is Richie’s guidance in how you can change that, right away. You can find Richie’s book, “Anti-Time Management: Reclaim Your Time and Revolutionize Your Results with the Power of Time Tipping” everywhere and his website is richienorton.com. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To make this statement, which is subjective, we need to clarify what we mean by self-worth. I have nine kids. Did they have any worth as infants? Or no, because they hadn’t earned their self worth  yet? How about as toddlers? Kindergartners? My belief is they were born with self worth. They deserve to have value in the world just because they exist. I think of the Rocky Mountains I live in. I don’t perceive that anything I observe has to earn its worth. They have worth because they are. Now us as humans, we may want to do some things. Grow and test ourselves. I get that and still look to behave in ways I respect as good choices and efforts. But like Viktor Frankl in a Nazi concentration camp, I want my self-worth not to rely on anything. I wish I’d understood this earlier in my life, as I’ve spent most of it working to earn my errant concept of, or ignorance toward, my self-worth. So in this episode I bring on a wonderful guide for this topic. Michelle Maros  is the cofounder of Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life, a non-profit that has inspired a global community dedicated to mental health, mindfulness, and emotional well-being, and she co-hosts the popular podcast Life Happens with Barb & Michelle, alongside her mom, Barb, where they have heartfelt conversations blending personal stories, spiritual insights, and practical tools for navigating life’s ups and downs. Michelle has devoted herself to extensive training in meditation and mindfulness and has a deep passion for helping people cultivate happiness, fulfillment, and inner peace. She has become a leading voice of her generation— reminding people that inner peace isn’t found in perfection, but in showing up each day with intention, compassion, and authenticity. She just came out with a book, Dear Friend: Daily Notes for Contemplation, Connection, and Clarity. I relate it to a daily devotional, and have been inspiring and reminding myself with her daily insights. As you’ll hear, I’m gifting some people in my life with this book for Christmas. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I continue to research human communication and find the vast majority of everything we communicate is subjective. We are seldom discussing facts and right, wrong, black, white issues. They may feel so to us, but if pressed we’d need to admit that what we are arguing or advocating for is not fact. The topic or issue is not unanimously proven. But it’s efficient to just cite our perspective as truth. It takes time and effort to really understand and consider all sides. So I sat down with an expert on this concept. Wendy K. Smith has a PhD in organizational behavior from Harvard and is the Dana J. Johnson Professor of Management and faculty director of the Women’s Leadership Initiative at University of Delaware. She is an expert on organizational paradoxes, exploring how leaders and individuals effectively respond to contradictory, yet interdependent demands. She spends her time continually working to better manage the paradoxes of life that we all face. Wendy is co-author of the book,"Both/And Thinking: Embracing Creative Tensions to Solve Your Toughest Problems.” This topic is of utmost importance to me as I continue to see our world in conflict and people more isolated. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In your younger years, you may have thought about your future self. I always wanted to be 30 and I would envision what it would look and feel like. I ultimately became 30. There I was. But I did not arrive and become the ultimate “Kevin” at that point. Five years passed and I became 35 and thought about how far I had come since 30. And this continues happening. As of this recording I just turned 55. Five years from now I’ll be 60 and likely be amazed at how much I have grown and evolved past the 55 year old I am now. This is the focus of this episode.  I am back with Dr Benjamin Hardy. I have had Ben on this podcast six or seven times. His personal story is the lead in the first chapter of my book, “What Drives You.” Ben’s books on willpower, personality, and personal transformation have put him at the top of the human potential movement. Here I give focus to Ben’s book,  Be Your Future Self Now: The Science of Intentional Transformation. It was through Ben that I first heard the concept of, “End of history illusion”, where as I led off with, we look back with amazement at how far we have evolved from who we used to be, but we think who we are now is…who we are. Ben takes us through his research to see how we can open up our personal transformation if we will engage with the future self we are going to become and not only conceive of who we are today. Ben Hardy is an organizational psychologist and has devoted significant research to this issue and become a leading expert on the application of Future Self science. Ben’s new book, Be Your Future Self Now, can be found everywhere and you can connect with him at benjaminhardy.com.  Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’ve likely heard the parable of two brothers with an alcoholic dad. One brother becomes an alcoholic, blaming his father and stating, "What else could I do?” While the other brother becomes a teetotaler, blaming his father and stating, "I watched my dad, and don’t want to end up like him.” We all have things that happen in our lives, and we create a story about it, based around a perspective we think is true. We attach meaning, and we believe it. Even though we often change our perspective later. What would it be like if we questioned our perspective to begin with? A few years ago I sat down with Kindra Hall to discuss this. Kindra is a Wall Street Journal best-selling author, international speaker, and the former Chief Storytelling Officer of SUCCESS Magazine. She wrote a book titled, Choose Your Story, Change Your Life: Silence Your Inner Critic and Rewrite Your Life from the Inside Out, which was my muse for our conversation. As you’re about to hear, this isn’t some Pollyanna positivity motivation. The point is to reveal how we are not writing about facts, but perspectives, and if we accept this, we can free ourselves. Find Kindra’s book anywhere and connect with her at kindrahall.com. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we talk a lot about running. But I want to expand it to all of you who spend a good amount of time outside in the elements. This isn’t a discussion to should on anyone, but just to share the value we’ve found in going outside, year around, braving the elements and the discomforts of our own bodies. What we gain, what we learn. So if you ride a bike, hike, swim, even walk, I think you’ll resonate with this discussion and possibly expand your joy in getting outside. My guest is Nicholas Thompson, well known as CEO of The Atlantic, an American magazine founded in 1857, which earned the top honor for magazines, General Excellence, at the National Magazine Awards in both 2022 and 2023. I’ve had multiple writers for The Atlantic on this podcast, such as Arthur Brooks and Charles Duhigg, both of whom have appeared here twice. Before joining The Atlantic, Nick was the editor-in-chief of Wired magazine and a contributor for CBS News. Nick has long been a competitive runner and in 2021, he set the American record for men 45+ in the 50K race. Nick just came out with a new book, The Running Ground: A Father, a Son, and the Simplest of Sports. In it, Nick shares his relationship with running, pushing himself, overcoming a challenging father, the death of his father, his own bout with cancer, dealing with obsessions, and why in the hiring process he looks for people’s ability to suffer for an end goal. I took the opportunity to commiserate with Nicholas on the joys of our devotion to going outside pretty much every day, to exert ourselves, and how the effort gives us a different experience of life. I think more so in today’s culture than ever where we tend to both stay inside more, and avoid any discomforts more. Again, I think those of you who do such things will find this talk confirming, and for those of you who don’t, I hope it will give more breadth to your thoughts about getting out and getting your heart rate up. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s culture I feel we have conflated beliefs with facts. I view us as a culture at war with our perspectives. We are seldom arguing about literal facts. Look at the news headlines, social media, and any reporting entity and you find great polarization and emotion around issues. And what is generally being debated is again, not fact, but belief. Belief we grow to thinking is actually fact, even when it can’t be. Why? My guest cites how we so often attach our beliefs to our identity. Then if the belief is questioned, your very identity is being questioned. Think about this. Have you ever heard someone say, “I tend to vote for Democrats, I align with a Catholic faith, I eat vegan, and I run a lot for exercise.” No. Listen to how we say it; “I’m a democrat, I’m a Catholic, I’m a vegan, and I’m a runner.” I am. It’s not my belief, it’s who I am. So let’s talk about what this is doing to us. My guest is cognitive scientist Andy Norman. Or let me rephrase that. My guest is Andy Norman who works as lot in cognitive science. Andy is an award-winning author of Mental Immunity: Infectious Ideas, Mind-Parasites, and the Search for a Better Way to Think. His research is on the emerging science of mental immunity as the antidote to disinformation, propaganda, hate, and division. Andy strives to help people develop immunity to bad ideas. As you’ll hear, my focus is really on the harm we do to ourselves and others when we are so rigid in our beliefs we won’t consider anyone who differs. As I already mentioned, Andy showcases how many, if not most of our beliefs, are more tied to our self-image than truth, and how this hurts us and everyone else. It’s ok to have strong beliefs, but if you feel strong in them and it’s not just to support your personal bias, then wouldn’t you be strong enough to allow someone to explain their differing beliefs and actually seek to understand them? My interest is around connection and peace instead of the conflict we continually see in our culture. Andy directs the Humanism Initiative at Carnegie Mellon University and you can find him at andynorman.org. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Surveys show there are more people in therapy than ever. On one hand I feel there is more benefit in talking with someone than not. And on the other hand I’m concerned whether all the therapy is paying off. Statistically, mental health continues on a decline. So when I heard about SFBT therapy, I intrigued myself. SFBT is Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, defined as a goal-oriented, short-term approach that focuses on identifying a client's strengths and resources to find solutions to their problems, rather than dwelling on the problems themselves. My guest today is one of the foremost experts on Solution-Focused Brief Therapy. Elliott Connie is a respected author, top psychotherapist, and thought leader in Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), takes a fresh approach. He has a book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Future: Overcome Challenges and Create a New Vision for Your Life Using the Principles of Solution-Focused Brief Therapy. In his book, Elliott challenges readers to rethink their questions and the thinking behind them, and I resonate with the concepts very much. The idea is using powerful, forward-focused questions that are designed to help you shift your mindset and create meaningful change. The highlights for me were the realization of how much more powerful it is when we think for ourselves and ask questions, rather than be told something. When we are told something by someone else, we can often push back against it. When we consider and come up with an answer to a question ourselves, we listen. We also got deep into the power of knowing and living in accordance with our core values. But not the “big picture core values,” as Elliott points out. We tend to think of beliefs and morality, but where he finds it most powerful is in the day to day values that actually support who we are and want to be. Elliott’s book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Future, is available now, and you can connect with him and SFBT at elliottconnie.com Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices