Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Ever feel like your friendships are trapped in the very general "how are you?" catch-up loop? Award-winning journalist Jonah Kaplan joins me to talk about moving from small talk to something more substantive that feeds connection. Jonah has spent two decades covering difficult stories for CBS and WCCO, and he’s learned that the best conversations—on camera or off—come from curiosity, empathy, and follow-up questions that go beyond the obvious.In a world of quick texts, busy schedules, and constant scrolling, it’s easy to keep friendships at the surface level. But the friendships that truly sustain us are the ones with depth. Related to the October friendship challenge for Dear Nina listeners, Jonah is an excellent guide for asking questions that bring conversations to another level.WE COVER:How to reframe small talk (try “What surprised you most about your trip?” instead of “How was it?”)Creating connection through conversation: don’t wait for invitations—initiateReading the room so vulnerability feels safe, not forcedWhy men need deeper conversations, tooHow honest conflict can make a friendship strongerThe power of mixed-age friendships to keep you growingWhat friendship and journalism have in commonMEET JONAH KAPLAN:Jonah Kaplan is an award-winning journalist (and the son of two rabbis!) who has built a strong reputation for his balanced reporting, thoughtful interviews, and deeply researched coverage of high-impact issues affecting the community. His work appears on all of WCCO's newscasts and is often featured on CBS News' programs and platforms, including the CBS Evening News, CBS Mornings and CBS 24/7. (See Jonah's full bio at cbsnews.com/team/jonah-kaplan/). Find him on Facebook or on 'X' at @JonahPKaplan.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

What do you do when a longtime friend copies your outfits, your home decor, and your lifestyle choices—and never once mentions where she got the inspiration? Nina answers a Real Simple Magazine letter about this exact dilemma and is joined by Candace Ourisman, creative director and founder of Secretly Fancy, to unpack the parts of the conversation she intentionally left out. Together they explore why being copied can feel like a compliment to some and an erasure to others, why the missing acknowledgment matters more than the imitation itself, and what to do when something has bothered you for years and you've never said a word. They also get into the blurry line between friendship and free labor—when a friend asks for your expertise and doesn't realize (or doesn't care) that it has value. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

What happens when your career grows… but your friendships feel more complicated? In this episode, I talk with research psychologist and public health scientist Dr. Kimberly Horn, author of Friends Matter for Life, about the hidden social cost of professional success—especially for high-achieving women. We explore why ambitious women can appear socially rich on the outside but feel disconnected on the inside. As responsibilities increase, friend circles often shrink. Invitations slow down. Conversations shift. And sometimes the very competence that fuels success quietly turns into over-functioning, resentment, or loneliness. We talk about: Why career advancement can make friendships feel murkier The “real friend vs. deal friend” dynamic The comparison trap—and how to handle jealousy without shame Over-giving, under-receiving, and what reciprocity actually looks like How to know when a friendship is temporarily “askew” versus truly unhealthy A simple, practical 2-2-1 ritual (2 texts, 2 calls, 1 in-person touchpoint each week) to stay meaningfully connected Friendship isn’t an extra. It’s a health habit. And if you’ve been telling yourself you’ll “get back to it” once things calm down at work, this conversation is your nudge. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

You can have friends. You can have plans. You can be socially active—and still feel emotionally unsettled. In this episode, Nina talks with Dr. Jeffrey Hall, professor and department chair of Communication Studies at the University of Kansas and director of the Relationships and Technology Lab, about what he calls the Loneliness and Connection Paradox: the experience of feeling socially connected and lonely at the same time. Dr. Hall, whose research on how long it takes to make close friends is widely cited (yes, the 200-hour study), shares new findings from the American Friendship Project exploring why this tension shows up most often during seasons of transition—especially in emerging adulthood (ages 18–30), but also during moves, career shifts, divorce, dating, kids leaving home, and other life changes. They discuss why loneliness isn’t always a red flag, how major life transitions disrupt our sense of social stability, why women may feel this ambivalence more intensely, and what it means to develop “ontological security”—that settled feeling when your life (and friendships) stop churning. They also touch on social media, generational narratives about loneliness, and new research suggesting that feeling connected today can actually increase your energy tomorrow. If friendships feel slower, shakier, or strangely unsatisfying—even though you have people in your life—this episode will give you a smarter frame for what’s happening. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

Why do so many of us assume our friends are mad at us when their tone changes, they don’t text back right away, or they seem a little less available? In this episode, I talk with licensed psychotherapist and author Meg Josephson about friendship anxiety, people pleasing, and the constant need for reassurance so many of us carry. We explore why people pleasing isn’t a personality flaw but a survival response called fawning, how it shows up in adult friendships, and why it often leads to burnout, resentment, and overthinking. Meg also shares practical tools for interrupting anxiety spirals, tolerating discomfort, and building more honest, sustainable connections—without trying to get everything “right” all the time. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

Knowing how to show up for a friend experiencing loss can feel overwhelming—and fear of saying the wrong thing often leads to silence. In this episode, Nina talks with grief coach and author Shelby Forsythia about how to support friends through loss of all kinds, including death, divorce, diagnosis, estrangement, and friendship breakups. Shelby shares the three stories grieving people often tell themselves, along with simple, human phrases that actually help—without platitudes, fixing, or reframing. This conversation offers practical guidance for staying connected, using language that comforts, and being a steady presence when a friend’s life has been turned upside down. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

What happens after you realize you’ve been excluded by the people you thought were your friends? In this episode, Nina is joined by bestselling author Amy Weatherly for an honest, grounding conversation about adult friendship after exclusion. Together, they explore why friendship gets murkier as we get older, how popular advice about inclusion and boundaries can conflict, and what actually helps when you’re hurt and stuck. Amy shares why rejection is an unavoidable part of building meaningful friendships, how confidence and self-reflection change the way we relate to others, and why it’s often better to stop chasing groups and start building connection one brave invitation at a time. This episode offers reassurance, perspective, and practical wisdom for anyone navigating rejection, shifting friendships, or the loneliness of not being chosen—and a reminder that you have more power than you think. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

In this episode, I talk with clinical psychologist Dr. Noelle Santorelli about mean mom culture, relational aggression, and why adult friendships can feel confusing and painful without looking overtly “mean.” We unpack the difference between exclusion and simply not being a fit, how covert behavior shows up in friend groups and parenting circles, and why forced inclusion often backfires—especially for kids. We also talk about social media, group texts, and how to pause and regulate before reacting when friendship dynamics get messy. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

This episode is a rapid-fire advice session built around your newest friendship questions—and my mom’s fifth time joining me on the show. Together, we talk through realistic expectations for milestone birthdays, uneven effort, group chat conflict, friend group tension, reaching out after long gaps, keeping secrets, and navigating uncomfortable moments with honesty and care. My mom brings decades of lived experience and a refreshingly direct perspective, while I add context from years of writing and podcasting about adult friendship. It’s practical, candid, and grounded in the belief that friendship is worth working on—without turning yourself inside out to make it work. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

It’s our end-of-year episode. Assistant producer Rebekah Jacobs joins me to break down the top cities listening to Dear Nina, the most popular episodes of 2025, and the friendship themes that clearly hit home—rejection, overthinking, repair, and the need to feel chosen. We reflect on this year’s friendship challenges, our biggest podcast moments, and what these patterns say about adult friendships. Thanks for listening this year. We’ll see you in 2026. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

College is supposed to be the easiest place to make friends—so why do so many students feel lonely, left out, or like they’ve already missed their chance? In this episode, I talk with Dartmouth Professor of sociology, Dr. Janice McCabe, about why college friendships aren’t nearly as automatic as we’ve been led to believe. We explore the idea of “friendship markets,” how campus structure shapes who becomes friends, and why timing, proximity, and opportunity matter just as much as personality. This conversation is for parents worried about a kid who came home unhappy, for students who didn’t click with their dorm or first group, and for anyone who’s ever wondered why friendship feels harder than it’s supposed to. If college hasn’t gone the way you hoped socially, this episode offers clarity, relief, and a reminder that you didn’t miss your chance. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

In this bonus episode, Nina shares a conversation from when she was a guest on Dr. Adam Dorsay’s podcast SuperPsyched. Together, they talk about what it actually takes to build friendships in adulthood—why waiting to be invited backfires, how to rethink reciprocity, and when to speak up (or step back) in a friendship. This episode is full of practical, no-nonsense guidance for anyone who wants a more connected social life and is ready to take back their power. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

Divorce doesn’t just end a marriage—it reshapes an entire social world. In this episode, I talk with divorce coach Hope Lutz Firsel about why friendships shift during and after divorce, why some people pull closer while others fade, and how to communicate what you actually need. Whether you’re navigating a divorce or trying to support someone you love, this conversation offers clarity and compassion. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

This final friendship challenge of the year is simple but surprisingly powerful: write one friend a genuine letter. Not a text, not a quick “thinking of you,” but a real note that names why this friendship matters to you. In this episode, Nina recaps all eleven past challenges from 2025 and explains why December’s challenge—putting your appreciation in writing—can shift a friendship in a way few gestures can. She offers ideas for choosing the friend, prompts to get you started, and a reminder that the message doesn’t need to be perfect to make an impact. A quiet, thoughtful way to close the year and strengthen one connection that means something to you. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

Nina talks with neuroscientist and author Dr. Ben Rein about the brain science behind some of the most emotionally charged parts of adult friendship. They unpack why introverts still need connection, why ghosting and quiet quitting sting so sharply, how jealousy shows up between friends, and what’s actually happening when you instantly “click” with someone new. Dr. Rein also shares simple, evidence-based habits that make friendships healthier and more resilient—because when we understand how the brain works, we can navigate our relationships with more confidence, clarity, and compassion. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

What actually makes a friendship last? In this episode, Nina talks with longtime best friends Pam “Sunny” Sunshine and Peloton’s Jenn Sherman about the habits that have kept them close for over 40 years. From proximity and scheduling to cheering each other on, handling conflict honestly, and staying open to new friendships later in life, their story is full of practical takeaways for anyone craving steadier, more joyful connections. Whether you’re rebuilding your friend circle or trying to protect the friendships you treasure, this conversation will help you see what really matters—and what doesn’t. Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

You've arrived at the best academic nerd-out ever on the movie Beaches. Find out why CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's instant friendship chemistry, breakups and makeups, and tear-jerker ending still wrecks us (in the best way). Is there something we can still learn in 2025 about making, keeping, and losing friends from this late 80s film? Absolutely. And professors of psychology agree!My assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, and I were thrilled to dissect Beaches and its timeless lessons on friendship with psychology professors Paul Eastwick of UC Davis and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University. Paul and Eli are also the dream team behind the Love Factually podcast, where they explain what our favorite romantic films get right--and wrong--about the science of romance. For this episode of Dear Nina, they turned that laser focus to friendship instead. We examined CC & Hillary's iconic bond through research on conflict, jealousy, apologies, complementary roles, the “soulmate” mindset, and more. We laughed a lot too! Yes, we quote the department store fight. Yes, we talk about "Wind Beneath My Wings" and other unforgettable songs from the film. Yes, Rebekah wore a Bette + Barbara t-shirt. It’s peak friendship content with genuine lessons for your adult friendships. Don't miss this one! HIGHLIGHTS:What Beaches gets right about how close friends actually operate.Why the first apology flopped, what finally worked, and how to apologize like a grown-up.The “best friend” myth, challenged: You don’t need a single ride-or-die to have a rich friendship life.Do opposites attract? That's not backed by relationship science, but roles do emerge in most relationships.Why “I’ll hire a nurse” isn’t the same as “I’ll take care of you,” and how responsiveness deepens bonds.Anger is often a mask for hurt; naming the deeper feeling opens the door to repair.Forgiveness lands when both people agree a “debt” exists. Your romantic partner as your "best friend" might not be the best idea. How your beliefs about soulmates influences they way you're willing to work things out (or not)."Transformation of motivation" was a new term to Rebekah and to me, and we loved it. You'll have to listen to learn more! LINKS MENTIONED:The Love Factually podcast, hosted by Paul and EliThe White Lotus/Dear Nina episode where Nina and Rebekah discuss the friendship trioListen to the Beaches soundtrack on Spotify MEET THE PROFESSORS:Eli Finkel is a Professor of Psychology and Management at Northwestern University. He is the author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, the founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement, and the co-host of the Love Factually podcast.Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and author of the forthcoming book Bonded by Evolution. His research and writing has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, The Atlantic, NPR, and Scientific American Mind, and he is a co-host of Love FactuallyMEET REBEKAH JACOBS:Rebekah Jacobs is the assistant producer of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship and a writing professor who lives in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband and three kids.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

