The AuDHD Boss: Neurodiversity at Work with Brett Whitmarsh

Purity culture. High control religion. Autistic masking. In this episode, Brett (The AuDHD Boss) gets vulnerable about growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical environment—and how rigid rules and shame can stay in your body long after you’ve “left.”Brett is late-diagnosed Autistic + ADHD, and in this conversation with author and educator Erica Smith, they explore why purity culture can feel especially “sticky” when you’re used to rule-following, people-pleasing, and masking for safety. Erica is the author of The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve and founder of the Purity Culture Dropout Program—inclusive, trauma-informed education many of us never received.In this episode we talk about:What purity culture is (and how it became a movement)How shame and fear shape relationships and identityWhy rigid rules can feel “safe”—and how to replace them with your valuesWhat “deconstruction” means and how it can support healing“Is it too late?” (No. Ever.)Late coming-out, “second adolescence,” and reclaiming your timelineHow to talk to partners about your background without apologizing for itLinks & resources:Erica Smith’s book (affiliate): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9798881801304Purity Culture Dropout Program: https://www.ericasmitheac.com/the-purity-culture-dropout-programMore from AuDHD Boss: AuDHDboss.com(For education and lived experience—not medical advice.)00:00 Purity culture, high control religion & autistic masking00:56 Leaving the church, carrying shame + rigid rules01:47 Meet Erica Smith + The Purity Culture Recovery Guide02:47 What purity culture is (broad + specific)04:15 Why it took hold in the 90s (True Love Waits)05:46 Reading recovery work when it feels activating07:42 Skip to the chapters you need (how Erica designed the book)10:10 Myths and misinformation purity culture taught12:59 Long-term impacts: fear, paralysis, pain, disconnection14:53 Autistic masking + rigid rule-following overlap16:04 Replacing rules with your values18:02 What “deconstruction” means18:47 “Is it too late?”21:27 Late coming-out + “second adolescence”24:49 Why “waiting for marriage” still has a hold28:02 Talking to partners without apologizing30:18 Final thoughts + where to find Erica

What was that moment you thought, “Oh… I think I have ADHD”?In this episode, I’m joined by Cate Osborn (Catieosaurus) and Erik Gude (Hey Gude)—the authors of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults—for a practical, honest conversation about what it actually looks like to live with ADHD as an adult.We talk about why so much “helpful” advice doesn’t work for ADHD brains, how to build systems you can restart without shame, and what support can look like when you’re late-diagnosed (including when ADHD overlaps with autism/AuDHD).And yes—we also go into the adult stuff: relationships, intimacy, sex, communication, and the parts of ADHD life people don’t always say out loud.In this episode, we cover:How Cate and Erik approached writing a book as two people with ADHDExecutive dysfunction, motivation, and why “simple” solutions often failADHD-friendly systems, accommodations, and sustainable routinesADHD and relationships: intimacy, communication, and repairSelf-compassion and personal responsibility—holding both at once The ADHD Field Guide for AdultsIf you enjoyed this episode, please follow/subscribe and leave a review—it helps more neurodivergent adults find the show.

Self-esteem has been a complicated one for me as an AuDHD adult (autism + ADHD). I can be confident and capable in certain areas—and then hit a wall in others and immediately start wondering, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do the thing?”In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned about how AuDHD can impact self-esteem for me—especially on the other side of diagnosis—along with what I try when I feel a spiral coming on. I talk about internalized ableism and masking, imposter syndrome at work, what it looks like when my body knows I’m overwhelmed before I do (alexithymia), and how I anchor back to what I know is true.This isn’t a “you should” episode. It’s me being honest about what it feels like in my brain—and what I’m experimenting with to build self-trust.Resources mentionedNeurodivergent Insights glossary (alexithymia): https://neurodivergentinsights.com/neurodivergent-insights-glossary/Self-Care Activities for Autistic People card deck (Dr. Megan Anna Neff): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781507225066Show notes bullets (for apps that surface these):AuDHD and why it can feel “not quite ADHD, not quite autism”Strengths vs. struggles and the imposter syndrome gap“A different way in” — reframing walls without self-blameSupport without shame (reducing steps, ordering takeout when needed)Alexithymia + body cues + spiraling thoughtsAnchoring to what I know is true + a 20–22 minute resetPracticing pride: “take the win”

For the first time in my life, I’m starting a job as my full AuDHD self—fully diagnosed, fully open, and not trying to pretend I’m neurotypical. And it made me ask a question I think every AuDHD person deserves to ask:What kind of employee do you want to be when masking isn’t the price of admission?In this episode, I reflect on masking in new roles, what changed after my late autism + ADHD diagnosis, and how I’m learning to build a job around my needs instead of retrofitting myself into “corporate rules.”We talk about AuDHD needs at work (novelty, collaboration, structure, recovery), the push/pull of ADHD chaos and autism routines, meetings I miss vs meetings I don’t—and the grief of losing built-in workplace community.Question for you: What’s one accommodation, routine, or boundary that helps you thrive at work?Substack: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AuDHDBossWebsite: AuDHDBoss.com

Ever googled “best jobs for ADHD” or “best jobs for autism” — especially after a late diagnosis — and hoped someone would finally hand you the answer?In this episode, I’m going to give you the real answer: there isn’t one perfect job title for AuDHD (ADHD + autism). What actually matters is job fit — the match between your interests, your work environment needs, and the communication style you’ll have with your manager and team.You’ll learn:How to use “the spark” of a special interest to find realistic career entry pointsWhat environment factors to consider so you can thrive (not just survive)Why manager communication and check-ins can make or break a roleInterview questions that help you spot green flags and red flagsHow to answer: “What do you need to be successful in this role?” without disclosingLinksWebsite: https://audhdboss.comSubscribe on YouTube: https://youtu.be/R_Lx6TFvZ2AQuestion for you: Which part of job fit is hardest right now—interests, environment, or manager communication?

Finding a neurodivergent-affirming provider shouldn’t feel impossible — but for many autistic and ADHD adults, the healthcare system can be invalidating, confusing, or even overwhelming. In this episode, I’m sharing five questions that will help you determine whether a doctor, therapist, or assessor is truly affirming, respectful, and informed.In this episode you’ll learn:What “neurodivergent-affirming care” actually meansHow to screen a provider during an intake callGreen flags and red flags to listen forHow to avoid being pathologized or dismissedWhy these questions reveal so much about a provider’s mindsetYou deserve care that sees you, respects you, and works with your neurotype — not against it.Follow me on Substack, YouTube, and everywhere @AuDHDBoss for more support and strategies for autistic and ADHD adults.

Annual review season can feel overwhelming — especially if you’re ADHD, autistic, or otherwise neurodivergent. Memory gaps, freeze responses, stalled processing, panic, and the pressure to recall a whole year of work can make self-evaluations feel impossible.In this episode, I walk you through a neurodivergent-friendly, step-by-step process for writing your annual self-review — even if you didn’t track anything all year. This is the exact method I used during my 12+ years in leadership, and it’s the same process I taught my teams to help reduce overwhelm, increase clarity, and build confidence during annual review season.ou’ll learn how to do a brain dump that supports ND memory, how to use your calendar and colleagues to fill gaps, how to align your accomplishments with company OKRs and KPIs, and how to advocate for a raise, promotion, or new responsibilities using real evidence — all without masking or losing your authentic voice.Whether you’re aiming for growth, stability, or simply want to get through this process without melting down, this episode will help you approach your review with clarity and self-trust.Why annual reviews trigger freeze mode for ND brainsHow to start your self-review (even from zero)Using your calendar to rebuild the yearGetting memory support from trusted colleaguesHow to align your accomplishments to goals you forgot you setHow OKRs and KPIs actually matter in your reviewUsing AI tools without losing your authentic voiceHow to make the case for raises, promotions, or new titlesWhat managers look for and how to prepare effectivelyHow to set realistic expectations to avoid RSD spiralsWhy ongoing alignment with your manager is the secret to long-term growth https://www.audhdboss.com or https://substack.com/home/post/p-180356961

Career coach Alex Lahmeyer joins Brett Whitmarsh (The AuDHD Boss) to talk about finding a workplace where you can truly belong as a queer and neurodivergent professional — from navigating interviews to building inclusive Employee Resource Groups and sustaining psychological safety at work.In this episode of The AuDHD Boss, Brett sits down with career coach and talent consultant Alex Lahmeyer (they/them) to explore how LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent professionals can find workplaces that honor who they are — not just what they do.You’ll learn:How to spot psychological safety during an interviewSmart questions to ask about inclusion and company cultureHow to start and sustain Employee Resource Groups (ERGs)Why networking is really about community-building for neurodivergent brains🔗 Connect with Alex: https://linktr.ee/boundlessarc🔗 Follow Brett ( @AuDHDBoss ): audhdboss.com🎧 Subscribe for more episodes on neurodiversity, leadership, and belonging in the corporate workplace.

After being laid off, I learned that you can’t skip the grieving process — especially when your work was tied to your identity.In this episode, I share what it’s been like to process grief, burnout, and identity loss as an autistic and ADHD (AuDHD) leader after job loss. From losing community and structure to rediscovering creativity and unmasking, this is an honest look at what recovery really feels like.🔹 Why layoffs hit differently for neurodivergent professionals🔹 How burnout recovery overlaps with grief and self-worth🔹 What happens when leadership identity disappears overnight🔹 Finding rest, creativity, and new purpose after burnout🎧 This episode pairs with a YouTube video and a written reflection on Substack — complete with a bonus “beach story” that didn’t go as planned!➕ Watch on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@audhdboss📝 Read the companion essay + bonus video: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com

I recently lost my job leaving me staring at a blank resume wondering “where do I even start?” — especially with an ADHD brain.So I turned to career coach Liora Natania, founder of Colorful Futures, a neurodivergent queer-run HR and career consulting business. They bring a more holistic approach this job search process.Liora has a background in recruitment and their company is dedicated to helping neurodivergent and queer professionals navigate job searching, career growth, and self-employment—without burnout, masking, or corporate BS. Specifically, Liora specializes in resume and LinkedIn optimization, interview prep, and job search strategy.And that’s where we focus our conversation today. We talk about how to manage panic applying that chases dopamine, executive function walls we hit, and how to navigate AI with our resumes. I got so much out of this conversation with Liora and I am so excited to share it with you.We explore:✅ Why ADHD brains jump into urgency and panic applications✅ Career discovery as the first step — not job boards✅ Whether AI actually screens out resumes (and how to write for both AI and humans)✅ Simple, ADHD-friendly resume strategies✅ Networking without forcing small talk✅ Building a job search routine that doesn’t destroy your nervous systemIf you're navigating ADHD, burnout, job loss, or career confusion, this episode will help you restart with intention, clarity, and self-trust.🎙️ Guest: Liora Natania, Career Coach | Colorful Futures📍 Follow Liora: @colorfulfutures👋 I’m Brett, The AuDHD Boss — helping neurodivergent professionals thrive at work without masking or burning out.🔗 Coaching & newsletter: https://substack.com/@brettwhitmarsh

When an employee shares that they have ADHD or autism, how should a manager respond? What words build trust, and what words damage it?In this episode, Brett — The AuDHD Boss — shares a manager’s guide to responding with empathy, professionalism, and support when someone discloses ADHD or autism at work. Drawing on 12+ years of leadership experience as an autistic manager with ADHD, Brett breaks down:✅ What to say (and what NOT to say) when employees disclose ADHD or autism✅ Why every ADHD and autistic experience is unique — and why curiosity matters✅ Common mistakes managers make that harm trust and productivity✅ How simple accommodations can improve performance for everyoneThis episode is both a guide for managers and a resource for employees who want to share this with their bosses or HR teams. If you’re working toward a more inclusive workplace, this conversation will help.🌐 More from Brett:Website → audhdboss.comSubstack → brettwhitmarsh.substack.comYouTube → YouTube.com/@audhdboss

Stepping into management as an autistic professional with ADHD brought a unique mix of strengths—and a lot of anxiety. In this episode, I share my personal story of transitioning from individual contributor to manager, and how I faced professional anxiety, imposter syndrome, and the fear of letting others down.We’ll explore:Why new managers often feel overwhelmed by expectationsThe push-and-pull between micromanaging and letting goHow mentorship helped me move past defensiveness and imposter syndromePractical tools I use to reduce professional anxiety as an autistic leader with ADHDIf you’ve ever felt like you weren’t “good enough” to lead, or you’re navigating management while neurodivergent, this conversation is for you.👉 Subscribe for more real stories and strategies on leadership, ADHD, and autism in the workplace.Links:Newsletter + blog: brettwhitmarsh.substack.comCoaching + resources: audhdboss.comWatch on YouTube: Audio BossADHD in the workplaceAutism in the workplaceAutistic bossADHD leadershipAutistic leadershipImposter syndrome at workProfessional anxietyNew manager anxietyNeurodivergent managerADHD career growthAutism career growthAuDHD bossCorporate leadership strategiesMentorship and managementOvercoming workplace anxietyNeurodiversity at workLeadership for ADHD professionalsLeadership for autistic professionals

In this episode, I share my journey of coming out as queer and how it unexpectedly became the beginning of unmasking my autistic and ADHD identity. From growing up in a high-control religious environment to finding safety in the workplace, I talk about the challenges of masking, the fear of showing my true self, and the deep relief of self-acceptance.You’ll hear how coming out helped me step into authenticity, what it taught me about masking and energy, and why creating safe spaces at work matters for neurodivergent professionals.If you’ve ever struggled with masking, people-pleasing, or hiding parts of yourself, this conversation is for you.👉 Don’t forget to subscribe to The AuDHD Boss for more episodes on ADHD, autism, and thriving as a neurodivergent professional.📚 Resources mentioned in this video:Dr Neff's The Autistic Masking Workbook (from Neurodivergent Insights.com) *****USE CODE AUDHDBOSS***** FOR A DISCOUNT ON THE WORKBOOK more here: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autistic-masking/autistic-masking/Autistic Burnout Workbook by Dr. Megan Anna Neff: https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781507223062Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents:https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781626251700Deconstruction and Coming Out Resources from Erica Smith, M. Ed:https://www.ericasmitheac.com/webinars-booksEmbrace Autism – https://embrace-autism.com/audhd-and-camouflaging/👉 Check out my full Autism Masking Playlist here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvgCuULIHenWGoJhC5GCubniGTuAt6TkT

In this episode, I explore autistic masking — what it is, why it happens, and how it impacts identity, mental health, and burnout. Drawing from Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s Autistic Burnout Workbook and research from Embrace Autism, I share definitions, examples, and personal insights from my own experience as a high masker. We talk about the conscious and unconscious ways autistic people adapt to fit in, the connection to ADHD camouflaging, and why masking can be both protective and exhausting.Whether you’re autistic, ADHD, or supporting someone who masks, this conversation offers a deeper understanding and practical takeaways.Be sure to use my code AUDHDBOSS for a discount on Dr. Neff's AutisticMasking Workbook : https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autistic-masking/autistic-masking/

What’s really happening when an autistic person has a meltdown or shutdown at work? In today's episode I am reviewing the differences between autistic meltdowns and shutdowns. In doing so, I am reading from Embrace Autism's blog on what meltdowns and shutdowns along with my experiences of these descriptions. For more information on this topic read more from Embrace Autism's website here. Please note this episode is audio-only this week. I read from a newly updated Embrace Autism article that explains the BIMS profile: Burnout, Inertia, Meltdowns, and Shutdowns. Then, I share personal stories of how masking, miscommunication, executive dysfunction, and sensory overwhelm have triggered these experiences for me in real-time — sometimes in high-stakes workplace situations.If you’ve ever struggled with emotional overload, gone completely silent in meetings, or felt deep shame after "losing it" at work — this episode is for you. You’ll also learn research-backed strategies for recognizing early signs, completing the stress cycle, and supporting recovery.Topics in this episode include:Meltdowns vs shutdowns: what’s the difference?What overload looks like in the workplaceHow ADHD and masking contribute to dysregulationShame and recovery after a shutdown or meltdownTools to recognize early signs and self-regulate🎧 Listen now and subscribe for more episodes on neurodiversity at work, unmasking, burnout, and thriving as a professional with ADHD and autism.🧠 Coaching + resources: https://audhdboss.com📬 Subscribe to the newsletter: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com#AutisticBurnout #ADHDAndAutism #MeltdownVsShutdown #NeurodivergentAtWork #AuDHD #Masking #ExecutiveDysfunction #WorkplaceAccommodations

In this episode, I get real about the biggest mistakes I’ve made as a leader—and how being diagnosed with autism and ADHD gave me a new lens on all of them.From reacting too quickly to letting my ADHD hijack team priorities, I share hard-earned lessons that every manager—especially those who are neurodivergent—needs to hear. If you’re in a leadership role and navigating your own neurodivergent traits, this one’s for you.🎥 Watch the full video version on YouTube📩 Sign up for my newsletter: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com🌐 More tips at https://audhdboss.com

What happens when you unmask autism and ADHD—on a comedy stage—during Pride?In this solo episode, I share the chaotic, hilarious, emotional journey of performing my first stand-up set as an autistic, ADHD queer adult.From scripting punchlines and channeling sitcoms to mic stand disasters and post-performance crashes, this is more than a comedy story—it’s a story about identity, burnout, recovery, and pride.🎧 In this episode:How I used stand-up comedy to process masking and queer identityWhy emotional burnout hits hard after unmaskingMy ADHD script prep hacks and crash recovery toolsWhat I learned about my AuDHD brain by stepping into the spotlight🎤 And yes... the mic stand really did fall apart.Unmasking Autism, Comedy and ADHD, Autistic Performer, Neurodivergent Pride, Masking & Burnout, Stand-Up with AuDHD, Emotional Overload, Queer and Autistic, ADHD Recovery, Religious Trauma

Is it worth getting an ADHD or autism diagnosis later in life? I’m Brett, The AuDHD Boss—an autistic manager with ADHD—and in this episode, I’m answering one of the most common questions I get from late-diagnosed professionals: “Should I get a formal diagnosis?”In this episode, I share:The personal questions I asked before getting diagnosedHow diagnosis helped me at work (and when I didn’t actually need it)Why self-diagnosis is still valid and valuableThe pros and cons of disclosing at workWhat you need to consider before taking the next stepWhether you're wondering about accommodations, clarity, or just curious what others have experienced—this episode will help you explore the decision from a strength-based, real-world perspective.📬 Join my newsletter for more workplace tools: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com🌐 Learn more at: https://audhdboss.com#ADHDDiagnosis #AutismDiagnosis #LateDiagnosis #AuDHD #NeurodivergentWorkplace

I’m an autistic leader with ADHD, and I’ve spent over a decade working in a leadership position in corporate workplace. And for most of that time, I’ve masked—hard.What does masking at work actually look like for an autistic manager with ADHD? And what does it cost us to stay “professional” every day?In this episode, I’m reflecting on masking in the corporate workplace—from learning to read the room to choosing when to speak, how to show up, and how to recover when masking becomes too much.As a leader with autism and ADHD, I talk why I still mad in the workplace, the toll masking takes on my identity and energy, and how I’m learning to unmask in a way that protects both my mental health and my leadership effectiveness. Whether you’re neurodivergent yourself or managing someone who is, this episode is for anyone who wants to better understand what masking is—and how to make room for authenticity in professional spaces.

n this episode, I explore the meaning of neuroqueering through my own lived experience as a queer, autistic, ADHD adult. Joined by Dr. Megan Anna Neff (Neurodivergent Insights), we dive into:The definition and origins of the term "neuroqueer"How masking and identity suppression lead to burnoutThe grief of coming out and discovering you're neurodivergent later in lifeWhat it means to heal your inner childWhy unmasking is a slow, emotional, and communal journeyWe also discuss how safety, community, and self-permission are key to stepping into your authentic identity—and how queer and neurodivergent joy often go hand-in-hand.🎧 Tune in to hear how unmasking shaped my path, why I believe identity work must happen in community, and what neuroqueering means to me today.🔗 Related Links:Full interview with Dr. Megan Anna Neff: https://youtu.be/Df4V9-vvinoMy Substack & Office Hours: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.comNick Walker's original neuroqueer writing: https://neuroqueer.com/neuroqueer-an-introduction/**📚 Links Mentioned:** - Order Dr. Neff's **Autistic Burnout Workbook**: https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781507223062- Dr. Neff's Website: https://neurodivergentinsights.com-Order Dr. Neff's Self Care for Autistic People: https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781507221938📖 Learn more about Dr. Neff:https://www.neurodivergentinsights.com/Substack: https://substack.com/@neurodivergentinsights https://neurodivergentinsights.substack.com