Love & Cherish Podcast with Laura How

In my work with couples, it is common to see each person attributing the cause of their unhappiness to their partner. One partner will insist they would be happy if only the other would just sort themselves out and become a better person. Part of my work involves helping the couple to consider what they each might be bringing to the relationship that is causing harm. He might need to honestly acknowledge his tendency to avoid conflict and withdraw when things get uncomfortable. He might benefit from considering that this could be because he was brought up by a family that never talked about feelings. She might need to learn not to criticise or sulk when she feels uncared for and to recognise that some of these feelings might have been caused by her relationship with her father who was often unavailable. Ultimately, we need to develop positive feelings towards our partners, which is difficult if our complaints about them are not balanced by some real awareness of our own shortcomings.

It seems to me; most people nowadays think that happy couples are somehow lucky. That they perhaps managed to find ‘the one’ and that the seemingly blissful union they share is a result of good fortune. Most people have it wrong. It is truer to say that often, those of us who would describe ourselves as fulfilled and secure in our unions, have in fact worked hard at creating such harmony and strength as a couple over time. One of the most beautiful and essential elements to this focussed dedication, is the creation of a mainly positive atmosphere or landscape, which flows from both parties towards the other and for their relationship. For their past, for their present, and for their future. They have a co-created love affair with their love affair! They think and say kind and complimentary things about each other. Their memories are fond despite the challenges they have faced, and they are equally hopeful about their shared life ahead. This kind of couple touch us all. In old age, they are the couples with a bright glint in their eyes, and beautiful stories to tell. Their physical youth may have faded but their love for one another remains clear and strong. A beacon of grace, dignity, wisdom, and sanity.

What is your relationship with yourself like? I ask many clients this question as it often occurs to me early on in our working relationship that people don’t appear to know themselves very well at all. The knowing of oneself is an essential aspect of the feeling of wholeness and a necessary component of authenticity. These feelings are worth striving for. They are a worthwhile goal and something meaningful to aim at. They are something of an ideal, as they protect us against such feelings as anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. Do the work. If you are young, middle aged or old. It is never too soon, and it is never too late.

When it comes to building strength, a major turning point occurred for me when I understood in no uncertain terms, that I was responsible for the quality and outcome of my life no matter what I had encountered as a child. Part of this involved being able to clearly, and honestly identify personal weaknesses, so that I could work out how to overcome them and grow in strength, and as a person.

Self-regulation is a facet of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to engage control over our own thoughts, emotions, and impulses. It is at the heart of healthy and mature relationships.  If our relationships are to survive, we need to develop a capacity to pause when we are faced with a difficult thought or feeling. Take some time to consider it before we act, so that we can decide what might be the best way forward. 1. Tune in to the moment. Pay attention to what is going on inside you. Are you thinking negative thoughts? Is there tension in your body? Notice such things without judgement. Practice mindful breathing as this will help you gain some space around the thoughts or feelings. 2. Practice cognitive reframing. This involves changing thought patterns which threaten to create bad feelings towards a more positive emotional outcome. 3. Start to increase your awareness and understanding that in every moment you have a choice in how you think, feel and therefore behave. It might feel as though this is not true, but it is. The more we show up and take responsibility for what we are bringing to the moment, the more empowered we are to act in healthy ways.

Relationships do not maintain themselves. Day-to-day work in committed relationships is vital for their survival. I am convinced it is this consistent effort that ensures couples stand a chance of creating a relationship that is more healthy, more stable, more enjoyable, and more satisfying. It is this steady care and attention, that serves to protect relationships from running into serious and potentially insurmountable trouble later on. In fact, it is this commitment to effort that is the very nature of real and enduring love. Today, I discuss 5 Habits that will help make your relationship last. #relationships #sex #therapy

Relationships, like cars, require regular maintenance in order to keep running smoothly and to avoid breakdowns. We must commit to addressing problems as they arise. This is in fact part of good relationship maintenance. If our partner starts making a noise, or we do for that matter, usually in the form of some kind of unhappiness or dissatisfaction, we must take it seriously. We must be interested in what they or we are experiencing. We must set aside time to address the issue and commit to finding a solution. Today, I discuss 5 ideas to help you avoid relationship breakdown. #relationships #relationshipadvice #counselling

Building a life based in truthfulness, and the integrity that accompanies it, ensures we are building a life that is meaningful and healthy. It is the route to true self-esteem, self-respect, peace of mind, and confidence. Telling the truth is essential to maintain good mental health and authentic relationships.

Are YOU a good partner? A good husband? A good wife? There seems to be a lot of talk about bad partners, but not so much about how to become GOOD or BETTER partners. I suspect, however, that if we thought more about whether WE are in fact good partners, our relationships would improve significantly. Set a positive example in YOUR relationship! Here is a list of 12 qualities a good partner or spouse should have. If all of these apply to you then congratulations, you are a good partner! If not, try to improve in a few areas for a month and watch how your relationship improves.

If you want to reduce anxiety and depression so that you can live to your fullest potential, you might need to consider clearing away the things that are holding you back. Good mental health is not achieved by magic. It comes as a result of good choices and good habits worked at over long periods of time. It is difficult to live badly and feel well. Here are five ways you can reduce anxiety and depression immediately.

This week I’m going to share with you 5 ways you could add more fulfilment to your life.

Listening to your partners complaints about you isn’t always easy and can be quite stressful, so in this video I’m going to share some strategies that will help you deal with these interactions in a more healthy and constructive way.

Why exactly do so many women stop having sex with their husbands? Is it due to a lack of care for their men, or is it because they have withdrawn over time because THEY don’t feel cared for? To help you work this out for your specific situation, I’ve put together a list of common reasons wives stop wanting to have sex with their husbands. The more you can eliminate from this list the better, but one or more might apply to you. I encourage you to address them consistently over the coming months and see how your love life changes.

When a husband emotionally checks out of a marriage, it doesn’t take too long for it to unravel entirely or for it to become at best, platonic, bland, and functional. So why do so many good men emotionally detach from their wives? Is it due to a lack of care for their wives, or have they withdrawn over time because THEY don’t feel cared for? To help you work this out for your specific situation, I’ve put together a list of three common reasons husbands withdraw from their wives and what you, the wife, might be able to do to invite him to want to be closer and more present with you.

Withholding is an expression of conditional love, whereby the withholder refuses to provide their partner with an emotional or physical need unless certain conditions are met. Withholding examples: • Stonewalling or ‘The Silent Treatment.’ • Withholding sex or physical affection. • Refusing offers of physical affection. • Failing to celebrate your partners achievements. • Avoiding deep or meaningful conversations. • Withholding verbal expressions of love or affection. • Refusing to comfort your partner in times of need. If you recognise any of these behaviours in yourself, or in your partner then this podcast is for you.

Needing closeness with your partner and wanting them to meet reasonable emotional needs for you is not weakness or co-dependency, it’s attachment and it’s our shared nature. When our needs are consistently met by our partners, we feel secure, and our bonds grow stronger. Our nervous systems regulate, we're less stressed, and we experience better physical health and all-round wellbeing. On the other hand, when our needs are not met, our sense of security is damaged, we feel isolated, disconnected and anxious and our health will deteriorate if this is goes on. In case you're not quite sure what needs are reasonable, then here's a list of examples: Trust Commitment Affection Appreciation Empathy Friendship Satisfying Sex Compromise Respect Quality Time Kindness Generosity If any of those things are missing from your relationship then you have a right to ask for them.

If you’re stuck in an unhappy marriage with a spouse that doesn’t appear to care about you, and for whatever reason, you can’t or won’t leave then as far as I can see, you have two choices. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER ▶▶▶ https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/ We are supposed to give our partners the best of ourselves, not the worst. Exceptional relationships are created by individuals that are radiating health and wellbeing. If your partner is dysfunctional in some way, then they are damaging to you and to your family if you have children. Addressing such issues successfully is part of a healthy marriage.

I would say that libido is one of the key indicators of general female health and quality of life. If you are a woman and your sex drive is low and you want it to improve, then this video is for you. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER ▶▶▶ https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/ Remember, your feminine libido is YOURS and it’s a beautiful and unique part of what makes you the woman you are. If it’s low or lost, then a part of you is low or lost and that’s not something to just accept if you truly want to live a full and rich life. It’s a feeling of aliveness and presence and it’s yearning for connection. It’s reaching out in life and pulling the right things towards you. It’s an openness and willingness to experience pleasure and it’s the motivation to give it back. It’s your mojo ladies, and sometimes you must make yourself a priority and do some work if you want to keep that side of yourself alive and kicking. Life with a health libido is better than a life without it. So, get to work ladies, you are worth the effort.

The key to solving conflict problems in marriage lies in our capacity as a husband or wife to address them as a team. This requires commitment to truth and open communication. In a healthy marriage, each partner understands that the relationship needs to be discussed, and each person feels safe to bring their concerns to the other. In a healthy marriage no topic is off limits. Whether it’s time together, money, division of labour, sex or anything else; every area of your shared life should always be open for discussion. You both must be able to ask for what you need, listen with interest to what your partner needs and have tough conversations about difficult issues as often as needed. It doesn’t matter if it’s you that’s conflict avoidant or if it’s your partner. If your marriage falls short of these simple benchmarks, then YOU have work to do. BOOK A SESSION ▶▶▶ https://laurahow.com/online-counselling/

Maintenance sex is the concept of having sex with a partner who you love, in order to strengthen the relationship and improve intimacy – even when you might not be in the mood for it yourself. It is something you are willing to do for the health of the relationship, to feel connected with and to care for your partner and it is a mutual decision made by both of you. It is an effective and hopefully temporary strategy for a couple to manage discrepancies in sexual desire which are perfectly natural and normal. It is a way to prioritise your partner and the relationship. It facilitates bonding, fosters intimacy and encourages open conversation. It should be enjoyable for both partners.