This month’s friendship challenge is all about generosity, but not the kind that empties your wallet or the type that requires a special occasion like a birthday or holiday gift. Think thoughtfulness and the joy of letting friends know you're thinking of them for no reason whatsoever. It's generosity of time and spirit merely to show friends they matter to you.A small gesture can leave a big impact. In this short episode, I share a few stories of simple, meaningful gestures from friends that have stayed with me for years. Some of those gestures were in the form of an expected gift (like a novel or cookbook) and others were simply an offer to be there on an emotional day, sending a “this made me think of you” text, or sharing a photo or meme that made me smile. All the examples inspired me to do the same over the years.Doing something unexpected for a friend is the easiest challenge yet. Well, maybe writing your friends' birthdays in your calendar for April was even easier, but this one is up there.Whether you’re gifting a cookbook, sharing a poem, or sending a funny meme, this challenge is about reminding your friends that you’re thinking of them, not because you have to, but because you want to.AND, make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know what you did or plan to do. Let's share ideas!As always, if this episode made you smile or inspired you, share it with a friend, leave a review, or post it to your story. That small act of generosity fits the challenge perfectly. :)MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here. Episode 170: "The Friend Who Really Sees You." This was my conversation with poet Hannah Rosenberg about friendship and her book SameCookbooks mentioned: Robyn sent Peas, Love, & Carrots. Julie sent Vegan At Times.Find me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

"This made me think of you." Is there anything more delightful to hear from a friend? These are the words often written between friends when someone shares one of Hannah Rosenberg's (always viral!) poems from Instagram. And the incredible Hannah Rosenberg is my guest on Dear Nina. I was so excited to meet the woman behind the words I've been sharing in my own Instagram stories for years. Hannah is the author of the poetry collection, Same, from St. Martin's Press, and her work about friendship, motherhood, and everyday life has made thousands of people online say or write “same” in the comments or when they share her work.Together Hannah and I dive into what it actually means to feel seen, and how to make your friends feel seen. Hannah reads some of her most-shared friendship poems. There are tears (the good kind). And it’s a warm, genuine conversation about connection, vulnerability, and the friendships that quietly save us.Topics we cover:The meaning behind “Same” and how it became a viral poetry movementWhy adult friendship deserves real rituals and recognitionHow to bridge distance and stay close when life changesThe difference between being comforting and being dismissiveFriendship poems that say what we all feel but can’t quite expressPoems & passages mentioned“When I Needed My Friends” “Group Text”“Home (for Katie)”  “Marriage of Friends” MEET HANNAH ROSENBERG:Hannah Rosenberg is a poet whose work has been shared widely online, and she has been featured in publications serving women and parents like Darling and In Kind. She lives in the greater Philadelphia area with her husband and daughter, who often find themselves as the subjects of her poems. You can find her work on Instagram @hannahrowrites. Learn more at hannahrowrites.comALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.

Want a social gathering for making new friends or deepening friendships that’s not a book club, not mahjong, not a cooking club, not pickleball—just high-level, soul-filling conversation? Enter "the salon."Linda-Marie Barrett, author of Creating a Salon: The Magic of Conversations that Matter, shows us exactly how to plan a modern salon: who to invite (and who not to), how to set a clear purpose, what to do about dominant talkers, and why ending well matters as much as beginning well.If this episode nudges you to start a salon, tell me how it goes. What did you try? What surprised you? What will you tweak next time? All the ways to find me are in the link below.What we coverWhat a salon is (and isn’t): an intentional, guided conversation on a themeWhy salons help friendship: they deepen bonds and create new ones by giving everyone structured airtime.Hosting with with authority and kindness: Linda-Marie and I talk timers, bells, and how to intervene when someone is taking over to make sure everyone in the group has a chance to participate.Designing the experience: purpose, people, place, ground rules, accessibility, potluck flow, parking and a thoughtful way close the evening.Trouble spots: late arrivals, phones on the table, oversharing, and the art of the one-on-one follow-up.A complete sample format of a salon you can lift for your first salon.MEET LINDA-MARIE BARRETT:Linda-Marie Barrett is a writer, editor, and executive director of the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA). Before that, she was at Malaprop’s Bookstore/Cafe, where she wore many hats, including events manager and founder and host of a book club that continues today, Women In Lively Discussion or WILD. She has been hosting her Black Swan Salon since 2017 and has no plans to ever stop. She lives with her husband, writer and blogger Jon Mayes, in Asheville, North Carolina. Find her on Facebook and Instagram.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Check out this week's sponsor: THE MIDLIFE CREATIVE STUDIO! Head to the MidlifeCreativeStudio.com and use code DEARNINA at checkout to carve out an hour all to yourself, for free. Special thank you, as always, to assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs.